Donkey Must Have A Brainiac In Her Sights

How else to explain this bullshit?

Bedtime reading. I haven’t done the whole anachronistic “real” book thing in a while! Feels odd not to tap the page. t.co/GKgL6NRB


“Might read a bit of the Communist Manifesto before bed.” File Under: Things You Don’t Hear People Say Often

And that last line, about the Communist Manifesto? I found it in my decade old diary, dated October 1, 2001. Ummm …

Question: Who goes back and re-reads their teenage diaries all the time and then Tweets about how clever and smart and wise and funny the entries were? Anyone? Ever? Other than this idiot? And I suspect she makes it all up anyway. She’s obviously trying to impress some new dude who has a doctorate in philosophy or politics some such fucking thing.

Funny, though, she’s not quite intellectual enough to answer this simple question:

TheKevsterFran: @sexwithemily @JuliaAllison @amylaurentmatch @bravotv Looking forward to the show! Where does Julia write an advice column? I want to read!

TheKevsterFran@JuliaAllison Hi Julia! Looking forward to your Bravo show! I am trying to find your dating advice column, where can I read it? 

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112 Responses to Donkey Must Have A Brainiac In Her Sights

  1. bitchface says:

    I would like to read her assvice column too!!!!

  2. Miss Assvice says:

    I wish she would be honest and say um oops currently unemployed

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      It looks as bad on Bravo as it does on her. When was the last time she wrote about sex/dating/relationships, whatever? Three years ago? Her last steady writing gig was about “tech,” although I guess she went in that direction when she wrote that ground-breaking piece about how it’s OK to snoop in your boyfriend’s email because she’d just been busted snooping in her boyfriend’s email.

      I keep checking the Elle website, and there’s no sign of it.

      Why you lie, Bravo?

  3. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    OMG! Communists love red! I love red! And wait…doesn’t daddy call them pinkos?!? — pink! pink! pink! The pink manifesto! I must read this NOW — it’s like the authors know me!

  4. Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:

    CALM DOWN KEVIN! THAT COLUMN DOESN’T REALLY EXIST! I FIND IT INTERESTING THAT YOU EVEN CARE!

  5. Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:

    It’s seriously worrisome how tenacious Kevin is!

    Mr. F ‏@TheKevsterFran
    @BlondieGirlProd Where can I read Julia Allison’s dating column? Looking forward to the show! Big fan!
    Expand
    Reply Retweet Favorite

    • I didn’t even catch his name w/out you drawing my attn to it.
      Anyone else see this exchange (& blatant NON-answer)?
      BE SURE TO TUNE IN!

      3h Mr. F ‏@TheKevsterFran
      @AmyLaurentMatch Hi Amy, I’m trying to find Julia’s dating advice column, do you know where she writes?
      11:14 AM – 11 Jun 12 via web ·

      Amy Laurent ‏@AmyLaurentMatch
      Tune in to 2nites episode of #RHONY @juliaallison @sexwithemily @bravotv where myself, Julia& Emily will be live tweeting about the ladies!!

      Don’t be a donkified cunt, Amy … you’re remotely likable, so far …

  6. Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

    That Julia can re-read her teenage diaries without wincing until her face cramps up is evidence that she is a sociopath. And writing/tweeting multiple occasions about how clever the entries are, as Jacy noted? That’s just a whole other level of crazy.

    I get this feeling that Julia thinks of each phase of her life as discreet periods, hence her utter lack of remorse and guilt — and the whole “I meant it… at the time” approach to everything. Uh, no, Julia. That’s not how it is. You are one whole human being. What you did as a teenager matters, what you did last year matters, and it all makes up a whole person. She conceives of herself instead as a collection of fragments: Precious Teenager, Dating Columnist, etc. How fuck.

    • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

      Precocious, not precious. Sorry.

      Also, Julia, NOTHING IS MORE ORDINARY than a dumb teenager quoting Marx! We all did it!

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Yes! Although most of us got over it before age 20, didn’t we? (I may be screwing up the math here, but wasn’t JAB 20 in 2001?)

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          She was. Math is hard. But you know, I actually consider anything under 21 to be teenaged. I know it’s technically incorrect, but in terms of maturity level, I don’t see much difference between 18 and 21.

          In any event, on the RARE occasion when I have been moving house and happen to pick up an old diary and leaf through it before sticking it back in the box it’s sat in for years, I am generally mortified and embarrassed.

