The Hacker Games: Julia Albertson’s Endless Ordeal With “Hackers”

 

 

Poor Julia Allison. She is ALWAYS getting hacked! Hackers are constantly messing with her, ending her friendships and relationships on a regular basis. Let’s count how many times poor Julia Allison, a complete nobody, has been hacked.

There was the time previously private videos of her and Prom King, whose identity she had concealed until that moment, were suddenly made public, and a day after he dumped her! How odd! But of course, she would never do such a thing — her haters had clearly hacked into her Vimeo account and made those videos public!! That’s right, RBNS figured out her passwords and made those private videos public so that the world would know that some chick they’d never heard of had been banging some dude they’d never heard of.

The hackers came out in full force when she and her Daddy decided to shut RBNS down. In fact, a legion of “unhinged hacker fans” must have been behind the harassment of an innocent Chicago woman at her place of employment for the crime of having “liked” the Free RBNS Facebook page under her real name.

And of course, when it wasn’t outright hackers, it was simply a friend trying to do the right thing by a donkey and was therefore criminally harassing and threatening people at their places of employment. It wasn’t hackers after all, she later confessed, because the same friend made the Prom King videos public and also made sure we were leaked the names of both Code Names PK and TK in the comments of RBNS. Even though the geo-location of one of those comments was the very same attached to Donkey’s freakouts on her Wikipedia page. Interesting.

And then came the time when the hackers left Julia alone, and instead hacked her boyfriend!!! That’s right, they hacked the son of a powerful, high-profile U.S. senator so they could send Donkey all sorts of information about Pancakes McCain’s flirtations with other women. The hackers, you see, were just looking out for Julia and thought she had a right to know.

And now the hackers are back! They clearly hacked into her email account again and got word to Gawker that the annual BiCoastal Birthcray Bash with OMG OMG Randi OMG OMG was no more, and she was uninvited. Either that, or, again, it was a well-meaning, eavesdropping friend just wanting to defend her honor. Because being denied your Pretty Pink Twinsie Princess Birthday Party is such a travesty of justice when you’re 31, and someone needed to avenge her!

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321 Responses to The Hacker Games: Julia Albertson’s Endless Ordeal With “Hackers”

  1. Tom Brady says:

    Mods, assuming there may be an influx of new readers here due to (Google keyword) Miss Advised, I believe the background wallpaper showing young Julia is far too flattering.

    If someone has the time and inclination, I think an updated wallpaper featuring gems like this screencap would be a more appropriate and jolly introduction to the site.

    • Tom Brady says:

      p.s. At least I get to be first somewhere in 2012.

    • Hey, don’t look a gift cat in the cheetoh-breath mouf; we’re blessed to have the wallpaper we have, considering the time & talent that obviously went into it (thank you, cuntbunnies!)!

      Nah, the flattering fauxtos (I’ll just have to take your word on that!) in the excellent / current wallpaper will serve to show new readers that someone (not Dr. Bobby! except when it was Dr. Bobby!) injected a steaming pile of donkey manure into a donkey’s ginormous muzzle.

      Ima crowd-source instead of looking it up myself (Stupid Donkey Trick #721, yo!) — don’t great screamgrabs & fauxto-shoppes reside in the GALLERY?

      • Optional JFA’g Feature activated:

        BTW, Jacy — EXCELLENT POST!

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

          Wow! Can you write HTML, the skill that defines the true Internet elite? I believe the open tag is and the close tag is . Warning: the close tag doesn’t always work.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            Ha, the site actually tried to parse those. I should have known. The open tag is (pointy bra) deployJFA (pointy ket) and the close is (pointy bra) /deployJFA (pointy ket). I reiterate that the close command is buggy.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            $ Stop JFAing!

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.

          • HI!! How are you? WHERE are you? I’m so jelly d of you right now, cuz my state doesn’t allow liquor stores to sell on Sunday! ::sad face::

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            No, this just is how I am normally. I think I get more normal when I’m tipsy, but obviously I can’t be sure. Your state’s restriction are sad though.

            [JFA mode remains active]

          • Snoozeback says:

            This JFA mode crap is getting annoying.

          • Sorry, Snoozeback, not to meet your high standards of entertainment demands!

            ::sad face:: ::sad face::

            I don’t recall seeing you comment here before (under ‘Snoozeback’, anyway) so perhaps you’re unaware that it’s a long-running meme on RBD?

            Doesn’t matter! What else can we do to accommodate your visit today? WE AIM TO PLEASE!

          • so sorry, so fat says:

            this thread is harder to follow than a CDAN blind item about old hollywood. hope the cheeto dust has settled peacefully.

        • Snoozeback says:

          I’ve been commenting here a really, really, really long time (before it was even RBNS). Honey, way before you were ever on this scene. And I am sad to see this place in its current state. JFA is a friend of mine and I think it’s annoying to constantly rag on her, passive aggressively, via some dumb meme.

          Why am I not using my usual handle? Because, Brayella, you’ve proven yourself to be an obsessive RBD commenter who cannot take opposing opinions. You and the others, who consider yourself the historians of the site, are cringe-worthy because the obsessiveness feeds into every bad stereotype this blog and its commenters defend against.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            If JFA has indicated she dislikes it, I, for one, won’t mention it anymore. If you didn’t notice, I defended her when your ilk were calling her a self-loathing misanthrope for no good reason. Does it get more passive aggressive than launching ad hominem character assassination of a loyal commenter who was just having a not-entirely-strong joke? I’m not aware of any history Brayella might have, so my whole comment might be off base, but your attack seems overly judgmental and inappropriate.

            My comment comes from a place of hating seeing catladies attack each other for crimes that aren’t exactly Beauchampian. Unless Brayella has shown herself to have some Donkey mixed into her purrsonality, why not just tell her off politely and directly, using your real commenter name, rather than making a whole production out of it, complete with uncharitable character judgments and an anonym to protect your anonym. In any case, I’ll lay Cantillon to Coors that I know your primary commenter name.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            “Beauchampian.” Hilarious. So is the dude dead or alive, do we know?

          • JFA is a friend of mine and I think it’s annoying to constantly rag on her, passive aggressively, via some dumb meme.

            First off, I have no problem w/ “JFA” ~slash~ “11th Wang” … your contention that I (& others) are passive-aggressively ragging on her is based on what, exactly?

            Second, I do remember her comment a couple of months ago (I’m patenting this move. Anyone who uses it pays me in shoes.), but if & when she’s indicated since then that it offends & annoys her, I missed that, as did many others, apparently.

            I’m not sure that meme is going to die just because you think it’s annoying, so maybe JFA ~slash~ 11th Wang could / should take this opportunity to step up & let everyone know how she feels about it? I don’t know about others, but I’d sure accommodate her if she makes it know that it annoys her.

          • Drink Less says:

            Jesus Christ Brayella slash IASID slash Crazed Cupcake, do you ever stop? You’re like a rabid dog. Why don’t we call this Reblogging Brayella seeing as every second comment must be yours mostly attacking someone.

            Fucking shut up, you’re giving people a headache.

          • featherbrained says:

            Wait is JFA 11 wang? Is brayella all those names? My head is spinning. I agree with the commenter above. slash / slash/ slash/ slash

          • birthday chicken says:

            @Featherbrained – I think those might all be his/her usernames, yes. There are a few people here with multiple usernames.

          • JFA says:

            I’m not 11th Wang. I only comment under this name.

            I really appreciate whomever this commenter is having my back if he/she thought I was being maligned. I can sincerely say I like almost everyone here, even those I have scuffled with. Brayella often responds to my comments and I thought she and I were okay with each other. Anyway…overall the JFA meme thing – I mean if it’s said with affection it’s fine…but sometimes I feel like people say it in a negative way (“Sorry to JFA here…”) like its the worst thing in the world to respond to oneself in a comment.

            Anyway…wanted to clear that up! The infighting is making me sad today. I have a buncha drama IRL lately that is really tough to deal with and I like coming here to escape!

          • featherbrained says:

            I’m down with multi usernames. The slash / stuff was confusing me!
            Formally TOTAL JING —
            -Featherbrained

          • It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

            @Featherbrained

            That’s never been a secret. I felt like changing my RBD username when Donkey threatened to get her sass back, but this one I wanted to preserve for GOMI, where [Jordacted] still occasionally gets roasted.

