UPDATED: Julia Allison Contradicts Her Narrative On Bravo’s ‘Miss Advised’ And Admits That She Is Not A Currently Published Dating Columnist

As I have pointed out before, Julia Allison is unemployed and has not been a relationship columnist for three years. Yes, she has an upcoming column at Elle, but as of yet, that column has yet to materialize despite having been in the works for months. And that is not a job she attained on her own. Miss Advised producers had to get her that job so her participation in a reality show about stupidly inept relationship experts would make sense. But with the most unanticipated reality show in the history of television set to premiere next week (and, yes, Rambo’s One Ocean View is included in that history), it is important to point out that while filming was taking place, Julia Allison was not employed as a relationship expert anywhere except for in her gigantic misshapen head, which makes the following Twitter exchange all the more hilarious:

@JuliaAllison Hi Julia! Looking forward to your Bravo show! I am trying to find your dating advice column, where can I read it?

@TheKevsterFran – Hi there! You can read archives of my dating columns in amNew York, Cosmo & Time Out NY on http://xojulia.com !

@TheKevsterFran – My new column is on http://ELLE.com and I will publicize the link when I have it!

Maybe her participation in Miss Advised does make sense. She was so horrible at dispensing dating advice that no one will pay her do it anymore.

Now that that is out of the way, I would like to have a group discussion. Are we really going to watch this contrived bullshit? I know it would be natural for us to liveblog the crap out of this pile of crap, and do recaps and point at laugh at the bloated husk of a woman who doesn’t realize why she will never have a husband, but will it be worth it? I said this here, but I’d like to reiterate. I think I can say that this show will be a great disappointment for us basement dwelling fatties. I know it will be great to see the cray on national television, but this show and its premise are so contrived that I don’t think it will be worth it. It will pale in comparison to the daily dose of unedited cray we get online. Do I really have to watch this shit for you people? What does my lover Jacy think?

UPDATE: Oh, dear. Someone unleashed the hosebeast by simply pointing out the obvious truth that Julia Allison is not currently a dating columnist, nor has been for years.

@JuliaAllison Sorry, a little confused, commercials on Bravo said you are a dating columnist, but I can’t find anything from 2011 or 2012…

@TheKevsterFran – I was a syndicated technology columnist in 2011, darling, and began writing the http://ELLE.com column in Nov ;-)

Oh, right, because a being a technology columnist and a dating columnist are the EXACT SAME THING. I suppose they can be when you use your technology column to justify plowing your political progeny of an ex-boyfriend with alcohol so he would pass out and provide you with an opportunity to snoop through his email and write correspondence as if you were a Navy helicopter pilot.

Why our busted faced Donkey cannot just face the truth and admit that, yes, she is not currently a dating columnist is something I will never, ever understand. I mean, seriously, she can write an Elle column all she wants, but if it is not yet published, then she hasn’t been writing an Elle column since November.

Julia Allison should consider it fortunate that no one will watch a show where she will be exposed for her pathetically inept lies.

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159 Responses to UPDATED: Julia Allison Contradicts Her Narrative On Bravo’s ‘Miss Advised’ And Admits That She Is Not A Currently Published Dating Columnist

  1. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    My lover, I am actually going to be overseas for the first three weeks of the stupid show, which pains me, because I did indeed want to watch it and probably would have blogged about it. But if you don’t want to, I totally understand. Maybe we can get the forum up and running again and people can go there to discuss?

  2. Whore My Own Way says:

    Definitely wouldn’t blame you for not watching a second of this shit. The BJ clip was awful.

  3. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    We could volunteer to take turns liveblogging, or recapping. I could recap but not liveblog, because I am too weary and horrified, in general.

  4. Lilly Liberation Front (formerly Whackjob of Whimsy) says:

    Is if theKevster is a cat lady? I’m more interested in the fallout, but it’s looking like she’ll skate once again. Nobody but us is going to bother.

  5. Shamoolia says:

    Lovers. I have been taking a much needed donkey break. I’ve missed you all terribly. Perhaps a short recap would do for those who can’t stomach watching it? I know we have some talented screen cappers adept at capping the shit out of her most piggish faces. I might watch for that alone… Her horrifying mug is a fright fest.

  6. Albie Quirky says:

    Maybe just post “shitshow airing now!” posts and let those who are watching share the gems of banality in the comments?

    • Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:


    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      I like that idea. I am just hesistant to make a big deal out of this show, because we would be feeding in to her “success.” (Notice the quotes.)

      • Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:

        The show is going to tank. TANK. Not that I don’t get what you’re saying but no one is talking about this show.

        • Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:

          Correction: It might get decent numbers the first night, it will die a traumatic death by episode 3.

          • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

            What is its lead-in?

          • bitchface says:

            people too lazy to switch channels after the (popular) previous show is done….. slobby basement dwelling cat hoarding fatties basically

          • Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:

            Real Housewives NY.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:

            People think RHNY is a good lead-in but it’s not – people see the drama on RHNY and will expect Miss Advised to be similar – they will just become annoyed with how boring it is, faster.

          • bitchface says:

            oops forgot the link- RHNY

            BOOZY BRUNCH
            Uptown ladies Aviva, Heather and Sonja take a trip downtown to Carole’s cool neighborhood where she hosts an afternoon of brunch, booze and bitching that includes New York’s most popular ex-husband, Harry, Carole’s commitment phobia and Aviva’s fear of just about everything else. With her townhouse falling in on her, and no settlement in sight, Sonja attempts to take charge of her financial future by launching a catering company. Always hard at work, Heather decides to mix business with pleasure and invites SOME of the ladies to join her on her next business trip to London. Things get interesting when the ladies come together to celebrate a jewelry launch and Ramona takes the opportunity to apologize to Heather but gets a cold shoulder from LuAnn, who might not be ready to bury the hatchet.

            10:00 PM
            MISS ADVISED
            Dating columnist Julia Allison makes a big move to Los Angeles on a quest to find Mr. Right. With a 73-point checklist to guide her, Julia is ready to settle into the storybook romance of her dreams. Matchmaking maven Amy Laurent has built an empire in New York City by bringing perfect matches together all thanks to “The Rules.” But when an old flame comes back to town, she struggles to follow her own advice. Radio host and sex expert Emily Morse is on a life mission to help people have better sex. She proclaims that monogamy is an epidemic, but when her happily-married brother comes to visit, Emily admits that she would be open to falling in love.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      That’s the best idea. Many learn buttons to it.

    • Rosalie says:

      I agree with this. Create an open post close to the time it airs and everyone can talk about what they see/think in the comments!

    • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

      I’m going to “watch” it here. No need to ruin an evening.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I love this idea too!! That way all the commenters can have their say!!!

  7. Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:

    You’re right, it won’t be worth it, it is going to suck – it will pale in comparison to what is here. That said, I feel like I’m this far deep in, why not? I’ll at least watch the first one.

    That said, it looks incredibly snooze-y.

  8. Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:

    PS, how hard is it for Elle to throw up (LITERALLY!) a shitty Dr. Donkey column on Elle.com?

    Oh, perhaps they have standards unlike every other Donkey publication? Well okay, then.

  9. Can-Swiss says:

    Speaking for the catladies and men out there not living in the USA, I’m damn sure the torrenting community won’t embrace “Miss Advised” #Bravo #ad.

    So, how can the catlpeople aboard watch the bloated, female, muppet-like version of “Weekend At Bernies”?

    Do we have anyone in our little community that is familiar with the process? Will the show be on Bravo’s website the day after? If it’s region blocked I can by-pass that.

    • KrakenSkulls says:

      OK I’m getting tired of hearing this repeated over and over. People, if it is on american Television, it WILL BE TORRENTED, ok?

      Without going into the details of “the scene” let’s just say that entire groups of kids compete to upload ripped versions of whatever the fuck they can find.

      The caveat here is that you won’t be able to find archives of this crap unless you are in the scene and have access to a topsite (and you won’t, unless you work in a job where you regularly get screeners you can trade for access).

      So where does that leave you guys? get a torrent client (azureus, vuzer, utorrent) that supports RSS feeds. Go here: http://www.ezrss.it/ click shows. look at that shit. even the most mundane garbage is there, but like i said it is all time sensitive. There is the initial swarm that occurs when the torrent first goes up and peters out as most people don’t want to seed things, especially trash like miss advised. What that means is that you set up an rss feed to continually search for the next episode, and when it comes out you auto-download it. The nice thing is that if you arent on the east coast, you even get to see it before everyone else. i used to spoil terrible Lost episodes for people this way.

      • KrakenSkulls says:


        put that in your google reader.

      • Barking Mad says:

        Thanks, Kraken! I’m saving that link for future reference.

        Today I checked out all our Canadian trashnets but it seems nobody is running it. Bravo Canada is re-doing their website so I can’t check there. They are pushing the new Dallas like crazy but not much about any other new shows.

        If it appears on the Bravo site, I should be able to watch it using TunnelBear. If I care enough, which is in question. The comments here will be the real entertainment!

      • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

        Cool! Thanks, Kraken! Is this the same eztv who posts over at that Swedish place?

