In the Wake of Loss, Julia Allison Deserves A Softer, Kinder Approach

Since rehab is teaching me this how to be a better person bullshit, I’d like to try something new, wherein I attempt, as best as I can with each post I write, to genuinely encourage Julia Allison to do better, be better and live better in hopes that she finally, FINALLY hears amidst the din of fatties Elizabeth Gilbert-esque nuggets of wisdom that help her become a better person. Gone are the days of immutable cynicism, of making fun of her potato face or her relentless and admirable quest to find love in a husband, nay, partner who can fulfill her material and spiritual needs. We all deserve happiness, in whatever form we desire, despite our transgressions. Julia Allison is no different, and I want to help her achieve her dreams and lead her on a path to discover life’s boundless possibilities.

Julia, if you’re out there, I want to express my sincere condolences for the peace-ing out of your meemaw. She was clearly a source of inspiration and wisdom for you, and I just want you to know that she will continue to be your source of strength, even as her soul finds eternal happiness in God’s loving arms.

The dash-loving shut-in Emily Dickenson wrote, “Unable are the loved to die.  For love is immortality.” With those words lies a calm and comforting truth. And I hope those words inspire you to celebrate the life of someone so dear to you. Remember that, even though her spirit is no longer of this realm, she lives within you in wisdom and in memory.

Now is not the time for sorrow, nor is it the time for mourning. The passing of your grandmother is an opportunity for joy and reflection. Her soul has found peace, and her legacy can be found in the hearts of those who loved her.

Do not grieve for your grandmother, for now is not the time for grieving.

And now is especially not the time for grieving on the internet.

This is a photo of me holding my Grandmother’s hand in the hospice, the last time I saw her alive, a few weeks ago. My grandmother always used to say to me – when I was frantically worrying about some idiot guy or what I was going to do with my career or where I would live or whether my life would EVER work out – “Julia, darling, you must simply *let it unfold*.”

It wasn’t her only wise aphorism, but it was the one that struck most deeply. For all the planning, all the anxiety, all of the nonsense … sometimes the only thing to do is just relax … and let our lives unfold.

So, despite the fact that she would have been horrified at the idea, a few years ago I tattooed the acronym on my wrist.

LIU: Let it Unfold

— with Grandmother Marilyn.

Dearest Julia, while the sentiment is appreciated, its medium is unbecoming. I certainly understand the need to commemorate and express grief, but broadcasting it to tens of thousands of bought-for people in a bunch of Asian countries nobody cares about seems less like an expression of emotion and more like a disingenuous plea for empty sympathy.

Do you really think that Sivaruban Theshinamoorthy of Puchong really cares that your nana kicked it after a long and privileged life? I’d venture to guess that, if you sincerely thought about it and pushed aside the me-me-me that bounces around in your head, you would arrive at the conclusion that he doesn’t.

But using Facebook and Twitter to goad complete strangers for sympathy for a situation that practically everyone will eventually go through, and acting like you are the only person in the history of the human race who has had a grandparent who was older than Methuselah bite it, well. . . it’s OK. It’s understandable.

When we experience loss, it’s only natural that we gravitate toward what’s comfortable. And for you, your natural inclination is to be a narcissistic heehawing asshole whose primary source of comfort is seeking sympathy, validation and praise online. You are going through a difficult time, and I don’t expect you to immediately change your behavior in the midst of what seems to be an insurmountable tragedy. Feel free to continue to be a selfish, insufferable hosebeast who uses the death of a loved one to reaffirm the notion that you are adored. It’s perfectly all right. It’s what you know.

If imagining that people all over the world, particularly in Uzbekistan, are dropping everything to rush to the computer to express their condolences brings you comfort, then I hope you find the comfort that you seek. Feel free to broadcast tweets and Facebook updates like these, if it helps you get through this difficult time wherein the entire world needs to stop to acknowledge that your gran gran can scratch “die of old age” off her bucket list.

My beloved grandmother passed away quietly in her sleep tonight. Words fail me. She was everything. http://pic.twitter.com/ZPAZqYbj

My Grandmother, with her five grandchildren – four boys – and me. She was the most loving human being I have ever met. http://pic.twitter.com/GryLltEK

Thank you to all who have said kind things to me about my beautiful Grandmother, and to my @JuliaPriceMusic, who brought me chocolate.

I never had to be anything but exactly what I was for my grandmother to love me.

My grandmother brightened every room. I never saw her in a bad mood. Not once. Here she is playing piano at 85. https://vimeo.com/14150507

This is a portrait of my Grandmother Marilyn in her early twenties. She was just … so, so beautiful. http://pic.twitter.com/QjCotaWq

@KatrinaSzish – Thank you, sweetheart. That means so much to me. You both would have bonded over fashion! She adored DVF & Lilly Pulitzer!

You don’t really know how much someone has shaped you until you think about what your life would have been like had they not come into it. [Ed. Note: Me, me, me, me, me, me]

All the time. RT @katielewisphoto: @JuliaAllison – do you ever wish you could have known your grandparents or parents at that age?

And finally. . .

The thing about missing someone is that it doesn’t go away, even when the shock of them not being there does.

Not that that’s gone away, either. I have my Grandmother on my iPhone’s speed dial, and I keep wanting to just ring her up, just to hear the way her voice sounded when she said “Julia!!” as if nothing could thrill her more than me calling her up. How many other people sound that overjoyed when I call? Let me tell you: no one.

I’ve saved her voicemails, so I could play them back over … How can it be that she’ll never leave a new one? How can it be over?

These are the things I think about as I try to fall asleep tonight …

I hope broadcasting your unimaginable loss to the masses has helped you move on. From what I can see, apparently it has.

Obvs, playa. Get your tiara ready. RT @BenjLerer: @JuliaAllison yo lady. we hanging out at the webuatant thing?? miss ya

I find it admirable that you have almost instantaneously been able to pick up your pelts and move on from such a terrible tragedy that has affected you and only you.

But I’d like to advise you on proper decorum for broadcasting such deeply personal information. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you that you are the star of what will undoubtedly be a critically acclaimed and highly rated reality show. (Bravo’s Miss Advised, premiering this fall, lest you forget.) You are about to achieve the fame that you desire, the fame you have repeatedly told yourself you deserve, the fame that should be granted to you after the most minimal of effort on your part.  You are about to be a genuine celebrity, not just internet famous, but an actual celebrated figure of the likes of Cathy of the comic Cathy or Lorena Bobbit. With that elevation of stature comes the need to become an enigma.

Manically broadcasting every detail of your personal life, particularly the death of a loved one is frowned upon in respected celebrity circles. A simple one or two sentence statement released by a publicist that asks for privacy during this difficult time would suffice. In fact, the less you say about the croaking of Grammers the better. It will garner even more sympathy, and, even better, more admiration.

After your hotly anticipated reality show premieres, you will be rocketed to fame. Someday soon, plebians will be clamoring for a piece of you. The less you give them, the more they will want.

There will be a day in the near future where you will be paid a substantial fee of a couple of dollars and some free samples of lube to show up at places like Papi Culos, a gay bar that caters to limp-wristed Latin men, where you will both judge and win a Julia Allison lookalike drag contest. Fey Puerto Ricans will be worshiping at the altar of You, crying “¡Ay, Mamacita! You are something fierce!”