          This tool obviously has them next to her bed and reads them all the time while telling herself how very clever she is/was.

          Very telling that she reads back on her toolbaggy 21-year-old musings and finds them really profound. Just goes to show you how much she’s evolved since then — not at all, unless we’re talking going backwards.

          • Pissholes in the Snow says:

            Especially since she was probably assigned to read it in a required philosophy class or something.

          • Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:

            “Very telling that she reads back on her toolbaggy 21-year-old musings and finds them really profound. Just goes to show you how much she’s evolved since then — not at all, unless we’re talking going backwards.”

            THIS. So embarrassing.

          • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

            I thought I was clever and smart in high school. My older self now knows I was a dumb ass.

          • Sake Bombardier says:

            She has Benjamin Button disease of the intellect.

      • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

        IIRC, and I’m afraid I do, I called myself a Trotskyist at least on one occasion when I was 16. CRINGE CITY.

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          Helena, when I was 18 I was a member of The Young Socialist Party. This was in the American Midwest, where there is no such thing. But I had a certificate and a book and everything!

          • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

            Hoho! Hey, comrade Handbag, are you by chance familiar with this BBC mini series?
            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cambridge_Spies

            My communist best friend that I mentioned here the other day made me watch almost all of it on her laptop last month. It’s full of commie traitor goodness and at least two of the spies are very good looking.

          • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

            I was not aware but you can bet I will be bookmarking that commie traitor goodness as soon as I can find it.

            My Young Socialist leanings were inflamed by a misunderstanding of my birthrite Quakerism. Either one of these things would have earned me a place on the FBI watch list but taken in tandem? You can see why I live half-a-mile back a private road, as does my distant neighbor, John Edwards. (His reasons are quite different. Hardy har.)

    • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

      “What you did as a teenager matters, what you did last year matters, and it all makes up a whole person. She conceives of herself instead as a collection of fragments: Precious Teenager, Dating Columnist, etc. How fuck. ”

      This is a really interesting insight since apparently a key feature of NPD is that your idealized mirror image is just that – an image, static. It’s interesting that Donkey can only think of her life as a series of tableaus (tableaux?) rather than experiences, relationships, ideas, and setbacks that contribute to a whole, continuously evolving person.

    • KashMoney says:

      her face looks pretty cramped up to me, gnome sane?

  7. Scooby Don't says:

    “Might read a bit of the Communist Manifesto before bed.”
    The key word in that Donkey brain fart is “might”.
    Scooby Don’t might scale Mt. Kilimanjaro before bed tonight.
    Or more likely he won’t.

  8. Albie Quirky says:

    I don’t know about anyone else, but I read that book and hated it a lot. It seems like everything Julie Albertson thinks is the hot new intellectual thing is something that all the smart people I know read a year or two ago and dismissed as mostly hype.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I don’t include myself in the list of “smart people I know” because I am pretty much an idiot, even though I am good at remembering facts.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      That book was tired two years ago, yes. It has been sleeping and gaining weight since then.

      • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

        There’s a Casey Anthony joke in here. I would make it but I must go feed my chickens.

      • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

        Because I’m an imbecile, at first I thought you two were talking about the Communist Manifesto, and I had an imbecile gigglefest over that book having been dismissed as “mostly hype” “a year or two ago.”

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          I almost typed the same comment! I actually didn’t know which book Albie was referring to, and was trying to remember a cultural-literary moment two years ago when The Communist Manifesto was both germane and dismissed.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Hee hee! It is always possible that I would say something that flaky, too.

        • bitchface says:

          awesome

          (that’s something Julia Allison Baugher #Miss Advised #Bravo TV would say)

  9. Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:

    Donkey is now tagging all her Miss Advised (ad) “dates” on Facebook via screen grabs. I am cringing with embarrassment for her. She really thinks this is going to be her big break.

  10. The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

    I read that book a few years ago and it’s a bunch of evo-psych just-so stories that conveniently justify the status quo. Evo psych definitely has its point, but as it’s used in pop culture is just another variation in the long chain of “using science to justify lazy stereotypes.” (See: the Hottentot Venus, eugenics theory in the 40s, etc.)

    Julia thinks she comes off as intellectual, but really just comes off as a pretender when she boasts about reading glorified airplane books.

    • juliaspublicist says:

      Didn’t we once talk about evo-psych on here and determined that it was misogynistic bullshit?

