Donkey Boasting


Several tipsters over the past few days inform us that Donkey is telling anyone who will listen to her at SXSW that she’s signed a $100,000 product endorsement contract with Intel. Because that whole Sony thing worked out so well, I suppose. She’s also dropping Pancakes McCain’s name all over the place — while wearing his belt. Ewww on every count.

Pooooorrr Pancakes.

And how have these brands not received the memo that Julia Allison is a social media pariah? That she’s burned every bridge with every client ever? That her reputation sucks? Marketers, get a clue and beware!

p.s. Attention angry haters: Please do not contact Intel. We don’t even know if this is true, or if Donk’s either lying outright or grossly exaggerating. Let’s remember who we’re dealing with here. And even if it were true, let’s not harass Intel. We don’t need to. She’ll screw it up all on her own, as always.

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190 Responses to Donkey Boasting

  1. solidarity cat says:

    If this is true….[img][/img]

    • solidarity cat says:

      I’m mainly just here for the lulz and the good company, but the constant failing upward is dumbfounding. And frustrating.

  2. blahblahblerg says:

    Thank you, tipsters!

  3. maid of dishonor says:

    that bobby pin mullet gets me every. single. time.

    • Julia Allison: Whore, Liar and Cunt says:

      Not sure what’s worse, the greasy roots, the bobby pins, or the fried ends.

      Also: Intel, if this is true, you deserve what you get. A cursory two minutes of research on this creature would tell you that being associated with her is NOT A GOOD THING.

      • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

        The whole hair and outfit (plus yesterday’s blazer) combined with her bragging about drunk texting over twitter make me think she is trying to pull of being a hipster again.

        God she sucks.

        • Toolbag says:

          Of course she is. Because her latest target is a dope-smoking musician.

        • darling dearest says:

          hipsters wear blazers?

          • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

            According to her, during the time she was trying to Single White Female Jordan. She wore a blazer once or twice and went on about how she was SUCH! A! HIPSTER!

  4. One Fat Melman says:

    Curious, since she’s tweeted about/posted photos of her Apple fandom for as long as anyone can remember…

    • Julia Allison: Whore, Liar and Cunt says:

      Which is why Intel deserves everything they get if this is true. A quick Google search reveals a ton of bad press for/mocking of Sony for using her, and she also started creaming herself all over Apple again the minute her Sony contract expired. She has past form here, it’s easy to find, and any CMO that associates her/his brand with Julia Allison is a goddamn moron.

  5. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    She has to be lying because the deal doesn’t even make sense… unless they are retaining her for multiple platforms. But the Sony deal and how it usually works in commercials, is you are paid one fee – which is not very much unless your Justin Timberlake – and the real money you make is from the commercial repeating.

    Isn’t Intel aligned with Project Runway? So it might make sense but the $$$ is ri-donk-ulously exaggerated.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      I can’t imagine that Donkey would get even $10k for any endorsement … $4k, maybe, $6k tops … ironic, when you think about the fact that Intel could offer Donkey a mere $65 to never utter their name in public & come out way, wayyyyy ahead.

  6. pearipathetic donkey says:

    She’s not a real celebrity, so wouldn’t she have to audition for something like this? Any catpeeps in the know about this kind of stuff?

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      This is what I find weird – having 26,000 Twitter followers does not an influencer make, no one goes to her blog anymore and she doesn’t have a job where she can show herself using the product nor is she well known enough for anyone to care.

      I bet Intel is part of Miss Advised like its part of Proj. Runway but I find it hard to believe a Donkey is being singled out for this kind of deal.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        And if it is a reality tv connection, why not pick the Emily character. She seems more telegenic than Donk, and has a podcast/radio show so I presume she is more influential.

  7. juliajane says:

    I don’t know anything about sponsorships etc, but from a common sense perspective it just doesn’t make sense. The only thing Donkey has going for her is being on a reality show, and there is surely no way that connection is worth $100 000 to Intel.

  8. Kate Middlebrow says:

    Nice arms. Those are pretty much exactly what mine look like and I had a baby and am teh fatz.

    • someproblems says:

      Same here! No baby, but pushing 40 and teh fatz (by tv standards anyway). Fuck it, i like to eat really good food that includes bread products.

      But she is on TV!! There is no excuse for those arms on television if you aren’t a kick ass news reporter or insanely talented.

      She is neither, but she is something else: FUCKING LAZY.

  9. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    Is Intel introducing a new line of slow processors?

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Yes! That random file you’re trying to pull up on your computer?

      It’s in the queue!

    • Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

      Holy shit this is funny.