And why will they do this? Because they want to solve the riddle of You. But there will be no riddle to solve if you keep on acting like a professional Sicilian mourner and continue to air such personal things on such impersonal mediums.

Leave something about you to the imagination. Create the image of a stoic who grieves quietly and gracefully. It will work out better for you in the long run. People will love you more. The greater admiration for you will give your grandmother’s death greater meaning.

I hope this advice helps. I am sure you feel that you will never be able to overcome the sadness of your loss. The grief you are sharing on the internet would be better shared with a qualified mental health professional who can help you through this difficult time. In fact, I was just talking to my friend who does publicity for Bravo about therapists who specialize in narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder. (It just randomly came up.) She told me about this place on Venice Blvd that helps people overcome their tendency to be a self-centered, attention-seeking cuntrocket. Perhaps, you can give them a call after live-tweeting the funeral!

P.S. Your dead grandfather called. He’s wondering when he’s going to get the same amount of overdramatic attention.

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317 Responses to In the Wake of Loss, Julia Allison Deserves A Softer, Kinder Approach

  1. Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

    AMAZEBALLS! I love it! The “PS” is great – I’m guessing Grandpa was not Tiny and Cute, nor did he posses a wallet for a Donkey to get her hooves on!

  2. Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

    PS JP, wishing you lots of strength on your journey! You’re an inspiration, I mean it.

  3. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    BRAVO! #ad

  4. Stripper Shoes at a Funeral says:

    Magnum opus.

    • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

      I had to read it twice to take in the vast amazing-ness. JP, you’re a treasure.

  5. Joardache & the Pelts says:

    Bravo. Brilliant. i’m relieved that recovery hasn’t sapped your wit

    • Sick Whip says:

      My friends in recovery are much funnier now that they can see and think more clearly – their observations are especially spot-on. It’s a real joy to see the contrast.

  6. Dr. Gary says:

    One of your best posts, ever, JP.

  7. Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

    Wild applause! Standing ovations! Wipes away a tear.

  8. Meow Mix says:

    “P.S. Your dead grandfather called. He’s wondering when he’s going to get the same amount of overdramatic attention.”
    Ohhhhhhhhh SNAP. What a closing line, JP!

  9. Worthless Bag of Ho says:

    Bravo!!

  10. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    “You don’t really know how much someone has shaped you until you think about what your life would have been like had they not come into it.”

    Granny didn’t come into your life, idiot, you came into hers. Solipsistic Donkey is solipsistic. EVERYTHING is about her.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      Or maybe I mean egocentric. Whatever, she has some kind of disorder that taints her logic.

      Also, good post, JP. There is actually so much excellent advice there for Donkey, but she would only see the snark.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      No, no, GMB’$ came into Donkey’s life! She just got here first so that spheshul Donkey could keep her waiting, like an intern in a lobby, as was meant to be …

  11. Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

    Thank you, JP. Yes, bad things like dead grandparents can happen to you. But I can still judge you if you handle the situation in an immature, shitty way in totally inappropriate forums like Twitter and Facebook.

    Also, best wishes for your recovery.

  12. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    A blazing tour de force, JP. My truest, best thoughts and prayers for what you’re working on in your life now.

  13. This one is a no boner says:

    Oh shut the fuck up! A journey? Get a fucking clue. This whole site has been about advice for this below average nobody. She has NEVER taken anything you smart commenters haves said to heart. Get the fuck outta here. I grew up I. Austin, and you’ve now just become a fucking Austin cliche. Take this advice: your journey is not get journey. She would cut you in an instant. Are you our of your mind? You told us about your HIV scare, devastating obviously… Thats where you fucked up. She emailed you didn’t she? Dude you’re just another PP. peace douches.

  14. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    Bravo. (no pun intended)

  15. Julia's Old Nose says:

    That was really well written, JP, and very wise. The death of a family member is something that’s incredibly difficult — I lost my dad (cancer) and my grandmother (broke her hip, never recovered) within a few months of each other. My mom’s best friend just lost her sister, who was 50. Death is everywhere. It sucks, it’s painful, and it actually takes years to process the untimely death of a parent or sibling. It doesn’t happen in a day.

    But grandparents who have been sick for a while or in hospice? DONKEY… It’s not about you. It’s When a grandparent passes, it’s about celebrating the fact that they’re in a better place, they lived an awesome and full life, and that you got to have that person around while you grew up to give you love, affection, and wisdom.

    Be there for your parents. Be there for your family. Make it not about you.

    That’s what makes the stream of Tweets and that horrible Facebook post so… gross. If’ Julia’s grandmother would have been appalled at the tacky Long Island University tattoo on her wrist, would she want her passing plastered everywhere on Twitter, solely for the purpose of her granddaughter having reaffirmation on social media that all will be okay? Ugh.

    • virgil reid says:

      i think this is my whole probably and why i’m actually in a certain amount of shock and disgust and think this is actually the lowest she has ever sunk.

      i would never DREAM of broadcasting my grandmother’s death like this all over facebook and twitter. once was enough, but i feel like this performance of grieving is more about she’s mourning the last person who let her do whatever she wanted and indulged her. no offense to granny, but that’s what grandparents usually do.

      this is just grossing me out on another level i didn’t even think i could be grossed out by. and chocolate? really? you tweet about eating fucking chocolate when someone dies? she’s just vile, like beyond vile.

    • Rebecca of Donkeybrook Ashram says:

      So very much this. I was surprised at how long it took my father to recover from his mother’s passing when she was nearly 90, and we all knew it was coming. It is never easy to re-orient yourself after losing someone who has been your parent for 50+ years. It was strange to see a parent grieve for a parent and I learned how much we needed to come together FOR HIM, not just ourselves.

      • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

        I know. My grandmother is 90 and oddly had a death rattle scare the same night that NGMB kicked it. Every time there is a scare like that I don’t really think about my grandmother. I think about how hard it will be on my mom who takes care of her and what I could do to be there for her. Same with my aunts (3 died last year on my father’s side), all I was really concerned about was how my father was feeling considering people in his generation suddenly started dropping like flies.

        • boredm says:

          I agree – this is the part I comprehend the least. My grandmother passed away last November, and she lived in another city than myself and my parents. My mom essentially had to be solely responsible for the arrangements, my brother was too emotional to actually be helpful, and I just couldn’t imagine my mom being by herself figuring out all these arrangements for her mom. My heart broke for her, so I dropped everything to just be there with her. Wasn’t really sure what I could do to be helpful, but at least she wasn’t alone. And I think my grandmother would’ve been really happy that if nothing else, her daughter had someone with her. Because at the end of the day, as sad as I was that my grandmother died, it was my mom’s mom…and I can’t imagine that.

  16. Can-Swiss says:

    As everyone has already done the whole Bravo thing, I’ll go with a less witty: Well done sir, well done.

  17. Life Is Unfair says:

    I. Kant. Believe. This.

    It may be time for a new screen name.

  18. Cake Liar says:

    BEST. POST. EVER. :-D

    I started reading this and (now don’t be offended, I’ve worked in addictions for almost a decade now) I thought “fuck sake, who the fick has given JP a One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest lobotomy, what kind of cunting rehab is he in!” Then I Let It Unfold and haven’t wiped the grin off my face yet :-)

    You are a genius and I think you and Jacy are wonderful. A braver person is the one who goes to rehab – we could all have done with it at some point in our lives! :-)

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      I’m glad you said “Let it Unfold.” I wanted to honor her with a written example of her most sage-y advice.

