Julia Allison Has A New Job

Julia Allison, former internationally syndicated social media columnist who won the Pulitzer Prize for being fucking stupid and pointless, is once again gainfully employed. She discreetly announced on Facebook, as we previously announced, that she is a contributing writer for Elle. But manic litigator Dadsers didn’t get her this job. No, our word-stringing Donkey can thank Bravo for this one, because how in the hell can she be in a reality show about “relationship experts” if she doesn’t have a job, much less one that involves her being a “relationship expert?”

I’m sure Julia Allison is relieved that she has those tens of dollars to help with her car lease payments, and I’m sure an editor at Elle will soon be demanding a substantial raise to put up with her heehawing, terminally late bullshit.

Meanwhile. . .

It’s always slightly strange when you realize the men you date are just human.

Um. . . no it isn’t, you fucktard. But then again, I’m not one who thinks of men as wallets or publicity opportunities, so what do I know?

Photo: Above is Julia Allison and Julia Allison’s differently colored plastic clip-in hair featured in the pages of Elle UK that one time she made that What I Wore chick design something for her. I think there was some screwing over involved, but I can’t remember. Also pictured: Mary Rambin in the background thinking, “Fuck this bitch.”

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179 Responses to Julia Allison Has A New Job

  1. Jenny f says:

    Bingo!

  2. Worrisome Pelts misses pre-JA Gawker says:

    Christ, what an asshole.

  3. JuLIAR Allison says:

    I’m sure Elle are going to be so pleased that their new columnist “will be hated by every reality TV-loving, single woman over the age of 30?” ie, most of their readers.

    And exactly *what* advice could Lady Hee-Haw possibly impart to Elle readers? She has the emotional insight of a home-schooled teenager, and 15-year-olds generally don’t read the mag. Unless they’re Tavi. Which most aren’t.

    I sense this is not going to go well. Or for very long. I give it four columns. Six tops.

  4. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    The world is a dark place indeed if Julia Allison has to date mere humans.

    • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

      And by “date” she means driving 400 miles to stalk someone in another city and disguise it as a “girl’s roadtrip!!”

    • sausage curls/fingers says:

      I’m guessing she was shaken when she realized DeStorm isn’t a machine that dispenses convenient @replies on twitter.

  5. Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

    How do you think those idiots on The Hills got the jobs they did? These brands want to be on TV, too, and they don’t care what moron is placed. They look good either way cause if they do a good job, great. And if they suck, then they look good telling them they’re going to be fired unless they shape up. I bet they’re paying something to get their brand on the show.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      Bingo (wings)!

    • New Year New You says:

      Yeah, this is why this doesn’t even bother me that much. American Elle and Vogue have become such a joke with their only “employing” socialites and “celebs” in the name of PR, that I take nothing they do seriously.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      “Contributing writer” sounds more like freelancer than columnist.

      • Andy Wintour Hacks (up a hairball) says:

        According to the GOOG, the contributing writer definition is: “In magazine publishing and book anthologies, a writer who contributes an article or chapter but who is not on the magazine’s staff or the primary writer for the book.”

        Therefore, you must be correct, SS. The GOOG says so.

    • ugh says:

      I remember when Elle ‘hired’ Olivia Palermo on The City and Erin, who seemed like an actual employee, sat there the entire time giving her ‘bitch, please’ looks. It was hilarious.

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Yeah, but those girls were young and pretty … Donkey is neither.

  6. Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

    “…who won the Pulitzer Prize for being fucking stupid and pointless…”

    APPLAUSE!

    PS, wow, how much has she fucked up her face?????

  7. sausage curls/fingers says:

    Are they going to go back and refilm for this so it looks like she had a job the whole time? Maybe some older shots of her frenzied typing on her computer (the screen turned away so viewers can’t see she’s actually cyber stalking her exes) and adding in a voice over about “I was working on my column for Elle and I couldn’t help but wonder…”?

    • The Manta says:

      I will pay cash money if someone dubs in the ‘Doogie Howser M.D.’ music in the background if they do that…

  8. Fameless Shamewhore says:

    In that I-don’t-know-why-I’m-surprised-anymore way, I was nonetheless horrifed to read this tweet:

    @JuliaAllison
    And one day I will tell you all the story of the 38-YEAR-OLD MAN WITH A LAW DEGREE who reeked of A SPRAY TAN on our first date. REALLY, LA?!

