Julia Allison To Peace Out Before Nutty Granny Money Bags Peaces Out

I just ate 7/10 of an enormous jar of chocolate ice cream topping “hidden” in the second fridge at my parents’ place = how I know it’s time to go home to LA, where such things aren’t allowed in my house, because I WILL CONSUME THEM IN FULL. Barf. (I’m on a plane tomorrow … )

If only Chicago had an Earth Bar and Julia’s self control, she would be able to stay until Granny’s very last breath. Either that, or I am going to assume that Granny wasn’t as death bed sick as Julia Allison made it out to be. What would be worse?

 

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173 Responses to Julia Allison To Peace Out Before Nutty Granny Money Bags Peaces Out

  1. CDB says:

    I just can’t believe the on off switch Its like fringe

  2. oh, calm down Kevin; it's MONOGRAMMED!!!!!!!!! says:

    well, you all called it. she’s off to LA.

    as for the ice cream? i can’t even got there, coz the comment will be about self control and being an adult, and as we all know, that’s NEVER gonna happen…….

    • oh, calm down Kevin; it's MONOGRAMMED!!!!!!!!! says:

      ‘go there’….typo!

    • Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

      It was frosting, right? Not ice cream.

      I’ll honestly bet her family is glad to be fucking rid of her.

      • oh, calm down Kevin; it's MONOGRAMMED!!!!!!!!! says:

        yeah, the topping stuff. i was typing too fast – i left that out; topping.

        so sorry, so fat!

  3. Scooby Don't says:

    7/10th of a jar? Are you sure it wasn’t 58/64th? Or 161/175th? Or 2564/3561th?
    It’s so sad that you chose to be “accurate” about the most inconsequential things that happen to you. The rest of your life … not so much.
    Plus I wish you lost luggage, bumped seats and all the random cavity searches and bag checks you so richly deserve every time you travel. May you be treated as inconvient and unimportant to the travel gods as you seem to find the people who share your life.
    Mauvais voyage, Donkey!

  4. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    Why does this bitch think eating disorders are so adorable? Get help, asshole.

    • Kate Middlebrow says:

      Probably because our society worships thin people thin people who can eat like teenage boys and still remain tiny and cute.

  5. It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

    Anyone else speculating that Devoted Donkey found out in advance the disbursement of the will & had an OH FUCK IT ALL! moment & took her leave?

    Here’s to hoping that GMB$ has enriched the lives of feral cats everywhere …

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Would not be surprised at all.

      Didn’t we assume that’s what happened when Mom$er’s dad died? There was nothing in it for her, so she kept her trap shut. Also, it seemed like he was really on to her bullshit and was having none of it.

      How fucking awesome would it be if Granny put something in her will, specifically addressing Julie’s horrific behavior. And any inheritance that would have gone to Julie was instead being donated to the SPCA and Humane Society. I would pay good money to see the look on Britt’s face.

    • oh, calm down Kevin; it's MONOGRAMMED!!!!!!!!! says:

      …..or that the will stipulates that she must be married before she is to receive any monies.

      hah!

    • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

      I think they nicely asked her to leave.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        I’d like to think that hospice not so nicely told her to STFU or GTFO.

        • Sausage curls/fingers says:

          This. Any nurse I know would have ushered her out of that hospital room days ago for the disruptive stunts she’s pulling. I’d be shocked if she’s not interfering with the goings on of the doctors/nurses in some way.

          • AFGHANI says:

            Well, she did allegedly sleep with quite a few medical students when she was a college freshman after transfering in from Indiana U. She is qualified to ummm errrr give medical advice.

          • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

            I think 99% of what she tweeted was bullshit.

          • JFA says:

            Seriously! Cosign SS, and also, um nurses/doctors are probably coming in at least a few times a day to check on her/change her IV bla bla. There is no way bitch is sitting there singing Sinatra (LOL!). I am picturing that scene now, the scene that never happened. Also aren’t there other family comings and goings? Aren’t visiting hours restricted? Yet this bidge is sitting there like a lunatic dumbass playing Bach on her Iphone? Ugh.

  6. Dr. Gary says:

    It’s mind-baughling the way she can go from wailing about Granny on her deathbed to tweeting stupid bullshit about the weather.

    As mentioned in the previous post, she must be a Cylon, right? Her behavior, it’s not human.

