Codename Donkey: More Miss Advised Blind Items

Well, well, well, it looks like many more people around Hollywood are coming out of the woodwork to fill our inboxes:

1. Which future reality star is already up to diva antics by being a lazy donkey who is lazy? Apparently the gruelling schedule of sporadic filming is getting to her, and she is telling producers how important it is for her to rest before “everything takes off.”

2. Which reality show cast member who will soon blame EVERYTHING on selective editing is reviled by crew members and anyone else she feels is beneath her?

3. Which depressed animal has garnered much sympathy from reality show crew members, so much so that one of them jokes about kidnapping the severely neglected canine. It’s a constant joke, but the crew member may not be kidding at all. In fact, some suspect this same crew member may make a cash offer for the terrorized and abused dog when filming is over so it can finally escape a certain demented hosebeast.

4. Which soon-to-premiere reality show has already been nicknamed “Miss Assvice” around Hollywood?

5. Which reality show producers are well adept at pushing the buttons of their psychotic and marriage-hungry cast members and have hours and hours and hours of tape to prove it?

6. Which upcoming Bravo star is surprising a number of producers unrelated to her show who can’t imagine how she didn’t get weeded out during pre-production for being a danger to herself and others?

 

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331 Responses to Codename Donkey: More Miss Advised Blind Items

  1. Dyspeptic says:

    It’s raining men…er, blind items. Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!

  2. KashMoney says:

    “LET’S MAKE THIS HAPPEN, PEOPLE!”

  3. dd says:

    This does feel like Christmas in April. Jacy and JP, you are too good to us.

  4. Dr. Gary says:

    *drops phone*

    *stunned silence*

  5. Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

    HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!! DONKEY!!!!!!!!!

  6. dd says:

    And please crew member in #3; PLEASE buy Lily. Offer her shoes. Pay her. Do whatever it takes. Poor thing needs a good home with someone who will take care of her. That poor dog deserves better.

    • dd says:

      Ok – I am still on Lily. I wish momsers would step in again and take Lily. What kind of Sophie’s choice bullshit is it where momsers steps in to take care of Langdon and not Lily?

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Donkey wouldn’t give up the girl, that’s all it was about, apparently.

      • Grammarian says:

        I pay a dogwalker to come to my house 2x.day while I am at work: 10 am and 2 pm. This is not unusual for people who have older pets. A younger dog can wait while you’re at work; an older dog needs to be walked.

        • Peltergeist says:

          Can I just say this, as a courtesy to everyone who hires a dog walker (not you, specifically)? Spy on them, or get one of your neighbors to. Seriously.

          I cannot tell you the amount of horrible hipster dog walkers I see every day who do things like bring the dog out to pee and then shove it back inside after a minute, walk 20 dogs at once when the little ones can’t move as fast and get trampled, text while crossing the road with your dog, etc. It’s horrifying.

    • LetItExplode says:

      I live in LA and work from home and have the best dog in the world who would LOVE a playmate like Lilly. He is roughly her size and a little younger and goes completely crazy for little white furry dogs. I would take Lilly in a heartbeat if she ever wanted to give her up, and I’m certain many people she knows would too.

      Of every vile thing she’s ever done her complete neglect of Lilly is just the worst. Humans in her life can leave willingly. That poor animal cannot.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        I’ll tell you this right now, if Miss Advised shows Lily as the neglected dog she is, Julia will be hated HATED by this entire country. And if the producers hate her as much as is being leaked, I would not be surprised if they include that.

        America hates people who treat animals terribly.

        Miss Advised #ad

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          Ha! whoops – this was supposed to be downthread re: who asked about Kim Richards being crazy and what Bravo thought of that – and if our Donkey could be thought as crazy as Kim.

        • LetItExplode says:

          I dunno.. if she’s not physically hurting Lily it’s going to be hard for viewers to keep up with her lack of walks, play time, etc. It’s inconceivable to me why her parents–who allegedly stepped in to take Langdon due to Julia’s neglect–did not also take Lily away from her.

          Like many of you, animal neglect catapults me to Planet Rage.

          • FIEIRCE Mani(pedi) says:

            The video of Julia and Julia yelling to make Lilly groan did it for me… those two are so uncaring and really stupid.

          • Yeah, Bald Julia, no more than she already had going for her (heh!), isn’t going to fare well once Miss Assvice airs on BRAVO! tv.

            Too bad, so sad, Baldy.
            You trail behind shit, you walk in shit.

            Capiche?

          • Donksers says:

            I agree with Fieirce Mani about the yelling in Lily’s ears incident. That was cruel. Lily was so agitated and distressed over what they were doing, but as long as the two brainless assholes were having a good time, that’s all that mattered.

          • Melting Marionette says:

            so glad i did not see the dog-yelling video. i wish i could cheerfully reach out and smack her deformed face, but that would be classified as animal abuse.

        • Dr. Gary says:

          Once this show airs and she gets a taste of *real* haters? She will LONG for the days when it was just us crazy cat ladies down here in the basement.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I have already pointed out to her in an exchange that WILL NOT DIE how gentle we have been to her, how much shit we haven’t gone with.

            I nailed her pretty good when she went off on a rant about HOW DARE I lecture her or her friends about harassment when we are evil and have “contacted my family members, my boyfriends, companies I am working for, my parents, my friends” yada yada yada all bullshit, as I pointed out to her.

            But I also asked: If all that were true about us, which it isn’t, why would you be leaking such an evil place details about who you’re dating?
            Why are you relying on US for publicity? What does that say about you and how demented you are?

            No answer.

            And she absolutely will not address how the IP addresses matched. I have asked in almost every email. She doesn’t answer the question.

          • Dyspeptic says:

            My god, Jacy, this is still going on? I feel for you.

          • Christine Kelly is the new Megan Alagna says:

            Jacy, this highlights her sociopathy: She simply doesn’t recognize that other human beings matter.

            She justifies documented harassment – harassment she agrees DID take place – against specific, known individuals by blaming unnamed, alleged, undocumented harassment on a bunch of unknown individuals.

            She’s a fucking asshole.

        • dd says:

          Yes to all of this.

      • bf says:

        I know a cute fluffy awesome dog (fostered) on LA if you’re interested… rescued from a kill shelter

  7. ShesJustStupid says:

    I just got back from 5 days in Cancun and am drinking Pinot Noir and catching up. Such a great homecoming!

  8. Dr. Gary says:

    #3 is so depressing. I always figured it could never be as bad as we thought. But it sounds like it is.

    • dd says:

      I know. I love these blind items but #3 really gets to me. When Julia was in NYC it seemed as if she at least spent time with Lily. Dragging her around to “photoshoots” was stress for the dog but at least she was with the dog. I get the feeling that Julia has grown tired of Lily, like she was last season’s handbag. She can’t even be bothered to use her as a prop.