    I just Kant. She went on a date with someone and is actually tweeting a horrible, mean comment about him to the whole internet? This is such shitty behaviour. I know, I know, not the number one worst thing she has ever done. But I often find it is the low-level cuntiness that gets me.

    REALLY, JULIA?!

    • New Year New You says:

      What like you go on dates reeking of dry shampoo Julia? With clip in hair? REALLY, JULIA?

    • Donksers says:

      What an obnoxious, typical Julia Allison tweet. Love the way she threw in at the end “REALLY, LA?!” trying to sound so superior and cool when that phrase just seems a little off there. (I love Shamewhore’s mocking “REALLY, JULIA?!”) It has never in her life occurred to her that the guy she’s out with just might be thinking SHE is the asshole. The lawyer was probably texting his friends that he was going to hurl because his date smelled of donkey!

      • sausage curls/fingers says:

        first New York, now LA. is there no end to the betrayals?

        • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

          New York failed, LA failed, Copenhagen was boring, Chicago hardly ever gets a mere mention….

          The only place that really made it was Planet Jack and I (TM Jacy), aka The Home We Shared complete with romantic walks under booming jets, apparently.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        Julia, I think you’re doing a really good job of foreshadowing running back to Mommy and Daddy’s stall in Chicago!!!

        Good job!!!!

    • juliajane says:

      What the fuck? She’s so fucking bitchy. She’s mad the guy smelled like a spray tan? Oh honey, that’s the least of your problems when going on a first date.

      I’m sure he probably tweeted ‘And one day I’ll tell you the story of a 31 year old Donkey WITH SAUSAGE CURLS who wore thick stage makeup, a prom outfit and brayed all night on our first date.’

    • juliajane says:

      Also, I love how she is so condescending that a 38 year old with a LAW DEGREE gets spray tans and yet she, employed in a series of fake jobs and 31 years old has had:
      – Multiple plastic surgeries
      – Botox
      – Fillers
      – Laser hair removal
      – Spray tans
      – Wears incredibly heavy makeup
      – And contorts her body in every photograph ever taken of her to appear as thin and SEXAY as possible.

      • Julie Booger's Crown Is Upside Down says:

        I haven’t the foggiest clue how spray tans smell because I’ve never had one. Booger, on the other hand…

    • CUNTBunnies! says:

      srsly, cause I’ve never been to a tanning place in my life… does spray tan have a smell? what does it smell like?

      • Dr. Bobby Is Hiring says:

        It smells kind of like wet dog. And if you sweat while wearing it, it will run down your arms and legs.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Chemical-y. Like old ladies’ hairspray.

    • supermassive black holes says:

      The tan was for the cameras; the stink was for repelling donkeys.

    • KashMoney says:

      what she smelled as “spray tan” was actually simply “terror”

    • now you're just some bunny that i used to know says:

      this is exactly why i logged on today. what a truly hateful woman! i cannot believe she is 31 years old. i am 10 years her junior and would never, ever tweet about a first date like that and my twitter is private!

    • anon says:

      Tucker Max is 36 and has a law degree.

    • Casa Del Sweden Is A City, Whatever, It's Miss Cast says:

      Their “first” date.
      Hehe, right….

    • How pathetisad is pathetisad Donkey?

      She doesn’t have the good grace to reserve this commentary for an amusing convo w/ friends, at her own expense, being that she’s the real loser in this entire scenario?

      Nope, cuz she has no friends, first off, & then she herself reeks so vehemently of desperation & scheme juices that she doesn’t get ‘asked out’ on dates; Donkey de Tardo only goes on dates bought & paid for by Bravo … dates in which a bukastacized facial fraudster dons flammable quinceañera dresses & plastic pelts & VS chicken cutlets & purloined tiaras & mistakenly thinks she is the ‘real deal’?

      Oh, honey … it is to laugh. And laugh. And laugh some more.

    • NonSobriety says:

      A Poem for A Donkey:

      It’s not NY.
      It’s not LA.
      Wherever you go,
      There you bray.

  9. Can-Swiss says:

    If they gave her a fake job, why after the filming? Wouldn’t it have made more sense to have her doing this while the show was taping?

    I don’t get it. I give her 6 months before she is fired- wait, sorry, “no longer writing for them but we still talk every day”.

    I think there should be another poll! How long before JABs gets dropped by Elle?