  19. ShesJustStupid says:

    Grandma’s funeral isn’t until June 2???? That’s weird.

  20. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    Oh, Jesus Fucking Christ, keep this shit to yourself:

    Listening to one of my Grandmother’s favorite composers, headed to hike Runyon with @Lillydog, heart heavy.

    • Donkeycam now! says:

      Would that be Bach by any chance?

      #nevahforget

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      I wonder which composer it is.

      Bach?
      Vivaldi?
      Verdi?
      Lydia Lunch?

      THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW.

      • Stripper Shoes at a Waspy Wake With Lilly Pulitzer and DVF says:

        She’s actually listening to “We Are Young” or whatever that dumb song is that glorifies girlfriend-beatings in its first stanza.

      • Joardache & the Pelts says:

        Little orphans running through the bloody snow…

      • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

        My (fuck you) money’s on the Revolting Cocks.

        • Worrisome Pelts says:

          She cringes just thinking about Cocks.

          • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

            Nonsense! She does by means of association: cock = (big) wallet = lots of spit & using both hands = SHOES!

          • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

            Oops, I messed that post up! I should never go on RBD when drink. And on a plane.

    • CaptainGary says:

      Hiking to Meemaw’s favorite composer? Talk about sweatin’ to the oldies! Hey-o!

      I’ll be here all week – try the pepper steak.

      Oh, and – brilliant post, JP.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Funny how Donkey isn’t posting anything about how her family is coping with this. Her dad is planning a funeral right now. See, a normal person wouldn’t tweet about this private stuff because that’s cunty and trashy thing to do, but obviously that’s not why Donkey is mum. Donkey is quiet on this because it doesn’t occur to her that this event touches others a bit more closely than it does her, and if it did occur to her, she wouldn’t care.

      She was inside.

    • Donksers says:

      It’s a good thing Julia has never had a real job or real adult responsibilities. There is no way she’d be able to cope with life’s problems if she didn’t have the luxury of unlimited free time to hike, sleep, google, tweet, sleep, tweet, google, hike, post pictures of herself, and listen to Bach. Every single time she hits a rough spot, she acts like she’s SO BURDENED…in fact, the only person to ever be burdened, not having any clue as to how very easy she’s got it.

    • LetItExplode says:

      oh wow I hiked Runyon yesterday. What luck that I didn’t go today instead.

      • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

        #slidingdoorsmoment

      • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

        @Donksers, so true- she’s such an entitled layabout with no responsibilities and endless free time. Which is why this part of the advice..

        “sometimes the only thing to do is just relax … and let our lives unfold.”

        ..strikes me as funny- could she be more relaxed? She seems on permanent vacation. Maybe, possibly, this is actually the worst advice to give to someone as unmotivated and lazy as JB.

        • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

          She is often bored, never relaxed. That’s why she is constantly creating drama. Textbook sociopathy.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Why the fuck would she drive all the way from Marina del Rey to hike Runyon Canyon, when she’s *literally* living right next to the beach?

      If I lived next to the beach, I’d walk/jog/bike along the beach. Not drive a 1/2 hour+ across town to hike a trendy, played out, Hollywood wannabe, dog poop-filled hiking spot.

      Maybe she’s stalking Toph again?

      • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

        I think it’s great. Burn up the mileage on that leased car, attagirl! Why not drive a half-hour across town to hike, eschewing that nearby beach full of nobodies?

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          I’m sure that FlapJack is keeping the helos up in the air over Marin yel Bray & it’s all just too, too much for a donkey to process …

          #YooHoo, Toph!_Over HERE!

      • CaptainGary says:

        Or fucking bike up the path to Palisades and go to Temescal – that’s a great park. But no, it’s not the Runyon scene and therefore…so lame.

  21. Donkeycam now! says:

    “You will be paid a substantial fee of a couple of dollars and some free samples of lube to show up at places like Papi Culos”.

    Pure brilliance!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      MY FAVE: “…you will both judge and win a Julia Allison lookalike drag contest.”

    • Julie Booger Is Miss Advised Bravo Miss Advised Andy Cohen Miss Advised Miss Advised says:

      I lost my shit at “condolences for the peace-ing out of your meemaw” and may never fully recover. This post is a thing of beauty on so many levels.

      • Who do you think you are? says:

        Same. I had to pause and compose myself before I could press on.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        That is exactly where I burst out into peals laughter on the bus. And then couldn’t stop as I read the rest of the post.

  22. Stripper Shoes at a Waspy Wake With Lilly Pulitzer and DVF says:

    I for one hope that Julia never ever grows into a decent, respectable, adult member of the human race, not that it has even a remote chance of happening.

    NEVAH CHANGE, JULIER!!!! I love you just the way you are!!!

    • Princess WideStance says:

      Yeah, when people are like “Donkey hit the learn button! Get off the internet!” I’m like… no. I like things the way they are.

  23. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot. says:

    I know I’m going to go to hell for this, but will some good photoshopper (Worrisome Pelts?) please change Julia’s arm/hand into a furry leg/hoof.

    Already laughing in anticipation,
    BeepBeep

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      I don’t have the heart to, but that won’t stop me from laughing if someone else does.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      And could the tattoo read “Fail?” It’s what I swear I keep seeing!

      Miss Advised #ad

      • krakenskulls says:

        Survey says, fail.
        [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/2ms2b1w.jpg[/img]

        • CDB says:

          where is the i? i see LFU…. which could be Lilly, F U

          or Losing Face Unequivocally etc etc

          • KS says:

            the “i” mainline is blended with the “l”. have you seen a “l” with a dot atop it?

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

          Haha that tattoo is indeed an ambigram. Hilarious.[img]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9b/Wave-particle.jpg[/img]

  24. Cut. Don't use that. says:

    What are you in rehab for, JP?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      He OD-ed on awesomeness.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        He’ll need way more than 12 steps to treat that. Can I bet that he’ll never even get a 24-hour AA (Awesome-holics Anonymous) token?

      • juliaspublicist says:

        Ha!

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      This and that. It’s all very stuff.

      • krakenskulls says:

        It’s always annoying when people insist on knowing what your DOC is… It’s like oh, maybe we can be friends if we share the same taste in getting fucked up. I ran out of room on the fucking intake questionnaire and I ran out of patience when I had to keeping EXPLAINING what my real DOC was (you can’t get it anymore). To me I don’t understand how people could just like one thing.

        They call us garbage cans but to me it was “poly” until i just started saying “I’m KS and I’m sober.”

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          There’s always, “Name some more.”

        • Expiration date's expiration date (PP) says:

          I’ve heard people say in meetings that their DOC was “more.” For me, it was always the one I kept coming back to and couldn’t stop; the others were just side dishes for variety that I really could (and did) stop on my own.

      • Worthless Bag of Ho says:

        ha! I LOVE you!

    • Donkeycam Now! says:

      Canklehausen, of course.

  25. Meow Mix says:

    I try hard not to judge others’ grieving processes, but this is Donkey we’re talking about.

    At first I was like, “Why the fuck isn’t she in Chicago helping her family plan the funeral??”

