Deep Thoughts By Julia Handey: The Latest Instalment

“A real art project changes the artist.” 

Watching someone live their dreams is intimidating, sometimes painful – it forces you to ask yourself why you’re not living yours.

“Trusting life means trusting where you are & trusting where you’ll go & trusting the way in between. Like a bus trip: bumpy but reliable.”

“Take care that you do not measure the autumn by the spring.” – Karen Miller

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242 Responses to Deep Thoughts By Julia Handey: The Latest Instalment

  1. CaptainGary says:

    WTF is “trusting life?”

    • mcakez says:

      Yeah, are there other options? Like, “Hmm, yeah, no. I’m going to go with the competitor, instead.”

      • CaptainGary says:

        Or, like, why “trust life” to get you where you want to go? How about, oh, I don’t know, WORKING AT IT??

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          How about working at it? That’s what makes me LOL – Julia, Inactive Donkey, thinks Twattering lofty quotes = hard work and action.


          Hit the learn button, gurl.

  2. Sick Whip says:

    Like this bitch has ever taken the bus in her life.

    • Sick Whip says:

      Oh wait, I forgot about Bolt Bus, because she hates to spend money on anything practical like a train ride.

      • This one is a no-boner says:

        I really can’t stand when comments portray her as some sort of spoiled brat. An entitled hick? Yes. Maybe I’m just out of touch. Her being spoilt is so relative. Her parents are NOT RICH. Neither is she. She is not, and will never be ‘spoiled’ … she’s a hick, a tacky upper middle class hick. Emphasis on ‘middle’ as her parents are stuck in the hell hole suburbs of Chicago. They cannot afford her mistakes = Not Rich.

        • Sick Whip says:

          I never said she was rich. But yeah, she is spoiled. Her parents bankroll her life. She always complains about spending money on practical stuff, but will spend $300 on fug headbands at Bendel’s in the space of 10 minutes. She’s gross no matter how you slice it.

          • Helena (Betrays Signs Of Bitterness) says:

            I agree, I don’t think you have to be rich (other than by a starving African’s standards) to be spoiled. IMO it’s perfectly possible to be lower middle class and still spoiled as hell. In fact, I’d say that as long as Donkey’s standard of life is better than that of a starving African, it makes sense to consider her spoiled, because unlike many starving Africans, the bitch does NUTHIN.


          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            She must have been babied and coddled her whole life. The chick can’t even cook for herself and struggles with the most basic chores involved in adult life, if the TaskRabbit requests are any indication. That shit is not normal for a 31 year old and suggest Mommy and Daddy must have done everything for her, and then the various dudes in her life started taking care of her too.

        • Skirt Pull says:

          Actually, I think you could safely say they’re in the 1%. The OMG Downtown Condo is a $1.5 million second home.

          • AFGHANI says:

            $1.5M property would be ~$33k per yr in property taxes in Baltimore. What are Chicago’s property taxes like?

            And imagine the condo fees in a full service building like that… just wow.

            I hope they’re getting their money’s worth…

          • This one is a no-boner says:

            They are not in the 1%. Close, but not. 1% is above $750k yr at this point. No way, no how.

          • Sick Whip says:

            Guys…$750k per annum is easy to come by if you’ve got a decent amount of inherited wealth invested wisely AND are partner at a fair-to-middle law firm (Afghani, don’t even fucking start with dissecting that statement).

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I don’t think it’s beyond the realm of possibilities that Dadsers brings that much in a year in salary, for speaking engagements and in investments. I would definitely consider them in the one per cent, which is why their daughter is such an entitled, clueless asshole.

          • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

            ok, no boner is very sure of lots of incorrect things… 1) i don’t spoiled means what you think it means… 2) to be in the top 1% of household income only requires ~$380K, about half of your assertion.

            And if her father is a partner in his firm, I’d be quite surprised if they weren’t hitting the 750k anyway…

          • Albie Quirky says:

            They probably bought the DOWNTOWN CONDO twenty years ago for $250K like my friend’s parents did (in the building next door, I think, based on the photos out the window), and they obviously haven’t put a cent into the joint since.

            Doubt that Pettifogger brings home upwind of $500K based on his firm having a revenue of ca. $10M annually, per whatever source I spent ten seconds looking it up on a while back. Yes, that is immense, obscene amounts of money by almost everyone’s standards, except for the standards of the rich people A Donkey wants us to think she is.

            A Donkey falls between two stools; she’s just as spoiled and useless as any celebutante, but without the family resources to guarantee she’ll never have to work a day in her life. If she would actually grow a pair of ovaries and take advantage of her upper-middle-class privilege and undeserved opportunities, she would probably do quite well for herself financially, but she’s so fucking useless she can’t even get to third base when she was born on second.

          • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

            Albie, I’m pretty sure the building their downtown condo is in is a pretty new building. Nowhere near 20 years old.

          • AFGHANI says:

            The Downtown Mental Clinic Condo is in a pretty new building. And I think Albie is right… I’d guess Pettifogger can pay for Julia to a point, but doesn’t have the money to bankroll her for life (like Megtard’s dad can). He can spoil her, but he can’t let her spend freely, he has to dole it out. Julia’s stuck in the middle.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Charles Forman…, thanks for the correction! Zillow tells me that the building was built in 2004, and that a three-bedroom unit on the same floor is priced at $740,000. (I don’t see any two-bedroom units, which I thought theirs was, on a nearby floor in Zillow.)

            It is right near my friends’ parents older ZOMG downtown condo, as I suspected, so I don’t resign my Nancy Drew hat entirely.

          • Prof. F Camping says:

            (the condo was $1.1 million in 2005. property taxes were just under $15k in 2010. and they also have a THIRD home, the one next door to the OMG lakeside assisted living facility.)