    • virgil reid says:

      someone probably knows better than me, but i thought with most reality shows that even after filming, they basically “own” you for another six months or year. the elle gig is to keep the interest going for once the show actually airs and i think it will probably stop once the season is over.

    • Julie Booger's Crown Is Upside Down says:

      She’s had the gig for a while, I’m guessing she was told to STFU until her first piece was published. Fashion mags in particular run several months ahead.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Cross-promotion with when the show is airing, I would guess. Bravo wouldn’t waste its time getting her a fake job if it didn’t bring eyeballs while the show was actually on.

      It’s not like her procrastinating about writing one of her shitty columns would make for good TV; better that Bravo use its clout when it would do them the most good (someone sees A Donkey’s column while they’re waiting for the hairdresser and thinks “I have to watch this show to see if this chick is really as stupid as she seems!”).

  10. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    I can’t find it now, but yesterday there was a third tweet in this series, Donkey responding to Aubs with something like “Oh, I didn’t mean you, you can pull anything off, you’re the greatest, blah blah blah.” Such perfect example of how detestable she is. Your’e such a huge tool for doing X, well, unless you’re someone I’m friends with or someone who can help me in some way. I meant it, but I didn’t mean it for you. LOSER.

    Its behavior like this that gives me comfort every time she gets a new opportunity or gig (like the Elle fake column). I am reminded that she can’t help but fuck it up because she is such a fake, detestable, transparant ass.

    Julia Allison ‏ @JuliaAllison
    WHY ARE YOU WEARING SUNGLASSES IN YOUR TWITTER PROFILE PIC YOU DOUCHE!??! ARGHHH! (Sorry. Private thought process gone public. As you were.)

    Aubrey Sabala ‏ @Aubs
    @JuliaAllison Because I’ve always aspired to being called a douche by you. Life dreams realized. 🙂

    • Scooby Don't says:

      Donkey, donkey, donkey.
      You really flatter yourself.
      Nothing that goes on in your mind can be called a thought process.
      More like thought inertia.

    • supermassive red cheeks says:

      Once I stopped laughing at the notion that Julia Allison has ever had a private thought she didn’t immediately make public, I struggled to understand the nuances that differentiate a douchey profile pic from one that is amazeballz.

      There has to be more to it than just sunglasses.

      [img]http://i46.tinypic.com/2582bli.jpg[/img]
      [img]http://i49.tinypic.com/n382zc.jpg[/img]

      • How fuck … is that … what’s up with … it’s like …?
        Her hairline! Was it being overtaken by dandruff?

        • KS says:

          b-

          i love ya but cmon. this is why people hate body snark. it’s petty, this pic is old as fuck, who GIVES a shit about her hairline and what, are you a fucking “10”?

          • KS, I love your fucking guts too, but I am genuinely & morbidly curious about those largish white globs of chum in her hair that stand out more than just a little, like why doesn’t she ever wash that shit, especially when going somewhere w/ every intention of being fauxtographed?

  11. JFA says:

    People still read magazines?

    • Extremely Large Size Medium says:

      People still read Elle?

      That’s the kind of magazine I consider when I’m at the hair stylist for three flippin’ hours, and then reject because I’d rather continue to search on my phone for the End of the Internet.

  12. JFA says:

    Also I always laugh when she claims to be “dating.” I wonder what THEY call it?

  13. ShesJustStupid says:

    What do we think this is all about?

    JuliaAllison I’ve been looking forward to this night for over a year. Didn’t think it would ever really happen.

    • now you're just some bunny that i used to know says:

      probably her date with an overly spray tanned lawyer.

    • supermassive black holes says:

      First time she’s been able to stalk her victims from the privacy of her very own car?

    • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

      DeStorm FINALLY responded to a tweet. A boy liking you means everything, bunnies!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      The first date with some dude whom she subsequently publicly humiliated. Because smelling of a spray tan (??) is so much worse than walking around with pelts attached to your head and your eyelids, and injecting so much shit into your face that you look like a muppet.

      • supermassive red cheeks says:

        What’s the difference between a bitch and a cunt?

        A bitch would have just mentioned the smell of spray tanner so that the dude in question could have recognized himself.

        A cunt adds enough personal detail to ensure that the dude’s friends and family can recognize him, too.

    • JFA says:

      Oh jesus. Some cryptic mention of some OMG AMAZEBALLS thing happening that no one ever hears about again, to try to prove to the zero people who are paying attention that her life isn’t as sad as she feels inside. Guaranteed no one asked about it. Sad Donkey is sad.

