For those of us who have been following this shit-show for awhile, we all remember “Jewish comedy writer.” That’s the dude whose religion Donkey felt it necessary to bring up every time she mentioned him. It was the summer of 2009, Harvard Harley wasn’t biting, and so she ended up on two dates with this guy. The first one went so well they ended up necking in the street and she promptly went on a radio show to breathlessly report this unusual New York event. The second date was a disaster, because she was soon Tweeting about how boring it was and suggesting the Jewish comedy writer wasn’t actually funny. Because if anyone knows comedy, people, it’s Julia Allison! A year later, and she was still Tweeting about how it was the worst second date she’d ever had in her life.
The guy was a writer for the Jimmy Fallon show — now the head monologue writer — and three years later, Donkey felt it necessary to publicly humiliate him by Tweet-butting into a conversation with at least one celebrity that had absolutely nothing to do with her. Oh God, the Cankleshausen. Again. And again. And again.
JuliaAllison: Huh. I went on two very … odd … dates with JB. RT
@mindykaling: Welcome@JeremyBronson how psyched are@MCWarburton and I
—
JuliaAllison:
@mindykaling@JeremyBronson@MCWarburton - if I recall, he actually took a call from his agent in the middle of one. Or was it his mom??
—
JeremyBronson:
@JuliaAllison@mindykaling@MCWarburton Mean!
Donkey is nothing if someone who doesn’t hold a long grudge. Because apparently she’s been desperate to ensure that Greg Gutfeld, the Red Eye host who banned her from his show due to her shitty work ethic, knows about her upcoming Bravo reality show “stardom.” When someone told him what she’s up to, he said “a sad Bravo reality show” was exactly what she deserved. Yesterday on The Five, the panel discussed the dude in Tennessee with 30 kids kids he can’t support. Gutfeld said on air that the guy was bound to end up on a “sad Bravo reality show.”
Oh honey.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I give up, was is it?
A melting marionette. #win
thank you pelts – love you!
“Julia ‘Moon-face’ Allison: Life in the Gutter” ?
Umm, erm… oops?
Also, what is so criminal about taking a call from someone during a date? I mean if the dude had on the phone for a half-hour, I’d get it. But to just pick up in case it might be something important, and have a brief conversation? I wouldn’t give a shit as long as the guy excused himself and kept it short. Special snowflake asshole.
i’m sure she has *never* done the same thing. who spoke at her brothers’ wedding as maid-of-honor with her cellphone in her hand? what would have happened if it had rung during her spiel?
Hahahahaha. As if anyone ever calls her.
I’m recalling the picture she posted of that guy’s bachelor party (you know who I mean … this is my ex high school sweetheart blah blah blah shut up donkey). Bunch of dudes and JABa sitting at a table. Only one person in the group felt the need to have their cell phone front and center on the table within reach.
One guess.
You, sir, are correct!
She has a hard time understanding people with jobs and lives. Give her some credit.
She who is too lazy & braytarded to hold a job of her own is secretly jealous of people who do hold jobs.
To wit: she shows no regard for other people’s work obligations — abuses couch-surfing hospitality by arriving in the wee hours of a week morning; loudly bangs dudes on her hosts couches; tweets that @astrologyzone should fire their IT guy because she couldn’t find her whore-0-scope; calls &/or faxes employers to tattle that their employees surf the net during office hours; shows up uninvited at College Humor to disrupt the work environment w/ @LillyDog’s floor-shitting; furiously calls &/or texts dudes at work, then publicly bitches about ‘em when they don’t respond immediately) …
On the other end of the spectrum, Donkey has no compunction whatsoever about abusing the system to use interns illegally to do her grunt work for her — SHE doesn’t earn her keep, so why should anyone else, right?
Her “social currency,” a term which I imagine is bandied about at TechCrunch, is a greasy foil wrapped coin of melted carob-infused kale chips, cheesy skillets, and scheme juices.
“Oh hai Mindy Kaling! We are so alike–why don’t you reply to my tweets? I mean, congrats for whatever–I’m at TechCrunch and have a carbuncle of a reality show lancing soon #ad and can’t imagine why you’d tout a loser who TAKES A CALL DURING A DATE? Who does that? Anyway, that was a joke, bunny, and you should tell all of your friends about a face product for men that is revolutionary…”
eh, I think it’s pretty obnoxious in general. the fact that it bothers her so much, though, speaks more to her than to him.
1) Julia would have to have an agent to understand the importance of taking an agent’s call
2) Julia would have to have a CAREER to understand the importance of taking an agent’s call
3) THIS IS A MAJOR MAJOR BITCH MOVE – Mindy isn’t your girlfriend Julia – she is a creator and executive producer – SHE IS THIS GUY’S BOSS and talk show writers kill for the opportunity to move to sitcom writing and for you to SMEAR HIS NAME is so f’ing cunty
KARMA: Julia, I know you’ve always wanted Mindy to know who you are – well when the writer’s gather in the room on June 1 be sure that because of this display THEY WILL ALL BE MAKING FUN OF YOU. That is a promise.
I know I would. Cunty Donkey is cunty.
Are you really what your nickname says? Either way, I hope you extract every possible nugget of hilarity from the rich mine that is A Donkey held at arm’s length.
Nah, it’s just me, Stripper Shoes. But how amazeballz would that be I’d Ben’s wife were a car lady?!
Was just wondering the same thing.
If she was a car lady, what kind of car would she be?
Heh, heh.
*lowers voice*
I’ll show myself out.
Wait – you people are not CAR LADIES?? What the hell are you? CAT ladies? Shit, wrong room. I’ll just show myself out as well. Wonkeye wink!!
If she were a Car Lady, she’d be a Volt, fuck you very much, GM.
You rang?
Like Julia has never fucked with her iPhone during a date.. She needs to shutup and sit down.
sad.com
cuntface.info
.tv
cunt.us
cunt.me
She’s out of control. Seriously. Just horrendous. I have no idea why she is so excited about an uncoming show that a) will fail miserably and everyone knows it and b) will portray her as the cunt that she really is. Wow, youv’e really made it. you are 5 seconds away from being portrayed as an asshole on television. Slow clap.
