Consider this: Instead of rambling to a sparsely populated conference hall like last year, this year Donk piggybacked on someone else’s talk in a sparsely populated hotel room.
Progress?
And at the same time she was riding the coattails of some rando “social media consultant,” the most visible exec at “her” network — Bravo’s Andy Cohen — was at a panel on the fusion of social media and TV. It was an event she was pointedly NOT invited to participate in or to attend, insiders say.
Hmmmm.
Ba na na na do do do do do ba na na na do do do do
Whoever said she looks like a bloated corpse was spot-on.
What happened to her face?! I know, I know, fillers, no sleep, etc. etc. etc. but is it even possible to suddenly bloat up in your face like that? Is she having an allergic reaction to being around employed people? This looks so… impossible. I have never seen anyone’s entire face swell up and I’m more than a little freaked out.
I know. I LITERALLY gasped when I saw this pic. It makes me angry (unreasonably, yes) at her parents or anyone who is allegedly her friend, for not getting in her face about this.
I cannot believe someone so vain keeps doing this to their face.
I would suggest coke bloat, but I don’t think she can afford class-A drugs.
I sincerely hope that she is not ill, and that it’s just her standard no sleep/laxative abuse/scheme juice fermentation combo.
I mean, that is the face of a 300 lb woman and she is clearly not overweight. IT’S SO UNNATURAL.
Like like like like like like like like
I love that she was talking about Jack McCain and how being a digital nomad worked for her relationship – yes, it kept him from figuring out you were crazy later rather than sooner. But wasn’t this supposed to be talking about your career rather than your boyfriend?
Relationship experts talk about their relationships, duh
She will take any opportunity to talk about Pancakes. I truly feel for him. He’s stuck with her until she finds another guy to torture. FOR SOME REASON, she’s finding it hard to convince another man to date her.
I’M NOT RANDOM
Christ, she didn’t name him, did she?
Did she manage to work in the Wired cover from 2008 too?
She was on the best selling wire cover, save three, dontchaknow?
Jack was her career.
**dying of laughter**
Oh, sweet irony.
It’s like I was there. (I wasn’t.)
who took this ineffable pic?
Did she look into the Ark of the Covenant?
Oh fuck yes.
I love this!
This is just too sad. I can’t stand to even look at her.
Then I remember she’s one of the meanest, nastiest most vindictive cunts ever and that she deserves all of this. HI JULIA!
She keeps adding volume in her face. Maybe she’s hoping it will balance out the volume of her braying? If you fill in every wrinkle, freeze every expression line, and throw in cheek implants, and lip injections you lose all character. This is what happens when you fill up everything until your face is just a squishy round ball of fake. Not unlike her heart.
I feel like she needs to immerse her face in a tub of icewater to reduce the swelling. It’s like she’s got the fucking mumps or she’s having an allergic reaction to something. What? The? Fuck??
Did she get stung by a thousand bees?
Lulz!
Why is this the funniest gif I’ve ever seen.
I don’t know either, but it is one of my favorite things ever, and whoever made it is a genius.
Oh laws, when Oprah does that little bees dance I die.
It doesn’t explain all the fucked upness, but she looks exhausted. Take care of your mood disorder and get some sleep for the love of fuck.
Exactly. How many years have we been advising this? GET MEDICATION, DONKEY! SLEEPING PILLS, MOOD STABILISERS, SOMETHING, ANYTHING!
It will never cease to astound me that she thinks injecting shit into her face is less harmful than dealing with the chemical imbalances in her brain.
A little lexapro and a nice trazadone at bedtime would work wonders, Donks. Check it out.
OMG. I was there and tried to snap a photo but NOTHING I captured quite encapsulates it as much as this. She hijacked this woman’s panel and THANKED her for sharing her story (despite the fact SHE organized it). She conveniently left out living in Chicago semi -permanently and then crinkled her nose when someone mentioned Path (one of her supposedly OMG best friend’s companies). I.just.can’t. The face, the gestures, the talk track. FACE PLANT in front of a non crowded room of 35 people at the Courtyard Marriott.
MORE PLEASE!!!!!!!
Please say someone took a video this year.
She thanked someone for speaking at their own panel? God, that is beautiful.
Typical. She barged in, stole someone’s tiara, and then thanked her for her trouble. ASSHOLE.
See also: “licked someone’s cake.” Right? This is the equivalent of barging into Randi’s birthday party, making like it’s hers, and licking her cake to mark her territory.
It is so perfect, the “thanking” Erico O’Grady for sharing her own story which was the premise of the whole fucking Courtyard Marriott “panel” or whatever the hell they called it.
and yes I am feeling particularly dyspeptic tonight. Aren’t you???