            Whew! Had no idea I am under the skin of so many people here. Apologies!

          • featherbrained says:

            Under who’s skin, Donkadelphia? I hope you don’t mean mine. I always appreciate your presence.

          • It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

            @JFA:

            *I* thought we were fine w/ each other too, & I thought I made that pretty clear in this morning’s response up there.

            RE: 11th Wang … maybe you’ve been hacked? :-) There are posts under that name w/ the very same icon, & that’s why I thought it was you, but I guess maybe there are only so many icons to go around? I only brought up the other name because those posts are also ones I enjoy & comment back to.

            Hell, there are several multi-name users here, I kinda thought that was some of the fun (like when GOD gets resurrected, or the Sheriff, or Preacher Jim, etc.)

            Anyway, good for whomever has your back, I guess, but what a shit-starting way to go about it.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            @featherbrain — Drink Less, Snoozewhatever, … quite a few, it seems. But no, I didn’t take wrong what you said, I know we’re good.

            @Birthday Chicken — I’m a she & my 3rd one is “Big Head Fraud & the Blondsters”, but I retired that one when Cindy McCain exterminated Julia Allison Baugher from the Coronado home that she squatted in. I don’t strawman myself, no.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            Jacy: according to his classy, poetic blog, “Cretin Country”, that particular ambulance case of Dunning-Kruger is still alive and closely following RBD.

          • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

            re: the 11th Wang/JFA connection. Icons are tied to the e-mail address. If they both are using the same made-up e-mail address (dumbdonkey@hotmail for example) they would wind up with the same icon by accident.

          • birthday chicken says:

            I didn’t think you were arguing with yourself, because I’ve read where you referenced your other username, and I know other people do it too. I used to comment under another one last year, but I can’t remember it now.

            For my part, I only felt bad for RRR because s/he made a comment, you and others disagreed, then s/he made a comment somewhere else, and it was also picked on (in a passive aggressive way) and I don’t really see the point in it. All I can see is Julia braying while you all turn on each other. That’s my 2 cents. I’ve lurked way more than I’ve commented, because I left sites like Gawker for stuff like this, people deconstructing arguments and being unable to let a difference of opinion go. That’s not how I roll here or in real life. Everyone’s mileage may vary, but that’s my experience. I’m not an asshole behind the avatar, and my bitchiness or comments I’ve made here is really no different than what I’d say to JA’s face, if I had the inclination to do so. As it is, I’m here to laugh at the ridiculousness, but I get turned off by the in-fighting, and have been considering just going back to lurking and/or just flouncing/leaving. Julia would never stop coming at people if they started with her, but I’ve seen some commenters get very flustered at several people coming at them, and obviously it’s not just you whom I’ve witnessed, but others, as well. Anyway, that’s my TL;DR observation.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            Apparently, autocorrect adjudged “ambulant” a non-word.

          • birthday chicken says:

            One more thing – I’ve always had a crisis of conscience for commenting here. I know a lot of people have rationalized their being here, but I have not reached that point at all. Even though she puts herself out there and has done shit I’d never dream of, I don’t think I’m any better than her or anyone for that matter, because although I don’t go around trying to screw people over, I don’t live my life perfectly either. No amount of people telling me, oh she did this to this person, will make me change my mind about how I feel about this.

            However, when I see the fighting that goes on here between people who are allies, I think, well you really have lost your way, BC, so my conflict is deepened. Anyhow, I wish you all luck. I may continue to lurk, but with this conscience of mine, I might not feel it’s worth it to comment. I just don’t feel right in my mind saying anything about anyone, if I don’t have everything right in my heart.

          • Snoozeback says:

            Re: Birthday Chicken’s use of “TL;DR”:

            I’ve been commenting here a really, really, really long time (before it was even RBD). Honey, way before you were ever on this scene. And I am sad to see this place in its current state. TL;DR is a friend of mine and I think it’s annoying to constantly rag on him, passive aggressively, via some dumb meme.

            Why am I not using my usual handle? Because I’m a drama queen douchecanoe, but want to escape earning a reputation as such on this site.

          • Snoozeback says:

            Translation: don’t lose site of the petty, cowardly dramacat who instigated this mess: Snoozeback. I’m totally with you above who say they hate it whenever intra-RBD, inter-catlady shit goes down. Instigators of that shit like Snoozeback are the only non-Beauchampians I’ve ever found worthy of attacking here.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            Oops, meant to post that with the right name.

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            and look at you, TL;DR, perpetuating the drama.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            And you were my bet for the identity of Snoozeback, Stalker. I thought my TL;DR joke just now was particularly appropriate because you actually attacked me once as “unspeakably condescending” or some shit like that for using that phrase.

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            People think I do a lot of shit. I’m flattered that you think I’m such an old-timer.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            There wasn’t a denial in there, Stalker.

          • featherbrained says:

            TL;DR

            I won’t let Pilot take the blame for my actions. I’m the drama queen douchebag.

            I apologize for starting this whole thread and insanity. I stand by most of what I said but I should have said it using my own name.

            /// Featherbrained

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            nobody but you gives a shit, TL.

          • featherbrained says:

            For the record, because it must be confusing, I didn’t know that Donkadelphia is Brayella.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            My bad. Sincere apologies, Stalker. Let me know where to send the Cantillon at your leisure. I’ll shut up now.

          • featherbrained says:

            Stalker not pilot.

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            People who are paranoid and hateful spray wildly at any target that catches their eyes.

          • 11th Wang says:

            Whoa. I had no idea anyone even knew I existed. I have only commented under one name, this one.

            I noticed the same unfunny-face appears for both JFA and my comments. I chalked it up to coincidence. Another coincidence: Apparently JFA and I now live in the city, which probably makes things more confusing for Jacy & co. (especially with regards to all da hackerz).

            I used to live in LA, where I have ties to many of our donkey’s less-douchey friends (& ex-friends).

          • 11th Wang says:

            OH!!! I think I have solved the mystery.

            JFA & I must both use “no@no.com” as our email. I never use my actual email when I comment here.

          • JFA says:

            Featherbrained, I just have to go on record as saying I have undying love for you. We are friends off site and…you are the LAST person to start drama here, ever, and anyone who pays any attention to you will know this. So…I know your heart was in the right place and I just wanted to say that I don’t want anyone to attack you because you are truly the last person who deserves it. And I had no idea it was you before you commented for anyone who thinks we are in grade school collaborating to “have each others back” or whatever.

            Jesus I seriously don’t have a problem with anyone. If I ever did, I am completely the fuck over it…I’ve seen shit go down here the past two days and I’ve stayed teh fuck out of it even though numerous times I thought there was fucked up shit being said against people I like on here.

            Also anyone who bad mouths stalker is insane. Bad mouthing me, I fucking get it…I have gone apeshit on here before, but I’m sincerely trying not to because the personal attacks became too much and I’m over it. But ugh…it’s just all devolving into a goddamn mess around here.

          • JFA says:

            I know tl;dr. But it’s turning into the kind of place that many people don’t even want to visit anymore because of the sniping between and among commenters. We all need a fucking drink.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        “don’t look a gift cat in the cheetoh-breath mouf”

        Brilliant and poetic <3

        If your friends of the opposite gender all get emails saying that you never want to see them again, it was hackers, okay?

    • Joardache & the Pelts says:

      New readers can figure it all out for themselves. It’s not hard – like maths is – and part of the fun. A Donkey needs no introduction. The banner is lovely.

  2. This one is a no-boner says:

    I need to comment ASAP. Be warned, this comment has nothing to do with this post. I haven’t even read it yet! I’ve just caught up on the last post (loved it, brilliant, btw!). OK, the argument between Brayella and RRR et al was quite boring to read. HERE IS THE DAMN BOTTOM LINE: THE HUSBAND WINS ALWAYS. HUSBAND, NOT GRIFER SOME-TIME GIRLFRIEND. HE HAD PLANS FOR HIS WIFE, OVER DONE CAPUT. SEE YA LATER FRIEND. There is no match btwn husband vs. world. Damn!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel better… ok, back to this post… The hackers are haters!