  7. New Year New You says:

    If you helped yourself to even 1/10th of a jar of my chocolate anything you would be kicked out of my house. This is prolly what happened.

  8. Fashion Girl says:

    Doesn’t being a digital nomad grant you the luxury of staying somewhere that you’re needed rather than flitting off back to your “job”?

  9. New Year New You says:

    I also really hope that 7/10 of a jar of chocolate topping was dairy, sugar and gluten free, otherwise Windy Donkey is sure going to be causing some turbulence on that flight tomorrow.

  10. KashMoney says:

    One can only hope that her family either told her to GTFO or encouraged her to follow her loathsome instincts and go chase a dude.

    frankly, if JAB were my daughter I’d rather her in SF chasing a man who might take her off my hands than have to deal with her as a parent is in ill health.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Five out of five Baughers surveyed would agree. Apparently.
      Adiós & ¡buena liberación, burro de los raftass que rebuzna!

  11. pelto brayo says:

    I’m stuck on the fact that she made sure to tell us that it was out of her parents SECOND fridge. You know Julia, some people who are below you in station also possess more than one fridge.

    • KashMoney says:

      i like to think that the first one is the “decoy fridge”, and is usually enough to trick shit-for-brains Julia.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        Hell, look how long Donkey was fooled by real dishwashers …

        Dishwashing soap does not = dishwasher detergent. Any suggestions on how to clear the mess before my parents come home
        [img]http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkiyojkyBn1qz6dlko1_400.jpg[/img]

        NOT that her ‘rent$ perpetuate any Barbie Doll existence …

        There are three types of people in this world: those who don’t prewash, those who do prewash, and those who prewash only when their mother is around.
        [img]http://29.media.tumblr.com/NB8YioMLipjph8e3YFg45q0eo1_400.jpg[/img]

      • JFA says:

        There is no way the Pink Palace did not have a dishwasher. So she is a complete dumbass who literally NEVER used her own kitchen.

        Grow the fuck up asshole.

    • CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

      There is no one below her in station. She does nothing. It’s only in her head.

  12. Cake Liar says:

    Oh for FUCK SAKE, REALLY DONKEY?!? I am sickened by the narcissistic piggery in this fucker, where the fuck does this shitshow end????

    Sorry, I’m fucking St Patricks Day in Scotland drunk.

    Britt, Allie, Petey boy, a little bit personality disordered Momsers – COME, JOIN US, IF EVER THERE WAS A MORE APPROPRIATE TIME, THIS IS IT!!!

    • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

      Wait, are you fucking a Scot named Saint Patrick or are you “in” fucking Scotland?? 🙂
      (Seriously though, lovely place. I would love to go back again.)

      • Cake Liar says:

        Haha sorry, my atrocious grammar is evident in today’s cold sober daylight. I live in Scotland, and yesterday I got drunk in honour of St Patrick’s Day. And got the drunken stabbies re: Donkey so said fuck a lot.

        Yes Scotland is gorgeous, the only downside being I’m not likely to be able to attend a catlady meet up soon! Unless there are any other McCatladies out there…

        • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

          We, meaning my sister and I, have a friend in Bo’ Ness we’ve known for 30 years. He’s like long lost family really and the reason we haven’t been back is because he wants to come here. When I say, ‘here’, I mean our homes are a get-a-way to relax for him. He’s comes here to just be and get away from his life over there. He is the one who taught me, in regards to life’s problems, hardships, etc, “Everywhere you go, there you are”
          Point being, you never know about that catlady thing… He’ll be getting married soon so I may end up there for a party!

  13. Effervescent Suppositories says:

    I think we give them too much credit. All of them. They’re just typical WASP upper middle class cretins who are too uptight to cut through the bullshit.

    • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

      I agree. Her family seems to support her hair brained schemes. And Momser and Granny are always trying to throw men at her so they probably think it’s great that she has another wallet in her sights.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Well, not Allie.

  14. Ridonkulous says:

    Didn’t she tell the world about a week ago that she would only be staying at casa Wilmette for a week? I guess NGMB didn’t get the memo on Donk’s limited schedule and has had the temerity to hang on beyond the time allocated for her.