    But then it dawned on me. Her family, deluded as they are, probably don’t want her around right now. “No, bunny, don’t worry. Just come home for the wake and funeral, we know how busy you are in LA!” Can you imagine her caterwauling around her parents’ lake house, making her grandma’s death all about her? She’d be no help at all, stress everyone out, and make every moment all about herself.

    Anyone who has NPD/other personality disordered people in the family knows that this is how it happens when someone dies. It doesn’t matter how tangentially related they were to the deceased, the entire death is ALL ABOUT THEM. How THEY feel. How important the person was to THEM. In my experience, NPD bitches secretly thrive on tragedy and death, as it’s a way to get attention without most people questioning it, because a lot of normal people feel guilty questioning how someone else is handling a death.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Absolutely.

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      For that reason, I’m sure Tiny and Cute Julia was dreading this moment. The sympathy she feels for a donkey is probably outweighed by feeling miserable for herself about how she’ll have to listen to random howling and swells of classical music from Donk’s bedroom at 2 AM for weeks to come.

  26. Dr. Gary says:

    This picture is making me ill. You can tell Julie posed her arm in a way to really show off her stupid tattoo. I bet her grandmother was asleep and had no idea she was even taking this photo.

    Julia Allison: you are VILE.

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      You and I think alike Dr. Gary.

    • LetItExplode says:

      I thought the exact same thing. Plus her arm is so discolored and weak. This woman seems like she lived her life with a great deal of decorum and dignity. Hard for me to imagine her enjoying this.

      • sausage curls/fingers says:

        Of the three grandparents I’ve lost, I only ever saw my paternal grandfather laying sick in his hospital bed. It was so heart wrenching to see him that way. I can’t even imagine being so into myself where I’d look at him and think of the most poetic way to stage a shot of it for the internet.

  27. anon says:

    She’s not going home until the funeral, which is in three weeks…

    Scrunch ‏ @jessie_scrunch
    @JuliaAllison Are you gonna go home? Sorry for your family’s loss

    Julia Allison ‏ @JuliaAllison
    @jessie_scrunch – the funeral is June 2, so I will go home then, yes.
    1:01 PM – 10 May 12 via Echofon · Details

    • CaptainGary says:

      I’m calling it right now – OK, wait until the second hand passes the five – right NOW: there’s a “How dare you?” or a “Who do you think you are??” coming very, very soon.

      • Who do you think you are? says:

        *sigh*

        I was hoping I wouldn’t be rung in this time of grief, but you probably speak the truth, CG.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I agree. You can sense the hostility in that reply. WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS, DEAREST???!??! even though she’s Tweeting the crap out of it to thousands of strangers.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Wow, three weeks seems like a long time from now for a funeral. I’m use to funerals which happen within a week.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        Do you think Julie pitched a hissy fit and forced the family to delay the funeral to accommodate her schedule? Wouldn’t surprise me in the least.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          No. I think they’re waiting on someone important to finish something, or someone to get back in the country, or they’re all so cheap that they built in a 21-day advance airfare purchase window … the only way this seems to be about Donkey is the extent to which she is carrying it.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I think the cousins and the rest of the family are far flung. I know there’s some in Montreal, for example, and an aunt in Mississippi maybe? Maybe kids are travelling and that’s as soon as they can get everyone together. When my father passed, he wanted to be cremated right away, but we had to wait for a couple of weeks to actually have the memorial service due to travelling relatives/close friends.

      • Grammarian says:

        obvs not jews

    • melting marionette says:

      she’s not going home earlier to support her family? sheesh.

    • It dawns on me that the delay in GMB’$ service probably has more to do w/ when Aunt V. (& maybe some of the grandsons) can come in for an extended stay, taking time to clear out GMB’$ house, settle her estate, etc.

      Donkey wouldn’t even help Mom$er on her own dad’s house & it’s a safe bet that Mom$er isn’t going to do it all herself for a woman who spent 30 years snubbing her; also, the aunt has probably mandated that sticky-hooves Donkey not be allowed in there w/out supervision before the vintage tennis skirts are inventoried & tagged.

      It’s hard to believe that Donkey is so proud of her parents remaining married when what really lies under the surface is one huge fucked up family dynamic.

      • Donksers says:

        “It’s hard to believe that Donkey is so proud of her parents remaining married when what really lies under the surface is one huge fucked up family dynamic.”

        Yes! That’s exactly what I think every time she starts going on about her perfect family in their perfect matching outfits in their perfectly posed pictures, in their perfectly sterile Lakeside Holibray Inn. She’s more than proud that Robin and Pettifogger are still married; she’s actually arrogant about it. Image is all that matters to her…nevermind what’s going on behind the scenes. And damn, I’d LOVE to know what the deal was with Robin and Granny. Thirty years!

  28. txgirl says:

    I have to say that my favorite part was this: “You are about to be a genuine celebrity, not just internet famous, but an actual celebrated figure of the likes of Cathy of the comic Cathy or Lorena Bobbit. ” So freaking funny.

  29. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    I want everyone to think about the picture. I mean really think about it. A few thoughts, about which I am completely right:

    1. The accompanying text is obviously planned ahead. She knew her abuela was gonna kick it, so she took the picture so she go be so ready to run to the internet to write that Let it Unfold bullshit when the time came. This is premeditated grieving. Think about it.

    2. Julia took her dying grandmother’s hand and purposefully positioned her hand in such a manner that would show her tattoo. Any normal person sitting by a dying person’s bedside would have put their hand on top of MeeMaw’s hand and held it. Julia Allison POSED FOR A DEATHBED PICTURE! THINK ABOUT IT!

    3. Granny was most likely asleep. Julia took this picture of her dying grandmother while her grandmother was unconscious and dying, all so she could have something to post on the internet later for sympathy. THINK ABOUT IT!

    • 11th wang says:

      Ew.

    • Joardache & the Pelts says:

      That shot is some unabashed exploitism. Julia is foul. I’ve been weighing out of RBNS NGMG vigil because I’ve spent a number of years and much time in “hospice” (I still doubt Julia comprehends what that means…) with my grandparents. Julia is shameless and will get her rot.

    • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

      Yeah, I immediately thought all this because she herself said granny would have been horrified at her tattoo. This means the old girl was hopefully napping or “in and out” but that photo is shudder inducing.

      • LetItExplode says:

        YES. My grandmother would be mortified if I posted a picture of her withering arm on the Internet. It’s possible Julia’s grandma didn’t care but I highly DOUBT it would have dawned on her to consider her feelings.

        • CDB says:

          I like the use of the word “mortified” I see what you did there

        • Jon "Sliding Doors" Favreau says:

          Yeah, but you’re also not a complete sociopath that thought at some point during the time your grandparents were in hospice “hmm I should blog this”.

          To think that she degraded NGMB makes me sick to my stomach. And the fact that she’s carrying on about how this death is affecting HER versus Pettyfogger who lost his mother is fucking absurd.

          Sunday is Mother’s Day and I wish I could go to the distant place my parents live to be with my mother, because even though she lost her mom three years ago, I know this day is hard for her. And I want to be there for her. To help her remember wonderful times she had with her mother and let her know that we all miss her.

          Fucking Donkey. She is such a fucking hole of a person, a shitstain on the Baugher family.

          I will never the donkey.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Yep, exactly all that crossed my mind too, when I finally saw the fauxto.

    • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

      You should add this to the body of the post. That is some major league fucked up shit right there. I don’t even know what to say. I can’t even make a donkey pun. It’s seriously so fucking… awful.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      What really bothers me about it is that palm-up wouldn’t be at all an unusual position for a patient’s hand & arm to be in (IV access, etc) & Donkey would not at all be above repositioning her frail & infirm granny, to hell w/ needles in her arm, just to get a contrived fauxto.

      I kinda wish Aunt Vickie would take her down at the funeral …

      • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

        Palm up might happen, but no one holds anyone’s hand like this. It is completely contrived for the purpose of a photo. Take a moment and actually put someone’s hand in yours as shown in the photo…*literally*…and you will see just how unnatural it is to have all your fingers and thumb together like this. Thumbs intertwine when you hold hands, but that just would be as great a photo op, now would it.

    • Donksers says:

      “Premeditated grieving” for Twitter and Facebook purposes. She’s disgusting. I’m sure she picked out the family’s matching mourning outfits weeks ago, too.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        Waiting with baited breath for the slutty funeral costume.

        • Stripper Shoes at a Funeral says:

          You rang?!

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Oh, God, I had blocked this from my mind. Do you think it will feature the horrible ill-fitting black skirt that looks like a sofa and the giant black plastic jewelry (both seen at the Bloomingdales fashion event for geeks worn with the bright green silk blouse)? And the ridiculous fake YSL clompers, of course.

        • Learned Paw says:

          Maybe she will bring back the Elvira dress! That would be a real treat.

        • Stinky Velour Couture says:

          you rang?

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      I thought about it; I will now cheerfully attach my [commenter] name to anything I’ve tipped you to. I’d offer my real name, but that would prevent me from sharing this:

      Which soon-to-be reality ‘star’ is about to get a dose of a different kind of reality? A rep for her network has feelers out to entertainment writers known to despise this ‘talent.’ Any publicity is good publicity, as long as you aren’t the one being eviscerated…or ignored.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        OK, so that’s weird, because someone emailed us the other day asking where I could find some of her more awful lipdubs since she took them all private on Vimeo. My spidey sense went off and I am sure it was someone from Bravo. Absolutely certain of it.

        So if any of you ever saved that horrifying chairlift lip dub when she thrusts her tits at her father, please please please email it to me, and I will get it to whoever this was/is.

        Because that lunacy needs a broader audience. Also — they are SO onto her.

        • pearipathetic donkey says:

          Wonderful!

        • Worrisome Pelts says:

          The would-be reality starlet in my item was so hung up on the draconian in perpetuity throughout the universe nature of the clauses dealing with her future earnings that she may not have paid attention to the ones about publicity. She’ll see the hate train coming, but she won’t be able to jump off the track. Not without breeching her contract, anyway.

          All aboard!

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            So what you mean is, the starlet in your item was simply concerned about the money and making as much as possible, and paid short shrift to how they might make her look, and is now fucked in that regard?

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            Oh, my god, LOVING THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVING.

            Miss Advised #ad

          • Worrisome Pelts says:

            Long-term thinking is not her specialty.

            Also? A girl can deny the existence of unflattering Polaroids once she’s destroyed them; the Internet is forever.

            Check your email, Mama Jacy.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Thinking of any sort is not her specialty.

            Thank you, Worrisome dear, you are making this the very best Craymas ever! God bless us, every one!

          • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

            WP, have I ever told you how attractive I find you? Especially when bestowing gifts upon us? “No, no, huscat, I’m not flirting with felines online. Honest.”

            (caught again!)

          • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

            Anyone writing about this “talent” is obviously going to write about unicorn fairy dust with sprinkles on top. It will be pure magical literary literature.

        • Dr. Gary says:

          Hey, Mommy? Which email would a cat lady use if she thought she had something you might want to see?

    • Tonyamichaela says:

      I think the reason she took the picture was because while she was in Chicago visiting her grandmother in the hospital, she was reading RBD and wanted photographic evidence that she cared about her grandmother to prove the haters wrong. You win Julia! The donkey show has become so depressing.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I agree and have found it to be horrifying from the moment I saw the stupid photo and for all the reasons you say.

      Think about it. She staged that shot and took that picture when the woman was dying, possibly unconscious, for the sole purpose of one day being able to post it to the Internet for her public pity party. THAT IS SO FUCKING FUCKED UP. IF HER FAMILY DOESN’T HATE HER, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        Julia would prop Granny up and hobble her down Michigan Avenue “Weekend at Bernie’s” style if it would give her 10 seconds of attention.

      • Joardache & the Pelts says:

        Julia would have propped up her garndmother’s dead hand had she been there.

      • Whimsical Whackjob says:

        It’s beyond fucked. I was my grandmother’s caretaker for many years, and still helped as often as I could when she entered at-home hospice. At no point did it ever occur to me to start snapping pics of the two of us. She was beyond ill, she didn’t know where she was, and in the end she didn’t remember me. Why would I want to remember her in that way??

        In fact, I took a pic of my sister’s dog curled up in my grandma’s bed with her because I thought it was such a sweet thing (the dog wasn’t really a cuddle bug and was afraid of the oxygen tubes). But in the pic you could still see my grandma’s arm, and I couldn’t bear to look at it.

        That is very obviously the hands of someone who is near the end of their time here. In the information the hospice gives out, they mention the hands will start to get puffy, along with a host of other symptoms.

        God. She is sick.

      • sausage curls/fingers says:

        I’m also positive that she pre wrote out the whole me me me spiel she attached to it. I don’t think that was just a heat of the moment, straight from the heart write up. I bet she had it saved to her Macbook for weeks so she could just throw it up when the time came.

    • Ex Spurt says:

      I’ve thought about it and it disturbs me. In all my years of nursing, the last 12 of which have been in cancer and palliative care, I’ve never, ever seen anyone staging a photo of a dying loved one or a body part (not saying it’s never happened, just never seen it, thank fuck).

      Dead on, jp. Her grandmother’s hand looks positioned for comfort but Donk’s doesn’t. That’s a pretty uncomfortable angle to hold someone’s hand. Believe me, I’ve held a few hands. Totally fucking staged for a ‘nice’, emotive pic to stash away and post when she got the news. Such a fucking attention-seeking, cold-blooded, narcissistic poser. She’s foul.

      Good luck with everything, jp, and thanks for all the smiles.

  30. Me me me me me! says:

    I really like how you let this post…unfold

    • Grammarian says:

      the best memes on this topic ever: “Jill” and “”Long Island University

  31. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    OT: Did anyone else see this and think of Donkey?

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/whitneyjefferson/what-lisa-turtle-looks-like-today

    I wonder if Lark Voorhies blames “weight gain,” too.

  32. Cowboys & Brayliens says:

    This is the post of the year. This may even be the defining post of the site, period.

  33. KrakenSkulls says:

    [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/2afibnn.jpg[/img]

  34. Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

    I love all of you fatties and I absolutely don’t mean this as a fuckwit flouncing comment, but this may, just may be the tipping point that makes me “unfollow” the Donkey show and try to forget I ever heard of her. Right now I feel like she’s the worst person that ever lived (yes, dearest, I AM comparing you to Pol Pot and Walt Disney) and I don’t even want to laugh at her stupidity anymore.