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      Amen to this. The Julias of the world are relentless bullies. The former Julia In My Life took over both the wedding and the reception of a mutual friend and ten years later that’s what we all remember about the event. The JIML’s behavior was so unexpected and shameless no one had the wherewithal to stop her. I would hope my husband would be willing to step in and say no, finally.

    • Helena (Betrays Signs Of Bitterness) says:

      I agree with you (I never quite got over the fact that Donkey repeatedly hacked someone /rich/ else’s birthday in the first place, because WTF??), but at the same time I don’t give a fuck and I has the sadz that the conversation resulted in such a rift between some of my all-time favorite commenters.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        All drama, all the time, and he/she got called out. That’s all. It’s not really that surprising to me that he/she occasionally feels bad for another drama queen.

        Smart, funny commenter, but oy with the drama.

        • yawnsers says:

          I disagree about smart/funny, but otherwise, this. (Sorry, had to qualify my “like” as I don’t find that tiresome barnacle to have any positive traits except for a tendency to clear off for periods of time.)

  3. bitchface says:

    this post is funniest, but seeing it all laid out like that is just SO SAD (insert sad melty chocolate stuffed face here).

    She just lives in some alternative universe than the rest of us. What other explanation is there? Well, sociopath…..

  4. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    Great post, Jacy. Her hacking claims are clear evidence she is starkers.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      Ditto on the awesome post!!! Also – never heard of starkers! Is that “stalker” and “bonkers” together? AMAZEBALLS!!!!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Hey. FYI. She cleaned up her Vimeo account. There are only 16 videos on there.

    • “The Dingo Hackers ate my Vimeo baby!”

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      She made them all private about a month ago, after we relentlessly ridiculed the “Birthday Chicken” videos. I guess someone was a little sensitive.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        OT Jacy, first you two have been on fire with your coverage!

        Can I suggest a post where we predict that Julia is trying to use us on a story line to gain sympathy on Miss Advised? That way if it does happen – we’ll have predicted it and take some of the LOL “power” away from her?

        Just a thought.

        Miss Advised #ad

        • KashMoney says:

          i bet you it will never happen, Bravo would hate to drive traffic to a site they have no control over. producers need to be able to control their content

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            You’re right, I don’t think RBD will be named but I do think Bravo will do this as a story line and let her play victim.

            They did it with Bethenny and they did it with Rachel Zoe and since she wants to engage us (per her Yoo Hoo on Twitter) so I think it will be done here.

          • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

            I honestly don’t think there will be enough time in the fifteen minutes allotted to her for her eight episodes for them to make a real storyline out of this place.

            They’ve got enough stupid crap to fabricate without focusing on something as ‘dry’ as a hater site. And yes, I realize that we are the most interesting thing about her, and the closest thing she has to a ‘fanbase’ of any kind. The show has to spend time pretending she has any kind of job, friends, interests or dates in order to be remotely relevant to the topic. No time to bother with the haters.

          • AFGHANI ("The Lama always knows wussup") says:

            RHoNY spent nearly a full season on “bullying”. Jill Zaren, the biggest bully of all, spent the season calling everyone else bullies (even that weird ass guy Simon who always tags along with the women). And Jill’s daughter spoke at some event about bullying.

            I could see Bravo allowing Julia the opportunity to speak to some school kids about bullying or somesuch… and use it as a way to obliquely refer to Julia’s hate sight/cite/site (oh hai, MMBH) and how she’s learned that “bullying is evil” blah blah blah.

            RHNJ and OC have had brushes with “bullying” as well… of course, the “bullying” is always just someone being faced with the truth and wanting to deflect attention (good example: Teresa Giudice’s bankruptcy).

          • Maria says:

            They may reference the blog but won’t name it. Jill Zarin’s “cyberbully” ran a “hate” blog against her and they talked about it but never gave the name. It was easy to figure out the URL, however.

          • featherbrained says:

            I am guessing it will be no part of the story line, unless Julia complains about it every now and then. For some reason, I think it’s a bit self important on our behalf to believe RBNS will be part of any story line. Further, I bet some new readers will come but it’s an edited reality show—and she’s completely uninteresting on TV (or at least I think so)…I’m doubting a MASSIVE influx of newbies.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I don’t think it will happen either, or if it does, it won’t be specific. There is no way she wants to be explaining on camera why we call her a donkey. She’s too vain to get into it.

          • cakez says:

            Featherbrained, I wish I could like fifteen times. It seems very a) paranoid, b) vain to sit around chomping eagerly at the idea that this site will play any roll at all in the show, much less that producers care enough to come in and fuck with us.

            Y’all are welcome to call me out later if it comes about RBD has some heavily edited storyline once the show airs. In the meantime, it’s comes across like we are a bunch of whackos salivating at the idea of our ‘brush wit reality show fame’.

            It just makes me squirmed out.

          • AFGHANI says:

            I don’t think a single person things RBD will be part of the show. Going even further, I’m pretty sure that no Bravolebrity has mentioned the name of the cites/sites/sights (hai, MMBH) that “bullied” them. That’s not even the fucking piont. No, the site won’t be mentioned.

            Bravolebrities love to talk about “being bullied” and Julia will at some point mention that she feels “judged” or “bullied” for being such a misunderstood business laydee. And how she’s so unique and brave for being “different”. This doesn’t require an RBD mention at all, it only requires Julia to seek sympathy for bullying. Big theme on these Bravo shows, so good chance that’s a storyline at some point.

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            To clarify, not “paranoid or vain.” Protective of this community and not wanting to be used by Julia to paint her as a victim and us as bullies? Very much so.

            That said, I always trust the mods.

          • cakez says:

            Malformed – you know I loves ya, baby. I wasn’t trying to attack you, I just hope the show is wackadoo enough with Julia Allison doing her usual crap, and hope she/Bravo are not nutty enough to jump in here. I am possibly – against my own recent advice – giving her too much credit.

            I just hope this place doesn’t get overrun, and I hate the paranoia she manages to instill in us. (Even though much of it turns out to be true!)

            If she does, like I said, I will take the ‘told you so’s while shaking my head that her crazy once again out-did my expectations.

          • Mini Driver says:

            Years and years and years ago, Sandra Bullock was in a movie called “The Net.” One review said that it would be really hard to make a compelling movie about the internet (at the time, kind of a novelty) because watching people type and look at screens is inherently uninteresting.

            RHONY may have talked about “bullying,” but the bullying was happening between cast members. Bravo is not going to film Julia scrolling through a website; it’s not good TV. However, watching her weep to a friend about her bullies is potentially good TV. So here’s how it’s going to go down.

            Julia will show up briefly on RBNS, with the intention of getting the single shot that Bravo needs for this B-plot: a comment with her username/icon, and a reply underneath it that says something mean. This exchange will be brief enough to be read in a couple of seconds.

            The mean thing will be about her appearance, because having someone tell you you’re ugly is a pain immediately graspable by viewers. All of the egotistical stunts she’s pulled require far too much exposition to make it to air on a reality show. No Bravo viewer is going to sit still while some story about the Washington Post and an eight-dollar grapefruit drones on.

            What I’m envisioning is a setup where JAB talks to a “friend,” possibly Price, about her hate site. Price suggests she try dealing with them head-on. Cut to JAB leaving a “genuinely curious” comment about why she’s so hated. After a jump cut, or later in the episode, we see her reading a reply telling her she looks like an overinflated blow-up doll left in a hot car. She tells Price about it and the two commiserate.

            But neither RBD nor any of us is going to get called out by name. We’re a barrel of laughs, but we just don’t translate into the insipid medium of TV. We’d make a better book.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            You may be onto something.

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            You rang?

          • AFF says:

            Mini, that’s basically what I was thinking. Bravo would love it if people here insult her appearance or focus on something like her being single. Of course, that’s bullshit and misses the point entirely. But it gives some (weak) basis for Julia to complain about “haters” and “sexism” or “women are mean to other women” yada yada. Who knows if they’ll really try to build something around it, but RHNY had Jill Zaren attend some anti-bullying fundraiser where her daughter spoke. It’s all just so fake…

            And I’m sure Julia will have some lackey post a comment about her appearance if everyone here ignores her. If this happens, it will just be one more sad spectacle.

          • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

            We’d make a better book.