I can’t even begin with the cuntery surrounding men. He just wasn’t that into you, you fucking bitch. Let. It. Go. Get help. Because if anything kills boners, it’s being insane. There is no hope for you, dating wise.
Indeed. Reality TV “fame” is bottom of the barrel and fleeting. Sanjaya? Heidi and Spencer?–I can’t even remember their surnames. Miss Maligned has no hook and my huscat (who pays little attention to my Albertson interest) couldn’t “tell one broad from the other” when I forced him to sit through that boring preview. Does Donkey really believe people with genuine talent and actual careers, e.g. Mindy Kaling, give a shit about this garbage?
This is rich. For the old guard here, I find this as amusing as Paul Kinsey in a Hare Krishna temple.
I switched to Google Chrome and my avatar has changed! Is it just me or is my face looking a little saggy? It wasn’t Restylane, I swear.
You may have ground your teeth down with all that gnashing. That can lead to bulldog face, so beware!
Hare Donkey,
Hare Donkey,
Donkey Donkey,
Hare Hare.
Also obvious desperate attempt to get him to pay attention to her again. Even though he was clearly “So boring!” Yoo hoo, comedy writer with important friends! I’m still here! Remember me! Hi!!!!
These people smell her desperation a mile away. She is barking up the wrong tree. She’s about to be quasi-semi infamous for being an insufferable and delusional loon, not a Special Snowflake. Does she really not see this? Is she not watching the same previews we are? Does she really not know that she’s an average chick that stuck around NY long enough to fuck a few connected people and then was banished (and friendless) in her parents downtown Chicago (basement equivalent)? Oh god this will be so, so good. Well, for us, since we’ll be the only audience… BUT STILL!
She must have had JCW on her mind when she dropped an “Oy!” in one of her tweets yesterday. I don’t think she’s trotted out that expression since the last time she dated a Jewish boy (which may have been him). But then, I only read her tweets when they appear on RBD.
Just like she starts the white girl gang talk when she’s after a hip hop dude?
So subtle!
She oy’ed @ Andy Cohen recently.
Oh God no.
transparent Donkey is transparent.
Good god Donkey,
Let it go. You had two dates with this guy three years ago. He didn’t like you. Most people are not going to like you because you are an awful person, but that is besides the point. You look like a bitter loser when you talk about being rejected three years after the fact. Calling this guy boring just because he was not into you is juvenile and it is not going to help you get dates now. You haven’t had a serious boyfriend in years. Think about why no one wants to seriously date you and then think about your own behavior. Try to make the connection.
Exactly. She really believes she can’t get a long term man because she’s just so out there and famooooooous on the internets! She has to put it out there! Umm, no our dear heart, you are a famewhore. It’s embarrassing for them, and it should be for you. Accept that you are mediocre, please. You’re 31. You need to grow up. These delusions of grandeur are so… teenage-y.
I could be sympathetic to her if she crawled her way up to mediocre, but she doesn’t qualify as that word connotes some degree of adulting via a boring job, unfulfilling relationship, mortgage… Julie Boogers’ life MIGHT meet mediocre 19 year old standards with the abandoned lifestyle blog and cuter, dumber roomie, but as a 31 year old woman she is nothing more than pitiable.
So when we call her out on heinous things she’s done in the past, we’re angry jealous losers who should just let it go because it’s so long ago and really who cares?
When Donkey concocts a grudge for some slight, real or imagined, that happened months or years ago, she’s totally justified and just acting like any mature adult does.
Glad that’s been cleared up.
Julia, 17 hours ago: “Show me a person who enjoys derision and I’ll show you an emotionally stunted human being.”
And now this, six hours ago. Donkey. Come on. I MEAN.
I think Donkey’s jealous because this guy’s mom and agent actually call him.
Not to mention, they interrupted Donk’s endless braying about Donk.
WHO DOES THAT?
WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?
HOW DARE THEY, THOSE SHITHEADS!
Talk about a dating faux pas! I mean, really. A call from your mom… or even your agent who will get you a gig? That’s almost as bad as a date that gets trashed in the back of a limo with cameras rolling and slumping over the door handle braying: Whhhaaaasssss ahh girrrlllll gotttta doooo round here tooo getttt a kisssssss (hiccup)?
Now THAT is a bad date, IMnotsoHO.
“What’s a girl have to do to get a kiss around here?”
“Um, have a different face?”
“Be a girl and not a Donkey?”
Yes, and the phone keep interrupting her tweets.
OMG that radio interview is the greatest. Really. I can’t even describe.
ew. My god. “I have a booty call…I’m sleeping with someone. I am having sexual relations with someone.” JEsus Christ. She does normal things like have sex and thinks it makes her endlessly fascinating and desirable. I can’t!!!!
She is literally out of control in this interview. I am aghast.
The cuntitude and delusion were on full display during that interview. Isn’t it where she brayed: “I AM NOT RANDOM! I HAVE A TALK SHOW ON NBC!!”
Don’t make me listen to it again.
I’m procrastinating majorly and I cannot stop listening. She is OFF THE CHARTS INSANE in this.
She goes from “I have a booty call!” to “I make guys wait 8-11 dates! Never pay for dates EVERSSSS!” And endless braying about the jewish writer, even tho date 2 sucked. I’m gonna take a wild guess – he just wasn’t that into her.
Also? The guy is very easy on the eyes … only thing better than a funny date is a good-looking, funny date, so you know it rankled Donkey’s deflated raft-ass that he found her neither amusing nor hawt.
Oh totally. She was completely into him. She is insane and has no real idea what being into someone entails, but she clearly was in her warped way. Date 2, I am guessing, he showed zero interest in her. Hence she was “so bored” and threw him under the bus on Twatter.
Class. You have none.
Long time lurker here… this post just pushed me over the edge.
What a horrible, horrible human being. I always thought she was just inane and stupid, but this. THIS.
Cuntbitchface. Does she even know mindy kaling. It is so mind-bogglingly rude to butt into a post congratulating this guy and point out that she thinks he’s boring. Mind-boggling. Face-exploding cuntiness.
She’s pure evil. And I officially think that she will be single forever. Sad face.
She’s AT LEAST never having children of her own at this point. She’ll have to settle for being the drunk, obnoxious aunt to baby brother Britt’s kids.