          • Oh god says:

            My uncle lives in that same condominium building; I’ve run into Julia on the dog run when I watch their dogs. It’s connected to the University Club somehow – I think quite a few of the people who bought the original condos four or five years ago were members, but I’m not sure. Regardless, I do know that those condos are at least $1.5 to 2 million unfurnished, and his condo is way smaller than the pics I’ve seen of the OMG Downtown Condo.

            She’s a hick all right, but she’s been blessed with parents who are richer than most Americans. Being tacky has nothing to do with being rich, and unfortunately for Julia, their money has never been able to buy her class, taste or kindness. I’ve always thought the fact that her father’s connections could never buy her a permanent job was the absolutely saddest thing about her. There are tons of mediocre upper middle class kids I knew from Chicago who are at least capable enough to be propped up by their parents, but not Julia.

          • featherbrained says:

            Partners at Dadsers firms make a couple of million per year. I know this for a fact.

          • Skirt Pull says:

            Nope, the public record shows they bought it for something like $1.4 mil, as I recall.

        • Onehundredcats says:

          “stuck in the hell hole suburbs of Chicago.” what the fuck does that mean? As opposed to where?
          I wouldn’t consider the North Shore area a hell hole but like you mention its “so relative.”

          • This one is a no-boner says:

            It is indeed, relative.

          • Sick Whip says:

            Toianb, I have to ask: Have you ever been to the Chicago suburbs? Just because it’s not the Midwest doesn’t mean there’s no money there. Shit, northwest Arkansas and Cincinnati have high concentrations of personal wealth, too. What does it being the Midwest have to do with anything? I wouldn’t choose to live there, but I’ve been to very pleasant suburbs in Chicago where raising a family would make a lot of sense.

        • New Year New You says:

          If you think The Kingdom of Baugher does not count as rich, you are indeed out of touch.

          • Sick Whip says:

            Feel free to relax, only the 1% counts as rich! Or so I was told up above…

          • This one is a no-boner says:

            No, I understand that. I just don’t like that these sort of ‘poor little rich girl’ comments. Rich girl? No. I’m sorry, but no. This is a girl who wants people to be envious of her and jealous of her lifestyle. She stays on couches and can’t afford the lowest class Mercedes. NOT RICH. All I’m sayin’

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            Not rich, fine. Spoiled? Most definitely.

          • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

            Boner, quit being either an obvious troll, or revealing your own out-of-touch privilege. julia laugher is spoiled. and the baugher’s are most certainly rich by any normal standard, unless you’re in a few very select circles and comparing the merely rich to the super rich. it is simply absurd and insulting to say otherwise. are there richer people that julia aspires to? of course.

          • Sick Whip says:

            She’s spoiled, from a rich family. No, she doesn’t want to spend her trust fund on hotels or anything practical – she wants to blow it on hideous outfits and Halloween costumes, because she’s so fucking entitled that she thinks she DESERVES all of these things to be handed to her for free. That’s why she has no qualms about hitting up friends of friends (read: STRANGERS) and asking if she can stay on their couch. Bitch is spoiled AND cheap.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            She’s rich compared to most people. She’s not anywhere near as rich as she wants people to think she is. She is a pampered upper-middle-class suburbanite who wants people to think she’s living a Rockefeller/Hilton/Vanderbilt/Astor style life.

          • Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

            I consider myself to have grown up very privileged, and my family was nowhere near the Baughers in terms of income. They are rich. End of story.

          • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

            albie, come on… “She is a pampered upper-middle-class suburbanite.” middle-class? look, we can all agree she is a hick in a fur. nuveau riche. whatever you want to call it. but they are simply not upper-middle-class. it is amazing to me actually how far off folks’ anchors are on where they think the middle is in this country. it is actually a big problem. so many rich folks who compare themselves to the obscenely rich and think they are poor by comparison and therefore shouldn’t be taxed highly, etc… they aren’t rich after all! the median household income in the u.s. is ~50k/yr. median… another word for “middle”. if your family makes six figures, even low six figures, you aren’t middle class. you’re rich. twice as rich as the middle family. over half the households in the country make under 50K. i think a lot of folks if asked how much per year puts you in the top 1% would make the same mistake as boner above and grossly overestimate it. including many folks who are probably in the 1%…

        • Perpetual Donk of Shame says:

          Re- No-(brain)Boner – Do you really think one has to be wealthy to raise a spoiled asshat? I can assure you that the answer to that question is ‘no’ .
          A spoiled individual is one who has been given a plethora of items and or opportunities through no merit of their own. A spoiled individual is one who either does not bother to understand or does not care about issues outside of their personal sphere of interest. A person is spoiled through sad sack ass parenting and an indulgent society. The dumbass donkey is spoiled- whether her parents are monied or not they and those around her have created an entitled, lazy, self absorbed waste of natural resources. She is indeed spoiled – in every sense of the word.

        • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

          Huh? I live in the city of Chicago, grew up in the suburbs of California. I wouldn’t choose to live in any of the suburbs here but that’s not because they’re shabby.

          You seem to have some kind of weird chip on your shoulder about the midwest, a mentality I encountered A LOT in California (are you Californian? do you live in some shitty stucco 4,000 sq. ft. McMansion on 0.15 acres in Orange County with OMG granite countertops?).

          I agree with you totally that Julia’s parents are indeed well off but not by any stretch “rich” by many standards.

          By the way, this is a PUBLIC high school in one of the “hell hole” Chicago suburbs — it’s not even one of the nicest suburbs.


          • AFGHANI says:

            **admires the windows and caulking**

            **not a joke–those really are great windows**

          • North Shore Bitch says:

            Haha, I went to that high school! Although you couldn’t pay me to return to the North Shore – ever. Too many toxic people.

            Oh also, not to beat up on you here Charles Forman, but Lake Forest was actually the wealthiest per household of all the North Shore city suburbs, prior to 2008. I’m assuming you’re comparing it to Kenilworth? Which is currently the wealthiest, post-housing slump. Fun fact: Lake Forest was also mentioned in The Great Gatsby.

        • Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

          She’s as spoiled as 6 month old milk.

          And the Boogers might not be old money Europe rich, but at no point do they stress about money. Ever.

          • JFA says:

            Exactly. Who went to fucking Princeton and Yale law school in dadsers time? WHo largely goes to those schools now? It mostly ain’t poor kids FYI.

        • dd says:

          It’s all relative, I think. I think she is spoiled when it comes to men. She expects (or EXPECTED as she can’t seem to get a date anymore) men to pay for everything and treat her like a princess.

        • JFA says:

          Um, really? How much do you think Dadsers makes as a law firm partner? How loaded is Granny? How many women went to Stanford in in her mother’s time? Not poor people I can say that.

          Are they the Rockefeller’s? NO. Are they the top 1% of this country? Yes. So yeah to me that is rich. They own a multi-million dollar home. I mean, whatever. That’s rich to me but I grew up working class so.

          • JFA says:

            I will never not believe she has a trust fund. You don’t live in NYC, or anywhere, with essentially no job for 5 years. Yeah no.

            Rich is relative I guess. But being amont the top wage earners in the entire country, making prob triple plus the salary of the average american – that’s rich to me.

        • JFA says:

          I’m trying not to argue with people, but Boner, you are a fucking moron.

          Are you Bonercide of old? Yeah. Shut the fuck up, no one agrees with you which usually means you are fucking wrong when you are amongst this many smart people.

          A salary of $500K a year plus multiple million dollar properties doesn’t count as rich to you LOL!!! You are a tremendous moron.

          • JFA says:

            I am on vicodin for a broken limb and I will cut a bitch today. You know dick about class in this country if you think the Baughers aren’t rich.

            Just shut your mouf.

          • featherbrained says:


            Yup. Right on. As the wifcat of an attorney I must agree with all you said. I know Pa Baugher’s firm and his salary. They are WAY above middle class salaries and unlike my situation, Pa Baugher sent his kids to public school because they didn’t require education for special needs (Jules has special needs, LOL, but the baughers pretend they don’t exist).

          • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

            Well, WHAT is his salary?

      • Truth Squad says:

        Snooki is spoiled

        Lots of dumb suburban kids are spoiled.

        This family is like many others — some inherited wealth, professional income; it adds up. It’s wealth and privilege,
        but it’s far from rich, if you define rich as wealth that will span generations

        An NBA player is wealthy. The team owner is rich.


        • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

          truth squad if by “many others” you mean probably <.5% of the population. let's see how many rich people in one thread can shrink the definition of rich so small to be only a few thousand folks, so that they can feel that they aren't rich!
          julia's family is rich. this is just a ridiculous argument. bill gates is really really rich. there are some other folks who are also much richer than her family. but compared to almost everybody else in the country and the world she's loaded to the cutlets.

          • Truth Squad says:

            It’s not who has more than who

            It’s whose wealth is sustainable

            The wealth of the professional class means their children will be comfortable and can buy a house with help from parents and don’t have to take out student loans — but they still have to work

          • DSM-V: JFA Edition says:

            Tell that to donkey….

          • Truth Squad says:

            well, that’s the point

            the neurosurgeon who makes 1mm/year has cash and has assets but the cash comes from working, not from wealth

        • NonSobriety says:

          I know someone who grew up with a mother who depended entirely on disability to cover the home expenses. This person got a lot of sympathy from people who felt bad for her and showered her with “extras” she wasn’t getting at gome and talked so much about what she deserved that the girl came to believe it. With no “wealth” background she has the same self-entitlement and spoiled obnoxiousness as A Donkey. One does not need to be rich/wealthy/yada to be a spoiled little princess bitch.

          • pearipathetic donkey says:

            Exactly. I know quite a few people from working class neighborhoods who were raised this way.

        • Toolbag says:

          I thought that was the other way around. The NBA player is rich. The guy who owns the team is wealthy.

    • mcakez says:

      Julia is the Vince Weiguang Li of life’s bus.

  3. FIEIRCE Mani (pedi) says:

    Donkey, you put tweets out that should be in person conversation, at 3am….stop it and get some sleep. We beg you.

  4. mcakez says:

    The logo in that picture is so awesome in so many ways. “It’s sliced, and diced, and looks like Julianed fries!” or “Don’t like what nature gave you? Roll the dice, let us dice, and you, too, could look this… something!”

  5. Whining Poofy Bore says:

    I once took a 12-hour bus ride, and in the first hour someone vomited on me. And the driver wouldn’t stop. So I guess I should tweet something smart about this: “Trusting life is like a bus trip: you’re going to be covered in rejected coconut curry, and the best thing to do is burn your pants after you finally change.”

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      Sorry, that curry was hella spicy and I get terrible motion sickness. Next time I’ll try to make it to the shower.

  6. JuliaCleaver says:

    Donkey you need better pearls of wisdom, here is one..

    Karma is a bitch, and you Donkey Ain’t that bitch..

    • NonSobriety says:

      But are they freshwater pearls of wisdom?

      • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

        I still can’t get over the fact that she’s such a fucking hick she doesn’t know that freshwater pearls are the cheapest kind you can buy.

  7. Prof. F Camping says:

    so… you’re saying the Coffee Art Project wasn’t a “real” art project?!

  8. The Final Rose says:

    My cat just spent a full minute staring at the Julia gif, ears twitching the entire time – ready to pounce. Someone is getting extra catnip tonight!

  9. NonSobriety says:

    Why is a raven like a writing desk?

    You can always take more than nothing.

    When you come to the end… STOP.

    • Helena (Betrays Signs Of Bitterness) says:

      Brilliant. My God, I believe you’ve cracked the code!

      Cf.: “Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of arithmetic — Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.”

      Right? Right? 🙂

      • Albie Quirky says:

        “When I use a word,” Honkey Donkey said in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.”

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        No; it’s because the is a B in both.