  14. rebloggingdonk.tv says:

    So, if someone buys Rebloggingdonk.tv and creates a video about your site, would you say there’s a potential living to be made? The saddest part being that we’re all dependent on JA. Maybe the future isn’t so bright.

    • AFGHANI says:

      STFU, no one is dependent on Donkarina. She’s good for laughs every so often, though.

    • Sausage Snappers says:

      We pick up and leave this site at any time; this isn’t our everything. Julia is the one who needs us. Without us she would get zero opportunities. We’re all she has and the only thing keeping her relevant. (It’s why my cat insists she’s in on the joke and runs this place. Little does he know that Julia is far too dumb to pull that off. She is smart enough to use us to get doors opened, though.)

      • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

        Also, I don’t think many of us are looking for “a potential living to be made,” seeing as there are such things as jobs and lives.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        If she were secretly running this place our posts would always mention how pretty and famous and desirable she is.

    • supermassive black holes says:

      Who would watch a show about people reading and typing about Julia Allison, other than the Donkey herself? I follow dozens of trainwreck people, places, and things for my daily dose of therapeutic laughter. Julia must continue to humiliate herself for my amusement, or I will cancel and replace her in my personal entertainment lineup. Now dance, Donkey, DANCE!!

  15. Brent-the-Donkey-handler says:

    Looking forward to the mandatory photo shoot announcing the arranged job.

  16. now you're just some bunny that i used to know says:

    Yesterday, my boyfriend and I went to our usual belt-sushi place for lunch and a heinous Julia-soundalike (and kind of look alike, actually) was sitting SIX places away and we overheard her entire conversation. I’ve never wanted to slap a person more. She went on and on and on and on about how… actually. Let me just do a near verbatim recreation:
    “Yeah, so we went on this date, and I could tell he was totally into me, but when the check came he asked if I wanted to see it and thats when I knew we were going dutch on our first date!!! It was such a turnoff. I had already told him how much I value manners and chivalry and he wanted me to pay?! It’s really important to me that a guy is financially responsible… I mean, I’d gladly live off ramen for a week so I could save my pride instead of making a girl pay $30 for dinner.” But she didn’t stop. She KEPT going on about how guys “really like her” but it never really gets past a second date and she “doesn’t understand why they’d want a second date because they never learn anything about me on the first! They talk the whole time!!”

    It’s not that I inherently disagree… she made it clear the guy had asked her out, but jesus christ, entitlement is NOT cute and if she conducted herself on that date the way she did at sushi, no SHIT she finds herself going dutch all the time. It took all the energy I had not to walk up and tap her on the shoulder and say, “Look, lady, the only common denominator between you and all these shitty dates is YOU.” My boyfriend and I were appalled. As we left, I looked at my boo and said, “This one is on me.” What a gigantic twat. I hate that Julias are everywhere.

    Sorry for such an (off topic?) rant. I just knew you guys would understand. UGH.

    • now you're just some bunny that i used to know says:

      it was when she equated the guy asking her to pay to meaning he was somehow financially irresponsible that really drove my tabby & I crazy. how vapid do you have to be?!

    • Helena (Lots And Lots Of Love And Light And Bach) says:

      Braying so loudly that people sitting six places away have no option but to hear your bray is bad enough in itself, no matter the subject (I don’t know, but this is a really big thing for me; I think I’d be far less of a jealous obese hater if Donkey weren’t so LOUD), but braying loudly about your stupid entitlement issues and “guys like me so much, I swear they do!” is pure idiotic assholery.

      I love that you ended up buying your bf’s dinner. Good job.

      • Donksers says:

        I agree. Donkey’s insistence that everyone, everywhere has to hear everything she brays is one of her most annoying traits.

    • supermassive black holes says:

      Ha, maybe the dude had planned to pay, but got so turned off by all her clumsy “hints” about chivalry and manners that he changed his mind. No doubt he wanted to turn her off on purpose. Like Julia, I’m no dating expert, but isn’t this stuff worked out in advance nowadays? In my era, women weren’t alllowed to earn their own money (slight exaggeration).

      • now you're just some bunny that i used to know says:

        That’s the exact conclusion my bf and I came to. At one point he said through a smile, “Oh yeah I’m sure he was just completely smitten” HAH. What a dumb.

