UPDATED: “I Can Start To Reek of Desperation”

Honey, you didn’t start. You never stopped.

Julia Allison, who would love for you to attend her grandmother’s memorial service, Twitter hashtag #MourningMarilyn, should be thrilled because this “Miss Advised” thing is actually happening! The entire world will see her for the Honky Donkey she really is, and it won’t be because of the haters!

Some advice, dear. The end goal is not a husband. The end goal is finding an equitable and healthy relationship. Men are not characters in your insane melodrama, and that man you hope to someday meet will never come unless you really think about what you can offer in a relationship. And, no, a copious amount of magazine subscriptions doesn’t count.

UPDATE: After a few brief seconds of thought, I think I can say that this show will be a great disappointment for us basement dwelling fatties. I know it will be great to see the cray on national television, but this show and its premise is so contrived that I don’t think it will be worth it. It will pale in comparison to the daily dose of unedited cray we get online.

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485 Responses to UPDATED: “I Can Start To Reek of Desperation”

  1. juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

    This show looks so boring.

    • JFA says:

      Agreed. So. Boring. No one will watch. Sadsies.

    • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

      I’ll follow it here, with your great commentary.

      • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

        But it’s just like Sex in the City…she’s Carrie Bradshaw, don’t you get it?

        • 11th Wang says:

          She’s Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha, and theeriouth bithneth lady Miranda all wrapped up into one. With a little sprinkle of Jess Day on top!

  2. Worrisome Pelts says:

    That ass has klass.

  3. Ok, so sue me, but Ima double post this short bus pic
    [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/ev8bbs.png[/img]

  4. Dr. Gary says:

    Wow. It looks awful. And boring. Major NoOneCurr.

    Except us. Because watching Julie in all her douchetastic glory will be awesome.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      I don’t know if I can muster an hour a week to watch this bullshit for you fatties. This looks worse than the A-List.

      • Can-Swiss says:

        It’s an hour? Jesus, I thought it was going to be 24 mins. This show is going to bomb.

      • JuliasTooSmallTutu says:

        If you fast forward to her segments, you can probably get through an episode in 20 minutes. That’s what I plan to do.

  5. miss cankles says:

    this looks terrible.

    and i will watch every minute.

    (also, nice fake cry jules)

  6. Donkeycam Now! says:

    The braying and the howling is just too much.

    My canklehausen is totally out of control.

  7. Princess WideStance says:

    That awful honking laugh. Dear god.

  8. Exhausted Drag Hag says:

    Oh lord, I think that’s Andrew on the “prom” date.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      Andrew? You mean Jelly D? Funny he is not interested anymore now that the taping is done. I really think it’s funny that it appears Julia genuinely thought she would find her husband by being on this show.

      What a loon.

      • Exhausted Drag Hag says:

        Yep, I always presumed that he agreed to be on the show, never that he was interested. And that she knew it but still tweeted/whatever to make it look like more than it was.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Well, this is all going to do wonders for his career. As a rapping donut. Or as an ad agency guy. Whichever.

          HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  9. miss assvice says:

    SAVE LILLY!!!!!!

    This fucking loon. With the way she drives that dog will be injured as soon as she slams her brakes.

    Rolling deep with my furry friend … And her “carseat.”
    [img]http://t.co/q4IOzWKj[/img]

    • miss assvice says:

      [img]http://lockerz.com/s/209234433[/img]

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      Why is she repeatedly on her white girl gang sign nonsense with the “rolling deep” and “gangsta” lately? DeStorm must be backing towards the exits at a rapid pace.

      • A Donkey is a Ass says:

        So fucking much this. I hate that shit. You’re 31. Stop trying to be “hip” or “cool” or whatever the fuck you think that is. Just. Stop.

        Also, notice how she made sure to get the Mercedes emblem in the frame.

        Obvious A Donkey is obvious.

    • diluted brain says:

      I thought the same thing. This is NOT normal!!!! And whoever replied to her tweet was dead on with her showing off that she drives a mercedes — though anyone could really afford the C class.

  10. What does the guy say, there at the end:
    “So, does this mean we’ll see each other again?”

    And Desperate Donkey brays:
    “YES!” until she remembers to play coy “I mean, uh, maybe.”

    I wonder how many times he’s changed ph #’s since then …

  11. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    I can’t pause the video with precision, but did I glimpse a facial injection scene there?

    She never drinks, except in multiple scenes captured for TV cameras.

  12. miss assvice says:

    http://www.bravotv.com/miss-advised/season-1/videos/those-who-cant-do-advise

    38 seconds in and the Donkey is drunk off her ass. So much for those little sips.

    Also no kidding she reeks of desperation. Asking a guy if he is ready to get married in a non serious relationship. Why fuck? She is insane.

  13. Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

    Seriously looks like the most depressing thing ever.

  14. Worrisome Pelts says:

    Wow. This video is worse than anything I pictured.

    Julia, when you show disrespect for someone’s job by refusing to behave with even a modicum of professionalism, they feel no obligation to present you in a flattering light. When you abuse everyone you think is beneath you, karma is waiting to bite you in the ass. What the HELL did you do to deserve this? Seriously, even the wost things I heard about your behavior don’t account for that video. Your parents must be So. Proud.

  15. 1] Donkey is maniacally over the top, but that’s to be expected.
    2] Emily Morse mostly sounds like a caustic little bitch.
    3] Amy Laurent? Eh, I think I may be rooting for her cuz see 1 & 2

    • AFGHANI says:

      I would’ve thought Emily was the voice of reason out of these 3, but after seeing her failed pilot from 2 yrs ago, it really seems like she has a long, long list of issues and her fixation on sex is compensating for something else. She seemed really uptight and un-sexy for a “sex expert”.

  16. LEFOOLIEH says:

    This is weird… Lewis seems to clearly be “dating” Amy in a few scenes, but it also looks like he’s with donkey in others, and is he not the guy she says “maybe” to at the end of the clip? lolwut. Also – donkey braying throughout the entire clip, but particularly LOUDLY whenever she’s with jelly d. The scene where she’s on a double date with him + Toilet Julia and her date should be particularly lulzy since it’s already clear he was creeped out by the prom date/wedding nudge mess. That must have been what the “caravan of shame” or whatever she said back then was all about.

    • Cankles says:

      Lewis is also the one that tweeted about donkey making out with scoble in the lobby of a hotel at sxsw.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Really?

        • miss assvice says:

          yes, really. I keep trying to find the tweet but loren feldman took his down and lewis’s timeline does not seem to go back that far.
          Loren says:
          March 8, 2011 at 7:39 pm
          From the archives. Donkey and Robert Scoble were making out in the Hilton Lobby.

          http://www.youtube.com/user/lorenfeldman#p/u/0/S1uMjnzwXb8

          0 likes

          Reply
          Jacy “Donk” LaRue says:
          March 8, 2011 at 7:50 pm
          We heard rumors about her and Scobie for years. They can’t possibly be true, can they? Her face did light up when he took the mike at that SXSW thing. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

    • TJ KELLEIGH'S FISTED ASSHOLE says:

      It’s possible that this happened so the girls had a reason to see each other? I don’t really get how this is supposed to work as a show if it’s three separate women in three separate cities dating different men. Like, that’s just three shows of the same script shoved together.

  17. Free Donkey says:

    I’m humbled by how much she teaches me about how great I’ve got it.

  18. JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

    Damn those Bravo restrictions – can’t view video.
    Sad face.

    Now I have to rely on cat lady parsings.
    Happy face.

  19. JFA says:

    She still hasn’t learned anything. If you are constantly seeking a fucking husband YOU WILL NEVER FIND ONE. Jaysus.

    • JFA says:

      “dating” and “finding a husband” are NOT TOO DIFFERENT THINGS. You lunatic. You’d think a “dating expert” would know this. Basically “dating” usually implies “going out and getting to know guys.” And that is required before you “find a husband.”

      I fucking can’t. This is her problem. Stop pretending you are fine single half the time when you clearly aren’t. Stop pretending you will find “the one” when you are ready because that’s not how it works (and YOU will never be ready, because you are nuts). How it works is, you go out and try to have a good time while keeping an open mind, with any new guy you actually like. You don’t stalk people, you don’t act like a crazy bitch wherever possible, and you don’t actually BE a crazy bitch. And maybe along the way you will actually find someone great who thinks you are great. Stop trying so hard! Stop being a conniving piece of shit to people! It’s not rocket science!

      • Powerful Moms with Fantastic Sons (aka Cindy M's Med Cab) says:

        Even if she stopped trying so hard to find a husband, she still wouldn’t attract anyone. She’s still her, whether she is actively husband-hunting like a crazy person or not. The crazy cannot be contained for long because her crazy is so much more than just her psycho behavior toward guys.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Stop pretending you will find “the one” when you are ready because that’s not how it works

        That’s how it worked for me.

        • fig says:

          Thanks! That’s still how I hope it will happen for me.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            If you are “ready” in that sense (like what people usually mean there, “have worked through issues around relationships to a decent extent,” “have gotten to a place of solid self-confidence,” “have figured out what you want and don’t want in life,” and so forth) and you don’t meet “the one”…

            …you’re a well-adjusted, confident person who’s in a great position to look more actively for “the one,” so you’re ahead of the game. There is never a downside to working on your issues.

            But I really did have that movie-script thing where I had had a horrible relationship that ended incredibly unpleasantly, and it inspired me to step back and rethink all my choices and make some bright-line rules about what I wanted and didn’t want in future, and I decided to take at least six months or maybe a year off dating, and then six weeks later I met my huscat and six weeks after that we were engaged.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Also, I think “the one” is probably “one of the ones.” My husband and I connected when we were both ready; if one or both of us hadn’t been ready when we met, I think we would each have connected with some other “one” at some different time when we and that “one” were both ready.

            Or maybe this is all Stockholm Syndrome talking after 14 years, who knows?

        • JFA says:

          I mean that it won’t work for her because she’s NEVER going to be ready clearly. In the sense that you are talking about it. She will NEVER get better. She will ALWAYS be a crazy bitch. And she will NEVER get to the point where she is so comfy and happy with herself and her life that she genuinely does not give a shit where her future husband is.

          She has to just hope to meet someone who accepts her nutbaggery. This much is obvious to anyone who follows her. Also I just think that notion of meeting when you are “ready” is a cliche, and doesn’t hold true for a lot of people. Sometimes you just meet the right person and you might not be as ready or as self-actualized as you wish you were, but they stick around anyway because they love you and you love them, and you figure shit out together. That’s been my experience. I always hope to be more “ready.” Sometimes you luck out. At this point i kinda fucking thing for most people it’s blind luck…being in the right place at the right time. Etc.

      • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

        That “two different things” really doesn’t make any sense. To anyone, right? It’s interesting they highlighted that bullshit, but then again the premise of the show is that these dames, esp JA, don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.

