Now CuckooPants is Tweeting Psalms

 

Wow, no wonder they’re fighting at Casa Baugher. In my fantasies, Britt has told her to get the fuck over herself for five fucking minutes.

I won’t even cut-and-paste the stupid psalm she is quoting all over Twitter. What a maroon. What’s interesting is this, however: She has to be in San Francisco by the end of next week for something she really, really wants to do for all sorts of JellyD-related, fame-junkie reasons. If Granny holds on, it will be fascinating to see if she’ll actually bail on the mindless, insignificant event or go anyway, regardless of her family situation.

Of course, she’s spewing all sorts of melodrama on her new blog, aka her Facebook page. The peasants from the -stans “like” these posts, after all!

For the last three days, I’ve been back home (unexpectedly) in Chicago with my family, because my beloved Grandmother is in the hospital.

She lived just two miles from me, so I grew up seeing her several times a week. She took me to ballet lessons and picked me up from high school and played tennis with me (even though I stunk). She knew every single one of my boyfriends. She took me to pick out my very first prom dress … a cherry red Jessica McClintock (oh, midwest, oh 1996). I could fill pages with her words and advice. I have one of her aphorisms tattooed on my left wrist: Let It Unfold.

None of this does her justice. I can’t even put it into words yet. I have never been faced with losing someone who meant this much to me.

Today she couldn’t talk very much, so I held her hand and played her Amazing Grace and Precious Lord on my iPhone. And Bach … lots and lots of Bach.

I don’t know how to process this, or what to think. Or what to do or say or feel. All I know is that it hurts.

And that my life is better for having had her in it.

 

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418 Responses to Now CuckooPants is Tweeting Psalms

  1. DSM V: JFA Edition says:

    aphorism? aphorism! really?

    • Bi-coastal Birthday Chicken (افغانی ) (AFGHANI) says:

      The Nutty Grandma aphorism I’ll always remember is her letter to the editor where she said (and I quote) “multiculturalism infringes on free speech”.

      A really deep thinker, that granny.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        What does that even mean? That politically correct speech is required while the non-white country club help is right there serving lunch to you & the other power moms of the Kenilworth Deballage?

        Damn, Granny …

        • Bi-coastal Birthday Chicken (افغانی ) (AFGHANI) says:

          I can’t believe she put something out there to be published for eternity. She had a couple other political letters published and, from what I remember, they all seemed like they’re going to look very ridiculous as the years roll by, kind of like people defending Jim Crow in the South or segregated schools, etc.

          I think someone accessed the letters from the library and posted a scanned copy once? Maybe I’ll search later. I remember reading the multicultural one and I had the same reaction I get to Julia’s comments on TMI, ie rage/canklehausen.

      • JFA says:

        Wait, what? What was her point? Sorry to speak ill of the dying too but…Granny always struck me as one of those withering glared mean old society ladies. I wonder if she thought momsers was not good enough for her dear son.

        • Jack the Bravo Bulldog says:

          Ditto. NGMB is emblematic of that dying breed of white women complaining about the negros serving their withered asses Thanksgiving Dinner at the OMG! university club. And people wonder where Julia’s man scheming juices and sense of entitlement came from? I’ve never understood the “she’s so cute” BS re Nutty Granny MoneyBags.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            I suppose you’re right. I wanted to think that she is indeed a crusty old bird who doesn’t mince words & calls it like she sees it, but w/ actual wisdom to impart, not bigotry.

            Geez, no telling what she’s said behind the back of her hand about Allie & the now ‘blended’ family.

          • Bi-coastal Birthday Chicken (افغانی ) (AFGHANI) says:

            I think of her like the Dowager Countess. Funny, not afraid to speak her mind, but if you get down the belief system underpinning everything, retrograde and offensive. Think of the dowager countess meeting Matthew and saying “weekends?” “work?” Or when Branson refuses to leave the room and asks to speak when Sybil announces her intention to marry him, Violet is all like “wait… you can speak?”

          • Jack the Bravo Bulldog says:

            I must be the only RBD reader who still hasn’t seen Downton and yet I got the Maggie Smith reference. How long can I hold out?

          • JFA says:

            She always scared the crap out of me. I never thought she was a cute cuddly old lady. I feel for Momsers for marrying into that family.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            I don’t know about you, JtB, but I can hold out indefinitely, thanks to the numerous spoilers 🙁

          • Skirt Pull says:

            NGMB has a gigantic oil painting of herself as a young woman over her mantle. Who does that? Ah yes, Julia Allison’s genetic source.

          • Effervescent Suppositories says:

            Just keep on holding out. Downton Abbey is like a James Cameron remake of “Upstairs Downstairs”. For glossy country house interbellum perfection there is always “Gosford Park”. If you want an Edwardian series with a no bullshit female lead and plenty of class straddling, go for “Duchess of Duke St”.

          • Kitler says:

            Ach. “Gosford Park.” Mein het gets dizzy vatching. I keep shouting “STOP MOVIN DER CAMERA VON’T YOU?!?”

          • Jack the Uber Bulldog says:

            What’s worse: Altman moving the camera or that goddamn slow zoom?

    • Not! Random! says:

      Live blogging a death. How fuck.

    • Authenticity Costume says:

      “tattooed on my LEFT wrist.” not to be confused with all those other tattoos you have…
      oh no..wait..you got one tattoo to impress a dude.
      nice try donks.

  2. DSM V: JFA Edition says:

    and this tweet:

    @juliaallison: I love online lectures (MIT/Stanford, etc), but am overwhelmed by the sheer number of them. Is there a site which ranks & reviews them?”

    seriously? she is a lazy and stupid donkey…

    • this looks like a Job for Bob.

    • Bi-coastal Birthday Chicken (افغانی ) (AFGHANI) says:

      What are you implying? That she’s not authentically curious about the world around her?

    • CDB says:

      Dear DSM
      This tweet has been posted two or three times before and there has been many discussions about it including one in which we concluded it was posted because her brother was explaining his nano technology thesis. In deference to JAs grandmother we will not be showing any violence on the RBD today. So please be careful when you post something so old. Thats all Thanks [img]http://i1231.photobucket.com/albums/ee516/bobbaer1/angry_cat_horror_scary_terror_stare-1.jpg[/img]

      • ks says:

        Yeah. I’m gonna stop holding my tongue on this and fly my ambassador flag.

        This is not reddit. This is not a gigantifuck board. This is a small, intimate group of maybe 400 people, maybe 50 regular commenters. Just because someone failed to read every. single. fucking. comment. every. day like the most hardcore of us doesn’t mean they should be singled out like a n00b and symbolically murdered.

        It kills me to think that someone might have an interesting tweet or tidbit that they DIDN’T post because OMG, it *might* have been posted before and they didn’t want to have to face the wrath of RBD’s self appointed sheriff and executioner.

        If you really want to HELP, Bob, you could post a fucking LINK to the original comment, so the “offender” (and anyone else interested) could go and see what the community originally said about the tweet.

        One of RBD’s primary functions is to point out how self-involved and awful Julia’s narcissistic behavior is. We aren’t setting a very good counter-example by saying “YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT COMMENT BEFORE? YOU ARE FUCKING DUMB BECAUSE *I* DID. GO TO HELL STUPID NOOB”.

        I’ll end by saying, I hit F5 on this page well over 100 times a day. I read everything you guys say. I never saw any discussion of the tweet DSM pasted, (I would notice the word “nano”) and I would like to.

        In the pre-CDB days, when a dupe comment was posted, we just ignored it, or someone pointed out where it was discussed before, OR maybe, we discussed it all over again. THERE’S PLENTY OF SPACE HERE AND IT’S FREE ELECTRONS.

        This is a good time to use the “Like” button if you want to anonymously agree with what I’ve said.

        • I honestly doubt we’re missing any late breaking Julia Allison news because someone is too panties-bunched to post something. If someone’s THAT SKEERT of an animated gif maybe they need to go back to the Little House on the Non-Broadband-Enabled Prairie.

          It’s just a joke, lighten up, sheesh.

          • solidarity cat says:

            It’s just a little friendly ribbing and an excuse to post pictures of hilarious homicidal cats is the way I’ve always seen it.

          • CDB says:

            yes its a joke .. I am not serious at all. I will however take your advice and post the link if I feel like it .

        • Helena (Had To Bring Her Own Fish) says:

          I’ve always thought CDB’s posts involving good old ultra-violence were meant as a joke. When I see them, I chuckle, and it never occurred to me that the recipients of Bob’s AK action would react differently. I could be wrong, of course, math is hard.

          • Flyingdonkeycopter says:

            Agreed. I always get a little chuckle out of them.

          • ks says:

            It has nothing to do with the actual gifs or implications of violence. I would never ask CDB to stop posting his cat gifs. It’s the instant shutting down of a thread because it may have been discussed on yesterday’s post. I love this site and want to see more chatter, not less.

            If something is interesting, let it be interesting and discussed twice, what’s the big fucking deal? If people already said what they wanted to say, they’ll ignore it and move on.

          • Helena (Had To Bring Her Own Fish) says:

            I hear you, but to be honest I never read CDB’s AK comments as actual, serious recommendations as to what can or cannot be talked about, regardless of whether it has already been brought up. I never thought that anyone, least of all CDB, was really bothered by the same subject being raised and discussed more than once.

          • Helena (Had To Bring Her Own Fish) says:

            But I can see how especially newbies might be intimidated by them, yes.

        • WP says:

          Feel free to calm down, K[S]evin. Don’t you have some bills to monogram?

        • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

          I’m gonna side with KS here. The joke was funny at first, but it’s stale now, and not everyone reads every word on here. Hell, I’ve barely had the time to catch up in the last week. Sometimes the joke seems mean and insidery. Sorry, Bob.

          • Gawd, Dad! Such a partypooper

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            I’m hard-pressed to find humor in brains being blown out, too close to home, but that’s not why I’d be fine w/ those gifs going away …

            I’m w/ KS & JP on this one for the reasons they’ve already stated, because we may be running off some very entertaining newcomers.

            And tawk about stale? Gawd, do I wish the next person to post FIRST!!!!1!!! to get a little well-deserved time out.

            #mrow!

          • AFGHANI says:

            “First111!!11” made more sense when there were 3 posts a day and lots of updates on NonBusiness, TV appearances, and boyfriends. Right now, Julia doesn’t make TV news appearances, hasn’t had a boyfriend in about a year, and doesn’t have a “”business””.

            It was time to let first-ing die, regardless of the AR-15.

          • One Fat Melman says:

            Agreed. I teach middle school and love to catch up on my RBD after particularly long days, but I don’t have nearly enough time to read every post. Cut us all some slack and post the gifs when referencing Julesy, and not other commenters.

        • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

          OMG it’s a joke, KS, and a hilarious one at that. Jeez, lighten up.

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

          USA! USA!

        • Smooshed Macaroons says:

          Normally, KS drives me up a wall…but, I’m actually with her (him?) on this one…I don’t read every post of every thread, and so sometimes I don’t know if something is already posted. But people jump down throats the second someone dupe posts – its getting old.

        • JFA says:

          On the other side…I do get annoyed sometimes that I take the time out to read most of the comments, or at least skim, and people mosey on in and post something that has been discussed to death. It’s kinda dickish in its own right. That’s just my dumb opinion.

          • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

            There have been very few times when something was brought up multiple times to the point that it annoyed me. And frankly, we don’t post with as much frequency as we used to and we don’t post about every single happening on Donkeyland, so discuss away for all I care. I got the joke. But the joke got stale.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            I’d rather find the existing convo & chime in there than start a new dupe one, so I CTRL-f the current & last one or two posts to search out first — not fail-proof, but it only takes a few secs.

          • CDB says:

            You all will notice that I have been treading lightly with the cat and not really focused on it. But My Mom ( Stalker ) told me to do it. Are you all asking me to ignore my mom?
            But I will bend to your wishes and be more servicey as not to scare off the newbies. I will also post links, when i feel like it. Besos to all

          • ks says:

            @CDB

            I apologize for singling you out in my rant about a site issue. Most of the time, as you mentioned, you were paged by others. Yelling at you for AK Kitty is like yelling at Dr Gary for making too many Vicodin sandwiches upon request. I am no longer in the anger stage of grief. Can I request an adorable cat picture with a self-deprecating caption?

          • CDB says:

            No you may not. I am in the anger stage of grief now .[img]http://i283.photobucket.com/albums/kk310/Hidden_Anbu/eyestealercat.jpg[/img]

        • CDB says:

          KS

          It was two posts ago Dr Gary actually mentioned it at about 1 pm

          but then …. We were all distracted by the return of RRR.

          Donkey of Perdition says:
          March 14, 2012 at 8:30 am
          I love the juxtaposition of these tweets:
          Julia Allison ‏ @JuliaAllison
          I love online lectures (MIT/Stanford, etc), but am overwhelmed by the sheer number of them. Is there a site which ranks & reviews them?

          Julia Allison ‏ @JuliaAllison
          My brother spent the last hour explaining his MIT phd dissertation, “Graphene Nano Electro Mechanical Resonators.” I feel stupid.

          Transbaraytion: Dadser I’m tots smart too, I’m taking online lectures at MIT, it’s like a 4 hour P.hd .

          20 likes

          Reply
          Jacy “Donk” LaRue says:
          March 14, 2012 at 8:36 am
          OMG, you are so correct.

      • DSM-V: JFA Edition says:

        My panties not in a twist. I get a kick out of Rambo cat typically. And, while certainly not a newb! I may occasionally repeat something previously discussed. Let he whO is without sin pay for the bday venue…

  3. Occupy Donkeytown says:

    She played tennis with ME! She drove ME in a car! She helped pick out a dress for ME!

    “None of this does her justice.”

    No shit, weirdo.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Seriously, did she mention a single thing about the woman that is unrelated to a donkey? Anything? One word?

      • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

        i’m fascinated to know how momser is dealing with all of this. woman doesn’t talk to you forever, but she’s still your husband’s mom and grandma to your kids. but can you be supportive when someone has basically ignored you as ngmb apparently has?

        and donk’s loyalty to numb must have a lot to do with the mb part of the equation. if my grandmother treated my mom like shit, she wouldn’t be my beloved grandmother that’s for sure. momser must feel like no one has her back. not her husband. not her kids. such a sad family on so many levels

        • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

          numb = ngmb… autocorrect…

        • Wonkeye says:

          My mom’s mom hated her guts and treated her terribly, therefore, I always loathed the old bitch, even though she was nice enough to me. Jaba has no sense of loyalty to others because she doesn’t give a shit about anyone but herself (and her wallet).

          • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

            So true, my husband’s mom was treated terribly by her mother and all I ever saw was a sweet old lady. But he couldn’t stand the old bag (no offense Handbag).

          • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

            None taken, Ass Baugher. I know the truth about my kind.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            My mother’s a shithead to me and my kids do not like it one bit. They get very protective of me when she’s flying her cunt flag and will totally smack her down.

          • idiotbox says:

            Jacy has kidS? plural? Wow. Wouldn’t want to mess with your kids!

            Actually, I wouldn’t want to mess with anyone’s kids.

        • zininator says:

          My paternal grandmother was always very icy to my mother but very kind and dear to me. I dont think it was disloyal of me to become extremely close with my grandma just because she didn’t like my mom. My mom was a hard person to get along with and fundamentally very very different from my gran.

          • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

            Who said it’s disloyal of YOU?

            So tired of people internalizing the snark.

          • LickedRandisCake says:

            Why is it that every time someone disagrees with a particular rag on JA, that they are “internalizing the snark” rather than just disagreeing because maybe they’ve had a life experience which allows them to see it from a different perspective than the snarkers?

            I’m very curious about this…..

          • Industrial Sized Nostril says:

            @LRC

            Julia has no redeeming qualities as a human being. So if we attack her for doing X, you shouldn’t think that you too are a horrible person with no redeeming qualities just because you also do X.

          • fig says:

            I think it’s laziness. Instead of considering we have gone a little crazy with the Julia critique (Julia: I ate an apple. RBD: You bitch!!) we make it about the person who points it out.

      • Effervescent Suppositories says:

        …. nothing about her father either. It’s HIS MOTHER Julia.

    • JFA says:

      EXACTLY. Everything Julia Allison says or does is about Julia Allison.

      Also, tennis! Bach! Ballet lessons! So cultured, those Baughers! Yet she’s still such a tacky hick!

  4. Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

    “She knew every one of MY boyfriends.”

    It really is always about you, isn’t it, you sick fucking monster?

  5. Meow_Mix says:

    Me me me me me me MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

    Not, “Granny grew up during such an interesting time. She met my grandpa and raised two great kids. She has so many interests and has had a rich, vibrant life.”

    Nope! She took MEEEE prom dress shopping! Let me proceed to tell you about MY prom dress! She took ME to play tennis! Let me proceed to tell you about MY tennis skills! Did you hear what a good granddaughter IIIIIII am? I played her music on MY iphone! Bach, because we’re rich and classy! MYYYYYYY life is better for having her in it!

    I try not to judge people when they grieve, but her narcissism is astounding. There is nothing: no tragedy, no life event of another person, that she’ll not twist around to be all about her. (See also: “I was inside”).

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      She lived just two miles from me (even though I stunk), so I grew up seeing her several times a week (even though I stunk). She took me to ballet lessons (even though I stunk) and picked me up from high school and played tennis with me (even though I stunk). She knew every single one of my boyfriends (I had boyfriends, even though I stunk!). She took me to pick out my very first prom dress (even though I stunk) … I could fill pages with her words and advice (even though I stink at writing).

    • JFA says:

      The Bach thing is giving me the rages. We didn’t need to know that detail, brag-hag. Fuck you. The lengths to which she goes to prove how her family is obviously moneyed is so crass.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        Indeed. Someone trying to brag says “BACH!!!” Someone who actually likes Bach says “BWV 999”. Transparently tacky Donkey is transparently tacky.

      • Donkey of Perdition says:

        No. Classical music is not indica of wealth but of good taste; saying otherwise implies that the poors/browns are incapable of good taste.

        • Donkey of Perdition says:

          Sorry I’m drink. I just meant that alot of people like classical music and trying to shoehorn people because of their music choice is not a good criticism (excluding playing funeral music to a living person)

        • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

          That’s an interesting distinction and yes, it is a question of taste rather than wealth. It’s why you see so many Asian-American children of struggling immigrant parents learning to play classical piano and violin.

          But no doubt Donkey thinks taste = money and so Bach = wealth. I think she utilizes very few social status markers but a lot of wealth markers (the YSL hoof cladding, rented Mercedes cars, University Club, etc.). This is one of the few times she’s attempted at intimating less directly that her family has money.

      • Jack the Uber Bulldog says:

        I get a kick outta the culturally ilit hick (see what I did there?) trying to put on airs. Trust, Donkey wouldn’t be able to i.d. any well known line from Dickens or Twain or Austin or … much less make the distinction between Bach and Beethoven. You’re dumb, dumb, dumb, my little burro, and not fooling a soul. Jacy and JP know you better than you know yourself.