  17. Delurked says:

    OT, but she posted this on Facebook and it is to LOL:
    “I vividly remember reading this piece, “30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Know By the Time She’s 30,” when it was first published in Glamour magazine, fifteen years ago, in 1997, and then a few times over the course of the next decade.

    Today, I read it again. What astounded me was that I can legitimately – for the first time in my life – check off EVERY ITEM on that list. I’m 31, and it feels goddamn good.”

    my personal favorite, from the “Things to Know” half of the list:

    14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

    • supermassive black holes says:

      Transbraytion: Julia Allison, newest Contributing Writer to Elle magazine, is combing through 15-year old copies of Glamour for “inspiration”. This should be interesting…

    • Occupy Donkeytown says:

      That “goddamn” is insufferable.

      • JFA says:

        EVERYTHING about that is insufferable. For the first time in your life? How many times have you reread that, previously? I call bullshit, as usual. Also, it’s a stupid fucking MEANINGLESS BUCKET LIST. you are that proud of the fact that you can check off a buncha shit some shithead wrote about the shit you should have done or owned by age 30? Jesus Christ. That is not an accomplishment, especially given the utter superficiality of that stupid fucking list. She’s a moron.

        Seriously. I can’t.

        • JFA says:

          She’s “astounded.” By herself. Because at 31, she owns or has experienced a dozen stupid fucking things some twit deemed essential to any given 30 year old. ASTOUNDED!!!! She owns a nice handbag! She has one ex she would date again! Or whatever the fuck.

          Simply astounding. Fuck you!

        • Delurked says:

          my thoughts exactly. first of all, i don’t believe for a SECOND she “vividly remembers” reading it, it’s just another one of her completely pointless lies. second, the list itself is fucking dumb as hell. give me a break.

  18. KashMoney says:

    One more thing: as if the retardedly redundant title of “contributing writer” (as opposed to “contributor”) weren’t enough, I am sure that all that will happen is that they run 2-4 pieces by her in the 2 months the show is on air.

  19. عبد الله علي إبراهيم says:

    I am excited for column, it will be very stuff

  20. Casa Del Sweden Is A City, Whatever, It's Miss Cast says:

    Lather, rinse, re-fail

  21. JuliaCleaver says:

    Lets fix Donkey’s words:

    It’s always slightly strange when you realize the men you date are just human.

    Becomes:

    It’s always slightly strange when you realize Donkey has no friends other than RBD.’

    .

  22. NonSobriety says:

    Donk has more issues than Elle.
    That could pose a problem.

    🙂

    • Cut. Don't use that. says:

      Oh lord, the smugness is about to go INTO THE RED with this bish, what with the driving around in her C-unt Class Mercedes and the new “writing gig.”

      Sadly, because Julia Baugher is as repetitive as a metronome, she’ll hand in lazy, unpublishable crap columns late (if at all), and Elle will drop her raft ass just soon as they can. You know, the same way she was fired the Chicago Tribune, Star Magazine, Time Out…basically any “job” someone has ever arranged for her.

      Looking forward to her editors (ie the people who will write the column) joining us in the basement. Just like Andy Cohen of BRAVO!

      • Cut. Don't use that. says:

        Oh, and she was fired from New York City.

        • Whimsical Whackjob says:

          Love the username, Cut.

        • Brent-the-Donkey-handler says:

          Donkey has been fired from Indiana U., The Hoya, AM New York, Time Out, STAR Magazine, Greg Gutfeld’s Red Eye Show, Rosie O’Donnell’s Hell’s Kitchen pied-a-terre,
          REDACTED’s life, Mary Rambin’s life, Jordan Reid’s life, Jack McCain’s life, TMS, Randi Z’s life, etc, etc…

          • Albie Quirky says:

            All that’s left is for her to be fired from a cannon.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Albie: Just saw this and laughed so hard.

            Will she be wearing a tutu when she’s shot from the cannon?

  23. That fauxto up top may be the weirdest one I’ve ever seen of Donkey …

    Definitely the most unflattering one ever of her hind legs …
    Front fetlocks don’t even look like they belong on the same body …
    The mis-matched pelts were very mis-advised, to say the least …
    Is if that tube top is covering nips, her tits must hang 1/2way to her navel …

  24. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    Fuck me, that wide stance is making MY hips hurt.

  25. Nickelodeon Chic says:

    Just saw Young Adult. You guys were not kidding about Julia being Mavis.