    • DonnieDriveBy says:

      Maybe it’s a (s)motheringboard, designed for younger guys who need more structure in their lives.

    • Donkeycam now! says:

      Yes, and if your system crashes it blames it on you and sends you a cease-and-desist letter.

    • Kitler says:

      To all you who contributed to this thread: (1) I love you, (2) you all owe me a new keyboard. Coffee in crevases = keyboard won’t work.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      How to tell if your processor is a Cuntium I:

      The processor frequently interrupts your desk errands to brag about its dual cores being “perfectly symmetrical”.

      Processor takes .002 seconds to compose a defamatory email to any woman in a relationship, but requires a week and Internet access to solve arithmetic problems.

      Processor is fairly new, but it looks and performs like a much older model.

      Processor floods your other computers with viruses to make sure you never go back to using them.

      Processor is not compatible with Google. It suggests you crowd-source all your queries instead.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        I have an Intel® Bore™ i5 Processor & wonder if you can halp me (Bald Julia will wipe my ass; this is technical & that bitch Meghannaise is literally too busy attending Business School):

        * My ‘Visual Enhancements’ are apparent (thanks to Dr. Bobby!), but the ‘Smart Performance’ is seriously lacking — WHY MUST I CROWD-SOURCE EVERY SINGLE TASK?

        * The ‘Automatic Burst of Speed’ promised is sometimes from Clomp to Bitch in 11.5 seconds (depends on the email being responded to), but it otherwise maintains a steady rate of couch-surfing slumber — HOW DO I WAKE THIS BEAST BEFORE NOON IF I HAVE DESK ERRANDS TO RUN?

        * I was led to believe ‘Sharper, Smoother, Richer’ images were part of the whole package — SO FAR, THERE’S NO SMART, RICH, SMOOTH MAN IN THE PICTURE!

        * My PC is allegedly my ‘Front Row Seat’ to entertainment — WHY AM I STILL FORCED TO CRASH NYFW & STEAL SEATS ASSIGNED TO OTHERS?

        * Supposedly ‘Great Gaming’ is built-in — WHERE IS IT? I GOT NO GAME! I NEED GAME IF IMA LAND A WALLET!

  10. zandra says:

    Christ – still parading around Pancake’s belt like a trophy.

  11. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    The fact that a Donkey is still bragging about Jack McCain a year after they are done and when he, at the very least has had 2 serious girlfriends and a Donkey has had barely a date to speak of – is HYSTERICAL.

  12. New Year New You says:

    Those arms need $100,000 worth of liposuction.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Easiest if Donkey buys bicep implants to match the calf implants …

  13. The Missing Davos Report says:

    Julia was inside.

    Intel is inside.

  14. Little girl pedaling alone in the rain with her own wet cake says:

    Don’t worry she still won’t be happy.

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      Exactly. 100k is a lot of money but big sums like that will get taxed at 50% plus she’ll owe her manager between 10 to 15% and her lawyer 5% and then when the show bombs she will never get a deal like this again.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        The top tax rate in the US is 35%, and you don’t pay taxes on your agent’s and/or manager’s cut, only on your net.

        That said, I don’t believe a word of this whole Intel business.

        • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

          That’s news to me, because I pay taxes on my grosses before agent and manager cuts, have for ten years. So does my man cat. Even with your math she’s -$35,000 for taxes, -$10,000 – $15,000 for manager and -$5,000 for attorney.

          I’m saying walking away with 45k to 50k for a Donkey is not a lot of the show implodes, which I believe it will.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            You are fucking kidding me! Do you folks in the film/TV media industry get screwed by the tax code as well as the industry? That’s messed up. I had assumed it was like publishing, where they cut a check to the agents and the agents give you your net after their cut, and that’s your income. Same with songwriting and music publishers.

            Yikes! I appreciate the correction, and I’m sorry to hear visual media folks are stuck like that. (I forgot while replying that this was your industry, mostly because I am all Valley of the Dolls on painkillers.)

          • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

            Well, you can write your agent and manager fees off at the end of your tax year so there is a break in that way… yeah, it’s crazy…

          • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

            I’m taxed on the gross, which is prior to my agent’s cut (but don’t worry — he’s taxed on it, too). For more than a decade my tax rate has hovered between 47-48%, even while I had four dependents. I still have three and it never changes. This is actually a terrible way to make a living, regardless of how impressive initial contracts seem.

          • Not! Random! says:

            Undoubtedly a tax lawyer (Afghani?) will correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that writing off your agent and manager fees means that you are not paying taxes on them at the end of the day.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            My guess is that everyone who isn’t acting/screenwriting/directing/&c. full-time still gets massively screwed, as you can only Schedule C your primary source of income.

