But Momsers and Dadsers must be so proud, huh? I am sure their pals at the University Club, and the First Congregational Church of Wilmette, are going to be so very happy for Robin and Peter.
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Well if she does that I’m sure it’s the only time on the date she’s not braying about herself.
I can’t watch at work! Can someone summarize?
Also her Madonna/Whore schtick is getting so fucking tired already. Pick a lane asshole. Are you a liberated sexual woman (LOL!) or do you withhold for 11.5 dates to get what you want? How about, I don’t know, growing the fuck up, shutting your mouth and just doing what feels good?
Ugh.
You rang?
Also jesus christ those are unnattractive hands. My word. This is the stuff of nightmares. My boyfriend is sniffing around trying to figure out why I read this site. I have yet to explain JA to him. I am scared he will say she is cute and I will have to dump him. I doubt that’ll happen but…if it did, it would all be over.
Yes they are.
As if her fingers weren’t bad enough, she has those 1992 lee press on nails with a shade of polish my grandmother wore in 1986.
Me too! Any man who would the Donkey might as well not have a penis, as far as I am concerned.
Oh my god this is going to be a trainwreck. I am already feeling so embarrassed for her based on that small clip.
Also, I will need a lot of wine to watch this show.
@JFA: Julia tries on a few Kardashian inspired ensembles to prepare for a first date, slaps her ass, and proclaims that the best first date outfit should say “you can take me home to your mom, and I might also give you a blowjob in the car on the way over there.” or something like that.
vom in the shower
OH. My. God.
I actually feel sorry for her parents. I really do. Watching her try SO HARD to be a tv persona is going to be so painful! Simultaneously hilarious and just so fucking cringe-worthy!
What a disgusting whore. Yes I will say whore. Because whores use sex to get what they want. She’s using sexuality to try to be SEXAY etc instead of you know, actually owning it because she likes to fuck. Just sit the fuck down asshole.
I think that line could be funny, but just not coming from Julia. No matter what material she’s given to work with, she has no delivery and no likable presence.
Everything she says sounds like she took it straight from the Carrie Bradshaw playbook: “There’s no bad dates, just good brunch stories.” Except Carrie Bradshaw was very 1999.
Her entire personality is shaped by “Sex and the City.” She was what, a teenager, in hicktown when the show first aired? And now that she’s of a mature age, every step she takes is from Carrie Bradshaw’s playbook. The persona, the shrill, the tutus (petticoats), the phoney coyness, the horrific fashion & “style”. Homegirl is stuck in the late 90′s and early aughts, pretending to be a character from a TV show. That’s all kinds of crazy.
She also says there are no bad dates, just good dates or good brunch stories. (Paraphrasing.)
No mention of providing her with twitter/FB fodder for indiscreet humblebrags and/or nasty bitchslaps to broadcast to all and sundry when Wally Wallet du jour doesn’t live up to her expectations.
I like how she tries on three dresses that are the exact same style yet can’t decide between them.
too tight you mean?
Slap dat ass!
I literally did a facepalm while watching this.
I am also a bit late to this party… having just seen a few promos for the show — but, WOW — those are an unattractive group of women! I guess if they were really pretty smart cool (ie, non grating voices, for starters), they wouldn’t be on a show like that.
Trainwrech, please!
Also, does anyone know why JA looks so puffy? (Her face, I mean.) Is there some cosmetic/plastic surgery thing going on that I don’t know about?
Interesting sponsored Tweet from someone who claims she can’t eat gluten or sugar:
JuliaAllison: Which #QuakerSoftBakedBar are you loving, Banana Nut Bread or the Cinnamon Pecan? RT w/ your fave flavor! #ad
Honestly. WTF?
And which flavor is your favorite JABa?
The gluten free/sugar free one that doesn’t exist?
Actually, maybe it does make sense after all … if you switch out QuakerSoftBakedBar and replace it with “eligible man who might be interested in madam Bravo relationship expert over there”, cause he ain’t all up in the category of things that actually exist either.
(Too long to hashtag though; maybe that’s why she’s going with the cereal bars instead.)
She only advertises junk food. There’s a joke in there somewhere but I’m too tired to find it.
Junk food, junk career, junk style, junk philosophies….
Junkyard queen!
Donkey only advertises junk food because cliched Donkey is so cliche, as in “You are what you eat” applies perfectly to both her outward appearance & her soul as well.
Dang, did I just give Donkey credit for doing something right? Now I’m anxiously awaiting the verdict of the Comment Police … will this pass muster / mustard (Hai, MMBH!)?
brayella, you _are_ the comment police!
@Jacy after she went on and on during her talk with Christine Kelly and Randi Zuckerberg that she would only endorse products she truly loves and would use.
Um, okay, Donkey, okay!
RT w/ my favorite restaurant!!
Why is her room so messy?! There’s just shit all over the floor — not like clutter or clothes, but actual trash. What are those things, wadded up Kleenxes?
I take this as yet more evidence Julia is really depressed. I’m not a tidy person by nature, but when I’m feeling down and out, my apartment definitely shows it. I remember Julia saying before, when she lived in New York, that she’s anally neat. Her NYC apartment always struck me as pretty clean.
http://gawker.com/5004787/inside-julia-allisons-apartment
The video attached to this article is priceless. The tacky thigh high suede boots make a guest appearance.
There is so much earnest, unintentional hilarity there. She really is the biggest tool.
She’s outgrown Gawker. She’s embarrassing herself on a bigger stage now, thank you. [sniff]
Her room is disgusting – did she even consider the fact that it’d come across as a pigsty on camera?
I noticed, too, that when her date came to collect her, she very quickly shut the door behind her. It didn’t seem pre-meditated for the camera blocking; rather, it felt like (1) she didn’t want to let him see inside and, (2) she just wanted to get the date over with. And to that point, she comes off as tired and less than thrilled. He seems to just be going through the motions, too.
This is going to be painful.
My reading of the body language and such is that she thought she was better than him, and he was just using this for the photo op. What a hot date!
um plus I’m usually saying “byeeee babies, mommy will be home soon!” to my dogs when I leave them for the umpteenth time alone, but Lily’s probably crying in the closet like usual
At the beginning of the clip she snaps at Lily- “C’mon! Gotta get ready- c’mon!” in this bitchy exasperated way. Why do you need the dog to get dressed?
That room looks like it belongs on Hoaders – it it disgusting. Trash all over the bed. WHAT. IS. WRONG. WITH. HER.????
PS, the clip is soooooo boring.
“Hoarders”… dear God, SSSF, so much trash.
(Don’t Donkeys eat trash? I imagine it’s gluten free!!!!)
It looks like she must have just moved in and she hadn’t fully unpacked yet. Yes, I hit pause and checked out the situation. Still all sorts of pink shit in boxes and tote bags.
You mean Task Rabbit hadn’t fully unpacked yet?
I have no idea what her NYC stable looked like, but I think that HER saying that she’s anally neat is about as relevant as her saying that humor is really important to her and she can’t communicate without it, or whatever it was that constituted her biggest problem when she was OMG abroad in an OMG Latin American country and expected to speak Spanish. Or her saying that she is shy, girly, “SO NICE.” Or that she loves maps and frequently engages in hours long conversations about architecture. Etc.
Meaning, when Donkey says Donkey is X, I am very inclined to believe that Donkey is as far from X as mathematically (it’s hardz 4 girls) possible.
Also, being neat involves WORK. Does that sound like a Donkey Alfersons kinda thing?
I agree. Julia’s NYC apartment may have looked sparse but I always suspected her closets were another matter altogether. This is the woman who kept tampons in her kitchen cabinets. She doesn’t seem at all organized to me — instead someone who has piles and piles of clothes in her closet and nothing but juice and nail polish in her refrigerator — an empty exterior and a staggering mess inside, which describes Julia in more ways than one. A homemaker she isn’t. Even if she had just moved in, what’s all that shit doing on the bed while cameras are rolling? The one who claimed publicly to lint roll her bedspread every morning can’t hide her mess under the bed until she gets unpacked?
