Honey

I’m mobile, so I apologize for the brevity.

Jack & I broke up exactly a year ago yesterday, and helicopters just swarmed over my house. Weird. I wasn’t expecting it to still hurt.


 

I read this to my friend, who is completely donkey oblivious. His reaction as a virile straight male who is Julia’s age? “What a stupid bitch!”

Honey, Pancakes shot that helo down himself. Jesus, I am actually embarrassed for her.

I wonder if this is the anniversary of when they broke up or if it is the anniversary of a week later when he had to buy moving boxes, force her to pack her shit and escorted her to the airport, all supervised by Cindy.

Neither is worth mentioning.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

268 Responses to Honey

  1. Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

    Lololololololololololololoolol…

    Oh, Donkey… DeStorm wants to comfort you with his non-existent abs…

  2. Donkolnikov says:

    I saw this and rushed here. OH MY GOD. If I was him I’d be hiding under my bed. They dated for what, 5 months? And never lived in the same city? Isn’t she a “relationship expert”? Can she advise herself to stop being a psycho?

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      If you added up all the time they spent together it would LITERALLY ad up to 3 weeks and I might be exaggerating that number…

      PS for old time’s sake – when you update this with a pic can it either be The Mother’s Boy album or Julia and Jack or the Pancake House pic???

  3. JuliaCleaver says:

    next in the Bravo line-up: Pyscho Date-four Hooves and a Bray

  4. AFGHANI says:

    Isn’t Pancakes engaged now?

  5. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    God, she is either stupid or an asshole or…oh, wait. She’s BOTH.

    Julia, want to know why we hate you? Start with this, your latest bullshit deranged utterance, and work your way back 20+ years.

  6. Sincerely Curious says:

    She really is odd, like a teenager who has had very little real dating experience. I’ve spent the last 4 years with my wife, almost every single day together.

    Before that I had plenty of six month or three month or even year long relationships. There is no comparison in terms of the intimacy that happens when you spend multiple years together, live together and truly build a life. No comparison.

    The fact that she talks about a six month (or three week) relationship as if its equivalent to losing a husband or a live-in relationship of multiple years betrays such a stunning immaturity.

    I think men are more likely to be this stupidly immature about relationships, whereas finding a woman who can’t grasp the difference–not sure I’ve ever seen it before in my life.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      I completely agree. My husband and I have been together 15 years, and I told him a few weeks ago, after two martinis, that for me his face is the Human Face. It’s the model of a face — the only one I see when I close my eyes. I don’t have to try, I don’t have to think about it. There is one person on this earth, and it’s him.

      • Bravo's Bitch says:

        This deserves better than just a like and it is so true. We have been together 15 years this summer and yeah, that. P.S. I am turning 45 in 4 hours and am very drink.

        • Bravo's Bitch says:

          Sorry, I meant my cat man not you but as I said I iz drink. And this bday is kicking my ass. In the words of Seinfeld, Birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it’s not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end, inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.

          • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

            I know. I know what you’re saying. But no matter our failures and all the diminishing returns we can live each day and do no harm. I’m two years older thank you and it will have to be enough for me. Love is the force that matters. You are obviously loved; go on and love like a madman, or like a saint, like a fool. It can’t hurt.

          • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

            Older *than* you, but thank you, too.

          • Bravo's Bitch says:

            Thank you, that’s so nice. This community is lovely and I don’t care what donkeys say about it.

          • CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

            Handbag, that comment is poetic and moving.

          • dd says:

            Oh man. I wished you “happy birthday” with out reading this. Sorry your b-day is kicking your ass. I’ve been there.

          • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

            I think the median age of our commenters must be 47. I will be turning it in the fall and I’ve been fucking the same dick for 25 years.

          • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

            And I’m a year older than you Handbag, I will enter into the last year of this decade of my life this summer. Like you Bravo, I’ve been kind of feeling like that, ‘bitter end’ bit for a few years. Especially as I watch my parents age and know they are not long for this world. Knowing there is less life behind me then ahead of me. Seeing the horizon line so to speak. Something kicked up in me lately though – kind of like getting a second wind. I’m using the rest of my 48th year and all of my 49th to look, feel, and be the best I’ve ever been. Not pose in a bikini, face-lift, multiple-piercing way. I mean in a work from the inside-out way. Spiritually, emotionally, physically. I plan to glow when I blow out those 50 candles in a couple of years. My plan is to spend the next 50 being wise enough to know I’ll never know it all. That is actually a wonderous thing.
            Happy Birthday!

          • Admiral of the Burro Fleet says:

            DLM, that’s lovely. I just spent the past weekend with my catfriend in his hometown attending his grandmother’s funeral, and the stubbornness of mortality was hanging heavy over all present, particularly as he & I watched his parents deal with the loss and realized we’d be there ourselves one day, and then be the ones leaving everyone behind one day. I’m feeling profoundly, unusually (INEFFABLY) sad about the fact that I don’t have infinite time with him or anyone else I love. It’s easing my heart to read this thread.

            Y’all jealous, bitter catladies are lovely souls.

          • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

            I worship this thread. A year ago I was talking to my oldest friend and said, “It’s just pragmatic to admit that my life is basically over,” and “I’ve achieved everything I ever will in life,” one such statement after another. She began to laugh and said, “You’re having a midlife crisis.” How BANAL. I argued that I wasn’t which just caused her to laugh more. One of us has to be right, and she’s a much better and wiser person than I. Such crises end, yes? They give way to new ones?

          • [REDACTED]'s mom says:

            My 50th birthday was one of my best birthdays. I was feeling very changed by it. The biggest change by far was a welcome uptick in both my confidence and feelings of self worth. Almost overnight, it seemed, I stopped caring so much what other people think. Instead, I now have no problem maintaining belief in myself and in my choices, and the opinions of others are mildly handy inputs rather than doubt-inducing little darts.