      • Fake Kidney Infucktion says:

        Lily makes me so sad. I can forgive (but not really) treating people badly. But doggies? All Lily has is Julie. Lily is ALONE without Julie. Treating a dependent like shit is just inexcusable.
        Right now I would LOVE to have a dog. But I don’t have the space/time for a dog. It would be unfair to the dog if I deiced to get one. I guess it just makes me so mad that this bitch who shouldn’t have a dog has one and treats it so badly. It’s just really sad to me.

  9. lc says:

    pick me! pick me! i think i have the answer.

    is it Kate Middleton?

  10. NonSobriety says:

    Amazeballs.

  11. Donkey Ho-Tay says:

    I am feeling ineffably blessed by the blind items today! Can’t wait to get home, drink a glass of wine and re-read all the juicy blind items.

  12. New Year New You says:

    Pardon me for being a thicky butler (one million points to whoever knows which show that’s from) BUT can someone explain number 6 to me. Why is she a danger to herself and others?

  13. Barking Mad says:

    I have swooned upon the couch, in a cloud of cheetoh dust. Thank you, emailers for the excellent tidbits!

    If Bravo is trying to provoke a braying, hoof-stomping meltdown for the show’s finale, I’d say they know just how to do it. All popcorn farmers should plant extra this year.

    • New Year New You says:

      If I had any entrepeneurial spirit, I would open a Popcorn Shoppe right now.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        There used to be a popcorn store less than a minute’s walk from my college dorm. Caramel popcorn makes a great breakfast.

        Then it closed and was replaced by a hot dog store, to the sadness of all.

  14. 1. WHICH […]?
    CodeName: DONKEY!
    2. WHICH […]?
    CodeName: DONKEY!
    3. WHICH […]?
    CodeName: DONKEY!
    4. WHICH […]?
    CodeName: DONKEY!
    5. WHICH […]?
    CodeName: DONKEY!
    6. WHICH […]?
    CodeName: DONKEY!

    P.S. CodeName: DONKEY!

    P.S.S. RE: #3 — I will donate $25 to that crew member via PayPal to offset his/her expense if he/she succeeds in rescuing Princess @LillyDog!
    “LET’S MAKE THIS HAPPEN, PEOPLE!”

  15. Cowboys & Brayliens says:

    Filming must have wrapped.

    Otherwise, Donkey is going to read this and absolutely lose her shit at every single crewmember, whether during filming or whatever. I can only imagine the rage-filled e-mails that are going to be sent tonight at 3am.

    Dear producer: after all is said and done, when it’s clear Donk won’t be on a season 2, we would be grateful if some hackers were to liberate unaired footage and put it up on Youtube.

    • juliaspublicist says:

      Fliming continues through May.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      This tweet yesterday made it sound like she’s got a few more weeks of filming:

      @JuliaAllison: So … close … to being able to dye my hair back to brown again. SO CLOSE. Only a few more weeks!!!

      And didn’t Jacy or JP say they were filming until the end of May?

      • JFA says:

        Her life is so exciting.

      • Stripper Shoes of Whorian Bray says:

        If there are only a few weeks left before she can change her hair, then they are likely in post-production, when edits will be made, scenes reshot (even in a reality show) and those between-action interviews are conducted (eg, Julie sitting in a hammock talking to the camera saying, “Andrew totally is into me, it’s just that his career and mine are both on the amazeballz track andso we never get to see each other…”). This is the time when Jules can reflect on just how awful she is going to come off on camera. She knows that she will barely convince anyone that she is even human.

    • Methinks Manipulative CodeName: Donkey has been outManipulated.

      • juliaspublicist says:

        Which is sad, because I saw this coming a mile away.

        • EVERYone but Julia Allison Baugher saw it coming … then again, you know that she’s legally blind, right?

          Right? Surely that’s not a lie!
          I think it’s a symptom of Ceiling Cats!

          • Albie Quirky says:

            -11 and -12 aren’t “legally blind,” they’re “legally too nearsighted to drive a car without corrective lenses.” There is no definition of “legal blindness” that covers vision that can be corrected to normal with glasses or contacts.

            (My huscat is at least as nearsighted as A Donkey.)

            On the other hand, PERHAPS THIS EXPLAINS THE FACE! If she is too vain to wear glasses, and she has a serious astigmatism in addition to that level of nearsightedness, her vision may not be corrected to anything near 20/20 and so that’s why she doesn’t realize she looks like a melting marionette!

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Ceiling Cat is watching her, but all she sees is a blur.

          • I know, right?

            If only all of these car dealers who CodeName: Donkey! tries to grift cars from knew what she brayed about being ‘legally blind’ …

            uhmmm, er, OOPS?

          • Melting Marionette says:

            @ albie – you rang?

  16. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    God, Codename Donkey — what an awesome nickname. We needed a new one and now we have one. Thanks, BRAVO producers!

  17. juliaspublicist says:

    Something tells me I am going finally end up loving Andy Cohen after this.

  18. Bravo's Bitch says:

    Thank you. Bravo and Donk are my two secret addictions. Squeee My summer/fall is set in stone.

  19. Shamoolia says:

    I’ve been busy at desk errands and just been lurking the past few days. Just popping in to say POPOPOPOPOPOPPPING SO MUCH POPCORN BUNNIES!!!!

    This is going to be so much worse/better than I could have ever imagined.

  20. KashMoney says:

    she’s living in a horror movie of her own making. i can’t imagine what it’s going to feel like filming, knowing that everything here is true.

    on the other hand, she convinces herself we’re wrong about her, so cognitive dissonance make convince her that we’re wrong about the producers and they really, really like her. that’s why they smile at her face, right?

  21. melting marionette says:

    people, the train is wrecking!

  22. DSM V: JFA Edition says:

    i literally(TM) think i’m more excited about this show than i am about the olympics this summer.

  23. Donkeycam Now! says:

    That poor poor Donkey is going to the glue factory and she doesn’t even know it!

  24. AFGHANI says:

    I wonder if RBD is going to be overrun with many new commenters and take on a new dynamic when the show airs? Everyone here basically gets along. What if there are dozens of new Beauchamp- or Loren-esque commenters? Or Rachel Marsden (DA FUCKKK?) types?

    (Basically, are you guys ready in case this place turns into an internet toilet like CI or FF?)

    • I’m glad you broached this subject, particularly since you’re into MWOP.

      THAT way-too-tedious site is formatted in the most effed up way anyway, then there’s DISQUS (ugh!), & then there are kajillions more commenters, so many of who go wayyyyy off OT w/ their freakin’ medical updates (get a FB acct already!) … & anyway …

      Maybe we all, as in currently established regulars, might want to make a concerted effort to take OT subjects to the Forum? Before more of the DP Marks & that ilk totally disrupt things?