A long time ago someone who worked for Julia leaked all these funny details about how she organised her apartment and the food she ate, but for the life of me I can’t remember any of them. Something about nail polish in the fridge maybe? Does anyone remember??
All I remember from that is “She eats a lot of broccoli.”
Wasn’t the polish in the fridge from the same video as the tampons in the kitchen cabinet?
So brave of the ‘rent$ to let her live on her own.
I keep my nail polish in the fridge so it doesn’t dry out.
Traumatizingly enough (although thanks for at least blocking the memories last night, brain!), I also remember some pretty hardcore photographic evidence that the concept of basic hygiene is not pink enough for our Donks. All the recently featured greasy pelts galore aside, stunningly nasty hoof covers situated in the middle of a plane aisle, anyone? Yeah, totally what an anally neat person would 1) think of doing, 2) do, and 3) document by taking a pic and posting it online.
She really must be as neat as she is nice.
Okay I watched
It. Who dresses like that on a first date wtf??? On my first
Date w my current bf we went to a dive bar
And then to get drunken tacos. I wore jeans. It was fun and casual
Because we are
Not 95 years old. Seriously one those
Of those dresses
Looked like a wedding party dress. Nothing says sexy like trying too
Hard.
iPhone formatting problems.
That was like a poem. I kinda like.
It was very stuff!
well, you’re not on TV trying to find a husband/date/career/life, dear heart
Nothing says “I’m ready to fuck” like wearing a wedding dress to a date. Because we all know what happens after the wedding..
Regret?
Annulment on the grounds of:
- abuse (tinnitus)
- fraud (She’s actually a donkey.)
and
- ongoing prior marriage (to her mirror)
divorce
Is there a BravoSexTape coming?
My daughters turn 28 this summer, and if either of them ever said such a thing — if either said it in the privacy of their own homes and I overheard it — I would seriously wonder what I had done wrong and how their lives had gone so astray.
But what if the guy they were talking about had a powerful mom and hit all 73 points on the checklist?
I’m sure I’d be all like “Try to keep your seatbelt on, dear.”
I remember a story appearing in the Washington Post on the day of Julia’s graduation. All about college women keeping lists of the men they’d fucked while in school. I believe Julia was the only one to give her name, and I indeed wondered where exactly the Boogers went wrong.
How does she always find these opportunities to be quoted? I do not understand. It doesn’t seem normal to me.
Julia was on the WP ‘s radar because of the Hoya plagiarism thing. Also I seem to recall some sort of dumb feature on her in the Style section. And she knew that horrible Lloyd Grove, who might have still been at the WP at the time….
She was also sucking up to Michael Wilbon, among others. Transparent Donkey is Transparent.
I also have to say, having seen him around NYC, Lloyd Grove has to be the MOST unattractive man I have ever seen in my life… well, okay, not in my entire life, but I certainly would not have a conversation with the guy, or meet him for coffee or a drink, or anything. Dorksville.
This looks like the article:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A46835-2004May21.html
“Julia Baugher, who graduated this month from Georgetown, wrote about numbers in her sex column for the student newspaper. “If x = Number [that women] say they’ve slept with,” she wrote, “then the Actual Number is x + Number she wishes she hadn’t slept with.”
“I used to be really [picky] about my number,” says Baugher, who keeps a running total on a computerized spreadsheet with side comments such as “weird teeth” and “future med student.”
“I said everything counted,” she continues. “I was approaching double digits and I didn’t like it, but I didn’t think there was anything I could do about it.”
Then she came across the irreverent paperback “The Catholic Girl’s Guide to Sex,” which lists all the reasons a girl can use to knock a guy off the list: She was drunk, or on vacation. It was an accident, or he was an ex.”
Oh look, Jack! They also quote your new BFF, Kristin Thorne:
“Kristin Thorne, who graduated this year from Georgetown University, attended a Catholic high school where, she says, “girls typed up lists showing how many guys they hooked up with.” (“Hooked up” is a deliberately vague term coined by this generation to mean anything from serious kissing to intercourse.)
Once they arrived at college, two friends told her they planned not to have sex with more than 10 guys, but if they did, number 11 would become their husbands. “I think they were hoping to settle down,” Thorne said.
Then number 11 came along. They called Thorne and “laughed at themselves. They’ve now moved beyond that number and are still searching.”
I didn’t click the link, so I might be missing something crucial in the context, but I literally genuinely don’t understand what that shit is supposed to MEAN. Dumb chicks sleep with men that aren’t worthy “settling down” with and later they regret it? And they keep lists of those unfortunate menz that include “future med students?” Where did WaPo get the idea that this is interesting? People temporarily “hooking up with” other people? Bwuh?
Good work, Dr. G! I remember everyone tittering about Julia’s asinine comments in the WP, embarrassing the university once again, but I’d forgotten ol’ Glistening Lips was also idiotic enough to let herself be quoted. Wonder who talked her into it?
Fascinating, Kristin, fascinating stuff!
No way Julia will ever give a blow job. The clue is the “job” in the name. You can, however, request a blow desk errand if you’re prepared to fork over the requisite shoes (two pairs).
WINNER
She would probably ask an intern to do it for her.
Or there is always the blow get the intern to do it option…
Whoops — sorry Donkeycam — did not see your reply. Sorry.
Great minds, etc.
I think she’s trying to talk in soundbites for the show, but all it is is mortifying.
Yes, let’s give our pet donkey some credit. She’s been preparing her whole life for this show. I’m sure she would have allowed a green infrared fuck-camera if any of her dates bothered to sleep over.
I feel like I’m harping on the minor detail that she’s completely invented her entire work history, but… If you were watching someone nutty on TV and her title was “dating columnist,” wouldn’t you go straight to Google to find some of her columns?
Pearsonally, I would crowdsource it on Twitter.
Especially if she has winning advice like “Suck dick on the first date”.
Man there are gonna be so many noobs that wind up here.. “HEY GUYS WHERE IS THE DATING COLUMN? ALL I CAN FIND IS THIS WEIRD TECH ETIQUETTE BULLSHIT”
I know we say this all the time, but GOD is her face fucked up.
I almost posted the same thing and didn’t because I feel like we’re beating a dead donkey but HOLY SHIT IS HER FACE FUCKED.
Whta’s crazy is for her face to look SO BAD when it’s been professionally lit. Damn. And WHERE. ARE. HER. EYES????
Seriously you could not pay me enough to say something like that on television. Forget about that shit being saved for posterity, but I cringe just imagining my father watching me make a comment like that. Ugh.
And her delivery. I can’t. So this show appeals to whom again, exactly? It’s in no way shocking or edgy. It’s boring. no one is going to watch this shit. It’s sorta hilarious to think about this even getting a green light. Who thought this would be a runaway success?
I do feel sorry for her mother, but I won’t cut Dad$er any slack since he decided to throw out the First Amendment in order to protect his wittle pink princess. Hope light in the loafers Petey overhears his colleagues talking about his trashy, fellatio-on-the-first-date spawn when making his way to the water cooler.
I really hope that Daddy knows that a month ago, his idiotic daughter tried to leak to her “hate site” the name of some dude she claims to be dating. After he embarrassed himself professionally to try to have us shut down. I would have lost my shit if I was him.
leaking a name is nothing compared to using his dying mother’s hand for a prop in a photo op.
DeStorm #NEVAHFORGET!