        • TJ KELLEIGH'S FISTED ASSHOLE says:

          To be fair she said “getting a date” and “finding a husband” are two different things. I took the former to mean “going on a date with someone for the first time” and the latter to mean “falling in love”, but it’s probably safe to say that we all know she meant dating vs. marriage.

  20. Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

    Julia is always weird but does anyone get that she’s a bit… off one beat or two? Like she’s starting taking meds or something?

    Also, I wonder how much she’ll interact with the other girls. Amy and Emily are in a lot of scenes together — I haven’t seen Julia in one with them yet.

    • Princess WideStance says:

      Emily’s scenes are with her friend Ruby.

      • AFGHANI says:

        Ruby’s the co-author of her book, right?

        • Princess WideStance says:

          No, Ruby’s just a really good friend of hers. She could really have her own show.

          • AFGHANI says:

            Ruby is in the other pilot that Emily was in.

            Ruby kind of stole the show in that one–she was giving advice to Emily, she had more honest dialogue and presented a more nuanced view of age/dating, and the way she talked about sex was a lot fresher. So yeah, I can see what you’re saying.

      • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

        Oh. I must be blind. I thought that was Amy!

  21. Can-Swiss says:

    They really have made her out as the nutty one. The other two come across as well-adjusted compared with every scene with Julia.

    But overall the show looks pretty boring. I can see why they dumped in June. I have a strong desire to watch Donkey make an ass of herself and even I’m not sure I can sit through a whole show. I can’t imagine the viewing public giving this a chance.

  22. Cowboys & Brayliens says:

    Wow.

    Just– wow.

    The amount of entitlement, selfishness, and contempt shown by these three is staggering. Reality shows are completely staged, but even still– the only positive message being offered by this show is one of What Not To Do. It’s amazing that Donk comes off as the most likable of the trio, in that Crazy Aunt Pearl sense.

    • JFA says:

      I think the other two seem fine. I sorta like the slutty one but I love cougars. I would watch a show about her, maybe for five minutes but still. Because that’s actually somewhat interesting as a concept – a self avowed aging slut coming to terms with whether or not she wants to “settle down.” The other one seems fine too…but Donks just seems like a lunatic.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        The difference? The other two seem like adults. JA seems like an overgrown (ahem) 13-year-old, screeching and braying for a boyfriend. Also — fakest cry ever. Another thing children, not adults, resort to.

    • AFGHANI says:

      Did anyone else (other than myself and Albie) watch Emily’s failed pilot? I watched the whole thing while washing dishes tonight. Jesus she’s boring. I thought it would be interesting because, duh, she’s attractive 40something woman who loves sex. But, it was cliche-ridden and boring. She’s not the beacon of maturity I was expecting. Nor is she as bad as Julia, but that’s hardly a compliment.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        It was the least sexy show about sex that I had ever seen, and I have been known to watch Dr. Ruth Westheimer and Sue Johnson, so that’s saying something!

        Did we talk about having watched it, or did you just assume that I had because I’m a crazy shut-in with too much time on my hands (“Emily Dickinson with wi-fi,” as a pal from another website calls me)?

        • AFGHANI says:

          I’m not sure anyone else has watched it. You made a reference to it before, so I’m pretty sure you at least tried to watch it. It’s the old “young guys are hot and have stamina but can’t hold deep conversations” and then “old guys have money and want a serious relationship but are gross and have baggage”. She’s supposed to be an “expert” but the sex talk is so stilted and juvenile. And it’s like she can’t conceive of dating a guy who is good looking and educated. She sets it up as if it’s gotta be one or the other… and of course, when you view dating through that lens, you’re going to register a lot of confirmation bias.

          In short, she’s really not that much “better” than Donk.

      • LEFOOLIEH says:

        I saw it and I sat through the whole thing but it was sooooooooooooo booooooooooooring. It was like they were trying for “The Hills” but with a story of Emily’s love life. She seemed nice enough but I agree with the stilted black/white take on relationships. If you’ve made up your mind to see things through a certain lens, can’t keep an open mind and *cough* LET IT UNFOLD ™, you shouldn’t be surprised if you keep finding the same flaws in all men. In a way it’s as if she’s open to dating but THEY on the other hand aren’t being given a fair shot from the very word go.

      • Orwell-Style CyberPolice Force says:

        I couldn’t sit through the whole thing. There was literally no plot as far as I could tell, which is kinda essential for a reality show. It was like Emily going to work (radio, so uber uninteresting). Emily bitching about men. Emily being a sad sack 40 year old singleton reincarnation of a thinner, shriller Bridge Jones. Etc. It was just so damn dull.

    • Donkey of Perdition says:

      Disagree. Donkey looks like a stage 5 clinger/SWF, the brunette a cold, hard, funQueda and the blonde looks normal.

      • Donkey of Perdition says:

        which is odd cause I always got the impression that the brunette was the lets go get drunk and fuck, smoke a cig and maybe a joint, round two type.

        • AFGHANI says:

          look on Vimeo for the “sexy with emily” pilot. Its about 25 min long. I’m not sure what network that was shot for, but it never got green lit. It’s only about 2 yrs old, so I can’t imagine she’s gotten that much more interesting since then.

          However, I completely agree with you that, simply based on first impressions and appearance, Emily comes off as the most interesting/fun to date. It’s just that reality doesn’t seem to match up… there’s not a lot there beyond the facade. She talks about sex like a college sophomore trying to copy Sex and the City.

  23. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    What?? The dainty prude who won’t have sex until 11 dates is aggressive? What??!?!?

  24. Get a Styl....Oh, I Give Up says:

    She seemed sad and messy.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      HA HA

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Eeeeeesh, this. It’s like she can’t get her shit together on any level. I mean, we knew this, but you’d think she might have TRIED since this was her ZOMGDreamComeTrue.

  25. Occupy Donkeytown says:

    Gotta give it to the Bravo cinematographer: she doesn’t look as ugly as she is!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I think she looks terrible. Puffy in the face and body, slitty-eyed, her hair looks unwashed and that awful middle part that she insists on sticking with even though it only makes her face look heavier.

      I don’t think she’s ever looked as bad as she does in that promo.

  26. AFGHANI says:

    OT (and I apologize) — Does anyone have any reading recommendations re: Carlos Fuentes ?

    Also, while I’m asking — Graham Greene

    (I asked this on the last thread but it got stuck at the bottom when this new thread launched.)

    • Albie Quirky says:

      For Fuentes, I would start with The Death of Artemio Cruz, and if you liked that, Terra Nostra.

      For Greene, I would start with The End of the Affair for serious Christian novel, The Third Man for spy/crime stuff, and Travels With My Aunt for lighthearted entertainment. Then if you want more serious Christian novels, Brighton Rock; more spy/crime, Our Man in Havana, and more lighthearted, Monsignor Quixote. His short stories are good, too.

      • AFGHANI says:

        He just died today (RIP) and I’ve only read 1 or 2 short stories, I feel somewhat guilty about it.

        I asked on RBD because I’ve read a lot of David Foster Wallace in the past months ever since I asked for recommendations here. Also, I feel like I have to read good literature to cleanse myself of spending time on RBD.

    • Empty, Scheming Doll says:
    • Dr. Gary says:

      Graham Greene: The Lawless Roads + The Quiet American

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      Graham Greene:
      The Power and the Glory
      The End of the Affair

    • North Shore Bitch says:

      The End of the Affair!!! My all-time favorite. Also, of course: The Quiet American. Perhaps also, The Heart of the Matter.

  27. Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

    “What does a donkey have to do to get a kiss around here?”

    “Hmm … hold your braying, drunken mug out the window and I’ll kiss your tail.”

    “Oh, Jelly D. We’s gettin’ all nasty! Gang signs, y’all!”

    Seriously, as all have noted, this shit looks boring as hell. I may have to cancel that premiere party!

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      Don’t cancel just turn into real life bingo (read: drinking game)

      * Drink for everytime Julie brays.
      * Drink for every instance of “attempting to play to/for the camera with no self-awareness whatsoever”
      * Drink for every mention of an ex
      * Drink for every cued crocodile tear shed (count them, one sip or chug for each single one)
      * Drink for every instance of “I’m adorkable just like Zooey tee-hee-haw” moment
      * Drink for the moments where production and post-production get their digs in by subtly focusing on the reactions of her “dates” to her insanity

      Now here’s where you might want to change to sips, and of something a little lighter, lest you be on your ass

      * SIP for every single I, me, my, mine, etc. etc. uttered by a donkey

      You’ll probably be toasted within sayyy 10-15 minutes of the show starting anyway and it won’t matter anymore, smooth sailing lulz from that point on, to be enjoyed drunkenly! 😀

      • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

        Good plan to save the soiree, but we’ll need several designated drivers.

      • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

        DRINKING GAME? You are totally inconsiderate.

        • A Donkey is a Ass says:

          Ha!

          Hope you’re doing better.

          This drinking game is a terrible idea. If we followed every one of these rules, we’d be joining you.

        • LEFOOLIEH says:

          MY BAD, JP! <3 It was indeed inconsiderate. It was the first thing that came to mind to help forget how much of a snooze this will be. Take a sip of tea, perhaps? At least there'll get a good nights sleep by the end of it.

      • idiotbox says:

        Are you trying to kill us?

  28. *fist shakes* says:

    If you have Chrome you can try this app:
    https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/ieaebnkibonmpbhdaanjkmedikadnoje
    It took me about one minute to install and worked perfectly. 😀

    • *fist shakes* says:

      Er, that was supposed to be in reply to how to watch it outside of the US.

  29. juliaspublicist says:

    Also it looks like the other two find potential boyfriends over the course of the season while Julia has a calvacade of men screaming into the night.

    • AFGHANI says:

      I hate that I know this, but I’ve checked out some of Emily’s podcasts and if she has a boyfriend or is dating someone seriously, she’s hiding it on her show by acting like she’s very single.

  30. Tribune Slingbacks says:

    Is “Where is he? Where is my husband?” actually a direct rip-off of Charlotte York? Or does it just sound like one?

  31. The future of medicine says:

    @JuliaAllison: This morning, I got my blood drawn for @WellnessFX’s comprehensive medical panel … It’s the future of medicine! THE FUTURE I TELL YOU!

    She’s involved in a medical panel? How does this even make sense?

    • Is she going to an age-management practice?

    • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

      Maybe she’s selling her plasma.

    • K_Swizz says:

      Didn’t that quack in February already do a comprehensive workup and tell her everything that is wrong with her (and how she could conveniently fix it by going gluten-free)?

      I thought she hated doctors.

      • AFGHANI says:

        I thought she hated doctors.
        ————————-

        She “dated” about a dozen of them when she was a college freshman (transfer) and studied in the med school library, so it does seem like she’d be tired of them.