            Of course A Donkey is no worries, because her massive cheesy skillets cash…

        • Albie Quirky says:

          But maybe I misread your post somehow? Even after a the off-the-top for manager and lawyer, and federal and state taxes (including her federal self-employment tax), it would be the best payday she’s had since STAR fired her donkey-ass ass by far.

          I just don’t believe it. The people who run Intel’s consumer-facing branding are really good at what they do, and actually tuned into the cool young scene (VBP in San Francisco).

  15. Prof. F Camping says:

    she just called this dude “delicious”. run, matt brezina, run!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      I don’t wanna rag on the dude (hell, I want to WARN him), but, uhhh …
      ‘delicious’ isn’t quite the descriptive for him, ya know?

      He looks / sounds too smart to get taken in by a marauding donkey.

  16. She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

    Her butt actually looks good in those jeans. Too bad she’s decided that pretty princesses don’t wear jeans unless they’re in their “cowgirl” costume.

  17. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    Does Donkey understand what she’s allegedly promoting? I doubt she understands what Intel does beyond “they help Steve Jobs (RIP!!!) make computers so the Internet can learn how great I am!!!!”

  18. Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

    OT: I bet laxative-abusing, apparently perimenopausal Julia and anorexic, balding Julia have been together long enough for their menstrual cycles to sync! They have their roughly biannual periods at the same time!

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      An anorexic and a laxative-abusing bulimic/binge eater who lies nonstop about which foods she regularly consumes sharing a kitchen. Cooking lots of Kraft Velveeta Cheesy Skillets for product placement reasons. Doesn’t this sound like good (if tragic) television? Advice for Bravo: kitchen hidden camera.

  19. shen says:

    A point about her hair. I think she has some serious scalp issues. The entire time during her SXSW panel she kept picking at her hair and scalp. It was actually disgusting – the way she would run her fingers through the crown of her head and then start scratching and picking. I totally forgot about that until seeing mullet hair in the photo above.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Sounds like Donkey has scabies or lice …

    • BunnyBingo says:

      Maybe weave/extension damage to her scalp? Must be odd having long term extensions in terms of feeling like you have “something” in you hair all the time.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      This is possibly the MOST disgusting thing I’ve ever heard about her. And as we all know, she does a LOT of disgusting things.

      • solidarity cat says:

        Seriously. EWWWW.

      • Shamoolia says:

        Nothing could top the comment the other day about her smelling like bad perfume, piss and mustiness. Add the head picking on top of that and I am about to vomit in my mouth a little. She just always comes across as the most unhygienic person ever. Blech.

      • Wonkeye says:

        Right up there with her green-skin-tag-covered vulva. Gag.

    • juliajane says:

      Picking at your skin and hair is also quite a common symptom of anxiety and/or mental health issues.

      • ¿Qué? says:

        coke-bugs or meth-worms or adderall-ants?

      • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

        Yeah. I went through a phase of scratching my head constantly during a really bad time in my life. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until a friend pointed it out to me. I’ve since stopped, thankfully, but it is definitely a very common compulsion associated with anxiety and depression. It’s weird how if you don’t find an outlet for your anxiety, your body WILL find one with or without your knowledge. Head scratching is gross but no more gross than biting one’s nails which is a much more socially acceptable way of venting anxiety (though for some it’s merely habit).

    • I used to have an itchy head and my dermatologist, while I was in the office to have a mole looked at, casually diagnosed me with seborrheaic dermatitis (sp), and a good dandruff shampoo knocked that shit right out immediately.

      but with her it’s probably her nasty hair extensions.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        Just a couple of days ago, my sister was saying how she now takes showers in water temp as cool as she can stand it because hot water was drying out her scalp, & I understood her to be doing this based on her doctor’s recommendation.

        This talk of itchy scalps is making my own scalp itch.

        • Whimsical Whackjob says:

          Yes, I’m doing the same thing. I had to also quit using my humectant conditioner. All conditioners, actually, until it clears up. I noticed a change after just a week and a half.

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      Gross. Jesus. Donkey, ew.

      There are some people who shouldn’t have long hair – myself included, even though I like the way my face looks with long hair – because their hair is so fine & stringy. Donkey, you are one of those people. Find a chic flattering cut above your shoulders. And, if you add ‘Stop Being and Asshole’ to that, I’m willing to bet people will start taking you seriously.

    • Kitler says:

      PBSS: Post Bumpit Stress Syndrome

  20. JuliaCleaver says:

    maybe they post crib videos of the unemployed just like Cisco?