I’m a bit conflicted. I am going to take a wild guess that she literally harangued her father for YEARS to flex his lawyer muscles. So he threw her a bone. IT’s not right, it wasn’t very professional…but from what I understand (I could be wrong?) he dropped it. MOst likely because he had no case but also because he probably was glad to not have to do anything else.
I still feel sorry for them to have spawned this. They have to deal with her FOREVER. And they can’t be all bad if they produced Brit, who seems fine. I mean I can’t stand Dadsers usu but I still pity them.
I remain firmly in the “these people suck” camp. My brother lives in Wilmette. I’ve met a lot of rich, out-of-touch parents there, but not the enablers that these folks are. #somethingiswrong
I think that whole thing was based on the fact that she was dating Jack and daddy wanted her to look good. I’m so sorry so fat so drunk so tired, don’t comment much, but I thing ol’ Petey saw it as an opportunity to finally get his lazy daughter off his back. If he could just get rid of the Internet trail then omg fresh water pearls in dish gloves might finally find another wallet to sponge off of and leave him and Raul in peace.
It was plastic and rehearsed. It’s porno quality acting. Those are the shows highlights, ugggh, the rest has to be absolutely terrible.
The trailer should sizzle and, as you note, contain the show’s highlights. I found it boring as fuck, and the naughty-naughty b.j. comment both dated and trashy, and not offering anything beyond that cheap, calculated soundbyte.
That BJ comment might have been edgy in 1990.
Can we talk about how she’s drying her dry hair in this video? And how when she’s clomping along next to her date she looks like a professional wrestler?
and making sausage curls
And opening her mouth, which makes her eyes open strangely, to get her fingers on her tongue to cover them with spit. Then wiping her two spit covered fingers under her eyes to remove eyeliner.
Speaking as a filmmaker, the fact that this horrifying moment is being included in the show means that the producers and video editors hate her. Trust.
Ew. EW. Use a piece of toilet paper, you dumb donkey. Oh right, you probably don’t have any.
I find it most interesting that Julia says that she is an expert at getting first dates, and yet she had to have all of her dates arranged by Brayvo for this show. If she is so great at getting dates, it should have been a no-brainer. Instead, apparently a no-boner.
Super-feminist Donkey chooses her clothing solely by the effect she thinks it will have on men.
Also, laydees who genuinely enjoy sex = very sexy. Laydees who use sex as a weapon to try to get what they want? About as sexy as watching one of Donkey’s several rhinoplasties take place up close. Also reminiscent of the 1950s or some time when women had fewer tools available to get their way. In summary, Julia Allison is unsexy and passé.
She can’t get her giant head around the fact that this weird persona she’s created will not land her a husband. You have to date people for a significant amount of time before you get married in the real world, and pretending to be someone else for three dates isn’t going to do it.
This. She wants a [Jordacted] insta-engagement and it just isn’t going to happen. It makes me think she *just* self-aware enough to realize that her odds of having a ring put on it decrease with every minute she spends in a potential wallet’s company.
You know, maybe that explains why Julia Allison Baugher has been stalking DeStorm Power, Jelly Doughnut & Michael Acton-Smith … she (literally!) thinks that musicians are the demographic of men most likely to propose to her in T-minus six weeks, just because it played out that way w/ [Jordacted]?
Oh, honey … bless your pea-pickin’ li’l heart …
Julia Allison is unsexy and passé.
If the entire blog (this one or hers) were nuked and replaced with this sentence, the net effect would be the same.
Out the door, bunnies, but wouldn’t want to leave w/o posting a Deep Thought from Kristin Thorne for this lovely Friday!
“I find the human brain so fascinating. Which is why I’m passing along this story about a new study that shows a link between violent video games and aggression. It relies completely on brain waves and patterns. Fascinating stuff.”
I love this feature you’ve brought us, Jack.
Thanks, Handbag! I think you’re fascinating!
Not for nothing but “Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair” makes me at least smile every time I see it because I remember why the “Cohen” was added. Seriously funny thread at the time.
While Julia is blowing for shoes, Kristin Thorne is blowing for career opportunities, right? Because unless she is secretly somehow related to Walter Cronkite or someone there is honestly no other explaination of how this bitch got anywhere in life! She truly baughles the mind. Her deep thoughts (which I love you bringing us as well, Jack!) are even a step down from those of the blondes of Fox News.
Kristin would wander Georgetown with this blank look on her face while licking wetter than wet porn star lips. I had to suppress giggles whenever running into her. Now I just go to her Facebook page and openly laugh.
But, Jack, just between use guys…bulldog to tomcat…did KT do the nasty on the regular? Assign, please, on the Slut-O-Meter an appropriate value from 0 (knees tighter than humanly possible) to 10 (train puller, old school). This knowledge is necessary for my planets to remain in alignment.
Beauchamp, is that you?
To be a TV reporter these days, you really only need to be able to 1) look good; 2) be a good actor. The wheat from the chaff moment usually comes when they’re asked to do actual live TV for a big event. I went to Medill for an MA years ago and, of my broadcast class of about 15, there were two people who were serious journalists. The ones who actually performed the best in front of a camera (in a scripted setting) were the dumbest.
She’s a suburban beat reporter. I’m missing what she’s achieved. She does really bad fluff segments.
Something tells me that PettiFogger won’t be spending
muchany time around the Schlump & Vice water cooler during Season I of Bravo’s Miss Advised & that any / all calls to Mom$er will go straight to voice mail until her mailbox is full & won’t accept new messages from the Power Moms of the Kenilworth Deballage.Other predictions include Cute & Tiny™ Allie enjoying the ever-living shit out of this fiasco, up to & including Gluten+ catered watch parties & tapings for future generations of Baughers to have & behold (assuming that she doesn’t put the kibosh on Little Brother Britt carrying on the Baugher name due to concerns of congenital insanity, etc.)
I hope the local Wilmette paper does a story on this and the whole neighborhood tunes in. How embarrassing for the Baughers. On the other hand, Momsers did visit Donks during the time the filming was going on, so she’s probably on the show. #thesepeoplesuck
Maybe Britt really is a genius and his birthday gift was a subtle hint to his parents to spend the summer on a boat. A little sun, a little booze, calming sounds of waves and no TV, internet or neighbours unable to contain their schadenfreude or serious concern.
I had to fight to make it through that minute and 15 second clip…literally with my hands over my eyes looking at the screen through my fingers.
What a cruel twist of fate that someone so obsessed with being on television is such UNADULTERATED CAMERA POISON. Its like a magnetic, repelling force is pushing back against me from the screen. And she looks fucking OLD!
And again, her attempts at humor/sensuality are just so painfully OFF! But not as “off” as her bedroom? It looked like she literally just had clothes thrown all over the room, crazy woman style.
This entire thing is pathetic and sad.
After watching that clip, I sure wouldn’t want a son of mine dating this girl.
Oh, wait.
A simple “like” button is not enough to express my love for this comment.
Also, how are you feeling these days? Are you back to your usual energy and stamina and pain-free-ness? My hope is “yes”!
You sure dodged a bullet!
Now you know what happened on the way to your place when he brought her to meet you!
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.
I love this comment so much, I’m gonna make out with it after school in the parking lot at 7-11.
Okay, but you’ll have to pick it up from behind the band hall. I should be done with it by then.
Oh, [R'S] mom, it is rare for me to be so caught off guard I actually choke on a pretzel crisp, like some latter-day George Bush, but you managed to make it happen. All my hats and all my handbags filled with hair tipped to you.
To be fair, [Redacted's Mom], your son was dating someone who to any but the most eagle-eyed viewer, appears to have been a completely different girl. Especially if they have the sound turned down and/or don’t speak English.
Can I just say how happy I am that you’re here? Hope you’re doing well!
Seems like the same girl to me, tbh.
In the tradition of parents whose sons have been targeted by a donkey, from Wilmette Dan to Pancakes McCain, Mumdacted thanks her lucky stars everyday!