    • Donkeycam Now! says:

      Can I be your disciple?

  10. iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

    I hate these self-help qoutes. Just work hard and try to be a good person to those around you. It’s not that hard JAB!

  11. Helena (Betrays Signs Of Bitterness) says:

    That bus shit up there has made me completely lose the will to live, or trust, or take a bus ever again. Is if living your dream is like trusting a bus?

    Donkey reminds me of Rabbi Raditz of Poland, a very short rabbi with a long beard whose sense of humor was said to have inspired many pogroms.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      One of his disciples asked, “Who did God like better, Moses or Abraham?” “Abraham,” the Zaddik said. “But Moses led the Israelites to the Promised Land,” said the disciple. “All right, so Moses,” the Zaddik answered.

  12. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    “Life is like a Mercedes SLK ride: both are paid for by my daddy.”
    -a more realistic Donkeyism

    • AFGHANI says:

      comment of the week

    • NonSobriety says:

      Actually my father doesn’t give me money, nor does my mother, I don’t have a trust fund (I wish I did!), in fact they only helped me one time after I graduated with $3845308454540 and also paid for school and also let me live in their condo (AT A SUBSIDIZED RATE!!!) after I had work out my welcome in 3 states, 17 cities and 376 couches. They also paid for my first 3 noses, but NO FILLERS. Hope that cleared things up. Feel free to relax. It’s not like my finances are your business.

  13. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    “Oh oh, you’ve watched the show? Yes, our Julia is quite the ‘performance artist’, isn’t she? Of course she’s nothing like that, that’s obvious, it’s all just performance art for the camera. We’re very proud of her, and she’s working on a book. Oh, we don’t want to ask, don’t want to interfere with her madcap genius, but it’s sure to be good. Good seeing you. By the way, we had the fish, it’s excellent, such a specialty of the chefs here at our University Club!”

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      Definitely the spin Robin is gonna have to give to those powerful moms.

      • Scooby Don't says:

        I wonder if this show will inspire another session of Momsers and daughter not speaking. It seems to be how the family handles the serious issues.

    • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

      I am betting this is, possibly for the first time ever, going to cause major turmoil in the family. There’s just to way such buttoned-up people can be happy about their daughter looking like such a donkey for all their friends, business associates, and the world to see.

      • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

        What I mean to say is that basically, they won’t be able to spin this in any way that does much to alleviate the humiliation… everyone’s going to see what a fucking loon they raised.

    • Donkeycam now! says:

      Julia is the Picasso of the 21st century, but with better legs.

  14. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    “Let It Unfold”, “Trust Life”, etc, etc, etc. Anyone understand why Donkey is so obsessed by these sorts of ideas about just going with the flow? I don’t get it and I’m genuinely curious.

    • Prof. F Camping says:

      she believes in the secret and thinks good things will just come to her because she is a genuinely nice person; she wants to be carefree, hippiesh, go with the flow because she perceives a lot of successful people/potential wallets to have these qualities (also, she’s lazy, and “letting it unfold” requires zero effort). but then when life hands her lemons and parking tickets, she feels a lack of control and generally impotent about her own life and direction; she is essentially teh dumbz, but her severe Dunning-Kruger prevents her from seeing this. so essentially, i think it’s because she’s lazy + obsessed with appearances + narcissist (good things will come to meeeee!) + has no follow-through.

    • anon says:

      It’s because she obsesses over things and then does things to fuck up her life. And regrets it later.

      But even getting the ugly Let it Unfold (TM non-dying granny money pants) tattoo hasn’t prevented her from fucking up a number of things, including her relationship with Pancakes McCain.

      • diluted brain says:

        True that. She doesn’t know how to let anything unfold – she forces it down people’s throats. Imagine dating her? There’s no mystery whatsoever,,,, yawn.

    • mcakez says:

      Because she’s an idiot.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        Yes, but mere idiocy is a random generator of inanity, cliches, and bad taste. These cliches form a clear pattern.

        • Sake Bombardier says:

          Because she is also insane, repeatedly doing the same lame things in hopes of a different result.

    • Scooby Don't says:

      Because she hates to have to buckle down and work for anything. She wants all the good stuff to flow to her, like on the tide.
      Just one problem Donkey, the tide may come in. But it also goes out again.

  15. Meow Mix says:

    OK, I have to know about the mesmerizing gif in this post.

    Is it from different moments from the same interview spliced together, or did she pull all those faces at once?

    • CDB says:

      I can’t stop staring at it. Its like someone is tickling her, then sticking her with pins, then popping a balloon in front of her face, then camera flashes, then lemon juice on her lips, this has to be spliced. Also it is the best full face frontal of her I have seen in a while

    • anon says:

      It’s actually all from several continuous seconds. It’s the beginning (:06-:13) of this interview:

      • Meow Mix says:

        Thanks for posting the link, anon! Holy shit! Sorry if this has been parsed before, but Christ almighty this is the worst video I’ve seen of her.

        *Holy greaseballs. Her nasiolabal folds are soooo shiny.
        *Is she on Adderall or something? She keeps opening her eyes reallllllllllly wide and mashing her lips together/licking/chewing on them.
        *At one point she runs her claws through her greasy hair. Vom. And she won’t stop pawing at her neck, chest, and face.
        * Fake eyelashes of doom
        *Those eyebrows are… something else.
        *How many nosejobs has she had? She should’ve stayed with the original Baugher nose, because this one is… yeah.
        *Biting bottom lip at 00:52! **Adorable!**
        *2:00: “I searched Facebook by city to find the people I knew, and some of them were weak connections so I asked them who they knew in the city.” So… you had to find friends-of-friends-of-acquaintances to grift off?
        *2:30: “Most of it was couch-surfing because I was poor so I spent most of my money on flights and none on accommodations.” So, you’re too ‘poor’ to afford a hotel (even though you have a free apartment in Chicago), but can afford to fly around the country without a job for a year?
        *When the interviewer asks her a pretty good question about the safety aspect of “digital nomadism,” she gives the most retarded, rambling answer ever. “When I went to places I didn’t know I felt like a badass! I told myself ‘you have to figure it out cause no one will rescue you!'” I can’t even parse that one. There are no words.