  15. WP says:

    Donke, can you picture your hero OMGKateMiddleton in the above pose? No? Let me help you:

    [img]http://i44.tinypic.com/o9fvye.jpg[/img]

    This is why you will never marry into a dignified family.

  16. Dr. Gary says:

    And now Julie is starting a twitter fight with Emily Gould? I CANNOT. I love Emily bitch slapping her at the end for calling her ‘Em’.

    [img]http://i39.tinypic.com/2n71hlc.png[/img]

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Forgot to mention this was re: this tweet:

      @EmilyGould
      Just remembered that Gwyneth Paltrow tweet-denied having a cookbook ghostwriter and laughed out loud, again

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        @EmilyGould: @JuliaAllison ps are you wearing a green dress and eating a green cupcake as we speak

        • Donksers says:

          Ha, great question. Julie must not be chasing a wallet at the moment or she’d be all themed-out in some trashy garish green costume which she’d post to her FB account 75 times. She should have worn her green herp-derp tutu from Burning Man!

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            Great question, INDEED!

            Donkey blew off GMB$ for St Patty’s (MMBH schoold of speeling) Day?

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      If I had to leave the side of a dying loved one, in light of everything else, I’m sure that a Twitter fight about non-relevant things would be #2 of utmost importance.

      So yeah Donkey, I’d for sure put my raftass out there like that.

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      The NYT could potentially be wrong when they’re doubting her savior Gwynnie, but certainly not when she’s FOREVER twattering links to their articles and about the documentary focused on the paper!

    • BunnyBingo says:

      Why is Julia so defensive here? I would guess because she fancies herself as being friends with a “celeb” that wrote their own book. Paging Meghan McCain…

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        Also, didn’t the NYT slander a Donkey by calling her a sex columnist when she is most certainly not?

      • Julia Allison is a Digital Gonad (aka WP) says:

        Interesting. I took it as Julia calling herself a “celeb” and a “writer.” Either way, it is to chuckle derisively.

    • Joardache & the Pelts says:

      “C’mon Em” that’s a new vernacular for me. Both pretentious twats. Also st Patrick’s day is gross and the pasty kids crawling and howling out of the bars around my house are going to disturb my chance of sleep much more than the crackheads.

      • JFA says:

        LOL! I love how “Em” shot her ass DOWN when JA tried to fake intimacy. Goddamnit. She is such a cunt. And I’m not a fan of Gould but she owned her ass here. Emily is actually a very smart gal. Bitch please. At least condescend to those at your rough intellectual level.

        I think this shit should have its own post honestly. Not to create work for our intrepid writers.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      Auntie Em is not only correct about the ZERO celebs who write their own books, ghost writers are employed across all genres. Three editors I knew at NY houses left editing to become ghost writers and they make a fortune, and you’d be stunned at the wild range of titles just those three are responsible for. It’s not even a secret.

      • JFA says:

        Of course she is right. She’s a person who knows shit in a twatter war with a fucking moron. She just won my respect here.

        Julia, will you never learn to shut your damn pie hole about crap you don’t understand, namely everything?

  17. She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

    It always amazes me how she’s so insistant that she’s nothing like what people say yet when it comes down to it she acts EXACTLY like what people say, if not worse.
    I honestly did not think that she would spend a week live tweeting Granny’s death then take off when Granny had the temerity to not die within the Donkey’s schedule. That’s just so far beyond anything I had expected from her and I expected pretty bad. I assumed that she blew her Gran off to attend SXSW; I assumed that she showed up for a day, complained about the airfare change fee, then took off; I assumed that she was back in LA facebooking about some stupid article she read the day after visiting her dying Grandmother, but this? I didn’t even imagine.

    • Sausage curls/fingers says:

      It’s truly pathetic when a site full of your ‘haters’ display more compassion for your beloved grandmother than you can through your faux distraught tweets and Facebook statuses. People here are genuinely saddened over her grandmother’s condition but a Donkey can’t even PRETEND to feel that way. And that’s not even counting how little she actually cares deep down. *head/fist shakes!!!*

    • CDB says:

      I know, right? we have all been concerned about going over the line, but in fact we have been more respectful of GMB than she has.