I give her maybe, MAYBE a 1 in 5 chance (that’s being generous) of finding an ugly, semi-rich older schlub who will bankroll her. She will have a hideously tacky wedding (his second), a hideously unhappy marriage, maybe shit out ONE kid because everyone else is doing it/she wants to trap him, foist the kid on her nanny, and cheat on the husband with one of his employees.
The beauty of it is is that Mindy Kaling now thinks she’s an insane, nasty asshole. Nice going, Donk. Only you could come off as a Gold Star Cunt in an attempt to suck up to a celebrity.
Anyone else wondering if Mulia Mallison has just unintentionally secured herself as a character whom Mindy Kaling & Jeremy Bronson will write comedy sketches about, portraying her for the 4ever alone pathetisad social pariah that she is?
#FingersAreCrossed
They probably think that there are worthier targets out there. At least that’s what I hope they think.
these are my favorite. always fascinating what the final triggers are to push lurkers over the edge. she’s so spectacularly awful we have all had that moment and I relish others sharing in the freeing release!!!
My break was the other day when she twatted about Tyrion Lannister ( full on geek here). Just no.
Seriously. I was wondering where my line was. That was it. Now let’s see if she can push me out of anon. I can’t put it past her.
I’m titillated!
Oh I was rung too!!
Donkey
felt it necessaryTRIED to publicly humiliate him#FTFY
NO one takes Julia Allison Bauger seriously — FAIL-WHALE DONKEY FAILS AGAIN!
Seriously, Donkey, this is your life now, being so deluded as to somehow think it’s always about you, therefore insinuating yourself uninvited into other people’s convos actually makes sense to you? I guess, if your brain is forever running a loop of an imaginary romcom dating life & your primary interaction w/ ‘people’ mainly involves bought-&-paid-for Fanistans, you start to think that everyone on the internet is just a bit player waiting to be factored into the Twitterverse as it revolves around you, right Julia Allison?
Damn, woman! It’s incredibly sad that you’re such a hose beast, because now more than ever is the time when someone (you!) needs people in her life who give enough of a shit to facilitate at the bare minimum some mental therapy, if not a probable extended in-patient stint of observation. TRANSBRAYTION: It’s more than just your stanky plastic pelts that are furiously unraveling at warp-speed — GET HELP!
I think what’s happening here is that, as Jacy and others have pointed out many times before, whenever she feels on an upswing she drops her “so nice” charade and the nasty, nasty thug cunt within comes out.
One of the reasons I suspect that she keeps changing personas is because her true self is so hideous and so despicable and so instantly off-putting that “14-year-old Taylor Swift fan” is a huge improvement–at least in terms of social reward.
“Thug cunt.” I like.
And yes, you are bang on, and this is typical of narcissists. They are much more likeable when they’re defeated and in pain; they actually seem willing to explore whether there might possibly be something wrong with them that might have spurred their latest downfall. They can occasionally be contrite and remorseful in this state.
But when things are going well and they think they’re on top of the world? Their nastiness, vindictiveness, arrogance, selfishness, vanity and insanity are in full force.
The two biggest NPD-ers in my life were exactly like this.
I like it too (“Thug Cunt”) & have had “Jack-Hoofed Gangsta Thug Cunt” stuck in my mind since reading it …
You’re so right. At her core, she is a hateful, hateful person. A lot of that is self-hate that she just turns outward as a way to cope with her own self-loathing. When she’s feeling confident, that mean-spirited side of her comes out, because she doesn’t have to placate anyone (she thinks) and she can lose the facade (which i’m sure is tiring to maintain). When she needs something from someone, she plays nice and sweet to get it.
It’s textbook. She hates herself. It’s really fucking sad.
well I hate her too, so that makes two of us
I agree with the self-hate. And who can blame her given the lack of attention and affection from her parents growing up. Explains so many things like the “f-you money” comment.
good point. her _explicit_ long-term goal was to have the power to tell people to go fuck themselves. that is not an agenda for a dear heart.
You see, I disagree. I know this is said about NPDers; that they secretly hate themselves. But I think the opposite has been true of the ones I know. They secretly, and not-so-secretly, fucking ADORE themselves and their anger stems from the rest of the world not feeling the same way. It baffles them.
Agree.
Absolutely agree with you. She loves herself. The occasional self-deprecation/faux self-awareness is a lame attempt at attention and perhaps a smidgen of an attempt to be contrite. Because the ways she thinks and feels about herself is completely at odds with EVERONE’S opinion of her, and every so often it dawns on her and she feels the need to try to make sense of it.
I’ve watched her antics for too long. She is completely in love with and obsessed with herself. She thinks she deserves to be a star by now.
And then, as soon as she guilts those around her into feeling sorry for her/playing nice again after she fucks up, she goes for the jugular. Every time.
Yes. Her remorse and contrition are just an act. The real JA is the asshole we see when she’s feeling on top of the world and believes she’s finally being rewarded for her awesomeness.
Acts of contrition are not an actual acceptance of flaws; they are another way for the narcissist to congratulate him/herself on their awesome efforts to grow as a human being. They think it makes them self-aware and deep. They applaud themselves for taking a ‘long, hard’ look at themselves, and vowing to make repairs.
Then they pat themselves on the back for their ‘break-through’ and the moment is passed, with them feeling better and stronger for thinking they looked their demons in the face. They can happily go right back into the same bullshit.
Her ‘deep thoughts’ tweets are all about this.
Exactly!
OMG totes Mcakez. It reminds me of all those teary trips to the Ashram. Yet nothing ever changes.
Thug cunt 4eva.
I had a really good friend tell me once, that only the truly weird don’t get over what happened in high school.
Julia, that’s some assvice. Get over it.
(Ironically, this was a high school friend who later became a boyfriend then disappeared off the face of the planet (possibly Arizona). He turned out to be an asshole grifter of epic porportions but I thought that was an insightful thing to say at the time. We were 20; this hosebeast is 31.).
You rang ?
Do you know what some guys do shortly into a second date that they know isn’t going well? Act aloof and disinterested. It’s a signal that THEY aren’t interested in YOU, Julia.
It’s a “shit, was I ever drunk when I met this crazy bitch, what was I thinking seeing her again?” moment. You know, after about 10 minutes into your “second date” which I bet was the first time they actually met sober (just guessing Julia would have met this guy at a party or event she scammed into, he’s drunk, they exchange numbers and she would consider that the “first date”).