      I know; we’re not there yet, but it’s just around the corner …

      • I guess what I meant to say was: ‘lead by example’, as in: ‘set a precedent’, w/e. Surely don’t mean to offend RE: OT’s (we all do it, but on this scale, it ain’t nothing but a thang)

        • AFGHANI says:

          If there are hundreds of them and a couple dozen of us, I’m not sure this can be done. What are we going to do, follow them around and hector them? We probably will need a forum to talk among regulars, though. If only for old time’s sake.

          • Not sure if I failed to make my point (possibly) or if you failed to ‘get’ it (probably), but no, I was giving future commenters credit for being able to get the lay of the land, assuming that steps might be taken to lay it out in advance.

            Not to get into a whole ‘thing’ here; it was just an idea.

          • AFGHANI says:

            I didn’t miss your point. I saw what you were getting at and I discounted it. If this place gets hundreds of new commenters, it won’t matter what example you set or how you cajole them. It will be unmanageable because the intelligence level of the average commenter will fall far below where it is now.

          • the intelligence level of the average commenter will fall far below where it is now

            You mean we can expect even more “1st!!” posts? Oh gee fucking whiz, I can hardly wait …

          • Slutty Catbanger says:

            We need a secret clubhouse out back.

          • ks says:

            @SC

            It’s called the chat room, and it’s a treefort.

      • AFGHANI says:

        If RBD gets a lot of new people, us regulars are going to barely see each other anymore. MWOP has died down a bit, but for a few days it was getting 5000 posts/day in the forum. I don’t even know who is a regular there and who is some one-off commenter.

        On the bright side, it’s a lot most prestigious to be “first!!11″ on a thread with thousands of posts.

    • JFA says:

      Would commenter auditioning be too annoying? I have no idea.

      • Like Gawker & their ‘promoted comments’ policy, or w/e that was? Sounds whore-ible, but who knows? I have this image of JP & Jacy having to block a bunch of dweebs on the regular.

        • Donksers says:

          As long as they block the dweeb known as Codename Donkey, I’ll be happy. I love how she informed Jacy during yesterday’s smackdown that she might just decide to come waltzing in to RBD and comment at some point and added, “We’ll see.” Ha, really Julie?? She knows damn well from all the recent “BLOCK HER!” comments that she wasn’t going to be allowed in, but she just had to pull her condescending routine on Jacy anyway. If there’s one thing Julia Allison gets off on, it’s being condescending. It’s a huge part of who she is and how she interacts with people.

          “I floated the idea of starting to comment, but ultimately that seemed like a better idea in theory than in practice. I don’t know, I might change my mind at some point. We’ll see.”

          • ICrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

            And this so soon after Jacy had already replied to her, “Don’t bother dropping by dearest, you have plenty of your own PR platforms, we’ll block you from ours, do not want.” The disassociation is just so immense. She is writing her Queen Julia nonsense to the exact person who already shut her down on that very topic, as if it never happened. The mind literally Baughles.

      • Occupy Donkeytown says:

        Yes.

    • NonSobriety says:

      “What if there are dozens of new Beauchamp- or Loren-esque commenters? Or Rachel Marsden (DA FUCKKK?) types?”

      Or Afghanis?

      Sars, had to.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Block block ban ban.

    • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

      What are CI and FF?

      • AFGHANI says:

        campidiot and fuckedforum

        Very bad signal:noise ratio at those places. There is hilarious material on those forums, but you have to wade through immense amounts of slop to find them. The Casey Serin thread at CI is 90% garbage, which is a big deal on a thread with 2300 pages of comments. At 25 comments per page, that’s about 57,000 comments. I’ve read the vast majority of that thread because the good parts are fantastic but 50,000+ junk comments get tiresome after a while. campidiot.com/casey if you want to see what I mean

        CI is also how I know about the charlatan known as Lewis Howes and the affiliate link grifters he works with. There’s a forum about “Unstrapp’d” on there and Lewis is friends with all those people although he wasn’t directly involved in the main storyline of that thread.

        • Christine Kelly is the new Megan Alagna says:

          Sweet deals!

        • Emma Bourricot says:

          God. You’ve waded through 57,000 for the “good parts,” what? I’m guessing that is how you met Lego. Thanks so much for introducing him to RBNS. *shudder*

          • AFGHANI says:

            Well how old is that thread? I’ve been reading it since it started, so it’s probably only about 100 posts/day on average. And it’s not hard to identify the junk.

            This presentation is a decent summary of the basis of that thread. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCAh8_zSPy0

            There are some parallels between Donkey and Casey…

  25. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    I thought Julia’s appearance on Emily’s radio show in December gives a sense of how “Miss Advised” will go — not just that Julia shades and dissembles and stretches and invents, as usual — but that Emily asked Julia leading questions that seemed designed to give her just enough rope, and Emily somehow hit revealing topics via ye olde “listener email” ploy. For example, what about long distance relationships? Julia responds that her military ex was “really positive” a long distance relationship would work, and “he made me feel sure about it, and he also locked it in really quickly […] He locked it in so fast, and we were just committed.” There are also topics that seem make Julia extremely uncomfortable (drunk tweeting, dick pics, etc). And, as of December, she was claiming to be a nationally syndicated columnist for TMS, “so I’m in the Chicago Tribune and the Bay Area Newsgroup here and I don’t know, like a dozen other papers.”

    This could be really ugly.

    • I sort of envision Emily “everyone’s wrong but me!” Morse as being the only one who comes out of this relatively unscathed, the one who actually manages to advance her career as a result of BRAVO!’s Miss Assvice

      (helps that SHE had a CAREER to begin w/. but I mean what you know)

      P.S.
      CodeName: Donkey!

      • AFGHANI says:

        At least Emily seems comfortable in her skin. She owns her bitchiness. I think she’s really sexy, but what the fuck do I know?

    • virgil reid says:

      i got the impression of emily she knows how the “game” works when it comes to promoting her career/her persona. she has a book, radio show, etc.

      but i totally agree with you. i feel like with julia they are completely leading her and she’s too deluded to pick up on it.

      i’m really curious if pancakes and pancakes immediate family with be curious how much julia reveals about the relationship or if they’ll try to ignore the show altogether.

  26. Twatter says:

    It satisfies! I mean, it’s good to know keeping my head down and working hard has paid off when compared to a donkey who once stood me up and couldn’t give a shit about little, itty-bitty me…. Next to the fuck you money men who threw their mean sticks in her places. I won! I’m a winner!

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      I applaud this comment.