Not a big deal, back then it seemed like she had some type of future. Now, not so much.
This might be the funniest comment ever. I laughed so hard.
I think [REDACTED'S] Mom may have the most “liked” comment ever in the history of RBD.
I love you so god damn much.
As someone who used to often sleep with people on the first date myself, because why not if I liked them enough to go on a date with them, this icks me beyond words because a) it’s so calculating, b) it’s so reductive of sex to a “she gives, he gets”, c) we know that for Julie Albertson the equation is “she gives, he gets, she gets shoes and dresses”, and d) braying about it on the teevee is the epitome of crass. She should change her name to Julia Crassia.
Can you imagine living a “life” where you never had sex because you just felt like fucking? Julia can!
I like the sound of ‘Julia Crassaloon’ myself.
WHY HAS NO ONE SCREEN GRABBED!!!!
My fav would be when she is at her bathroom mirror and seems to be popping in her false teeth (teef). I feel this foreshadows the future as this Donkey will still be alone at 82, trying to wrangle a man!
Fifty more years, kittens!!!
Bravo indeed.
LOVE IT! LOVE YOU!
LOL!
Blow Job Dam insertion?
This really confused me in the video. Is she actually licking her sausage snappers and then dabbing them under her eyes to clean off accumulated eye make-up? Because, ewwww. So hygienic, our Donkey.
Seriously, what is she doing there? Checking that her tongue is ready for first-date shaft-licking?
Jacy, this was my take.
It looks like she’s popping zits on her tongue. She’s so fucking nasty that she probably has tongue acne!
Next on Whore-ders…
I imagine she just slept on a heap of crap that night or what? Just pushed it all on the floor?
Then again, she doesn’t sleep so her bed is basically a closet.
Task. *snap* Rabbit. *snap*
Hate to disagree, but I think her bed is more like her desk; it’s where she hopes to get errands done and make some fuck you money, all while on her back!
Uhm … Donkey has blinds on one window & uses a what, a folding table or collapsed card board box to semi-shield the other window? Obviously not north-facing windows, but still, how fuck is all that?
I showed this to the fibs-a-lot 6yo kid w/ the messiest bedroom of any messy kid ever & told her that what happens to groan-ass women who don’t outgrow lying & living in a pig sty is that they end up tv w/ people all around the world pointing & laughing at them.
Maybe Donkey *can* save ALL THE GIRLS after all …
I’ve seen rooms after earthquakes that were neater AND thexier.
Daaamn girl! That is a MESS. And I say this as someone who can definitely let a mess pile up around me. Also my room never had that much pink decor when I was an infant or a little girl into the princess stage.
But Powerful Moms, you don’t understand. The pink is how she is a girl, and will always be a girl, and how she attracts ALL THE BOYS. Boys only like girls with great skills, and those skills consist of having lots of pink stuff. Also, blowjobs on the way to meet mom. Pink mom blowjob pink! Lots and lots of pink Bach! Freshwater Bach! Bach blowjob! Eighty Shades of Pink (bright)!
With all seriousness, if I walked into her apartment on the start of a date, and saw her bedroom looking like that, even if she had just moved in THAT DAY, I’d send the SOS text message, wait for the immediate call from my friend, then turn right around and run (“I’m so sorry, something life-or-death has popped up, call me to reschedule”).
Smush Monster!!!
That. Still.
No one can look at that picture and not agree she had maxiofacial surgery on her lower jaw to pull it forward to fix that overbite of hers. The thing is that one is supposed to look better afterwards. The difference is dramatic improvement in all cases, but hers. Take that Palin kid Bristol. This has got to be karma biting her in the ass that she could have cosmetic surgery and look so much worse.
Her earlier pointy chin was cute. Now, the muppet mouth makes her face too big for her body. That size face wouldn’t fit a 6’4 man. Jay Leno, maybe.
More like Eric Stonestreet (who I adore, BTW).
Omg! Dying!
Meghan Asha was just on Kathy Lee and Hoda modeling a dress for a beach wedding. oh, what our lady wouldn’t do to have that spot! Asha’s the last model in the video: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/29054368
Enjoy!
Why did she do that? Part of her OMG IVY course credit?
If you fit into sample sizes and have friends in fashion, photography or daytime TV, you will eventually be pressed into warm-blooded mannequin duty. Her friend is just lucky they didn’t need a hat model. #gourdhead #nevarforget
But did she point at anything?
At about 1:07 in the video, after Donkey ‘oohs’ & Justin says: “Fancy”, what does Donkey bray? It sounds like her response is: “Fanny” …
“Seedy”?
Dunno. I kind of guessed that she echoed ‘fancy’ which came out as a muffled ‘fanthy’ that ultimately sounded like ‘fanny’ …
pretty.
(i used to work with children with severe developmental issues)
I heard, “prrrrreeetyyyyy” as well. She is a LUNATIC. I can’t wait to watch this trainwreck next week – my BFF even reserved the movie room in her building for maximum viewing pleasure (cringing)!
Why does her voice sound like a 55-year-old, 2-pack a day truck stop waitress?
Or Fran Drescher on a bad day?
or the mom on bob’s burgers when she goes OOOOOOOOoooooo!
This is not hyperbole: she looks like my 60 year old aunt. My aunt looks pretty good for 60. But this? This is wrong. Something is wrong here. I’m still shocked she didn’t cleanse or lose weight for the show. What on earth was she thinking?
The weirdest thing about this picture is the RBD recommended side part. Three, four years of hyper-diligent reblogging and commenting, and the advice she actually takes is where to part her hair.
I often wonder the same thing. One would think she would take advice about therapy, but the side part is all she learns.
She didn’t take that advice. She was styled.
WHOA!!!!
Come on, THE EYE BROWS! Are they stapled up… is that surgery????
THE LIPS, no, no, no!
I cannot believe what she has done to her face.
Wangs might be in order now. Anything to distract from those tragic brows.
Thank you.
Not many get a 2nd chance, Wangs …
SO. BLESSED.
Those eyebrows look like my 60+ year old aunt’s but she has an excuse, hers are drawn on. Good lord.
It’s the spider lashes that *always* do me in. Seriously. Do makeup artists hate her as much as camera operators? She probably insisted on putting on her own “face” in order to blow off her call time.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWw
how sad is it to be 30 (31?) and have screwed up your face with plastic surgery to the point where your facial muscles move asymmetrically.
Do her eyebrows look like because of surgery/fillers, or because she plucked them that way?!
I think there’s some Botox at play here.
Yeah, I’ve seen bad botox give the perma-surprise look. She probably got a Groupon because she’s too cheap and stupid to pay someone competent.
It has to be botox. Try holding the space between your eyes and the forehead above in place while while raising your eyebrows. Instant Donkey arches! Notice the absence of wrinkles on her forehead too. Also… Jerri Blank.
That is a browlift. It is.
OK you know that part in Goodfellas where they have the guy in the trunk and they are at joe pesci’s mom’s house and she shows them the painting of the two dogs and the guy in the boat and one says (i paraphrase) “i like it! one dog is looking this way and the other dog is looking that way and the guy is like hey, what do you want from me?”
that’s kinda what’s up with her eyebrows and lips and nose.
I’ve seen better-assembled Mr. Potato Heads.
It’s like Dr. Bobby was played a drinking game called “Throw a dart, name that body part!”
Keep it coming, love.
What’s up with the cardboard boxes outside of the front door? It’s almost like the Bravo producers want her to look trashy.
Also, OT: anyone see this on Buzzfeed? At least several of the things reminded me of JA: http://www.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeedshift/27-ways-sex-and-the-city-would-be-different-if-i?s=mobile
Maybe Toilet Julia went all Pancakes on her? Boxes + Tape?