Did she mention Pancakes by name?
That face is just horrific!
no, she didn’t mention his name, just “my ex was in the military”
It’s like when she did that local Chicago news interview when she skulked back home to live in her parents’ place, and was talking about people using social media in dating, just WAITING for the anchor to ask her who she was dating. She’s DYING to be “forced” to utter his name.
She’s like that Kristin Wiig “Don’t make me sing” character. “Don’t make me talk about my rich and famous ex and the home we shared.”
Bingo (wings)!
@Edward R. Burro
LOL. Yes!
well, thank god, she showed some discretion for once in her life. glory be.
“At age 50, every man has the face he deserves. ” – George Orwell.
I want to marry this comment.
But seriously. She HAS to know how fucking hideous she looks. The picture on http://juliaallison.com looks NOTHING LIKE THIS FREAK.
Here’s another one. Her outfit is cute.
http://instagr.am/p/IAAT3bk9L7/
Agreed. If you can get past the bloated face, her outfit looks cute and appropriate for once.
Oh dear. O’Grady appears not to be “tiny and cute.” How humiliating for a donkey.
I am shocked that she seems to be a grown lady significantly A Donkey’s senior. I had assumed she was young and foolish in her Donkey fandom. Now I see that it was either A Donkey or those horrifying “reborn baby” dolls or rescue squirrels.
Erica is “nice but dim”. She has a habit of getting into online flirtations with men and then tweeting every thought she has about them, every snippet of every text convo they have, quotes from “The Notebook,” etc. I almost feel sorry for her. No filters, and not in a good way.
Click on the full version of that pic. HER FUCKING FACE!!! OMG.
JuliaAllison “If you’re funny enough or smart enough, you will succeed on the Internet.” -@McCainBlogette during @shiralazar’s show at #SXSW
18 minutes ago
I guess this explains Julia’s success! Walked right into that one, Donkey!
Oh Jesus Christ these three. Shut up Tits McCain…no one thinks you are remotely funny or smart. I CANNOT. Three useless twits right there.
Sometimes it’s easiest to notice and value qualities you don’t yourself possess. Making it Internet big usually takes humor and/or smarts and/or expertise AND (not or) a lot of flair for aggressive self-promotion. Julia and Meghan McCain have plenty of the last quality and none of the first three. And Meghan didn’t mention expertise because she’s an anti-intellectual cunt.
Didnt mention him by name but pointed out he was in the military and that it just worked bc they both didn’t have a home. And her new wingman Julia was of course in the front row.
Oh yes, it worked so well! Because there was so much trust! So much trust that she’d barely spent any time under the same roof with the dude before she was hacking into his phone and email.
She is such a mammoth fraud on every fucking front. Karmaface indeed.
This woman is in her 30s and counts what… 5 months of screwing some infant long distance as a relationship that “worked”? Julie, that is pathetic.
Was half the audience catladies? Seems so.
The pic was my view but I didn’t take it, I swears.
Her roomie was there. Totes skinny.
The chairs all faced the center of the room to facilitate discussion but Julia made everyone sit in front of her “to promote conversation” but really she did 75% of the talking as if leading a panel.
She’d go off on tangents about herself and the (sincere, naive) attendees would ask her questions that she couldn’t answer and she’d keep digressing. There were some real “digital nomads” (wtf?) there and they were more informed and interesting.
Erica O’Grady seemed very sweet.
A few points:
- she said fuck and shit a lot
- she’s really loud and everything was about her
- her hands really are something
- definitely has fillers in the face
- said she went to burning man instead of Paris because it “felt right” (no mention of being sick.)
- said she’s not a trustfunder (nobody asked)
- brings up Tim Ferriss’s book as a good one and one of the “real” nomad people shut that down
- mentioned her “military boyfriend” and how they worked well because neither had homes. (She forgot about the home they shared I guess.)
There is more but my takeaway was that she’s is mentally ill.
“- said she went to burning man instead of Paris because it “felt right” (no mention of being sick.)”
HYSTERICAL!
Thanks for the intel.
‘she said fuck and shit a lot’
Her sailor mouth always surprises me. Does she think it makes her seem more ‘cool’ to cuss like that?
Would love details re: the questions ‘she couldn’t answer’.
Her excessive use of “fuck” and “shit” while talking to a group of people reminded me of a video that I saw a long time ago…maybe on RBNS? She was in the audience of some kind of discussion panel and wouldn’t shut up with her comments, so the woman who was leading the panel asked if she’d like to come up and join them. She did, and WHAMO…she took over the whole thing. Everyone else on the panel might as well have left because from that moment on, it was the Julia Allison show, and I’ve never heard so much “fucken this, fucken that, fucken, fucken, fuck, fuck, shit, shit, shit” in my entire life. She was trying so embarrassingly hard to be edgy and had absolutely no clue how big of an ass she was making of herself in front of all those people.