            This is Why You’re Fat an Overinflated Blow-up Doll Left in a Hot Car: the Julia Allison Story

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        Ha! Must have got her wear it really hurts…no Bi-Coastal Birthday Bash.

      • AFGHANI ("The Lama always knows wussup") says:

        “I guess someone was a little sensitive”

        Probably Megan Marks’ landlord, on account of the cheap windows and subpar caulking.

  6. Donkeycam Now! says:

    The only hacking she should be worried about is what Dr Bukakke did to her face.

  7. This one is a no-boner says:

    I’ll never forget the time a couple of hackers pricked holes in my brother’s condoms and my psycho bitch now-sister-in-law became pregnant, just before he was about to give her the kiss-off. Poor Julia seems to have the same terrible hacker luck!

  8. OMGPearskank says:

    WikiLeaks truly pales in comparison to JulieLeaks

  9. Gawked says:

    What if you had dirt on Gawker staff and posted it? Wonder if they’d sue over privacy and libel.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Why would we care about dirt on Gawker staff? Are they out there begging for followers and fans? Have they been begging for a reality show for years, and are now about to appear on one? And how do you sue “over privacy and libel?”

      • Scooby Don't says:

        And it’s also important to remember that Donkey was more than happy to collect a nice salary for appearing on TV critiquing celebrities and pseudo celebrities until she was let go … oops sorry her contract wasn’t renewed. And I’m sure, if it wasn’t for her own incompetence, she’d still be happily working for STAR, collecting that inflated salary, appearing on TV, famewhoring at as many events as she could and hoovering up all the swag she could get her trotters on.
        Blew that golden opportunity didn’t you, burro?

      • Jacy, I wonder is if that isn’t a miffed donkey you’re responding to? Mightily miffed at Gawker because they didn’t link to her BRAVO! show, Miss Advised, even though they benefited scoop-wise when she was the helpless victim of a senseless hacking crime …

        s’mattuh, Donkey?! Lasagna no longer do yo dirty wuck?
        Cain’t get no taskrabbit or indentured intern to work on Easter?

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          Could be, though a Donkey’s sleeping pattern usually has her sleeping until 2pm… though the hostility meter reads just like a Donkey.

          Hmmmm….

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Oh believe me, I smelled the scheme juices and heard the hissing man-hungry weasels from here. If that’s her latest strategy — to try to avenge herself by fucking over whatever Gawker writer fucked her over and to use RBD to do so — it is to laugh. Good luck with that, bunny.

    • Delurked says:

      hi julia.

      • Gawked says:

        Me, a Donkey??? Not at all.

        Once Gawker posted a photo of a friend of mine who has a pretty peculiar haircut… The proceeding commenters tore him to pieces…

        Only the guy is one of the most private people I know, who laughed at the whole thing.

        Gawker, in its day, has pretty much done what the Donkey has done to her “friends”, only to regular citizens. That’s the point.

        Where do we draw the line between a public persona and a private citizen? I guess it’s my friends fault for going out to a bar one night and having his photo taken?

        Our society is at a pivotal decision-making moment in its history over things like this – First Amendment rights allow us to Reblog Donk, agreed… but they don’t let us slam private citizens who do not seek the spotlight. Yes, you can sue for defamation of character.

          • Delurked says:

            oh wow, i am not familiar with this “defamation” you speak of, so this is super helpful, thanks!!

        • Then why doesn’t your friend LOLyer up & sue Gawker if YOU feel that strongly about it? Oh wait, your friend really doesn’t even care about it? And why the How Fuck would we care about someone else’s battle that YOU are trying to fight??!?

          #DumbDonkeyIsDUMB!

          • Gawked says:

            I was trying to instigate an intellectual conversation about the internet and privacy rights. I suppose I’m a complete idiot trying to do that in this forum… However, you might be interested in following this:

            This morning while listening to WNYC, on “On the Media”, they discussed a case wherein A FIRST AMMENDMENT ATTORNEY sued someone over extortion…

            PRETTY CURRENT, TOPICAL ISSUES, HUH? A lawyer whose job it is to defend the First Ammendment sued and won a $2.5 million settlement from someone who was trying to EXTORT HIM.

            http://www.onthemedia.org/2012/apr/06/combating-bad-speech-more-speech/

            Imagine, Reblogging Donk tells the Donkey they can make it all go away if she hires them as their PR people.

            We’re living in interesting times, that’s all I’m saying.

          • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

            What in the holy fuck are you on about?

          • The Manta says:

            “Imagine, Reblogging Donk tells the Donkey they can make it all go away if she hires them as their PR people.”

            The only reply donkey ever get when emailing the mods is a giant middle finger.

            So no.

          • Bowlcut Barry says:

            “We live in interesting times…”

            I wouldn’t characterize a pointless discussion about First Amendment rights with a troll on an internet snark site as interesting.

            Now let’s get back to our regularly scheduled programming.

          • Google Keyword Miss Advised Is Spartacus says:

            Oh, yes, please, I would love someone to file a lawsuit about how a website made fun of their haircut. I would probably expire on the spot from an exploded gut, which I had burst laughing.

          • Yo, GAWKED!
            Go google: ‘Rhetorical Question’, eh?

            (& then have a seat paddock)

          • LickedRandisCake says:

            Now, THIS is what I love about this site. Someone comes in and asks a question and tell an oh so sad story about an unfortunately coiffed friend and his exposure to the national limelight, and one of us renames ourselves Bowlcut Barry in order to respond. That’s the shit that makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.

            BTW…if it taught your friend a lesson in the hair arts, then I’d say he should maybe be thanking Gawker because he’s probably, finally getting laid on a regular basis now.

            Would that Ben Flajnik of The Bachelor would listen to the same criticism. Though, for some crazy reason (having money and some measure of fame, I guess) that dude is still getting laid – even with that ridiculous hair he’s sporting.

        • 11th Wang says:

          You say your friend is “one of the most private people [you] know.”

          So I assume that means he hasn’t been plastering himself all over the internet, using people for attention and money, starting rumors about himself and his friends, grifting his way through life (freeloading, honey), refusing to work hard or engage with reality, lying about his credentials and relationships, and all the while, he was never saying “Look at me! look at me! look at me!”? No?

          In other words, he wasn’t begging for the attention?

          Then I guess we aren’t talking about the same thing.

        • Bowlcut Barry says:

          Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me. That’s because my self-esteem is not tied to the opinions of strangers on the internet.

          Also, I don’t waste my time looking for, or reading, negative comments about myself. But if that is what floats your boat, knock yourself out.

          No, seriously, knock yourself out.

          P.S. Donkey

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          That had to have been on Blue States Lose, yes?

        • Truth Squad says:

          i gave up counting the usage and grammar errors in your incoherent ramblings after the fifth one

  10. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    Great post, Jacy (especially if you sourced all those links and typed it from your phone). She is truly bonkers.

    What gets me is that she will even reveal information that shows how pathetic she is – being kicked off Randi’s coattails FINALLY, because her inclusion was neither wanted or needed – as long as it gets her attention. Her narcissistic supply must be down with Toilet Julia out of town and no other friends to speak of.

  11. Scooby Don't says:

    Julia knows from hacking, she’s a hack writer after all.

    • Occupy Donkeytown says:

      Don’t hate on the hack writers. I think we’ve got more than a few here, and Julia Allison of “Miss Advised” on Bravo doesn’t have the talent or work ethic to be counted among our numbers.

  12. A Donkey is a Ass says:

    I’m a longtime lurker, finally couldn’t stand it anymore. The whole, “hackers are out to get me” excuse has always been one of the strangest things A Donkey does. She’s got to think some people actually believe her. Otherwise she wouldn’t go to that well so often. BUT IT’S SO FUCKING OBVIOUS. A Donkey, nobody buys your bullshit. You’re a sociopath. Please don’t ever comeback to Chicago. You soil my beloved city when you bray here. Fuck you.

    Also thought I would give my insignificant opinion on her threat to join the conversation here. I wouldn’t ban her, or engage her in her lies. Personally, I’m going to simply respond in non-sequiturs.

    • Supermassive black holes says:

      It’s because she doesn’t have a clue what “hacking” means.

      Donkey, it doesn’t take software or hardware modifications to access somebody’s email or vimeo account. You just need to find out their password. Also, any self-respecting hacker would change the password so you couldn’t get back in.