But of course, HE was the boring one. Yup, the lead comedy writer… boring. The person who actually has a real agent, he’s the sad one worthy of public ridicule. The one who has a real job/career in the entertainment industry. You know, the guy who writes jokes and isn’t a living one.
What an asshole she is. I mean really. It’s been years and she butts in like this? She is seriously getting even more bat-shit crazy as she get older.
The lead writer for the funniest frickin’ guy on TV, no less.
Jimmy Fallon is to comedy what Jimmy Carter is to comedy.
How did she stumble upon this conversation in the Twitterverse?
Apparently, she hasn’t talked to this guy in years, nor would I suspect he would reach out after prior emasculating tongue lashings. (I still can’t figure out wtf MK and JBron are talking about and Julia’s out of context comments are very SWF ; i.e. JBron “I am wearing a suit” MK “Congrats!”, JAB “You fucking suck and you’re a horrible date”, WTF?)
When I read the conversation I imagine her sitting alone, in a dark room, obsessively reading through tweets, scheme juices boiling, mouthing “all work and no play make’s julia a pissed off pink princess”. Chick scares me sometimes.
She follows Mindy Kaling.
I follow Stephen Fry, but I don’t labor under the delusion that he gives a rat’s ass if I went on two dates with someone he works with, because WHO DOES THAT?
OMG that photo. So hilarious and terrifying and … well … Donkey. Where did it come from?
I saw it thechive.com a while ago (which probably means its off of reddit) and when I saw it reminded me of JAB. Googled condoms on walls and I got lucky.
*on
From the inside of her demented mind. Don’t go in there.
It’s a safe bet that for every name on Stalker Donkey’s excel spreadlegssheet, there is a Google Alert to match.
<3
Cannot. Stop. Laughing.
I can totally hear Inspector Clouseau saying, “Pik-a-boo.”
I love this photo SO HARD.
I want CuntBunnies! to work her magic on it.
Will this do for now?
genius.
maybe add a discreet/discrete (hai MMBH!) “YOO-HOO!”
I considered “SOON.”
LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!
So many good captions.
“I honestly don’t care if you are married!”
“I’ve watched you pee in secret!”
“BRB! DYNAMITE!”
“Love, love will tear us apart, again..”
“Psssss…. Wanna see a donkey show?
How did you get this picture of me?
“Donkey, stalking ALL THE BOY(d)S”
Given that it’s a bird, the judges would also accept ” Twitter stalking.”
Ohhhh! Much better.
If only a nice mod would go in there & amend it to: ‘ … Twitter-Stalking …’
Sometimes I think this site is mean, and the I see/read stuff like this, and am again reminded how awful and dysfunctional a human being Julia is.
Two measly dates. And it sounds like the guy probably prearranged an incoming call on date two so he could make a quick getaway.
So brief, their time together at the table they shared, until his career rudely interrupted. (Hmm. Sounds kinda familiar.)
So brief, yet she will stalk him for life, particularly if there is any reflected glory for her to stake a claim on.
A marked man.
I shudder on his behalf.
(And am running perilously low on canklehausen ointment regarding madam JABa.)
Twitter conversations are so bloody ugly I can barely follow them. Is it JB himself who said, “Mean!”? Why IS she so mean? Why on earth would she tweet that not only to two strangers but to the man she’s insulting??
Julia, you are banned from the playground and from the end-of-the-year skating party. You may collect your smelly pink belongings from your cubby and ride your bike home in the rain. If, in the future, we have anything to say to you we will rattle your cage.
Sorry, I screwed up when cutting and pasting. Yes, it’s JB saying “mean!” I am not sure whether he’s saying she’s mean, or sarcastically suggesting he was mean. In any event, I wish he’d just told her to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION.
Too bad he remembered who she is. I would have loved simple “And you are…?” if there had to be a response at all.
He should have ignored her but I am sure he was freaking out that his two bosses – the creator/star and show runner were seeing these demented tweets and he thought he’d take the bite out of them by LOLing along.
Problem is she is probably going to take that as a cue to keep going.
Don’t be too worried… he was on the Harvard Lampoon with the show runner and has been buds with Mindy for a while. I’m sure they’re all either having a good laugh at donk’s expense or (more likely) giving 0 fucks about it.
That makes me feel better. That said, a Donkey did not know this info.
When you start on a show – more experienced people are always looking for that ONE thing to rag on you about and it can suck that that shit gets glued to your name when you are trying to make a name for yourself.
I don’t know if it’s worth your while, but there’s supposed to be a way to embed Twitter posts into html. Click on “Details” under the Tweet, which will take you to a new page w/just that tweet. Click on “Embed this Tweet” and take it from there.
I’m going to try it below. Forgive me if it goes astray!
Meh, that doesn’t really look much better. ss;sf
Thanks for trying, though!
WOW! Servicey! I hate doing it the way I was doing it and never even noticed that. Thanks!
What was her flip comment when she was confronted after outing [Redacted's] as being bipolar on a Gawker live blog in 2008? Something about who even remembers that was so long ago?? Grudge term limits apply to everyone but our expired special snowflake.
tee hee hee! I LOVE “thug cunt” Julia and wish she would ~own~ this persona because it’s her most true.
If she owned it, she would have a hit show on Bravo and not be shoved to no man’s land summer time slot with barely any promotion.
I friggin love that chattering raccoon bitchface.
him real cute
This post should be mandatory reading for any guy who even remotely considers schtupping JAB and why you should never the Donkey.
El Burro is herpes personified. She never, ever goes away and you have years and years of flare ups to look forward to.
And there’s no social Valtrex to help you out either
Someone put it perfectly when they said, “He wishes he had pre-Googled instead of post-Googled.”
Comment of the century. Yes, I am about to stereotype men, but I’m guessing they Google her and get an AMAZEBALLS boner at seeing her looking like a rent-a-hooker in some of her Gawker day photos and they never research beyond that.
I have always suspected this myself.
I feel like that screen name should be reserved for the actual person, whom we know will arrive here at some point. Not unlike [Redacted's] Mom.
I am sure some of us also live in cars, but I assume you meant cat ladies
I LAUGHED!!!!