2008 SXSW
http://gawker.com/365674/julia-allison-crashes-sxsw-explains-it-all
http://blip.tv/heather-golds-videos/heather-gold-gossip-panel-sxsw-2008-751364
You are good! Thanks, Professor.
Damn IT.
nice try doc G!
I have to say, Heather Gold is an asshole, narcissist, and idiot of the highest order. So fuck her, too.
Yes! That was at SXSW, 2008. Back when she thought she was really hot shit. It Heather Gold’s ‘Gossip Panel’. Can’t find the video, but there’s this:
http://tinyurl.com/842kcw4
I LOVE it when she thinks she’s hot shit because that’s when she’s her most self-absorbed, heinous, unbearable, crazy self and provides the best material for RBD!
Love this snippet of the article:
Gawker’s Nick Douglas followed shortly thereafter to comment in Allison’s defense: “Julia really has tried a lot,” he said, referencing her tendency to explain all the fraught incidents and interactions she’s chronicled in her blogs. “What she hasn’t tried is not talking about herself,” to which Allison hollered an interruption. Of the lone guy defending her. “I fucking stopped! I don’t have a Twitter. I DO NOT have a Twitter!”
That whole incident was disgusting. I think she abuses the fact that most people have more tact than to tell her what an inconsiderate bore she is to her face.
Also, I read the linked article for the Sarah Lacy interview, and she sounds like a bit of a monster, too. I’ve never paid much attention to her, but cripes what a twatruffle.
Anyone who goes to Burning Man instead of Paris is just an idiot. Sorry.
This.
I could not agree more.
I agree, but I’m so glad she wound up at Burning Man. If she had gone to Paris, we wouldn’t have one of my all-time favorites…the herp derp dance!
Speaking of Ferris, there is a panel called “The 4-hour Work Week is BS.”
As well there should be.
i also loved how she recommended going to an ashram after someone brought up eat pray love. i think she said something along the lines of “i wish i had gone all out and gone to an ashram in india instead of upstate new york. which, by the way, if you haven’t been, go to an ashram”
Ashram, how can it help?
xlnt!
#MMBH update:
Have been invited to @gawker “smallest party @ #sxsw” – dare I walk into the devil’s layer [sic] tomorrow night? Pls advise
also, she’s tweeting at Rick Perry about how awesome he is and that she’s proud to have him as governor.
The devil’s layer – sweet Jesus.
And Rick Perry – sweeter Jesus.
The devil’s layer….ha! I know there’s a lot of love for MMBH these days on RBD, but geeze….she is so stupid. It never stops, it doesn’t even let up!
Her innovative manglings of English never cease to delight.
Pride in Rick Perry, not so much.
She really is a dumb fuck. Also guaranteed no one will pay attention to her. Get the hell over yourself sweets.
Yup. Gawker doesn’t give a fuck about Beach Hair, and they probably don’t know who she is. Most of the writers from that era are long gone.
The Devil’s Layer Cake
coming out of lurking in the shadows to say…I made that cake for christmas in 2008 and people STILL talk about how fucking awesome it was. incredibly labor-intense but it resulted in oh such a delicious outcome.
How embarassing that she’s proud of Rick Perry. What could be worse, being proud of Sarah Palin as your governor? There really isn’t much, even GW Bush wasn’t as big of a retarded shithead as Rick Perry.
One enduring lesson from Julia, MMBH, and Meg O Lantern? Money can’t buy class. Or a functioning brain.
Two words: Chris Christie.
Eh, he was a very good prosecutor at the fed level and isn’t a vacuous waste of space like Perry. He’s wrong on the gay marriage issue, but that seems like posturing for a VP nomination to me. To me he’s a lot less worrisome than someone like Perry or Palin… or Santorum for that matter.
Devil’s layer? LAYER ??!?
#GeezEffenLouise
CDB, I love ya man, but MMBH needs help.
She’s wandering around looking for a walk-in cake to park her new tits.
Oy, the stupid is contagious
#tagCloseFAIL
No. No. Please not re: Rick Perry. Mary, come on!! You’re a Bible-thumping evangelical Christian now? You’re a rabid pro-lifer? You’re opposed to same-sex marriage even though some of your closest friends are GAY???!??!?!?!? Of course you’re not, you aren’t, you don’t! Vote in your interests, Mary, not because of how your parents have always voted!!