        • LEFOOLIEH says:

          #medstitute #nevarforget

          She likes them as far as the money she assumes they make (far from what it used to be, but expect a donkey to know nothing of malpractice insurance, annual board certification and the additional costs of keeping a private practice running) if she’s dating one, as far as the prestige of having a rich husband if she can manage to get one to propose, and as far as she can misconstrue test results in such a way that they come in handy to excuse her from any number of responsibilities and obligations if they happen to be treating her. She LOVES doctors except when the bill comes, because she NEVER gets sick except for when she so frequently does.

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      Not a panel upon which she would be speaking, she probably meant this…

      The Comprehensive Metabolic Panel (CMP) is a frequently ordered panel of tests that gives your doctor important information about the current status of your kidneys, liver, and electrolyte and acid/base balance as well as of your blood sugar and blood proteins.

      • LEFOOLIEH says:

        Also, leave it to a donkey to get the name wrong of something that – from the previous googled results that returned the correct name for it – appears to be a pretty standard blood test. The definition offered makes it seem like you can walk in to ANY doctor’s office and be like “I don’t know what’s wrong, here are my ambiguous symptoms, run ALL THE TESTS!”. I doubt it’s some new thing that’s being done and thus “the future of medicine”. Maybe it’s new to HER (what isn’t, really) and she forgot “metabolic” in place of “medical” because she’s shot hers to shit with yo-yo dieting and BPC. Who knows?

      • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

        i wonder if she’ll be the keynote on this blood panel?

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        What a big who cares, she’s gotten these blood panels before and then continues to stuff her ballpark frank body with chocolate bars, cup cakes and blue print cleanse.

        Such a donkey! Always wants results without doing the work!

        PS – Ferris lives to exercise and diet, he is not going to be attracted to a lumpy Donkey. Even though he looks like a troll he can pull some hot ass

        • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

          JA and T. Ferris used to be fuck buddies.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          They have had the sex in the past.

        • I’m doubtful that Donkey paid out-of-pocket for a blood work-up & simply ‘wanting’ one isn’t usually satisfactory for insurance reimbursement (doc needs to order it w/ a working Dx).

          Nah, she’s just grifting for Tim Ferrett(face).

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          Right, sorry, my point was he is not going to put a ring on it – he can do so much better and he knows it.

    • I don’t know if this is exactly rational, but it’s a peeve of mine — any business that wants to charge the big bucks, yet can’t even spell-check their damn web site?

      ‘enthusaists’ http://www.wellnessfx.com/pricing

      Yeah, bite me.

    • Oh ho! OF COURSE Tim Ferriss is somehow involved in what Donkey is braying about http://blog.wellnessfx.com/ puke puke puke

      • CaptainGary says:

        Was JUST coming here to point that out.

        She’s such a sad-assed wannabe grifter. She just doesn’t have the work ethic to be a full-on grifter.

        • I looked a little deeper, & saw that he’s listed as a ‘Strategic Advisor’ of the Co. … & I’ve since wondered if Donkey isn’t trying to snag him (I know, I know, she told the mods that she effed around w/ him a couple of summers ago, but considering how much she lies & considering that he isn’t dodging her like every other dude who did the donkey & considering that he does have a biggo wallet, eh, I just wonder else her motivation would be …

  32. i.just.cant! says:

    completely off-topic, but can some catladies help me w/ some fashion advice? huscat and i are going to the american heart associations ‘have a heart’ ball. it’s supposed to be ‘black tie.’ but can i go with a shortish dress? i’m olsen sized and don’t think i can pull off long dresses. also, i don’t want to spend more than $150ish max, the cheaper the better. fuck, what can i say, i’m a cheap asshole. no can do on rent the runway either because i’ll probably need to get everything tailored.

    thanks. you guys are the best.

    xx

    ps- i think i sort of like emily in this little clip?

  33. anon says:

    Julia Allison ‏ @JuliaAllison
    Rolling deep with my furry friend … And her “carseat.” http://lockerz.com/s/209234433
    View photo
    Reply Retweet Favorite

    2h Ryan Basford ‏ @RyanBasford
    @JuliaAllison we get it, you drive a Mercedes. #clevercrop
    Reply Retweet Favorite
    6:06 PM – 15 May 12 via web · Details

    2h Julia Allison ‏ @JuliaAllison
    @RyanBasford – unintentional but yeah, douchefest alert!
    Reply Retweet Favorite
    6:08 PM – 15 May 12 via Echofon · Details

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      Unintentional… yeah right. I saw that and felt so sad for her. She really is the 16 early homely girl who cares what the cool kids think. And it reeks of desperation.

    • one too twee says:

      SHE REPLIED WITHIN 60 SECONDS?!!!??

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        I guarantee she gets an email alert when someone tweets her – because her life is so empty.

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      This is really really funny. ryanbasford nailed it. It must be frustrating to be a sociopath but so damn incompetent at it. She is literally (and I do mean literally) as transparant with her actions as my 4 year old daughter.

  34. Miss assvice says:

    [img]http://imgur.com/aNkZr[/img]

    I could not help but think of donkey when I saw this.

  35. one too twee says:

    On bravotv.com there is a link to their blog, the dish, which features a story about Andy’s party at Sur. No mention of Donk, but there is a video. It won’t play for me because I’m on my boxee box (the friggin’ ads play just fine, though — fuck you very much, bravo). I also don’t have a copy function so I can’t paste the link. Would somebody be a lamb and check the video for braying and craying? Thanks, darlings!

  36. So. Blessed. says:

    There was a cat-comment previously on this post (maybe the previous or my Ctrl-F are drink) where it was suggested the move up for MisSadvised was a Shahs of Sunset sort of thang precipitated on RHONY–that the traffic from RHONY would garner interest, or pure boredom and laziness, in a viewing population.

    It’s a valid idea and furthers the idea that the hope is this shitshow will gain traction.

    There is nothing pressing in the updated and scripted lives of Red Sonja (miss you, Richard Lawson) or Crazy Eyes Ramona that will remind me to tune the teevees to Bravo on Mondays. I will most likely schlump down to the basement after my errands, put on my housecoat and guzzle diamond water with carmelized cheeto and endive garnish while watching Pawn Stars or reruns of Gordon Ramsay on CMT without any desire to seek more exciting programming.

    This show is a bust and I say this as someone who loves garbage tv.

    I’m sure A Donkey is ALSO expecting a WWHL ep forthcoming but as Andy Cohen has replied to every Bravolebrity in the stable and plenty who are OUTSIDE in the last 24-nope, don’t feel the love.

    Oh LORD–I just watched the promo. “Do you still want to be making out with polyamorous queer dudes when you’re 50?” WHAT. I know that wasn’t Donkey’s scene (hers def reek of scheme juices, ceiling cat farts, sweaty taffeta, Alize and pelts) but if this is really what they’re piecing together to sell the show–in the words of Joey Lawrence, “Whoa.”

    OT: please check out http://50shadesofsuck.tumblr.com.

  37. So. Blessed. says:

    Of course: Like everyone else in the LA-iverse, I am obsessed w @DiabloCody & @DMaurio & my goal in life (or the next 2 wks) is to meet them in person. I do not think this is the first time there was a desperate @ing of Diablo Cody (check me, F. Camping) but now there is Fame! Bravo Fame!

    Diablo Cody and “Producer of Chelsea Lately” @’d her back so they can make their tee-hee faux threeway meating happen. Is Brookie-poo desperate for material? Maybe she can collaborate with Julia’s ghostwriter of her Carrie 2.0 life and they can all write a four-way OMG AMAZEBALLZ! My Mercedes has a Lillyphone, bizsnaziches! screenplay that will fill A Donkey’s Bucket Trough and keep everyone else sorta current.

    I thought Diablo Cody was familiar enough with suggested rimjobs for possible ca$h money$ (by her memoir, Candy Girl) that she’d leave The Donkey Show alone when tweeted. #ugh #LAiverse

    • Joardache & the Pelts says:

      Diablo Cody stupidly mentioned Julia Allison in some written piece (I think for EW) a few years back, admiring her “balls” or something. This was several years back. Julia famously bombed on the panel of an early episode of Chelsea Lately and this disdain Chelsea had for her was palpable. There’s no way Julia is entering the Diablo/Chelsea circle jerk.

      • Prof. F Camping says:

        yep.
        Nice(ish) Things People Have Said About Julia

        “I admire your resilience, charisma, and well— I was going to say ‘pluck,’ but I generally prefer ‘balls.’” – Oscar winning screenwriter Diablo Cody

        • Albie Quirky says:

          That was when people thought Julie Albertson was in on the joke a la Angelyne. They were wrong.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            And honestly, I thought that until I saw her in person. I really thought she was consciously doing a riff on the shallow wannabe celebrity attention-seeker but she really is a shallow wannabe celebrity attention-seeker.

            I also confess, to my shame, that the reason I thought she was doing a shtick was that she had gone to a “good” college and a “good” high school, so that there was just no way she could be so crass and bone-ignorant as she appeared. In other words, I am a fucking classist who really needs to work on that.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            I’m hot on your trail, Albie.

            In other news, I just saw Emily Rockefeller at the yacht club. She is getting faaaaaaaaaaaaaaat….

    • CaptainGary says:

      See, this is one of the main things that bugs me about La Donk – how the fuck does she claim to know what “everyone else in the LA-iverse [sic]” is obsessed with? And, of course, she’s wrong anyway – who the fuck is talking about Diablo Cody, besides Bobcat Goldthwait in “God Bless America”?

      Here are some things the “LA-iverse” [sic] might be obsessed with before they give even a passing thought to Diablo Cody: “Avengers,” summer movie season, 3 teams that play at Staples all in the playoffs, “Don Giovanni” with set design by Frank Gehry and costumes by Rodarte at Disney Hall, the beginning of the Hollywood Bowl season, the Dodgers being one of the best teams in the country, California’s massive budget shortfall, not going to Marina del Rey…in fact, almost anything OTHER than Diablo Cody.

      Seriously, the way she acts like she’s got her finger on the pulse of this town is maddening.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        She is as always, late to the party by 5 years or whenever Juno was. Now, NoOneCurr.

      • Cowboys & Brayliens says:

        If the Donk knew _anything_ about Los Angeles, she would have been at Unique LA this past weekend.

      • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

        She’s our own Jackie Harvey.

  38. agspivey says:

    It’s sad. With her normal brunette hair and regular makeup (not tranny makeup) or even no makeup, she’s a really pretty girl. Plus she has messed up her face with the botox and stuff. And she’s not even 30 yet.