        • helobabe says:

          She seems different than usual. Just as awful as always but, it almost feels like she took notes on what she thinks is cute or attractive and is practicing her version of them. Like the big eye thing thing and biting her lip and smiling and tossing her hair. It’s like her wannabe impression of Zooey D. She used to do a lot more of pretend bidness lady thoughtful posing, clucking her tongue before she says something SUPER important, serious face, etc. Interested to see what version of her shows up in the show!

        • Oh god says:

          Yeah, I’m confused about the safety question too. Did she ever actually stay with a stranger? Not sure if safety is a real issue when you’re crashing on your three friends’ couches over and over again in rotation.

          • Toolbag says:

            She never stayed with a stranger.

          • Subsidized Donk Den says:

            Never! She’d have tweeted about it nonstop. Hilarious to hear her call herself adventurous and a badass when she spent, what, five or six years in NYC and ate at the same five places? Barely ever ventured to Brooklyn? Spent most of her time cooped up in her tiny studio? And she’s done similar shit in L.A.: hike in Runyon, juice at Earth Bar, lather rinse repeat. Seriously, though, she has always come across, extroversion aside, like she is terrified of trying new things unless someone cool/desirable does it with her.

            She can never decide which person she’s going to be, the slightly prudish scared-of-things Charlotte York-esque coquette, or the ‘pescetarian’ bohemian burner hippie nomad. I guess whichever is most attractive to the current wallet wins out.

          • Shamoolia says:

            Also – going to the same three of four major domestic hubs over and over again -WHAT AN ADVENTURER!!

          • Peltergeist says:

            The thought of her lifestyle makes me feel ill. It sounds like my nightmare. I can’t imagine flying across the country to the same damn cities over and over again for no reason, knowing that I’m not even going to have a nice bed to sleep in or friends who genuinely want to spend time with me.

            Kind of OT but: There have been three separate times one of my friend’s friends have contacted me to ask if they could stay in my place — all Australians, all cheap, all totally random links. I got seriously burned by hosting the first one and said no to the other two, who both thought I was just the rudest, most evil person ever for no longer opening my doors to complete strangers and cooking for them. The next one stayed with another tenuous friend of a friend here and totally trashed his apartment. I seriously had not seen that amount of empty beer cans strewn around a room (WITH a garbage can in it!) since going to my first and last frat party freshman year of college. I imagine the mess from Ol’ Elephant Knees is comparable (not in beer… maybe makeup) and I can’t imagine how much people dread having her “visit.”

          • Shamoolia says:

            I know Peltergeist. It’s like she creates “business travel” for herself for no reason. Business travelers HATE what she does – flying to major hubs, in economy class, on discount airlines. At least they get to sleep in real beds and not couches. She might as well be riding around in a Greyhound bus multiple times a month. It’s so unglamorous and gross, yet she acts like she’s some kind of jet setting diva. It is to laugh.

            Bitch, fly to Ibiza, St. Barts or Mustique a couple of times a year and we’ll talk about being “jealous” of your nomadic lifestyle. Right now, she’s about as glamorous as a mid-level regional salesperson.

          • Helena (Betrays Signs Of Bitterness) says:

            ….without the paycheck the salesperson would get for it, thus having an actual reason for all the reeling and writhing.

            SSD, I couldn’t agree more. Donkey seems totally terrified of anything even remotely adventurous, like Paris or older men for example.

      • CaptainGary says:
      • Subsidized Donk Den says:

        I just need to laugh when she calls herself a risk-taker — “maybe it’s because of all of the risks I’ve taken in my career.” You mean by not having one? Yep, it is very risky to have a career when you don’t plan on doing any actual work, I’ll grant her that.

        • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

          Well, I’d say not doing your work is a big risk, as is posing with the competition’s cover (while on Star’s payroll), as is claiming your flight was cancelled when it’s easily verified that you’re lying, as is skipping Fashion Week when your face is recovering from another date with Dr. Bobby…etc. She takes a lot of risks, but they’re all fucking stupid ones.

        • mcakez says:

          I want to have this comment’s abortion.

          I mean that as a compliment.

      • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

        Scariest cray, cray gif ever.

    • Cowboys & Brayliens says:

      She pulled all of those faces at once! I took a particularly cringeworthy sequence and looped it back and forth, so some of the faces wind up looking a little longer because it’s the end of the loop. The ends of the loop are when she finishes licking her chops, and right in the middle of the donkey-in-headlights pose.

      If you think the gif is mesmerizing, try looking at it in full resolution in iMovie. I swear I saw that clownface a million times before finally exporting to Photoshop (and then exporting the gif). After a while, you can’t tell which is forwards and which is backwards. I found that particularly disturbing.

    • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:
      No fillers or injections were used in the making of this image

  16. diluted brain says:

    She seems like one of those people I would hide or defriend on fb. She needs a friend, a man, and a life.

  17. Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

    All of her stupid “Let it unfold” and “Trust in life” bullshit makes me really want to tear my hair out a little. That above all else demonstrates her entitlement and sense of privilege — don’t worry, special snowflake, life is just going to take care of you because you’re you.

    This is a mentality 99.999999999999999999999% of human beings on this planet cannot afford to subscribe to, literally. As in, you cannot wait for life to deliver you clean water. You cannot wait for life to hand you a job. Etc.

    • Kissy Face to a Crowd of Crickets says:

      This is what I hate about “The Secret” and other such bullshit. It only “works” for the privileged class in the Western world.