  18. Ca Ca Nails says:

    Too lazy to check out the celeb/supposed author in question, but Emily is right. None of them write their own books, it’s well known, and the closest they come is “outlining” or giving the ghost a bunch of bullet points or talking into a recorder, and it’s then thanklessly up to the ghost to fill in the blanks and nail down the appropriate tone. They can make quite a lot of money, and sometimes they’ll get a “with” credit along with the celeb’s name on the cover, but usually they are anonymous and presumably have to put up with a fair amount of bullshit depending on how diva-y and micromanaging the celeb is.

    And like weirdly indignant Donkey hasn’t been using a ghost writer her entire life-paging Mommy Baugher…

    • AFGHANI says:

      If Donkey really was *nearly* a McCain (LOL) she’d know that Mark Salter wrote all of “John McCain’s books”.

    • Ca Ca Nails says:

      oops, in reply to Dr. Gary. Sorry/Fat, etc.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Some celebrities write their own books. Jimmy Buffett does, for instance.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        I have no idea why I’m defending Jimmy Buffett here, by the way. I don’t really like his music. Or his mystery novels. And I’ve done lots of ghostwriting myself, and probably have more in my future if/when I am well enough to go back to work.

        I think A Donkey may have broken my brain.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        He’s a notable exception. He has a journalism degree and worked as a reporter.

      • Meow_Mix says:

        My dad has Jimmy Buffett’s “A Salty Piece of Land.” The cover font is Comic Sans. I shit you not.

      • Can-Swiss says:

        There are authors who don’t even write their own books. I know someone that has ghost written 90% of two well-known author’s books.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      PRETEND THIS IS ME LIVE TWEETING MY APOLOGIES FOR NOT READING DOWN BEFORE COMMENTING.

  19. 11th Wang says:

    She is so disgusting. I can’t even look anymore.

  20. BunnyBingo says:

    Ah the old binge eating trope. Boring.
    As for going back to LA, good, maybe Granny will have a chance to pass on in peace and with a little dignity.

    • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

      Or, you know, get better, since her mother lived 15 years past the age granny is at now (I think?), and Donkey was really just crassly exploiting this whole thing for attention.

  21. Meow_Mix says:

    Seriously this bitch.

    Sometimes when reading RBD I write the Julia Allison Arrested-Development-esque TV script in my mind. Like, can you picture a JA character at her grandmother’s bedside, warbling “Amazing Grace” from iphone speakers with her eyes closed, NGMB hiding under her covers looking terrified, nurses peeking their heads in with mouths agape, Peter texting Raul frantically, Britt and Allie looking at each other with wide eyes, and Robin popping a bunch of pills? It would be hilarious. Julia is 30 Rock’s Jenna Maroney + Lindsay Bluth-Funke + probably another million awful characters I can’t think of right now.

    According to her FB/Twitter stream, I piece together the last week like this:
    *Julia storms into granny’s hospice room, with her family sitting there quietly, bitching about the $100 she had to pay JetBlue. “CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT???”
    *Julia knocks Allie off her chair, sits her raft ass down, and cues up her iphone. She begins singing to NGMB, while everyone looks on in horror.
    *The next day, Julia storms in the hospice room again and starts loudly playing music on her shitty iphone speakers. “IT’S BACH, GRANDMA! TONS AND TONS OF BACH! SHITLOADS OF CHOPIN!” While the rest of the family is seriously discussing NGMB’s condition, Julia is in the corner, furiously tweeting for sympathy and attention. “OMG,” she shrieks. “SARAH BLAKELY!”
    *”Dadsers, your father died at 70, and you’re 63! Only seven years left, amirite? Jeez.”
    *Julia figures that there’s a dick she has to chase in LA and that by downloading shitloads of Chopin, she has fulfilled her granddaughterly duties. Alternatively, the Baughers gently suggest that she should GTFO.

    And, scene.

    • Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

      You’re good.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      It keeps running through my head like some sort of sick jingle or twisted mantra: Lots-and-lots-of-Bach/shitloads-of-Chopin

      But she WILL pay for this, eventually.

    • Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

      Also “Raul” is one of my absolute favorite RBD cameo characters.

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        I always hear his name as Rrrrrraul.

        • Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

          Is Raul totally (and hilariously) made up, or is there some basis for believing he may be real? So sorry so fat – I sleep through Donkology class sometimes.

          • Dr. Gary says:

            I think there was some speculating/joking about Dad$ers using the condo for sexy times. Pretty sure I’m the one who came up with ‘Raul’ as the name of his condo boyfriend (correct me if I’m wrong on this, cat ladies). Then it just sort of stuck.