      • KashMoney says:

        That was 6,000 years ago! FEEL FREE TO RELAX

      • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

        “Dost we once talk about evo-psych on here and determined that it was misogynistic bullshit? ”

        That’s definitely my conclusion, but I wouldn’t want Afghani to swoop in and school me with all the facts from TigerNet.

      • AFGHANI'S ROMANTIC OYSTER N CHAMPAGNE SHACK says:

        I wouldn’t dismiss it outright. Richard Epstein discussed it on an Econ Talk episode and it was really enlightening. The trick, as with everything, is to know the limits of our knowledge and question things.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          I read it and I feel comfortable dismissing it. What’s useful in it has been stated better, and with more supporting evidence, by others; what’s original in it is poorly sourced or a huge stretch from the source material.

          • AFGHANI says:

            I don’t disagree with this. In fact, it agrees with what I’m saying–don’t judge the idea of evolutionary psychology because of one stupid book. I’m sure a lot of other people here have studied human development or zoology/comparative anatomy. It’s pretty clear that the human brain has followed a certain developmental patterns that have important implications for our personalities… so much of what appears as personality is the result of chemical and electrical activity that emerged over the course of evolution.

            The EconTalk episode where Epstein discussed this was the one on Happiness, if anyone is interested.

  11. JFA says:

    Um asshole? YOu were fucking 21 and in college, you know that fancy school Dadser’s Esq. paid your way into, the one you barely graduated from? Yeah. So, I am assuming you barely skimmed Marx for that philosophy survey course you got a B- in.

    THe point is, not one fucking person is impressed that you “read stuff” in college. FUck off.

    Jesus. I can’t today. I read Homer and Kant and Plato etc etc when I was 18 and in college too. Someone give me a fucking medal. Who does seh think she is fooling with this “I am so smart” garbage?

    • JFA says:

      College student studies before bed. Entire world has no shits to give.

    • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

      Please remember that this is the person who asked the world to fawn over her unique adorableness because she sometimes TALKS TO HER DOG ALOUD, USING WORDS AND STUFF. Who does that?? Only precious pretty pink princesses, that’s who!

  12. Jack the Bulldog says:

    Our Donkey! Always on the cutting edge of publishing. As for the tee-hee, wasn’t I cute, Das Capital crap, I read and revered Anais Nin in high school, but I sure as fuck wouldn’t cop to that now. Um, er, oops! I just did. Tee hee, wasn’t that cute?

    Time to cleanse your soul, and your brain, with a Deep Thought from Kirstin “Conflict of Interest” Thorne:

    “Of course I get the ‘day after Christmas shopping’ story today. I’ve been distracted all day looking at all the sales. And yes, I’ll admit I did buy some clothes but they’re for work so I guess you could say I did it on the clock ;)”

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      I’d completely forgotten how much I loved Anais Nin in high school. I even wore the cologne Anais Anais in tribute! I would have been a good woman if someone had shot me every day of my life.

      • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

        Anais Anais IS a lovely scent. /sorry I’m too illiterate to read anything closer to Anais Nin than fragrantica.com, which may or may not actually be open in another window on my computer right now. Tee hee, I’m such a girl.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        “Well, that’s nice. Selling typewriters is close to writing.”

      • mcakez says:

        Add me to that list of teen Anais Nin fangirls.

        Unlike Flannery O’Conner, Nin did not get better with age.

        Also, I admit to having posted on facebook the other day about remembering a brief period when I was 14, reading Ayn Rand, and described ‘objectivism’ to a classmate as, “It’s this, like, philosophy that is sort of, like, ‘Fuck you, I’m God.'” Which is pretty embarrassing but also probably more accurate than I realized. Mostly embarrassing, though.

        • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

          I, too, loved Anais Nin (along with Henry Miller) but my biggest shame moment was reciting Sylvia Plath. Youth is wasted on the young. Never ashamed of my Oscar Wilde phase.

      • Joardache & the Pelts says:

        Anais Nin is hilarious, ripe stuff I have a soft spot for, she racks e up and I ripped through all the diaries. She must have been a huge pain inthe ass to live with – completely selfish (she has a modern day counterpart in Lea Dunham’s character on HBOs “Girls.”). In fact, a running gag amongst certain friends was using the line from the Kauffman “Henry & June” flick, “this morning I wept. I wept because….” and add whatever pretentiousness.
        I also have a soft spot for Beatrice Dalle. She’s really messed up her looks but in a cool way and is doing is doing great character/supporting work wth Assayas and others. Remember when Romane Bohringer was all the rave?