    • fauxtoshoot says:

      Exactly! When writing a post about potentially losing someone near and dear to you, how do you manage to completely omit any details about that person!? The level of narcissism and lack of self-awareness is horrifying.

      • Donkeycam now! says:

        If the opportunity to play music on my deathbed ever arises, please use some decent speakers.

        IPhone music??? I couldn’t die soon enough!

        • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

          She probably had granny hooked up with headphones so she wouldn’t have to hear it.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          Yeah, I don’t have an iPhone, but I wondered about the sound quality from something so small … then again, I don’t really believe though that Donkey would relinquish possession of her phone for any length of time either & passively sit back, letting music play & keeping her fat yap shut so that anyone could actually hear it instead of her.

        • maid of dishonor says:

          fun fact that I just learned recently: you can stick the iPhone/whatever in a glass and the glass’ll amplify it.

          • ks says:

            You omitted the fact the glass needs to be full of water. I saw this on Mythbusters.

            You hear that Julia? Fill a drinking glass with water, press “Play”. Submerge iPhone 4-S in glass. Don’t worry, it’s water proof. The “S” is for “Sooo Waterproof you can totally _S_ubmerge it”. Instant Jambox!

          • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

            I just demonstrated this for my family and they were IMPRESSED. Thanks!

          • ThreeBlondesDown says:

            You can also put an iPhone in your bathroom sink (obviously when it’s dry) and it’s better than using an iPhone dock for jamming out in the shower.

        • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

          Excuse me, People!! Donkey Albertson can’t be stilling around reading the Bible all day, Okay? She has important things to do. So, here granny, play with her Iphone while she updates her twitter, okay?

  6. K_Swizz (is a Narcissistic Sparklefart ) says:

    “My life is better for having had her in it.”

    Um, isn’t it rude to refer to still-living persons in the past tense?

    • Donkey of Perdition says:

      I’ve held some shitty jobs in my life, during college I worked the night shift in a funeral home (I could study during work because it was always dead quiet, nyuck nyuck). No seriously though, I’ve seen it all — from fisticuffs to people stealing from the donation box. I eventually came to the conclusion that alot of people simply don’t know how to deal with death or the “correct” way of acting. So I don’t fault people when they are a bit melodramatic during the grieving process.

      However, in all my years, I’ve never seen someone play traditional funeral music while the person was still breathing.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhGuhfBk5xk

      PRECIOUS LORD
      “Precious Lord, take my hand
      Lead me on, let me stand
      I’m tired, I’m weak, I’m lone
      Through the storm, through the night
      Lead me on to the light
      Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home”

      Can you imagine if Granny has an ounce of consciousness left and she hears Donkey playing funeral music for her. I’d be like bitch, I’m not even dead yet and I still might pull through, thanks for the vote of confidence.

      She is truly and utterly demonic.

      • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

        It’s going to be hilarious if somehow Granny pulls through and Julia has to stop acting like a professional Sicilian mourner.

      • fail whale says:

        this is exactly what i was coming to post!! if i was lying in the hospital, unable to talk, and someone was playing Amazing Grace?!?! Aw Hell Naw. That’s like being at your own funeral! If I were her, I’d be pulling down the IV rack, anything to get me out of there.

      • The Final Rose says:

        I am still trying to get over this. WHY IS SHE PLAYING FUNERAL MUSIC FOR SOMEONE WHO IS STILL ALIVE??

        I’m trying to imagine myself playing “Amazing Grace” at my dad’s deathbed. I’d like to think he would have found some deep reserve of strength to smack the phone out of my hands, and then most likely smack me.

        I’m probably internalizing here, but this is just about the most vile thing she’s ever done in my book.

        • zandra says:

          Q. I am still trying to get over this. WHY IS SHE PLAYING FUNERAL MUSIC FOR SOMEONE WHO IS STILL ALIVE??

          A. BECAUSE SHE IS A CUNT.

          • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

            TRANSBRAYTION: Giddy up, Grammy, Donkey gotta get to her Jelly Doooooooooooonut!

  7. Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

    Also if Granny is still hanging on when Julia has to jet to SF for more JellyD grifter/desperate action, she will snap out of “grief mode” like a fucking robot and be on a plane probably without even shedding a tear.

    That is if she doesn’t pull the plug herself.

    • Effervescent Suppositories says:

      Poor Granny, her death is all about Julia. I’ve seen my share of fucked up relatives pulling the focus at somebody else’s death. Childish is what it is.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      I’m going to lol so hard if Donkey posts anything about whether assisted suicide is advisable to cut short the prolonged agony of the dying person’s last days [for Julia Allison, who is busy and needs to get started with the angel investing].

  8. Scooby Don't says:

    Dough, the money I’m going to get.
    Del Rey, the place I’ve left my pet
    Me, the person this is all about
    Fa to the rules I always flout.
    Which will bring us back to me, me, me , me , me!

  9. featherbrained says:

    I can’t read tweets at work. What was the tweet re: fighting at Casa Baugher.

    To Add: My father died without warning, no illness, no signs. Dropped dead. He was 65 (I am a year older than Jules). This took place 1.5 years ago. I’ve yet to share any of my thoughts on FB or twitter or whatever because I don’t want cyber empathy etc. I want to process this event in private with my loved ones and close friends. I don’t get the donkey. Oh honey….you are the height of tacky.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Julia Allison And of course mere hours after I post about how nice it is to have “family time,” we get into a fight. Arghhhhh (slams head against wall)

      Slam, Donkey, slam. Now slam harder!

      I’m sorry about your father. I hope you are at peace w/ his passing.

      • featherbrained says:

        OH I am. He lived a full life and is the source of much enrichment in my life.

        Now, reading Julia’s tweets I’d say it’s unnecessary for her to point this out. ALL FAMILIES get stressed and maybe argue/fight around times of family deaths and other tragedies. Wow, Julia, your family is normal/typical!

      • Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

        Yeah I’m assuming her brother (enough with this “little” shit – he’s more of an adult than Julia is and has been for years) told her to shut the fuck up and put away the pink iPhone.

        Julia must just be impossible right now.

        • featherbrained says:

          Probably, this! I wonder about her father too…I’ve always thought he monitors her online activity pretty closely.

          • ICrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

            I’m with Wet Cake on this one. While her parents may or may not be aware of what she’s currently posting/tweeting, I doubt either one of them would point out to her how ghoulish and inappropriate her behavior is.
            According to the article her father published on HuffPost (or was it the Chicago Trib?), he appears to believe the “Julia” problem is the internet’s lack of adoration for his precious daughter, not her jaw-dropping faux pas and indiscretions.
            The “little” brother (such an annoying and unnecessary diminutive) seems to be the only one in that family who’s not wildly delusional or mentally ill or drugged up or whatever the hell else might be going on.

          • Bi-coastal Birthday Chicken (افغانی ) (AFGHANI) says:

            In videos, her brother is always pretty dismissive/hostile towards Julia. Often looks embarassed by her. And, of course, he married a woman who seems the opposite of Julia. Is there a bigger repudiation than that? Especially since marriage is such a big #omg issue for LeDonk.

      • KashMoney says:

        i think what’s going on is that only a moron-psychopath would regard a family gathered to wait for someone to pass as “family time”. only a being incapable of human emotion would see it as “nice”.

        i bet donkey-dollars that JAB said something to the effect of “well, at least we get family-time” and the backlash was immediate and violently negative. she’s “banging her head against the wall” since, in her mind, “she didn’t mean it like that”.

        what JAB doesn’t get isn’t that she’s “misunderstood”. it’s that she’s understood perfectly and is totally VILE.

    • JFA says:

      THIS TIMES A MILLION.

  10. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

    She has to be in San Francisco by the end of next week for something she really, really wants to do for all sorts of JellyD-related, fame-junkie reasons. If Granny holds on, it will be fascinating to see if she’ll actually bail on the mindless, insignificant event or go anyway, regardless of her family situation.

    Julia Allison I wish the circumstances that brought us together were different, but mom, dad, bro & I are all under the same roof for a week. It’s nice.

    “for a week”

    Seems pretty evident to me …

  11. juliapublicist says:

    You know, I was going to give her a pass, because losing someone you care about is hard. Then I remembered that losing someone you care about has never been as hard for anyone as it has been for Julia Allison. Gramsers had a full, priveleged life. Chill the fuck out, you muppet-faced, melodramatic maniac.

    • LetItExplode says:

      Is there any chance the cameras are still rolling?

      • ks says:

        Ugh, you just made me visualize Julia, hovering in the hospice room, shoving her fucking iPhone into her grandma’s face saying “ANY LAST WORDS?”

        • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

          “It was 54 right, 10 left, and then what, Grandmother? THEN WHAT?!?”

          • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

            Sometimes you kittehs say things that make me laugh so hard, pressing the like button isn’t enough.
            Handbag, this was brilliant.

  12. Joardache & the Pelts says:

    “And Bach…lots and lots of Bach”… I’m going to be throwing this around in casual conversation when I have nothing interesting, sincere or relevant to say. sorry friends, coworkers, and classmates I’m gonna be annoying.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      Please do. Our extended family was joined (many years ago now) by a young man who was very fanciful about his employment history. When I was asked news of the couple I would answer, “Oh, she’s fine, but you know how it is with him: day in and day out SPY SPY SPY.”

      “And Bach . . . lots and lots of Bach.” I suspect Mr. Handbag is going to be hearing that for some time to come.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        RELATED: I think I mentioned recently that our two cats & one dog, all females, now get scolded with: “Calm DOWN, Kevin!”