  18. CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

    I was looking at these old photos of her like this one:

    It was many noses, brow lift, injections, eye work, and possibly even lower jaw surgery. I noticed she had a much worse overbite and a very angular jaw. Now, it appears corrected but with a much squarer jaw as though she had maxio-facial surgery that pulled the end of her lower jaw forward. I had this surgery when I wore braces. The results look familiar.

    • CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

      *It was many noses, brow lift, injections, eye work and possibly even lower jaw surgery ago.

      It’s practically a different person.

    • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

      I don’t subscribe at all to the idea that Julia has had a brow lift much less major jaw surgery… when would she get the time to recover, and the money for the procedure? She’s just really skinny in that photo — that’s the thinnest I’ve seen her look. Her face shape, like mine, really changes with weight gain and of course the injections aren’t helping either.

      Also, her hair is much more flattering in that photo.

      • CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

        Right, because “weight gain” changes the bone structure of your face. And also raises your browline, but only in the middle. Okay.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        Not saying she had jaw surgery but if she did, it can be prescribed by a dentist – my sister’s was and it was paid 100% by insurance.

      • Bi-coastal Birthday Chicken (افغانی ) (AFGHANI) says:

        So you think she really does go to the ashram the entire time when she goes into hiding for a week? (I think this happened on 2 separate occassions)

    • yawnsers says:

      Those gross yellow teeth next to her front veneers never fail to make me want to barf.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      That was right after Lodwick fled, and she was pretty skeletal then — that could explain the more angular face.

    • Sweaty Juicy Couture says:

      That’s an interesting photo: 1) martini in hand, *doesn’t drink!*
      2) sugar deluxe petit-fours *sugar s/b outlawed!*
      3) and….the WONK-Eye!

    • Peltergeist says:

      I don’t have any idea what exactly she did to her face, but it’s undeniable that she did a LOT.

  19. Truth Squad says:

    that gif is like when the wall-e robot my kid had was running low on batteries and all its movements were, well, just like that

  20. BunnyBingo says:

    I thought Juliar was going to start commenting up in here. False advertising Juliar. Also, caterpillars do not make for good false eyelash substitutes.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I told her not to bother and we will block her if she shows up. “Tech queen” has plenty of platforms on which to address criticism of her. She can do it on one of those.

      • Bi-coastal Birthday Chicken (افغانی ) (AFGHANI) says:

        Lasagna must really be out of the picture. And no new interns?

        Is it just me or is the Julia/Julia InternSushi page down? I looked the other day and couldn’t find the ad? Any chance Flusher is making motions towards bailing on donk?

        • Whore My Own Way says:

          Stupid Lasagna, CFO of a fake-ass company, as well as Chief Dogwatcher for a donkey. Nice life, loser.

      • LickedRandisCake says:

        Weren’t you going to post the emails between you and her? Pretty please?

  21. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    I have to agree with the gem about not measuring the autumn by the spring. PICK A SEASON, people.

    • Orwell-Style CyberPolice Force says:

      It’s kind of a weird quote because it’s basically like saying “When things start to suck, don’t look back on your glory days.” So I guess, yeah, maybe she should take that advice.

  22. whaaaaaa says:

    this gif is one of the scariest things i have ever seen.

    • Wonkeye says:

      Are those false eyelashes or extensions? They’re freaky and fake like the rest of her, so I guess it doesn’t matter.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        I don’t know why she takes the time to put on fake eye lashes and then walks around with her hair looking so greasy and gross. The Jesse Draper video – her hair is a fright wig – even worse than this.

        • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

          Eyelash extensions only need to be done once a month. They’re actually great for lazy people.

          • mcakez says:

            Yes, but knowing her she gets them redone every three months, so what you are seeing is clumps of extension, glue and days worth of improperly rinsed mascara glued together with dirt and dried tears.

            A festering, overgrown sheath of muck on her lashes, locked like two dogs after fucking. Only grosser.

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      My lips are feeling really chapped, looking at it over & over.

  23. Sake Bombardier says:

    Life is like a ride on a Bolt bus. If you’re a chick in Julia’s vicinity and you provoke her ire, expect her to plaster her issue with you on the internet. #boltbusbitch #nevahfuget

  24. psychotic today says:

    OT: I saw a commercial for Garnier’s BB cream this morning. You cat ladies were far ahead of the marketing for BB creams. They are everywhere now. I’m using the Garnier one right now. It’s cheap and people comment on how healthy my skin looks. I just wish it wasn’t sooo shinny. Long story short, thanks for the rec cat ladies!

    • Peltergeist says:

      I have a question about the Garnier cream, actually… I saw in the store the shade options were light/med and then med/dark. They had a tester of the med/dark shade only and I am slightly too pale for it, but I’m worried the light shade would make me look like a ghost. I am kind of pale, but with olive undertones so finding a shade of any kind of makeup drives me nuts since my skin color can change dramatically in a day if I don’t use sunscreen. Does anyone who has bought this have shade advice?

    • Charles Forman was her Jake Lodwick Lite says:

      I’ve been looking for it but neither Walgreen’s nor the big chain grocery store near me have it… is it in the skincare or makeup section? Because I’ve never seen Garnier makeup before. I’ll check CVS when it crosses my path.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Seconding “I found it in the CVS skincare aisle.” For $11.99.

        The light shade is surprisingly not light at least for my ghost-like skin.

    • Shamoolia says:

      I found my Garnier BB cream at Target for about $13, and went with the light/medium shade and I think it blends in fine and isn’t too light. If it’s too shiny, I set it with a little powder. I am olive and freckly so my skin color is varied, and I think it looks fine. I think it was in the skin care section – like with the lotions – not with the cleansers.

    • for serious??? says:

      I bought the Garnier BB and thought it was too thick/slick. I was about to swear off BBs entirely and went to the Stila counter at ULTA to splurge on a tinted moisturizer instead. They talked me into their BB ($38, but I had a 20% off coupon). Oh, man…it’s amazing.