  35. Dyspeptic says:

    I managed to keep a straight face all the way through, until I got to “cuntrocket.” Then I broke. And I confess that as someone who abhors the word.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      I love “cuntrocket” too. It has me picturing Donkey as some sort of extremely unpleasant missile. And, of course, cuntrocket Julia is wallet-seeking, not heat-seeking.

  36. Google Keyword Miss Advised says:

    That is one unappealing, unfeminine hand.

    Talking about Donkey’s hand, of course. It’s not a good look for one’s stumpy little hand to be wider than one’s shapeless forearm.

  37. Azalp Yerbua says:

    Hey, fun is fun and all, and Julia is a self-centered narcissist just like you guys say, but leave her alone about the Grandmother, ok?

    Have you no decency or humanity at all?

    • juliaspublicist says:

      You could ask the same about Julia if you read the post.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      You have got to be kidding right? She doesn’t want to be left alone — she is Tweeting and Facebooking and hee-hawing everywhere about it.

      PS this post would not exist had SHE NOT HAD NO DECENCY AND NO HUMANITY to pull out her iPhone while her poor grandmother was asleep and snuck a cell phone pic of holding hands with her dying grandmother.

      EXCUSE YOU, YOU SHIT HEAD!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Aubrey Plaza, is that you?

    • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

      I don’t. I loved this post.

    • Stripper Shoes And a Fail/Jill Tattoo says:

      You speak very good English for a fan from the ‘Stans.

  38. LetItExplode says:

    I’m so sorry, so fat for asking but does Miss Advised have a premiere date yet? I need to clear my schedule.

  39. melting marionette says:

    OT: FREE LILLY!

    her latest bray:
    Holding @Lillydog with @JuliaPriceMusic, @LewisHowes imitates me outside of Earth Bar. Like looking in the mirror. ;-) http://lockerz.com/s/207985961

    • melting marionette says:

      … it’s the “idiot” stage of grief.

    • juliaspublicist says:

      Clearly Lewis is aware of the animal cruelty.

    • Stripper Shoes at a Funeral says:

      Howes has the wide stance down pat. Plus the animal torment. But he missed the boat on her consistently being fauxtographed from her “good side”.

      In other news, skinny Julia is sporting a seven-head.

      • KS says:

        Can you guys post these pics here? I am wary of lockerz as it logs your visits. just download the pic and upload to tinypic.com then paste the direct link url.

        if you get stuck you can always print screen then paste into Paint and crop it and save it as jpg and then see above.

        • Paranoia says:

          Who cares? I’m serious. Lockerz logs a million things per day. You think Julia is going to ask Lockerz to hand over Kraken’s name?

      • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

        Is it bad that I kinda want to hate fuck the shit out of Lewis Howes?

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Oh honey no.

          • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

            Just checking. I mean I just want to get him naked. It’s not like I want him to set up my LinkedIn profile or anything.

          • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

            I was thinking the same thing, JP, and kick him out in the morning. Don’t tell my Huscat! He’s already suspicious of Worrisome Pelts!

        • Dr. Gary says:

          I say go for it. Nothing like a good Punish Fuck to clear your head.

          #badinfluence

    • Stinky Velour Couture says:

      eww, is that what hawt chics in LA wear?
      Jeez—kinda skank.
      and is that velour couture?

  40. Der says:

    JP,

    You gave love and in turn I will show you love.

    “You are about to be a genuine celebrity, not just internet famous, but an actual celebrated figure of the likes of Cathy of the comic Cathy or Lorena Bobbit. With that elevation of stature comes the need to become an enigma.”

    That there is insight worth its weight in gold piled as tall as an ass. It’s the type of advice celebrities need to pay heed in the digital age. And it’s the kind of truth that she does not have the money to afford, the class to find, the friends to share, the mentors to learn, or even parents to teach.

    If anything it gives me much more respect to your abilities and obviously whoever is employing you is not paying you enough.

    Best.

    • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

      Agree. I like to think of JP as our very own Augusten Burroughs Burros.

    • Barking Mad says:

      Agreed. Julia’s behaviour is almost making me vom in the shower for real. JP’s post has given a little sanity to the whole insane situation. Bravo, JP!

  41. iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

    Bravo! Your best post ever!

  42. Dr. Gary says:

    OT: did we ever see/talk about this?

    http://www.businessinsider.com/5-reasons-julia-allisons-new-bravo-show-is-a-terrible-idea-2012-4

    “3. She will do anything for PR.

    Allison has photos of herself up on her blog dressed in a dress made of condoms for Halloween 2006. She referred to the event as Slut-O-Ween. And check out these photos of her from the Burning Man festival where she’s “dressed” as a stripper and sexy angel. Every move she makes will be ruthlessly dissected on the anti-Allison hate-blog, Reblogging Donk.”

    • RELATED:

      On a site similar to IMDb (seems like ‘Film Credits’ was the gist of it though) is a profile most likely created by Donkey, fauxto used is The Condom Fairy dragstume, & the caption says something like: Julia Allison at Bette Midler’s Hulaween Party … I’m not surprised that she’d generate false celebrity hob-nobbing impressions for her anticipated Bravo audience googlees, then again …

      WHO DOES THAT?

    • Stripper Shoes And a Fail/Jill Tattoo says:

      Overdosing on the awesome.

  43. AFGHANI says:

    I’m so bored of Julia these days. So… anyone want to trade spackling tips with me?

  44. Peltsy says:

    I really wish that photo hadn’t been posted by this site. It was referenced in a previous post and I made it a point not to search it out — in poor taste, both here, and wherever it was originally posted.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      The photo is a document of Julia’s poor taste, bad decision making and narcissism of which this blog documents. Julia does many heinous things and right now while she’s high on her own bullshit, she’ll do more heinous things. If it’s too much to stomach, best to take a break.

    • Stripper Shoes And a Fail/Jill Tattoo says:

      This blog is a “Reblogging” blog, so it is natural that it would reblog/repost something, regardless of its distastefulness. I think that’s the point really.

    • stalker is the new fat says:

      You set your browser to block images but then you’d have nothing to clutch your pearls and fan yourself about.

    • Grammarian says:

      totally tasteless, agreed

      bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha

  45. bitchface says:

    what does she mean “So, despite the fact that she would have been horrified at the idea, a few years ago I tattooed the acronym on my wrist.”
    WOULD have been? She either was or she wasn’t. She didn’t tattoo this today (post death)

    • ethel-egg says:

      Julia’s such a bad writer. Everything she says makes no sense. Her life makes no sense. Therefore everything that Julia Allison says is nonsensical.

      • Donksers says:

        Donkey always tries so very hard to sound like “a writer” and ends up with a garbled mess. It is to laugh.

    • juliajane says:

      She probably never told her about the tattoo, knowing she wouldn’t approve. It sure is UGLY.

      • melting marionette says:

        i do admire that it’s actually something original and personal, but the admiration stops there. it’s ugly, and poorly inked. additionally, she couldn’t find someone who could do decent fine lines?

  46. DirtyLakeMichigan says:

    Excuse if this has already been mentioned, but, is she NOT going to her Grandmother’s funeral? Is she really hiking? Not going to be with her family?

    • Ex Spurt says:

      Really odd how she hasn’t gone home yet. This is exactly the time you jump on a plane. I know it’s sometime to the funeral but wouldn’t you want to be around for your dad? That family dynamic’s been weird for a few months now (I know it’s always weird but something is off).

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      Funeral isn’t until June 2.