        • Jordache and the Pelts says:

          I’m so using We Need to Talk about.. Kevin these days in casual conversation. It’s rich and confusing and so apt for so many scenarios and everyday situations. I love you guys!

    • make sure you get real gutteral and spitty with the “ch” or it’s just tacky.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Hey, back off, haters! Are you forgetting she’s trying to permanently bag a musician!??!??!! Don’t you think he needs to know that she is all about the OMG MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC OMG as her Granny lies dying????

      Granny wants her to settle down, after all! She wouldn’t object!

      • Fashion Girl says:

        Poor Granny is lucky that Julie wasn’t playing “We Are Young” on repeat. “Grandmother, this song is the FUTURE. No, Grandmother, no, I will not play you any Glenn Miller. Please stop talking about the time you saw him. You already told that story. You need to LISTEN because this song is very important to me.”

        On the Bach front, I hope she was shying away from the funeral dirge end of the spectrum.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Cantata 156′ “Ich steh’ mit einem Fuss in Grabe,” maybe?

          Just to remind GMB that Donkerina has places to go, jelly donuts to see…

        • Jordache and the Pelts says:

          Donkeys may graze in pastures safely. TheBaughet Variations.

          • Joardache & the Pelts says:

            Yikes “The Baugher Varitaions” was on my mobile and my fingers are clumsy.

      • Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

        Yeah but at this point Granny would be content for her to marry an orderly’s son…

      • Jordache and the Pelts says:

        Ya and Julia was pianist ballerina savant prodigy according to lore…”and also Bach ( hard pretentious c)” is my new ecetera and howfuk. Julia could be so camp if she didn’t take herself so seriously and tromp like a donk.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          I’ll have you know, “ess-uh-tara” is stuck in my head now.

      • Already Pantless says:

        Don’t you mean BACH off? heh.

    • JFA says:

      That expression should really join the Donkey lexicon hall of fame in these parts.

      • oprahlovedme says:

        Knottinghill….” drink tea, lots of tea” because juliar thinks she is julia. Blech.

  13. Edward R. Burro says:

    God, you haters! Feel free to relax! She’s still trying to process, okay? Her thoughts and feelings and words and actions are in the queue.

  14. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    It’s not enough the woman is hospitalized and facing her mortality, she has to listen to music on a damn PHONE?

    • Bi-coastal Birthday Chicken (افغانی ) (AFGHANI) says:

      No dignity, none whatsoever. #sad #ad

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Karma is getting her back for forcing Pettifogger and Aunt Vicky to listen to church music every Sunday morning (per that weird misogynist doctor column we talked about a couple of posts back).

    • ks says:

      The phone part I could tolerate. It’s Julia’s library of music that would make me yank the plug out myself. This is a woman that listens to Disney soundtracks, tween pop, and wakes up to “eye of the tiger”.

  15. chetbizzaro says:

    She is like a female Kenny Powers.

  16. Donk, Donk. Who's There? says:

    Me me me meeeeeee what she did for me meeee ME!!!
    Is she fucking for real?
    Don’t answer. Never mind.

  17. Helena (Had To Bring Her Own Fish) says:

    OT, a report from one of those accidental worlds colliding moments: I just said “There, there, bunnies. All shall be well” in a message to three friends who, as I realized after the fact, are completely unaware of the Donkey / RBD universe and to my knowledge, have never been addressed as “bunnies” in their lives. The reaction could be interesting to observe, especially in case of one of them, a melancholic man’s man with an alcohol problem.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      I want to hear more about these friends of yours. I’m very much enjoying picturing a melancholic man’s man with an alcohol problem as an actual bunny.

      • Onocentaur says:

        [img]http://giggledaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/drunk-bunny-480×300.jpg[/img]

      • Helena (Had To Bring Her Own Fish) says:

        Heh, yeah, the other two are females, so they might take the “bunnies” part more easily. As for the man’s man, I’ve known him (mostly online) for years, but I wouldn’t have called him a “friend” until a couple of months ago. In fact, I used to think he was a huge asshole. Now I see he’s actually quite a bunny.

        The other day I had a fairly long drunk IM conversation with him, well, he was drunk, as he informed me about 20 minutes into the conversation, I was painfully sober; it was noon here, which I guess translates into 3 AM in California where he lives. He was pretty coherent and typed well, so I think his state manifested by a heightened level of sensitivity and all sorts of talk about how he feels “shut out” from the very group of friends in question, and “uncomfortable” because we’re too polite to him, and how I and one of the other “bunnies” should be more “assertive” or whatever, and that we are actually “[his] mind and [his] best advice.” It was all sorts of weird, but sort of endearing. Well, mostly drunk. I’m still processing!

        One more conversation like that and I’ll tell him “feel free to relax” before I know it.

      • Edward R. Burro says:

        I’m now picturing Ernest Hemingway in a bunny costume.

        • WP says:

          [img]http://i41.tinypic.com/zbvk6.jpg[/img]

          • Edward R. Burro says:

            WP, you are a genius!

          • Helena (Had To Bring Her Own Fish) says:

            Fabulous, WP.

            BTW, my line about bunnies seems to have been met with stunned silence ™ from Melancholic Man’s Man. He may be vomming in the shower for all I know. The girls have responded, apparently undisturbed, so there’s that.

  18. Delurked says:

    slightly OT but i need some input – my best friend from college/my NY life’s father passed away last night after a very sudden and intense bout with lung cancer (he was only diagnosed a month ago). i am going to CT where she is w/ her family this weekend, and although this is certainly not the first time a close friend of mine has lost a family member, it’s the first time it’s a friend who i didn’t grow up with, aka i’m as comfortable in their house as i am in my own, know their family extremely well, etc etc – so i’m actually a little nervous. to my fellow catladies who have experience losing a parent, especially at a relatively young age (the siblings range from 22-30), any advice? is there anything that you think i should bring? i know they will have tons of food from other people so i’m trying to think outside the box to things that they will need or want but won’t want to have to go get…any input is much appreciated.

    oh and julia can go fuck herself. i sincerely hope their “fight” was Britt putting her in her place.

    • CDB says:

      bring Bach, lots and its of Bach ( sorry couldn’t resist… slinks off to basement to self flagellate)

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Whether you know it or not, just the fact that you take time out of your own busy life & go to the trouble / expense to be there for your friend is very much a comfort to loved ones of the decease, at least that’s been my experience when my parents & a brother passed.

      One suggestion I can think of is that, if they have cats, befriend the cats, & if they have dogs, get a leash & take ’em for long walks away from all the commotion. If I told you what a dog of mine did while my house was full of people from out-of-town & daily routine had gone out the window, I’d pretty much guarantee outing my identity, but trust me when I say, it’s upheaval on the pets too & yet they’re so easily overlooked during this time.

      • Donkey of Perdition says:

        Play with the kids too, keep them occupied, they can be a fucking trainwreck during funerals.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          Good point! Kids can be such an icebreaker & relief when everyone else is down in the dumps ’til they hear kids laughing & remember that life goes on.

          • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

            This reminds me of the final scene in Nights of Cabiria, where her man left her in such a terrible way and she was ready to give up, but then she sees children playing music in the street and it reminds her of all the hope and promise ahead.

            Anyway, you must watch:
            http://youtu.be/XiDFWGoCfy8

    • Donkey of Perdition says:

      Bring a joint or two. Most importantly, help them clean up after the wake.

      • Leigh says:

        Perhaps a small peace lily? I also carry xanax and sleeping pills in case anyone needs help relaxing and resting. Also, a flask of nice bourbon. Something for everyone.

    • bitchface says:

      pretty much – stay out of the way, don’t get sucked into any fights, take anyone who’s about to explode for a “walk” or ask them to go to the store with you, help clean up/be a good guest, and basically just listen.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Another thing, Delurked … look for whomever among those gathered at the house is unable to get around very well & try to do for them what you can (be an arm to lean on when they need to go into another room; offer to bring ’em a plate of food; so on, if they’ll let ya) … some people who absolutely will not ask for help but will accept it when offered otherwise sit miserably until time to go because they think they’re too much trouble.

    • Not! Random! says:

      If there are going to be out of towners coming in for the funeral, they may need lots of help coordinating rides, pick-ups, directions, etc. You could bring copies of maps of the local area and perhaps business cards with your cellphone so that you can hand it out to visitors who might need rides.

    • Delurked says:

      thank you everyone! all very helpful. god, i love you all.

      • I Heart Bob says:

        When my friend’s mom passed I spent days at their house, tried to wash as many dishes as I could. If this is comfortable for you [and them] just offer to do small things–loved the dog walking idea–and if they are cool with it, then jump in!

        Peace to you.

    • zininator says:

      We lost my Gramps last year and the most helpful visitor we had did the dishes without asking and that was awesome. Just don’t ask “what can I do?” because that’s a frustrating question to answer. Just fill in the cracks as you see them form.

      • zandra says:

        Exactly – asking them what you can do is poor form because they’ll feel awkward asking you to help.

    • fig says:

      At my grandfathers funeral I brought lots of small packs of tissues and breath mints, because from all the crying and sitting around having coffee and tea we all got dry mouths and horrible breath. Mints helped.

      And I second the suggestion to help out with the kids.

      • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

        Sometimes having an available Rx helps too. When my friend’s father died, we went to the bathroom after the funeral service, before the cemetary, and she started crying in a way I had never seen her cry. She said this was harder than her mother’s death and she didn’t know why. I just hugged her and told her because no matter how old you get, losing your parents makes you feel like an orphan. Then I gave her a xanax. It helped.

    • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

      dudebrah’s grandmother died just before Christmas, and his family members repeatedly expressed appreciation for me just being a good listener — especially for his grandfather, who has just lost his partner of over 70 years. I didn’t have a bunch of stories to share (while I knew and liked his grandma, I had only known her a few years), so I just held people’s hands and let them talk, listened attentively, and asked questions.

      People really want to express and mull over their memories, and a fresh person to share them with — who isn’t also caught up in expressing their own grief — can be a very soothing thing. Just being a sounding board, you know?

      Also, +1 on those who said help out with little things like dishes/clean up/store runs. It makes one less thing that those in deep mourning have to concern themselves with.

    • Already Pantless says:

      Good grief, you sad jealous haters are making me tear up. These are such thoughtful, kind and considerate actions. It does the heart good to know that there is true compassion in the world.

      Unrelated: I’ve spent the past couple of weeks designing materials for an Easter performance of a piece by OMG Bach, so a whole new meme about him on RBNS tickles me to no end.

  19. bitchface says:

    this story crossed my fecesbook/twatter path a few times yesterday:

    http://pilotsnpaws.org/2012/03/dying-man-wishes-to-be-with-pet-during-last-dayswtae-news4-pittsburgh/

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Oh, now I’m blubbering like a baby. I love that people made his wish come true, & it’s for the dog too (I think).

  20. Scooby Don't says:

    Every time I see the picture accompanying this post I think of Bat Boy.
    [img]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/73/Bat_Boy.PNG[/img]

  21. My company worked with Julia Allison -- NEVER AGAIN says:

    What she’s doing here seems pretty transparent to me: She’s building the illusion that she’s “already worked through the five stages of grief” so she can split for SF when she needs to, no questions asked. Some lines she will use:

    “I didn’t want to remember my grandmother as a weak, frail, dying woman — and she didn’t want me to see her like that. She urged me to go to San Francisco, to pursue this dream, and as my tacky tattooed aphorism reads, ‘Let it unfold’. I had no choice but to honor her last request. What better tribute to a woman who so fearlessly approached life than to throw off the shackles of my grief and choose life, too. I love you, grandmother, and I’m so glad my last memory is of your smiling face and bright eyes.”

    Blah blah blah. You don’t think it was an accident that she posted about already being in the anger stage yesterday, do you? She’s outta there when she needs to chase her new wallet, whether the woman has popped her clogs or not.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      You are very bright and awesome.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      That is terrifying and almost certainly spot-on.

    • مهنا الحبيل says:

      She believes there is a “pull the plug and slice the pie” stage and she has reached it.

      • WP says:

        Just wait ’til she finds out how long probate takes. Donkey needs a new pair of noses!

        • Prof. F Camping says:

          reminds me of The Beautiful and Damned, which I just finished reading. useless layabouts Anthony and Gloria just waiting for Anthony’s grandfather to die and blowing what little money they have, then waiting years more while they contest the will, going mad in the process.

          • WP says:

            I love Fitzgerald. He nailed Donkey with this line from Bernice Bobs Her Hair:

            “The more parts of yourself you can afford to forget, the more charm you have.”

            Hear that, Donkey? The hyper- self-awareness nixes any chance you ever had of being charming.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            Too much of Dad$er’s money has been unwisely invested in reconstructed body parts, no way can Donkey afford to forget.

          • Leigh says:

            What a fabulous book! I need to pull it off the shelf and read again!

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Well, the “damned” part, sure.

    • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

      “I love you, grandmother, and I’m so glad my your last memory is of your my smiling face and bright eyes.””

    • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

      Man. That comment was eerily perfect.

      Isn’t that basically what she said with gramps when he died? That her family approved of her bailing to hang with Wandi, since grampy was, like, totally out of it and stuff anyway?

    • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

      Donkey’s actual statement will have many more “me”s and “mine”s.

  22. Skirt Pull says:

    ME ME ME ME ME. Here are all the ways in which Grandmother was important to ME and did things for ME. All fine and good, but why not talk about HER? What SHE did in her life, the children she raised, the interests she pursued. Makes me so angry.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Yeah. If GMB’$ did anything besides marry well & preserve antiquated tennis skirts, I for one would be interested in hearing about it.

  23. WP says:

    I’ve been trying to wean myself off this shitshow, but when her fans in the ‘stans ‘liked’ her dying grandma status, it pushed me back over the edge.

    [img]http://i44.tinypic.com/nsw9w.jpg[/img]

    • WP says:

      Clarification: Jules’ shadiness bothers me. The likers didn’t know what her status said in the first place. Or they’ve been reading Granny’s letters to the editor.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        Or they’ve been reading Granny’s letters to the editor.

        #COTD

        Don’t even think about going anywhere or I. will. hunt. you. down.

    • Already Pantless says:

      I just saved this image to my LOL picture folder, which I use as a screensaver. I can’t wait for visitors to ask me about it! So fat, so afghani!

  24. WP says:

    I can’t wait for the funeral head-to-toe. Please let it include the Easter whore blouse with one of Granny’s tennis skirts, Burning Man wookie boots, freshwater pearls and wistful-yet-sexAY face. Mantilla optional.

  25. Effervescent Suppositories says:

    Apologies for going off topic my friends but I thought you might enjoy Charlie Brooker taking a shit in the church of KONY 2012 and the massively creepy “Invisible Children” media/cult.

    cheers!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=VpuB11d0Gog

  26. ks says:

    God. What is this shit.

    Hein Kuenen ‏ @BizzOnWeb
    The BizzOnWeb Daily is out! http://bit.ly/AmEY6g ▸ Top stories today via @LadyKurupt @JuliaAllison @bcuban

    So I click through to http://paper.li/bizzonweb. I’m searching for Julia’s TOP STORY. What does it show? A link to the Forbes Spanx article and her tweet promoting it. The whole site looks auto-generated. There’s oughta be a law against pretending to be a journalist by linking to real journalism via tweets and then having some some fake newspaper give you a byline.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Thanks for the the two incisive articles you wrote/links you posted in this comment. That was some incisive journalism!

      • ks says:

        what? I posted the link that the bit.ly link redirects to because you can easily track clicks using bit.ly and I don’t want donkey getting any kind of clickthrough points. Sort of like when you watch a tv ad and they want you to type in a promo code ISAWTHISONTV so they know how many people are coming to their site via a tv ad.

        • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

          I think TL;DR was making a joke about how one can get credit for the journalisms of something just by linking. Calm down, Kevin!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Is Donkey now getting paid to tweet to offset her expen$e of buying FB likes?

  27. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    I’m curious about what people think: is reposting something already discussed elsewhere rude or inevitable??

  28. Donksers says:

    Donkey posting psalms as part of her PAY ATTENTION TO ME IN MY HOUR OF NEED campaign is so typical of the hideous hosebeast. She’s fond of trotting out God from time to time to use as a prop, the same way she does with Lily. I’m sorry for what the Baughers are going through right now, but I do hope that one of them snaps just long enough to finally tell her to STFU.

    • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

      Where IS Lily???

      • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

        LOL.

        Wait, no, no lol. Where IS Lily? If Bald Julia is still at SXSW, and Hairy Julia is in Chicago, where the fuck is Lily? Dumped with a neighbor, I would imagine.

        Seriously, I worry about my dog when I’m gone from him for the work day, and he loves me frantically when I come home — as though I’d been gone for weeks and not hours. What kind of asshole just leaves her ‘beloved’ puppy with strangers for weeks at a time on the regular? It’s so gross.

        I wish whoever has custody of Lily right now would ‘accidentally’ lose her into the hands of a rescue. If they had any idea how frequently Julia Dog-abandoness Allison did this, they surely would.

        With how Julia is treating the impending departure of Granny Moneybags, I’m surprised she hasn’t thrown Lily in front of a car by now just to get rid of the burden. Of course we all know that when Lily passes Julia will wail and tweet about it ad infinitum, then get a new prop dog she can abandon within days.

  29. JFA says:

    I’m just SO SURE she played her lots and lots and lots and lots of Bach. What the fuck, did she sit there for 2 hours listening to all of the cello suites? Shut the fuck up betch. You don’t have Bach on your phone. Sit down.

    • JFA says:

      She can’t just say Bach. It has to be “Bach…lots and lots of Bach.” Sure, then you ate tea and crumpets and waxed all the live long day about youthful dreams, heavenly aspirations, truth, God, and the divine nature of love and existence.

      Corny.

      • OMGPearskank says:

        And how would she pronounce it, if she had to say it out loud – “Back” (since the Boggers seem to have a thing for hard consonants)? “Beck”? “Beyatch”?

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Bach is like cowbell, there’s never enough.

      • Prelude to the Afternoon of the Donkey (AFGHANI) says:

        All jokes aside, Bach is probably was the most influential classical composer. At worst, he’s a strong 2nd who elevated the importance of several key instruments and anticipated much of what followed in the next 100 years. Bach’s output was staggering and NGMB’s church probably has a good organ, so she got the benefit of it… but I’d shit myself if Julia could describe a characteristic of Bach’s music. Lots of Bach indeed…

        • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

          More importantly, I am sure he had great windows, and the finest caulk around. You can practically rhyme caulk and Bach, after all. Emily Dickinson could, at least.

        • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

          Also, your mom’s got a good organ.

          *rimshot*

          • WP says:

            My grandmother got a music performance degree as an organist. If she ever figures out why we giggle when she says she went to college to study “organ performance,” we will be vaporized by the force of her judgement.

          • CDB says:

            i laughed so hard I choked.