I didn’t meant to cast any aspersions. I agree it was a very clever name. I was probably just reacting out of disappointment that it wasn’t actually her. You know she’s headed our way.
Side note, its cat people. Please. Some respect for us cat gentleman.
There are certainly a lot of boys (boyz, Julia, if you will, as it were) here. That in and of itself must burn Julia Allison. A boy doesn’t like her! Oh MY!
I read your comment & now all I can think is:
Men II Boyz Post-Google Julia Allison
“no social valtrex” – love this. somebody grab it as a username.
I met up with an OMG tech founder this week, and in the course of discussing the looming clusterfuck that is brands pinning their fortunes on so-called “influencers,” I had to bring up Donkey.
OMG Tech Founder: I haven’t even heard Julia Allison’s name mentioned by anyone in New York in at least two years.
Me: She has a reality show on Bravo airing next month.
OMG Tech Founder [laughing]: That’s what a lunatic like her deserves.
Yes, this OMG Tech Founder is a NY founder who is friends with [REDACTED] #2, Karp, and all the other OMG tech founders she tried to fuck on. She’s too irrelevant now to even be a topic of derisory conversation for them.
Why isn’t it even a topic of derisory conversation!?!? Maybe it’s biology…
Hey A Donkey, “show me a person who interjects into a conversation (on Twatter no less) that doesn’t involve them and I’ll show you an emotionally stunted human donkey.”
Do us all a favor and fuck off. You’re not the special little snowflake flower princess charming socialite you think you are. You’re A Donkey.
I think it’s a great credit to this individual that Donkey hated him so much on date #2. Most likely, he was way too smart and un-shallow for her. LOL BOOOOOORRRING!!!
With the degree of cuntitudinousness that Donkey is displaying, will her next tweet at this guy be “u mad?”
I was re-reading the Mediabistro article last night, the article Prof FC aptly labeled the Old Testament of Donkology, and in it, Donkey was maundering on about how she’s SO NICE! and how “people call me a lot of things, but you won’t find anyone who says I’m mean.” After seeing her behavior today, I just can’t.
plus Mr. Jewish Comedian flat-out calls her mean. Just. Like. That.
How can you call Miss Julia a cunt? This guy is such a bully! Being friends and coworkers with people like Mindy Kaling is Miss Julia’s god-given birthright, and this weirdo is STEALING HER. He’s stealing Mindy! Totally not amazeballz.
Wow, Donk is up early this morning. Thanking some nobody social media expert for shilling her show at 9am.
She’d be up at least 3 hours later if she weren’t on EDT for the moment.
Ah, I remember this picture of her. She looks so… burly.
She reminds me of an Eastern European dockworker.
She could have been in season 2 of The Wire as a broken-down hooker who comes onto Ziggy.
She looks like an #ad for #Bravo TV’s #REAL DONKEYS OF TIJUANA
The real donkeys of Tijuana find this comment very objectionable.
Christ. What. An. Asshole.
She so looks like a see you next Tuesday in this photo. Good choice!
I love the fact that she expected to look sooo good that came to the salon in formalwear, ready for her close up.
Kissy Face to Crickets, you have been rung, yo!
I changed my name, but you’re right! LOL
Isn’t she wearing a mic? Was this a video’d pelts shill?
Oh yes, you’re right!
She really does. A smug see you next Tuesday, yet physically looking lumpen and in need of an upper lip wax, so no reason at all to be looking so smug.
She’s trying SO HARD to look sultry here. Remember how she complained about the red dye later in the evening when she was trying to interview the basketball players? Remember the Jordanesque rumpers and the side braids and the red eyebrows of fury that followed? Oh, good times!
I’m having some major misspellings today. Rompers. ROMPERS.
That was a misspelling? I thought it was a particularly vivid renaming of that felony against fashion she perpetrated on our eyeballs.
That black thing she wore in the “taking-a-dump-in-the-corner” photos? Also a rumper.
Julia Allison, AKA “Rumper Dumper”
That’s her sequel album to “Pelter Skelter”
No-toilet Julia!
Love seeing Donkey interview athletes because she looks SO square (in at least two senses) and stodgy next to them. The Thierry Henry interview makes me laff and laff.
I seem to recall that those are harem pants that she’s wearing. Like, a polyester H&M semi-formal harem-panted jumpsuit. I hate that I’m having trouble remembering French verbs and yet have this image imprinted on my brain.
Ah, I miss those halcyon days of terrible fashion choices. Sleeveless Aqua dresses paired with black tights and desperately flexed upper arms.
“Desperately Flexed Upper Arms” would be a great user name!
Hammertime! Nevah forget!
http://rebloggingdonk.com/2011/07/20/several-outfits-donkeys-style-icon-would-never-be-caught-dead-in/hammertime/
You ladies inspired me to take a trip down memory lane.
http://rebloggingdonk.com/2012/02/16/vote-in-our-exciting-poll-what-was-donkeys-worst-ever-fashion-week-outfit/
God we’ve had some fun haven’t we?
Even though I wrote it myself, I laughed at this title when I reread it: Pretty Pink Pianist With Visible Mental Problem
Oh my God Jacy, I was just coming here to say that you hit it out of the park with that particular line. And that picture… LOL. She must have been going after JellyD with the “music” theme, I’m guessing.
I LOVE MYSELF!!!
P.S. That was totally when she was trying to impress JellyD. So subtle!
Julia twatted:
@Bravotv - get ready to meet@lillydog, BRAVO’s new star pup!
So it’s come to this?
Yeah, we gave it some side eye here:
http://rebloggingdonk.com/2012/05/22/oh-god-the-cankleshausen/#comment-359046
SS, SF.
Not at all, just bringing you into that particular loop.
Ahhhhh how do you know that about Greg Gutfeld? Laughing all day forever. I kind of adore Greg Gutfeld.
Our tipsters come from near and far.
You are so coy and dear to my heart.
If you ever run into GG, ask him about Donkey. He won’t hesitate to tell you what a winner she is.
GG does a good mix of comedy and news and RedEye is underrated. Still best watched when drunk or high, though. I think he takes a little heat for being on Fox, but if you watch the show it’s far from the usual Fox stuff.
He was on Louie!
21 days.