  39. Scooby Don't says:

    http://lockerz.com/s/208852681
    “If ya holllllld on, for one more day … Things will go your way! Hold on for one more day.” F–king love this song.
    Oh no they won’t, Donkey, they really won’t.
    No matter how much you frantically grasp at “things” with your bloated sausage snappers, they really, really, really, really, really won’t.
    You’re Bravo’s bitch now.

  40. virgil reid says:

    i have a question — did julia always act that ridiculous around men, or is this a persona she invented for the show or is this something that she has turned into?

    i’m just basing this off the preview, but i’m having a hard time understanding if she acted like she in her mid 20s, how so many guys would want to date or invite her places. it’s completely possible i guess, but i’m just wondering if she’s always been this desperate/aggressive around men or if this is something that’s only been happening since she’s not a start up groupie anymore.

    • The loon w/ daddy issues who hasn’t outgrown the skirt pull of her trademark poofy pink tutus? The 31-year-old grown-ass woman who still dreams of prom-themed dates? The braying ass who squees about cupcakes & chocolate bars?

      Surely you jest …
      Donk’s range of emotional development & maturity is 6- 14, tops.

      • virgil reid says:

        when i discovered her in 2008, i thought she was living such a cool and glamorous life and got to go to ~ cool~ parties, i figured she had something that made her attractive to men. this preview makes me wonder how anyone ever fucked her.

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          I think what is cute at 23 or 25 when the girl is hot to a 25 year old guy – when she is acting the same way at 31 seems deranged. Especially with how she has fucked up her face.

          My guy friends tell me they will excuse bad behavior all the time (up to a certain point) if the girl is hot – I think Donkey had this at some point but injected too much Lucite in her face.

          Plus she now lives in a town where there are a million hot girls – no one is going to put up with a 31 looking like 51 deranged woman’s antics.

          • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

            Hotness aside, she’s way too uptight and weird for LA… super uncomfortable in her own skin in the ultimate don’t-give-a-fuck town is not really gonna work for long.

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      You be the judge.

      [img]http://25.media.tumblr.com/NB8YioMLio1kkwczJ6bRkO4Lo1_400.jpg[/img]

      http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/114502424

      • Dyspeptic says:

        wow, total recapitulation of that moment. Sadzzzz.

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          In that case her psycho is off the charts.

      • Is this THE moment Donkey was trying to recreate in the Bravo episode where she also has on a powder blue prom dress?

        • ICrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

          I believe she is wearing her actual high school prom dress on that Miss Advised date.

          • SAME dress, really? Does crazy Donkey haul prom dresses around the country for 15 years after high school, or is that she who can’t be arsed to fly home & be w/ GMB’$ after the cameras stop rolling can always manage to fly back & get a stinking plume of puke out of storage?

          • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

            She’s trying to prove that SHE’S SKINNY AGAIN, PEOPLE! She fits into her high school prom dress!

            Wasn’t she braying about wanting to do that during her fat ashram days? Someone correct me.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I think she was less desperate and also hadn’t ruined her face yet.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        Well, the Baugher genes kinda ruined her face here. Isn’t this pre-rhinoplasty? I’m gonna go on record as saying, she needed to shave down that beak.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          I meant “between the mid-20s, when she hadn’t started with the injectables and hadn’t ruined her face with them, and now that she is a melting marionette at age 31 not to mention the reek of desperation.”

          I don’t know what I think about whether or not she would have grown into her nose if she hadn’t had surgery. Yeah, it dominated her face when she was a kid and made her look gawky, but look at the pig snout she has now…

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

          Am I alone in thinking Donkey looked cute pre-surgeries despite her adolescent awkwardness? Sure, she hadn’t a chance of being the smoking hot seductress she wanted to be, but she was still attractive and didn’t look like a boring, shallow, busted cunt, which is way more than she can say now.

          • Donkey of Perdition says:

            I agree.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            No, you’re not alone. I think she looked gawky but kind of sweet. I am not sure the nose job was the right idea.

            I certainly went to college with lots of women who looked just like Julie Albertson’s high-school photos who now look like a million dollars, without any plastic surgery, because they grew into their noses as their faces got more definition with age. I shudder to think what JABs will look like when she is my (expiration +17) age.

          • Donkey of Perdition says:

            I think she is about at stage 9 of this evolution.
            http://thechive.com/2012/05/16/it-all-started-so-innocent-17-photos/

          • pearipathetic donkey says:

            In all seriousness I don’t think she REALLY needed a nose job. I think in terms of looks, noses are pretty easy to look past. And Albie you are right about growing into one’s looks. I bet a good hairstyle could have done some good…in fact, that’s still true today for Julia.

          • darling dearest says:

            my own dad and grandfather both tried to hint at me to get a nose job when i was 17. I said no, and I’m glad I did. My nose isn’t small, but it actually looks smaller than when I was 17 — I think my face was still growing and changing and catching up to some of my features.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I think the more desperate she gets for a “husband” — how about just a date, idiot? — the more aggressive and frantic she’s becoming. There is no way this chick would have been landing so many dudes in her 20s if she behaved this way, no matter how hot she was back then. My man dated a totally stunning woman for six months before we met and he literally fled in terror because she was such a gigantic, JA-ish mentalcase. He nuked an email address and changed his numbers to escape her.

      When I see photos and say, wow, she’s beautiful, he says he cannot see it, all he sees is the cray, and … sob … when he looks at me, he sees a beautiful woman. Even though I desperately need a nose job, I am past my expiration date and I am not half as hot as Cuckoopants Caroline was.

      I digress. The answer is no.

  41. Who do you think you are? says:

    I’m embarrassed for all three of them but, then again, there’s a reason why I cannot watch reality television programs. Seeing people humiliating themselves or being humiliated by others on film or tv makes me really, really uncomfortable. I don’t care who they are, even a Donkey.

    Amy and Emily look old enough that I just feel really, really sorry for them that they’ve stooped this low. I still think the Donkey is an asshole and I do take pleasure in the tips coming through but, watching this clip, I just see her and the other women’s situations as so contrived and sad for the exact same reasons I can’t watch The Bachelor and similar.

    The dudes who agree to be on this show are as shallow, sad, and lame as its stars. It’s going to be hard to stomach this one.

    • stalker is the new fat says:

      I tots agree. Humiliating reality shows are more a “can’t look” than a “can’t look away” for me.

      • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

        I just texted Mr. Handbag to say I’ve watched this second trailer and I fear it’s going to be too much, especially for him. Humiliation factor is off the charts.

      • fig says:

        Yep, I caught myself physically turning away from the screen and then fleeing to other tabs, just to make it through that video. I can’t even imagine how her parents will feeling watching that show.

    • CDB says:

      It must be genetic because I have the same overly empathetic reaction.

  42. Birthday Chicken says:

    Emily Morse looks like she’s trying to be a female Woody Allen

  43. Fueled by PMS & Chocolate says:

    I’m not surprised that she’s only shared this on Twitter, and not yet on Facebook where people who are actually a part of her life can see it. Not to mention her fans in the ‘stans… they need to get their daily “like” requirements!!

  44. ShesJustStupid says:

    So I guess she’s not attending the Webutante ball thing in nyc tonight. Too many obligations now that the show has been announced?

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      I wondered that too. She hasn’t brayed about not packing! OMGsolateforairplane!!!!!!

      If she is not going, I have a bit of a theory and that is that since Invite-Everyone-To-My-Granny’s-Funeral-Gate, Peter shut her down and will not pay for travel. Because she is not going to sit out being the center of attention at an OMGBall for no good reason!!!!

      I’m sure she’ll spin it that she is grieving, YO!

      • Life Is Unfair says:

        Good theory. From her FB:

        
Julia Allison: I apologize for not making this more clear – the funeral is not open to the public, but any friend of mine is welcome. Yesterday at 12:29pm via mobile · Like
 



        Mike Davis: I’d hope that was kind of obvious to people.Yesterday at 12:40pm · Like
 



        Julia Allison: Unfortunately, some asshole emailed my father – and she was his mother – about it. It’s really unbelievable what people will do, given the opportunity.19 hours ago · Like · 1
        



        Sarah Lane: Change the status of this update to friends only?

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          Here’s a couple things:

          1) How about SHE’S THE ASSHOLE who published that? How is someone else the asshole for something she set in motion – total Donkey logic.

          2) Why not just have a status like that go out to just friends? Oh, yeah, because she really did mean ANYONE can come.

          3) I think it’s shitty someone emailed her Dad but – I guarantee a cousin, aunt or relative complained too.

          I wonder if this is going to make Daddy monitor her antics a little more closely. And yes, I’m guessing he nixed her travel plans.

        • What it seemingly comes down to is that Donkey doesn’t even have specific friends to reach out to & say: “Hey, Rachel, you asked about the service — it’s set for ___”.

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            Right??? Or why not say, “If you’d like to attend the service, please email me and I will send you the details.”

          • Because Donkey has to cast a net far & wide to recruit any semblance of friends, including buying them as Twitter & Fecebook followers.

          • CaptainGary says:

            Brayella, Brayella, Brayella…you’re forgetting one of the central tenets of Donkeyism – it’s never, EVER her fault. SHE went out of her way to provide that info to her many fans and followers, and SOME ASSHOLE (a jelly hater or crazed hacker fan or stalker or misguided BFF/sister) had to go and email her beloved Dad$er (who just lost his mother! How DARE you?!?!) and spin it all out of control, forcing this retraction.

            Yeah, someone emailed him all right. His name is Britt.

          • Worrisome Pelts says:

            @Captain Gary: Dingdingding! We have a weiner! I mean winner!

        • Albie Quirky says:

          She is an imbecile.

          I didn’t post the date, time, and location of my father’s funeral service on my Facebook, even though 90% of my Facebook friends had met my father in person many times. Because WHO DOES THAT?

          (A whole bunch of my friends came because my friends are awesome. And my one friend who used to be a professional opera singer sang because my dad had always joked about wanting her to sing at his funeral. Oops, I have something in my eye.)

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          I don’t believe anyone emailed her father other than a concerned family friend or family member. I really don’t. She’s making that shit up to excuse her stupidity for posting it in the first place.

          Why doesn’t the stupid idiot just nuke the post entirely?

          • Dr. Gary says:

            ‘Why doesn’t the stupid idiot just nuke the post entirely?’

            Because she’s a NPD nut job, who is LOVING the drama and attention.

      • Donkey of Perdition says:

        Someone emailed her Dad about the funeral (who’d a guessed with 75K Afghani facebook friends), she called the person an asshole on FB and someone responded maybe you should take this convo private.

        While I agree with her that emailing PB is a huge dick move and actually quite sociopathic (OTOH it could of been a condolence letter), she should look in the mirror.

        According to JB she has a stalker, is a social media expert who knows all the dangers of posting where/when you’ll be on an open forum, but then did it anyway. The only conclusions I can draw are that she was so overcome by grief these consequences escaped her or she did it on purpose.