          • Ass baughers syndrome says:

            What’s better than roses on a piano?
            Tulips on an organ. Ba da bing!

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

          I hear Bach’s legacy has been marred by his poor taste in window caulk.

        • Jane says:

          what is wrong with you

  30. Prof. F Camping says:

    I hope Michael K is a secret catlady; today he wrote that LiLo has “Crackhausen syndrome by proxy”. I <3 MK!

    • My company worked with Julia Allison -- NEVER AGAIN says:

      I asked him once if he was, and he replied, “Who?” — which doesn’t mean he’s not!

  31. Ridonkulous says:

    By the way, it appears tht our Donkey isn’t even able to tell the truth when she quotes the Bible. Those tweets seem to be passages not from Psalm 90, but from “A Thanksgiving Prayer” posted on something called “The Opening the Heart Workshop Blog.”

    Even her grief is a tangled web of posturing lies.

    • Ridonkulous says:

      Just to clarify – The blog calls the poem “a rendering of Psalm 90” by Stephen Mitchell. Well, in the world of Donkey legalese, I guess that makes it Psalm 90. (Just like a bottle of glue is a rendering of a horse.) All righty, then!

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Stephen Mitchell, as in “husband of Byron Katie” Stephen Mitchell? CAN SHE NEVER GET AWAY FROM THE WOO-WOO GRIFTERS?

  32. Emma Bourricot says:

    There is a sickening image in my mind of Julia writing her grandmother’s obit right now, as we speak, and will be in the queue when she leaves for SF. I really want to go easy on her this week, but I can’t get over how she is not at all humbled by this. Julia. I can’t believe even you would refer to your grandmother’s in the past tense — what the fuck is wrong with you, Donkey? The time you took to bitch about that $100 charge from JetBlue were minutes of your life that you should have been at her side, quietly, grateful to be with her. I don’t really have anything else to add. The Baughers may be odd at best, but my thoughts are with them.

  33. CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

    Will someone just tell me this? Was it the 23rd? I bet it was. Unoriginal. Includes the word death. Typical.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      90th. The “Oh Lord, thou hast been our dwelling place” and “a thousand years are in His sight as yesterday” and “the number of our days is threescore and ten” one. But a shitty New Age translation.

      I think she’s trying to hurry GMB along so she can get to her donutting. “THREESCORE AND TEN, GRANNY! YOU’RE ALREADY IN OVERTIME!”

  34. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    Like Julia, I’m going to make this about me for a moment. So I’ve gained so much weight over the past six months I’m down to a single pair of jeans that fit my fat ass, and while I was out for a hike this afternoon one of my neighbor’s dogs BIT ME. He only succeeded in hanging on my pant leg and tearing it, the asshole.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Dang! Are you okay?

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Asshole dog. You know he meant to do it, too.

    • OMGPearskank says:

      Oh no!!! Some dogs are straight out of hell. Years ago we were cycling through the Loire valley in France when some monstrous dog stormed out of what looked like a hedge but turned out an overgrown gate and randomly bit my mother in her right thigh. And somehow the rude owner tried to make it our fault because our random use of bicycles on a public road had caused his free running hell hound to come at us through the unsecured gate. Gotta love the French sometimes 🙂
      Today also seems to have been the day that fitting pairs of jeans have gone to die. Mine burst at a (thankfully hidden) seam when I scurried to pick up my class notes some kind fellow knocked out of my hands in the campus yard while I was rushing to my next class. Good times.

      • DONK SAD says:

        Weird. One of my students ripped her jeans just as the school day ended today. She made sure to flaunt it to the three remaining kids in the classroom — which I find pretty funny, actually, because at least it didn’t shame/traumatize her.

        When I was super sick a few weeks ago I killed a pair of flannel jammie bottoms by groggily sticking my leg through the pee hole (men’s jammies) and forcing down too fast. I loved those jammies, too. I am going to go tweet a psalm about them now, and play some Bach. Lots of Bach.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      I hear rabies is a great dieting aid. Julia would have tried it ere now, but she was scared of the hydrophobia impacting her ability to consume BPC.

  35. Albie Quirky says:

    A-bray-zing Grace, more like.

  36. mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

    Am I the only one envisioning this, but with a ‘motivational’ soundtrack of funeral dirges?

    [img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_7FUAwB_PH38/TCPI4P4-qWI/AAAAAAAABE8/vZXymobVYrY/s1600/mp.jpg[/img]

    • Industrial Sized Nostril says:

      Jesus christ woman, that is morbid. but.

      Exactly. Maybe put in some “eye of the tiger”. Or “The End”. by the Doors.

      • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

        Pfft. The only Doors Julia cares about are of the French (sliding) type.

      • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

        Oh. In case this just looks uber-morbid/someone is unfamiliar with the reference/the picture is too grainy, here is the source material, sans Bach, unfortunately:
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p53kJX64ieQ

        • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

          Morbid you say? She just provides the material, really.

          [img]http://oi41.tinypic.com/b9ht3c.jpg[/img]

          Also, for lulz, here was the capcha thing. It’s like it KNOWS.

          [img]http://oi40.tinypic.com/25insy0.jpg[/img]

          The harps are playing for Granny, but because Julia is personally playing them to rush her into the great beyond, all while she harps on how she is SO. SAD. SO. BRAVE.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            TinyPic’s Captcha is fueled powered by kitten hisses & tuna oil, I’m convinced of it.

          • Flying Donkeycopter says:

            Ok, the live blogging of GMB is absolutely heinous on Donkey’s part and as appalling as “I was there” Some of her grossest behavior really but this is uncalled for. Have some respect for someone’s life that is ending. Regardless of what a shit the Donkey is, this image does not need to be out there.

          • Prof. F Camping says:

            I’m getting better!

            You’ll be dead in a week!

          • BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot. says:

            “mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu!” I just shifted my seat in Hell to make room for you beside me, sweetheart. We’ll be just like peas & carrots.

            P.S. Who’s the dude in the pic? Can’t place his face.

          • mcakez says:

            @Flying Donkeycopter:

            I have to admit that my first instinct is to get defensive and snarky, but that isn’t fair and I don’t want to be that person, and I can see where you’re coming from.

            I want to explain, again, that I was trying to draw the comparison to the scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail that someone transcribed below. (I would link, but I am on mu phone, so forgive typos/phone formatting mess, too.) In the scene, which I also linked above, an old man is hurried to a cart while still alive, while the over-eager carrier insists on prematurely burying him. It is basically what this post was about, and how Julia’s actions come across to anyone watching. The scene is one of the most well known, quoted, and beloved fromthe film, so I thought I would whip up a photo. I am sorry to anyone was offended, but I think it was in line with the way Julia is acting. I genuinely just considered it a parody of her behavior, based around a well known parody film. Again, I’m sorry if it offended anyone, but I am personally hoping granny pulls through this and Julia’s premature burial c
            Ig.

          • mcakez says:

            Shit the bed. Sorry. Phone doesn’t handle walls of texts, and generally is a piece of poop.

            My point is that I am sorry if you were offended, but I just meant it as a parody of a parody, and I admit I have a morbid sense of humor. If the mods genuinely think it goes too far, I understand if they pull it down.

            As for BeepBoop – I am pretty sure if I believed in hell I would have a reserved box already, but I will gladly sit next to you instead. it is like that old D. Parker saying. Also, the dude is jellyd. I liked his “bitch please!” expression.

  37. GiggleFairy says:

    Um, guyz??… I just cannot.

    “Reading the Bible to my grandmother while my dad sits nearby. My paternal grandfather died at 70. My dad is 63. Every minute counts.”

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      Live tweeting someone’s death. Very classy. Very Kate Middleton by way of Ivaka Trump.

    • Random Snowflake says:

      So Donk is non-stop typing away on her iPhone next to her Grandmother’s death bed..

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        I must say, God help the child I have that dares to whip out his or her phone and Live Tweet my mother’s death.

        That = Parenting Fail

      • Donksers says:

        “Hold on, Granny, I have to live-tweet your death so my followers will think I’m awesome!”

        Okay, fine. Julia is fucking mentally ill, I’m more convinced of that now than ever before. But can’t ol’ Petey sitting over there in the corner put a stop to this madness? There’s something seriously off about that whole family.

      • Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

        She probably unplugged a piece of hospital equipment to charge it.

    • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

      No mention of the maternal grandfather she ditched at death’s door to go lick Wandi’s taint? I gue$$ tho$e minute$ didn’t count a$ much.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        Yeah, seems he didn’t care for Donkey’s juvenile antics in his golden years, so she didn’t dote on him.

      • Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

        Seems even more ghoulish considering how Randi has since dropped her like cinnamon raisin cookie accidentally mistaken for a chocolate chip.

        That grandparent didn’t have any money in the pipeline for fat little Julie Baugher, this Julie didn’t give a shit about him. She’s getting some coin from Moneybagz, so she has to look affected. She’s Satan.

    • zandra says:

      Holy shit! She didn’t, did she? I cannot fathom WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER?

    • New Year New You says:

      Shut up Julie; cannot read bible and tweeter at same time.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      I also CANNOT.

      Meanwhile, over on FB, she’s sucking up to her wealthy silicon valley friends:

      [img]http://i42.tinypic.com/124g846.png[/img]

      You hear that Dad$ers? You better watch your ‘health & fitness’. 70 is just around the corner!

      • JFA says:

        It’s amazing the number of inept mediocre jokes she is friends with. Yeah you keep reposting the brilliant and talented Brit Moron’s insipid blog posts. I judge people by the quality of their friends and it proves to me that JA is horrendous and sad.