      Idiot.

      • 11th Wang says:

        She should come down to Baltimore, I can drop her off on Greenmount—lots of hacking going on over there.

        • A Donkey is a Ass says:

          “Baltimore? Ick. There’s too black people there.”

          A Donkey is a fucking fuck. She would never go to Baltimore. It scares A Donkey.

          • A Donkey is a Ass says:

            *many*

          • to / two / too is __ many for Donkey!
            (MATH IS HARD!)

            (Hai, MMBH! — math is hard for you 2, I bet)

          • A Donkey is a Ass says:

            “to / two / too is __ many for Donkey!
            (MATH IS HARD!) ”

            Huh? Is that directed at me? I reread what I wrote and I’m pretty certain I was correct. I hate when people use the wrong form.

            I might also be confused because I had to/two/too much Easter-wine. So/sow/sew forgive my paranoia.

          • LOL — directed at you (to whom I was replying to / too / two), yes, but wrongly interpreted by you / yew / ewe …

            TOO MANY MEMES = premature interjection?

          • A Donkey is a Ass says:

            Ha! I guess you were poking fun at A Donkey and I’m on board/bored with that. Basement-dwelling cat ladies are too/two/to clever for my drunken mind. Good thing A Donkey doesn’t drink, otherwise she wouldn’t have an excuse for how fucking stupid she acts.

            I’m done. We’re all pathetic…blah cats blah haters blah. Fuck you A Donkey.

          • LickedRandisCake says:

            Excuse you. As long as they are serving hot corn in tin foil, she’s perfectly down with black folk.

    • cakez says:

      Supposedly Jack gave her the benefit of the doubt when she claimed her fans hacked her and sent out the threatening e-mails. It was when she pulled the ‘a hacker told me you’ve said this and this and this over e-mail’ that he realized he had been had.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Really?

        He knew she was in his email because she started asking suspicious questions about various chicks out of nowhere. Then she said his email had been hacked and someone has tipped her off to the contents, that’s why she was asking. Not sure if she claimed the hackers had responded to the chicks but I guess that would have been her only explanation. He gave her no benefit of the doubt, however, from what we heard — he knew immediately what she’d done and that was it, in his mind, and he dumped her soon after.

        • helobabe says:

          You’re both wrong. He moved to Guam. That was all! AND the door was left OPEN!

          • Sake Bombardier Advised Miss Julia Allison to Lay Off the Google Alerts says:

            I hope it wasn’t his front door, at least if he has any tiaras.

        • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

          Jacy — I wasn’t being clear. I meant (to my understanding) when she first started dating and she did the C&D/Jack McCain’s lolyer/”Oh me, oh me, I’ve been hacked AGAIN!” thing. He wanted to support her ‘quest to wipe out online bullying’ and gave her to benefit of the doubt that she had some crazed fans who just wanted to destroy her.

          When she pulled out the hacker excuse on him, it rang a bell that she had pulled that defense before. He wanted to ‘give her the benefit of the doubt’ re: cyber bullying, not her obvious invasion of his privacy.

          I hope I am making more sense this time around. Of course, it could just be that the damn Donkey cries Wolf/Hacked so much it gets confusing! It is one of those things you know is crazy, but seeing it laid out like in this post shows how completely ludicrous it is.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Oh yeah, you’re right, got it. He just wasn’t paying attention to much of the lunacy in the beginning, but yes, when she did it to him, he understood the full extent of the madness and how dishonest she was.

  13. mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

    Loren’s love affair with Julia was short-lived, as he is back to shit talking her again.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      Ha! Really?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Yeah, really? Where is that?

    • Donksers says:

      Loren’s badmouthing Donkey? Last I read, he called her on the phone and begged for her forgiveness. Poor flip-flopping Loren has always had a hard time trying to decide how he feels about Julesie.

      • Since she can’t get a boyfriend anyway …
        They should just have hate-sex & call it a bray.

        • Donksers says:

          As I recall, Afghani wanted to get in on some of that Donkey hate sex.

          • AFGHANI says:

            Yes, in 2006 or 2007 I would’ve, for sure.

          • Donksers says:

            Haha, I just remember what a shitstorm it caused in here when you said that.

          • AFGHANI says:

            I think the shitstorm was because I said something further, like hatefucks are usually pretty good and, back then she actually looked good and was at the height of her fameballing, so it would be an exceptional hatefuck.

          • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

            Don’t think it would be that exceptional, since in Julia’s case, you can read “hatefuck” two ways: she might hate you, and she definitely hates to fuck.

    • I went looking for what you were talking about & found this:

      ©SoMe – Tales From A Social Media Expert
      A Documentary project in New York, NY by Loren Feldman

      The year is 2038. “SoMe” is the story of Social Media as told through the experiences of Loren Feldman. It will feature interviews with luminaries, and stories about both Loren and the many people he has met over the course of his career on the web. It will tell the story of the people and culture that drives the Internet and social media. The good, the bad, the ugly. The underlying narrative to all of it is how these “new technologies” are affecting us. Who we are, how we relate to other people, and who people really are offline as opposed to online. Identity, transparency, persona, these are just a few of the concepts that will be explored.

      (Among the donkeys who will probably be discussed list is a camera-ho donkey but I don’t see Dad$er’$ name among the backers …)

      • [JFA Mode activated]
        One more thing:

        81 BACKERS
        $6,808 PLEDGED OF $50,000 GOAL
        3 DAYS TO GO

        Myself, I’m halfway tempted to contribute …

        • diluted brain says:

          Can you explain quick what the JFA thing is about? I may have missed something?

          • Oh, often JFA points out that she’s responding to herself, which is both endearing & amusing at once, so others sometimes say they’re ‘JFA’g themselves (I guess people feel self-conscious about talking to themselves but too are laughing at themselves for being that way, I don’t know).

            Nothing mean is meant by it.

      • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

        I can’t imagine waisting one second watching this documentary.

        • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

          Loren is def crazy, right? He seems like he needs meds.

          • cakez says:

            Actually ‘Gawked’ down there reminds me a little of Loren. Dense, pretentious style that confuses the intended meaning, lofty sense of the depth and intellect of their message.

            Except I don’t believe for a second Loren could bear to comment without slapping his name on it and reaping all the attention.

            Fucking nut bag, dude, that guy.

            Of course, the style also reminds me a little of one Machel Sarsden (wink wink), so maybe all the kooks just look alike to me?

        • cakez says:

          I couldn’t even make it through one of my puppet shows, and not just because I have a puppet phobia. They were just shrill and lame to me.

    • cakez says:

      Aww, crap. I meant to link in my post, but must have screwed the tags. Look at his g+. Someone else makes a nasty comment first, but Loren keeps it rolling. I would find it again, but I’m on the iPad and it is more difficult to search. Sorry I budged the link, y’all.

  14. Gawked says:

    I gawk no more. Our society has been donked. It’s useless chirping about useless about useless. Adios RBd

    • This one is a no-boner says:

      Dear Miss Despised Producer: You are clearly trying to sway some sort of narrative for Miss Advised. Is the scenario Julia reading RBD and Gawker is mentioned? Or your ‘friend’ with a peculiar haircut?’ Or should there be a fine line between public and private citizen?! OH how the story unfolds! There is no way JA will ever be able to comment here (Please Jacy & JP)… these people (Bravo and JA) will make sure they have the last word, edit, copy, cut, edit, copy, and cut to make it seem as though we are insane. DON’T LET IT HAPPEN, NOT EVEN ONCE!

    • Google Keyword Miss Advised Is Spartacus says:

      Oh, NO! How are we ever going to get along without this poster’s matchless insights and grasp of hot topics like the “First Ammendment” [sic]?

      I am crushed. Crushed.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I smell lasagna.

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          Oh, that’s my late lunch. Sorry.