*facepalm*
26 days
If anyone is bored of a Donkey and wants a good laugh, take a gander at some of Annie Lalla’s FB status updates. This one was special:
”Kissing you is what a star must feel like when it’s born” — E.P
That’s right, Donkey, I AM DERIDING.
Looking at anything from Annie Lalla is an excellent time-waster because it makes me first vom in shower, then clean shower so I can clean myself over and over.
Annie Lalla looks DISEASED to me, as though she just crawled out of an old school bordello. An eager contestant on SNL’s Syphilitic French Whore? Would this post be considered De-Risive? De-lightful? De-lovely?
“My whore is definitely dead.”
Especially if she’s quoting Anais Nin on FB. Annie’s page is indeed nearly as thigh slapping as RBD.
“I should start by introducing myself, but who am I? I could present statistical details, attach my resume, recount my past or expound my philosophies. But this may not reveal my essence … I try to think in warm orange and bright blues. I’m enamored with iridescence; sparkly things excite me.” Of course.
So she likes rainbows and colors (bright)?
She’s a fan of the Miami Dolphins?
Jesus. Christ.
I love that Bravo or Andy have yet to retweet or respond to anything this moron has twittered. #puffyfacedredpeltedstepchild
Don’t think I’ve seen #1 on RBD yet, so here are four reasons Julia Allison, bepelted inspiration for the phrase “by cheek or by jowl” (thanks to both her face and behavior), won’t get Andy’s attention:
1. It’s super awkward and guilt-inducing for non-Donkeys to play nice with people whom they’re about to hatefuck in the ass. Mr Cohen is about to destroy Donkey on national television.
2. He just doesn’t like her.
3. He’s too busy & important to chat up lowly farm animals.
4. He won’t touch her with a ten foot pole because he knows she ends up fucking over all her associates in the end.
I’m going with #3. And I think he follows the standard of being gracious when grace is warranted, not the Julia Allison “I’m so nice, buy me a MacBook Air you promitheds!” “Cut this! Accommodate my sleep schedule! I’m a star, I’m a star, I’m a big, bright shining star” school of thought.
No Bravolebrities have congratulated her on The Coming Premiere! No one she met over sips at the book signing were OMG fawning over xoJulia on Twitter? Was she eclipsed by Toilet Julia and her portable Casio?
Unless her harridan antics incur numbers and comments on Bravo I doubt any FU money will come of it–this is why she is pushing this intern-driven webshitshow with Toilet Julia (please, may we have musical interludes?)
Every web-based show without talent is about as interesting as me and my best friend sitting at the kitchen counter in 9th grade videotaping ourselves parodying morning announcements thinking we were funny.biz.
Speaking of Toilet Julia… why radio silence on Miss Advised? She’s hinted on her Facebook about how she can’t wait to tell her fans about her secret project and now she hasn’t mentioned it, linked it or Twittered about it.
She’s obviously believes this will be her Amazeballs breaks and has hitched herself to Donkey’s feedbag – she’s Tweeting about getting an intern – why not the show?
Maybe she got zero air time?
Now she has over 55k twitter followers. Like she doesn’t pay for the followers, playa please.
I don’t know what I find more off, that she replied to a celebrity like she’s friendly with her or bad mouthed the dude for taking a call on a date. Granted I haven’t dated over 5+ years since I met my husband, I doubt I would give a shit if my date took a call as long as it wasn’t more than an extended amount of time. The fact that it bothers her and more so that she tweets about it proves how little class she has (though we’ve been well aware she has no class / manners)
Wish we could do a Twitter Follower count-up clock somehow.
There’s a very similar sitch w/ another *cough cough* ‘columnist’ named “Sarah Phillips” — here’s a link to the Deadspin article exposing her fraud & then there are other links to more of her shady deals (haven’t finished reading ‘em yet).
EXCERPTS OF SIMILARITIES:
‘When she’s not writing for these media outlets, she’s entering into shady “business” deals …’
‘But here’s a little secret: the vast majority of these followers were bought by Phillips …’
‘… her followers started to climb [...] Then the follower count grew fast. Really fast. Unnaturally fast [...] We analyzed her followers and found an enormous percentage of her followers are paid-for spam accounts.’
Keep on keepin’ on, Donkey, keep telling yourself that no one’s the wiser.
Just watched the premiere of the big Bravo summer commercial and no sign of Jaba! Where could she be?
Really, did they promo Miss Advised at all???
I didn’t see any of them in the commercial.
I thought I saw a quick flash of the Emily person, but it could’ve been some other brunette.
I have been home all day sick with Bravo on, none of them are in the summer promo.
Coming here to share the lulz with all the cat- (car-) people: here’s a newish twitter convo between Julia and a hater:
Leah Berry @LeahBerry5
@JuliaAllison Are you as fickle with your men as you are with your cities? Honestly can’t keep up with your constant changes.
Julia Allison @JuliaAllison
@LeahBerry5 – LOL, yes!! I have commitment (and other) issues.
Leah Berry @LeahBerry5
@JuliaAllison And yet you say you really want to get married. Talk about mixed signals. Might want to stop dating and get that sorted.
Julia Allison @JuliaAllison
@LeahBerry5 – yeah, that’s pretty much what the first season of my @Bravotv show Miss Advised covers.
I just need to point out two things: *my* @Bravotv show and, even better, *first season*. “First season”. Wonderful.
It is to laugh.
Yeah, love that she added “first season”. She’s so fucking smug at the moment. No way is this steaming turd of a show getting a second season. Reminds me of when she brayed that she had “a talk show on NBC!!” when her show was shown in the back of cabs…
AS IF (is if?) you can condense 31 years of cray and narcissism into 8 (13?) episodes. the fact that she even segments her life into “seasons” of a reality television show makes the mind baughle. she actually thinks there will be a second season! spoiler alert: miss advised (the one and only season) will be in reruns for a LONG time (PSST, julia, if you didn’t get the hint, it means you will be MENTAL and have ISSUES for a LONG time. keep fucking that chicken!)
She took this one down:
Julia Allison @JuliaAllison
@LeahBerry5 – LOL, yes!! I have commitment (and other) issues.
I love how she keeps @ing BravoTv and getting ignored. She is the dumbs.