            I suppose I’ll be an insufferable old lady soon enough, but right now, life is good.

          • [REDACTED]'s mom says:

            I meant to add that I am saying this as encouragement for all you who are coming after me, and that you have something to look forward to.

            Without that line I sounded kind of self-congratulatory, sorry!

          • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

            You are a treasure, [Redacted’s] Mom.

        • dd says:

          Happy Birthday!

        • mule on rouge says:

          Turning 51 this week and I gotta say, I don’t agree with the adage “life’s too short”. It feels as though I’ve lived a loooooong time already: through childhood, college, career, marriage, parenthood, etc., etc., etc. And given that the women on both sides of my family have been active well into their 90s, I’m a little intimidated that I might have another 40+ years ahead of me.

          Even if I only make it to 70, I’ll still be around when the babies born this very minute are graduating from high school. Geez, I think I’m gonna need more hobbies.

      • Wtf is right says:

        Your writing. I want to read it.

        That’s the sad thing about this blog, wish I knew where I could read what all of you write elsewhere.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        That is just beautiful.

        Sometimes I just look at my huscat and say “You are my favorite,” because I am an inarticulate schlub, but what you said is so resonant for me.

        And happy birthday, Bravo’s Bitch! May your 45th year be full of love and joy.

        • One Fat Melman says:

          I say the same to my bf. Sometimes a simple, “you’re my favorite person” is exactly the right sentiment.

      • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

        I love this Handbag.
        You have given me the words I always fumbled for when trying to explain the nature of what keeps couples together for years. “Soul mate, The One, Romeo and Juliet”… all to swarmy and eye-rolly to really portray what it is that keeps people together through the real-life stuff.
        So… when I update my facebook status using your beautiful observation, it WILL be credited to “Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair”. I wonder how many people will google your name? I know I would.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        This is a beautiful sentiment and I applaud your ability to convey it so clearly, but I’m not sure it is a universal need. I have never felt any kind of deep kinship to my sexual partners. “Good in bed” and “don’t annoy me” is as deep as it goes, but I don’t think I personally need more (neither have they thus far).

        On the other hand I am fortunate to have very close bonds with a number of friends, whom I value much more than any of my ISOs.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          That’s awesome, too. A Donkey fails at both having friendly no-strings fun AND at having longer-term romances. Also at having friendships. Also at being a good human to her dog. She just can’t do anything properly.

      • Extremely Large Size Medium says:

        Aw, that’s so sweet!

      • Sausage Snappers says:

        Those two comments are so beautiful. Such truthiness up in hurr. I’ve only been with my mancat for four years (we’re getting married this Fall!), but he really is it for me. Previous short-term relationships just don’t compare. Julia has NO IDEA.

  7. Emma Bourricot says:

    [img]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bct08VamtOI/TinXXUjV9xI/AAAAAAAAAcs/efFZCvBqVmk/s320/th_Alli_embarrassed.gif[/img]

    Also, really classy to post this just before it:

    Here you go! RT @MilitaryMike @JuliaAllison Can I get a RT for the organization who helps war vets cope with #PTSD? PLEASE? Militaryminds.ca

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      As I said in the post I just killed — how odd she would post that on the day she’s pining for Pancakes. Did she ever give a shit about military families before or after she dated him? She is gross.

  8. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    Also, I just wrote in the last thread: “Guess she really has given up hope on winning back Pancakes if she’s ditched the Stepford Republican act and is back to the foulmouthed vulgarian that’s at her rotten core.”

    That’s our Donkey! SO keen to prove us wrong. “My haters think I’ve given up on Jack like a sane person would have? I’LL SHOW THEM!”

    • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

      Mwahaha! She’s starting to give off a Mr Burns type of vibe: “And that fellow at Radio Shack said I was mad…. well who’s mad now??” *diabolical laughter*

      (except Mr Burns has the smarts and is sexier)

  9. Dr. Gary says:

    I really hope she’s tweeting this as part of her Bravo ‘I’m a dating advice columnist and I can’t keep/find a man!’ persona.

    Because otherwise? The Cankleshausen. It burns.

  10. juliaspublicist says:

    She is now implying to me that Jack is an alcoholic and did something nefarious.

    • Donkey of Perdition says:

      MOAR.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      UN.BELIEVE.ABLE.

    • Cake Liar says:

      Please, for the love of God, expand and share this info JP! :-D

      • Cake Liar says:

        That should have said “for the love of Cat-Gods”, so sorry, so fat, so excited about the lunacy!

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Oh the old, crazy alcoholic bit…(see: MMBH)

    • juliaspublicist says:

      So sorry. The Avengers is starting.

    • Emma Bourricot says:

      She is disgusting. What would Jack’s side of the story be?

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Along the lines of “Daddy drinks because you cry.”

        Pancakes drinks because you bray.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      WHAT??

      She is such a crazy fucking liar.

      • Kissy Face to a Crowd of Crickets says:

        She’s doing the whole “Redacted is bi-polar” thing again! She never does press the learn button, right?!?! Outing the secrets of past lovers to your haters. I kant.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          So true. Funny how there’s always some nefarious, dirty secret about the people who dump her. The [REDACTEDs], Mary, Jordan and Kendrich, and now Pancakes. How odd.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            But it’s not even nefarious or dirty, that’s what’s so fucking sick about her. A decent person, when they hear someone has an illness or an issue with addiction, thinks “Jeez, that must be tough for them, hope they get the help they need ASAP,” not “Shun the unclean!”

            And if A Donkey thinks that that kind of thing reflects poorly on someone, she should take a look at her own laxative abuse. Which, whatever, I hope she gets the help she needs, but it is hardly one of the glamour crays.