        • JuliaCleaver says:

          nah its one of Donkey’s many hackers taking a siesta

        • Fashion Girl says:

          Sadly, this person is about 1,000,000 times more literate than Lasagna. The tell is correctly spelled polysyllables.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Yes. But it was hilarious that for some reason they thought it was ironic or hypocritical that a “First Ammendment” attorney brought a defamation action, since obviously no experts on same understand the difference between protected speech and defamation. OH WAI

        • cankles says:

          Yes, Lasagna because who else is so uneducated that would defend donkey? Lasagna and Donkey need to read about the definitions of libel, slander, and defamation. Also good luck with any of those with as much as she puts herself “out there” on the internet. No one needs to slander her when she posts the truth and all the cat ladies do is enforce it. Too bad so sad Donkey.

  15. cankles says:

    Donkey won’t be covered by gawker again unless she spawns and creates a prosti tot on the pageant circuit. If she can get someone to sperminate her (highly doubtful) because no one wants that clam dungeon. Gawker is all about pissing off the toddler and tiara set for page views. Donkey you have expired, your 15 min were up after Wired. She needs to get over herself, get therapy, a job, and lots of cats.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Therapy is never happening. She will never admit that she is completely mental. She honestly believes she is normal and healthy and all the fucked-up things she does are justified. She is too sick for therapy, so sick she cannot acknowledge her illness.

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        “… the normal, healthy Julia that I am today …” NEVAR FORGET

        And P.S., Jacy, I believe the meme is *Julie* Albertson [Puffessor, correct me if I am wrong], by employing which moniker the catladies kick over both super-mellifulous and classy names together.

        Jugular Addle-pate Bog-stench — NEVAR FORGET

  16. TJ KELLEY'S FISTED ASSHOLE says:

    She better get these hackers under control before they release some information about what she does/happens on the show, otherwise Donks will see a fine from Bravo. I hear those can be pretty hefty.

  17. Truth Squad says:

    My vote: Don’t block, don’t respond

    Blocking gives grounds for complaining

    Ignoring is the cleaner route

    • Occupy Donkeytown says:

      Ignoring wont happen. Even if all the real us resist (which we wont), Donkey will make an obnoxious sock puppet. “Grounds for complaining?” Who gives a damn, let a donkey complain that she can’t storm into the house she tried to burn down. Boo-hoo, fatface.

  18. Like this is normal??? says:

    Granted you have every right, let’s not pretend you people are well adjusted normal adults.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Hey Gawked. Stick to the same username.

      • cakez says:

        Gawked is also fka ‘death rides a pale donkey’ and can’t seem to decide if he/she is for us or against us. Pick a lane, creep.

        • mcakez says:

          Sigh. Also, in the ‘You mad?’ thread, Gawked uses like three different names to post some awesomely crazy shit about THIS HEUUR AMURRRIKA! and screwing his wife in the kitchen…

          It really is like a half-assed parody of your typical YouTube/Yahoo News comment.

    • Kissy Face to a Crowd of Crickets says:

      ugh, enough with the troll(s). you’re harshing our vibe here!

    • 11th Wang says:

      I smell a season finale!

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      You are right; we are angry-sortof-sad adults. You got us! Zing!

    • Don’t engage; see Donkey enrage.
      (neener, neener!)

      Srsly, who still does her bidding?
      Emily Rose? WHAT? the fuck for?

    • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

      I thought you left?

    • Google Keyword Miss Advised Is Spartacus says:

      I’m 5’9″, so I’m significantly taller than normal. But thanks for asking!

    • AFGHANI'S ROMANTIC CHAMPAGNE & OYSTER SHACK says:

      You’re right. I mean, normal and well-adjusted people would never laugh at the selfish antics of a narcissist loser, would they? (Yet there are many websites and TV shows based on exactly this premise…)

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      We are the strong. We are the wild. We are the blessed.

    • Sake Bombardier Advised Miss Julia Allison to Lay Off the Google Alerts says:

      How dare you question the normal, healthy Sake Bombardier that I am today. It took reading a fuckload of Chicken Soup for the Soul/Sole/Seoul!

      • cakez says:

        And lots of Chopin.

        • Princess WideStance says:

          And lots of Choppin’ Broccoli!

          • Worrisome Pelts says:

            More cowbell.

          • cakez says:

            If you only had any idea how often I break into that tune. Love you so hard right now.

          • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

            cakez: so next time we can add Choppin Broccoli to our rap repertoire?

            [img]http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l3plmbyxk71qzqaklo1_500.png[/img]
            [img]http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01272/Nate-dogg_Warren-g_1272983a.jpg[/img]

          • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

            Oh god. Nate Dogg. For real, I’m gonna go buy a 40 just to pour it out for him rite nao.

            I also can’t decide if I am sad or relieved that there is no video/photographic evidence of us having our Regulator moment. Since we are not Julia, I am going to go with ‘relieved.’

    • cakez says:

      I actually don’t even pretend that.

      Back to dusting the World’s Biggest Belly Button Lint’ trophies (fuck yeah, with an S. Three years running AND 1995!) and applying lipstick to the goldfish (AGAIN. Saucy minxes.)

    • JuliaCleaver says:

      Lasagna at least engage the IQ when coming here..make it a fair fight otherwise its like beating up on an emo handicapped retarded mom-basement dwelling3o-year-old pageant contestant.

      • AFGHANI'S ROMANTIC CHAMPAGNE & OYSTER SHACK says:

        Lasagna is almost 35! Which makes it even scarier. She wasn’t some college kid when she met Julia, she was about 30 herself!

  19. Donkeycam Now!! says:

    Hi, my name is Bob and I will be your slightly unhinged hacker fan this evening.

    Can I tell you about our specials?

  20. The Final Rose says:

    I have no idea how credible the source is (but I love Meg and tend to believe her)…but Julia is going to look adorable? The fuck?

    “Well y’all, this bullshit ass shit is happening. And apparently, according to my super top secret Bravo source, she’s edited to look “adorable”… I know, I don’t believe it either.”
    http://megwhat.tumblr.com/post/20694512904/well-yall-this-bullshit-ass-shit-is-happening

    • ::drops the phone::
      ::drops the motherfucking phone::

    • Sake Bombardier Advised Miss Julia Allison to Lay Off the Google Alerts says:

      I think her source drank the Bravo kool-aid.

    • Worrisome Pelts says:

      There isn’t enough editing in the world to make that true.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      We’ve heard she looks like a lunatic, and comes off badly. So who knows. Eye of the beholder, etc?

    • Occupy Donkeytown says:

      Visually, no one with that much bad cosmetic surgery can come off as adorable. With an amazing level of editing skill (beyond what even Bravo can likely afford), the best she can hope for with that face is “poor thing” status.

    • Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

      They couldn’t manage to make her look not nightmare-level awful in a 45-second preview clip, so I have a hard time believing this.

      • Grammarian says:

        this.

        “adorable” beyond the age of 11 is psychotic

      • Supermassive black holes fka mule on rouge says:

        My sister, who has been blissfully unaware of Donkey’s existence, saw the promo on Bravo and said, “What the hell is wrong with that woman? She’s like one of those moms who borrows her teenage daughter’s clothes and imagines that people think they look like sisters.”

    • LOL, hey, LOL, hey, can we tawk a sec about the prancin’ & frolickin’ <a href="Jimmy Dean Sausage Curls that Donkey is sportin’ ON ONE SIDE only?

      That is some goofball shit right there, I don’t care how sober you are!

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      @The Final Rose – name one Bravo reality character that is “adorable.” Can’t? It’s because adorable is boring and therefore not really a staple in the Bravo stable (see what I did there.)

      They need a loon. Julia is a loon. Amy and Emily seem savvy enough, even if they are loons, to keep their looniness under wraps. A Donkey does not. She seems more like someone who would think she is being portrayed at Shirley Temple levels of adorableness which of course, comes off as nothing but manic looniness at age 31.

      • AFGHANI'S ROMANTIC CHAMPAGNE & OYSTER SHACK says:

        Vicki Gunvalson’s daughter and her ex-husband Donn.

        But yeah, not many come off looking likable. I thought for a minute and that’s all I came up with.

        • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

          Those are not main characters.

          • AFGHANI says:

            I don’t disagree with this, but it was hilarious that Vicki got pilloried when she announced she was divorcing Donn. And also that her kids were like “WTF???”

            Vicki’s daughter also did a ton of eye-rolling at all her suggestions over the years.

            You’re right though–no main characters on these shows come off looking good.

      • Google Keyword Miss Advised Is Spartacus says:

        She is so totally Baby Jane.