    • fig says:

      Milan Kundera and Hermann Hesse.

      • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

        Gaston Bachelard for me :) (me at 18 that is) I was such a massive pretentious tool.

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          I read Bachelard’s “The Psychoanalysis of Fire” ON THE BEACH. But I was in my twenties and I really meant it.

          • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

            I just took my battered copy off the shelf and this is the first thing I made a big, earnest star next to in the text: “Fire is thus a privileged phenomenon which can explain anything. If all that changes slowly may be explained by life, all that changes quickly is explained by fire. Fire is the ultra-living element. It is intimate and it is universal. It lives in our heart. It lives in the sky . . . Among all phenomena, it is really the only one to which there can be so definitely attributed the opposing values of good and evil. It shines in Paradise. It burns in Hell. It is gentleness and it is torture. It is cookery and it is apocalypse.”
            –p 7, first Beacon edition paperback, 1968.

        • fig says:

          Oh! Speaking of pretentious tool, that reminds me of myself as a teen sitting in a cafe in Prague reading one of my very first novels in English, Paul Auster’s New York Trilogy. I felt so fucking adult and worldly, I probably levitated. Then some guy approached and very politely said “Hi.” and asked if i spoke English, to which is just terrifiedly shook my head and waited until he had gone away and my heart rate went down enough to continue reading my book and feeling superior.

          • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

            Now THAT book I still love. I do not apologize.

          • fig says:

            No, no, not objecting to the book, just the stupid teenage behavior.

          • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

            Oh. That, too, made perfect sense to me.

          • fig says:

            Wow. I always judged myself for that moment, sliding doors style. I might actually stop now. Thanks!

          • Jack the Bulldog says:

            Kundera, Hesse, and Auster? Fig, let’s hang, if you can forgive me that Nin infatuation. SMOKE, for which Auster wrote the screenplay, was my favorite movie of 1995.

          • fig says:

            My teenage self would have been thrilled to make friends based on her reading habits!

            Did anyone else have a deep hatred towards anyone idolizing Phillipe Dijan’s Betty Blue?

          • Dr. Gary says:

            Did someone say ‘pretentious tool’?

            In my 20s, I spent about 6 months traveling around Europe. A friend from LA had moved to Prague, and invited me to visit him.

            Through him, I met a crazy Czech sculptor. We hit it off and had some very hot sexy times. He liked to spend his evenings drinking red wine and listening to Mozart’s ‘Requiem’ at full volume.

            His ‘tortured artist’ lifestyle impressed me greatly, since the only artists I’d known before that were Hollywood actor Marlon Brando-wannabes. This guy was the REAL thing.

            I thought I was SO COOL, drinking red wine and listening to Mozart with him, while reading Dostoyevsky’s ‘Notes From the Underground’.

            superiortool.com

          • Jack the Bulldog says:

            I hated the Jean-Jacques Bieneix film, and it took me years before I would agree to see Beatrice Dalle in another film. When I did, that film would be INSIDE, quite possibly the most disturbing (and wonderful) work of cinematic horror ever.

          • FIEIRCE Mani (pedi) says:

            Dr. Gary that sounds so romantic….like that Jewel song. What an awesome memory of your youth.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      I was obsessed with Simone de Beauvoir. And later, Jane Bowles.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Jesus, she is dim. Truly, truly dim.

  13. Get a Stylist says:

    Since when are books anachronistic? She is such a tool.

  14. Donkeycam now! says:

    Donkey:
    “Might read a bit of the Communist Manifesto before bed.”

    Transbraytion:
    So last night I met this hot dude at the bar and he is into this new diet , well I think it is a diet, the bar was kinda loud and I had had some tequila sips already and… ah, the diet, yes, it’s called Marchism or Matchism or something like that and he told me it is based on this cookbook , well I think it must a be a cookbook, called the Communist Manifestation, wow, now that I think of it is a weird name for a cookbook, I hope he doesn’t eat weird things, I am a gluten-free orgo-pescatarian you know, anyway, I have to google that cookbook later on, but first I’ll google myself and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    • Julie Booger Is Miss Advised Bravo Miss Advised Andy Cohen Miss Advised Miss Advised says:

      EXACTLY. She was almost certainly putting on for a boy then, and she’s almost certainly putting on for a boy now. It would break my heart to watch Miss Donkersham drag around in this same tired frock if she weren’t such an asshole.