        If its the latter (which I hope not), her cray is above and beyond anything I suspected.

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          She is not overcome by grief… you are a kind person for thinking that but also… get real 😉 . This is the Donkey Show where it is all about her.

          She’ll want to blame it on her haters but come on – she put that out to 75,000 people. And she still hasn’t taken it down. I love that some with a Chinese symbol spelling of their name is liking that thread!!!!

          • Donkey of Perdition says:

            Malformed Face, I think we might have been separated at birth, quick: What am I thinking?

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            That my jugs look cute in this shirt???

        • fig says:

          I just assume in donkey math the benefits of public grieving far outweigh the benefits of discretion and privacy for her family.

          That, and she is just too stupid to ever bother to form a proper barrier between her person and public persona. She only does it ex post facto when it benefits her. And it’s always clumsy and manipulative.

        • Donkey of Perdition says:

          Actually, I was thinking I want a turkey sandwich for lunch. Turkey breast/Jugs? Close enough.

        • Do people here really believe that Dad$er was emailed? I, for one, do not, based purely on the fact that Donkey said someone did.

          BUT, if that really happened, it was either a relative or family friend who rightfully has Dad$er’s email addy, or else it was someone who’s wrongfully been on the receiving end of Dad$er’s Cease & Desist communiques.

          WHY? does Donkey use the word ‘unfortunately’? She ‘unfortunately’ had to set the record straight or she ‘unfortunately’ got called out? Those are not one & the same, IMHO.

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            I think someone did email – b/c a Donkey would have never written an addendum unless she was forced too. I think it’s her Donkey stubbornness not taking the status down like she should.

            I think the email probably came from a relative – it it was from a stranger, then the family would be freaked out that someone with ill intentions might show up and they would make her take the post down immediately. Just my 2 cents, I do not get why it’s still up there for 75,000 people to see.

          • You’re probably right — I just instinctively don’t believe most or all of Donkey’s heehawing — but, I am inclined to think that she would refer to that ‘someone’ as an ‘asshole’ knowing full-well who it is, so yeah, a cousin is a safe bet. A cat-lady cousin!

          • crazytrain says:

            We get it, you know how to use html. Now please stop.

          • Crazytrain, who are you talking to? Me? Over what, my use of italics? Because if so, LOL, as if I give a free-flying fuck about your petty little grievances. Toots, you can get a fucking grip or not, but I have nary a fuck to give, ya know?

          • Peltergeist says:

            My theory (based on nothing) is that her brother or another very close relative complains about her online antics regularly, but her parents just roll their eyes. I think this was a concrete complaint that crossed the line for PB and instead of causing any drama he said “someone” emailed.

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            OOOOOOoooo, juicy theory, I’m on board.

          • CDB says:

            “And she was his mother”, um well yea? I sort of don’t understand that qualifier….

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            @CBD – I think it’s a way of saying “How dare they? He’s already going through enough having lost his mother.”

            Not – “How dare I – since I started the whole thing by posting to 75,000 people I don’t know, where my Grandmother’s funeral will be held.”

            Because she is a cunt and it’s never her fault.

          • I didn’t understand the qualifier either, CDB — especially since she never ceased being his mother, she just ceased to be among the living.

            Donkey needs to learn how to use her words.

            Now unfamiliar faces at the service will probably be scrutinized, which is sad, because it’s generally a huge source of comfort to family to see who has gone to the trouble to be there for you.

            Way to eff it up, Donkey, as per the usual.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            I think she meant that Marilyn was her father’s mother rather than her mother’s mother; i.e., it would have been more tactful to reach out to Julia’s mother with the info that Julia was, once again, opening the family album for all the world’s supply of hilarious colored-pencil Hitler mustaches.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      Julia Allison @JuliaAllison 10 May
      Obvs, playa. Get your tiara ready. RT @BenjLerer: @JuliaAllison yo lady. we hanging out at the webuatant thing?? miss ya
      View details ·

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        So if she was going as of 5 days ago… a ticket would have been purchased, you’d think???? I still think Daddy slapped her down.

        • Life Is Unfair says:

          Her name is on the Attendee List.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            She’s part of the Prom Committee (which was just announced the other day, so obviously it’s an honorary title only).

            It just seems unlikely she’ll be there seeing as she hasn’t complained about flying to New York and her flying to New York without complaining is unpossible.

          • Wasn’t she also ‘on the committee’ last year? What does the committee do, or is it in name only? Because it doesn’t sound like she’s ever there in advance to be an actual part of pre-party set-up, work, w/e …

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            Re: Brayella’s question, in this case I think it’s simply a “celebrity guest.”

            “Prom committee” seems more a bit of “tee hee! High school!” theme cutsieness rather than the actual obligation to buy a table’s worth of tickets etc. that it would otherwise suggest.

          • Thanks, RRR. I didn’t even think about this being a ‘buy a table’ thing (I just knew that every event committee I’m ever on involves work. Lot’s & lot’s of work).

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            I see Mr. Museum Board and his insufferable girlfriend are attending. Oh, to be a fly on the wall for that cab ride home.

            “Darling? Who ARE these…people?”

            “Well reaaaaaaaaaaaaally, Esme, I cahn’t say I knooooooow. Evidently it’s all to do with something called BookFace.”

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Innnnnnnnnnnteresting.

      I doubt Dadsers told her not to go because it would be (INSANELY!) unseemly, though. I think she’s just lazy.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        But being on this committee makes her feel like she’s back in with the cool kids!!!! I doubt she’d miss something like this… even if her Dad said no, I see a Bicycling with Cake in Rain Part Deux.

        It’s weird.

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          I just read the guest list.

          Nary a cool kid in sight.

          No David Karp, OMGBears, Emily Gould, Nick Denton. Not that they’re cool kids either, but still.

          • Miss assvice says:

            It’s really a good charity. I was invited to the ball and the after party but I need to stay in my basement and mind the kitten. I also have desk errands that prevent me from jet setting to NYC. Donkey probably got refused dadsers credit card and I bet she threw a fit. She needs to learn she should just get a real job and a real life. She is much to old for this shit.

  45. Princess WideStance says:

    Emily Morse was tagged in Amy Laurent’s photo. — with Julia Allison at Smashbox Studios.

    Ok, I’m a little jelly. I love Smashbox.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Me, too. I am jealous of all the free stuff, shill trips, etc. that she gets and doesn’t seem to appreciate.

  46. Peltergeist says:

    Rhetorical question I know, but why is Julie the only one making weird noises in this promo? I’d say she’s copying her idol Zoey but I get the feeling she started heehawing first.

    • iblow4shoes says:

      Bad acting and a horrid screen presence?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      She does that fucking squeaky squealy thing that fucking Carrie used to do on Sex and The City ALL the fucking time, and it’s so old, so tired, so shop-worn, so obvious … Jesus, can she let SATC go? If it’s not Charlotte, it’s Carrie, or lame attempts at arch, Samantha-y seductiveness. Funny she’s never the redhead, the only realistic character on the goddamned shitshow.

      • Bravo's Bitch says:

        Yes. This. I am 45 years old and LOVED Sex and the City when it premiered in……wait for it…….1998. Grow up you old broke down donkey.

  47. Dr. Gary says:

    OT: Got stuck running errands at my desk last night. Didn’t make it to the Andy Cohen book signing. Really wanted to request ‘For all the Cat Ladies!’

  48. Bray Against The Machine says:

    AFTER SERIOUS REVIEW & CAREFUL CONSIDERATION…

    After watching this trailer several times I have come to this conclusion…

    THIS WILL BE THE WORST PIECE OF SHIT TV SHOW EVER MADE.

    This has absolutely ZERO Reality TV appeal for the following reasons…

    1. No major drama.
    2. No major cat-fights amongst cast members.
    3. No plot-line worth becoming emotionally invested in. (Who gives two shits if any of these some-what attractive women find love while FILMING A TV SHOW.)
    4. No crazy insanity worthy of being entertaining by itself. (JA’s bad laugh, squeals, other assorted noises, and love all things immature do not count.)
    5. No cliff-hangers, ‘what might happen?’ or other intriguing reasons to even watch the show.
    6. No take-aways, important life lessons, or anything of redeeming value for the user to get out of wasting their time watching some ridiculous, self-entitled, why-dont-I-have-everything spoiled women.

    BOTTOM LINE: This show will suck donkey balls.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      APPLAUSE.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh but in Episode three they bring in the surprise roommates!

      “Can Julia, Emily and the tired-looking blonde one find love while shacking up with Jules Kirby, Devorah Rose and Malik-so-Chic? Find out who uses whose toothbrush to clean the toilet first and who finally gets tired of hearing someone refer to themselves in the third person as “so chic” and pushes said person off a fire escape! Only on Bravo!”

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      I don’t watch reality TV–not because I cringe at the humiliation, but because it’s fake reality and I don’t like being manipulated–but I agree with this assessment. Biggest problem is that the women aren’t interacting. It would be more amusing if they were all giving each other their own brand of advice.

      I’m going to try to get past my aversion to reality tv to watch this thing, but I’m really looking forward to reading some kind of live blog from you peeps or the re-caps. I’ve never even been able to watch a whole video of JABs, she’s that off-putting. The voice alone is just HORRIBLE. I’d rather hear someone talk through a tracheotomy box for an hour.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        ‘I’d rather hear someone talk through a tracheotomy box for an hour.’

        LOL!

  49. bitchface says:

    Facebook’s sister is name-dropping Jessica Alba (and no one else gets nary a mention) in no less than 4 recent pics on her wall.

    Oh Randi.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      I wonder what would happen if she met someone like Anne Hathaway.

      I’d like to think she’d actually melt, like the Wicked Witch of the West, into a puddle of social climbing, name-dropping and gleaming yellow fangs.

      • darling dearest says:

        why anne hathaway?

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          Not necessarily her–just anyone from the Hollywood A-list. I don’t dislike Alba but think she’s a tier below Hathaway in terms of prestige.

  50. ShesJustStupid says:

    wtf with this exchange with some spinning class woman she just friended? She talks about what she’s going to WEAR?

    Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    This is the first time I’ve ever wanted to spin – just so I could WOO hard! RT @LaurenGreenberg: I “WOOOOO!!” so fucking hard in spin class.

    Details Expand Collapse Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite 47m Lauren Greenberg ‏@LaurenGreenberg
    @JuliaAllison You should come!! It’s the best 45 min of my wretched day!

    Details Expand Collapse Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
    @LaurenGreenberg – oh this is happening. Where. When. And how much LuLu Lemon should I wear?? I’m thinking: a lot.