      • JFA says:

        26 men from Bangladesh “like” this.

    • JFA says:

      Reading the Bible. Listening to Bach…lots and lots of Bach. Can you imagine the level of bullshittery her family has to deal with being in the death room with her? My god. I would be telling her to STFU so hard.

    • Shamoolia says:

      I read this as: she thinks Dadsers may go at any minute now / he only has about 7 years left = CA-CHING!!! HIS INHERITANCE MONEY IS MIIIIIINE! Every minute counts when I’m waiting to get my hands on the bulk of granny’s money.

      • Already Pantless says:

        “I’m already in the first stage of grieving Dadsers. Oops?”

      • Albie Quirky says:

        I do, too. THREESCORE AND TEN, DADSERS! IT SAYS THAT RIGHT IN THE BIBLE!

        • ¿Qué? says:

          Thank you for getting that correct. I hate people who get it mixed up with the Gettysburg address. I had a teacher tell me once that we are supposed to live “four score and seven.”

  38. Industrial Sized Nostril says:

    Reading the Bible to my grandmother while my dad sits nearby. My paternal grandfather died at 70. My dad is 63. Every minute counts.
    [img]http://i41.tinypic.com/10conc8.jpg[/img]

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      You can bet she’s counting every minute …
      WATCH YOUR BACK, DAD$ER!

    • Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

      Oy vey. Nanners is probably asking the big guy up stairs to PLEASE hurry it along, because she just can’t with this bitch.

      • New Year New You says:

        Nanner$ is like “How fuck are you reading me the bible, I wanna read Nerve on your iPad. And get me one of those fucking apple pancakes.”

      • Albie Quirky says:

        That’s the Bach A Donkey is playing: Komm, süßer Tod!

        Come, sweet death, come, blessed rest!
        Oh world, you martyr’s chamber,
        oh! stay with your lamentations
        in this world of sorrow,
        it is heaven that I desire,
        death shall bring me there.
        Come, blessed rest!

    • JFA says:

      WHAT. THE FUCK. I would never write that about my father. Holy shit. Why not just say “My father might die soon.” God I can’t stand her.

    • Shamoolia says:

      Exactly. I read this as- hurry up and croak, dad.

    • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

      Okay, see, this ultra-crazy to me. It might be something you think to yourself because a grandparent’s death certainly does put into perspective your own parents’ age… but to say that aloud on Twitter? It’s fucking weird and ridiculous on so many different levels.

  39. Dr. Kirk Price says:

    Tonight, we sit vigil for Grannie Moneybags.

  40. pelto brayo says:

    AGH. I just cannot with her. I’m coming out of the comment-lurkerdom.

    It pains me to say this, but I’m jealous of Julia (of her being able to be by Granny M-bags side). To make it about me – my grandmother passed away in December (fuck you December 2011) and all I got were phone calls in a span of five hours. I still feel guilty about living on the other coast and not being there for her.

    I’m sitting here like “just be there with her and stop the updates.” cause it’s greatly annoying to me that she gets the chance that I didn’t have.

    (small voice to self: calm down kevin)

  41. Pre-emptive Julia says:

    HOW DARE YOU!

    I took a break from maintaining my death watch and playing “99 problems” to check up on you haters and I am APPALLED at how you are treating what is a private, family ordeal. I tweeted the updates I tweeted to a few friends, because THEY CARE. THEY WEREN’T FOR YOU. Sorry, but I have a lot more to deal with right now than building a distribution list of people I should privately email about the up-to-the-minute status of my granmoney.

    You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Rest assured that once I get my lump sum from Intel I will wisely spend it all on tracking down each and every one of you and suing the beJesus out of all of you. I’ve made countless lawyer friends who assure me this is a viable financial strategy and a gold mine better than investing in Google. Ha!

  42. helobabe says:

    Saw this, reminded me of Donkey, obvs:
    [img]http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0nfyzLs4G1r5zq6po1_500.gif[/img]

  43. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    I can understand the Bach thing. Here at Scrapbooks Abbey, we greatly appreciate the music of P.D.Q. Bach, the 21st of Johann Sebastian’s 20 children and a composer ennobled by the amnesia surrounding his work.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2H6JjE5j_g

  44. Stripper Shoes of Whorian Bray says:

    Off the topic of the 2012 GMB Death Watch, anyone notice this ?

    @BenjLerer – give me an hour to describe in detail the world of being single to her & she’ll leap into your arms next time you get home. 😉

    It was in response to his tweet about waking his wife and is wide saying “why” and his saying, “I think I’m single again.” I don’t know who the funny dude is but when i clicked on his photo I saw that he is a petite-ish pretty boy (same mold as Pancakes). And he founded-OMG some web sites AND he lives in NYC.

    Needless to say he ignored her overture.

    Aaaand we’re back to DeathWatch 2012.

    • Rosalie says:

      He retweeted her & replied back.

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      I mentioned this in a prior thread, the first time she started tweeting at him and he responded. Ben is actually a good guy. Very smart and a hard worker. I’m surprised he’s interacting with the donkey and a bit disappointed to see it.

      Founder of Thrillist and principal at Lerer Ventures. He’s well respected in the NY tech scene. Father is Ken Lerer, co-founder of HuffPo.

      That was meant to be service-y.

      • Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

        Yes. Ben could’ve been a spoiled rich kid but he’s actually built a thriving brand (Thrillist) and is making smart investments on the side. He tweets a lot of funny, self-deprecating things about why he thinks he’s a terrible husband. It’s sort of cute.

    • Emma Bourricot says:

      Dear God, here she is at her grandmother’s death bed and she’s upset because she doesn’t have a man to put up with her fits and lashing out.

      And as others have said, Granny may recover. This “death watch” is unbecoming. Um, er, horrifying. Julia’s pap passed away at 70, but Granny’s mother lived to be 102.

      http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/6926619930

      Words of Wisdom from Grandmother: “You are what you are.”

      Grandmother:
      I can’t believe it, Julia, all of a sudden – it will seem like all of a sudden – you’ll be in your 80s, you’ll think, what happened?! But time marches on.
      Me:
      Do you feel 87?
      Grandmother:
      I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel like! I don’t feel any different! But when I think I’m 87, I think ‘what happened? I used to be a little girl!’ And now, wherever I go, I’m the oldest. And there’s nothing you can do about it. You are what you are. But I think people should try to be the best of what they are. I had a very good role model in my mother – she lived to 102 and she was sharp till the very end.

      • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

        WHY IS SHE POSTING THIS SHIT? This does not need to be for such immediate public consumption. Seriously, Julia, the woman isn’t fucking dead yet. If you want to go all Christopher Buckley and write about dead relatives, give it a little distance first. Stop live-blogging your grandmother’s death.

        Her handling of this whole situation is almost unbearable. Her parents really can’t be totally blind to this — I’m certain her brother isn’t. It’s too fucking atrocious for words.

      • ChetBizzaro says:

        What I find most interesting about that post is the Disqus comment section. Donkey responded to someone who commented on this post. When you click her avatar to get her Disqus stats, she has one thousand comments with two hundred likes. People who play the comment game on Disqus are usually fishing for likes and it’s common for a witty commenter to have a 1:5 (comment:like) ratio (I’m 1:3, averaging 3 likes per comment) . Donkey is averaging one fifth (or .2) of a like for each comment. Even Disqus doesn’t like her.

      • Jordache and the Pelts says:

        You are a Donkey. Julia’s making up conversations again. I suspect her grandmother might feel “differently” given she’s in a hospice situation – and isn’t she having trouble speaking right now (according to Julia)? I feel badly for all of them during this difficult time but Julia isn’t playing the sympathy card right with all these public nonsense. Her grandmother could be in hospice for a long time, and Julia certainly shouldn’t use her whole deck right now. Yeesch she is vulgar.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        A “role model” for longevity and geriatric acuity? O.K.

  45. Stripper Shoes of Whorian Bray says:

    I just looked and didn’t see it.

    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      I didn’t see a reply, either, but I might be blind from rabies.

    • New Year New You says:

      @BenjLerer – give me an hour to describe in detail the world of being single to her & she’ll leap into your arms next time you get home. 😉
      Retweeted by Ben Lerer

      Ben Lerer ‏ @BenjLerer
      @JuliaAllison gold!

      FIN.
      Look at his feed directly.

      • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

        Thank you, darling. I shall now go chain myself to a tree.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        LIQUID CHEEZY SKILLETS GOLD, more like.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        WIFE-FLUFFER REFRESHER COURSE!

        Want to keep your man?
        Want to know what *NOT* to Do?

        “DONKEY” (Disastrous Old Nag Keeps Endlessly Yelling) Inc., has announced a limited number of seats still currently available for all the girls at the low, low price of $11.50 each!

  46. Scooby Don't says:

    Julia’s ghoulish bedside vigil tweeting reminds on the scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail (slightly edited):
    NGMB: I’m not dead.
    Hospital Worker: What?
    Julia: Nothing.
    NGMBt: I’m not dead.
    Hospital Worker: Here, she says she’s not dead.
    Julia: Yes she is.
    NGMB: I’m not.
    Hospital Worker: She isn’t.
    Julia: Well, she will be soon, she’s very ill.
    NGMB: I’m getting better.
    Julia: No you’re not, you’ll be stone dead in a moment.

    Morbid I know….yet why is it so easy to imagine Donkey having this type of conversation.

    • Prof. F Camping says:

      inserting servicey link pointing out that this comparison was made upthread.