    • Donksers says:

      I’m happy for you, Twatter, but why would you have had any interest in a vile and dirty donkey in the first place?

      • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

        he was probably fooled by the cutlets…

        • ks says:

          cutlets is a word i havent heard in a long time. for awhile it seemed everywhere on this site. if julia got tit surgery because we kept laughing at her cutlet use i will feel very dirty.

          • ks says:

            i add: because women should not be ashamed of small sizes.

            dear women,
            please don’t get implants.

            signed,
            men who love you the way you are.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        At first very cursory glance, Donkey can seem vivacious and personable. Plus, she used to be somewhat hot. If I knew nothing about her and met her briefly at a party or something, I can imagine her making a good enough impression on me in about a quarter of possible instances for me to want to go out with her.

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

          Briefly and cursory is the key words here. If she shows even a little of the hosebeast within, most men were saying “NEXT!” even back in 2005 when she was kinda cute.

  27. JFA says:

    I have nothing to add! I just felt like commenting because it’s very exciting, the unravelling!

  28. Random Snowflake says:

    Is it just me, or does Julie’s chin and puffy cheeks look somewhat like a ventriloquist dummy in the photo up top?

    • Random Snowflake says:

      To better illustrate this I dusted of GiMP… Sorry about the poor quality, this didn’t inspire me in the way the #CalcuttaRiots did..

      [img]http://i.imgur.com/YTkmc.gif[/img]

    • Random Snowflake says:

      If you’re handy with Photoshop, GiMP, or something similar.. I posted the open mouth version + blank speach bubble for your amusement. The original (same size) is up top. Cut/copy, paste.. add some text.. save as a GIF animation.. Yadda yadda. You people know the drill.

      Maybe even add the averts-eyes kitty? I couldn’t find one quickly and got lazy (sad, fat, drink.. my apologies. Forgive me, etc..)

      http://i.imgur.com/XdOUk.png

      • I have GIMP & have the hardest time w/ it … numerous options but the least-helpful online user manual (in my experience) … if you have a great direction to point me in, I’m all for it!

        • P.S. CodeName: Donkey!

          P.S.S. — Meant to say: GREAT GIF! :-)

        • Random Snowflake says:

          Photochop is definitely easier, and more familiar to most, to use.. I switched to Linux years ago, so this is my only option at the moment.

          I basically had to hunt through menus over time to discover how to do what I used to do with Photoshop. I have noticed some decent YouTube videos (way after the fact) that would have made my life easier. YouTube is badass (except for a few Botox and Restylane injection videos I’ve seen). :)

          • Thx. GIMP is great, in that it’s free, but damn if it isn’t cumbersome. Doesn’t help that the terminology is over my head.

          • Random Snowflake says:

            I would have to a agree. It is cumbersome. Linux and Gnu software is built by geeks for free, and there are no “user interface” people. Geeks who can program are usually really bad at user interfaces, we’re lucky it’s as usable as it is. :)

          • Makes sense; kinda hard to bitch much about a freebie; just frustrating to get nothing out of it.

            HA! Getting back ON topic, wonder how many ‘boys’ have thought the same about CodeName: Donkey! ?

      • IDIOTBOX says:

        someone with skill should make her scream “PANCAKES” and have this included, somehow:
        [img]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_nmCEPq4nRGQ/TTxig945e0I/AAAAAAAAAt8/ESXqA0IAFN8/s1600/pancake.jpg[/img]

  29. pearipathetic donkey says:

    I haven’t been able to keep up, but just reading the headlines and skimming the post tells me this is gonna be great!

  30. Twatter says:

    * meant to say meat sticks

    • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

      mean sticks was a wonderful typo.

      • A Donkey is a Ass says:

        I agree. It left me with the feeling that every time Codename: A Donkey has opened up her musty-old claptrap the guy has proceeded to hate-fuck her.

  31. Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

    What is Toilet Julia thinking at this point? TJ is hitching her wagon to a Donkey because her OMGrecord comes out this summer – but if a Donkey looks like a raving loon won’t Toilet Julia look like one by association?

    Dying for some intel on a Toilet.

    • IDIOTBOX says:

      She most be shaking on her toilet, I bet, seeing how Donkey’s quick to name her friends as the culprits of her various heinous acts.

    • A Donkey is a Ass says:

      I imagine Miss Assvice will show reaction shots where Flusher looks horrified. Codename: A Donkey will predictably, blame it on the editing.

      Predictable Codename: A Donkey is predictable.

      Though, it will probably good for Flusher’s safety for her to believe that.

  32. JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

    Question: I have absolutely no doubt that Donkey is going to come across as being completely unhinged (won’t take much ‘editing’ either), so if this is the case, what magazine will want to take her on as an advice columnist? Once the show has aired no one will want to employ a crazed loon to dispense dating advice. Does Elle know Bravo’s plans for La Donk & have they rescinded the offer to publish her (assuming this leak was true)? Or have Bravo given up trying to make it look like she has a job and gone the Full Craze route?

    • Donkeycam now! says:

      Her unemployability is not going to change.

      She is unemployable now and she will be unemployable after the show airs.

      • JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

        Yeah, you’re right. I was just thinking Elle must be pissed that Bravo are framing their new recruit as an utter loon. Or maybe Bravo aren’t trying to find her a job anymore.

  33. Rosalie says:

    “1. Which future reality star is already up to diva antics by being a lazy donkey who is lazy? Apparently the gruelling schedule of sporadic filming is getting to her, and she is telling producers how important it is for her to rest before ‘everything takes off.’”

    For whatever reason, this was the quote that made me laugh the most. She needs rest? From what?!

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      It’s very exhausting staying up until 4am Googling yourself!

      PS
      …before “everything takes off.”

      As if.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      She suffers from work apnea.

      • Cankles says:

        THIS

        Also I picture donkey as a female Maynard G Krebs every time the word work gets mentioned to her

        [img]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqzpQPDSr2s&feature=youtube_gdata_player[/img]

      • Amuse-douche says:

        This made me laugh out loud in a crowded bar. I’m sitting by myself so I shouldn’t look like I’m having too much fun lest I appear crazy.

  34. Cankles says:

    I see donkey using this soon. http://www.misstravel.com/ she is after all tiny and cute. So of course men should fly her dainty raft ass all over the world and lavish her with more tacky dresses. She is not above this form of prostitution. Btw Donks you are welcome. I can be servicy sometimes.

  35. Andy Whorehol says:

    I believe these Blind Items for the most part, although I’m somewhat puzzled over how Donks is considered any more insane/dangerous than the likes of Kim Richards and Brandy Gainsville from “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” or even that known escort Marlo, from the RH’s of Atlanta with her 7 violent arrests previous to her onscreen appearances. Bravo obviously isn’t afraid of dealing with mentally unhinged folks, so I’m just curious how Julia Allison comes off so much more insanely than their other resident crazies.