          • Powerful Moms with Fantastic Sons (aka Cindy M's Med Cab) says:

            Agree, Albie. She’s so nasty about what she perceives to be people’s “problems.” My ex is bipolar?! Escandalo! His parents are divorced?! He’s damaged goods! He’s a third generation Naval man and son of a longtime senator and former presidential candidate? He might not want to stay in the military! She always needs to air out people’s “issues.” She’s the one who needs to be exiled to her own private leper colony, for the safety of everyone.

    • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

      I can’t believe she was STUPID enough to give such questionable, defamatory information to one of the mods on her snark site! Settling imaginary scores always trumps looking sane.

    • cupcake cray cray says:

      right. because the woman who “never drinks!” and is such a lunatic about “never” drinking that she kept a freaking list in her iphone of how many SIPS of alcohol she has consumed clearly has such a healthy relationship with alcohol that she can easily judge when someone else is an alcoholic. sure.

      and if he WAS an alcoholic, WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING LEAVING YOUR DOG IN HIS CARE FOR WEEKS AT A TIME, ASSHOLE?

    • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

      Hahaha! FAS!

    • Life Is Unfair says:

      Let’s just leave Jack alone. It’s bad enough he has a donkey following him.

      • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

        I agree. First, why should we fulfil Donkey’s demented wishes and stir the shit, and second, I for one literally genuinely couldn’t care less about Pancakes’ “nefarious” secrets, whether or not they’d actually be a scorned donkey’s fabrications (which they obviously would in this case).

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          The only reason I want to see what she has to say is so that she genuinely gets a call from “Jack McCain’s lawyer.”

          I guess the reality show’s finished filming now so she feels she can unleash the inner vile, festering asshole. How it must have burned her ass last fall when the truth came out about their “grand romance” and she felt she couldn’t counter it with the cameras rolling.

          • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

            Also, an imbecile.

            But we knew that.

            I think even Uzbekistan knows that.

          • featherbrained says:

            Agree, Jacy. For me, this kind of Julia produced shame gossip is good to “report” here because it speaks to her character. I’d love Jack McCain’s Lawyer to give her a ring.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      WHAT????!??!???!????!?!!!?

      Exactly what she said about Rambo. And about Jordan, minus the “alcoholic” part. God she’s a cuntwitch.

      • featherbrained says:

        Memories. I’d not thought of cuntwitch in so long. Now, I’ll be happily using it on the regular again.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      * Stunned silence *
      * Drops phone *
      * Phone hits bare foot *
      * Leg jerks up *
      * Knee hits desk *

      I blame you for this injury, jp. :-)

      • the difference between hardcore and stupid. says:

        I know, right? I dropped a deuce in my govt issued colostomy bag as soon as I heard the news.

        SERIOUSLY. ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT A MEMBER OF OUR MILITARY FORCES MAY PARTAKE IN THE ACT OF DRINKING ALCOHOL ON A REGULAR BASIS? HOLY FUCKING SHIT! ALERT THE MEDIA! OMG WHAT A SCOOP! UNDERBELLY! 10 THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW! RIPLEYS BELIEVE IT OR NOT! LIFESTYLES OF THE POOR AND BORED!

        Holy fuck Julia you are such a fucking NEWB. I wish John McCain would just.. silence you. You had better watch YOUR mouth when you go around defaming people you stupid asshole. No one gives a fuck about your reputation except you. Maybe JP should fwd your little threat to your father. I know he has the correct email.

        This site exists because you are so fucking stupid it is impossible to look away, not out of hate, not out of jealously. You are just a clown.

        AND WHAT THE FUCK? One minute you are pining for the guy and the next you are hinting at something potentially damaging to a political career? Bitch, you are gonna wind up like Marilyn Monroe. Except people cared when she “OD’d”.

        *throws down mic*

        • Pescachickenarian says:

          That was crazy at 10. We need crazy at about 4.

          • Jack McCain's Lawyer, Esq. says:

            The views expressed in the above rant in no way reflect the opinions of the author, his ghostwriter, KS, Jack McCain, this site, or me, the lawyer in perpetuity throughout the universe.

            Mr. KS pretend-approached my client and pretend-asked to do a Vulcan mind-meld so that he could extract any consuming rage he may be feeling yet could not say aloud, thus helping my client get back to work flying military helicopters, a very difficult job despite what the pundits claim.

            Thank you, and have a nice and legal day.

    • AFGHANI says:

      Well, that would be in keeping with at least the last several generations of McCain men (alcoholics, womanizers, racism, disgusting politics). Not that I trust Donkey. But it’s the most believable thing she ever said about that whole Pancakes fiasco… everything else she said about that mother-boy relationship was clearly B.S.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        How is it the most believable? It’s coming from a Donkey who has an axe to grind. Let’s point and laugh at her desperation but let’s not take him down.

        PS, a 24 year old that likes to have a few drinks will look like an alcoholic to someone who measures sips on their iPhone

        • AFGHANI says:

          Because everything else she said about that relationship was 100% false. There is actually a really good chance he’s a POS like the past several generations of men in his family. In fact, he’s already finished near the bottom of his college class and spewed a bunch of racist stuff, so would you really be shocked? Of course, all Donk cared about was his mom’s wallet and talking crap about someone you LOVED and SHARED A HOME WITH is tacky and classless.

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            I still think it’s wrong to defame him, calling someone an alcoholic when they barely have gotten their career started is some pretty heavy shit. PLUS, this is EXACTLY what she did to Redacted so isn’t it more likely that this is a pattern for JULIA ALLISON: LIAR – who by the way has nothing to lose since she has fucked up her face, her life, every work relationship, friend relationship and romance?

            Let’s just remember who this site is about. Jack canned her ass as soon as he found out what is what regarding a Donkey.