Where the fuck is Bald Julia? Six months ago they were taking Christmas pictures in matching sweaters, not a peep since April. She didn’t say I’m sorry when Julia’s grandma died, no congrats on the Miss Advised announcement. Something is rotten in the state of Donkmark.
She brought Donkey chocolates when her Grandmother died but I 100% agree with you – she hasn’t liked any of Donkey’s statuses or wished Donkey well, re: the funeral, etc.
And it is 100% weird that she has not said anything about Miss Advised (ad) when she had been plugging it on her Facebook and telling her LOLfans that she couldn’t wait to tell them about a secret project she was working on.
It’s almost as if… they weren’t friends at all…
Feel free to relax. That was months ago! Nobody cares anymore!
This site has been on FIRE lately. Such a fun distraction from my bit of cabin fever. That video! Where to begin?! Yes I agree with everyone her face is FUCKED. Having seen those photos from last night its even more apparent. That room?! If I lived in a space like that I literally would not be able to think straight. I’m one of those people that when my home is in order so is my life and my mental/emotional state. It literally makes me anxious/unproductive/uncomfortable/depressed if things aren’t really clean and reasonably in order. That screen grab will absolutely give me nightmares tonight! Yeesh! The worst part? I’m sure with reasonable maintenance and some actual taste her living space could actually look very pretty, much like her! I think I feel the brayges
Are you coming down with the braypors?
She is seriously rocking a stroke face here. Jessica Simpson has the wonk eye on the cover of People (post many injectables) so I am wondering if this is a by product???
I saw that too!
But seriously, what is with the lips? She has the first symptom of stroke. Is that why she seems brain damaged?
I think she is just mid-bray.
Even before you posted this, I was looking at facial & nasal anatomy charts, trying to identify the name of the part of her nose bridge / cheek connection that seems to be perpetually inflamed these days (from snorting Adderall, or is it post-op swelling?) …
If what I found is right, it’s called the nasalis transverse (or compressor naris), a sphincter-like muscle of the nose … that made me laugh … Mulia Mallison is literally as assface.
Ok, so am I the only one who’s never seen all this going on in anyone’s nasal area? It sure doesn’t look … normal …
Besides some of her nose looking sort of skin-grafty, that close-up of the gap in her front teeth & the dark spot on the inside of one of her bottom teeth leaves me wondering if Donkey doesn’t wear a Snap On Smile … no shame in that, & it could even explain why she thutters onth in a while …
My niece has downs syndrome and she is much cuter.
HEY, DON’T MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE WITH BELL’S PALSY. IT SUCKS SO MUCH ASS. AND NOT IN AN ANDY COHEN SITTING ON MY FACE SORT OF WAY.
Pretty sure most men don’t find it sexy to have references to their moms and blowjobs in the same sentence.
Just trying to help, Donks. You’re welcome. Also what happened to buttoned down shirt exposed chest man with the black leather couch who lived in his mother’s basement apartment? Nary a mention of him since that twit pic. Sadsies.
wow i forgot about that dude. there’s something about her vapid life that makes it tough to recall… stuff.
It’s all very stuff.
I once got a blow job from Donkey
It was a little bit wet and all sloppy.
At the moment of truth
I missed high at her tooth
And that’s why her eye is all wonky
Classic and adheres to limerick syntax. Well done.
I think Ryan Basford seems like an incredible tool. And he’s short and skinny and young looking. So maybe those two kids will find each other and take each other off the radar screen. One can hope.
GOMR. Get off my radar.
Yo, Stripper …. you were ‘going to stand down on the making fun of the superficial stuff’ (like Donkey’s old nose) because you ‘think we can do better than pointing and laughing at what is the most obvious and banal of aspects’ & ‘would prefer to be using this blog to educate the less knowledgable masses on the truths’ behind Donkey’s sociopathic spin …
And yet, you ragging now on some random who’s mentioned nowhere else in this post on a blog not at all about him, calling him ‘short and skinny and young looking’ is in direct contradiction your own dictum of last night (therein lies the problem w/ trying to censor &/or micro-manage people on a snark site, of all places).
No one’s entertainment demands are going to be met all the time.
If / When mods want input on posting rules, they’ll ask.
Don’t internalize the snark.
That’s all.
I iz sorryz about snarking about the quality of snark, and not very snarkily either.
I do wish that she would get a boyfriend and go away. Of course neither will ever happen.
I didn’t pay that much attention, but she was talking about blowing a guy in the car on the way to meet his parents… that would be a bit after the first date usually. But mostly, I don’t see how a BJ is such a big deal that it requires advice. I mean, duh.
It’s pretty revealing she thinks that it’s important advice to blow your boyfriend.
What she said was that the perfect first-date dress is one you could wear home to meet his mother but also suggests you might give him a blow-job on the way there. So a combo of sexy and prim, I guess?
She was inspired by this 19-year-old Debbie Gibson video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVSBgbtlQ1A – they both have lithpth!
It’s all about accessorizing w/ a pearl necklace.
“If it feels good, do it!” only works when you’re sane and have reasonably reliable instincts. She’s insane, makes bad decision after bad decision, and needs way more reassurance and attention than an emotionally healthy woman. It would be a really poor choice for her to blow or fuck a guy she just met.
Shocker – she advocates for that poor choice. And that’s why her life will always suck.
OK so I wanted to test my hypothesis that the $400/night (Air BnB) “beach home” (but yet… it’s on a canal full of sewage and surrounded by cookie cutter apartments full of senior citizens) is a pile of shit.
Paused it at :09… They have the cheapest Jenweld doors I’ve seen… the same doors I would put on a house in a bad area of town. Or in an apartment that rents for 1/3 the price of whatever Donk pays. Thin, flimsy, and they don’t open and close properly like a door with some heft to it.
Also? There are no thresholds ANYWHERE in that apartment. Is this a West Coast thing (**flashes west coast gang signs**)? Really, is that how you guys roll?
On the positive side, I do like the motion activated light… nice to not have to fish for the light switch if you need to relieve yourself in the middle of the night.
The octagonal mirror makes its first appearance here… it looks out of place. That place is so commercial, I could recreate that bathroom out of stock items at my Eastern Avenue Home Depot here in B’more. No joke. But of course I would take the tile all the way up the wall, none of this 36″ of tile. I do like that the tiles were spaced 1/8″ or butted up against each other (I can’t tell, but it’s obvious they aren’t 1/4″ because the grout lines would be visible. I rewinded this a few times to look and I didn’t see any shadows on grout lines as the video rolled.)
The lighting situation in that bathroom is weird–really good lighting on the side with the jacuzzi, yet bad on the side by the sink where you need the light more. Bathrooms are one area where you can get good bright light without having to throw a dimmer on it. It looks like 1 weak vanity light and 1 or 2recessed lights over the tub area that we really can’t see. (kind of visible at :18).
The window at :12 is rather unremarkable. I don’t think windows matter that much in SoCal. Anything new will have some low E coating to minimie solar heat gain, so I can’t do the same time of window rant as NYC, Chicago, or anywhere with a winter. Blah.
Moving along, at :19, I see what looks like a huge mirror and a smaller mirror. How many fucking mirrors does she need/have?
At :21 I nearly lost it… WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT FLOOR????!!?!?!111 Too shiny, too industrial looking. Is that Allure? If not Allure, then it’s a competitor brand also made for high traffic and/or commercial areas.
At this point I just threw my hands up and kind of gave up on the video; the only other thing I remember is a wall of glass block at :45ish which really stuck out. Things like that just look bad over time, very dated. When was that place built? Isn’t it new(ish?)???
Last thought–what’s up with Julia and midgets these days? This guy is tiny and cute (?), I thought I remember back in the day Julia said she liked taller guys? But now they’re mostly short or hideously ugly. Or they’re pastries.