  21. Donkey of Perdition says:

    Who the hell tells people how much money their contract is worth? It’s quite unbecoming and vulgar. Well good luck to her, too bad everyone will think she’s just the T-mobile girl (otoh why would Intel run a campaign so close to T-mobiles?)

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      God, yes. Whether this is 100% true or a complete fabrication, it’s incredibly tacky of her to be so forthcoming and braggy about it.

      You hear that, Julia? Your lack of class is showing. Again.

    • K_Swizz (is a Narcissistic Sparklefart ) says:

      Tangentially related-

      Is the whole “talking about money” thing a regional mannerism?

      I just ask because, when I lived in the South it was considered the height of impropriety to discuss finances (i.e. “DudeX paid 300k for his house, I wonder how he will manage on his wife’s 60k salary) but now that I’m in the Midwest, it seems like a regular thing to discuss your finances/salary with others.

      I was raised to believe that it is inappropriate to discuss income no matter what, but everyone here seems to think it is normal.

      • Shamoolia says:

        Discussing money is the HEIGHT OF TACKY in the south. Seriously. Even the biggest, tackiest rednecks in the world would NEVER discuss money, salary, how much you paid for a house/car/vacation/etc.

        Julia, when even southerners think you’re tacky, you have a real problem.

      • Delurked says:

        i was raised in a very WASPy family (in new england, not the south), and i still, to this day, have no idea how much money my father makes. tacky tacky tacky.

  22. Shamoolia says:

    Elephant arms.

    • A-Game Content says:

      I just don’t understand how her appearance and thickness changes so drastically from photo to photo. Her arms look totally untoned in this pic. It reminds me of something Kathy Griffin said in “Official Book Club Selection,” that when she was bulimic that one binge would bloat her up so that she couldn’t fit into her clothing the next day. Pictures like this one are, to me, evidence that she may have actually have an eating disorder.

      Another note, which is that, say what you will about the style of the ladies featured on Bravo, they typically wear the correct underpinnings so that you don’t see the full outline of their bra under their shirts, unlike A Donkey. Also, I’ve said it before, those pants she’s wearing are clearly like, a decade old, which fine, whatever. They’re also bursting at the seams. But I’d bet she’s wearing them simply because she views them as her “skinny jeans.” However, as someone downthread said, compared to the other waifs on television, she is teh fatz.

      • Shamoolia says:

        Crucial point: someone else took this photo and it hasn’t been subjected to Julia’s Myspace angles/cropping/fauxtoshopping. Candids are nearly universally VERY unflattering to her, which proves how much a a control freak she is over the “flattering” ones she posts herself. She’s tubby, flabby and very average looking when you strip away all of her contorting.

        Also, 2004 called and wants those (probably flare leg) light wash jeans back, you bumpkin. GROSS.

        • Shamoolia says:

          I can’t find it at the moment (bonus points to anyone who can) but there’s a picture from a few years ago of her eating oysters at some kind of outdoor picnic and she has about four chins – it’s VERY unflattering. The photographer posted it to his flickr and she threw an epic bitchfit until it was taken down.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I have it and used it on a post within the past month or two.

          • Prof. F Camping says:

            challenge accepted! (thanks to jacy for the tip)


          • Shamoolia says:

            YESSSS. This is the one. Those arms, china and sideburns are to vom.

  23. Keep sxsw donk free says:

    Ha! At her “panel” the other day I noticed her belt and briefly wondered if it was Pancake’s. I guess it was. Weird.

  24. Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

    I must say I would wear the hell out of that belt.

  25. ????? says:

    Smelly looking

  26. Dr. Gary says:

    Oh no

    @JuliaAllison: Cutting my #SXSW trip short to fly home to Chicago unexpectedly today. My grandmother is in the hospital. Praying for her.

    Thank God she’s doing the right thing this time, and going home. Sending good thoughts to her grandma and family.

    • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

      Should read: “Flying home today to finally see Granny who has been in the hospital for the past two weeks. She’s made a turn for the worse and I need to make one last appearance to ensure being in her good graces. Plus, I might as well leave since I’m not invited to any of the private parties at SXSW and am a laughingstock.”

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        @Orwell, exactly… I hate to say it but I bet Granny has been in the hospital this whole time – hence that tweet and changing her FB photo.

        She is gross.

    • CaptainGary says:

      Doing the right thing, but still sharing private details over Twitter and trolling for sympathy. Even when she does the right thing, she’s still a Donkey.

    • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

      I always thought it was weird that she said was going to be at SXSW for eight, nine days or something. That’s a ridiculously long stay in Austin, especially when she had no real reason to be there.