            PS – if you talk about Jack being an “alleged” alcoholic, just know a Donkey is laughing her smug faced laugh that you are doing her dirty work

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I don’t want to give it any airing. It was subtle — she was suggesting it without coming right out with it. So she can claim innocence if we go with it while feeling she managed to plant a nasty seed. Except that her seeds are always bullshit. So fuck her.

          • Worrisome Pelts says:

            Given what you’ve told us about your parents, this line of attack surprises me. Also? Calm down, Kevin.

          • Donksers says:

            Afghani, I have never understood your seething hatred for Jack McCain. I read the Gawker stuff but it was so over-the-top and discombobulated, it’s hard to know how much of it to believe. I highly doubt that the extremely violent descriptions attributed to Pancakes actually came from him.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            On what planet is not being a good student and/or being a privileged white-guy who says racist shit related to alcoholism? Pancakes is not someone I would want to be stranded on a desert island with, but he’s not a monster.

            Also, yeah, both his mother (by her admission) and his paternal grandfather (per Dad’s autobio) experienced addiction, and the risk for addictions is much higher among serving military personnel, so it wouldn’t be a shocker if this was something he had to address at some point in his life. It also wouldn’t make him a bad person.

          • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

            Albie, I know you didn’t mean it that way, but I have to say: Alcoholics are not monsters.

          • CaptainGary says:

            Oh, Jesus, here we go with the rankings of the last decade of USNA classes again.

            Dude. Give it a rest. Do you know how Asperger’s (sorry, that’s AFFperger’s) it is that EVERY. SINGLE. TIME that Jack McCain gets mentioned, you say he graduated near the bottom of his class?

            How can you not know how weird this obsession makes you sound?

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Oh, god, that was exactly the opposite of what I meant to imply. I meant that Pancakes’s dumbass racist Tweets didn’t make him a monster, just a routine privileged white jerk who one hopes will learn better as he sees more of the world.

            Both my beloved uncles were alcoholics. My Uncle Dick sadly could not find a stable recovery, and died far too young; my Uncle Bill, as I mentioned elsethread, did find a strong recovery and made a second career counseling military and ex-military who were having drug and alcohol issues. I would never think less of anyone living with alcoholism.

            Thank you for pointing out to me that I had been so careless with my post. The irony is that I am loopy on Tramadol right now, too.

          • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

            Alvie, I knew you didn’t mean it that way and I wasn’t trying to chide you at ALL. Just clarifying for the sake of those who might think otherwise. Alcoholism and addiction run deep in my family and I have not escaped unscathed. (I can enjoy or control my drinking and drugging, but I cannot control AND enjoy it.) There is nothing more heartbreaking than someone for whom things never get bad enough for them to change.

        • juliaspublicist says:

          As someone who is currently in rehab with a bunch of military men and women, you DO NOT want to casually label someone in the armed forces an alcoholic. They take that shit very seriously. And from what I hear Pancakes is actually a really stand up guy.

          • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

            Tossing the addiction bone to the mods is possibly the lowest she’s ever sunk. Dumb Donkey is Dumb and has no business diagnosing or outing anything from a bi-polar disorder to substance addiction. That last bit is rich coming from someone who engages in the same rotten behavior over and over and over again–seemingly unable to unlearn bad designs for living.

            BTW, and this is something I’ve never mentioned here before, Donkey did something similar to a friend back at Georgetown who wasn’t all that interested in her raft ass. She got back at him, however, and even wrote a shitty, mean spirited column in her “D-Bag on the Hilltop” column. I’d like to go on but best not.

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            She is a cunt.

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            Her face is her Karma and that gives me much happiness.

          • helobabe says:

            He prob just drank every day she was around because…wouldn’t you?

          • Dyspeptic says:

            Jack: so not surprised.

          • KrakenSkulls says:

            yr in rehab bro? if that wack AA higher power shit is holding you back, look into LifeRing.org

          • Amuse-douche says:

            @kraken Thank you for this link. This particular thread has really touched me. I’m in a bad pattern of behavior – heading towards some bad territory. I’m making steps to move to a healthier way of life and really needed this link. A non religious rehab network is exactly what I was looking for, thank you.

          • KrakenSkulls says:

            @Amuse-douche

            LifeRing was introduced to me with a simple explanation. You wanna quit smoking. Fine. Quit smoking. The most addictive of all drugs. You are not a fucking “smoker” the rest of your life. You don’t have to introduce yourself as one. It is not your identity. It was a bad habit and you moved on. AA got the need-for-socializing part right, but they just started making shit up after that.

            Many of LifeRing’s “meetings” can be attended online from your basement. Good luck.And for christ sake, don’t count days. Don’t feel bad about slipping. Strive for sobriety but you are not a failure if you do.

          • I gotta say, try out AA before you dismiss it as wacky religious crap.

            Sober five years, through 12-step programs, and still very much an atheist. Changed my life. Contempt prior to investigation can kill an alcoholic or addict.

      • Donkey of Perdition says:

        Was his grandpa all the above? I assumed he was nose to the grindstone admiral type.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      If she’s not just lying as usual, I wish him strength and good resources and support from the people who love him to get through a challenge many, many people in the military face (including my late beloved uncle, also a helicopter pilot, who devoted his life after leaving the service to a second career as a drug and alcohol abuse recovery counselor). It would hardly make me, or I doubt anyone here, think less of him for having these issues.

      However, no matter whether or not she’s lying, I think infinitely less of her. Either she made up a lie she thought was defamatory about someone she claims to care for, or she’s divulging the private health info of someone she claims to care for—someone who’s already under a stressful level of public scrutiny because of his family’s prominence—to an Internet gossip site.