    View conversation Hide conversation Reply RetweetedRetweet
    Delete
    FavoritedFavorite 12:15 PM – 16 May 12 via Echofon · Details

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      When is she ever, ever, going to get the lululemon thing right? It’s like she thinks it’s a chick, Lulu Lemon, the sister of Liz, perhaps. Jesus, lady.

      • diluted brain says:

        Seriously! Little does she realize that women that are actually into the gym & fitness don’t give a shit what they wear or how they look.

    • diluted brain says:

      I’d pay actual money to see her lazy ass at a spin class.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Mary used to make her go and there are some hilarious photos somewhere of her spinning in just a sports bra and the capri yoga pants. So ridiculous. A spin class would kill her. I used to spin five times a week and it was hard-core and also the best shape I’d ever been in in my life. I work near a gym but their spin classes suck and so I have sort of given it up in favor of various machines. When I leave the basement, that is.

        • Prof. F Camping says:

          this isn’t the pic i had in mind, there’s another that’s not blurry where she’s contorting hard and posing with mary.

          [img]http://24.media.tumblr.com/NB8YioMLi1q4yps4OPPIb3J1_400.jpg[/img]

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          I cannot believe how much she wrecked her face.

          Miss Advised #ad

    • Donkey of Perdition says:

      IMO, getting dressed up (i.e. expensive) to go workout is a big “Red Flag”. Those types are more interested in looking good during the workout then the workout itself; leading me to believe that they are superficial in alot of other areas. My workout clothes get destroyed from sweat, grass, and grease stains. It’s like putting on nice clothes to go paint a house.

      • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

        Yep. I don’t go super-cheap but I don’t spend tons of money knowing that inside about two weeks I’m going to have saturated most of my workout clothing with a nice blast of sweat. Only thing I spend bucks on are shoes because otherwise, ouch.

      • K_Swizz says:

        She also wears makeup to the gym, which I can not possibly comprehend.

        I’ve gone to the gym straight from work with my “professional but understated” face on and there is nothing worse than having sweaty mascara in your eye or streaming down your face. I can’t imagine going with a full face of spackle on.

        • Extremely Large Size Medium says:

          I’ve done the same thing and, while this might be purely psychological, I swear the makeup + sweat combo makes me skin itch.

          Of course, Julia looks like she’s always itchy. So there’s that.

  51. diluted brain says:

    I just looked at donkey’s fb page. I feel bad for those that are stuck in her life since she’ll never let go of anyone. Poor CD dated her in HS and can never get rid of her. She tags him in this dumb post and of course he doesn’t like, nor comment on it. Get a clue, donkey… oh and move on from your teenage years.

    I’ve been spending a lot of time just reminiscing about my Grandmother, and one memory popped up last night. When I was 16 and dating Dan S(redacted), she took me to the “wholesale greeting card store” (no one under the age of 70 dared enter) and convinced me to buy him 16 cards to send him for his sixteenth birthday.

    Except they weren’t just all “Happy 16th Birthday!” … she decided it would be adorable if I bought one to mark every birthday he had ever had. So “Happy First Birthday!” “Happy Second Birthday!” “Happy Third Birthday” … etc … etc … etc. “You didn’t get to wish him a happy fourth birthday,” she reasoned, “so why not do a little catching up?”

    Um … because there’s nothing a 16-year-old boy wants more than SIXTEEN HAPPY BIRTHDAY AT DIFFERENT AGES GREETING CARDS. Sigh.

    It’s remarkable Dan didn’t break up with me.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      He will turn up in her (online?) Elle column for sure. He appears to be the only “ex” who still talks to her, if you don’t count Grease Bones. It’s so stupid to drag up relationships that happened 15 years ago to set some kind of tone for what’s happening in the present time. “Well, this is what happened with my high school boyfriend in my small wealthy suburb of Chicago in 1995 so it’s relevant! My brain still hasn’t formed!”

  52. What happens later? says:

    After the show…. post-partum… er… Post-donkey depression?

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      In my opinion, she’s been depressed for years, so post-show will be no different. The rollercoaster she rides never brings her to “happiness” or even neutral. She’s always either masking the sad or acting about giving into it. Her normal state is anxiety.

  53. anon says:

    Do you all think she still thinks she’s attractive? Honestly? I know she used to…

    Remember this post? I think it’s so sad that she thinks women can only be the frumpy unattractive best friend or the hot sexy mean girl. She is SUCH a feminist. http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/24579167

    Jan 24, 08 3:49pm
    Permalink
    PS.

    One of the biggest difficulties I’ve had in my own “personal branding” is that I really, really like being seen as attractive.

    I rarely felt pretty (or popular) growing up, and so, in my twenties, when I figured out HOW to look attractive (emphasizing my best physical qualities, learning about fashion, makeup, wonderbras, how to pose to flatter my best angle, etc etc), I just … got addicted.

    There’s a rush that comes from feeling beautiful, period, but it’s something that women don’t frequently talk about outright. I think it’s because it brings up too many of our insecurities. Or, if you’ve seen Mean Girls, this:

    Regina: But you’re, like, really pretty.
    Cady: Thank you.
    Regina: So you agree?
    Cady: What?
    Regina: You think you’re really pretty?
    Cady: Oh… I don’t know.

    I can’t speak for women who had that natural beauty in high school, but it may mean more to me because I had to work for it. Because I know what it’s like to feel completely undesirable. And it sucks.

    The truth is, most times I’m in my sweats. No makeup! Hair in a braid or a ponytail. Right now, in fact 🙂

    It’s not any “more” me or “less” me … but for “branding” purposes women usually have to pick: you either go Maxim cover or … you get to be the best friend. You know, like Oprah.

    Is there any woman who gets both? Who markets herself well in a three-dimensional way??

    PPS. If you think the above was easy for me to write – you are wrong. It is HARD to admit shit like this. Just so you know.

    • Grammarian says:

      popcorn, mmmmm

    • melting marionette says:

      if she was humble, then writing things like this would be extremely easy.

      >Is there any woman who gets both? Who markets herself well in a three-dimensional way??

      danica mckellar. actress (the wonder years, the west wing), published math whizz and author of books aimed at making math fun and easy. she said in her “nerdist” podcast interview that she did maxim when she was thirty – AFTER – she had done all these other things, but that’s not her brand – math is one of those things you either get, or don’t and she genuinely wants to make it easy for people to understand.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      How sad for her. Because honestly, if all you are is your looks (and that is all you value) and you develop no other part of yourself – i.e. you have no other interests besides posing your best side, make-up and wonderbras – then what the fuck do you do when your looks go away and your an incredible boring, shallow dimwit?

      Julia, can you answer that for me? I’m genuinely curious.

      • Lilly Liberation Front (formerly Whackjob of Whimsy) says:

        Right? You’d think, since she claims she was an ugly duckling growing up, that there is more to life than looks. I know people who’ve gotten very shallow after weight loss or justing growing into their looks, but they all seem to grow out of it. Also, they have friends and family to give them a much needed smack on the head. She appears to have no such people.

        But then again, NPD. Sociopath. Donkey.

      • one too twee says:

        You die a million deaths before they finally plant you.

      • Birthday chicken says:

        I think she thinks it was because she was unattractive, but it was because she has a lousy personality and was also unattractive. Because she had a period of time when she was attractive, she thinks nothing is wrong with her. However, the desperation and awkward display in those clips shows a deeply emotionally stunted individual, who has no idea how to grow up. When she sees people take note, she clings/threatens and then becomes despondent after their inevitable escape. Then the next time she meets someone, she’s even more desperate. More time that she does have anymore (see: expiration) has passed and each prospect has less to offer. That would make anyone desperate.

    • JFA says:

      Most pretty women don’t spend a whit of time on the regular thinking about how attractive they are. Jesus Christ she is perpetually 11 years old.

      • melting marionette says:

        there’s an f. scott. fitzgerald short story – title escapes me – about two cousins: one lives in a city (marjorie), the other (berniece) is from eau claire wisconsin. the boring one is pretty, but has the personality of a donkey. anyway, city-mouse teaches country-mouse to be funny and witty, then gets jealous when country-mouse starts getting attention from her beau, but that’s beside the point…

        during their heart-to-heart sessions, city-mouse compares country mouse to one of the more plain girls in their group – but plain-jane is a great dancer and a skilled conversationalist so the boys flock keep drinking her milkshake; the point being that you can have a face like a gunny sack, but if you have a freat personality and can talk about everything with convidtion, you can “follow a baby tank across a barbed wire skyscraper” and have a great time anywhere.

        tl:dr (sorry). bugs me that i can remember the story but not the title.

  54. anon says:

    BTW did you all notice that Allie commented on Julia’s FB that she’s “so excited!!!” for Miss Advised? Do you guys think she’s a catlady?

    Allie Baugher So excited!!!
    Monday at 2:47pm · Like · 1

    • Lilly Liberation Front (formerly Whackjob of Whimsy) says:

      And Brit Moron, if I recall. She’s another one I wonder about.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        Oh, she is definitely a cat lady. Definitely. The bitch is strong with that one.

      • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

        If I had to guess catladies who are/were involved in Julia who are just as addicted to this site as we are: Mary Rambin, Brit Moran, Rachel Sklar, Caro Bear obviously, Rachel Billow.

        • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

          Not exactly ringing celebrity endorsements if you really want to know.

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      I think Allie does her best to be polite to her developmentally-challenged s-i-l. It doesn’t cost her anything and she can keep giggling behind her hand.

      • cupcake cray cray says:

        agreed, she probably is kind to julia in order to keep things drama-free. in-law relationships are weird enough to navigate even when all parties are reasonable people making a genuine effort, no need to look for trouble with a loon and risk pissing off her mil and fil, or causing any grief for her husband.

  55. Birthday chicken says:

    My sis watches all the Bravo shows, and she was like, “I’m not going to watch that.” This reminds me of the Jo and Slade show that went nowhere.

  56. melting marionette says:

    OT:

    He has a phonograph!!
    19 hours ago from Twitter – Comment – Like – Share

    christ on a crutch, who is she obsessing about now?

  57. Ineffably Adverbial says:

    Guys … her twitter background is a Miss Advised banner.
    Of all the things I can, this is not one.
    She really thinks this leading somewhere, huh? Dear heart.

  58. Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

    For whoever is keeping score, a Donkey now has nearly 34,000 Twitter followers, less than a week ago she had 26,000+ Mmm-hmmm.

    She is so pathetic.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Someone on Twitter asked her how she was buying Twitter followers. She didn’t answer.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        Ha! LOL! Twitter-busted second day in a row. Oh, Donkey!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      But could it be that she’s picked up a few thousand more Twitter followers since they announced the date of the show’s premiere? Is that possible?

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        She’s gotten a thousand a night for the past few nights, it seems really extreme.

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          I looked up about 40 people – all of them are following between 500 – 1,000 people and only have about 10 followers themselves – that’s why I think they are bought.