    Also, just read Millionaire Next Door. I love how Julia is basically a case study in two of the books biggest cautionary tales, both “high earning, low net worth” behavior (showy, spendy, debt-financed) and in “children whose hardworking parents ruined them by allowing them to stay on the dole.” Everything about her life makes her the poster child for how NOT to build wealth.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I saw it recently too and though there were a lot of differences — Charlize is stunning, for one, and that was a big part of the narrative — there were lots of moments when I thought Diablo Cody was at least a part-time cat lady. Some of her characteristics were chillingly familiar. The scenes with her parents — I really wonder if that’s how it is at the Baugher dinner table when she’s continuing to obsess about long ago exes. And the treatment of the dog. And her inability to believe that her ex is not in any way interested in resuming anything with her.

      • AFGHANI says:

        I haven’t seen the movie, but I’d have a hard time seeing parallels between Julia and Charlize Theron. Would not be believable to me, even if she was acting in some of the same ways.

        • Zandra says:

          How about Theron in ‘Monster’?

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          When she’s listening to that fucking horrific Four Bad Suck-ass Blondes song that Donkey lip-dubbed in the chairlift — that was a real “holy shit” moment.

    • AFGHANI says:

      Millionaire Next Door is a good book, I read it when I was a teenager and it really stuck with me. It’s so much different than the usual “financial advice” bullshit floating around out there. The central thesis of the book was something like: Being wealthy is largely a matter of setting priorities, working hard, reading the fine print/shopping around, and having self esteem rather than relying on approval of others. Obviously, this doesn’t apply to every situation, some people win the lottery and get “unearned” wealth, while others work hard yet end up poor due to tragedies. But their research was based on thousands of interviews and reviewing tons of data. Their prototypical “millionaire next door” was a person who saved 20% of income for many years, paid off their house, bought (never leased) their cars and kept them for long periods of time, and knew how to determine “value” apart from cost.

  26. LetItExplode says:

    Hate to rain on everyone’s parade but she probably signed a year contract worth at least $75K with Elle if she’s going to be a regular columnist, probably six figures though.

    I would dislike my own post if I could.

    • “Conttibutor” does not a regular columnist make …

      In other words, MY parade remains dry & intact 🙂

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      Why do you say so?

      • LetItExplode says:

        Because my title is contributing writer and that’s what I make. And I’m on the low side for contributing writers at my magazine (not Elle). But I have freelanced for them and for Glamour and the pay is competitive to the rag I’m on contract with now. I would be stunned if they’re only paying her $300 a column as has been suggested in the comments here, unless she’s writing 200 word pieces. Plus they’re basically paying for advertisement on the show.

        (Obviously just because she signs a year contract for, say, $75K doesn’t mean she’ll actually last the 12 months.)

        • LetItExplode says:

          I’m also (probably stupid for) assuming she’s actually going to be writing for them instead of, you know, google stalking exes for a living.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          But you’re an actual writer. She isn’t; this is just a cross-promotion with the teevee. Whatsherbucket from “The Hills” didn’t get paid an actual accessories girl’s salary either.

          Titles are cheap.

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          I promise you, she is getting paid a very, very small sum, if anything. Deals like this benefit the magazine (exposure) and the Network (able to justify the bullshit they are selling) – THAT IS ALL.

          It’s no different than when Donkey is going to do product placement for a Chevy Volt or whatever car she’ll be shilling in a show. You’ll think, “Wow, a Donkey drives that car – I HAVE TO HAVE ONE.
          The reality? Chevy loaned her the car for a week, Chevy paid Bravo to product place the car. Bravo used the money to offset what it was paying Blondie Girl to pay for production.

          A Donkey does not benefit. Same with this article. Trust. What she is getting out of it is getting to put it on her resume forever, in perpetuity.

          • LetItExplode says:

            Ok, good to know. I know nothing about shilling.

            Also, I work 70 hour weeks and have the same job title as Julia Allison. FML.

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            Yes but everyone in the biz knows her title is bought – it means nothing. Promise.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I seriously doubt that and I am “in the biz.”

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Seconding. I would be surprised if E. Jean even got that much, and she’s awesome.

      • LetItExplode says:

        Something must’ve happened financially to embolden her to go lease that Mercedes. Or maybe the Julias found some poor sap to sublet their couch for $499 a night.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          She probably got her second slice of tv money, is all (since filming just ended).

    • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

      That’s HIGHLY unlikely. If Julia were a “name” writer she might get a good deal – even then $75K is waaaay over the top – but this is a favor Elle are doing for Bravo. She might get $150-$200 per column, at most.

      Magazine budgets are shrinking, I know this firsthand.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Soooooooooooooo unlikely. This is the same kind of deal as when ELLE hired the chick from “The Hills,” I’d bet the farm on it.

      Donkey will have 3, max 4 shitty columns in the mag before the plug is pulled.

      • KashMoney says:

        though it may be the same kind of deal conceptually, there is no way this is going to be the same kind of deal financially.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          I thought ELLE didn’t pay Palermo at all, classifying her gig as an “internship” because she was already getting paid by MTV? So I think it is the same deal financially.

          But I may be misremembering that.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      LIE – she wishes she was making $75k. The deal that’s being made is most certainly between the network (Bravo) and Elle. I would guarantee that a writer is being assigned to write this articles (to make sure they are “Elle” worthy). Then Julia will do a “polish” and add some Donk-isms.

      Elle is doing this for the exposure. Bravo is doing this so a Donkey looks legitimate. Donkey is no more a writer at Elle as Olivia was an accessories editor on “The City.”

      Bravo/MTV just knows it would be boring if these reality TV assholes had no where to go all day.

      • Zandra says:

        I would take fashion advice from Olivia in a heartbeat. Would I take relationship advice from a Donkey? No. Who would?!

  27. Jimbo says:

    I want to see Rambin on Julia’s new reality show!

  28. Stripper Shows Smell Like Spray Tan says:

    Why is any man still interested in this bidge?

  29. bitfchface says:

    stop me oh oh oh stop me, stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before
    (to a wider and wider audience until there is no one left who can never the donkey)

    [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/10igbiw.jpg[/img]

    • bitfchface says:

      look at meeeeee
      Just randomly came across these. In my mind, this is how Julia Allison Baugher looks

    • Donkey Ho-Tay says:

      Smiths reference? I love our cat basement.

      • CDB says:

        [img]http://i1244.photobucket.com/albums/gg577/thischarmlessgirl/Morrissey%20and%20The%20Smiths%20collection/tcm_french12.jpg[/img]

        • CDB says:

          So Large and metaphysical.. SS SF

        • CaptainGary says:

          My most prized 7″. Yet another reason to love the basement.

          • Donkey Ho-Tay says:

            I was listening to Strangeways today and thought of her: “Unhappy Birthday” (lyrically) and “Paint A Vulgar Picture” (in title only).

  30. DSM V: JFA Edition says:

    hi julia. quick question dear… I am sorry that people here don’t believe you that you’ve never been fired, and that what have been fully mutual/amicable decisions to not renew (or sometimes complete) your contracts at Star, TONY, that subway rag, Trib Media Services, etc… are misinterpreted.
    I am curious though if while being forced to set the record straight repeatedly with the haters, you ever find it odd that you’ve never had a contract renewed? I am clearly a no nothing hick, clearly jealous of your entire being, but I had always assumed that at least occasionally people who do a good job are asked to stick around. I’ve obviously got a lot to learn about real bidness… And come to think of it, your friendships are a lot like that too…

  31. Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

    SOMEONE please go get the pic of her on FB grabbing Taryn Southern’s boobs…

    • The Final Rose says:

      I love that she tagged DeStorm Power’s arm in that picture. And the smugface in the picture she posted on Twitter is off-the-charts.

    • cupcake cray cray says:

      that picture emphasizes her man-hands to the nth-degree. the longer I look at it, the more it grosses me out.

      I also find it interesting that in any other picture when she’s kissing someone’s cheek or eating something or whatever, she finds a way to make eye contact with the camera…but in this picture, where she’s feeling up another chick, she’s so engrossed in what she’s doing that her eyes remain on taryn.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        DeStorm untagged himself – HYSTERICAL!!!!!

        DeStorm is friends with Shira and Tayrn, I’m sure he was there for that and not to be with Bionic Lesbian Donkey. Yeah, I said it, this Donkey does not like the mens.

    • Some Girl says:

      [img]http://i48.tinypic.com/34zkn6d.jpg[/img]

      • fig says:

        But…why????

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        She’s not just copping a feel – she is violently grabbing this girls boobs – giving her a mammogram in fact.

        Probably all for DeStorm’s benefit… “See how wild and quirky I am even though I don’t take any sips of alcohol! … DeStorm… why are you untagging your arm from this photo? DESTORM???? YOU SHIT HEAD!!!”