      Who does that? Donkey, your hate campaign has boomeranged back into your repulsive melted scheming face. You should be in some kind of moral quarantine.

      • juliaspublicist says:

        He’s not. No well wishing needed.

        • Donksers says:

          But is he bipolar?

        • Albie Quirky says:

          So she just made this up entirely? What a colossal Thundercunt.

          • juliaspublicist says:

            More like casually implied.

          • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

            Made up, casually implied, sent via Guest of a Guest, whatever–she’s still a colossal thundercunt. I never use that word, so that should give an indication of how egregious, how rotten, how out and out shitty I find this twat’s behavior.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Sounds like the kind of story she would tell her family. Here she is “moving in” with McCain’s son — and then a couple of weeks later, it’s over. Whispers instead of back-slaps at the University Club, Granny wants to know what happened, etc. She’ll never acknowledge her own part in the break-up, so this is the story she sells.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Brilliant deduction.

      • Powerful Moms with Fantastic Sons (aka Cindy M's Med Cab) says:

        She’d had so many boyfriends and “sisters” run away from her in the past couple years alone, she’s probably always coming up with stories to explain their abrupt departures from her life. She probably has a checklist of possible explainations (aka ways to assign blame to the other party!) she can give to the fam. She must be running out of excuses though!

      • Extremely Large Size Medium says:

        I think that makes a lot of sense. After all, her family would want to know why no return on their investment — I’m sure they were trying to get her married off.

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      where’s my popcorn?

      • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

        We’ve got cheese, caramel, and hot buttered, lover. What’ll it be?

        • Dr. Gary says:

          *waves hand wildly in the air*

          Oh, oh!! Can I have caramel popcorn pleeeeease???

          • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

            A giant tub of Garrett’s caramel coming up for my favorite Palatine ortho!

        • Worrisome Pelts says:

          I’ll have the hot buttered lover, please.

          (Your punctuation was correct; I am 12.)

        • sausage curls/fingers says:

          caramel! i’ll make room on the basement couch.

  11. pearipathetic donkey says:

    Hurt? Why would it hurt, you’re finally realizing your dreams. The dreams you couldn’t live if you followed Pancakes to Guam. You’re a video ho now! So. Blessed.

  12. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    So why the emphasis on EXACTLY a year ago yesterday if they helos swarmed Donkey TODAY? Ooooh, so eerie. What’s the “weird” factor in that? She is so frequently off when it comes to numerical concepts, time, etc. (“I laughed for literally 2 and a half minutes…” or whatever it was that she said. See also: “more than 100+ newspapers…” etc.)

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Also, who but a lunatic would know the precise date of the end of a very fleeting relationship? I am not sure I know those sorts of dates for very significant, life-altering, long-lasting relationships. I guess the Excel spreadsheets sometimes come in handy for an insane person.

      • ICrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

        And how unnatural is this forced connection of “exactly a year ago yesterday” + “helicopters today”. It makes no sense, except perhaps as two more ingredients in a scheme juice cocktail. Add in the recent John McC__n quote, the military org retweet, and it appears she’s deliberately trying to hip check herself back into the spotlight. Maybe she recently heard about the rumored engagement? (Tipped off by Mega?) I can only imagine how sickening must it be for ex bfs (and their new gfs) to be shadow stalked for life by such creatures.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        Not only a fleeting relationship, but a relationship that ended because of her crazy privacy invading email hacking behavior!

  13. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    OOPS!

    Sorry JP, did not see this, and will kill mine.

  14. Helobabe says:

    The glasses of wine she shared with Cindy in Coronado before she was escorted out. NEVER FORGET.

    • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

      Have seven more sips, dear heart!

    • This one is a no-boner says:

      I LOVE IT! This chick does shit, IN REAL LIFE, that I wouldn’t do drunk… maybe! and on a bad night!… I would literally never leave my home if I put half the shit she puts out there — and it’s recorded for us forever. Let’s face it, we are her audience. HI, ANDY!

      This reality show will be good for her. Or bad. If she’s ‘recognized’ people will just think to themselves ‘there’s that lonely girl that plays a lonely girl on tv… by the way, have you checked out rebloggingdonk? i love that site!’

      Can I invest in RBD? Jacy and JP will srsly get that FUCK YOU MONEY!

      • This one is a no-boner says:

        OMG I’m drink and just read my comment back to myself… not sure it makes the sense that I wanted it too, but I get it.

        • KrakenSkulls says:

          i get it. there’s no reason this site shouldn’t have a donate button.

          • crazytrain says:

            Eh. The reason is that that might jeopardize some of their fair use protections.

      • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

        Hi!

        Also, I hear angel investing is all the rage right now. You should donate to RBD. The market size is small, but the ROI is amazing.

    • Powerful Moms with Fantastic Sons (aka Cindy M's Med Cab) says:

      I am absolutely no fan of any one of the McCains, but I’d give almost anything to have an evening of wine sipping with Cindy and get all the gossip on Julia (and also the Palin family! I know Cindy would have stories for days on those dear hearts).

  15. This one is a no-boner says:

    What? She’s just at ‘Jack’ and not ‘Jack McCain’? Probably because her fans in the ‘stans might think she dated the Guy That Wants to Shoot Us and Keeel Us I-raqis Son!

    Also? JUST JACK! Yay Will & Grace, and Mr. Biden.

    • solidarity cat says:

      JUST JACK!!!

      [img]http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/50356_2201172647_9025_n.jpg[/img]

      • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

        Let it go, Afghani. For once.

        • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

          leave afghani aloooonneeee! :)
          in part i appreciate that he keeps raising the asshole nature of some of the folks she interacts with. there is a slight tendency here to begin to romanticize those she’s left behind in her life… just b/c they are better than julia doesn’t make them good. jack’s clearly from his public behavior an entitled racist little shit. sadly, julia is worse. but he’s still pretty horrible. same thing happens a lot after anyone parts ways with her – there was love for days for jordan, mary, etc… they’re all the worst.

          • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

            I don’t think everyone that Julia has lured into her wicked web deserves condemnation, nor do I romanticize them. Mare Mare is a ditzy, spoiled blonde who sports a likable screen persona. I’m indifferent to Jordan Reid but glad she got out when she did. As for Pancakes, I hardly feel qualified to condemn him based on one messy post on Nick Denton’s shitcast.

          • Donkey of Perdition says:

            What’s with all the Afghani hate?

  16. Dr. Gary says:

    TEAM YIMMY!

  17. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    She’s so predictable. Periods of intense, yawn-generating quiet are ALWAYS followed by outrageous thundercunting. ALWAYS.

  18. diluted brain says:

    If Jack even gave a fuck about her or their 3 week relationship, he’d probably find this tweet funny but I’m sure he doesn’t follow her twitter or fb at all.

    PS – since she always keeps in touch with her exes (who does that???) I’m sure she’s searching for a reason to reach out to him. I can’t wait until she talks about him on Missadvised like he’s the one who got away.

    • JFA says:

      Exactly. I read this as he attempt to let him know that she still wants him, and she’s hoping he cares. Which is just so sad.

  19. The Missing Davos Report says:

    Helicopter swarming over her? This is just like that scene in Boyz n the Hood! Just need to…

    1. Replace the hood with the marina.
    2. Replace a bad attention victim with a bad attention junkie
    3. Replace a significant other opening a door with an ex-significant other cowering behind one.

  20. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    OT, but still Donkey-related: remember when she quit the Internet for a few days and claimed she was forced to return by conveniently vague contractual obligations? If these obligations ever existed, wouldn’t she be getting sued now that she hasn’t contributed to NonSociety in months? Just a funny example of a Donkey lie that I thought of.

  21. authenticity costume says:

    Keep that chin implant in the air babe! ;)

  22. Dr. Gary says:

    For old time’s sake:

    [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/28wfb4m.png[/img]

  23. Bray Against The Machine says:

    Her life has become so pathetic & ridiculous that a “reblogging” site set-up to reblog her reblogging site would probably be popular.

  24. Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

    OT, but I’m in the Twilight Zone with some of these NS bidges right now. Must do a meet-up soon, cause def no posting. Prof? KS? Where my catladies at?

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

      ?!
      am traveling, will be back friday; email me!

    • krakenskulls says:

      I am always down! I may fly out to DFW this weekend though. If anyone there wants to meet up come in chat and tell me.

  25. PinkDenofIniquity says:

    Like helicopters don’t swarm in LA on a constant basis. The hum of helos is a part of LA living (but I also live in the hood, so…)

    • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

      Exactly. The first time I visited LA, I was struck by all the helicopter traffic, it seemed pretty constant and something I guess locals don’t notice after a while. Donks is still a tourist, ha.

      • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

        A tourist in perpetuity, throughout the universe.

        Pretty draconian when you think of it.

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

          Used to be throughout the universe, but whenever she has an opportunity to leave the US, she now goes to Burning Man instead.

  26. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    Anyone notice this:

    GM West PR Team ‏ @GMNewsWest
    Hey @JuliaAllison! What was your favorite part of your #Chevy #Volt loan?!

    Another case of Donkey taking advantage of a free product and failing to honor her obligation to talk about it? GM has to call her out to get her to say something?

    Speaking of, when is she going to talk about the movers who moved her from Chi-town to LA? What’s that? Chicago never happened so she can’t do that?

    She will always ALWAYS fail because she is a self absorbed, selfish, irresponsible douche.
    Sociopath.

    • Don't let a fucking AC build your influencer list! says:

      GM and the agency that arranged for this loan (I believe Fleishman-Hillard runs this account) need to do their fucking homework about the “influencers” (LOL) they sign up. Also, note that she never once disclosed the loan while braying about it.

      These brands and agencies disgust me almost as much as she does.

      • no ring circus says:

        These brands and agencies disgust me almost as much as she does.

        Word. Some of them get what they deserve, though. Sony-Applegate — NEVAR FORGET!

        http://www.brandchannel.com/home/post/2009/09/23/Minor-Celeb-Endorsements-Trip-Up-Sony-BMW.aspx

        [img]http://i45.tinypic.com/2nkqp2h.png[/img]

        • Albie Quirky says:

          I am just going to remind everyone that when my husband saw the Sony thing, he thought that Julie Albertson was literally a person with cognitive disabilities and he wondered why they would devote their resources to advertising to that particular market niche.

          After I got up off the floor, stopped laughing, and changed my underpants I explained to him.

    • melting marionette says:

      as far as she’s concerned, OMG! roadtrip photos of a tormented dog and toilet-feet fulfill these obligations.

    • A Donkey is a Ass says:

      Of all the weird lies A Donkey tells, her pretending Chicago never happened is one I can get behind. I prefer to believe it didn’t happen. Being in the same city as A Donkey freaks me out.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Did you see her reply?

      @JuliaAllison
      @GMNewsWest – Not having to buy gas!!!!!

      She didn’t include their original tweet, so her reply on its own is very vague. Looks like her way of avoiding the shill. Sneaky Julie is sneaky.

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        the only way we even knew Julia had the Volt on loan was because Toilet Julia tweeted it!
        #ShillFail #MissAdvised #ad

        @VaughnFry ha me too!! It’s my roommates car, a Volt I believe. Electric. Fun to drive

      • now you're just some bunny that i used to know says:

        not only that, but the fact that it was a “free” loan is, in itself, the thing she liked best about it? THAT DOESNT HELP CHEVY AT ALL. because thats not something a chevy volt consumer will have. what a VAPID asshole.