        • KrakenSkulls says:

          not sure but it used to be tvrss.net

          • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

            Just wondering because the page says “EZRSS is a rss feed for eztv” and there is an eztv who puts up loads of torrents at TPB. Thanks so much for the link!

      • Can-Swiss says:

        I have Vuze and torrent everything I can’t get legally in France (which is pretty much every TV show). I’m worried that it’s such a C-list show that no one will be bothered to upload it.

        Let’s hope those crazy internet kids have no taste and upload it anyway.

    • mule on rouge says:

      You should also check the watchseries.eu website. You can watch nearly every show on TV, past and present, from the US, Canada, UK, and Australia, with most new episodes posted within hours. Each episode has dozens of lnks to online viewing sites like putlocker, filebox, sockshare, vidbux, movreel, vreer, and more. I am currently into a reality show from the UK – Embarrasing Fat Bodies. It is amazing.

  10. ICrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

    My incredulousness (is that even a word?) with this creature has always been twofold, and truly quite aside from the jaw-dropping thundercunt moves she pulls, which should have long ago ceased to amaze me but still shock and awe.
    1. She had a great gig going; fameball, ambitious, pushy broad without shame who would stop at nothing to promote herself. Fine. Not my cup of tea but go for it if that’s what you want. Problem is, instead of bringing her readers/watchers in behind the curtain and say watch how I do this, come along, it’s so much fun, she expected everyone to fall for the fake surface, and worse, seemed to believe it herself. So no, honey. No. Be a proud climber, transparently, or really, just go away. It’s boring and sad and desperate and nobody’s buying it. What, someone’s buying into this? Which leads to:
    2. Her enablers. They are my biggest WTF. She is so obvious (see above), why WHY does anyone buy into the b.s. and, worse, continue to encourage it.
    That’s why I believe a few like-minded people from the old Gawker days got together and started the reblogging blogs. We knew we weren’t the only ones who saw this disconnect and so formed a loose kind of association on the basis of our disbelief that anyone, including Miz Alberston, was actually swallowing the hype without question. Sadly, this continues to this day (see recent PR articles linked in earlier posts).
    So I think when Miss Advised airs, it might put an end to all her bullshittery; she will be exposed to a wider audience, new incredulous “haters” will pile in in droves, experiencing the same kind of shock and disbelief that brought us original catladies here, and the gig will be up.
    And therefore, any interest I’ve sustained in the tragectory of this trainwreck can be probably be laid to rest. I believe she will be widely exposed, widely dismissed, and the balance will shift. There will be more interventionists than enablers. Dare I dream that her enablers and even donkey herself might gain some self-awareness, some desire for a life of integrity and actual content and real follow-through. Okay, no. That’s just crazy talk.
    But it won’t be just this population of basement dwellers that get it anymore and our work here, I believe, will be done. That’s my two cents, anyway.

    • crazytrain says:

      This is so on point. You’ve articulated my reasons for following her much better than I ever could.

      The original Baugher blogger said something to the effect of, Reblogging Julia was an experiment to see what would happen when you turned a mirror on the narcissist. He got tired of the experiment when it became clear that, nothing happened – nothing Baugher said would ever get through to the Donkey.

      Maybe this Bravo show will finally be a large enough mirror.

      • mcakez says:

        Not a chance. They don’t make mirrors that big.

        • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

          Yes, they don’t make mirrors as big as her face. I would love to believe the above theory, but I really think that this show will be so roundly ignored that it won’t be the wake up call that Julia deserves.

          • mcakez says:

            And it will be just enough attention that she feels justified in continuing her quest to be in front of the public eye for no better reason than how fascinating she finds herself.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      Old Gawker commenters, remember Dorothy Mantooth? Dorothy Mantooth was a SAINT.

    • FIEIRCE Mani (pedi) says:

      Well if she does disappear, I am happy to converse about books, and movies, makeup and Downton Abby with all you kittehs!

  11. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @TheKevsterFran – I was a syndicated technology columnist in 2011, darling, and began writing the http://ELLE.com column in Nov 😉
    9:13 PM – 11 Jun 12

    • Dr. Gary says:

      She was replying to this:

      Mr. F ‏@TheKevsterFran
      @JuliaAllison Sorry, a little confused, commercials on Bravo said you are a dating columnist, but I can’t find anything from 2011 or 2012…

      UGH. Her smug cuntitude is off the charts.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:


      • Dr. Gary says:


      • The Tortuous and the Hair says:

        If she started writing the Elle column in November, does that mean the people who wrote in for advice (ha!) have been waiting for her to reply to their questions for seven+ months? This makes no sense AT ALL.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        Well if there’s no column up when the show airs, then I’ll assume the winky-face means “I got the prod co to play pretend with me”, though I can’t see what the win would be for Elle to have a phantom ‘contributing writer.’

        • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

          And strangely, her Bravo bio says nothing about a column in Elle. Zip.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:

            GOOD POINT!

          • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

            Did you notice that is said she wrote for the Chicago Tribune? No she didn’t. Legalese bunnies. They just printed her syndicated column for a few weeks before scraping any mention of her off their website.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        Don’t you know websites have a 6 month lead time, YOU SHITHEAD?

        Check your inbox. You have intel.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        She is a fucking piece of work. What legalese! “I’ve been writing it since November.” Really? So where is it?? IT IS FUCKING JUNE AND YOUR SHOW’S ENTIRE PREMISE IS BASED ON YOU BEING SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT.


    • Get a Stylist says:

      She “began writing”…hahah. Like, an outline? Like, in her journal. Like, really? She needs to stop.

    • darling dearest says:

      She rang me!

  12. Dr. Gary says:

    Oh, Lord.

    Anyone reading Julie’s RHONY live tweets? They are painfully unfunny. My Cankleshausen is burning.

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      I would check them out, but my Canklesporin delivery is late and I daren’t risk a flare up.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      And leave it to our Dumb Julie to misspell a NY housewife’s twitter handle: @RomanaSinger.

      • mcakez says:

        I firmly believe she did that on purpose so that this ‘Romano’ chick wouldn’t see the @ messages. Legalese, bunnies.

        Well, that and she is an idiot.

        She also advised them to ‘smoke pot’ (like she’d know?) since it is ‘legal in CA!’ (fail).

    • Tonyamichaela says:

      She seems truly mystified by RHONY. She’s being really condescending about the manufactured drama. She is the thirty-something who is a total fan girl for Gossip Girl, which is a soap opera for tweens that was only good for the first two seasons. The difference is Julia is delusional enough to watch Blair and believe that she is exactly like Blair: rich, pretty, smart, sophisticated. In reality she has more in common with the Housewives, who are loud famewhores with too much filler. When she watches the Housewives, she does not see herself, she is repulsed!

      Has she ever watched any of the Real Housewives before? Has she ever watched Bravo before? Her cultural ignorance is one of her creepier qualities.

    • The Final Rose says:

      Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison

      Um, @CountessLuAnn, your son is a cutie pie. Am I attracted to a 15-year-old? This is disturbing. #RHONY

    • CaptainGary says:

      I’m confused – did she just re-live tweet RHONY? They weren’t funny the first time; why the hell would she do it on EDT and PDT?

      Live tweeting – you’re doing it wrong.

      • maid of dishonor says:

        It looks like in Google Reader that she tweeted all that stuff twice: once with Ramona misspelled, and once with it spelled correctly.

        She’s the worst.

  13. Bravo's Bitch says:

    Yes I will watch this crap fest. I already sat through a season of Slade Smiley on Date My Ex so I have a high threshold for reality show pain. Let me vent for a mo, I am trying to watch RHNY and that every break I spy a DONK. I curse you Cohen.

  14. donniedriveby says:


    The only way I will watch this trainwreck….

  15. diluted brain says:

    I watch a decent amount of Bravo and am going crazy seeing all of these Missadvised promos!!!! So annoying!!! I can’t believe it’s a week away. I see your point, JP but it’s like a car crash, you can’t help but stare… you will have to watch it. I like the idea of just meeting up in the comments.

    Side note: You have to love the professionalism of the name of the website xojulia.com. Give me a break. It links to her stupid blog so why doesn’t she just link the blog instead?

    • Albie Quirky says:

      She is a high-profile tech personality! She doesn’t have to explain her reasoning to us!

      Oh, lord, I may never stop laugh-retching. I only have a week to train for the big event, too.

    • mcakez says:

      xo = hugs and kisses. Hugs and kisses = love. Love = dating/relationships. Having a blog all about her self-love = relationship column for 10 years, bunny! Stop taking everything so seriously, darling, and Guam down.

    • DeLurking Again says:

      I’ve always assumed that the reason she uses different links is so she can use them for analytics. She probably assumes this person is a catlady and wants to make an attempt at tracing an IP.

      Or maybe not, what do I know?

  16. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    Oh my. There’s a new clip up, and it includes Julia’s memorable appearance as a pumpkin in a muumuu on the Alexa Chung show — saying that with digital dating, there are ‘exponentially more ways to seem crazy.’ So the producers have been doing their homework 😀


    • Worrisome Pelts says:


      Captcha = Channel Surfing. Oh, yes, we will be, Captcha.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      I love, Love, LOVE that they had to reach back to years old television clips to justify that Julia is a “dating expert.”

      • Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:

        EXACTLY!!!! Amy… at work. Emily… at work… Julia… um, er oops!!! CUT TO SOME YOUTUBE CLIPS!!!!

        Julia: “I go on dates… and then I write about them (on my Facebook.)”

        WOW, JULIA, I DO, TOO!!!!

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        Yes, and those clips are hardly evidence of ‘expertise’ — which I’m thinking might be part of the story arc for her: the wonderful advice she boasts about giving is in fact awful.

        Also, I wondered if Julia made all of her Vimeos private in an attempt to keep them from the producers (nothing to do with caulk or birthday chicken). Do reality tv contracts give the producers the right to use any material that the ‘stars’ have made public in the past? (Though in this case, easy enough to get rebroadcast rights from MTV and Fox.)

        • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

          I believe this was discussed before, and I think we surmised, that, yes, Julia made all her videos private so that producers wouldn’t use them. In fact, we got a cryptic email from someone asking if we knew where they could find the lip dubs. Someone had said that yes, their contracts do allow producers to use shit they put out in the past.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          That’s exactly why she suddenly took them private. I was stupid enough to briefly wonder if it was us. No, it wasn’t us. It was Bravo producers, and she must have feared they were going to mine them and make her look like the complete fucking douchebag/asshole that she is. Huh. Maybe there is a modicum of self-awareness. But I will be forever pissed that the chairlift lip dub will not show up on Miss Advised because that shit was off the charts.

    • mcakez says:

      The fact that they segue from Amy L. saying “Loves makes people insane,” to a shot of Julia cackling maniacally just tells me that the editors hate her.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      1. They are really onto her.


      • FIEIRCE Mani (pedi) says:

        So that’s why they made her hair red. So let me get this straight….Bravo is shooting a reality show about something a donkey did three years ago, but doesn’t do now but are pretending she does. The whiplash is excruciating. How do these people get away with all the falsifying and outright lies?

    • Wait. See the description of the video, where it says/implies Julia has clients?

    • JFA says:

      “I go on dates, and I write about them. It’s a strange job.” FOR WHAT PUBLICATION YOU DICKHEAD.

      • The Final Rose says:

        I am assuming that after each show/”date”, elle.com will post a “column” written by Julia. It would explain why she has been “writing” for Elle since November but nothing has been published yet. And then once this shitshow is off the air, Julia will be quietly scrubbed from the site just like at her last “job.”

    • MY Beach Home says:

      Am I alone in thinking that Emily comes off as extra desperate? I mean they all do but that last cut where she is basically trying to convince a booty call to come over on the phone was painful to watch.

  17. crazytrain says:

    OT: But I’m in serious procrastination mode and was reading through a bit of Julia’s archives (as she so kindly suggested her twitter followers should do to find her columns) and I found what might be one of her most lulzy posts ever, in which she self-publishes a column that was rejected by AM NY – http://blog.juliaallison.com/2006/10/

    Seriously, think about the insane level of narcissism it takes to think that is a good idea?

    Also, she straight up calls herself a sex columnist. The NY Times may need to print a correction to their correction.

  18. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    I think she deleted the cunty “darling” Tweet. I can’t see it anymore. She probably didn’t nuke it because she was a cunt, but because she was afraid the Elle people would see it and she’d get called out on another lie.

  19. Rebecca of Donkeybrook Ashram says:

    I can still see it?

  20. Hoey says:

    There’s only one thing more pointless than Julie live tweeting RHONY, and that’s her doing so and consistently going past the 140-character limit. Such a tech expert! So succint!

  21. flatface says:

    I also find it hilarious that days before her national tv show is to air, her website – nonsociety, which is the first thing that pops up when you google her (that must have cost a lot of money) – is completely broken. Never mind that none of the bloggers have posted in weeks or months. At this point, you can’t get past the home page. It doesn’t load. She IS actually going to see a spike in traffic when the show airs and she has just let her number one showcase (where she can present herself HER way, where she can have all the image control) go to hell.

    She has proven herself lazy in the past. But that takes the cake. That’s just a waste of an opportunity. Without NS she has no web profile besides facebook.
    And us.

  22. Guano Dubango says:

    This Julia Allison was extremely attractive when she worked in NY City a number of years ago. I cannot wait to see her on TV. I would be a good mate for her except that I doubt she would want to return with me to live with my Aunt Ooona in Ghana and bear me a royal heir. That is why I have not approached her to discuss marriage.

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