    Then again, this is a woman who proudly proclaims on national television that she has a 70-something checklist of husband requirements, so maybe I’m giving her way too much credit here.

    • Andy Whorehol says:

      Also, it’s no wonder she’s sick of Lily by now. Lily’s an older dog and is therefore past her expiration date, after all.

    • AFGHANI says:

      You forgot Taylor Armstrong a/k/a Chankla Face

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      There is a whole team around Kim Richards trying to keep Bravo from knowing how truly bat shit she is. And Bravo is very nervous since Russell killed himself and is keeping an extra eye on her. Trust me.

      • AFGHANI says:

        Again, pretty sure you mean Taylor Armstrong here. Although Kim Richards is pretty fucking insane. But no one is hiding it–it’s openly discussed by the cast members, including her sister.

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          No, I mean Kim Richards, she is the real loon. Still on drugs and alcohol (allegedly) and blew threw 50k in a matter of weeks. Her sisters are shitting themselves and Bravo doesn’t want any more blood on their hands.

          • How many sisters are there in total, Malf?

            There’s the one (main one? Kyle?) on the show that I know of, but that’s from more than a year ago of episodes I caught online.

            Sister dynamics can be so volatile anyway, never mind when they’re being exploited by BRAVO!

            P.S. CodeName: Donkey!

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            Her other sister is Kathy Hilton, Paris’ mom.

          • helobabe says:

            Among other scenes, I was SHOCKED at the scene of her driving on the LA Freeway last year. I couldn’t believe production allowed that to happen when she was clearly intoxicated. I hope they’ve battened down the hatches on that shit. Even Intervention doesn’t let them drive around all messed up! (O/T I see a whole lot of people that love ya like hell but they feel like they’re losing ya… Love JVV!)

      • Cankles says:

        As long as Donkey does not decide she can sing like Kim from real housewives of Atlanta. The braying would be more than anyone should endure

        • AFGHANI says:

          or The Countess from RHNY

          • Edward R. Burro says:

            Elegance is learned, my friends.

          • Whitleymariongilbertwaynemeetsscarysadshaw says:

            Did you read that item on Jez about Simon blowing a load during the birth of his son? EWWW.

          • AFGHANI says:

            Simon van Kampen? I can believe that he really did blow a load during childbirth.

            That guy is verrrry eccentric, but seems harmless and seems to really love his wife and kids. He was way too caught up in trying to be the 6th “housewife” though. And their tacky, striverish, consumer-driven lives were boring.

          • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

            Oh gosh, is it “elegance is learned?” I thought this whole time it was “elegance is love.” Neither is a particularly compelling message.

            I give props to Luann, though. I mean, first of all, she was born “Luann.” Isn’t that something that could’ve been Holly Golightly’s real name instead of Lula Mae? But she clawed her way up in her little nursing uniform to marry a count. Not bad. Julia won’t be able to do so well.

  36. Twatter says:

    We need to get together to barbecue meat. It always seems to fix whatever is going on. Lovely delicious meat. I love meat. Eating meat. Looking at meat. Putting meat into meat. A turducken of meat loveliness. A wonderful meat feast. Of course, my blog would be fucking awesome if I cared to share my life with strangers and get made fun of – but I don’t! So fuck off! That’s what donkey never understood about any of this. It’s out right to barbecue her donkey meat.

    • Stripper Shoes of Whorian Bray says:

      I like you so I didn’t want to leave you hanging. Sorry you were fooled by a Donkey. For what it’s worth, when I was a 20 year old borderline-borderline personality, I stood up a guy. Now he lives in my town, happily married to a beautiful, sexy, successful woman. And I am on the cusp of divorce.

      Karma.

      • Jane says:

        SSoWB: are you me?

        • Stripper Shoes on Bray-vo says:

          I think that we probably share a common background of being female and having once been young and not fully evolved emotionally. This is the phase of life Julie is stuck in forever and ever.

    • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

      What are you on about?

  37. Cankles says:

    I hope Donks sells Lilly to the crew member. That poor dog deserves a better home with someone that won’t treat her like an accessory

  38. Donksers says:

    It won’t be long before Donkey tweets about her totally awesome, amazeballz, hilareballz producers, cast, and crew who have all become her brothers and sisters!!!

  39. ks says:

    OK. “Miss Assvice”?????

    HOW DID WE MISS THAT!

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Brayella says it all the time.

    • Donkey of Perdition says:

      This (#4) made me question the veracity of all the blind items. It doesn’t make sense…. “Hollywood” doesn’t care about shitty Bravo reality programming, let alone Julia Allison, let alone a back alley Donkey internet meme. All of the items are too well crafted, too much detail, kinda hinky.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I think “Hollywood” is just the word JP chose to mean those in the entertainment industry, in particular reality show programming people, that’s all. These are legit, coming from inside the house.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        D of O – I think you’re wrong that “Hollywood” doesn’t care – sure film people are snobs but in TV, reality is regarded as a huge money maker. CAA signed the Van Der Pump’s dog for God sakes. It’s sad this is the world we live in but I believe this show is being talked about for the train wreck it is.

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          Also – the Kardashian clan just pocketed $40 million to reup at E! – so you can only imagine the money E! is making off them. Never mind the commissions agents are making from Kardashians / Ryan Seacrest / packaging.

      • Donkey of Perdition says:

        The background info helps alot, thanks. Sorry didn’t want to be Debby Downer, I’m just always overly suspicious.

  40. [REDACTED'S] mom says:

    Hi Catpeople,

    I have been trying to jump in here since yesterday, but each time I came over, there was a new, delicious post and I got so wrapped up in reading everything that I kept missing the opportunity to comment!

    All that to say THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for your many kind and supportive comments. No one could believe how high my spirits were the morning of the surgery, and that was due to all the good wishes and prayers I had received from friends and loved ones (and as you know, I wasn’t shy about asking for it). It made a huge difference in my attitude and confidence. And I’m very proud to be able to include y’all in that group. You have become very special to me, both as an entity and as numerous individuals, even without me knowing your real names.

    Anyway, I pretty much sailed through the surgery, was discharged yesterday, and today got the best news of all: biopsy was 100% benign.

    I’m no good at inserting links but if you look at mynylife you can see a pic of my mom and me when I was still in the hospital.

    Thank you for caring, and I’m enjoying all the juiciness happening here right now!

    • Donksers says:

      Your post gave me goosebumps, [REDACTED’S] mom. So happy to know that everything turned out so well!