Sorry, I just cannot believe any woman of our generation is any of the above unless she’s a fucking freak and/or actually 55.
Bob, have a talk, and please make sure she saw this bullshit:
I commented on her Facebook page about the Rick Perry bullshit.
I don’t get it and agree with you
She has so many gay friends! Imagine how that makes them feel!
p.s. Not trying to start anything between you and Mary. I like her, and she looks great in orange! But this strikes me as really naive and ill-considered. She thinks she likes him — hell, I found myself feeling affection for him during that one debate when he was so proud that he remembered the three agencies — but she has to remember what he stands for!
yea I have a problem with it.
I don’t know ANYone in Texas who doesn’t have a problem w/ pRick Perry, & yet the mofo got re-elected. Sorry, MMBH, but you’ve just magnified your lack of intellect X 10,000.
That is so true. I know this lovely Republican couple in Dallas — dyed-in-the-wool, lifelong Republicans who ADORE W. to this day — who fucking hate Rick Perry. Like would seriously vote against the party to get him out of there.
Then again, the Bushes hate him too.
I really don’t understand how anyone could be a Republican unless they’re a member of the 1%.
Mary is giving me the sads today.
MaryRambin: Nice to see you @juliaallison @bravo party #sxsw – cant wait to see your show! ·
Mary, you’re better than that, dude. Or, so I thought…
Between this, and her love for that imbecile Rick Perry, I think I’m going to have to rethink my feelings on MMBH. Damn.
For some odd reason, there’s been a major outbreak of Mary-love on RBD lately. I think she’s an idiot.
I don’t think anyone’s denying that she’s dumb. They just like that she’s doing better since never-ing the Donkey. And that, even during the TMI days, she told Donk off a few times.
This “Bible-Thumping Fucking Freak” still loves you Jacy, despite your stated view. Will just leave it at that.
It would be great if all these douchebag bible thumpers acted more like Jesus and less like the Pharises/Farisees/Farahseize (oh hey, MMBH). Maybe care about equality and access to medical care for people alive now, instead of restricting access to contraception and dictating what people can do with their own bodies.
I didn’t say “freak,” I said evangelical Christian. Are you one? If so, you are going to hell for reading this blog.
I know tons of moderate Republicans and love them. They are among some of my closest pals. But the evangelical Christian faction that has taken over the base thanks to Karl Rove? They are not Republicans.
The best thing that could happen to the party is that Obama crushes them in November, the party is forced to deal with the base and someone like Rick Santorum leaves to start up his own evangelical party. That would allow the GOP to return to its former self — as Jon Huntsman said, a “compassionately conservative” party of big vision and big ideas.
Otherwise, the GOP is dead. Hispanics will never vote Republican as the party exists now. And Hispanics now out-number African-Americans; it’s the most rapidly growing voting bloc in the country. Unfortunately, the evangelical wing of the party thinks Hispanics are thieving devils.
Good luck with that.
p.s. I love you too.
p.p.s. Onto the Donkey!
And where IS Reader Becky these days, anyway?
Unfortunately, I know of many Catholic Hispanics who still hold to the Republican party line. The abortion/birth control/religious freedom issue is having exactly the intended effect of distracting the devout from the real ways they’re being screwed.
Why in the world would Meghan tweet this? Does Julie have dirt on her?
@McCainBlogette
Watching my friend @paulcarr read from his book “The Upgrade” with the lovely @JuliaAllison! #SXSW
@McCainBlogette
Rainy #SXSW with the lovely @JuliaAllison pic.twitter.com/DTSuqC40
Oh shit.. I didn’t refresh the page so I posted it again! D’oh, where’s the AK?
Awwww…but we both posted it at the exact same time. So Janx! are in order. But no AKs.
look at the fucking spackle on these two nitwits.
Julie’s face looks less bloaty in this pic. But her mouth looks like an anus.
Excuse me whilst I go #vomintheshower
Meghan McCain must hate her brother, right?
Is there any other possible explanation? I’m stumped.
Maybe she wants some Bravo exposure. I’m guessing Miss Advised will sure as shit be a one off and gone, but for all these fame hungry morons, why not kiss a little ass now in case a Donkey becomes the next Betheney Frankel. (LOL)
I have tried to find out and have been stonewalled. I honestly do not know, but you’d really think she must have issues with him to indulge this lunatic who caused him so much grief.
I can’t believe there are grown-ass women who are still doing THAT FACE. Megatits is revolting.
http://thechive.com/2011/05/19/these-senseless-duckface-crimes-must-stop-47-photos/
oh god, warn me before i click over to see two huge pink puckering assholes. actually make that four assholes – the lips proper, and their owners.