          • AFGHANI says:

            Doesn’t some of the speculation about Dadster’s sexuality come from the fact that he’s been friends with Mark Kirk (a closeted Republican) for a fairly long time?

          • Dr. Gary says:

            @AFGHANI

            That’s definitely part of it, too.

    • Zandra says:

      SHITLOADS OF CHOPIN! <3

    • Kissy Face to a Crowd of Crickets says:

      LOVE “shitloads of Chopin.”

  22. Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

    Is this her all time low? I haven’t been this disgusted by her in awhile.

    • Scooby Don't says:

      You’d need a bathyscaphe to get to the Marianas trench-like depths the Donkey is capable of plumbing.
      Any deeper and she’s going to emerge out of a hole in China.

    • CDB says:

      yes this is the bottom of the barrel

    • Prof. F Camping says:

      to quote shamoolia: “I keep on thinking she’s hit rock bottom. I’ve been thinking that for years now. Yet, she continues to sink lower. She finds the trapdoor on the floor of the basement and crawls right through.”

  23. Dr. Gary says:

    Very OT:

    Choire Sicha has a piece on the front page of nytimes.com, ‘Cat Got Your Brain’. Thought the cat ladies might like it.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/18/opinion/sunday/cat-got-your-brain.html

    • Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

      I actually can’t stand The Awlful. Overrated Web 2.0 “journalism” at it’s worst.

      • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

        I heartily agree. The mediocre quality of the content and writing is disproportionate to the overbearingly smug, cliquish and self-satisfied tone that pervades the place.

        • Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

          Yeah. It’s just sub-par to average writing gussied up with a whole lot of smug and snark.

  24. Joardache & the Pelts says:

    She so witty and charming , America is sure to fall in love with her like the rest us. Bravo motherfuckers if the shitbomb actually airs…chovolate ice cream o my

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      Does chovolate ice cream have vodka as an ingrediment? If so, I am so there.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        Ever had a chocolate martini … ?
        (sick sweet & headache-inducing; I don’t recommend)

  25. Prof. F Camping says:

    OT, it looks to me like MoreThanMary has been hacked (again), anyone else seeing that?

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      What are you seeing? I can’t tell if the “WARNING” I saw is the real deal because I just installed a new anti-virus program (Avast) & that would be the very 1st warning I’ve seen, if indeed it’s a legit one … (I skedaddled)

      • Fueled by PMS & Chocolate says:

        I got a worm from checking her site yesterday. It made it so I couldn’t open any programs at all, but a systems restore from the boot menu did the trick.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          Did the rest of RBD fall down the worm hole?
          Cuz it’s way, way too quiet up in here …

          #ThankYouFreeTrialOfAvast

          • Barking Mad says:

            We are all stumbling through our days trying to slough off a bad case of advanced canklehausen.

  26. Zandra says:

    Instead of making me think She’s cute, “teehee eating disorders lol!” it makes me see how utterly moronic she is. What 31 year old cant control themselves from eating that much topping? It would make a normal person sick let alone someone with full-blown Ceiling Cat’s disease.

    Oh wait, that’s right she’s a hypochondriac liar.

    • New Year New You says:

      Eh, I have to allow her this one, I have no control over chocolate eating either. I would eat 7 out of 10 jars, I could eat chocolate for miles and miles, miles of the stuff, for days, weeks, possibly a month, all day, every day.

  27. Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

    Julia Allison ‏ @JuliaAllison
    Service journalism from a pro. 😉 RT @jellyd: free “masturbation song” download here: http://bit.ly/wom46F

    Yes Julia, tweeting a link to a horrid-sounding song (the description- no, I’m not listening to such shit) is “journalism”. Well, I’ll say it’s better journalism than anything you’ve done.

    And this “Jelly D” character- just typing the names gives me hives. Ugh, she can really pick them. Not my hives. Douchelords.

    • AFGHANI says:

      WTF does “service journalism from a pro” even mean???

      Also? LOL that Julia has the balls to call herself a “journalist”. WTF???

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        It’s yet another fine example of her inability to be funny &/or ironic, much less construct a coherent sentence … pretty sure what she was going for there is along the lines of: ‘Service-y!’ ie: ‘written’ like the professional wanker that you are replete w/ cutesy winkeye wonkeye to remind him that she’ll give him a hoofy, if only he’ll let her.