      • Occupy Donkeytown says:

        Does she have an agent who gets her these shills? If the advertiser were to as much as google her, they’d probably want nothing to do with her.

  27. rankles the jankles says:

    How often does Julia try and privately engage the mods?

    • Donksers says:

      I was wondering that same thing, Rankles. Does she communicate with Jacy and JP often or just when she’s trying to get them to post what she wants them to post on RBD?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Rarely. Like maybe once a year?

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Craymas only comes a few times a year…

  28. Sake Bombardier says:

    Maybe the helo is on a Jack McCain’s Belt rescue mission.

  29. miss cankles says:

    Spotted Meghan A today in SF looking gorgeous and holding hands with a hottie. You go, chica.

    • bitchface says:

      what were they doing (i’m picturing them casually strolling down the street, gazing into each others eyes and looking longingly at windows filled with pastries and kittens and alternating between giggling and whispering) who holds hand with someone before 10am on a tuesday?

      Sorry, just weird. They don’t have jobs? They have to make a morning coffee run together after spending the night? They have a morning date?

      *going back to my basement*

      • miss cankles says:

        My guess is she was walking him to work after a night together.

        He looked employed, maybe she was on her way to a “meeting.”

        I don’t know, I always get to work around 9:30 (my job is flexible about this kind of thing) and would conceivably be doing this. If I had someone to do it with.

        (back to the basement!)

        • Albie Quirky says:

          She lives in NY, doesn’t she? So maybe she was just vacationing. I am jealous.

      • Sake Bombardier says:

        I’m picturing her pointing.

  30. LetItExplode says:

    It IS eerie, you guys. Helicopters are really rare.

    • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

      You laugh, but check this out: eight days ago, it’s been EXACTLY two years since The One Who Got Away, my boo the Dalai Lama, dumped my ass after the whole ineffable three weeks we spent together in The Home We Shared, and yesterday I was at a store and I saw a toy that was Made in China!!!! WOW, is that eerie or what? Poetic justice much? I literally teared up.

      • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

        Hunt him down like a game bird, Helena. He WANTS you to.

        • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

          Do you think I should squeeze an unfunny comment complete with a couple of psychotic smilies into an online convo he’s having with other people? Or would it be thexier to post an online photo album of my “exes,” all of whom text me 78 times a day? I figure one of these should do it, but I’m open to suggestions.

          • One Fat Melman says:

            The answer is both, obviously. While you’re at it, why don’t you post some photos of yourself wearing things you’ve stolen from his closet?

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        I’m flouncing for the real world now that this comment has won the Internet in draconian perpetuity.

      • NonSobriety says:

        It’s been seven hours and 15 brays
        Since you took your helo away
        I google myself every night
        And sleep all day
        Since you been gone I can blow whoever I want
        I’ve got tons of new shoes
        I can eat my birthday chicken in a fancy restaurant
        But nothing, nothing can take away these blues
        Cause nothing compares to you

    • Donkolnikov says:

      My ex worked at a liquor store! It’s been EXACTLY 5 months and 14 1/2 days since we broke up, and my bus home drove by a liquor store! I didn’t expect it to hurt so much!! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        Now this mock tweet I’m about to fabricate is your fault.

        @juliaallison: Jack & I broke up exactly a year ago yesterday, and I just saw a bottle of gin, like he used to drain every night.. Weird. I wasn’t expecting it to still hurt.

      • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

        Love and light, Donkolnik Donkolnikin. Love and light.

  31. Heh. It is too laugh that Donkey, consummate burner of bridges, ‘favorite artist’ has a video called “How to Get Over Your Ex” in which he uses bridge-building as an example.

  32. Julia Allison: Whore, Liar and Cunt says:

    Spotted last night in SF: Meghan Asha at dinner with Randi Zuckerberg and Caroline McCarthy. Oh, to be a fly on the wall!

    • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

      I always imagine that those who have ever been friendly with Donkey have some kind of informal support group to help them deal with the psychological (and, in Meghan’s case, financial) fallout of such an association. Hey ladies, at least you didn’t FUCK a donkey!

    • New Year New You says:

      Fly on the wall? Fly in their soup? I’d have pretended to be their waitress and started serving them. Dropping in a “hee haw” everytime I left the table.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        “So, that’ll be one Alpo dry kibble souffle, a helping of fruit leather beef jerky and a plate of mutton dressed as lamb in OMGBearnaise sauce? Are you interested in our fish and pork special today, ladies? Yes – it’s the Sausage Snapper. Also feel free to let me know if you have any requests from the raw bar. Our clam dungeon is famous from here to Burning Man.”

    • Maybe Meghannaise & OMG!Bears! are going to be on OMG!Randi!’s show.

      Donkey’s head implosion in about four hours when she wakes up & reads here w/ seething jealousy is going to be off the Richter Scale.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      Between Randi’s teeth, Meghan’s brain and Caro’s boobs, there is the making of a Frankenhooker sequel right there.

      • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

        Caroline has a great rack and a brain to match.

        • Frequent Liar Miles says:

          I will always the Caro. There’s just something I like about that kid.

        • New Year New You says:

          I particularly like the way she demonstrates she’s a two faced bitch. And that she too play friends with people for what she can get from them. What a doll.

          • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

            Yes to this, although the three of them together give me the extra heebie-jeebies. The Weird Sisters had nothing on this combo.

          • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

            I have known Caroline for years and I can tell you that this is far from the truth. You don’t have to believe me, of course.

      • AFGHANI says:

        @Caro is a cool person. She’s too nice to laugh at Donkey openly, but she obviously reads here, as demonstrated by past drop-ins.