No, you’re not watching your “friend” Carr read from his book. You’re Tweeting, and not paying attention to him, you dizzy jerk.
So after all the crazy shit Julie did hacking her brothers phone and laptop, Mega still hangs out with a donkey? Damn..
“We’re watching @PaulCarr read from his book, “The Upgrade”! RT @McCainBlogette: Rainy #SXSW w/ the lovely @JuliaAllison http://pic.twitter.com/eDqHt3BM“
Mega has gorgeous skin, I must say.
Well, to be fair (or is that ‘fayer’, MMBH?), it’s stretched damn tight due to the gravity of her megatits.
Yes, I bet it’s the best skin of any girl on her shift at Hooters.
I say that because bish looks/is trashy, not because of her breast situation.
I’m unaccustomed to Donkey being the least fake- and trashy-looking person in a picture.
And tons of it!
The smug, “take that, haters!” look on Donk’s face is priceless.
I’m hoping she’s portrayed on Game Change tonight.
What are they 16? It’s redonkulous to make faces like that. Then again they did go watch Paul Carr speak and he amps up the douche in anyone in a room
Dead dead dead dead dead eyes. Both of them. Dead.
Did she get a golf ball implanted on her cheekbone? There’s enough space between it and her crooked anus mouth for a whole other face.
OT- Game change is on in .5 hours. I am so excited and been drinking all day in anticipation.
OMG! Me too!!!!
That makes three of us. I’ve remarked all day on the relative silence on Facebook about this before realizing my real friends kind of suffer in comparison to RBD peeps.
Also, I really loved Friends With Kids last night. It was smart and witty replacing “You had me at hello” with “fuck the shit out of me.” Totally unexpected rom-com territory.
Currently drunk dancing with my dogs to the A-Team theme song, it’s gonna be awesome.
Strangely, I’m really feeling for that woman at this point in the movie. For the first time ever, I see her sympathetically.
Me too. And if she’d been everything they thought she was, she would have been an awesome choice. But she was just so in over her head, and what was she going to do? Say: “Hey, I want out of this!”
Right! It also shows how much a woman in politics has to deal with both the “hard” politics of facts and subjective ideas of her own sexuality. i.e. you must be both smart and pretty, no lipstick on a pig.
Best line of the night: “When you’ve lost the moral high ground to Dick Cheney, it’s time to rethink your entire life. How does he eat wearing Darth Vader’s helmet, anyway?”
Well, she could have realized that she was spectacularly unqualified before she accepted but that would have required both self-reflection and a desire to put the country ahead of her own ambition.
True. But pathological narcissists, and she seems like one to me, don’t think they HAVE any limitations.
She should become some kind of pro-life advocate for the disabled. The stuff re: her Downs syndrome boy, and how genuine she was to people in the crowd on that issue, was the most moving and powerful to me. And people who covered her at those stops say it was the real deal.
She should stop thinking she’s a politician and become an advocate for something she believes in.
She is a narcissist and that’s why I didn’t feel sorry for her even though Julianne Moore’s portrayal was very sympathetic.
She’s always been an advocate for something she believes in — herself.
Um, except she cut special needs funding by 60% while she was AK gov. 60%. She talks the talk, doesn’t walk the walk.
That’s true.
Everyone but me is probably watching Game Change now. We don’t have HBO because we just can’t get it together to watch enough TV to make it worth it $$-wise. Now I am sad.
Also, my huscat is in the other room reading a comic novel (apparently by Dave Barry and Alan Zweibel) and howling with obstreperous boy giggles.
It’s kinda dull so far…
It’s the classic three acts 1) the buildup 2) the implosion 3) the resolution. It’s also an honest assessment.
OT: my cat lady is online line looking for free knitting patterns. Any suggestions? Thanks!!
Ravelry has a lot of free knitting patterns, and Lion Brand yarn posts some on their site as well.
Thanks!
The difference between Donkey, Beached Brains, and PorteRico..
3 brain cells…
All three seem to be lacking even one..What? Their daddies forgot to buy some?
Mary may have dumb politics, but she sure does look amazing right now. She’s at SXSW with her boyfriend, sporting that ‘in love’ glow.
IS HE HOT???
Of course!
he’s cute! they were being snuggly and affectionate with each other like normal couples. not too showy, just normal.
BTW, I post this mostly to contrast with Donk. Incredible difference.
I hope she ends up at C. Robert Cargill’s movie premier tonight with McCain. They will be skewered by the film geeks from ain’t it cool news where Cargill writes. I am sure Donks won’t have many other options as she is probably persona non grata to the cool kids parties.