        • Google Keyword Miss Advised Is Spartacus says:

          Bald Julia better not get out of the car to unlock the gates, is all I’m saying.

      • D says:

        I think Rosie Pope and her silly lisp are adorable. Then again, even though she’s the “main character” her clients provide plenty of obnoxious crazy for Bravo. So there’s that.

        Season two, soon! YAY!

    • helobabe says:

      I’m sure there are others but, I actually came here via being a “fan” of Juliar’s for awhile, and then realized how heinous a person she is. It wouldn’t surprise me if that were also the case with the show – she may come off as perhaps likable at first and then people will undoubtedly recognize the hosebeast after just a couple episodes. Especially once people get used to the cameras being around, lots of stuff starts seeping out…

      • Who do you think you are? says:

        Most sociopaths & psychopaths are extremely charming upon meeting.

    • Truth Squad says:

      edited to look adorable = edited to look insane

    • Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

      Adorable = cutesily irritating and oopsy-daisy awkward like Zooey D’s character on “New Girl?”

      • Truth Squad says:

        heh

      • Who do you think you are? says:

        If that’s the case, then there’s nothing to worry about. Zooey D makes me want to punch a kitten.

        • AFGHANI'S ROMANTIC CHAMPAGNE & OYSTER SHACK says:

          Zooey D gets a free pass from most guys because of her looks, not to mention she has some musical talent. Oh, and she really does have a career and $$$ unlike Julia.

          • Sake Bombardier Advised Miss Julia Allison to Lay Off the Google Alerts says:

            LOL musical talent. I don’t hate her at all but she totally has egg voice when she sings.

    • Effervescent Suppositories says:

      It is impossible to “edit Julia” to make her look “adorable”. She’s tried to do that her entire life and failed miserably.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Fun clip by Charlie Brooker on Reality TV editing and story manipulation —

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBwepkVurCI&feature=player_embedded#!

    • Meg says:

      Hey y’all I go on and off from actively commenting to lurking, but here I am under my real name – Donk, you can call my non-existant employer all you want.

      So my “source” is my friend that works in the GE family having heard from her friend that works in the Bravo division (or whatever the fuck) of the same ‘family’, having either seen some of it herself or having heard from another. I don’t know, I was drink.

      In any case, that’s what I’ve heard, though I cannot imagine the amount of voiceovers and editing it must take to make the Donk tolerable, let alone likable. I’m very excited to watch the trainwreck, and I’d be more than willing to do recaps for all those that want to experience the canklehausen but don’t want to actually watch the piece of shit.

      kbye.

  21. Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

    So she housed 12 hard boiled eggs at an Easter party? Good think Bald Julia is out of town, Donkey must be egg-farting up the Bravo TV set she lives on something awful.

    • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

      That’s not very pescitarian.

    • Truth Squad says:

      Reminds me of the Pygmy who lived at the Zoo

    • Shamoolia says:

      Actually Julia, those are DEVILED eggs. Not just “hard boiled eggs.” *southern lady nose in air*

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        Ha! I thought egg-zactly the same thing. Her word choices so frequently *just* miss. It really does make me sometimes think she has conceptual issues.

        • Peltergeist says:

          She’s missing a chip, big time. Everything about her is just a few degrees off and I can’t just chalk it up to bad taste. Even the food she thinks looks so great or is so innovative always looks barfy. But I guess at least she’s not pointing to it…

      • Google Keyword Miss Advised Is Spartacus says:

        Oh, deviled eggs, how delicious you are.

        I made some recently and put harissa in with the mayo and it was yum. Even yummer than my usual wasabi mayo.

      • Peltergeist says:

        Those deviled eggs look frightening! I wouldn’t eat them, and I’m saying this as I eat non-purple deviled eggs right now.

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

        (forgive me, but) WHY is Julia so STUPID?! DEVILED FUCKING EGGS! NOT HARD BOILED EGGS! and that guy, on the bicycle, is not carrying a guitar; it’s for surfboards! YOU ARE A MORON JULIA ALLISON, and so clearly not a Californian. Go back home to Hicksville (though even in Hicksville the people have better taste and smarts than you).

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          How can a person get to be 31-years-old and not know what deviled eggs are? What went on in that house? Cranberry guacamole but no deviled eggs?

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            I just assumed a Donkey would not admit she ate deviled eggs b/c anything with mayonnaise is so declasse to a snobby Donk.

          • pearipathetic donkey says:

            I’m not sure if she is just dumb or it a window into her–most likely–diagnosable food issues.

          • LetItExplode says:

            Math is hard, Jacy. Feel free to relax.

        • Kissy Face to a Crowd of Crickets says:

          I actually live very close to Hicksville, NY. What’s yer problem?!?!? (lol)

        • Shamoolia says:

          She really is fucking stupid and loooooves to broadcast it. I think she must have some kind of learning or cognitive disorder to get simple words or concepts wrong so often. I can’t recall specifics, but I’ve seen her on video before stumbling over describing very simple words or ideas. The stick glue video is one instance, but I know there are many others.

  22. Mikey Boy says:

    Hopefully the show will tank.

  23. Shamoolia says:

    I missed all the fun this weekend… did that donkey ever show up here?

  24. h4x0r3d says:

    Newsflash donkey no one has ever bother to “h4x0r” you. You once begged 4chan for help they were tits or gtfo so you left. Own your behaviour donkey and grow the fuck up

  25. Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

    OT and this is not directed at anyone in particular – but if people want to fight, why not take it into the forums and duke it out all day long?

    Double OT – anyone watching “Smash?” Donkey’s resemblance to Anjelica Houston is UNCANNY. Someone must do a side by side!

    • Kissy Face to a Crowd of Crickets says:

      I am loving Smash, despite the cheesiness and the network-drama-ness (no cursing, etc). I am a true Broadway fan, unlike Our Princess, who only sees shows when a wallet or a dadser pays, and even then walks out if there is too much sexiness (see Hair).

      By the way, I saw “Leap of Faith” the other night…OMG I love Raul Esparza. Anyone else a fan? I’ve seen him in pretty much everything he’s done in NY.

      On Wednesday I’m seeing “Salesman.” I’ve heard it’s great!

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        My friend saw Salesman and said is amazing.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Excite for/envious of you. I really wanted to see that production of Death of a Salesman.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Malf, meet me on the corner in the Forum after school!
      & bring your face-mask, because you’re gonna need it!!

      (I kid! :-) )

  26. This one is a no-boner says:

    Why is she so angry at Instagram? Why is she so angry at Facebook?

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      She’s mad at Instagram b/c they are taking the “Fuck you money” that is really deserved by NonSociety.

      (And I love when someone on Techcrunch calls her out and tells her it’s an accurate evaluation, she still stomps her hooves. The Donkey is such and outsider.)

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        You just know her career plan was something like this: befriend FB’s sister then marry FB and/or he will buy NonSociety for $1 billion.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      She was humiliated by and then fucked over her only connection to FB, so that’s why she’s mad at Facebook.

      She’s mad at Instragram because why hasn’t SHE thought of something that could earn her $1 billion??!?! Why hasn’t someone handed her $1 billion just for existing???!?!?

      • Farty Couch says:

        Just you wait, hater. Zenandtheartofcouchsurfingandgooglingyourselftowildfameandfortuneandspectacularlyawesomebravolebrityyoushitheads.com is going to drop soon, and you will regret not being nicer to her.

        You’re gonna be left air bnb-hind, looser!

  27. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    what’s this now: MMBH working with matchmaker janis spindel?

    @janisspindel follow or email me mary@morethanmary.com and we can set up a time to chat.

  28. Jimbo says:

    Maybe some hackers can get a hold of some nude pix of her!

    • mcakez says:

      Step 1) invent brain bleach.
      Step 2) release newds of Joolier.
      Step 3) profit.

      • Scooby Don't says:

        I think ol’Jimbo has a green skin tag fetish.

      • so sorry, so fat says:

        Dr. Cakez,

        i’m working on a patent for mental white-out. let me know if i can help with this venture.

        sincerest regards,
        SSSF (but my friends call me SS Titters McFlair)

  29. RaftAss says:

    Fabulous post! Jacy and JP= you guys never fail to impress.

    Also- HI JULIA- what happened to Grandma Moneybags?

