The Runaway Pancake, A 2011 Year In Review: Continued

I am going to take over from my dear lover JP, who is having a hell of a year running errands at his desk and is also suffering a debilitating case of Donkey Lethargyitis Maximus, something that strikes many of us as we watch the tedious “lather, rinse, repeat” of Julie Albertson’s pathetic existence, and yet, never me. Paging Dr. Freud!

Anyway, when we left off, Donk had just used up every possible weapon in her arsenal to shut down RBNS, including Dadsers and “Jack McCain’s Lawyer,” because she had recently managed to obtain two jewels — a column-writing job at Tribune Media Services, and the aforementioned McCain. She desperately wanted any online recounting of her chronic vileness scrubbed clean from the Internet.

She failed when RBD rose from the ashes like a griffin a couple of weeks later.

And so to provide an even better cover story for the McCains, she attempted to become the poster girl of online bullying, disgustingly comparing herself to actual teen bullying victims who were beaten or killed based simply upon their sexuality.

This way, you see, she could suggest to her new employers and to the McCains that oh no, OF COURSE she wasn’t a notorious gold-digging self-obsessed slothful grifting fame whore. We were simply haters, hating her for no reason at all, because in fact, she was a blossoming Republican — not “very liberal” anymore but simply a sweet girl who “tries not to have political views” and loves to wash dishes with the church ladies. Can’t you see, Cindy? She’ll make a fine bride one day!!

In late January, Tribune Media Services announced that Donkey would be their new social media columnist, although the Tribune itself seemed to regard the news with as much disdain as the supposed cyber-bullies. Donkey brayed triumphantly with typical hyperbole and exaggeration. She’d be internationally syndicated, and appearing in 100+ newspapers around the world! Wow! An actual job, and a famous boyfriend! Life was looking up for a Muppet!

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYGw1upGu68']

And when life is looking up, Donkey becomes particularly cunty and doesn’t hesitate to shank a bitch. She demanded a correction from the Chicago Tribune and got it. She wrangled several out of the New York Times for correctly describing her as a onetime sex columnist. But she saved her best for the bitch who mocked her for Tweeting WHY DO MEN STILL RAPE WOMEN after the Lara Logan incident in Egypt. When her Twitter follower pointed out correctly that Donkey only weighs in on such issues when they involve celebrities, Donkey showed her ass in the worst and most chilling way possible.

A few months later, by the way, she was playing along with Tucker Max’s rape joke about her. Yes, so very personally affected by rape, our Donks.

With the first Tribune Media Services column slated to appear in early March, her true colors emerged on the work ethic front too. Donk began soliciting publicly for a slave to basically write the column for her in addition to a host of other laughable NonSociety chores, pretty rich considering NonSociety — a COLLECTION OF HORIZONTAL-SCROLLING BLOGS, don’t forget — was already well in the throes of a slow, painful and embarrassing “no fuck you money for you!” death. Oh honey. Another unpaid intern? It is to laugh.

As the column launched, with only a handful of papers picking it up, Donkey continued her online bullying screeds. She even appeared at SXSW in a meandering, pointless whinefest that was ridiculed by many in attendance.

She wrote about the terrible scourge for her TMS column, and vowed to devote her life to wiping it out (OMG — what a great First Lady cause!!!). Even Daddy weighed in publicly, enormously embarrassing himself professionally since he failed to mention he was writing about his own daughter’s latest How To Lock Down A Man scam.

And about the man. Ohhhh boy. He was the greatest love of all, y’all. She’d NEVER felt so loved! So loved that she was sneaking into his phone and email whenever they had any face time together! And yet she blogged and Tweeted the crap out of the relationship, violating every possible privacy, as though they were passionately, desperately in love and no love had ever loved like this love loved and OMG how they loved, they loved, they really really loved. Even though any idiot could tell from this Tweet alone that Pancakes was beginning to see just how profoundly self-absorbed and stupid she is. I am sure the campaign against sugar didn’t help on that front.