      I don’t know what it’s made of, but I am guessing its main ingredient is wishes because my face is flawless and the BB has a ton of nourishing ingredients in it that make your face feel baby soft after removal. Get. On. It.

      • rankles the jankles says:

        Do any of you catladies who tried BB creams have sensitive skin?

      • Shamoolia says:

        I find that the Garnier does feel like a grease bomb going on, but if you just give it a minute to set or put a little powder on, it feels fine. I got talked into some Korean BB cream for $28 but I haven’t used it yet. Good to know the Stila stuff is good.

    • psychotic today says:

      I found mine at Harmons but I know CVS sells it. It’s the in the same aisle as face wash and creams. I have medium to light skin with yellow undertones and a slight case of rosecea. I use the darker shade and it evens my skin tone out a lot. I saw that the Frisky did a review of a BB cream sold at Sephora. I’m tempted to try that next.

    • Jane says:

      Hate BB cream. Used the stuff from Korea before the US brands jumped on the bandwagon (I USED BB CREAM BEFORE IT WAS COOL) and it was disgustingly greasy, wore off very quickly, and made me break out like a madman. YMMV kitties!

  25. Ineffably Adverbial says:

    Catladies, things in my life are not so great right now and I may have just ordered cheesy bread from Dominos and dipped it in a cup of that disgusting garlic sauce. I feel shame.

    Then again, at least my face doesn’t look like THAT.

    • stalker is the new fat says:

      Your only crime is ordering from Domino’s 😉

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      I’m just back on solid food after a month-long dental drama; I think cheesy breads may be in my immediate future.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      No shame in that game. I would order that shit constantly if it weren’t for my allergies. Yummy junk food is yummy.

      Also, crazy Jesus fanboy Tom wossname doesn’t even own Domino’s anymore, so you’re not supporting his anti-choice crusades and bait-and-switch “pregnancy crisis centers” by buying from there.

    • North Shore Bitch says:

      Aw friend, don’t stress, you’re not alone! I feel you – I very recently broke up with my very serious, long-distance boyfriend, and it sucks so hard. But hey, it could be worse – at least we’re not Julia!

  26. rankles the jankles says:

    Who else sees Julia’s first tweet of the day, checks the time, and thinks to themselves: “the beast has risen.”?

    • Bi-coastal Birthday Chicken (افغانی ) (AFGHANI) says:

      something like this.

      also when she’s tweeting at 4am when im waking up here (east coast) i imagine her in her authenticity costume…

    • FIEIRCE Mani (pedi) says:

      I can’t get over the whole car tweets … 3am! Who does that? First, take that shit offline, second no one is up at that hour in the US to even help you ….idiot.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        All her true friends are in Afghanistan.

        • FIEIRCE Mani (pedi) says:

          Lol….well played. Forgot abt that. 😀

        • mcakez says:

          It’s funny. I am sure she thinks that people consider her twitter feed like a ‘destination read’ – something people seek out every day to check up on their favorite adorable journalist, social media maven, unlucky-in-love, plucky and adventurous heroine.

          Really, the ONLY people who seek it out as a must-read are her haterz. Who just think, “Wonder what stupid and offensive shit the fame-whoring asshole has said lately?”

          That really has to sting.

  27. Donkeycam now! says:

    In the garden, growth has it seasons.

    First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter.

    And then we get spring and summer again.

  28. Sausage Snappers says:

    That gif is frickin amazing.

    • FIEIRCE Mani (pedi) says:

      I am genuinely curious. Is it drugs or Tourettes?

      • Peltergeist says:

        Could be either, but my guess is pure fakery. You have never seen someone instantly light up quite the way Miss Albertson does when a camera of any kind comes around. It’s a sight to behold.

    • Can-Swiss says:

      It’s so frighting yet hypnotic… Which really sums up Julia Allison. So hideous yet entertaining.

  29. ShesJustStupid says:

    Someone isn’t very happy….(also, lol on the “journalist” thing)

    JuliaAllison RT @EmilyGould – the moment when you stop thinking of a writer as a “talented oddball” & start thinking of him as a “sociopath.”
    16 minutes ago in reply to EmilyGould

    JuliaAllison @EmilyGould – Replace “writer” with “date” and that’s my life.
    18 minutes ago in reply to EmilyGould

    JuliaAllison Has anyone been to the School of Life in London? – is there anything like this is LA? Sounds brilliant!
    34 minutes ago

    JuliaAllison But maybe it’s not anyone’s place to tell someone “DON’T DO IT!” Maybe all we should say is, “Here’s what it’s really like: it’s your call!”
    36 minutes ago

    JuliaAllison @sarahfabulous – I WISH I lived in Mountain View!! I will trade lives with you. Also: um …can we talk about this SLK of yours!?! EMAIL ME!
    about 1 hour ago in reply to sarahfabulous

    JuliaAllison This jaded point of view: another sign I’m getting old.
    about 1 hour ago

    JuliaAllison Maybe that’s the wrong way to look at it, but I have a tough time encouraging young girls to embark upon the job instability I went through.
    about 1 hour ago

    JuliaAllison When I was a soph in college, I wanted to be an architect. I sat down w practicing architects & EVERY ONE told me DON’T DO IT! I listened.
    about 1 hour ago

    JuliaAllison I just received two emails from soon-to-be college graduates, asking how to get into journalism. All I want to do is tell them DON’T DO IT!

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      “Job instability????” Is that what she’s calling it? To burn every bridge? To get fired from every job? I guess it’s like calling cutting and pasting the PR sheet from a company into an article for TMS and calling it journalism.

      What a Donk!

      • fig says:

        And she was never a journalist, she has always been a salesperson. And when the product became only herself, she never managed to deliver.

        Every time she calls herself a journalist, even indirectly, i feel bad for actual journalists. Same goes for writers, woman in tech, feminists and college graduates.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      When does Toilet Julia get back? Frumpy, Botoxed Julia is clearly going insane on her own.