Sorry, I see where she says that now… SSSF
I love reading her Twitter feed – as if her 50,000 fans are not bought for $12.99 per thousand and speak her language – she really thinks she’s speaking to thousands of adoring fans, LOL.
DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND:
MARRY ME!!!!!!!!111111
First season LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL.
Oh dear. She’s really smoking crack again.
Also commitment issues my ass. Bitch? They all run away shrieking. Your only commitment issue is you are desperate for one, always, and it NEVER EVER EVER happens for you.
If Average Joe could pull four season out of its ass, then it’s not entirely inconceivable that Bravo could somehow make Miss Advised Assvice a more than one+ season show, but if that were the case, I really don’t foresee it having any of the same people or donkeys as repeat players in another season.
I’m of the opinion that the only way Bravo would gain any traction w/ this premise is if they somehow turn it into a show that other despertardos vie to be on, a la The Bachelor(ette), but we already know before it airs that 4EverAlone Donkey fails miserably at hooking up, so unless Emily Morse & Amy Laurent ‘find true love’, how is Bravo (or should I be saying “Blondie Girl Productions’?) going to generate any long-term interest & followers?
LOL, mybad! While I wrote Average Joe it was that one-season / six episode show Joe Millionaire that I was actually thinking of.
RE: The Next Joe Millionaire (which featured a new character): FOX’s entertainment chair Sandy Grushow said, “Our instincts told us from the very beginning that ‘Joe Millionaire’ was a one-time stunt and I think we got greedy.” He added, “We tried to sneak it by the American public a second time and we got called on it.”
Get over yourself & your ‘The first season of my reality show’, Donkey — it’s over before it started.
Holy hell! I caught a few segments of the Mrs. Eastwood shitshow last night (don’t ask) and it was so boring and not stuff. Maybe this is the future of reality tv and miss advisied will have a 10 seasonn run! Bored people like me sitting on the couch watching bored crazy people trying to present their lives the way they want you to perceive them, despite all obvious indications to the contrary.
Will Julia have the last laugh?
meanwhile, she looks skinny and overdressed in a new photo (http://t.co/xGk1PSdy) (while everyone else is dressed totally casually playing ping pong in the background), seems surprised that her college girlfriends have insight into finance matters (teehee math is hard!) and have actual careers, and is pimping a dollhouse-building project as “good for girls”. how can someone be so stunted? must be all the karma from derision.
This is one of those weird things where I think her outfit is actually cute…and then the context totally kills it. I remember the creepy torturer in Raiders of the Lost Ark: “You Americans are all alike. Always overdressing for the wrong occasions.”
Is she wearing a nude hose? Because of so, hilarious! Kate, you have been rung.
This was a clear excuse to name drop a buncha labels. Also please for the love of god tell me she is not starting to do “head to toes” again.
Glad she can afford a $1000+ outfit on her salary. #rage
LOL she made this her FB profile pic, of course she did. 45 likes so far:
érémy Gerard
Nouméa, New Caledonia
Alfred Hoxha
Works at Nje koperativist
Adrienne Albregts
Austin, Texas
Aziz Batmaz
Dimitri Franco
Colegio San Antonio
Michael Haley
Co Owner at Jam All Districts Entertainment
Rino Bigfruit
Song Un
Prep Manager at Austranlian Laboratory Services Cambodia
Kris Carlin
Ashford University
Nadia Rabbaa
Buğra Canli
Vokal at REBORN
Oussema Ferjani
BaBaSa
Corrado Savini
Politecnico di Milano
Samitha Fernando
Martina Siladi
Učiteljski fakultet
Fuad Ahmed
Ali Alfadl
San Francisco, California
Wengky Vj
Mahesh Chamara
Works at Air max travels
Docteur Djafoura Nasser
Toulouse University
Alex Peñá Ð
Works at En ningun lado
Vuqor Aliyev
IMC FH Krems
藍空
崑山科技大學
Lina Regjepi
Rabi Aftab
Saif Didin
UNIVERSITY KEBANGSAAN MALAYSIA
Herizky Ferraldy
Hassenswinmen Liberte
Agent de voyages at Agent Provocateur
Siva Kumar
Works at Singapore
Sevag Sarkissian
Los Angeles, California
Aymen RouaiNia
INESM (Badji Mokhtar) & informatique Sidi Amar
Taliz Chriznataliz
STIK IJ PALU
Sheraz Malik
Co-founder at TauMobility – Smart Innovations
Robert McLeod
Stanley Senior School
Stefan Steiner
Software Design Engineer at Microsoft
Navid Voghufi
Luka Vollmer
Rony Seran
Metrologist at DINAS PERINDUSTRIAN DAN PERDAGANGAN
Sultan Mahmud
ULAB
Michael Golebiowski
New Jersey City University
Ernesto Gonzalez
Josip Bećar Šimunović
SŠ Marka Marulića
Shelton Bumgarner
Works at Freelance Photographer and Writer
Awaluddin Grogot
Shanaka Gayan Samarawickrama
Rino Bigfruit <—- LOL
JINX!
RINO BIGFRUIT is a very large Italian and he SHARED THE PIC ON HIS WALL.
Ok, Rino Bigfruit is obviously such a bot, but I LOVE HIM ANYWAY. Through him, I just learned that the Italian phrase for self-employed is “lavoratore autonomo” (which at first glance I assumed was an automobile factory), so he has ALREADY MADE AN IMPACT ON MY LIFE. I am buying a ticket on Alitalia right now to go to the Taverna Dei Briganti in Subbiano Arezzo to become Signora Bigfruit. Ciao, bitches.
LOLLLL
I’m changing my name to Rino Bigfruit.
It’s a pretty awesome name, alright
I tried to google an apt gravatar for ya, (yes, I’m 12, but pls god, don’t ever let anyone see my ‘rhino nads images’ search hx) & got sidetracked by this:
& two days later, she’s rockin’ the same (no doubt stanky by now) dots?
Julia Allison @JuliaAllison
I met up with @Brit (in from SF), in NY tonight. We were both rockin’ the dots. @ Ace Hotel Lobby & Bar http://instagr.am/p/K6lxHTiVec/
21 May 2012
Gross Donkey is gross. Also, anyone surprised that Donkey née Julia Allison isn’t listed as a backer on the “Roominate; Make It Yours” Kickstarter?