Julie Albertson, Girl Guide cookie in hand, mid-Sugar Should Be Outlawed Campaign. “I was just holding it!!” she claimed.

Shockingly enough, she was soon dumped and dumped cold after they spent perhaps a grand total of two weeks together, since Donk was in Sweden for part of their precious time together on a sponsored trip that she failed to blog about as promised. Donkey being Donkey, she latched on like a barnacle and refused to leave Cindy’s condo in Coronado until Pancakes ordered her out, even buying packing materials for her. Her Tweets and blog posts were revealed to have been gross exaggerations that he later told people were aimed at improving her image, either to her “fans” or her family.

And yet when she was dumped, she carried as though her husband of 35 years walked out on her for his 22-year-old yoga instructor; strangely enough, exactly the same way she did when Prom King dumped her ass just 10 months earlier. She also made sure to leak news of this breakup — and her vacancy of the “home they shared” where she paid no rent, did no household chores and was apparently a rude, lousy house guest — to various news outlets. And, of course, she wrote a TMS column defending “ethical snooping.”

Yet somehow, SOMEHOW, haters, she survived the worst heartbreak the world has ever known and carried on!! Eternally single, her summer seemed to consist of of attending other people’s weddings while weepily posting wedding photos on her own blog, as always. I won’t get into all the weddings because they’re too boring, but Dave and Brit Morin’s in Montana was a cornucopia of Donkey Goodness. She wore this to a Western-themed wedding:

And she got some exercise and believed she was special for it:

But it got worse. In August, she decided she was 14 and developed a full-on lesbian crush on Taylor Swift.

With her insanity on full display and her column getting progressively more adolescent and pointless, Donkey bested the too-tight Taylor Swift jean shorts and the hideous cowgirl outfit, faked illness, bailed on a longtime commitment to go to France with childhood friends and literally showed her ass at Burning Man:

The entire Burning Man episode, indeed, was Donkey at her most insane. There was such a   barrage of DERP DERP photos, screengrabs and Donkey-isms that it’s hard to reproduce them all here. Just remember, bitches and assholes, there is no judgment in Black Rock City.

The funniest, however, is how she wrote a TMS column lauding herself for “going off the grid,” and then proceeded to post a billion half-naked photos of herself online, opening up her Facebook so that people could see them and even directing strangers to the photos via her Twitter. Such a frightened bullying victim, our donkey.

We’re not sure if this was the turning point for TMS, but by September, her craptastic column was failing to appear. But the end of October, sharp-eyed cyber-bullies noticed a  news release on the TMS website revealing the company had decided not to renew her contract. It vanished about 15 seconds after it appeared on RBD. Daddy still pulls some strings!!

Why was Donkey so nervous about the truth being revealed? Because she’d just inked a deal to appear in a Bravo reality show that required her to have a job as an “advice” columnist. Which explained why she took her crap-ass column into lame Q and A territory, I guess.

Before long Donk was grifting a moving company — they’re still waiting for their blog post, apparently — and had moved to L.A. with a brand-new OMG BFF SISTER TINY AND CUTE DOG SITTER room-mate, Toilet Julia, also known as Flusher Price. Her new bestie, an aspiring bad musician, was apparently motivated by the modicum of attention she might receive as part of the reality show. She’s about the only one of Donk’s many “friends” who would sign a release to appear, something that caused Donkey to suddenly espouse feminist principles.

But it wasn’t an entirely new beginning. Old habits die hard, and Donkey wasn’t finished messing with her exes. First she ran into [REDACTED] at a Burning Man reunion, and physically accosted him. Then she brayed publicly that Pancakes McCain had called her, suggesting he might be back in her life. The truth, as always, bore no resemblance to Donkey’s version of events.

Donk’s move to Marina Del Bray has been largely unremarkable except for her Single White Female desire to date a musician and her apparent inability to function as a normal adult.