          • Donkeycam now! says:

            Why can’t you people just accept that Donks is very popular in Afghanistan and Kazakhstan?

      • lc says:

        did the show’s other two girls also pick up that many?

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Nah, it’s been going up in suspiciously regular chunks and most of the follower accounts are either shilling something or not in English.

      • LetItExplode says:

        Absolutely bought and paid for. 100%.

      • LetItExplode says:

        She probably did this:

        http://getmorefollows.com/

        $127 for 10,000 new followers
        $277 for 25,000 new followers

        Non-famous people don’t suddenly gain 10,000 followers overnight from a press release signing them on to a Z List show no one’s ever heard of. None of these people are writing to her. They’re all paid for.

        I wish Twitter would do something about this.

  59. Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

    PS, anyone see Jack McCain’s Facebook profile photo – it’s a lovely black and white photo of him and his Tiny and Cute and BEAUTIFUL new girlfriend and they look positively in love.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Oh, so that explains why she’s suddenly Tweeting about him. Vintage Donkey to try to fuck with exes and their new partners when they appear to be happy.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Love this. He advocates obliterating L.A. while the tiny and cute GF tells him she loves him. Oh Donkey.

      http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=669500827931&set=a.669228977721.2123588.12004261&type=3&theater

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        THEIR LOVE BANTER IS SOOOOOOO CUTE. (Sincerely!)

        • Ew, no. My niece & her BF do that on FB & everyday I am a bit closer to blocking them.

        • Prof. F Camping says:

          i was going to say their banter bordered on retarded. keep that shit to yourself, especially if you are on facetime at the same time as writing these dumb facebook posts.
          (the pic was nice, though)
          the way pancakes cycles through chicks, i find it hard to believe he is super serious about any of them.

          • So. Blessed. says:

            cue A Donkey posting a Me/Man-of-Phonograph exchange in 3…2…1 or some Pancakes chats from the annals of old (name redacted, a’course).

      • i.just.cant! says:

        anyone w info on the new tiny & cute gf? shes pretty! good for jack.

        • virgil reid says:

          her resume is pretty baller. i have to give him credit — the girls post donkey are pretty bright and seem to have their stuff together.

          • pearipathetic donkey says:

            I wondered if JAB is gonna talk about Jack on Miss Advised? I think it will be hilarious if she says his life left no room for a relationship, and then some blogger somewhere will discover that Jack has had at least two gfs since moving to Guam. Um, err, oops…

          • solidarity cat says:

            I feel like she DEF is going to mention Jack, and maybe those tweets about still hurting after a year were just to put him back on the radar in anticipation of the show. The only reason she wouldn’t mention him is because she was told not to, and in that case I can STILL see her wailing that they are HER MEMORIES TOO.

      • AFGHANI says:

        His new gf has an appreciation for rhododendrons. http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150523857251506&set=a.10150478817931506.395903.508231505&type=3&theater

        Big thumbs up from the AFGHANI camp.

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        I like how it appears that she’s visiting him in GUAM in one photo of the two of them together. See JABs? Not impossible!

    • JFA says:

      Okay that’s great and all, but there is a special circle of hell reserved for couples who BOTH put a couples pic of themselves on their respective FB profiles.

      Also, this guy sure does get around.

  60. Records Custodian says:

    Three thoughts:

    Thing the first: anything Bravo is dumping in the summer is doomed, given that NBC (parent company) is televising the summer Olympic games.
    Thing the second: this is precisely as bad as I suspected. Bad in the sense that Julia Allison simply isn’t a compelling person and worse, she is irritating in a change-the channel way. Her lone appeal is those who know her backstory (present company included) are awaiting her comeuppance.

    Which, honestly, happened years ago. Julia Allison has the social cache of the chick on the Progressive Insurance commercials.

    Thing the third: no stalker called her dad. Julia doesn’t have stalkers, and never did and never will. No one has ever been after Julia Allison in any meaningful sense. At the very most, someone she knows emailed her dad to ask if it was a public memorial.

    • D says:

      I completely forgot about the Olympics. Which are on at all hours of the day and night. I was thinking that even though this is the middle of the summer, it has a pretty nice lead in (as mentioned previously) with what is basically Bravo’s flagship franchise (any Real Housewives), but anything without an established fan base will probably drown this summer against the Olympics!

      Hmmm, world class athletes competing in a wonderful city, with the chance of getting a glimpse of hot prince ginge and/or Kate Middleton…
      or
      Julia Allison’s bloated, puffy face in ill fitting lululemon.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Excuse me. That’s Lulu Lemon, Liz’s sister’s yoga line, don’t you know?

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      Julia wishes she had the social cachet of the Progressive Insurance girl. That chick has been on Mad Men, so she’s double aces in my book.

    • Donkeycam now! says:

      Julia Allison is constantly hounded by the most committed stalker in the world.

      Her name is Julia Allison.

  61. anon says:

    [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/2ue31gl.jpg[/img]

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      Stunned silence! Drops phone!

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        It’s like, there’s double chin and THERE ARE SIDE CHINS TOO!!!!

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Sloppy drunk is sloppy.

      • Donkey of Perdition says:

        She’s not drunk, she’s yamming it up, I guarantee it.

        • Birthday Chicken says:

          This is the worst display of acting I’ve seen lately. It’s the same hammy performance she used to give on TMI. I saw a couple of episodes today and wow, I really miss that shitshow. The tinny little piano promo, the weird cuts and Julia always interrupting. Ah, the good ole days.

    • Donkeycam now! says:

      You want a kiss, Donks?

      How about getting the f-ing film crew off the limo?

  62. anon says:

    [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/2m77kgh.jpg[/img]

  63. anon says:

    [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/15chnon.jpg[/img]

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      Look at this guys body language. He does not want. I am dying of embarrassment for her.

      Oh, honey.

      • So. Blessed. says:

        I picture the voithover: “What duth a girl haf ta thu get a kith around here?” Is she is wearing the manna-giving Belt of Pancanklehausen in this scene? I have heard it appears during “limo ride” and am guessing she didn’t pair it up with OMG High School Prom Dress 4-Eva.

        To be fair, I wouldn’t kiss either of those filthy apes. Must go heal with my shaman now. Ta.

      • Donkeycam now! says:

        The image of Donks raping that poor dude’s face is truly disturbing.

        My canklehausen is flaring AGAIN.

  64. anon says:

    [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2rzc21k.jpg[/img]

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      WHAT HAS SHE DONE TO HER FACE??????

      YIKES, I am ringing myself!

    • Donkey’s chinplant is the only thing preventing full-on moonface
      [img]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LRGJvQfZv1I/TzUpAk91J-I/AAAAAAAABUI/pH-E8Q-pkf0/s1600/MoonFace.jpg[/img]
      (I know I’m going to hell, & I’ve already bought my table for ten)

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      God, YUCK. I just saw this. She’s trying to squeeze all the filler and it looks like it hurts.

    • Peltergeist says:

      See, this annoys me. She’s totally doing that thing in all movies where the girl comes in from a great date, closes the door, squeals, and slides down the door. If I can tell that from one little screen shot, Donks, YOU ARE A PATHETIC FAKER.

  65. anon says:

    Brave to be showing her makeup-free face on TV. I honestly thought she would be full spackle all day and all night.

    [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/2lvhbhi.jpg[/img]

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      Wow.

    • K_Swizz says:

      WHY ARE HER EYES SO PUFFY?

      She looks like me during the height of allergy season when my eyes are so swollen that they barely open.

      Also, is that a double chin I see?

    • AFGHANI says:

      You probably also would’ve had the discipline and good sense to work out and eat right and sleep so you wouldn’t look terrible when being watched on tv

    • She probably didn’t have time for heavy-duty make-up on blast … isn’t it somewhat of a given that she would sleep in & keep the film crew waiting?

      She sure doesn’t appear to be staying away from all those foods that she insists she has reactions to, if that nostril burrowing into that cheek is any indication …

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Just showed this screenshot to the cathus and asked, ‘do you think the crew hated her?’

      He said, ‘Ooof! Definitely.’

    • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

      Wow. Sugar bloat? Alcohol bloat? What is causing this??

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        Karma.

        • miss cankles says:

          She did blueprint cleanse for fashion week videos that no one but us saw, but wouldn’t lose weight for a national television show? My only explanation is she must have lost her connect at BPC and couldn’t swindle a free juice cleanse out of an LA company because ANYONE would have lost weight to be on the show. Even 15 pounds would have made a huge difference.

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            I bet she was majorly stress eating – didn’t she blow up weight wise before the TMI thing?

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Jinx, yes! She totally did.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        We know she binges on chocolate. She’s also OCD about her alcohol ‘sips’. I bet it’s both.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Bulimia bloat.

        • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

          Ohhhh, I just googled bulimia swollen face … I see.

        • ShesJustStupid says:

          Swelling in the face (specifically of the parotid glands) happens as a natural reaction to self induced vomiting. As your body loses water and becomes dehydrated from purging it fights back and tries to hold on to as much water as it can.

          So most of that swelling you can see around your jaw line and at the sides of your face is water retention in your glands – a result of the glands themselves working to over compensate the loss of fluid elsewhere in the body.

          The appearance of this bulimia face swelling can also be increased when glad tissues become damaged due to the constant attack from stomach acid during episodes of purging.

          There is no denying that the face changes bulimia causes can be very upsetting and confusing.

          Bulimic Face pictures…

          The pictures below show face changes that you would expect to see in someone with bulimia. Can you see the similarities? You may recognise some of these faces from our bulimic celebs article.

          http://www.bulimiahelp.org/articles/celebrities-bulimia

          I always say face swelling is the number 1 sign of bulimia.

          • I’m currently reading that another tell-tale sign of Bulimia is an extraordinary amount of facial hair … hasn’t Donk been known to display werewolf sideburns in the past? And if she’s purging, surely her dentist would notice & maybe try & point her to some helpful resources?

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Chin implant much?

    • Albie Quirky says:

      SANS FARDS, as we say on Dlisted. But still eyepelted, which looks weird without the fards. Oh, Julie.

      • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

        Oops, said the same thing down below. This is just Julia’s interpretation of a “natural” look. Umm, ur doin’ it wrong.

    • Ex Spurt says:

      Oh dear. She looks like she’s built like a brick shithouse.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Wait, you know that “built like a brick shithouse” is supposed to be a compliment, not an insult, right?

        I mean, sure, it’s a gross compliment, but it’s generally said of women who are busty and badonkadonkish, not just Donkish.

        (The metaphor is that the woman is way more “built” [i.e., busty and assy] than her peers, just as a brick outhouse would be extravagantly built.)

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          Than her pears (lol)?