An OT question.
If you didn’t know who this was – would you argue that she was unattractive?
I ask because Julia resembles in this photo -to an uncanny degree – a woman who I have always thought was dynamite sexy, in part because of her persona (which Julia lacks) but also because I think she is genuinely attractive. If someone had told me the photo was of this other woman I would probably accept it at face value. To clarify, the woman I reference is a rock/blues/roadhouse/jazz musician.
To clarify, I mean the photo in the OP; and to further clarify, my acquaintance is extremely conversational while performing and totally engaged with her audience. She also has a very camp sensibility that she integrates into the concert experience.
To me, she really looks like a man wearing a wig here. I’ve never thought she was ugly, but this look is horrid. Maybe if she weren’t making such a smug face?
I agree. Lady looks like a dude.
She is a good looking woman. I find her completely unattractive, but I also think her looks rate above average.
It’s 3:00am in NY… I’ll just leave this here:
Julia Allison @JuliaAllison 10m
I would subscribe to a newsfeed that explained in detail how all the “hot events” I wasn’t invited to were actually super lame. FOMO solved.
Julia Allison @JuliaAllison 10m
FOMO = Fear Of Missing Out
Look up from that iPhone for ten minutes, you won’t miss out on so much.
Speaking of FOMO, Jelly has been in NYC the last few days according to his twitter (so Julia knows, too). Aubs tweeted she was looking forward to partying with him. Is someone…not invited?
You beat me to it Malf, but wait… there’s more! TL;DR alert, scroll down for cliff’s notes.
Thanks to Manta’s awesome La_Donk bot, we know that:
- “donk, yo!”s tweet about her smart gurlfranzias originally said “go go, girlfriend!” One two many sips or sausage snappers on an OMGiphone? #sony #ad. Since every tweet prior was within minutes of the last, we can tell that she was really paying rapt attention to the conversation rather than having her eyes glued to her iphone (rbd in one browser tab, obv) and simply grabbing the bits and pieces that would make her look SMURT, to show the world she DOES have friends! For over a decade! OLD ones! Not preemptive at all, just very stuff. And yet, despite having only used their first names, we know far more about each and every one of them than any stranger should. #danishmary #loudcouchthex #pinkminitubedresstohike
- She didn’t like the first photo she attached to her tweet about “interviewing” (lol) at TC Disrupt, so she scrapped it and reposted the tweet with a new one. Then for some reason she didn’t want anyone to know that photo was taken AFTER her “interviewing”. Maybe she was trying to imply she was actively doing coverage for some outlet rather than the typical #nbcmicflag polka with that poor cameraman she always drags around to Fashion Week?
- She reposted her “outfit” tweet three times… once to add a photo, another to make sure #freshwater “pearls” wasn’t missing from the tweet.
- She makes up a story about NGM that we – despite having followed her antics for long enough – have oddly NEVER heard before even though it’s exactly the kind of girly, princess-y, twee thing she’d trot out every time she had the opportunity, had she only thought it up sooner. Purpose being, of course, to latch on to a kickstarter project she’d probably read about elsewhere meant to encourage STEM for ALL THE GIRLS (and make it about herself, and bring up NGM yet again). But, huh? Math is hard and MIT Physics Ph.D’s are so BORING! Like Jewish comedy writers who have no idea what’s TRULY funny.
Then of course there’s her whining about being a loser as if this is somehow news to her. Why is she worried about parties she isn’t invited to (aww, no Bravo lurve?) when she just had an amazing dinner with her thuper thmart girlfriendzzz of decade? I haz a confuse!
-
TL;DR version:
12:13AM TC disrupt “post interviewing” take 1
12:15AM Very proud of the outfit I wore!
12:16AM “wearing 8 straight months of my LA uniform”(lolwut)
12:17AM “wearing” disappears, and “lazy” gets tacked on (self-awareness? LOL JK. Also, was she really wearing that uniform all through filming and the fauxtos she kept taking during, because it certainly doesn’t appear to be the case)
12:18AM Very proud of the outfit I wore! #2, but donkey forgot two very important things…
12:18AM the mention of #freshwater pearls! and photo proof.
12:20AM TC disrupt take 2, new photo
12:31AM TC disrupt take 3, same photo! but the word “post” mysteriously disappears
2:07AM Donkey invents a memory: designing mini dollhouses with NGMB, a tale never mentioned once before
Mania thy name is donk.
fucking hell.
*slow clap*
Ugh, Bravo shows the commercial for this shit show every break. I am trying to enjoy all my other Bravo shit shows and then the braying starts up. And I never paid attention to the other two women but wow they are just as loud and obnoxious as the donkey. Loud, tacky cows. All three. And, end rant. Have a nice day.
So the photo of her in the polka dot shorts? It’s posted three times on her facebook. Once as her profile shot, once in her feed (because she made it her profile, I guess), and once with this caption:
“So … I finally went to Techcrunch Disrupt.
And this is what I wore!
Helpful Tip: If you want to make sure you don’t have one of those awkward “Oh, sorry … wait, are we wearing THE EXACT SAME OUTFIT?!” moments at a tech conference, just wear Marc Jacobs polka dot shorts. And pearls.
(Where’s Brit Morin when I need her?!)”
She thinks she looks fantastic. I like the shirt and I think the shorts could be cute? On someone else? Not my thing. As usual, hate the super high stilettos and the pearls. And that red hair is awful. I thought she was allowed to dye it back? Maybe not until after the show premiers.
OH WAIT…there’s yet another photo in that outfit of her holding an Intel notebook. Is this her $100,000 deal? LOL
“With my new Intel UltraBook at Techcrunch Disrupt — with Stephanie Luu in New York.”
I KNOWWWW. SHE POSTS PICS OF HERSELF IN THE SAME OUTFIT THREE FUCKING TIMES ON HER FB. SHE IS A LUNATIC. WHY AM I YELLING.
Also LOL! She’s such a card! She has the GALL to wear POLKA DOT SHORTS (MARC JACOBS!!!) at a TECH CONFERENCE! Sigh. What a fashion icon. What a cute, quirky, geeky beauty.
Shut the fuck up asshole.
Did you see what Brit was wearing the other day, gave me fucking vertigo.