Afghani out.
Yeah, he really is tiny and cute…
Does he remind anyone else of Bart Bass?
YOLO! Oh fuck. You have killed me. I am dead.
What is YOLO? This is the second time I have run across it today.
I had no idea either, but according to Urban Dictionary
YOLO
Acronym for You Only Live Once. Mainly used to defend doing something ranging from mild to extreme stupidity.
Example – Mild stupidity:
Friend: Dude, you probably shouldn’t smoke that joint you found on the ground.
Me: Fuck it, YOLO.
Example – Extreme stupidity:
Friend: Dude, you probably shouldn’t go out on a date with a sociopathic famewhore.
Me: YOLO? Oops.
That dress makes her tits look like they are racing to her knees to see which one gets there first.
Doesn’t she try these clothes on before she buys them? If she prides herself on her perfectly symmetrical breasts why put them in that dress?
Maybe her tits were headed to a me-eating w/ her pear-fectly symmetrical cows?
gigantic flatscreen perched on top of a pottery barn kids desk? She doesn’t even mix high / low – just gaudy and juvenile.
CALF IMPLANTS!!!!!!
Damnnnnnnnnnnnn.
I love the view from over a heap of trash on the bed.
Classy.
EWWWWW HER LEGS ZOMG MY EYES.
Stop wearing 7 inch fuck heels and give your grapefruit calves a fuckign rest. Hideous.
Stop.
afghani, never leave us
Why would there need to be a threshold for every room, if the flooring stays the same? It kind of breaks everything up, doesn’t it? I know you do this mostly to troll, Afghani, but you do have me curious.
The bathroom really needs a threshold. Look at it. Just LOOK at it. I never said every room needed one.
LOL — LEGALESES, bunnies!
Even if you never specifically ‘every’ room needed one, when you shrieked: “There are no thresholds ANYWHERE” (!!!), you pretty much implied that random thresholds seem to hold as much import as load-bearing walls.
And why, pray tell, does a bathroom need a threshold?
I’m on my phone, so I couldn’t see too clearly. It’s not something I pay attention to, unless the floors really are different in every room. Wood in the living room, white carpet for one bedroom, blue carpet for another, beige carpet for the stairs. Jesus. Drives me crazy!
Anyway, the way you said ANYWHERE had me thinking you were expecting one for every room. Oops. So sorry, so fat.
Sorry, I was implying that there are several places where one expects a threshold, especially in a $400 PER NIGHT place like Julia and Julia’s “beach home”.
But there are none.
It’s not something I pay attention to, unless the floors really are different in every room.
I guess you aren’t staring at the floor enough then.
IMAGONNAPLAYSTUPID: What do you mean by “threshold”?
No threshold needed, & especially in this era of aging baby boomers, smooth transitions are one of the many things that meets ADA recs for disabled persons, that’s part & parcel as to why you just don’t find ‘em in construction of the last decade & a half.
I wonder if Afghani has any idea about concrete counters & stained concrete floors being so very common these days …
Yup, concrete floors are definitely a thing.
Like any material, concrete can be done well or poorly. You’d have to show me examples.
In the case of Julia’s floors, I’m not criticizing that they’re laminate. Laminate is the bomb for a rental property, coming in at 20-30% of the price of real wood. What I am criticizing is how try-too-hard it looks. It’s super glossy.
I love ‘em! I know so many people who’ve pulled out carpet in slab foundation houses & painted the concrete — no regrets, any of ‘em.
Some friends had ‘em put in their brand new house, painted (stained, I guess) black, but w/ marbling (sp?) of grey veins & etching for the impression of huge (20 x20, I think) tiles, + a very high sheen … I know my description doesn’t do it justice, but it’s absolutely gorgeous.
Oh AFF, that just above was to Peari.
To you, no, I have no need to convince you, as it matters not a wit to moi if you get up to speed — you do your homework, I’ll do mine, eh?
What on god’s green earth is a “threshold?” I gotta ask. I live in a 800 sq. ft. one bedroom with a galley kitchen and I think I’m livin’ large here in nyc. Parquet floors nonetheless. I do like the commentary though. I’ve come to believe my windows are for shit, but my level for “win” is pretty low after years of walk up studios. Is a threshold something to do with changing the look of the next room (LOL given the years of living on one room)?
Thresholds add some structure to a room and are particularly good for mating certain flooring materials together, e.g. wood and tile. Marble is probably the most common threshold material.
A threshold is that transition between a change in flooring material, like for instance, the metal strips where carpet meets tile, or a wooden strip where wood planks meet kitchen linoleum.
In a nutshell, old school. Low curbs, if you will.
In other words, I have a threshold because the blackish tile in my galley ktichen hops a little wood strip to give onto my parquet floor, right? As someone who’s still thrilled to have a dishwasher three years on, I find this all very enlightening.
Yep, SJS. And nothing wrong w/ ‘em where they exist, it’s just strange when they’re still resorted to, if that makes sense.
Also, there are transitions & there are transitions — a threshold can be a transition but a transition isn’t necessarily a threshold.
I have no idea where AFF gets the notion that marble is the most common threshold material — I’ll argue that shit all day long, unless he meant something other than what he said.
That caulk is definitely not up to par.
I have thresholds in every gd room in my house and tell myself I’ll get around to sanding and restaining them all.
Also, wood is the most common threshold, marble being only common to bathrooms
Brayella, you are so feisty today! Everything okay, sweet cheeks? On another note, I am a home improvement enthusiast and I am confused about how my carpeted bedroom can transition to my vinyl bathroom floor without that gold metal strip in the doorway. I always thought that strip was called a threshold. Gotta get my learn on, yo!
@Mule on Rouge: (apologies in advance to others for TL;DR, but she did ask)
In newer construction, the underlay for hard surface floor can be (very often is) intentionally built-up so that the surface of the carpet sits at the same elevation as the surface of the hard flooring* — thresholds are usually non-existent — care does need to be taken though when mopping so as not to swish dirty water into the carpet’s edge, & maybe that’s AFF’s preference for a tangible threshold? Most people just take care not to get the carpet wet by hand cleaning perimeters, similar to how you probably wouldn’t bang a vacuum up against table legs?
* same effect results in older homes when multiple layers have been installed during previous renovations.
Types of transitions / thresholds that may accommodate future home improvement needs are commonly referred to as: Snap-down reducers; Flange tracks; Reducer strips; T-thresholds.
I personally am of the opinion that when the choice is either handicap-friendly or not, that the former is the choice to make, because when it comes to resale, that’s a large & growing demographic of potential buyers who you don’t want to have closed yourself off to, or you know, you may even suddenly / eventually also find yourself in that demographic one day.
‘Feisty’? I prefer ‘catty’, doncha know?
THAT’S WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT? That’s ugly.
This is hilarious, just had to add my two bits. I most commonly see marble used as a threshold between hardwood floors and that black and white checkered 40s bathroom tile. I think it was in vogue then, especially in federal style houses built around the midcentury.
The original structure of my house is 200 plus years old and I don’t see any thresholds there. But the parts that added in back in the 1940s and 80s do – most of them are wood. I like my thresholds and they serve as nice transitions. Ive never tripped on any of them. I also get sick sometimes of having an old house and long for a wide open modernist home with no thresholds (and nice smooth cool terrazzo floors) so there you go.
We call them “doorsills” here in Massachusetts.
We have several nice ones in our place, and one spectacularly gorgeous one, which our hippie contractor made in a fit of the sulks after he had mistakenly nailgunned through a gas line and the plumbers had to come out.
He retired to his converted-to-biodiesel schoolbus like Achilles to his tent, and emerged three or four hours later with this piece of wood that was streamlined like a motherfucking Brancusi. It is the most gorgeous hand-finished piece of wood in our entire house, and it hurt a little to see him nail it to the floor.