      • Ridonkulous says:

        With that much lead time it will no doubt be a memorial service, not a funeral. NGMB will not be present.

  47. ShesJustStupid says:

    oh, good grief

    “My Grandmother is the only person I know (besides me) who would appreciate that I’m wearing pink in mourning for her.”

    on FB

  48. Wonkeye says:

    OT, but I just opened my daily (useless) email from Gilt Group and they’re offering “Bobby Buka Facials” for 40% off.

    • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

      Bobby Bukkake should pay ME if he wants to give me a facial. No discounts.

  49. Skye says:

    Ok I can’t take it anymore. The night I read the post about her grandma passing I was traveling on the train and as I read all your comments about your grandparents I thought of my 97 y.o. Grandpa & how worried I am about him. Unbeknownst to me my other grandparent on my other side of the family actually PASSED away. I’m not on Facebook anymore and I am on twitter. Never in the land of ever would I be so grotesque as to do what she is doing with regard to any of my grandparents. When my other grandma passed 2 years ago I had Facebook and i never would’ve been so self indulgent. I almost want to boycott this bitch. Almost. But shes like one giant what not to do guide to life. And right now I feel good knowing I’m no where near as narcissistic as she is and feel secure about keeping any self indulgent “tributes” to her offline.

  50. RBD Newbie says:

    What really disgusts me is not how she’s spewing grief all over the Internet. It might be her only outlet since she has no real friends or family who care enough about her to be there for her during a difficult time. What disgusts me is HOW she’s spewing it:

    “Oh, so sad, what am I ever gonna do without her.”

    “Hells yeah I’ll be wearing a tiara!!!”

    “Oh, so sad, grandma meant everything in the world to me.”

    Not exactly in those words but you know what I mean.

  51. Seriously? says:

    I can’t imagine you’re too far into recovery if you’re still spieling this much hate. Julia sucks, but you suck even more. You’re latching on to some boring bitch to make yourself feel better. It’s more pathetic than Julia trying to be famous.

    • Barking Mad says:

      Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      I don’t think so.

      • Seriously? says:

        Why is that? I think it’s pathetic to actually create a blog that obsesses over one basic and uninteresting woman. Every tweet, every blog post, every picture is torn apart. I’m not saying Julia doesn’t deserve it for putting it all out there anymore than I’m saying she does deserve it. What I am saying is that it’s pathetic that someone focuses on her so obsessively. The person/people who run this site are like bacteria on pieces of shit.

        I hate-followed Julia for awhile. Now I just hate-follower her antics via this site, because it’s a twoffer. I get to hate-follow two different entities at the same time: the piece of shit that is Julia and the bacteria that is RebloggingDonk.com.

        So that’s why I think so. Maybe you’re just one of those people who disagree with others just because it makes you feel better (and considering you’re part of this site, I’m assuming that’s correct), but if you care to voice your argument, please tell me why you don’t think it’s true that obsessing over one boring woman is pathetic.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Because it’s entertaining and she’s a lunatic who keeps providing fodder for the thousands of fans/friends/followers she solicited in the online reality show she created.

          Now piss off.

          Next?

        • JFA says:

          “please tell me why you don’t think it’s true that obsessing over one boring woman is pathetic.”

          Where to begin. How about…because this site is read by thousands of people who check it obsessively and enjoy coming here everyday? Because those of us who enjoy coming here have fun while we are here and it’s become a real community? I for one and thoroughly amused on the regular and extremely pleased that two such funny and gifted writers turn their attention to this nitwit as a hobby.

          Haha you are so funny though. I love how you think you are somehow above us all because you “hate follow” us. Please just either laugh along or move along because you’re incredibly boring and sad. Withering glare noted. Shits not given. Fuck off.

          • Seriously? says:

            So you think because thousands of people read this constant word vomit, it makes it not pathetic? You do realize that Nicholas Sparks is one of the most popular modern authors, right? It’s sad and pathetic. You enjoy sad and pathetic things. Own up to it, don’t try to pretend that it’s anything that it’s not.

          • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

            Lemme get this right. You come here not only to hate on Julia, but also to hate on us. That sounds twice as bad. How are you on some high horse right now?

          • Seriously? says:

            I think it’s interesting you think I’m on a high horse. This community is crazy amounts of unaware!

          • JFA says:

            The point was, I come here because it’s fucking FUN and many people agree with me. You don’t see me railing on the Fox News site that “OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH Y’ALL! CAN’T YOU SEE YOU ARE ALL WRONG!!!” What is the point? WE DON’T AGREE WITH YOU. You can think we are “wrong” but I just think you might want to find a better use of your time. We’re okay with us! We like us! And the cat is out of the bag. Many people find this shit thoroughly amusing. I just don’t see wtf your point is. If everyone in the room is having fun, but you, maybe the problem is YOU. Just a thought.

          • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

            I’m DEFINITELY unaware of what you are talking about. You sound like a sociopath. I’m just here for the tacos and memes.

            [img]http://i.imgur.com/qiy5Q.gif[/img]

            (courtesy of Donkey of Perdition)

          • JFA says:

            This GIF completes me. I am in the most shitastic of moods so thanks.

            “YOU ARE ALL JUDGED.” – Seriously

          • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

            You’re welcome, JFA.

            My whole goal was to bring the derailed conversation back onto the tracks. Truth is: the comments are often way more fun and entertaining than what Julesie does, and often have nothing to do with JA. Taco Gorilla is a perfect example of something not related to JA, but funny as hell. Talk about “unaware.” You can’t argue with Taco Gorilla.

            (again, thanks to Donkey of Perdition for this GIF)

        • JFA says:

          “I think it’s pathetic to actually create a blog that obsesses over one basic and uninteresting woman.”

          Yet HERE YOU ARE!!! Funny how that works!

        • Frequent Liar Miles says:

          I am certainly not one of those people who disagrees with others just because it makes me feel better! How dare you?! Who do you think you are?!

        • Donksers says:

          “Seriously?” sounds conflicted, confused, and a bit unhinged. It’s always fun when enraged assholes come in here and demand that we justify why we love RBD. As Jacy said, piss off.

        • juliaspublicist says:

          Because sparkleberries and emotions. I find her interesting from an anthropomorphological perspective.

          May I point out that you “hate follow” more people than I do?

          • Seriously? says:

            Oh, does that matter? I thought maybe it was how much time we each take out of her day to get involved in a “hate follow” that would really matter… but hey, whatever makes you feel better!

          • juliaspublicist says:

            Most posts take me less than five minutes. I spend less time writing this blog than you assume. And I blog here A LOT less than I used to. I’ve gone whole months without blogging here.

          • Seriously? says:

            Um… Congratulations? Or something?

          • juliaspublicist says:

            Thanks? I was just providing some perspective as to how much time I take out of my day to write posts for this site. I felt having the proper information would assist you in your feelings of superiority for being a less involved person who obsessively follows Julia Allison.

        • juliaspublicist says:

          Thank you for reading by the way.

          • Seriously? says:

            Thank you for providing me with the entertainment! I love how unaware this community is. It’s so much better than Julia’s blog.

          • JFA says:

            Yes I’m pretty sure 250 (est.) pretty fracking smart, funny people are very amusing to you for reasons other than them actually being funny/smart/amusing. You are in on a big secret the rest of us CANNOT SEE! Praise you.