Bright side? At least Lilly is no longer being dragged through various airports to shit on the carpets of strangers while Donkey has loud sex on their couches. But other than that, it truly is another year of lather, rinse and repeat. More professional bridges burned, another relationship in ruins, another frightened ex who just wants her to go away, another tiny-and-cute BFF who will be history in a year, no lessons learned, no professional or personal prospects and an injected face that gets more fucked-up looking with every passing day.  Can’t wait til the 2012 review!!

p.s. Angry, sort of sad adults: This took me AGES. I know I have missed things. But if anyone starts any comments saying: “I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T INCLUDE …” I will set the homicidal kitten on you. This bitch does something psycho once a week. If I wrote about every single thing, I’d be here til Christmas.

 

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203 Responses to The Runaway Pancake, A 2011 Year In Review: Continued

  1. LEFOOLIEH says:

    FUCK YES.

  2. Diabetic Feet says:

    About to light up a fatty and dig into this sucker…

  3. Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

    She’ll make a fine bride one day!!

  4. Who do you think you are? says:

    Just revisited the rape scandal post & comments. Jesus christ, what a piece of shit she is.

    • Jack the Bravo Bulldog says:

      That was the post that turned my southern stepmother into a cat lady! “Did you read what she told everyone about her mama?!”

      • Helena (Ouroboros of Fail) says:

        It was quite an eye opener for me too.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        LOL …

        :: waves to the mama bulldog ::

        Donkey has to purchase her Donkistani followers & here RBD is, amassing familial & generational ties among its real readership.

    • Edward R. Burro says:

      Here’s the thing! I sometimes forget what a total cunt she really is. I mean, it’s always in the back of my mind but sometimes all we have to comment on are her fashion atrocities and it can be easy to forget what a total sociopath she is until we have a brilliant review such as this to remind us.

  5. bitchface says:

    god, 2011 was such a good year……. epic, even. I fear it’s all downhill from here

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      Every time we fear it;s downhill – it JUST GETS BETTER. We thought things had been boring and she has been a fucking lunatic these past few weeks.

      PS, Bravo, Jacy, Bravo!

      One of my fav. parts, “…then proceeded to post a billion half-naked photos of herself online, opening up her Facebook so that people could see them and even directing strangers to the photos via her Twitter. Such a frightened bullying victim, our donkey.”

      Yes, and she checks in everywhere on Facebook – anyone who EVER had a stalker or was in “fear” would not say, sometimes twice a night – “yoo hoo, I’m at The Ace Hotel… okay, now off the the Gansevoort.” Bitch, please.

  6. Diabetic Feet says:

    Oh god the photo with the sign at the Taylor Swift concert is megapathetisad.comsad

    • Helena (Ouroboros of Fail) says:

      Creepy as hell, PLUS those shorts. And she went to public looking like that! I really kant.

  7. Shamoolia says:

    OT but hottie mc hotterson white sox player Gordon beckham is apparently friends / business partners with the fat melmans and so help me god I will weep if she exploits this and attempts to sink her fat sausage fingers into him a la “sipping water with Jay Cutler.”

    Also, Jacy you are a saint for slogging through this insanity for our enjoyment.

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      PS, reading the tip about her and Jay after knowing so much about a Donkey, it was so obvious she leaked it. “Julia was not drinking, she was only sipping water. ” < this repeated about five times. Jesus, we get it, Donkey.

    • One Fat Melman says:

      He will never the donkey!

  8. Effervescent Suppositories says:

    I love the Griffin rising from the ashes! Phoenixes are too cliched.

  9. Worrisome Pelts says:

    Brilliantly done, Jacy.

    Also? I will never be able to think of that anonymous sex in the desert festival as anything other than Burning Vag.

  10. Frequent Liar Miles says:

    Jacy, you are a hero (and what a fine wife you would make.) This was awesome and has reinvigorated my dormant Donk contempt to new heights. (I had completely forgotten that video where she pontificated about the whole Egypt OMG TWITTER PHENOMENON thing. And that horrible dress riding up her horrible crossed thighs.) This post was the psychological equivalent of the previous hideous Fashion Week outfits post — she is indeed as ugly on the inside.