Ugh, That is one butt ugly threshold and it should be bevelled, no? Handyman special.
I agree with everything you said.
You are so bizarre. But I like it.
This entire comment is so interesting to me, I must admit. Afghani makes me look at my own house differently, or more carefully. I like it.
Every time you comment I picture greasy with a smoking jacket huffing on a pipe.
Can you please seriously shut the fuck up?
O/T but- Wisconsin catladies, are we doing a premiere party for Miss Ass-vice?
I’m just trying to figure out travel plans to visit family.
Feel free to email me: wormzscareme [at] gmail
We must! I’ll send you an e-mail, bunny!
This whole thing reminds me of Donkey.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/samir/overly-attached-girlfriend-is-the-girlfriend-mem
I finally watched it. She is so painfully awkward to watch (read and listen to). Who the fuck wears dresses on first dates? She thought she was so funny with that blowjob comment but it was super creepy and weird. You don’t have to watch more than a 2 minute clip to see why she is perenially single.
It’s like she takes her fashion cues from the girls on the match.com commercials. They’re always overdressed, or at least, most of them are.
This seemed about right.
Oh you fucking win the internet today for that find.
the real win here is her rating.
SPOILER ALERT RE: the “Young Adult” movie …
Scroll on by if you have plans to watch it ….
Okay, so I just finished watching it & for those who’ve seen it, I have a question:
Anyone else think that the Collette Wolfe character (Sandra Freehauf, Matt’s sister), in Donkey’s real life vomcom is none other than Christine Kelly? That is so how I imagine her, fawning over Donkey all girl-crush like, encouraging her to be more Donkey than she already is.
I think Lasagna is more that person. At least Christine Kelly has a career.
I forgot about Lasagna, but thinking about her now, she seems more of a whupped dog w/ a broken spirit than a fangirl w/ a donkey crush. Poor Lasagna, I can’t even imagine her working up enthusiasm, she seems so martyr-like.
Too close to call?
Tots Lasagna. Never understood why CK insists on always-ing the donkey, but at least she occasionally takes the odd snide swipe in response to Julie’s antics and publicly posts them on her FB wall. Before Lasagna got cast off into the land of former sisters, she was the hardest JA white knighter of them all, right down to “she just needs a lot of love” (if that was about JA, which it probably was). Assuming she’s moved on from the donkey show, does her LinkedIn still showcase her “stint” as COO/exec. producer for the fail that was NS? Time to pull that profile and work on salvaging whatever “career” she’d hoped to have or just keeping her resume OFF the internet and trying to find a jerb… though I’m sure she has by now.
I think Lasagna was/is similar to one of those who feels they’ve invested way too much of their time/money into something to just let it go and accept the loss. To that end, she could easily have been blindly indignant when anything (read: RBD) threatened that investment, which she hoped would at some point amount to something. Truth hurts, and as there were frequently floating rumors of a little ravioli in the oven, I’m sure at some point the grifted swag and minimal pay (if any at all) wouldn’t exactly have been good enough.
IDK that she’s still playing warrior for donkey; anyone recent doing something similar is more likely to be a lasagna-in-training who also got tricked by the prethentathon & perthepthon wool that sociopaths find really easy to pull over the eyes of those who don’t think to question and research further.
At one point recently I stumbled upon an old Donk Tweet or blog post in which she made clear Lasagna should not be confused with other Meghans, who were actual friends. Lasagna was just an assistant.
Oooh, yet another quarter-turn twist of Donkey’s knife in Lasagna’s back! Maybe the Bravo show Miss Advised will be somewhat entertaining (for us, not the masses) but I tell you what, it’s when Lasagna goes balls-to-the-wall psycho batshit insane on Donkey that I want a front row seat.
Lasagna really should have timed a tell-all book w/ the airing of Miss Assvice, if she wanted remuneration*.
*TIL it’s not ‘renumeration’ … you really ought to look more closey at those squiggly red lines, MMBH.
Uhhh!!!!
TIL:
Closey
To be almost yet not quite struck in the genitals by an object
So let me get this straight:
Reading 50 Shades of Grey in public = embarrassing.
Saying ON NATIONAL TELEVISION, that you’d like to convey — on a first date — that you’re willing to blow a guy just before you meet his mom = totally acceptable.
In the immortal words of JFA, “pick a lane, asshole.”
I’m quoted! So blessed.
But yeah. She can’t decide if she’s a whore or a prude. It’s just gross.
You catladies are ON FIRE tonight. I just got back from a three-hours-each-way jaunt into Brooklyn to see friends at some stupid Williamsburg hipster bar. All I wanted all night was to go home and sit in bed with my computer & cat, and I get home to one of the funniest RBD threads in recent history! What a treat!
Brooklyn is SO FAR AWAY
OT: 50 Shades of Grey related–her chapter recaps are leaving me howling: http://jenniferarmintrout.blogspot.com.au
Here is an ACTUAL LINE from 50 Shades of Grey. I die. “Argh!” I cry as I feel a weird pinching sensation deep inside me as he rips through my virginity.
And excerpt from Jennifer’s recap:
There you have it. At age twenty-one and a lifetime of clumsiness, Ana is still, unbelievably, factory-sealed, and breaking the seal voids the warranty turns her into a pirate. Please note how the author keeps with romance novel tradition by having the hymen situated way up in there. That’s a proud and noble tradition, steeped in total refusal of how the female body works.
And another: Did anyone watch last week’s episode of Game of Thrones? Every time someone was ordering a whore to beat another whore to death, or forcing a live rat to burrow through a screaming man’s heart.[...]I’m no medieval historian or anything, but I’m pretty sure nothing about the Inquisition was faintly citrus scented. Ana has stumbled into the executive class Inquisition, is what I’m thinking.
I am working my way through her chapter recaps–they aren’t consistently tagged but worth browsing for. Happy weekend, catpeeps.
50 shades was originally twilight fan fiction and revised. I will not read it as fan fiction gives me the brayges.
I have only read what was available as Kindle previews of this trilogy (which is about as much as I could stomach of the first Twilight book) and even I can see blatant parallels. So in the fanfic world you can appropriate entire characters, given you change their names?
I do not understand fanfic–I have a friend who felt driven to write Harry Potter sex scenes that are rumored to be revered in the scene–this doesn’t surprise me at all, her original fiction is incredible. She refuses to let any of us read it.
What brings the lols is that, allegedly, someone else adapted THIS 50 trilogy into moar fanfic and EL James got lawyered up, screeching ‘copyright infringement.’ As EL James’ rendition of Jacob the werewolf, husky photographer Jose Rodriguez, says at the start of any conversation, “Dios mio.”
No, really. And there are characters named Ana and Mia. And a Red Room of Pain. And a D/s contract IN ITS ENTIRETY with all the forever, in perpetuity, harshy-harsh blah one would expect. And lots of breathless pauses about what is going on down…there. Serious. There is a discussion about fisting. Still…down…there.
In retrospect, it’s probably the printed Draconian contract, tedious invented emails reprinted full-text and product placement that’s whipping A Donkey’s clam juices to a froth on this book.
I am an author, so read all three of 50 Shades books about a month ago, just to see what the author had done and what all the fuss was about. I am totally totally glad that she is such a huge success + made a pile of money, but the British-isms just got on my nerves.
“Erm,” “Argh,” “Whilst” (others I can’t think of).
For the heck of it, emailed the author and she and I had a very nice email exchange (I guess this was before her entire world blew up and the book was released in pb in America)… she said they were going to make it more “American,” but all the Brit phrases really bothered me after a while. Also — I wonder, are the Brits more into S&M? I think it is all those weird prep schools they sent the kids (esp the boys) at, like, the age of six.
How ’bout all the “Holy Craps” I only read the sex scenes.