    • Solidarity cat says:

      I don’t get it….

    • Empty, Scheming Doll says:

      Didn’t get it myself…thought one of you lovely cat-ladies or -gents could provide some insight…

    • solidarity cat says:

      Ok I think I get it….some guy is saying that surely she must be trolling everybody with that ridiculous article.

      • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

        exactly. there are always quite a few when julia puts shit like this out there – who take the angle of why give her attention. just ignore and stop talking about her – make her irrelevant.

        i often agree with those folks, but mocking her is just so fun!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      I really like that post, because Christine Friar very deliberately makes the point that no matter fairly & unbiased how you look at it (“it” being Donkey, natch), it still comes down to how poor a writer Julia Allison is & how pointless her endless tripe of ME! ME! ME! is to most any discerning reader.

      • Kitler says:

        it still comes down to how poor a writer Julia Allison is & how pointless her endless tripe of ME! ME! ME! is to most any discerning reader.

        Sorry. Had to fix that for ya.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          XO, bunnie kitteh!
          (I was trying to be as generous as the author)

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        she’s defending her, basically. yuck.

      • Shamoolia says:

        Oh Jesus. All of this drivel (from Julia, Kate AND Caro) has nothing to do with New York. It’s called growing the fuck up. Everyone’s a wide eyed broke young thing at 22, no matter where you live. You look for friends, identity, brunch hangouts, you see if you like it, you change jobs, you move around, life happens. BIG FUCKING DEAL.

        • Admiral of the Burro Fleet says:

          All these are sure spending a lot of time Thinking About What It Means to Live in NYC. It’s a place – albeit a place with a rich cultural inheritance and history – and if you dislike more stuff about it than you like, you should leave. If you like it, great! Stay!

          If you can’t figure out whether you like it or not go eat some fucking pizza and chill out for a while. Then reach deep down into the heartbrain inside your chest and poke around to discover if you are feeling good. Are you having fun? Good. If you don’t feel good, are you ceilingcats? If so then stop eating pizza. If not, do you like pizza? If you do like pizza and are not having fun, consider that maybe you don’t like New York. Go eat pizza somewhere else.

          • New Year New You says:

            But if you eat pizza and then ask the heartbrain in your chest if you are feeling good and the answer is no, it could just be acid reflux.

            In which case please consult your physician.

            Alternatively, you may wish to try a different pizza topping or perhaps a vegan slice.

          • Admiral of the Burro Fleet says:

            Very important addition, thank you NYNY. Thank you for sitting with me on this panel “Parapatetic Pizzas and To Digital Nomads With Love Wong Foo Goodbye to All That Belt We Shared” here at SXSW.

        • daddy's $10k says:

          Well, let’s please stop and remember that this bitch was given $10k by her parents when she was 22.

          She was NOT poor by any means. I’ve *never* had $10k in my bank account before. And she didn’t even have to work for it.

          • ICrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

            Also, didn’t JABa move into some guys apartment right off the bat and then proceed to live there rent free for a year or so while she drove around in his car? Seems like she had only one apartment for a brief time and it was a rented condo w doorman and gym; hardly a walk-up w/ roaches.
            It’s as if Julia Price wrote this article on her own and then donkey just had her replace all the “I”s with “we”.
            Carrie wannabe aside, this is not JABa’s story at all.

        • Caroline says:

          Good point.

          I think there is something particular about New York, though, because it’s a city that allows you to put off dealing with growing the fuck up in a way that most places don’t. When I was 22 I had high school classmates getting married, buying houses with their new husbands, and picking the career track that they’d stay with for their whole lives, no questions asked — because in many parts of the country, 22 is an adult. In New York 22 is a barely overgrown teenager. Except that you look a lot dumber trying on new look-what-I’m-going-to-be facades at 25+ than you do at 14.

          And then, ideally, you realize it, and then you do grow the fuck up. What I meant to do with my response-to-Kate’s-response was to say that the fake-fantasy thing is all over the place in NYC and to raise my hand and say, “Hey, I was an immature idiot too.” I thought the commentary around the Post op-ed (which, trust me, I did not like) was starting to just mock anyone who moved here with a fictional character in the back of his or her head.

          I may be totally off base though, since my windows face east and I buy my caulk from Ace Hardware and that can’t possibly be a good thing.

          • solidarity cat says:

            East facing windows?? The horror! At least they don’t face north. 🙂

          • Donksers says:

            Caroline, I don’t buy in to your reasoning that just because you and some other people were as idiotic as Julia, it makes it okay. I realize that she is your friend and that you will always defend her, but I think you’re wrong on this.

          • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

            Caroline, I love that you frequent Julia’s snark site — along with all her other “friends,” no doubt. You may find Julia tolerable but you have to admit this site is hilarious as hell. The internet is full of nasty trolls, it’s true… but have you considered what kind of human being can draw the sustained ire of so many people? Even if we all are fat basement dwelling losers with cats?

          • Caroline says:

            @Donksers, that’s OK. We can disagree. I don’t always defend Julia, and the Post op-ed kind of made me cringe. A better take on it would have been “why a SatC spinoff is dated, uncreative, and unnecessary,” and yeah, I would’ve liked to see Julia tackle that topic instead.

            But I do think that New York cultivates youthful stupidity particularly well and that condescension of the “If you move here with a fictional ideal in mind, you’re dumb” variety can be just as bad as condescension of the “young ladies, remember, Carrie Bradshaw isn’t real” variety.

            @Orwell: Nothing wrong with snark. And never anything wrong with cats.

          • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

            Caroline, you are totally spot on about New York. I can’t recall the details, but I read an essay about a 40-something Manhattanite who was considering becoming a mother and she said something along the lines of children being rarely even seen outside of Park Slope… that she regarded them as curious alien creatures.

            A 32 year old friend of mine here in Chicago is constantly bemoaning his single state and his friends hassle him about “settling down.” He’s a successful guy who owns his own business — in New York, he’d be at Milk & Honey every night (or wherever it is that you people go these days). There’s definitely a Neverland quality to New York.

          • Dr. Gary says:

            ‘I may be totally off base though, since my windows face east and I buy my caulk from Ace Hardware and that can’t possibly be a good thing.’

            Well, there it is! Your Cat Lady ‘tell’. Welcome to the basement.

            *hands OMGBears! a grilled cheese sandwich, a bag of Cheetos and 2 vicodin (newcomers always get 2)*

          • Ca Ca Nails says:

            “And then, ideally, you realize it, and then you do grow the fuck up.”

            I agree with a lof of this. Who among us hasn’t been secretly bummed when you reach the point in life where the stars fall out of your eyes and you’re harshly and abruptly cured of your “SpecialSnowflake Syndrome.” But I think your sentence above is the issue so many people have with Julia and others of her ilk:

            she has NOT grown the fuck up. Instead she persists in writing these pieces blaming anything or anybody else for her failures–in this case an entire city–instead of assuming any kind of personal responsibility or acknowledging that just *maybe* her priorties were warped.

          • Donkey of Perdition says:


          • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

            Caroline, my issue with your response is that you turn the original piece into something its not, creating a justification to defend a message that is not there. What you’ve done is attempt to address the subject matter/point of view while divorcing it from what you know about the author of the piece. I don’t think its fair to do that.

            If you know as much as we (and particularly you) do about the author, then you know full well that you can’t try to dig for some deeper analysis or meaning in what she wrote. There are no metaphors. There’s no symbolism. And there’s nothing below the surface beyond exactly what she wrote.

            The Julias aren’t saying “hey, we were young and silly but now we know better.” JA literally meant that she wanted to be Carrie, she couldn’t be Carrie and therefore New York City sucks. And in telling that “story,” the two of them revealed so many vile things about their own behavior, again without at any time suggesting they were immature or wrong for acting that way.

            I get that you are friends with JAB. But she will never learn if “friends” like you search for the even the smallest hook on which to hang a defense of her words and actions.

            Aw, who am I kidding. She would never learn regardless. Sociopaths can’t learn.


      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        [RE] the line “if you’re coming to NYC to be a TV character, you’re doing it wrong.”:

        OMG! BEARS! says: I just think that’s condescending, because having over-the-top, crafted-like-fiction expectations is not and should not be unusual when someone is young, wide-eyed, and moving to a city that has been as heavily mythologized and reinvented as New York.

        Points lost in my book w/ that insight, Caro — you’re basically saying that one can be out of touch w/ reality, if it’s NYC they’re coming to? No. That’s called being ill-prepared to deal w/ ‘real life’, & it very well may explain why you & Julia Allison have a couple of shared fails under your respective (& in her case, ‘stolen’) belts.

        • Caroline says:

          Point taken (longer response above). I have many fails under my belt and am the first to admit that when I was 21-22, I was VERY ill-prepared to deal with real life. So are a lot of people at that age, and the culture in New York is great at letting you prolong your immature foibles while seemingly thinking you’re “making it” in what the same TV shows and movies have told you is the toughest city in the world to live in and only the strong survive and blah blah blah.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            Hmmm. See, I think the propensity to prolong immature foibles is more of a character flaw than it is a direct result of where you hang your hat, but I suppose rationalizing it as ‘regional cause & effect’ is an easier pill to swallow than beating yourself up about years wasted putting off the inevitable.

          • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

            “I think the propensity to prolong immature foibles is more of a character flaw than it is a direct result of where you hang your hat.”

            Agree! Come on, we’re talking about someone, a Donkey, who landed in NYC with $10,000 as a small starting out gift from her parents and knowing they would bank roll her rent if she couldn’t make it. I know none of these kinds of people.

            In NYC, I found people my age worked their fucking asses off – took internships in addition to a full time job and still managed to hit the gym every night at 9pm. I didn’t find anyone trying to prolong their youth.

            What a bunch of sad sacks.

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            Anyone who is still hanging around with–or actively seeking the company of–Julia Allison is just a suspect person. Sorry. One of those other things you learn when you grow up is to jettison the narcissists and blood-suckers and just plain dumbasses because people WILL judge you by the company you keep.

          • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

            Seconding @ShesJustStupid’s point. My dad always told me “if you hang around shit long enough, you start to stink like it.”

      • Records Custodian says:

        Among the many layers of batshittery in that bizarro NY media world (along with the delusions of self-importance) is this weird, stubborn belief that you should never apologize for being a shitty, wretched human being. I don’t know where else this exists but in the gross, grimy fishbowl of NY media.

        Caro, it sounds as though you acted like a wannabe asshole for a good deal of your 20s. Sounds as though you learned from it and are much less of an asshole these day. But just because you now realize that you were an asshole doesn’t mean your behavior wasn’t awful and wretched. It was. Julia’s was and still is. And you are defending her to defend your own prior shitty behavior and attitude.

        So really, you sort of missed the most important lesson of your 20s. They are supposed to be humiliating upon reflection. You shouldn’t defend it, you should actually be ashamed of it. That’s how you learn from it, and that’s how you build on the lessons from it. That’s how you impart wisdom from it.

        Caro is more like Julia Allison than she would like to be, which is why, I suspect, she is defending a ridiculous piece, written by a ridiculous person, who left NY without an ounce of respect by any of the people who knew her well.

        • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

          Bingo (wings).

        • bitchface says:

          In addition to all that RC says above, is that you are publicly giving her accolades. We all know that controversy stirs up page views = opportunities and sponsors. For her, the only response she cares about is no response. Tweeting, linking and writing about her, all of which you’ve done in the last week, just make suspect that you were defending her to garner internet SEO love.

        • Caroline says:

          “So really, you sort of missed the most important lesson of your 20s. They are supposed to be humiliating upon reflection.”

          They are, actually. And of course I’m ashamed about anything genuinely shitty I ever did, whether public or private, as any decent person should be. Being an asshole and doing things that hurt other people is not acceptable. Being young and naive and trying to chase a dream that you eventually realize is an illusion is something that just kind of happens, and happens particularly well in NYC. I worked hard at a low-paying job, had no financial help or cash cushion from my family, and still took longer than I should have to get a clue. Yeah, that impulse does stall when you’re surrounded by people a decade older than you are who are ostensibly “successful” and are still partying six nights a week and thriving on internet drama.

          If I’d had someone giving me the straight talk and saying, “Look, you’re after a fantasy, just like thousands of other young people here, and that comes with the territory, but if you consider X and Y and Z you’ll realize that it’s not going to make you happy or fulfilled or productive,” maybe things would’ve kicked into gear a few years earlier (granted, if I had to put a date to the end of my short delusion that being an “internet personality” was my goal, it was the summer when I was 24, so I was still pretty young).

          Oh god. I’m navel-gazing. Time to stop. Thanks for the conversation and constructive criticism, everyone. Happy Monday.

          • 24 is not young! In what la la fairytale land is it ok to still be acting like a fucking idiot at age 24? Jesus fuck, if my son still acts the way he’s acting now, at 24? I will be gravely disappointed.

  27. MY Place says:

    I think this is my favorite part:

    “I think at the end of the day what’s pissing people off about this piece is that it’s so brutally unaware of the privilege of even being able to worry about things like shoes. How frivolous and silly she seems to be admitting she was at 22, while still operating in more or less the same realm of shallow interactions. She’s still doing all the same things, but there’s granola now, guys.”

  28. The Manta says:

    That picture is the first and last time she ever held a Sony Vaio.

  29. jc says:

    Let me put on my tinfoil hat for a moment. I wonder if she’s just feeding people outrageous rumors and stories to see what, and thereby who, leaks info to this site.