  11. Albie Quirky says:

    Jesus wept, what a sad and tawdry life A Donkey has. You are a hero of the revolution for chronicling the horror.

  12. Jack the Bravo Bulldog says:

    Donkey defined as “a notorious gold-digging self-obsessed slothful grifting fame whore.” Oh Jacy, where to begin? Pulitzers have been won for less.

  13. For the reference to the NonSociety blogs, shouldn’t it say horizontal scrolling, not vertical?

  14. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    OT but Jelly D Twattered that he broke a two week fast of no alcohol this weekend, I can only imagine it was due to a Full Blast Braying Donkey.

  15. DonnieDriveBy says:

    [img]http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz9ofvfMtU1qzr715o1_500.jpg[/img]

    • Donkey of Perdition says:

      [img]http://www.freefunlinks.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/today-we-learn-to-make-pancakes.jpg[/img]

  16. darling dearest says:

    Ugh I had completely forgotten about the “I was inside” nonsense. I should just remember that whenever I start feeling bad for her.

    • Can-Swiss says:

      That sad hooker red-dress made me feel a little sad for her. Then I remember she’s a total C U Next Tuesday.

      • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

        Me, too! The whole Valentine’s Day sadness made me wish I could say to her, “Oh, honey, please stop. There is no way that there is a person in the world who isn’t laughing at you right now” (seriously I bet even PettiFogger and Momser were all “Get a load of what she’s wearing now! Hahahaha! Be a dear and refill my drink”) then I remembered that she’s a huge asshole who deserves all the mocking she gets.

  17. LetItExplode says:

    holy fuck this is amazing. thanks jacy.

  18. oh, calm down Kevin; it's MONOGRAMMED!!!!!!!!! says:

    it is to laugh. although really, it’s not. it’s just sad, is what it is.

    spewing i’m not gonna get to see the shit-show that will be the Bravo entertainment unfold as it happens. i think that will really spice up 2012!

  19. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    I’m kind of guessing last night with her Jelly Donut didn’t go as planned or we’d be faced with a million ;) and Facebook photos every where. Odd she’s so quiet.

    Inner rage beast doing push-ups.

  20. Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

    Jacy, that was amazing. Ah. maze. ing. To think, we almost thought the first ashram might have corrected the cray. But 2011 was proof that the cray runs deep. Ineffably deep.

    • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

      And, Jacy, of course there is no way you can capture an entire years worth of mess, not with the force of this one. It is strong. That’s why you should rely on us to fill in the blanks. You have collective of “our memories”, too, so crowd source that shit. Not from me though. I have the memory of a goldfish. But from Afghani, maybe.

  21. Can-Swiss says:

    OT – Just looked at Huff-Post, no new* column by Julia Allison since the last one published on the 8th. I guess the 50* plus pieces she plans on publishing* are still in the queue.

    1* – Not new, just copied and pasted without even re-reading them from TMS
    2* – 50 might be more like less than 30.
    3* – Publishing is more like giving away the stuff you wrote almost 6 months ago for free to appear like you are a real columnist.

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      Did she really write 30 columns? I know the math works out to about that but I feel like she wrote only about 12 columns total, three of which were about fashion week.

      The grand total number of words and amount of research in this post alone outdoes everything Donkey ever wrote for TMS.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        We figured it was, at most, 26 or 27.

        • Can-Swiss says:

          That’s where I got my numbers from. But I also feel like there were maybe only a dozen or 15.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            We were watching pretty carefully and I don’t recall her missing any weeks except toward the end. So one a week for seven months, give or take a couple she missed. Most of them were entirely unforgettable, just phoned-in tripe and/or PR for friends, so we may not have posted on every one of them, but we were watching pretty closely.