      • ks says:

        Anyone who would be impressed by the fact she read that book is 3x more UNIMPRESSED by the fact she didn’t read it.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      I love this comment, Donkeycam. I want to eat it.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I second that EXACTLY.

      It may also be that unkempt English tech founder stinky bad-haired grossout dude — maybe he’s a brainiac?

      She’s working some angle, as always.

  15. Peltergeist says:

    Step 1: deflect. Step 2: invent.

    Mr. F‏@TheKevsterFran

    @JuliaAllison Hi Julia! Looking forward to your Bravo show! I am trying to find your dating advice column, where can I read it?

    @TheKevsterFran – Hi there! You can read archives of my dating columns in amNew York, Cosmo & Time Out NY on http://xojulia.com !

    @TheKevsterFran – My new column is on http://ELLE.com and I will publicize the link when I have it!

  16. ks says:

    She’s always reading all these stupid books (supposedly), but she never has any insight to give or ideas to share. EVER. All she ever does it regurgitate stupid Quote of the Day shit without adding anything of her own. It pains me how anti-intellectual she is, to where I can’t take it anymore.

    Oh, you MIGHT have read a book 10+ years ago? That’s a lot of time to reflect and digest it. How do you feel about the idea of Communism now? Has your outlook changed? Oh, I’m sorry I forgot you are retarded, have no soul, and if you died the world wouldn’t notice. I forgot you are too busy to follow up your reblogging your 10th grade diary entries with anything approaching an original idea because you have SO much shit to prepare for. I’m sure whoever you were trying to impress was KNOCKED OFF THEIR FEET by your confession that you almost read a book about communism. OOO what’s that? The sound of GMB’s first 360 barrel roll?

    I don’t know if I can continue on this site, at least as much as I used to. For one thing, the negativity brings me down and I need to bring myself up and be positive. Also, SHE IS SO BRAINDEAD STUPID it’s literally destroying MY brain cells. I can easily quit Donkey but I can’t quit you guys.

  17. Julia's Crypt Keeper says:

    Donkey reading a book is like watching Mary try to spell Texas..you never know if she will actually succeed but than she disappoints all does not succeed at all..

  18. 11.5th Wang says:

    It was obviously an undergrad reading assignment.

    • 11.5th Wang says:

      Oops I didn’t see my double’s (jfa’s) comment above. Sorry AK Kitty. We must be really in sync today.

      Unrelated: I will NEVER the hands.

  19. Malformed Face (Like a Balloon Left in a Hot Car) says:

    OT, there are only 19 mentions of Miss Advised in a weeks time… no one cares about this show.

  20. Ignoramus with Pelts says:

    Jack the bulldog: I also loved Smoke. Check out scene where Ashley Judd is telling her parents to go fuck themselves. BEST acting ever. I still adore her just based on that one scene on that one movie.

  21. Ignoramus with Pelts says:

    I was an insufferable little bitch when I spent my junior year abroad in France. I was one of those who worshipped Betty Blue, both film and book. Now I don’t think I could sit thru it , although I still like the film’s soundtrack.

    • ethel-egg says:

      Iwp – I just watched Betty Blue again recently – reliving I guess … – I loved it. “BEeeety BEEEEty …. ” Hate me for my 80s movie love.

      • ethel-egg says:

        or rather, French pretentious movie love. Who cares. That guy was fucking hot as hot.

  22. Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

    “Bedtime reading. I haven’t done the whole anachronistic “real” book thing in a while! Feels odd not to tap the page. ”

    Well, it’s been a good run since Gutenberg and the invention of the printing press, but physical books are “anachronistic” now, according to this stupid bitch. Dead as a dodo, something from the distant past! Jarringly out of place in our modern times! How weird not to tap, you guys! UGH I am no Luddite, but I hate her for this.

    • Stall-a-palooza says:

      Seriously. Most people I know with e-Readers (myself included) still read “real” books as well. Why? Um, because I love my local library, I read 2-3 books a week and can’t afford to buy that many on my own dime when they’re sitting on shelves for FREE right down the street, and I mainly use my Kindle to easily tote around huge books (like Stephen King’s “It,” which clocks in at a whopping 1300+ pages) on the bus and when I travel. Most true book lovers I know will always and forever have a love in their hearts for “real books.”

      Dumb Donkey shows her true colors and is dumb.

      (And I adore my Kindle, by the way. I will also just always love the smell and feel of books, too… /nerd).

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