Interesting that she wasn’t even invited on-stage for Shira Lazar’s show. Her friend Shira is the host, yet Meghan McCain was invited on with Andy Cohen. It’s almost as if Bravo is already ashamed of this hosebeast. (But you didn’t hear it from me…)
In the meantime, Donk tweets like crazy that she’s at the OMG Bravo show that anyone could get into. Step the fuck off, asshole, it’s not exclusive. You’re frozen out already.
The same goes for the Bravo party – as easy to get into as Donk’s gaping maw.
Shira Lazar @shiralazar Close
Stop by the #SamsungSXSW Blogger lounge for a live chat w/ @McCainBlogette @BravoAndy 4pm youtube.com/whatstrending
Retweeted by Meghan McCain
I bet Bravo has enlisted McCain as a friendly handler. She would love her own show but it probably chaps Donks ass that she was not on air with Andy. BTW many SXSW attendees are swooning over him on twitter
Point blank: There’s a reason why Shira Lazar was not allowed to have Donk on her show with Andy Cohen. Julia Allison is a liability to Bravo and they know it.
Then how or why did they let it get to this point? Are they hoping to milk the trainwreck while avoiding association (“we’re laughing at her, not with her!”), or did they just discover she was nutterbutters after the ink had dried on the contract?
The fact that they’ve been shooting this long – they were supposed to wrap several weeks ago – says it all. She sucks, they know it.
@MUMPS?? (amazing handle, btw)
Do you have inside info?
You could say that, Dr. Gary – especially since you managed to embed that pic earlier.
Well if they know she sucks then the show will be over fast. I honestly hope some guy sees the show, falls for donks, puts a ring on it and she goes away. I can also hope she sees what a mess she is and gets some help but she won’t.
I’d bet pesos to pancakes that she will never go offline. She will broadcast her life forever because she cannot live without the attention, even if it’s overwhelmingly negative.
I agree.
While everyone else is watching Game Change, I went back and read The Greatest Love Story Ever Told by Julia Allison. It is absolutely mind boggling to read the overly-sentimental, dramatic garbage she wrote, keeping in mind that their LOVE STORY consisted of, what? Seeing each other in person a couple dozen times, if that? She is one deranged donkey.
“I wanted it to be him. I really did. I think he wanted it to be me. But just wanting something really badly isn’t enough, sometimes. Loving someone so much it hurts isn’t enough.”
And you know what else, Donkey? Love means never having to say you’re sorry! This is great reading if you feel like laughing and barfing at the same time.
May 07, 11 8:37pm
Permalink
some news.
Jack and I broke up yesterday.
I am heartbroken.
I am heartbroken for so many reasons. Because I loved him. Because I loved our relationship. Because I loved the future we had planned out together – the adventures we were going to have together. The challenges we were going to face together. I thought they were large, but I spent a lot of time figuring out how to make them surmountable.
I loved the way we had begun to weave two very disparate lives together into something resembling a joint life.
I loved sitting on the couch with him while he studied and I worked, or he studied and I read, or he studied and I napped. He studied a lot.
And I loved that about him. I loved how seriously he approached his work, I loved his dedication. I loved how passionate he was about flying, even though when I met him, I knew nothing – absolutely nothing – about it. I knew nothing about the military in general! But, as bizarre as it seemed to people who had known me to avoid any movie even remotely including violence, I loved learning about this strange new world. His passion was infectious, and no matter what question I asked (and I had a lot of them), he seemed to know the answer, and be able to explain it in a way I could understand. I loved that about him.
I loved his honesty and his loyalty and his unbelievably humble approach to life. Jack doesn’t have an egotistic bone in his body. He is kind. He is disciplined. In an age in which many of us have fallen pray to narcissism and self-involvement (including and most specifically me), he is the anti-thesis of that. He values service above all else. I had never met anyone quite like him. He helped me see how caught up in this false … whatever it is I had. Bravado, maybe? Insecurity masquerading as boastfulness? Self-involvement? He didn’t do it in words – I just had to be around him, and it became clear that the way I had led my life these past few years wasn’t the person I wanted to be, now, or in the future. He allowed me to see some aspects of my life clearly for the first time.
When I met Jack, I didn’t think this relationship had a shot in hell of working out (and I said as much to him!). Him, in the military for the next eight years (at least!). Me, ready to settle down in a serious relationship. Him, 25-years-old. Me … well, not 25. Not 25 at all. Him, in a stressful and demanding job that would take him away for long periods of time, including a three year tour in Guam, half a world away (with deployments from there). Me, attempting to launch a new column, unsure of where I want to live, but pretty sure it eventually involves San Francisco (where his job would never take him).