        Donkey, just stick with: I know you are, but what am I!comebacks, you waddling toddler, you.

        • Julia Allison is a Digital Gonad (aka WP) says:

          she’ll give him a hoofy

          I hope you’re happy, I woke up the pomeranian with my laughing. Now I’ll probably have to give him belly rubs. #firstworldproblems #awesome #petcarecanbefunyoudonkey

      • Random Snowflake says:

        Yes Julia, you’re really a “Journalist”, especially when you chose to write about “RentTheRunway.com” while the whole Arab Spring movement was at it’s peak and fueled by Social Media (the topic of your column). Real pro there.

    • maid of dishonor says:

      sometimes I forget that JellyD isn’t just an RBD nickname.

    • du/coveted vag space says:

      well — i listened.
      and he intros the song by saying it was inspired by a “long distance relaysh” — ten bucks he’s talking donkey here. i just vommed. in the flowers.

      • du/coveted vag space says:

        also. this jelly d dude?
        um. has anyone listened to this fucking BULLSHIT MUSIC HAVE YOU HAVE YOU???

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pr7UqVOIZNs

        freaking out at this fucking tool. fuck. ing. tool.

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        He is not talking about a Donkey – she is not maturbation worthy. PS, if he was, she would be braying on and on about it.

        PS, this guy gets tons of poon, he’s not hard up and waiting on a Donkey

  28. sausage snappers says:

    This whole episode is ridiculous beyond measure. She is off her nut if she is truly singing songs AND TWEETING ABOUT IT by her grandmother’s death bed. She has to be lying about everything because it’s just too crazy. Why would she tweet any of this and think it makes her look good and/or sympathetic? What dude would want to bone a chick who is exploiting this crap? BAUGHLED.

    • Records Custodian says:

      Everything makes sense. This is precisely the kind of guy who would be attracted to Julia Allison, and he is exactly the kind of guy that she deserves. Two folks starved for attention and will do anything to get it, but who also consider themselves victims of negative attention.

      The world is exactly as it should be. She not only has determined her brand synergy (Velveeta, etc.), she has also determined just how far down the ladder she should date.

  29. JuliaCleaver says:

    guess what folks?

    Granny was not on her death bed..welcome to Donkey’s world of being had..enjoy..

  30. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    JuliaAllison Doing a roadtrip up to SF next weekend with girlfriends & want to rent the right vehicle for it. Any suggestions?? Convertible vs SUV?
    13 minutes ago

    Her life is so pathetic. And lonely. She has a week of nothing to do and she can’t even take the time to look this up.

    PS Jelly D, time to kick your side piece and booty call out of the bedroom. A Donkey is coming for you

    • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

      Convertible or SUV? WTF? Well, are you driving up PCH? In that case, convertible. But are there going to be more than 4 passengers? Then you’d better go with the SUV. She couldn’t have come up with a better question to disguise her bragging?

      Also, nobody but tourists think the drive from LA to San Francisco is much of a roadtrip. California is like Texas in that way, where you can drive 6 hours and end up at the local Starbucks.

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        I can’t think of anything I would hate more than 6 hours in a convertible… well, 6 hours in a convertible with a Donkey. Though the wind might drown out her braying.

        • New Year New You says:

          Yeah, but that same wind would also mean PELTS IN YO FACE for six hours.

          Still, pushing her out would be quite easy in a convertible.

          • Mini Driver says:

            Great, now I can’t stop singing “Pelts in yo face,” to the tune of “Jizz in my Pants.” In other news, I am high.

      • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

        6 hours up PCH in a convertible is a nice way to be freezing your bits off. It’s freaking 55 out today. (Yes, I know this isn’t actually low but it’s five degrees above freezing for us, and seriously, that kind of temp in a convertible? FTS…)

        And yeah… “roadtrip” to SF. Wow, yay, Kettleman City. Hanford. Lemoore. What a fucking scenic trip. THE STARBUCKS IN PATTERSON OMG OMG.

        • Dr. Gary says:

          And it’s been windy as fuck. I can’t believe we haven’t lost our power yet.

          I like the drive to SF. But only if you take PCH. Which takes for EVER.