      • Donksers says:

        Just saw the picture of you and your mom….two lovely ladies! It must have been such a comfort to have her there with you.

    • I'm guessing it's biology! says:

      Happy to hear all is well! Congrats!!

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      I am so thrilled for you. Sending you continued good wishes and vibes. Glad our Donkey can momentarily distract you from any discomfort.

      Make sure you stay on top of the pain, always better to take the meds than have the pain sneak up on you (I speak from experience).

      xoxoxo

    • Ex Spurt says:

      Fantastic! That’s two potential malignancies you no longer have to be concerned about, although there was never any chance of Julia being benign.

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Wonderful news! You must be so relieved.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Great news! So glad to hear all is well.

      *big hugs to you*

    • 11th Wang says:

      So happy to hear! I had been thinking of you and I don’t actually know you!

    • The Missing Davos Report says:

      Yes! So great to hear, [REDACTED]’s mom. Thanks for the update!

    • so sorry, so fat says:

      So happy to hear the good news! Hugs all around.
      [img]http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2lcr236uR1qzrs4jo1_400.jpg[/img]

    • Jack the Velveeta Bulldog says:

      Blogs & kisses, Mumdacted! Glad to hear you’re on the mend and you look in good spirits in your hospital snap. The non-stop donkey treats will speed up the healing process.

      • ICrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

        Seconded! Laughter is the best medicine they say and there are plenty of howls over here lately. So glad to hear you sailed through [R’s]M.

    • Edward R. Burro says:

      I am so happy to hear that!

    • Barking Mad says:

      Happy to hear you are doing well!

    • Fameless Shamewhore says:

      So great to hear that it all went well. I feel very inspired by your courage to speak out and ask for what you needed. I think that’s a really marvellous, brave thing to do and I’m going to try and remember to do this more in my own life!

    • Wonkeye says:

      Great news—congrats!

    • CDB says:

      great news

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      HOORAY!! HOORAY!!! HOORAY!!!

      We’ve been thinking of you and so glad you came out of it on top. We knew you would!

      p.s. I think you mean “scheme juiciness,” no?

    • Ex Spurt says:

      Just remember to splint your wound with your hand when chuckling away here. There’s been so many laughs we wouldn’t want you busting a gut, so to speak.

    • dd says:

      Fantastic news, Redacted’s Mom! So happy to hear about your clean bill of health!!

    • Dyspeptic says:

      such good news. relieved to hear it.

    • juliaspublicist says:

      That is so great to hear. I am so happy!

    • Delurked says:

      wheeeeeeeeeee!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Oh, yay! Hooray for your good news. So glad to hear this.

      [img]http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z200/venuscloacina/th_benigngirl.jpg?t=1267745002[/img]

    • OMG!! Catfish! says:

      Oh, wow. So happy to hear your good news. I don’t know you, but I feel like I should since your B’more home seems to be right down the road from me! (I live on Roland Ave.) Anyway, very many well-wishes.

  41. Worrisome Pelts says:

    How much of a fit can Donkey afford to throw over this? She swears that everything posted here is a lie or an exaggeration. Seems like having a hissy would only confirm a direct hit.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      You’re right but I am guessing she didn’t even have time to process (see what I did there) and just went ape shit. No doubt many at Bravo and Steven Grossman were brayed at.

      I’m actually surprised Donkey didn’t email Jacy with a bullshit cover story about the Christine Kelly thing (regretting she said it) but no doubt she was putting out fires all day.

  42. so sorry, so fat says:

    you GUYS. these new posts and info have got me so happy, the cats and I are like whoa:

    [img]http://kittenskittenskittens.tumblr.com/post/21271996348[/img]

    • so sorry, so fat says:

      boo hiss, drank me is so bad at links. [img]http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvufk0j9p71qfjjglo1_250.gif[/img]

  43. josh says:

    Maybe she writes her own blind items or has. A friend send them because evn bad pr rocks her world. Me time.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      From what I understand, some of them read here, saw the email exchange between her and me the other day, and were taken aback by her lunacy, particularly that she tries to leak us gossip about herself while in the same breath complaining about how evil her haters are.

      That seemed to open some kind of floodgates, since she has revealed herself to be a complete fraud in addition to everything else.

    • supermassive black holes says:

      Interesting, however:

      1. Julia Allison only writes fiction.
      2. Julia Allison’s writing is boring and terrible.

      These blind items are absolutely delicious and I can’t get enough! Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up stretch pants.

  44. [img]http://iscr.ru/photo/1329375921_f5.gif[/img]

  45. supermassive black holes says:

    …can’t imagine how she didn’t get weeded out during pre-production for being a danger to herself and others?

    Makes me wonder how many of the cast and crew have been threatened with a punch in the neck. And how many have actually been punched.

  46. miss assvice says:

    Oh yay all night tweeting again and we get to see crazy donkey in Vegas this weekend Julia Allison @JuliaAllison 6h @AlexisNeely -cannot WAIT to see you Friday in Vegas my love!!!!

    • AFGHANI says:

      Alexis Martin Neely‏@AlexisNeely

      Made it through 150 of the emails in my inbox. Only 570 more to go before inbox zero! Groan … done for tonight though. xoxox

      =====================

      How the fuck do these people (Julia, Alexis, other marginally-employed or unemployed people) have so many goddamn emails? I don’t understand at all.

      Also? How is having shitloads of email bragworthy? Are they just spam emails? If so, why would you brag about “working through them”?

      Such a lame topic, no matter what the answer is.

      • ICrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

        Google Alerts are sent directly to your inbox. One can imagine how many she might have set up for various topics/stalker targets.

        • AFGHANI says:

          Excellent point.

          • Ca Ca Nails says:

            Isn’t this also the nutbag who is 500k in debt? I’m guessing at least 300 of those 720 emails start with subject lines like “Account Frozen” or “Please call us immediately” or unhappy “clients” asking “what exactly are we paying you for?” The rest is spam.

          • AFGHANI says:

            I listened to a couple of Alexis Neely’s podcast thingies to get a flavor of her schtick, especially because she said some BS about having a “new business model for lawyers”. What I gathered is that she defaulted on her student loans, including the ones for law school, had her house foreclosed, and abandoned all her other bills and debts. She divorced her husband but now lives in Colorado on some commune/farm with some other guy she met. I could be wrong, but I think her ex husband lives there, too. (Weird, no?)

            When I was listening, they were all talking about how proud they were to walk away from their debts and live bravely, etc. etc.

            It also seems very likely she isn’t an active member of the bar in any state and she should probably STFU with “legal” advice.

          • Not! Random! says:

            Oh honey, those defaulted student loans aren’t going anywhere, as you’ll learn when you are 68 and trying to collect social security.