And yet, he reassured me about all of my concerns. I would bring one up, he would shoot it down. He was ready for a serious relationship – we talked about what kind of life we could have if we stayed together. But I kept trying to reconcile these two life paths … and I couldn’t. Him achieving his dreams would crush mine. And me achieving my dreams would crush his.
We could have continued, happily, for many more months, until he went away to Guam, and then I could have visited him, and we would have tried hard to make it through. But a few weeks ago, he got his schedule for the next 24 months, and it was more brutal than he had ever anticipated. Reality set in for both of us. And the reality is that his life is not conducive to a relationship. He will have literally no time for me, very soon. If it were just three years, that would be one thing. That would be really hard, but it would be possible. But it’s not. It’s eight years … and maybe more. When he looks down the line, the truth is, he doesn’t know whether he wants to stay in the military or not. And I don’t think – as much as I respect the incredible women and men who are military spouses – I don’t think it’s the life for me.
And so we come to yesterday. I started the conversation, not knowing it would end where it did. I told him how grateful I was for everything he had taught me, for everything he had brought into my life. I am. I told him how much I loved him. I do love him, very much. He is one of the most amazing men I have ever met in my life. I loved being his girlfriend. I don’t remember the last time I was this happy.
But as we talked, it was clear we both knew if we didn’t end it then, we would end it eventually, and because we loved each other, the longer we went, the more intertwined our lives would become, and the more painful the break-up. That’s the “logical” side of me talking. The illogical side has been crying for about 24 hours straight. Am I okay? No. I’m not okay. I’m not at all okay.
I’m heartbroken. I don’t know how else to put it. I don’t want to date anyone else. I don’t want to be with anyone else. And yet, I know I can’t be with him. So where does that leave me? I don’t even know.
I woke up this morning hoping it was all a bad dream. I even told him that I changed my mind, that I thought we should just keep going until Guam. I cried and cried and cried some more. But he – being the smarter of the two of us – told me that our logic was sound yesterday, and that extending it when we knew the ending would just create more pain, worse pain down the road. I know he’s right, but I hate it nonetheless.
This is an amicable heartbreak, as silly as it feels to write that out. We will stay friends, absolutely. We love each other, and have no desire to leave each others’ lives as people. And yet, right now, I look at him and all I see is my boyfriend. So this will take some time.
I will be in Coronado for the next few days. As some of you know, I had moved in (we made that decision over SXSW back in March). I will move all of my stuff back to Chicago on Monday.
Then what? I don’t know.
I wish I could show you how I’m feeling. I’m just raw. I’m exhausted. It hurts, bad. I thought he could be it … and I was so ready to build a life with someone. I wanted it to be him. I really did. I think he wanted it to be me. But just wanting something really badly isn’t enough, sometimes. Loving someone so much it hurts isn’t enough.
I feel broken.
And really, really sad.
“I loved sitting on the couch with him while he studied and I worked*, or he studied and I read Us Weekly, or he studied and I napped. He studied a lot.
(What I’m saying is, I’m lazy, there. Get it?) Or when he napped, and I studied his web history and email account. Such good times.”
*Bwahaha.
The fucking melodrama was OFF THE CHARTS with that one … huh, I wonder why, it couldn’t have been because he was semi-famous, could it, and she wanted to milk her association with him to the hilt?
I knew, I just knew, she was grossly exaggerating it too. It reads just so fake. And sure enough, she was!!
We love each other, and have no desire to leave each others’ lives as people.
There you have it, full disclosure as to why Donkey remains a jackass.
“it became clear that the way I had led my life these past few years wasn’t the person I wanted to be, now, or in the future”
Yet she went back her same old self-involved, narcissistic, bragging, name dropping, inconsiderate self in no time. Donk does not change.
Never ever ever ever ever.
And don’t think the guys who date her, and to whom she swears she is changing, don’t totally see through her bullshit the minute she’s uttering it.
“Couple dozen times” seems too generous. I would guess closer to a dozen.
LULZ.
Hey, JA is mentioned in the Shira/Andy/Tits video at 5:20:
http://whatstrending.com/2012/03/live-show-sxsw-2012-meghan-mccain-andy-cohen/
Dunno what to think of their reactions; there certainly is a bit of giggling…
Such an awkward moment! Shira gestures to the unseen hosebeast and Cohen barely acknowledges JA. Distaste? Does he even know who she is?
I don’t know. It seems like he knows her, no?
Yes, I think so but Mr. Adorable sure didn’t go out of his way to say hello or nod or really even acknowledge that a donkey was part of the Bravo family.
Fair enough…
The thing that baffles me the most is the Donkey/Megatits friendship, which does seem to be very genuine.