        • Ex Spurt says:

          That’s really interesting, Albie. My background is UK and Australia and it is generally applied to heavy built men and never as a compliment to imply a comely woman. Well, not that I’ve ever heard. And as it seems in the US, it is indeed a compliment, I retract said compliment!

          She looks like she’d be at home working on a building site.

    • JFA says:

      I’m sure she’s still wearing face makeup there. Also I can see her eyelash pelts from here.

    • juliaspublicist says:

      She’s wearing make-up.

    • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

      Pretty sure she’s still wearing fake eyelashes, though.

      • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

        AK Kitty on mahself

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Nah, nah. There is so much cray that nobody can keep up. I am just obsessed with the eyepelts because I think having weaves on your eyes is beyond gross.

    • Peltergeist says:

      I think I have finally figured out what she did to her mouf thanks to this photo! It’s been bugging me forever, because her lips look so weird yet they could technically be natural and it seemed like more than just the veneerth. (I don’t have a good eye for these things.) She got something injected into the inner corners of her top lip, making that area puff out more than a normal lip would. Right? Right???

  66. JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

    “I just saw my shaman for a 90-minute healing. Yes. I have a shaman.”

    No clue, no shame, no morals, but a shaman. Well done Donks, you’re healed!!

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Beat me to it. I’ll see myself out.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Fucking hell, what she needs is a psychiatrist. But she will keep pouring cash into the coffers of grifter after grifter.

      • JFA says:

        Yep. IT’s what dumb people do.

        I watched a good semi-trashy tv documentary about that “The Secret” guy, on like MSNBC or something a few days ago. Bitch literally suffocated people to death in some sort of fire ceremony I am too lazy to look the name up of. These were people who had paid for the super duper special $10K weekend seminar. The best/worst part? Some of the idiots who had been there, STILL, after bitches had died, refused to rule out using his schlocky teachings in the future.

        Again. This is what really dumb, unimaginative, derivative, boring walking cliches do with their time.

        • JFA says:

          Wait, it wasn’t the person who wrote the secret…fuck what stupid ass self-help piece of garbage book did this asshole write?! Anyway. Don’t wanna defame the Secret writer.

          The point was…people will shell out a lot of money for a lot of really fucking stupid things in the interest of “self-help.”

          This is the guy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Arthur_Ray

          • I had a feeling that I knew who & what you were talking about before I even followed that wiki link; I remember when this happened, & sure enough, it’s the same guy. I want to see this documentary.

          • Birthday Chicken says:

            Yes, and some of the people who were at the event said they would go to another talk if he had one. He’s currently in jail, I believe. Not to mention, the guy is the grifter of all grifters, if you have people who almost died at your event still devoted enough to come hear you speak.

          • JFA says:

            Oooh I found it! It was a 20/20 episode called “Deadly Devotion.” It’ll be on Investigation Discovery again on May 19th and May 26th.

            http://investigation.discovery.com/tv-schedules/series.html?paid=141.15379.132655.41264.x

            I live for these fucking crime documentaries. LOVE “48 Hours Hard Evidence” and “48 Hours Mystery” also. I can watch them all day. This guy def had some connection with the Secret though.

        • Powerful Moms with Fantastic Sons (aka Cindy M's Med Cab) says:

          Me, too, JFA. Investigation Discovery is the best channel evah!

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      Peter, this is where your money is going.

      • Who do you think you are? says:

        After reading the psychopathic children NYT article, I can’t help but wonder if the Baughers know and have always known that their daughter is a demon and have simply given up on cures, or even improvement. Unfortunately, it appears that their solution for helping her make her way through the world is to enable her because they know she can’t make it by herself (see: mom writing Donkey’s articles, Dad supporting her financially because she can’t hold down a job). I also believe that the whole forgotten year in Chicago – including the Tribune job – was Pettifogger’s doing and his attempt to get his daughter to straighten out and fly right, which she probably resented because it wasn’t her choice. That she almost (but, really, not even remotely) bagged a McCain during that time must’ve given the Baughers some real hope.

        How do we know that they haven’t been at wit’s end over & over ever since she was a wee hell baby? That they haven’t blamed themselves even more than we have? A Donkey ain’t gonna change her hooves and as embarrassing as this show will no doubt be for the Baughers (whether Donkey was a dick to the crew or not), they may be less surprised than we are at this point. They may even have years of practice steeling themselves against whatever shame she brings on the family.

        (This comment brought to you by the temporarily compassionate Who Do You Think You Are? )

        • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

          I see where you’re coming from, and I think it’s about half true. No doubt Julia’s folks give her some side-eye but I think they’re in deep denial, too. I can’t recall which commenter here crashed Julia’s birthday party where her parents were present. She spoke with Robin Baugher and reported back that Robin clearly has the wool pulled over her eyes. Maybe willfully, I don’t know. But that was also a couple years ago or more, so a lot could’ve changed.

          I had a near-fatal illness as a child and consequently, my parents let me get away with a lot. Luckily, I’m naturally like an anti-rebel so it’s not like I just went crazy with drugs and alcohol. But I think the fact that I lived made my parents just kinda throw their hands up and go, “We’re just happy she’s alive. So what if she totaled our car against a weight bearing column of our house.” I think something of this mentality is at play with Julia. The origin of the mentality is a mystery but I’d bet the family farm her folks are way more indulgent with her than they are were Britt.

          • I still speculate that as a baby burra she was left in a hot car for many hours & so the brain damage & arrested development are expected & tolerated out of guilt & necessity — yeah, the GU diploma purchase was a failed investment in an M.R.S. degree but they still hold out hope that she’ll land a wallet to take care of her in the long-term.

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      No shame in havin’ a shaman! Oh, wait. Yes, there is. Oh how there is.

  67. Worrisome Pelts says:

    @JuliaAllison
    I just saw my shaman for a 90-minute healing. Yes. I have a shaman.
    1 hour ago

    Let’s hope he was able to heal all that inflammation in her chin(s) because that thing is about to eat Tokyo.

    Also: DONKEY

  68. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    Um, whut?

    JuliaAllison: Why aren’t any journalists covering Facebook’s IPO?!? It’s like people don’t care at all.
    2:29 AM – 17 May 12

    • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

      What internet are you reading Donks? Because it’s all over mine.

      Idiot.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Is she smoking crack? Everybody, ESPECIALLY journalists, is talking about it.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        Google News returns — no kidding — 240,000 results for “Facebook IPO.”

        Is this some psychotic reaction to Randi’s stock windfall?

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          I think that was her lame attempt at sarcasm. Ha ha ho ho tee hee ha ha LOL LOL.

  69. Andy Whorehol says:

    I’m blown away over her boring, bland dark-colored clothing she’s seen wearing in this show. What happened to all the bright colors and piiiiink costumes she’s known for? Did she deliberately want to be another character for the show? Is she playing the role of the grungy, husky-voiced confident chick who “doesn’t need” to rock her usual Blair Waldorf/Baby Jane-esque costumes?
    I don’t get it. If she’d gone with the tutu-wearing princessy loon approach of her former self she might have actually made for compelling reality TV; now she’s just another boring plain jane in this trio.
    Maybe she thought wearing dark colors would make her appear slimmer on television. Nice try, Ex-Lax.

    Speaking of boring, all three of these chicks blend together for me looks/behaviorwise. If I didn’t know any of them I wouldn’t even bother watching this shitfest because it makes “The Bachelor/ette” look like “Masterpiece Theater”.
    All three of these harpies are generic/neurotic brunette white chicks. At least throw a bleached blonde or ethnic female into the mix. How awesome this show would’ve been had they put the likes of Tanisha from “Bad Girls Club” or New York from “Flavor of Love” on a show like this: now *that* is entertainment!

    • Birthday Chicken says:

      I miss New York’s show when she tried the different jobs. She was hilarious!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      She was not happy with her weight and so she’s trying to hide it by wearing black, I am guessing.

      You know, she packed on the pounds when she was trying to get NonSociety off the ground, too. When you watch those videos chronologically you can see her getting puffier and puffier. Four years later, and she did it prior to her much-longed-for reality show too. She must eat her face off when she’s stressed out, but Jesus, lady, is there no discipline? Exercise religiously and cut out the freaking multiple bars of chocolate when you know you’re going in front of the cameras for weeks. Not rocket science. She constantly self-sabotages.

      • Donkey of Perdition says:

        [img]http://tvyoumyonlyfriend.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/fat-betty-draper-7.jpg?w=306[/img]

      • Donkey of Perdition says:

        [img]http://tvyoumyonlyfriend.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/fat-betty-draper-8.jpg?w=670[/img]

      • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

        I think it’s hilarious that people are still under the impression that black is slimming. I first read something to the contrary in Suzanne Farrell’s autobiography (the famous Balanchine ballet dancer) and she said this is a huge misconception — light colors are actually slimming because you can see depth and shadows. Black makes people look like one huge broad block. The only slimming effect is if you pair it with a lighter color so that your eye is drawn away from whatever problem area is swathed in black.

        Paging Fashion Girl and hoping she’ll agree.

        Julia, get a stylist.

  70. Birthday Chicken says:

    OT: Does anyone think Alice was offered money to sell GOMI? She’s talking about scaling back on her day job to offer more time to GOMI. I would think she’s either making a lot of money in order to do that or has been offered something and is trying to improve it.

    • fail whale at the Pizzagallery Toto says:

      i didn’t interpret it that way. it sounds to me like she might just increase ads to bring in a little extra cash. who would buy GOMI? (not saying its not worth anything, i just dont know who would buy it?)

      • Birthday Chicken says:

        I don’t know who would buy it, either, but it is worth something, for sure. Look at the traffic, members, forums. I’m not versed in website usage or why someone would want it, but I’m sure someone who’s into that would find a way to use it to their advantage.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      The ads seem to be from fancier/bigger advertisers lately. Hope it’s all working for her financially.

  71. mule on woos says:

    Just for fun, let’s reach into the old video vault, shall we? Ooooh, here’s a good one from SXSW 2008! It has everything a basement-dwelling hater could want from a drunkass* Julia Allison performance:

    + redonkulous getup – cheerleader skirt, wrist testicle and suede hip waders

    + braying for attention – your ears may bleed

    + cultural mockery and/or racism – This is my pimp walk, man. It’s like, yo. Bonus: possible attempt at a gang sign.

    + general assholery – strut-walking down a busy sidewalk, jumping up and down to make her cutlets jiggle

    + bitch please looks – oh yeah, and many eyes averted

    + short duration – 29 seconds (It’s the first time I ever made it through one!)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnKe_i5BwU0

    * she may only be drunk off her own imagined hotness, but I doubt it

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      Yes, way too many sips of her imagined hotness.

  72. Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

    Look who’s up an additional 3,000 followers on Twitter over night. So that’s 10,000 more followers in five nights. Hope every body loves Cheesy Scheme Skillets!

  73. ainol elf says:

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