            I can’t!!!

          • JFA says:

            Estimating the number of regular commenters that is. Clearly 250 funny people having fun are very wrong and you are very right.

            I just…don’t get people who have to piss in other people’s playgrounds. Are you that sad inside? Aren’t there other communities who need your insight and guidance? Pretty sure racists and nazis have blogs too, go there! Now! Do something!

        • mule on rouge says:

          But, Seriously?, this place is the closest she’s gonna get to achieving one of her life’s goals:

          In late 2004, Allison moved to New York to break into the Manhattan media world and — as she wrote on a list of goals she brought with her at the time — “become a cult figure.” –Wired

          Dear heart, I’m concerned about your obsession with all things Julia Allison. Despite the fact that you find Julia uninteresting, you enjoy* following her boring life online. And though you think it’s pathetic for people to have created a site solely dedicated to following Julia’s boring life online, you enjoy* reading the content here, as well.

          So what exactly is your beef? The fact that this site only follows one person?

          I recommend that you run — don’t walk — to your nearest mental health clinic. You clearly have contracted a severe case of masochism, coupled with acute hypocrisy. Before commenting again, be sure to ask your doctor if it’s safe for you to continue these exercises of pointless futility.

          * I assume you enjoy all this hate-following. It would be weird if you were doing something you hated just to punish yourself, right?

          [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/35n07so.jpg[/img]

          • Seriously? says:

            I don’t have any beef. I’m merely stating that I think the people who make it a habit of participating on this site are more pathetic than Julia. It can be argued that by being a (normally) passive listener rather than an active participant, my point is invalid. I genuinely think I read this for much different reasons than most of the people here. Does it make me better? I don’t know. I don’t know anyone here. I’m assuming I’m better than some of the people and some of these people are better than me.

            What I do know is that it was fun to read Julia Allison because it was amazing to see how clueless she was day after day. Then I found baugher, which was really amazing and had the ability to analyze Julia’s online persona much better than this site, and through her I found RD.

            I stopped reading Julia when I realized RD recaps her every single online move and when I found that the community within RD is more hilarious and unaware than Julia is. It’s amazing entertainment.

          • juliaspublicist says:

            But I’m an awful person for providing a venue for your entertainment? OK, then.

          • Seriously? says:

            I didn’t say you were awful. If you want to infer that, maybe you should think about how you view yourself?

            I think your actions are pathetic. I also think wet kittens caught in a thunderstorm are pathetic. I don’t hate the people who drive this site, I feel a strange mix of sympathy and confusion.

          • juliaspublicist says:

            OK, thank you for voicing your opinion. It seems hypocritical, but that’s just my opinion.

            Love and light!

          • JFA says:

            YOU ARE HERE TOO YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.

            So who’s the bigger asshole, seriously. Those of us here for shits and giggles or those of us who are HERE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES YET PRETEND WE ARE REALY HERE TO LOOK DOWN ON EVERYONE ELSE?

            Ugh. I am in no mood for morons right now! I sorta think you missed the point. About a lot of stuff probably.

          • JFA says:

            Seriously (Seriously), why are you here then? We are here to have fucking FUN. What is your excuse?

            I would rather be the person at the goddamn party having a good time then the asshole in the corner sniggering to himself about how lame everyone else is while secretly weeping inside. Find something better to do, please. I feel sad for you.

          • JFA says:

            And while you are at it please take your little “I am better than you/shame on your for having a sense of humor” crusade to every snark site on the internets. Come back when you are done with that in about 7 years.

            Or step away from the internet completely, because it is clearly beneath you.

          • Seriously? says:

            hahahahah, oh man! You used capital letters and called me an asshole! Oh man! You win this time, man! Got me good! You must feel so important and right!

          • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

            [img]http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/funny-pictures-superior-cat-on-horse.jpg[/img]

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            So I don’t get it — why read it?

            And yes, I know that’s what JA says to us.

            But JA started up an online reality show five years ago. She has pleaded for viewers, fans, friends, followers, and courted attention, ever since she started up the blog with [REDACTED]. We’ve never sought out anyone to read this blog. People came to us.

            If you don’t get it, I advise you think of it as a modern-day TV show. Same shit, different medium. Because that’s what it is. And we are just the audience. I spend maybe a half-hour a week, tops, writing these posts. They take as much time as it would for me to leave a comment on a website on a topic I found interesting. And I find her obsession/love affair with herself, and what she represents in terms of the Facebook generation, to be absolutely fascinating. And so is her online reality show as she fucks up one situation after another because she is so enthralled with herself.

            I’d be reading her/following her anyway, so it really takes minimal effort to do a post when she’s done/said something entertaining or awful, which is really quite often.

            It’s not that complicated. She’s a proud Internet celebrity. She has told people one of the highlights of her life was the Wired cover; she WANTED to be an Internet celebrity. And celebrities have followers and an audience.

            And so here we are. The audience she wanted. She just never expected that her audience would not be adoring, and would immediately see through her litany of bullshit on everything from her career opportunities to her friendships and her romances. Nor did she anticipate that we wouldn’t get bored. She bores me sometimes, but for the most part, I still find it fascinating that she cannot and will not deal with her shit. How many relationships/professional opportunities/friendships does she have to burn to the ground before she gets serious help? Sorry, but I want to see the moment when she understands it’s HER, no one else, nothing else, and when she finally goes offline and fixes herself.

            You find it boring and her boring and think we’re pathetic and worse than her or whatever else? I honestly couldn’t give a shit. I’m here for the long haul. Pass the popcorn, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

          • juliaspublicist says:

            Why do I feel like I am on GOMI all of a sudden?

          • JFA says:

            I know, I’m sorry I am just positively SMARTING from the verbal takedown you are handing all of us, for daring to have a sense of humor about a complete fucking asshat.

            I will now go hang my head in shame, after I read the other posts, laugh, and be a terrible person. you’ve done your good deed for the day, rest assured! Namaste!

        • JFA says:

          I’M HATE FOLLOWING YOU HATE FOLLOWING US HATE FOLLOWING JA NOW, SO I WIN, SERIOUSLY!!!!!

          • JFA says:

            And don’t even TRY to hate follow me hate following you hate following us hate following JA either. I’m onto you. Get some self-awareness, Seriously. i’m only here to hate follow you hate following us hate following JA, and not for ANY OTHER REASON, STARTING NOW.

    • juliaspublicist says:

      Also if you read the post, I was compassionate and gave her actionable advice to help her achieve her goals.

    • JFA says:

      Also you know what’s really awesome and not at all hateful? Slinging shit at addicts in the process of recovery. Bless your dear heart. I’m sure JP has seen the light now and will bring this up right quick in his next meeting.

      Can you go fuck off now, please? You are bringing me down.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      You are an imbecile.

  52. JFA says:

    HE’S HERE TO LAUGH AT US NOTHING MORE! THAT MAKES HIM BETTER THAN US! YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEMS!

    I actually really love this person, and how blissfully proud of being a moron he is.

  53. Lady Zoo says:

    I caught a rerun of the “Miss Advised” “They call me Donkey,” episode earlier today and had to come online to see why Julia is the most hated woman on the internet and Oh. My. God. You’re a genius. This article made me spit out my Dr. Pepper it was so funny.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I wept with laughter when I read this post. JP is brilliant.

      P.S. Welcome!

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