      [img]http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/7/2/aaed92e8-23dc-4ce5-a629-f2dcab2b02ea.jpg[/img]

  47. first world problems says:

    [img]http://i43.tinypic.com/s6895w.jpg[/img]

  48. Scooby Don't says:

    http://www.dlisted.com/2012/03/16/meghan-mccain-strictly-dickly
    OT: Meghan McCain gets a mention on Dlisted.
    So donkeyesque.

    • Donksers says:

      Megatits, still telling the world how much she loves having sex. We get it, Megs. You can stop now.

      • JFA says:

        I can’t stand her ass. She really thinks she’s the only woman on earth who talks about liking sex. You know why? Because she can’t get her head out of her own fat ass long enough to pay attention to anyone else.

        She’s such a dimwit tool.

  49. RBD: IRL says:

    Long-time reader, sporadic commenter, here under a different name. Changing it because I have a personal story that you all might find funny.

    A guy I’m seeing asked me about my favorite blogs. Naturally, I brought up RBD, but faced the oft-faced problem of, How the hell do I explain my morbid curiosity with this bitch to a guy I like so he doesn’t think I’m crazy. We were laying in bed, and I couldn’t stop thinking, Oh God I am such a weirdo for admitting this but here goes. I started with the Gawker-era and ended with Yack McCain and recent occurrences; this was a LONG convo. I think I was successful! He was totally intrigued, and accurately pointed to why I’ve been following this trainwreck for years: Julia Allison is a media artifact. A living one, but it really cuts to the heart of why I’m so intrigued by the JABa Show, why I can’t look away — many here have noted how she represents so much of what we hate about “this” generation, the ME generation, the constant ego-casting and narcissism propped up for all to “like”, enabled by social media, etc.

    Anyway, it’s a beast explaining this to people, and few people “get” it if they haven’t been following JA for a while, but I’m glad my personal life wasn’t negatively impacted after I admitted that I read here all.the.time.

    He pulled up RBD immediately after and said, “The titles are amazing.” True dat.

    #foreveracatlady

    • Donksers says:

      For me, there is no analytical explanation for why I follow the Julia Allison freak show. I follow it because she’s bizarre and RBD is funny.

      • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

        She’s becoming more pitiful as time goes on, but I can’t turn away either because RBD never fails to make me laugh. The commentors are hysterical.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      Last week in Austin, I had dinner with a therapist friend of mine, and I mentioned the blog in passing. She was confused, so I had to try to explain it, but I couldn’t, which is why I have never mentioned this blog to my actual therapist.

      • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

        JP, that’s lying by omission!

        • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

          The conversation with my friend was how my relationship with my therapist isn’t working out.

          • Cake Liar says:

            Bin the lot of them JP, the real therapy for you is right here on this site! 🙂

            I’m kind of serious actually. This site and all you lovely lovely catladies have gotten me through some very tough times recently. My daily visit here reminded me that even when times were difficult, well, fucking hell, at least I’m not Julia Allison! 😀

          • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

            Ditto at Cake Liar!

  50. ks says:

    Being in bed makes everything easier to swallow!

  51. It's Getting Dark says:

    [img]http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/16416610.jpg[/img]

  52. Prof. F Camping says:

    OT, has anyone read Jaron Lanier’s You are Not a Gadget?
    at the very beginning he says “You have to be somebody before you can share yourself.”
    (and a bit after that he goes on to discourage commenting anonymously online, but we’ll leave that for another discussion…)
    anyway, this is (one of) the fundamental thing that julia just doesn’t get. she “loves sharing”, but she has no substance or stable persona to share.

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      I don’t know if she’s aware of it, because I do not think she is deep at all, but I often find the people who talk the most, have the least to share. They somehow mistake “talking a lot/sharing a lot” as having a lot of things of interest to say. I think all the jabbering is to cover how easy it would be to see they are the most boring person in the room.

      • Sweaty Juicy Couture says:

        Also–a good way to climb the corporate ladder.

        She never learned to listen. Ever. And will never learn.

  53. The Final Rose says:

    A little OT, but can we discuss why the Grim Donker is using Facebook as her blog now? In the throes of grief, she has posted about Hello Brit, an inspiration saying, another story about her longtime role model Sara Blakely, video of Christopher Walken reading Where the Wild Things Are, and some homeopathic chart. So, basically, things she’s seen on Tumblr in the last 24 hours. Something’s fishy, and I’m not talking about green skin tags.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Are you asking why she’s doing this on Facebook and not on NonSociety, or are you asking why she’s doing this at all?

      For the former, I would say because the goddamn thing is down all the time; for the latter, I would say because she doesn’t want to interact with her family and finds that being “on the computer” is one way to avoid it.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      I think she does it so that her legions of Afghani friends can “like” the Intel post she put up. Nevermind that they also like the fact that grandma is dying. All part of the grift….

    • Dyspeptic says:

      Simple. Her sideways scrolling blog gets practically no traffic, but she can claim to “sponsors” that she has tens of thousands of FB “subscribers” to her drivel. It’s purely a matter of what she thinks she can monetize at this point.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      ‘Grim Donker’ – great name

  54. Grammarian says:

    I am drink, so I am asking:

    The credit card company collections department called looking for my husband’s ex-wife. They were divorced for years before I met him. What I’ve been told is that she drove him into bankruptcy when they were married, despite him supporting her children from her first husband. Yes, it takes two, but, still.

    I told the person on the phone that I had no idea who he is talking about and to please not call my house again.

    That was the right thing to do, yes?

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Good luck w/ that.

      Some little fucker used my first initial, last name, address & landline# right after the next ph bk came out when I quit paying for my # to be unlisted, & I was inundated w/ calls & collection agency letters for him (until I moved) no matter how many times as I assured them I had no clue who the dude was & asked / begged / demanded that they look elsewhere & please leave me alone.

    • Servicey says:

      Since there is bound to be a new post soon and you won’t get many replies here, this is a great question for the forum.

      http://rebloggingdonk.com/forum/

    • Barking Mad says:

      Keep denying you know her. If you give them any information at all they will hound you without mercy every time she’s in somebody’s bad books. If you admit you know her but don’t know her contact info, they will hound you for the name of somebody else to hound. There’s no way you can win. Just keep saying no. It’s not your problem or your husband’s any more.

      Once upon a time I gave a character reference for one of my daughter’s friends who was renting her first apartment. Eventually she defaulted on something and they called me for years. Also, I have an unusual last name so I was hounded whenever anyone with that last name owed money. Fortunately my country/province passed a law stating that they can’t keep chasing you if they can’t prove a connection. Now my phone is silent for the first time in years.

  55. Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

    Julia Allison ‏ @JuliaAllison
    Today at the hospital, I’m singing the full repertoire of Frank Sinatra songs to my Grandmother. Let it be known: I am a terrible singer.

    WUT IS WRONG WIF HERRRRR? Ugh. Can’t. She really makes a mockery of things.

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      Jelly D’s favorite singer is Sinatra. I’m guessing.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Is she just trying to get grandma to finally kick the bucket with all the singing and bible reading and Bach (lots and lots of Bach)?

      • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

        Seriously. I’m thinking of her singing “My Way” at granny- and all the regrets and finality of that song- and it gives me the horrors. Donks is getting impatient!

      • Gitmo is for pussies says:

        [img]http://i43.tinypic.com/o6f9di.jpg[/img]

      • Gitmo is for pussies says:

        [img]http://i39.tinypic.com/2d8nhqd.jpg[/img]

        • Dr. Gary says:

          OMG. I’m laughing so hard.

          But seriously, isn’t there someone? anyone? to tell her that live tweeting and blogging from her granny’s deathbed is in incredibly poor taste. And that she should shut it down NOW.

    • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

      Julia Allison ‏ @JuliaAllison
      I ran out of Sinatra songs. Now have launched into The Music Man. “Sevety-six trombones in the big parade!”

      God, she sounds merry. Gleeful. She’s fucking with us. Hi Julia! How’s the vulture thing going?

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      The hospice staff will be the next wave of RBD newcomers …

  56. mcakez says:

    OT, but I am still (very slowly, since I’m not home sick anymore) making my way through Gossip Girl. I am midway through season 3 and wondering why we hate Vanessa again? I quite like her. Actually, this season everyone has grown on me. Except Jenny, she still sucks. Also, omg, is Chuck’s mom still alive?! I’m guessing based on mystery woman in the graveyard.

    I’m a little embarrassed by how much I am enjoying this thow. I was even defending it to brah, who says it is the worst.

    • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

      Vanessa annoys because she’s a granola self-righteous nosy eavesdropper who professes to hate the rich kids but manages to get herself to every party, ball, gala, whatever while maintaining a smug superiority. She’s always there!

      Heh, sorry – it’s cool if you like her, I’m just used to the lively comments section on the show at NYMag.com, where we make it a sport of hating on Vanessa. Their recaps of the show are hilarious. 🙂

      http://www.vulture.com/tv/gossip-girl/

  57. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    Just catching up after a spate of intense desk-errand-related activity (bright side: things are looking up, at least in the sector where my errand-desk is), but I hardly even know what to say here; my power to articulate seems to have abandoned me in the face of this … abomination. The DISGUST, it galls.

    But! I will rally, so as not to be that ordinary citizen who fails to step forward to register outrage, to declare: I can relate to Donkey on very few levels (thankfully), but as the favorite grandchild of a opinionated, aggravating, sometimes insufferable, but hilarious and impeccably stylish harridan (RIP, my Gronny), I can kind of identify with their relationship, which, for me, makes this death watch by Twitter by far the most heinous Donkey atrocity yet. This will be the benchmark I will come back to whenever I have a misguided moment of sympathy for A Donkey.

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