  33. ShesJustStupid says:

    Yuck she’s tweeting about New York again. Move back and DO WHAT, Julie? She must really be striking out with the LA mens…

    Julia Allison @JuliaAllison 9m
    Basically the whole car thing makes me want to move back to New York.
    View details ·

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      I never understood what the hell she thought she would do in LA. The aesthetic is entirely different and “shrill eccentric” just isn’t what anyone is looking for. Which isn’t to say New York is a land of opportunity for her, but anyplace where Jerry Seinfeld walks the streets unshot probably has a higher tolerance level for her brand of bullshit.

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        I think it’s probably easier and more accepted to sit on your ass and be a “brand” in LA. She’s such an idiot. “having a car is so expensive and such a pain! And the men are SHALLOW!” meanwhile, back in nyc: “living in a shoebox is ridiculously expensive. And the men are MEAN!”

      • rankles the jankles says:

        Oh, NOW she’s concerned about car maintenance. Not when it was her boyfriend’s car she she borrowed sans permission in NYC and was conveniently filmed by Gawker getting a parking ticket.

    • i.just.cant! says:

      ‘the whole car thing?’ it’s just that you leased a car that is out of your price range, dumb twat! huscat and i just bought a used rogue. so happy with it. i give zero fucks about status cars. all i wanted was a safe reliable cheap vehicle that will get me from point a to b. still lol-ing at juliar’s new purchase. whyy are you so stupid, lady!?

      • sausage curls/fingers says:

        I drive a 94 Accord. I don’t get nods of approval from guys I pass on the road or a sense of superiority but I figure I can make up for that with oh, I don’t know, the rest of my life. Too bad Julie can’t say the same.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Except that she spent a year in Chicago between L.A. and New York. Weird how she never mentions it. What is that about? Why the hometown hatred?

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        Was it really a whole year there? That’s amazing. She spent most of her time flying to either coast on BS excuses and, of course, there was L’Affaire Du Jacques that took her to Pensacola once and San Diego thereafter. I swear she never spent a two-week period in Chicago. She hates that city yet knows nothing about it. Of course, it seemed like when she lived in nyc, she was flying home all the time. There’s no way she’s making it 13 more months in MDR.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        Because I think to admit she lived there opens the door to the fact that her parents were boarding her. It’s no different than living in her parent’s basement, she sees it as a shame. Know who else lived with their parents, Donkey, Lena Dunham of “Girls” who you are always Tweeting and Hee Hawing about.

      • Who do you think you are? says:

        But, wait! There was a magazine cover article announcing her triumphant return to her hometown! Photographed in the OMG!Downtown Condo!

        I know, that was ages ago.

  34. JuliaCleaver says:

    Wild Things Book author died.. did Donkey notice?

    • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

      Yeah, surprised she’s not using it as an excuse to stalk/tweet Toph Eggers.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        You beat me to it. Feel free to AK my pig-faced avatar. Bacon for everyone!

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      OMG! Codename: TK likes Where the Wild Things Are! This is totally surreal! She’d better comfort him with a pic of herself dressed as Sexy Max! It’s like the universe is giving her what she needs: a non-existent pretext to contact an ex!

      (I wish I were kidding. She’s totally going to email him a link to the obit with a sadface emoticon and her phone number.)

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      EXCUSE ME! Donkey is 1/435th Jewish. She is currently sitting shiva, Jesus.

    • Donkey of Perdition says:

      Did you catch him on the Colbert Report a few months ago? He’s fucking hilarious.

  35. ShesJustStupid says:

    Did she really have no Plan b for when the show ended? From her FB:

    “Sometimes my dog stands on three paws, with one paw up in the air, as if she’s not really quite decided on the direction she’d like to be going, but wants to be prepared, no matter what goes down. And she looks at me with this quizzical face, all “would you like to weigh in on the outcome of this here paw in the air?”

    And I feel like that’s pretty much an apt analogy for my life.”

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      She is so pathetic. GROW UP. I don’t love LA, that said, when I was a newbie, there was a shit load to discover and do. GO TAKE YOUR SURFING LESSON JULIA! Go to Chinatown, go to El Matador beach, home about the Getty (the Herb Ritts exhibit is fantastic) GO VOLUNTEER!!! She is so mind numbingly boring and self involved.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Her plan was that she would become famous and meet a wallet guy who would take care of everything, happily ever after, the end.

      Seriously, I think that was her plan.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      No she doesn’t. She really thinks that the show is going to take off and she is going to be rocketed to the fame she think she deserves. She has absolutely no plans for after the show’s premiere, thinking that the offers will be pouring in.

      Honey.

  36. K_Swizz says:

    I just can’t with this bitch today.

    Guess what hon? I found out this week that my ex (who I was with for three fucking years) is spawning with his new wife. Ya know what I did? Offered a hearty congrats! and bought them a cute onesie. Because I am an adult.

    Also O/T but for any of you following the WI recall: it’s looking good. REAL good.

  37. bitfchface says:

    ok just watched Andy Cohen (oh hai Andy!!!) on Colbert and found him appealing.

    now if he exposes julia allison baugher as the sad joke she is, then all will be right in the world

  38. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    rest in peace, Granny Baugher.

    • Ineffably protracted cankle says:

      She seemed damn cool.

      The only time ive ever used retail therapy was when my grandmother passed away. I bought a hat, and every time I wore it, I thought of her. Best purchase of my life.

      My thoughts are with the donksers clan today. It must be hard to lose someone do obviously full of life

    • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

      Granny died? When?
      I miss my grandmothers, and grandfathers, so much.

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        per her twitter, “tonight” = 6 am pacific time = julia was up all night, again.

    • juliaspublicist says:

      : (

  39. featherbrained says:

    Julia Allison of Miss Advised is on the 2012 Webutante Committee http://tnw.to/1ELph

Comments are closed.