          • AFGHANI says:

            Well thanksfully for Alexis, the *Universe* will provide for her. That’s what her new schtick is, anyway.

          • AFGHANI says:

            just in case people want to see the kind of batshit she puts out there —

            http://twitter.com/#!/AlexisNeely/status/193951346255339522

          • Princess WideStance says:

            The universe will provide a path.

            That is some Tobias Funke shit right there.

      • Christine Kelly is the new Megan Alagna says:

        I currently have nearly 6,000 unread emails in my inbox. If you ignore everything but the shit that matters, it’s not hard to have a full inbox. These people consider this evidence that they matter. They are delusional.

        • AFGHANI says:

          but who would read that shit? why not just hit delete right away when you realize it’s not something you really want?

          i agree with what others have said, though. namely, that these loons are counting that sort of spam when they say they have more than 1000000+ emails to read.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Mailing lists. I am on a boatload of mailing lists from different writers’ conferences I’ve been to and I get kabillions of emails from people who are all ‘OMG YOU GUYS MY SELF-PUBLISHED NOVEL ABOUT DRAGON SEX IS AVAILABLE ON THE KINDLE RIGHT NOW’ every day.

        I am sure that Alexis is on a bunch of newage grifter mailing lists and she gets ‘OMG YOU GUYS I AM PERFORMING AN EXORCISM AT A SWEAT LODGE IN SEDONA NEXT WEEK’ or ‘MY MANGOSTEEN SMOOTHIES CURE CANCER FOR REALZ’ every day.

        Because your spam filter doesn’t catch it when it’s from people you actually correspond with, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

        Also, Change.org sends me four or five emails a day. And Kickstarter.

        • Melting Marionette says:

          (OT)

          …not to mention linkedin digests, and the reminders that you haven’t visited the membership forum lately.

          i’m a great fan of the “if you’re on the c.c. list or not directly addressed, delete it immediately” triage technique. 9/10 times this works which is fine with me, and my bosses.

          (/OT)

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      What’s going on in Vegas? Some convention for new age nut jobs? “Advanced Grifting” “Forgive Yourself and Forget Your Debt” I can only imagine…

  47. LTL says:

    I have to say I love that when you google “miss advised”, this site comes up before Bravo (Sadly, #2 to IMDB). “miss advised bravo” and “bravo miss advised” put other stuff near the top, but I’m sure we can change that, right?! Because who wouldn’t want ot come here to read about Bravo’s new reality show “Miss Advised”?

    • AFGHANI says:

      Will it help with SEO if we commenters start using “Miss Advised” in posts? Or adding hashtags?

      #MissAdvised

    • A Donkey is a Ass says:

      I just checked out Codename: A Donkey’s imdb page and read the message board. Funny shit. She obviously posted there to try and fish for compliments, but no one gives a shit enough about her so there are zero replies. Classic.

      Obvious Codename: A Donkey is obvious.

  48. Skye says:

    Wait where is this video of her screaming at poor Lilly? It’s not on her vimeo feed. Did she take it down?

  49. Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

    Jacy – please publish more of your emails with a Donkey! Do it for Redacted’s Mom! We need her to heal :)

    • Si si, Jacy! Laughter is the best medicine, after all …

      I bet the MotherLod would get a kick out of it if [Redacted] brought her some Bach to listen to. Lot’s & lot’s of Bach.

      • MY Beach Home says:

        I bet MotherLod would feel a lot better if she received a get well note from a donkey with a caricature of her own image on the cover. Remember when she gave Allie a set of those as a gift? What a loon. Who sends notecards with images of themself? Who does that?

        • Albie Quirky says:

          My father actually did that—he used to write a column for a weekly newspaper and they gave him some notecards with the caricature of himself that the newspaper’s cartoonist did of him and he would occasionally send them to me.

          I loved my dad immensely, but his narcissism was hilarious. He once came to see me and said “I’ve got a present for you I think you’ll really like” and it was a giant photo of himself, and the BFF I was living with at the time burst out laughing and couldn’t stop.

          • MY Beach Home says:

            Ha!

          • LOL. What can you do but laugh?

            Recently a bunch of family managed to be in town at the same time & so we got together for dinner at a busy restaurant … someone took pictures & later, when a couple of people were looking at ‘em, my one relative’s comments were along the lines of: “Ooh, that’s a good one of me!” … “Wait, go back, I think I really liked that one of me!” … “Ohhh! That’d be so cute of us if your eyes weren’t closed!” … on & on & on she went.

            The place was very noisy, so it took a while before she noticed that the more than a dozen+ people at our table had ceased talking & were watching her intently & laughing our asses off.

          • Worrisome Pelts says:

            @Brayella: Joe T’s by any chance?

          • Nope, but it was Mexican food, to be sure! :-) I’m not that big a fan of Joe T’s, but I do love their offshoot, Esperanza’s (Benito’s is my all-time fave though). Can you guess where, based on (IMO) THE. BEST. Mexican-done steaks in Cowtown?

          • That reminds me, Worrisome … I think I recall that you’re in or near the AH area, so I wonder if you’ve discovered Melis’ Taqueria down on Vickery (east of Hulen; a little shack on the north side of the road)? I recommend their chorizo & egg brkfst tacos w/ cheese & tomatillo sauce. ::sigh::

          • Worrisome Pelts says:

            Joe T’s isn’t my cup of tea either, Brayella. My theory is that their drinks are so strong that people don’t notice that the food is a dried out pile of suck.

            I did search out Melis after you mentioned it. Gracias.

            Mexican-done steaks? I couldn’t begin to guess.

          • Carne Asada at The Original … it’s more than $20+ bucks, but always worth it (same can be said for Fred’s $28 ribeye, one of which I’m long overdue for, dammit).

          • Worrisome Pelts says:

            Ha! The Original is within easy walking distance of my house. It’s funny to think we probably pass one another on the street all the time.

          • I’ll wear my donkey ears next time I’m on the Blvd!

            (Damn, you & my sis were practically neighbors — she was on Western, just n. of CBB) I was by the river for several years but am south of town now :(

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        I bet the most comforting thing to Redacted’s Mom is that her son now knows to turn tail and run when confronted by a relentless stalker Donkey.

  50. The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

    Wouldn’t anyone die of shame if their ex’s mom, who by all accounts is a classy, accomplished lady, was on public record having a laugh at your expense on blog devoted to hating you – a POPULAR blog not just run by Cheeto-breaths? I’d crawl under a rock, go to therapy, change my name and never venture out in public again before doing some SERIOUS soul-searching and possibly a 12 step program.

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      I was going to make this EXACT point earlier today. Well said.

      Of course if you were a sociopath, you wouldn’t do any of those things because in your mind the problem would lay with REDACTED’s mom and not with your behavior.

