So a lot has happened since you fatties were away at summer weight-loss camp getting your basket weaving and experimenting with sex on. Most notably, as we discussed, the New York Observer snidely profiled our dear donkey, and the consensus is that the author of the piece, Daniel d’Addario, is a darling dear, despite calling us “unhinged.” The article has been discussed to death, but there are a few notable things to point out.
First being that Julia Allison hates Hates HATES her former sister Randi Zuckerberg, if you know enough to deduce this piece of bullshit of a quote:
“To be famous for no reason other than your ego is a fool’s game. If you want it for that reason, you will be miserable. It’s not of value in and of itself. It’s only of value if you do something like that. And I’m not saying ‘Go work for Charity Water!’ I hate fakeness. Maybe Charity Water is your thing. No bashing. It’s not mine. My thing is young women like me who had no self esteem.”
Oh, that is rich. For those that need a primer, Charity Water is a nonprofit that is dear to our Randi Zuckerberg, who Julia recently sold out to Gawker because ol’ Mellow Yellow Teeth’s husband put his foot down about having another senseless over-the-top bi-coastal birfday bash. But during Bi-Coastal Birthcray 1.0, Randi chose Charity Water as the charitable recipient of their vom-inducing display of narcissism. Now that Randi is not returning Julia’s calls anymore, our vindictive donkey is being vindictive by discreetly bashing Mark Zuckerberg’s sister in the press.
If she truly hated fakeness, as she said, Julia would quit with the feeble attempts at being coy and turn on her full-on bitch. Maybe I would respect her. (No, I wouldn’t.)
Meanwhile, Julia is setting out to rescue ALL THE GIRLS from their low self-esteem. How? I have no idea, but I guarantee you that we will never hear about this ever again. And all those girls who eat so they can feel will just have to get behind all those bully victims and wait patiently for Julia Allison to tell people that there needs to be a national conversation about something that is completely fucking stupid.
We also learned that Julia is “in the process” of shutting down her vanity business, NonSociety. I don’t understand how much of a process it is, because, look!
Failing at business is hard work, y’all!
Oh, and Julia thinks, for some reason, that she is a cross between Zooey Deschanel and that potato behind that shitty show that sets out to justify the shitty behavior of shitty 20-somethings, but only succeeds in making said shitty 20-somethings look even more shitty. Some of you might know it as Girls.
Asked to compare herself to reality stars of past vintage, Ms. Allison conflated fiction with reality: “People bring up [Real Housewives of New York star] Bethenny [Frankel] for three reasons. She tends to be quite frank, she tends to be intelligent and funny, and an entrepreneur. Honestly I don’t think I’m any of them. I’m much more spiritual, and much raunchier, and I’m a total geek. I love tech guys. I just want to roll around in Silicon Valley. I’m some bizarre combination. It’s not reality television I relate to but a combination of Zooey Deschanel on New Girl combined with Lena Dunham.”
Yeah, no, except for the shitty part. Julia Allison is indeed shitty. But if you really think about it, trying to smash together Zany Zooey and Lena Dunham would be like putting the opposite poles of a magnet next to each other.
All in all, Julia Allison, who expects people to love her unconditionally always, despite being a fake-ass asshole, was not pleased with her New York Observer profile, and let the writer and the world know it.
@DPD: The Return of Julia Allison, in this week’s Observer: http://observer.com/2012/06/guess-whos-back-the-return-of-julia-allison/ CC @juliaallison
I had a dream that a NY publication would cut the tiresome snark for once. I was wrong. “The Return of Julia Allison” http://observer.com/2012/06/guess-whos-back-the-return-of-julia-allison/
I love how certain New York types describe leaving NY as “dying” & insinuate that anyone who would choose to opt out voluntarily = failure.
Christ, what an asshole, and all this came from just one news profile! What else has she been up to?
Well, Julia has been actively rejecting the unrelenting comparisons to a donkey by trying to associate herself with another animal: a bear.
@CountessLuAnn, your son is a cutie pie. Am I attracted to a 15-year-old? This is disturbing.
Yes, Julia Allison publicly lusted after an underaged teenager while “live-tweeting” an episode of one of those Real Housewives shows, which should be noted she completely fucked up by live-tweeting at the incorrect time. I guess she needed some underage someone to make her tweeter quiver now that Justin Bieber is too old for our pedophile. I can’t believe I am typing this: Julia Allison is a pedophile who lusts after underage boys. That makes me sad. (Editors Note: Kidding?)
Finally, you know that column at Elle we have heard so much about, that column at Elle that has been as difficult to find as a real-life unicorn? Well it premieres next week, I assume, as it is not a dating column, but rather a recap of her horrible, horrible show, Bravo’s Miss Advised.
@TheKevsterFran – the columns don’t begin until the show begins. They are tied to each show. Make sense?
No, it really doesn’t. Because that sounds fucking stupid. I guess it wouldn’t be a Julia Allison column if it wasn’t all about her.
Oh, and Julia was thrilled that our technical difficulties seemingly killed us:
Take Kristen Bell’s “Xoxo, Gossip Girl” & Bruce Willis’ “Yipee ki yay, Motherfucker!” & Franken-mix them into “Xoxo, Motherfucker!” Please?
Sorry, bitch! We’re back!