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        I can’t take my eyes off her man hands!!!!

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

          May I venture to disagree with the people calling those sausagey monstrosities “man hands”?

          I think they’re more like gila monster claws. Observe:

          [img]http://www.sandiegozoo.org/animalbytes/images/gila_monster_inset_93-537.jpg[/img]

          Julia may be manhandling that girl’s breasts, but her hands are not mannish; they are reptilian.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        Wow, Julia, that’s a really inappropriate thing to be doing to your grand-niece.

      • Scooby Don't says:

        Congratulations on using attention grabbing techniques drunk sorority girls use to attract attention from meat heads at keg parties, Julia.
        Obviously you’re doing some hands on research for your latest Elle column on how to attract a douche bag in 5 easy steps.
        “Fake lesbianism” falls between “acting helpless and dumb” and “showing lots of cleavage” in the process right?

  32. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    “Yoo-hoo! Over here, Cindy, over here! You totally wrote a TV series about my life! And you live nearby!”

    @JuliaAllison: Poetic Justice: my next door neighbor in LA is none other than Cindy Chupack, screenwriter & exec prod of … Sex & The City. Of course.
    11:47 PM – 6 May 12

    “Oh, oh! And you wrote a book and it’s totally what I’m going through RIGHT NOW!!! We have to get together! You could write another TV show about my life — and I’ll be the star!!!”

    @JuliaAllison: Just bought my neighbor’s bestseller, “The Between Boyfriends Book: A Collection of Cautiously Hopeful Essays.”
    12:45 AM – 7 May 12

    • K_Swizz says:

      I wonder if she’ll go over to Cindy and tell her all about how SATC ruined her life and that is why she left NYC.

    • supermassive black holes says:

      How fuck is that poetic justice? She is shit-awful at crafting sentences.

    • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

      Chupack is (or used to be – have ignored the mag for more than a year) a columnist for O magazine, too. Funny how Julia Allison is like Kevin Bacon: Everyone is less than six degrees from one of the multitude of bridges she’s burnt.

    • one too twee says:

      11:47 pm – Julesy discovers she has a famous neighbor and immediately fires up Google to find out a) who is Cindy Chupack and b) how can I suck up to her. 12:45 am – Julesy pretends to buy a book which she will pretend to read. Apparently, Ms. Chupack is not on the Twitter (since there was no @-ing). That will save a donkey the trouble of lurking in a nearby Barnes & Noble, taking surreptitious photos of her frankfingers pointing to pages she defaced with margin notes and underlining.

      • one too twee says:

        Three days from now – Ms. Chupack discovers that her privacy has been violated by a thoughtless twat on the internet. Rage ensues.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I am sort of sad that Cindy Chupack is trapped in Marina del Bray. Bad investments? Or maybe she has a beach place, too, so she’s economizing on her in-town place?

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        She has plenty of money. This might be her “hang out in LA during pilot season” place. She lived in NYC for years during SATC.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        Also, neighbor, to a Donkey, might mean Cindy Chupack lives in Santa Monica.

  33. Stripper Shows Smell Like Spray Tan says:

    Any man who would date Julia Allison had better damn well expect that she will not be cautious on throwing their privacy under the bus, along with their ego and future relationships. The men who flirt with her on twitter make me kind of lose faith in men in general. It leaves me feeling despondent that men could be so so so so so dumb.

  34. JuliaCleaver says:

    Jules,

    A Fake Job to cover up no Job to cover no boyfriend to cover up failed relations expert to cover failed life to cover up everything is not meta..its IRONY

  35. ShesJustStupid says:

    Nice fb status. She knows she’s screwed:

    The problem with having filmed a reality show is that when you think to yourself, “Self, should I say/do/tweet this? Would this really uphold my outstanding reputation as a reasonable adult taxpaying citizen of the world?”

    Yourself is all, “Uh, seriously? THAT SHIP HAS SAILED, MY FRIEND.”

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Dumb, semiliterate Donkey even probably meant “upstanding”, not “outstanding”.

    • Scooby Don't says:

      my outstanding reputation as a reasonable adult taxpaying citizen of the world
      Will the lies never end, Donkey?
      And do you think she meant upstanding rather than outstanding?

    • donkolnikov says:

      that was supposed to be a joke!! almost nothing she says – ever – should be taken seriously!!!!!

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