They are genuinely interested in catching a bit of one another’s spotlight, and that’s it.
They all clap for non censorship, donkey hee haws “BRAAAAAAAYYYYY” which is why Tits mentioned her. Julia was practically begging to be acknowledged so Tits obliged. Cohen is obv annoyed and seems generally disinterested in being there. Shira was fawning over him to an embarrassing extent. “I’ve known you forever.” Oh lord.
Exactly. That was her Heee-hawwwing about no censorship. How strange, however, given she’s tried to censor this blog and its commenters for years.
Cohen barely acknowledged her. Think about how many nagging emails from Donkey must have been in his inbox over the years. Imagine the freakout when the original Bravo pilot failed because test audiences hated her? He must have learned the hard way not to engage her and make his underlings deal.
I mean, it doesn’t seem like he hates her…Anyway! Interesting.
He looks exhausted. No sleep. Donkey’s regime doesn’t work well for non-burros. Hoping we get some intel here.
Um, er, oops! Regimen! A donkey regime is too frightening to even contemplate.
Came across this gem from sxsw 2009 on youtube…has this been discussed?
“I think of myself as a class clown.” Whoa.
The whole thing about her just wanting people to laugh and how she “overestimated people’s ability to see through to the real Julia” is bananas. You aren’t Andy Kaufman! You aren’t deliberately making any social commentary with your super sad life!
Exclamation pointssss!! (I’m really tired, you guys. Happy Daylight Savings!)
Julia Tweedledum and Julia Tweedledee have a piece in today’s NY Post, “Carrie’d Away! A warning to a new generation of women — don’t let ‘Sex and the City’ ruin your life”.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/opedcolumnists/carrie_away_F2mbhFEqbCj9cC52y8wAFO
It’s hilarious how Julia constructs new autobiographies to hide behind.
Wow. How of the moment. They’ve really tapped into a major concern for women in 2012.
Seriously, does Sarah Jessica Parker even think about SatC anymore?
Sadly, yes, she does. Decided to take an (arguably) good TV show that ended appropriately and insult the fans with two awful movies.
I’m pretty sure the NY Post goofed with that pic of them. This is clearly the one that should run alongside that “article”.
Ah nothing better than some post facto justification for why she left, or was basically forced to leave.
Also, I think that “sanatorium”* should be co-opted for some sort of Rick Santorum-related insanity defense plea (seriously, he’s not gonna get nominated, right? RIGHT?!? I’m so embarrassed for my birth-state FOR REALZ, YO. He terrifies me.) (Although maybe if he’s nominated that’d be a good thing because then Obama would win? Please, God-I-don’t-rilly-believe-in, I don’t ask for much.)
*(even tho I grew up spelling it “sanitorium” the fucking dictionary sites say that this spelling is acceptable)
The question being, who wrote this? Or rather, what did the original look like?
(Second byline billing? Countdown ’til she demands a correction…)
I suspect Robin Baugher still writes anything of Donkey’s longer than three sentences. I mean, what else does she have going on, and I bet it gives her a bit of a thrill to see her name in the publications Donkey shams her way into.
See her writing, rather.
Boy, that piece doesn’t come anywhere close to describing my or my friends’ experience with New York City, aside from the limited income and what it affords you when you are young. How about the stories of the vast number of people who come here to, you know, build careers?
How on earth did this piece even come to be?
“There’s a creative energy flourishing [in L.A.] that seemed to be stifled in New York.”
What the frocke? I just left New York City after 17 years, and what I miss most is being inspired by the creative excellence of my fellow designers and challenged to always push my work in new directions. The bar is set pretty high and the competition brought out the best in me.
Was I in a different New York City?
This thing piece of crap is disgusting….and the column is pretty bad, too.
She spends HALF the column writing about how fabulush and importhant her life was in New York. Half of it! She could have gotten that all out in 2-3 sentences…but then again Julia Allison is a retard who couldn’t write her way out of a paper bag.
And honey, you can try to remember the past any way you want, but we (and The Bravo producers! Hi, team Bravo!) both know your raft ass FLUNKED OUT of NYC after you burned/destroyed/wasted every single genuine friend or opportunity you had in this city.
Also your face is completely fucked now. Enjoy the next 20 years of your life.
How dare you! Julia Allison is a famous writer/author/journalist/traveler/woman-in-tech/founder/ceo/herpderp dancer. She deserves some respect!
Two women in their 30s get tired of the superficial, youth-obsessed world of NYC so they move to . . . LA? Yeah, that’s really going to resonate.
This article reads like they are conjoined twins. Dull ones, at that.