Klassy like Kate Middleton, our donkey is!
Why does she have a giant tv in her bedroom? I thought she never watches television?
Only glee, sex in the city and whatever that new York show based on teens is (can’t remember name)
OT, because Donkey’s classy wisdom is only fascinating to a very limited degree: I saw this movie last night
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Intouchables
and while it’s nowhere near my top ten, I can recommend it. The plot sounds rather lame / corny, but the movie miraculously isn’t. There are some “bray with laughter” funny moments, too. On the other hand, according to the Wikipedia article, Variety thinks it’s racist, which I haven’t noticed, but I guess that as a sad obese jealous hater I can be pretty racist when it comes down to it, too.
Thank you for a movie rec that gives nothing away! (I’m not following the wiki link, I’m just going to look on Amazon Prime for the freebie view-on-demand or I’ll queue it on Netflix). Is there a genre that you would pigeonhole this movie into? Is there a bunch of graphic violence? (I’m a wimp, & I detest sci-fi, is why I ask). TIA!
Oh no, I don’t think there’s any violence at all. Basically, rich and sophisticate tetraplegic hires a young (and OMG black) ex-felon who is the exact opposite of rich and sophisticate, as his live-in carer. Over time, they become close friends, have lots of fun together, and learn from each other. Told ya it sounds lame…. based on a true story no less.
I watched the other night and loved it. I laughed. I cried. Highly, highly recommend.
And I found a place to watch it online for free:
http://cokencorn.com/
You just need to sign up for a log in. They email you a password and that’s it. You don’t need to do anything else. It was the only version I could find online with English subtitles (it’s in French). Make sure you select ‘English’ subtitles at the bottom of the screen before you watch, since it gives you a few language selections.
I’d also read that some people are calling it racist. I didn’t get that at all. Apparently, the French don’t feel that way either. It’s just the Americans.
I honestly never heard about anyone seeing anything even remotely racist in it, until I read about the Variety review. It’s quite fascinating, not the first time I’ve noticed this phenomenon. IMO, there’s no doubt that political correctness is MUCH more of a thing in the US than anywhere in Europe, and that can be both good and bad. I realize that real and more or less blatant racism or sexism is much more acceptable in my country (and to varying degrees, in other European countries…. perhaps fig can weigh in?) than in the US, and my American friends have actually helped me recognize that. At the same time, I can’t help thinking that there’s lots of overreacting play here as well. As far as this movie goes, IMO one of the characters just happens to be black, and that’s all there is to it.Then again, I might be a racist.
My best friend, who is more or less a self-proclaimed commie, has a theory that Americans make everything about race to distract from real CLASS issues, heh.
Thanks for the servicey link, Dr. Gary! I’ll forward it to people, and I also want to see the movie again. Didn’t you love the scene in the opera? I laughed until I choked.
Yes, the opera scene! Driss’ laugh is the best.
My best friend, who is more or less a self-proclaimed commie, has a theory that Americans make everything about race to distract from real CLASS issues, heh.
Your friend should probably never say that to a US black or Latino or Native communist, unless they enjoy hearing hours of angry rants.
That said, it is absolutely true that the (white) plutocracy in the US has invested vast sums of money into actively fostering racism (and before that, nativism–i.e., prejudice against newer white immigrants) among poor white people, and has done since the early 19th century, as a way to vent off social unrest before it gets up to their economic level.
It’s just not the whole story, and many US people who are personally targets of both racism and classism generally have some very clear ideas about how they are different.
I think that some people in the US have expressed the opinion that they find it odd that the real-life character who was North African was changed to Senegalese for the movie, given that the character starts out as a servant, but I think those are people who don’t have any idea what the socioeconomic statuses of different emigre communities in France are like, and/or that those communities have different histories vis-a-vis employment as household workers than do the corresponding communities in the US.
Tl; dr: people in the US think it’s icky to cast a black man as a servant, because there was so much of that in our film history, which is ridiculous because this is based on a real-life incident that happened in France, and the only major difference is that the servant-turned-companion was North African, not from Sub-Saharan Africa.
Tl;tl;dr: Many people are stupid and forget that different countries are different.
there was so much of that in our film history
And of course in our real history.
I was excited that Omar Sy won a César. I saw a couple of episodes of “Omar et Fred” and thought he was hilarious, so I am beyond psyched to see this movie. And of course I adore Cluzet.
Ah, thanks. That movie is/was huge in Germany and even my parents, who almost never go to the cinema went and loved it. Somehow it takes a catlady to finally make me see it. too.
Like I said, I don’t think it’s OMG TEH GREATEST, but at the same time it’s pretty hard not to enjoy it IMO.
Fig, I don’t remember where in Deutschland you are, I just want to bray that I spent four days in Berlin two weeks ago and LOVED IT SO HARD. It’s an amazing city, and the people were so nice (not in the Donkey sense of the term). I so want to go back.
Also, congrats on beating Portugal couple of hours ago.
Yay. Berlin is great. I hope you got a chance to try the Currywurst!
Growing up my parents took me to the Krkonoše (?) every summer and every winter and going to Prague was an extra special treat. I have not been in a few years, but next time I will totally take your list! And I totally cheered for CR on friday.
My catfriend’s parents didn’t like it, but they’re no fans of Omar Sy. Myself, every time that man smiles…. I have a little moment. Even in that stupid Service Après-Vente des Emissions on Canal that he does…
Anyway, the actual story I wanted to relate is that I work with a guy who knows the nephew of the guy in the wheelchair. It’s a true story, and apparently both parties liked the representations of themselves in the film.
I also think knowing French society well helps understand the film a bit more. It was HUGE here.
also, could we have a couple happy thoughts for France on Monday?
I thought the Germany – Portugal game was a bit slow after they scored, but I do like Neuer, so yay Germany. (in group b, i’m hoping for germany & netherlands, whose defeat was SHOCKING. I’d even put on my orange dress to help cheer for them)
The Germany game was sehr langweilig. GO IRELAND today.
I liked it too! the class and race issues are very well handled.
This is necessary here:
I wonder how many viewers (Power Moms!), if any, Fox Chicago heard from for promoting Julia Allison Baugher’s Miss Advised Bravo show, once the most recent trailer of her spouting off about blow jobs was released …
There’s too much to reproduce here (and I’m on my phone) but Xeni Jardin takes the NYT and our Donkey (mostly just the NYT) to task for this week’s lazy, shitty tech piece.
She does say this about Julia: “@heratylaw I have no beef with her, I’m sure she’s a nice person who just wants to work. But I take issue with tokenism in the Times.”
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t get past the …who just wants to work part. I guess Xeni has never encountered a donkey.
Xeni’s work ethic is…somewhat idiosyncratic.
Eh, as if Xeni Jardin isn’t her own brand of self-promoting fameball “woman in tech”. Promoting her bleached-blond 80′s Annie Lennox sexy style to the nerds, for years.
I lost respect for her and stopped reading Boing Boing when she posted and reposted and re-reposted some graphic video of a Russian teenager dying after some kind of parkour stunt gone bad, and she was all like, “I just want to write about what this means in the Internet age!” kind of bullshit, when she was just milking a snuff film. She’s not much better than Donks, in some ways worse imho.
I’ve always gotten the vibe from Xeni that she’s a complete fameball, half her act is just to get attention and be “weird and different,” and that she’s a nasty person in real life. (Look at how she treated her fallout with Violet Blue, who IMHO is an equal fameball annoyance.)
Why is my comment ‘awaiting moderation’? I’m a good cat lady.
The best.
Daddy, do you see my comment about The Thick of It? If you do, can you approve it?
(This was meant as a reply to Dr. Gary)
There are no comments pending.
How could anyone not approve of “The Thick of It”? Peter Capaldi is a god of rage.