  30. brayjustalittleharder says:

    Donkey hating all over the internets.

    “If you don’t have that, you really have nothing because in the end, you really will just be that person with piles of ashes floating around all your burnt bridges and dated designer shoes that are now being sold at Crossroads for 1/4 the original price.”

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      Donkey gets served in this article – both this one and the one from Kate were reblogged over 300x each – it’s really unfortunate that the Post shut down comments.

  31. Subsidized Donk Den says:

    From their op-ed:

    “If you want to be in the scene, you’ve got to stay in the scene. We had to go out nearly every night just to maintain being considered for these invites. The drinks, the cabs, the clothes — pretty soon you’ve maxed out your credit cards.”

    Is this confirmation that Donk is in credit card debt, as we suspected?

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      Someone on her facebook called her out on that and said “oh, please, like you’ve ever maxed out your cards.”

      • Albie Quirky says:

        She said she did in that stupid documentary, and for once I didn’t think she was lying.

    • JuliaCleaver says:

      yeah but supposedly she gives BJs to get shoes, etc..I guess her BJs were not all that spectacular

  32. ShesJustStupid says:

    Oh good lord….what’s she on about now?

    JuliaAllison “There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny.” – Steven Pressfield, The War of Art
    34 minutes ago

    JuliaAllison “Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes … How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?”
    37 minutes ago

    JuliaAllison “In truths that she learned / in times that he cried / in bridges he burned / or the way that she died?”
    39 minutes ago

    JuliaAllison “Measure in love. Measure your life in love …seasons of love.” I’ve listened to this for 15 years; the older I get, the more it resonates.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      I’m guessing that GrannyMoneyBag$ has passed over & Deep Donkey pays her respects by taking to twitter to sum up the woman’s existence in cliches. 🙁

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      I really hope Granny has not passed… but Donkey knew this was coming, hence her tweet about your life changing in a phone call and posting a FB pic of her and Granny – she had her choice between time spent with her grandmother or to talk about being a couch surfing lay about.

      Nice job, Donkey.

    • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

      Well, she can’t very well tweet: “FINALLY! MY INHERITANCE HAS COME!”

      • Prof. F Camping says:

        she should be singing “I’m in the Money” instead of quoting lines from Rent.


      • New Year New You says:

        She might as well, it’s not like we don’t know how transparent she is anyway.

        “Flying back to Chicago, as NuttyGrannyMoneybags is in hospital. Just doing some online shopping here while I wait, OMG NEW CHANEL BAG AT LAST BITCHEZ!”.

        “I gotta trustfund, you haven’t got one. ‘Cos you on welfare, I gotta trustfund. REAL YSLS THIS TIME HOAARZ. WOOT!”

        • New Year New You says:

          Speaking of which, what happened to Nuttygrannymoneybags the commenter? Did she die?

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            Dunno, I’ve wondered that myself (wasn’t she also the grapefruit gravatar?) & at the same time, I kind of think that she morphed into Handbag Hairball (excuse me for mangling that moanica / monika / moniker, I’m sorta trashed w/ lack of sleep).

      • Dr. Gary says:


    • Handbag Cohen Stuffed With Hair says:

      I am deeply upset to see she’s quoted Stephen Pressfield’s The War of Art, which is actually a very good book and has been important to many students of mine over the years. I can’t believe there’s a single chance she’s read the book itself; she must have found this quotation online somehow. She is so much the patron saint of laziness and fifth-rate minds, a part of me believes she should be legislatively forbidden from the Internet, to protect All The Girls.

  33. Already Pantless says:

    This whole article/aftermath reminded me of when I worked in NYC. One of my least-liked coworkers dressed as Carrie Bradshaw for Halloween (this was during/right after the height of SATC popularity).

    She made a big deal about shopping for her outfit, which she talked about in smug, self-congratulating tones. It was clear she felt this was her moment to shine, to show the world who she *really* was (i.e., a fictional character on TV).

    The day after, we asked how her costume went over (my coworkers and I had been encouraging her so we could have something to laugh about). With a look like a days-old, deflated balloon, she said, “When I asked people to guess what I was, they all said a TOURIST!”

    Even more hilarious was that is was pretty much accurate.

  34. Bravo? says:

    Is this whole Bravo thing really going to happen? Haven’t they been talking it up sinese 2008? Sounds like they passed gas on this ass.

  35. Jimbo says:

    I’m digging this backside view of her in jeans!

  36. Donkicles says:

    How do I say this delicately…. does Granny = $100k? And she needs a better explanation for it?

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