    • Scooby Don't says:

      Now who will make up this carload of fail?
      FlusherPrice is one…. Taryn maybe? Perhaps Lilly counts as one?
      Who else?…I mean with all the great friends Julia has a motorcycle and sidecar could handle the load with room to spare.

    • CDB says:

      [img]http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa205/goldenpony1021/new%20horse%20trailer%20maybe/trailer1.jpg[/img]

  31. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    A servicey tip in case Miss(ing) Prefrontal Cortex finds herself in a chocolate aisle again:

    For humans, the LD50 of theobromine is relatively low: roughly a gram per kilogram. Julia: ASSuming you’re human, this means that 90 or 100 grams would kill you, amirite?

    Dark chocolate is about 1% theobromine. Therefore, Julia, try to keep your binging to UNDER ABOUT SIX POUNDS or NGMB will be one of the very few people attending your funeral.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      File the “90 or 100 grams” dig under “insults Julia wouldn’t understand because math is hard for girls”.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        How to insult Julia without incurring any brayge: use the power of math!

        Example! “Julia! You look truly amazing! Like you were born in ln(e^1967) !!!”

        Note that those are exclamation points, not factorial signs.

        Alternatively, you could try “Julia, you look like you’re 19!.”

        Yeah, that one was a factorial.

  32. Donkeycam now! says:

    Bach. Lots and lots of Bach.
    [img]http://i41.tinypic.com/29ndrav.jpg[/img]

  33. CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

    May I comment on something totally off topic? I’m just heartbroken over the Jason Russell breakdown, Gawker’s insipid coverage mocking him and their commenter ilk rejoicing over a guy’s mental meltdown, a guy who is a parent and at least trying to do some good in the world. And I can’t begin on the TMZ coverage laughing and filming him instead of calling 911. What. Is. Wrong. With. Some. People?!

    I don’t mind when rich, entitled, famewhores get bad coverage. It looks like universal karma. But, when people attack those who are weak, vulnerable and/or have a good heart, I die a little inside. God forbid someone try to burst the apathy bubble or have a heart or want to make a difference. Let’s point and laugh.

    When a glamorous, rich person like Clooney takes time out of his life to try and help folks in the Sudan because he can actually see beyond himself and still cares about those who don’t have as much, or anything really, it’s gives me faith that we’re not all doomed. But then the Jason Russell coverage, or mocking, happens and I lose it all over again.

    • CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

      I should add that I’m an old Gawk commenter from years ago before Papa left us, the plantation lord fired Mama, all us kids grew up and moved out and they began using the old place to host cage matches for the illiterate commenterati to fight to the death.

    • Grammarian says:

      but there’s that whole part about invisible children being funded by the talibangelical hard christian right

      and also about who’s on the other side. here are the founders posing with the armed militia they prefer, holding weapons
      http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/blogpost/post/invisible-children-founders-posing-with-guns-an-interview-with-the-photographer/2012/03/08/gIQASX68yR_blog.html

      Q. What did you think of the Kony 2012 video?

      Gordon: I can’t bring myself to watch the video. I found all of their previous efforts to be emotionally manipulative, and all the things I try as a journalist not to be. After the peace talks in 2008, they put out another video, and I saw the footage used in these videos blending archival footage with LRA and SPLA and videos of them goofing off. It was the most irresponsible act of image-making that I’d seen in a long time. They conflated the SPLA with the LRA. The SPLA is a government army, holding weapons given by the government, and yet they did not create any division between them and LRA. That’s terrible.

      there are a lot of bad people in the world doing a lot of bad things. saddam hussein was one. but that war of all wars? that’s pretty much how i feel about this. as always, follow the money

      • CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

        If that’s true, it makes me feel better about the blowback about the video. Everything I read so far about it seemed kind of pointless criticism, such as it being too simplistic, etc. I like the idea behind it. I like the idea of someone caring about something beyond themselves and trying to do something about it. I love it when people ban together to make some little difference or stand up and say “not this one, you can’t hurt him.” In so many words, I like it when people care. When I saw the video, I knew nothing about the topic, but it inspired me. I was inspired and touched and wanted to help. I still do. I’m surrounded by pain and suffering. I can’t return a Redbox movie without my kid running into a homeless man and both of us wanting to help. Watching someone trying to help some of the millions of suffering all around us and even far away from us, rather than just trying to help themselves and promote themselves or worse help themselves at someone else’s expense, gave me hope.