    • solidarity cat says:

      It is. AMAZING. Love you Mama [Redacted].

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Also, you would think she would get the hint by the fact that mothers/families of her boyfriends always hate her.

  51. Where's my rang? says:

    I guess the producers of the show like sending us tips so that we can watch the show. It’s a win-win, we get entertained and they get an audience. I cannot wait for this shit show.
    Let’s hope that she doesn’t become so hate-able that she gets her own spin-off :-o

  52. MY Beach Home says:

    OT: What the what with that idiot “Fox Mole” Joe Muto? Now he is crying about being served with a search warrant and accused of grand larceny – what did he think was going to happen when he violated his employment contract and leaked information to Gawker in a sadly transparent attempt to grab his 15 minutes and book contract?

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Same thing would have happened at any major corporation, but the asshat wants sympathy because he worked at a company whose values he didn’t share. Pull up your big boy pants and get in line, buddy.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Doing something in spite of the consequences can be admirable. Doing something with obvious consequences and then whining “no fairs!” when those consequences occur is the essence of doucherie. Dudebro is no Mark Felt.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      He was the most disappointing mole ever.

  53. bitchface says:

    well number 6 is obvs fake “… upcoming Bravo star ” – LOL

  54. Cut. Don't use that. says:

    Well I’ve found me a new Catladyname for awhile….

  55. Worrisome Pelts says:

    An Open Letter to Julia Allison:

    I spent my lunch hour in my city’s botanical garden and I’ve come back with a few thoughts for you.

    1) You like cameras? Great. Pick one up and point it at something other than yourself. Notice light and shadow and color. Take a picture. Don’t delete it if it isn’t perfect. Some things won’t come out the way you imagine them the first time, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep them around for a little bit to learn from. Do this every day until you develop a sense of what you like to look at, other than yourself.

    2) You like dogs? I’ve never seen any evidence to support that, but you swear it’s true. Great. Take Lilly for a long walk. Bring water and a bowl so she can take a break when she gets thirsty. Walk with her until she’s ready for a nap. Go to your local animal shelter or Humane Society. Walk their dogs. Play with their cats. Clean some cages. Ask questions. Do not talk about yourself.

    3) You like calling attention to yourself. Great. Well, not great, but we work with what we have. Offer to call bingo for a nursing home. When you finish, ask the nurses who could use a visitor. Spend at least an hour letting a lonely older person tell you anything s/he wants to get off her/his chest. Ask questions. Do not talk about yourself. Do not say you’ll see the person again if you do not intend to.

    4) You like to talk about food issues? I know you do. You know what’s worse than a gluten sensitivity? Having nothing to eat. Too many people in LA go to bed hungry. That’s a real food issue. You can help. Ask around for a good soup kitchen or community food group. Offer to help. Do not oversell your skills. Find honor in spreading mustard and learning to deal meat and cheese quickly and efficiently. You will make a difference in the life of a person who will never know your name. Embrace virtuous anonymity. Do not talk about yourself.

    5) Do you need structure? Trust me, you need structure. Do each of the above at least once a week. If you have to turn down a ROADTRIP or an opportunity to pose at one of Julia Price’s gigs in order to keep your obligations, do it. The rhythm of a regular routine brings things into focus. You won’t get as excited about cupcakes, but you also won’t find having people mock your knees on a humor blog quite so horrific. Do not talk about yourself.

    Julia, your life could be so much more than it is. You can’t get out of the reality show now, but when filming is over, you can carve out a real place for yourself. If you do, the premiere of your show will be a fun event you can share with the people you will meet at the animal shelter and the soup kitchen and the nursing home and on your Lilly walks. If not, you will think it is the be-all-end-all of your existence. And it probably will be.

    Ask what you can do for other people. Mean it. Do it.

    Best,

    [my real name redacted]

    PS – Don’t talk about yourself.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Fuck her knees are weird.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        They are weird. We wouldn’t know that if she didn’t beg us to look at them on the internet.

    • This deserves its own post, & unless CodeName: Donkey! actually does something of interest in the near future (I know, right?), it should stay up for a week.

      Tags: #BRAVO! ad #Miss Advised ad #Miss ASSvice ad #Save Lilly! #Ceiling Cats #Julia Allison Baugher #Julia Albertson #CodeName: Donkey! #Mexican food #Food issues #Hypochondria #Munchausen #Canklehausen #Potato-knees #Facial Injection DISASTERS #7 gallons of icing, main-lined #zooey deschanel sux too #Daddy Issues #Salivating over a future inheritance #TMS declined to renew this contract #Narcissism #ASShattery squared #Quit yelling in your dog’s ears, you moronic imbecile!

      P.S.
      CodeName: Donkey!

    • Donksers says:

      Great suggestions, Pelts. I hate to be a pessimist but I don’t think Donkey has it in her to be a good person. It’s just not there. Of all the things you mentioned, the thing she’d have the hardest time with is: “Don’t talk about yourself.” Impossible.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        Asking her flat out to be a good person would cause her to totally shut down and dismiss the speaker (or writer) as “mean,” whereas the concrete actions aren’t that difficult individually. Maybe she could just try one of them and see if it isn’t ZOMGFUN.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        How can you say such a thing? Not a good person?

        What about those generous wish boxes she gave to her “sisters” for Valentine’s Day that one time? Stick glue was involved, you angry, sort of sad adult!

        What about that $4.99 potted tulip she gave to Prom King for housing her family and tolerating her madness for two long weeks during BirthCray 2010?

        What about the fact that she sang show tunes to her dying grandmother while in the “anger stage of grief” and plotting how to spend her upcoming inheritance?

        Who do you think you are?

    • Delurked says:

      you got high at the botanical garden, didn’t you.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        Damn, that would have been better.

        Actually, I wandered around with my camera and got a little perspective on something stupid that had blown up to fill my field of vision. It was one of my rare, wildly misplaced moments of sympathy for Julia. She truly thinks all this matters.

        Related: How early is too early for a mojito? Never? Good.

    • Cowboys & Brayliens says:

      You forgot:

      6) Get some fucking sleep.

  56. TheSpanishInterrogation says:

    HOLYSHIZ! I have been heavily involved in my desk erranding and sadly been away from RBD for several weeks now (I know, DEVESTATING) I come back get caught up and now that I have read all of this I can firmly say…. THIS BISH IS CRAZY!!!!
    My my my ::shakes head:: … DONKEY, your desperation is at epic levels… ::shoves Cheetos in mouth::

    Get. A. Pill. For. That. Cray. You. Got. Going. On. There.. Donks~

  57. Sally says:

    Do you really go out of your way to blog about this girl up to three times a day? You are a fucking loser.

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