  30. The Final Rose says:

    Is anyone else waiting for Julia to jump all over Ashley Judd’s treatise about her own plastic surgery rumors?

    Oh wait, in true Julia fashion, she will probably start talking about it two months from now, and declaring Ashley Judd her lifelong role model.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      I’m waiting for Julia to say she is on steroids, too. That’s why her face is a big moon pie like Ashley Judd’s.

      I think a Donkey should not draw anymore attention to her lies or her face.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I saw that and wonder how long it will be before she blames steroids for her bloat-face.

      • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

        Jinx, buy me a bacon donut!

      • The Final Rose says:

        I started to type “she is probably frantically googling reasons to take steroids” but then I remembered who we’re dealing with here. I expect Twitter crowd-sourcing for an ‘article’ on Prednisone any minute now.

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          There MUST be a way prednisone is used to treat celiac.

          • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

            One of my friends is actually on Prednisone basically for the rest of her life now, thanks to ulcerative colitis. It isn’t fun, she is frequently sick (often with crippling bowel/toilet urgency), and it is all in all a sad state of affairs. In spite of that (or sometimes because of it), she keeps a very specific diet, works out every day, and also does triathlons.

            So, you know, basically queue Julia realizing her ceilingcats is actually ulcerative colitis, blaming the Prednisone for her puffy face, and continuing to eat like a garbage disposal.

          • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

            Chrones desease is another one she could claim

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          My God, what claptrap this is. She is making a valid point about criticism of women’s appearances somewhere in there, but Jesus Christ, trying to extract it from that pretentious writing is as difficult as figuring out what Donk has injected into her face.

          http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/04/09/ashley-judd-slaps-media-in-the-face-for-speculation-over-her-puffy-appearance.html

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            And what bugs me is this: Yes, women — and men — are appalled when it looks like otherwise beautiful women have started messing with their faces. And I am sorry, she can say she gained weight and she is on steroids and that may be perfectly true, but she has the look of a woman who has messed with her face via injections.

            But I don’t hear a lot of women saying anything negative about the actresses out there who HAVEN’T messed with their faces, who have opted to age gracefully: Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren, Judi Dench, Tilda Swinton, etc etc.

            It’s the fact that these other women refuse to accept that they’re aging, and start injecting shit into their faces that make them look like Julia Allison, that perpetuates the entire problem. This is why Madonna, Kidman, etc, so piss me off. Every time they do it, they are implicitly telling women their age they should be doing it too. So in that respect, they’re as sexist and misogynistic as the people who react in dismay and horror to it, and as much to blame for the commentary about it.

            I’m talking to you, Feminist Donkey. Put the needle down. You’re a feminist, you say? Then accept that no one dodges the aging bullet. It’s OK TO AGE!! It’s allowed! In many ways, you’ll become more beautiful as the years pass. So for the love of Christ, all you female youth-worshippers — LET IT FUCKING GO. You’re the problem!

          • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

            Can I get an ‘Amen’ for Jacy’s post? Ayyyy-MEN!

            Also, just stop fucking lying about it. You aren’t fooling anyone, and you look like a (even bigger) vain, stupid asshole in the process.

          • CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

            Yes, stop with the lying about it. If you’re going to fuck with your face, then own up to it. Wave the flag of “it’s my face, I’ll do with it as I like,” not the “oh, the mysogyny of saying I had something done.” I have a lot of respect for the women who refuse to mess with their face as well as the ones like Dolly Parton and Joan Rivers and Cher who have no apologies for doing what they want with their bodies. But the ones who lie, here’s your big fat eyeroll to whatever nonsensical feminist rant you may concoct.

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            Why do you think they lie? Is it because we dared say they are so vain and so insecure that they could not age gracefully? Or is it b/c they are getting called out for horrible work?

            And yes, better to say, “Fuck yeah I did it and it’s none of your business!” Maybe if more woman talked about it, butchers like Dr. Bobby would be put out of work.

          • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

            PS, I had my eyes done! And they look fabulous. I had horrible hereditary bags under my eyes and I hated, hated, hated them!

            If I got called out for it, I would totally admit it. In fact my sister is insanely jealous I got it done. I never told anyone b/c I did not want to talk about the cost which I thought was no one’s business and I did not want people to tell me not to do b/c I was just fine the way I was.

            That’s my true confession!

          • CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

            They lie because they want people to think that their post-work face is their natural face. They don’t want to admit to their prior-face because of self-loathing. It’s the same for young girls who get work too early because they don’t want to just be attractive, they want to be the most attractive. Youth isn’t enough. They’ve got to have the perfectly arched eyebrows naturally. They want people to envy them. That’s why they can’t admit that they’re manufactured because it would be admitting to and claiming their prior face.

            Also, I have natural puppy-dog eyes in my family that droop on the outsides starting with the outer edge of my eyebrows. When I have the money post-40, I will get my eyes done, too, and I will be happy to admit it. My aunt had it done post-50, and she looks great now at 65. It’s all she ever had done, but she’s happy for it. She looks so refreshed and younger like a disney princess with bright eyes. She was pretty before, but the eyes take her back 25 years. And me, I’m totes going to as well once I’m 40 and can afford it.

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            I disagree that Ashley Judd looks like she has messed with her face, to me it does not look like that but I might be blinded by fellow-Kentuckian loyalty.

            HOWEVER AJ is blind-itemed as having been trying to get pregnant using fertility drugs and having seen a friend of mine suffer that constant struggle and heartbreak, I feel for her. And fertility drugs I think will make your face change shape too.

          • Sake Bombardier says:

            Let’s not forget Queen Real Face herself, Jamie Lee Curtis. She was recently on some talk show saying she just didn’t get the whole injectables thing, and what the fuck (my words obvi) is up with the LIPS. I seriously fall in love these days whenever I see someone like her, who look like themselves at their age and can still make expressions. Emoting seems like a dying art in Hollywood.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            And she’s BEAUTIFUL, right? That’s what I don’t get. She looks SO MUCH BETTER than the women messing with their faces, grey hair and all. She looks totally hot. Do they not understand they’re making themselves look older, not younger? Would anyone believe that JA is 31? Seriously? She looks like someone in her 40s now, trying desperately to hold onto her youth. So insane.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Ashley Judd’s face looks like steroid face to me (I think I said that here, too). I have a good friend with Crohn’s whose face looks like that when she’s on high doses after a flare.

            So I am taking steroids right now and, with my usual luck, my face has not gotten puffy at all. If anything, it’s more drawn than ever for that always-attractive CryptKeeper look.

  31. Random Snowflake says:

    …aaaaand hours later Donk is still going on about the Instagram acquisition.

    “@JuliaAllison A picture is worth a thousand words … Or a billion dollars, apparently. ;-$ #Instagram”

    She thought a collection of half assed blogs written by complete nobodies would be worth “Fuck You Money,” but can’t for the life of her fathom a real software product that millions of people love and use on a daily basis being worth quite a bit too?

    The bitch is delusional. (and jealous)

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      Especially considering Instamatic and Hispergram (whatevs) convince Julia that her filtered-to-death fauxtos are worth sharing. That alone should be worth big bux to her.

    • Malformed Face (like a blow-up doll left in a hot car) says:

      Also, about ten people on my feed made that same joke… Oh, Donkey…

  32. Shamoolia says:

    OT but I think we were discussing here a few days ago about how manicures get ruined during sleep and I have found a good top coat for preventing that. Sally Hansen Insti-Dry (comes in the red bottle). I used it on my mani last night before bed and it’s still shiny and smooth this morning – no sheet marks, dings or fingerprints at all! Hooray!

    • FIEIRCE Mani (pedi) says:

      Well hellooooo! :D

    • stalker is the new fat says:

      report back about whether it stops chipping. I need less chipping in my life. I feel so unfieeirce.

    • Sake Bombardier says:

      That shit is the [sake] bomb–that and the Sally Hansen instant cuticle remover the blue stuff). I even use it to exfoliate dry patches on hooves DON’T JUDGE.

  33. Google Keyword Miss Advised says:

    Another vote for blocking her given the likelihood this is about creating a sympathetic clip for (Google Keyword) Miss Advised.

    Or at the very least, block her until after they’re finished filming.

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