        • Grammarian says:

          the criticism of the video is along these three lines

          1. they are naive and stupid and blundering but well intentioned but giving them your money is a waste, as their charity navigator scores are poor

          2. they are funded by the hard christian right and as such a dollar given to them supports the anti-gay and anti-woman efforts of what are hate organizations

          3. they are scamming scamming scamming scammers

          i have a theory of my own: they are useful idiots being manipulated by larger forces to stir up support for a war.

          the situation of child soldiers is a brutal tragedy, but it is also sort of old news in uganda. there are 25 other countries where it’s happening according to this

          http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/blogpost/post/child-soldiers-still-used-in-more-than-25-countries-around-the-world/2012/03/14/gIQAl2FNCS_blog.html

          my own .02 is that i don’t support organizations that are funded by or involved with hate groups and the hard right christian funding for this group is made of hate groups — people who supported proposition 8, james dobson, etc

          i think they want a war and they want it now

          http://boingboing.net/2012/03/12/kony-2012-invisible-children.html

          Over at Alternet, Bruce Wilson digs in to the sources of funding for the group behind “Kony 2012,” and discovers 990 IRS tax forms and yearly financial disclosure reports from the nonprofit and its major donors “tell a story that’s jarringly at odds with the secular, airbrushed, feelgood image” it has cultivated.

          The documents show that Invisible Children, Inc. received hundreds of thousands of dollars from the biggest financial backers of California’s anti-same-sex marriage Proposition 8, with links to James Dobson, The Family (see Jeff Sharlet’s excellent book on the subject), and ideologically similar Christian Right entities.

          • CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

            Hmm. But does receiving money from those groups mean that giving money to Invisible Children goes to the right? If the money is flowing in one direction, from the right among others to Invisible Children, how does giving to Invisible Children support the right?

          • Grammarian says:

            I don’t support organizations supported by people who spread hate

          • CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

            Doesn’t that have something to do with them trying to get bipartisan support? If they’re supported by both the right and the left, how does that make them bad?

          • NonSobriety says:

            “how does giving to Invisible Children support the right?”

            Only 30% of funds raised by IC goes to the actual cause. The rest goes to marketing the cause. If the right backs the cause and 70% of the money the cause raises backs the cause yada yada.

  34. ????? says:

    I don’t support extreme christianist bible thumpers who offer aid on the condition that you accePt their religion if u are starving and u want a meal

    • CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

      Are they extreme Christian bible thumpers? I don’t support those types either, but I haven’t seen the Christian side in any of their materials. It appears to be a secular 501(c)(3). If it’s not, then their marketing is misleading. Actually, the whole organization would be misleading if it’s just another “accept Jesus as your savior” front. But, seriously, I’ve seen that no where in IC, and I know a few things about groups like that. My folks did that sort of “mission work” all their lives, and I don’t agree with it. If this is that, then why don’t they say it. I haven’t known those types to hide it. Rather, they usually flaunt it and toss it into the face of anyone and everyone every chance they get regardless of the setting.

      • Grammarian says:

        they hide it intentionally

        http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/invisible-children-and-religious-right-what-s-deal

        Invisible Children and the Religious Right: What’s the Deal?
        Submitted by Josh Glasstetter on Fri, 03/16/2012 – 4:46pm

        Long before Kony 2012 became an Internet sensation, the film’s director, Jason Russell, was a hit with the Religious Right and the broader evangelical community. Russell, the founder of Invisible Children, has been lavished with praise on Pat Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network and on stage at Jerry Falwell’s university. Additionally, as Bruce Wilson has explored, Invisible Children has received substantial funding from extremely conservative Christian groups and foundations. Why?
        The reason is not that Invisible Children is part of the Religious Right – it’s not. And while it’s true that the organization and the Religious Right share some interests and enemies in Uganda and Sudan, that’s not the reason either.

        Instead it’s the religious basis of the organization. Russell first went to Africa as a child missionary and formed the organization as an alternative to traditional missionary organizations, whose model he found problematic. While Russell and his staff are careful to project a strictly secular brand, Russell has projected quite a different image when speaking to evangelical and Religious Right audiences.

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