    • NonSobriety says:

      Right, I’m so sure that soon-to-be college grads that want to be journalists are emailing HER for advice. She just wants people to think this is happening. I have a feeling this is another case of Reader Becky.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      Also, what is her fixation on Mountain View? Yes, I know that Google is there, etc., but who would want to live there? SF, yes. I looked at the area earlier this year and it seemed so adobe mall boring.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        Rich “boys.”

        • bitfchface says:

          not even – MV is Indians and Asians mostly – very family centric and ethnic, which she would just bitch about the little family owned (ah-mazing) restaurants and shops there.

          But to live for me MountainView = my version of hell on earth. Boring, dull, not even the panache of OMG Palo Alto.

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          If she has money to buy an SLK Mercedes, she has money to relocated to her dream location of Mountain View. She has no job. She has no ties to LA.

          Go Donkey, go! If you’re such a Badass, such and adventurer (LOL) Go!

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Yeah, no. I have friends who live in Mountain View and it’s mostly families, mostly international families, people living in smallish but overpriced condos, walking the dog, going to the Trader Joe’s. It’s not A Scene at all.

    • A-Game Content says:

      Oh Donk. Shut the eff up about wanting to be an architect. You don’t just “decide” to be one as a sophomore in college; undergraduate architecture degrees are 5-year programs and very work intensive. And, to the best of my knowledge, the only places in D.C. that are NAAB-accredited are Howard University and Catholic University (I could be wrong).

      If you talked to an architect and they told you not to bother, then it’s more likely that they picked up on your lack of focus, creativity, and work ethic during their undoubtedly brief conversation with you.

      Although… I would have loved to see Miss Special Snowflake get ripped to shreds during a crit.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        “Math and physics classes? There must be some way around that, right? I’m sure you didn’t take them so tell me the secret!”

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        The idea of her being an architect — it is TO HOWL WITH LAUGHTER.

        The chick who said “math is hard!” Oh honey.

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          We’re talking about someone, currently so lazy, that instead of watching Tech Stars on TV for LOLresearch, she’s crowd sourcing for someone to spoon feed her their opinion of it.

          She is so fucking lazy.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            “Tell me what my favourite restaurants are.”

            I wonder if she asks room-mates/boyfriends to take a piss for her.

    • Peltergeist says:

      What she’s clearly missing is that the people who told her not to be an architect knew she couldn’t and wouldn’t do it. Way, WAY too much schooling and attention to detail for someone like her.

      “Journalism” was the easiest option for her, because her mom wrote some lame column in the school newspaper for her so she was already a “writer.” For some reason, nobody really checks these days when you say you’re a journalist (which makes me very sad). She didn’t even major in journalism.

      If she has ever, EVER written an obit or a fire story, put together a broadcast package, come up with an investigative story idea, or found several sources for any one article where she wasn’t allowed to use the first person, I will just die of shock.

      A journalist

      • CaptainGary says:

        I saw this and thought the exact same thing? Journalist, eh? What has she covered? Everything she writes is an opinion about a product that looks solely at said product or service’s utility to her? Try covering a City Council meeting and then get back to me about journalism, cupcake.

        • CaptainGary says:

          I have no idea why I ended each of those sentences with question marks. Sorry and fat, I suppose.

      • English Teacher says:

        thisity thisity thisity this

        this is where a lot of the backlash comes from

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          This is exactly how I feel. I mostly like to point and laugh and have a belly fully of LOLs… but this kind of delusion really makes me crazy.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I heartily agree. She is a journalist like I am a Victoria’s Secret underwear model.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Donkey: first of all, columnists are journalists in the same way that you are founder of a tech empire. Secondly, you’re not even a columnist and haven’t been one for months and months. Do you really think you have any valuable expertise or insight into the journalism world?

  30. bitfchface says:


    • bitfchface says:

      seriously girlfriend is losing it…. too bad she never loses it completely and is forced to get the help so she desperately needs

      PS what did Mercedes ever do to her???

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        Check out her FB page for some serious LOLs.

  31. CDB says:

    I am just wondering why JP has never given his opinion on the BB creams? Garnier versus Korean..

  32. pearipathetic donkey says:

    I think I missed something RE: the car purchase. Why does she want to buy a car? Doesn’t she have a long term rental with Midway? She wants to buy a Mercedes just because she is gonna be in LA for another year? Does she really think she will be able to grift a luxury car from some dealership? It is to laugh!

    • mcakez says:

      Why doesn’t she ‘buy’ (by which I mean inherit) the Volvo she never blogged about?

      She is such an asshole.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        That’s a spinster’s car Cakez! Julia needs a sick whip!

  33. Dr. Gary says:

    My Cankleshausen is flaring up something awful!



    • Dr. Gary says:

      Christine’s comment is the best:


    • Albie Quirky says:

      Let’s see what we know about her new target peen, whoever he is:

      He lives in Mountain View (or maybe Palo Alto and she is trying to be subtle);
      He does yoga or some other kind of Eastern spiritual practice;
      It icks him out when women get injectables, because he thinks it’s fake;
      He is living his dream and thinks other people are jealous of him;
      Maybe he’s an angel investor (would explain Donkerina’s interest in talking to people about being one herself with her imaginary inheritance from “I’m not dead yet! I feel peppy!” GMB);
      He’s a fan of sententious “deep thoughts” maxims (though that could just be A Donkey’s usual, she’s been on hyperdrive with them);
      He likes PandoDaily.

      Now she is trying to lure him into her clam dungeon with her “Look I am a free-spirited dancer!” routine. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

    • Prof. F Camping says:

      you have GOT to be kidding me. who is the new faux-ga dance-loving wallet target?

    • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

      Who the fuck dances in theirnliving room like that??

  34. Hooferine says:


  35. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    I cannot get over this (incredible) GIF. It exposes the essential egregious essence of A Donkey.

    I am horrified and delighted by equal measure.

Comments are closed.