        • Donksers says:

          She wrote 26 or 27 columns? Maybe I just wasn’t paying close attention at the time, but that’s a lot more than I thought she had written.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          Has the slate been wiped clean? I was going to count her columns, but the only thing I’m finding on the TMS website RE: Julia Allison is that tired old press release.

          Did you guys know that she was once a WIRED cover girl??? ZOMG!

          • Albie Quirky says:

            See above for the Sun-Sentinel archive.

            Just looking at them while I was cutting and pasting the URL reminded me of how terrible they were.

  22. iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

    Just when I was getting bored of JAB she put in the best year ever for donkey watching, and Jacey and JP covered it brilliantly. For someone reason the small things always stick out most to me. Like stealing young McCain’s belt and posting photos of wearing it after he kicked her out. L.I.U. !!!

  23. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

    OT question: RE: the Today Weekend show (or w/e it’s called) on NBC this morn, I’m convinced that I saw a picture of Kendrick & baby during a montage of asst’d family pictures … anyone else catch that?

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Oy. I found the video of today’s episode & while the guy does indeed look like Kendick, that baby is dressed in pink, & we all know that only Julia Allison would do that to her son. #nevermind

      • Donksers says:

        It’s pitiful the way Donkey still tries so hard to make the color pink a big part of her identity. She tweeted the other day that she was looking forward to sleeping in her “very pink bed.” It’s PINK, VERY PINK, so obviously she’s tiny and cute!

  24. Pink Ruffled Cheese says:

    That her face changed SO drastically from the cookie photo to the Taylor Swift embarrassment should warn any person away from injectable abuse. Her body grew thinner, but her cheeks grew bigger, shinier… hungrier.

    If the eyes truly are windows to the soul, Donkey is in trouble.

  25. مهنا الحبيل says:

    This is very stuff, when does she move back in parents

  26. K_Swizz says:

    Mama Jacy, you are truly doing the Lord’s work.

  27. JFA - Still no one cares jackasshole says:

    Her pelts in the Purple Dress video. Are literally insane.

    • JFA - Still no one cares jackasshole says:

      Did I see that on this post??! I thought it was linked…not I can’t find it. It was a talk she gave…the Learning Annex? Anyway.

      I’ll never get over the burning man ass shot. Never. Her deflated ass and chunky thighs. God her ass/thighs don’t even match – her whole body is just a series of mismatched parts. She deliberately turned around to pose so we could all see her ass. Ponder that.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        I can’t believe that Julia Allison “(Photo taken by me!)” Baugher posted her ass shot when it’s one of the most hideous asses to ever see the light of day. WHO DOES THAT?
        [img]http://i40.tinypic.com/pm3vk.png[/img]

        • JFA - Still no one cares jackasshole says:

          I don’t get her ass. Granted, like most women I have cellulite…but at least my bedonkadonk butt matches my thick thighs.

          You know what she has actually? MAN ASS. Seriously. Really small cheeks compared to the thighs. Kinda bizarre.

          • JFA - Still no one cares jackasshole says:

            And yeah body snarking is rude. But if you put your fucking ass online…you should maybe expect it. Such is why you will never see me posting my own ass anywhere near the internets.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            In that fauxto of Julia Allison Baugher’s nasty-ass filthy, grimy fake YSL’s in the aisle / isle / i’ll (Hai, MareMare!), if you look close, it looks like she even has a biggo cellulite dimple on the side of her freaking calf (implant) …

            It’s worrisome!

          • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

            Un-eff*able

          • Can-Swiss says:

            Hey body is like strange shapes. Sausage fingers, man-ass, wide-stance, stubby legs, bloated feet.

            So sad.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            Don’t forget her bobblehead …
            [img]http://www.figuresandgifts.co.uk/images/uploads/Dooley-Pets-With-Personality.jpg[/img]

        • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

          My ass doesn’t look anything like the “typical chick ass”, but I also wouldn’t be bearing it in public so I guess I get points for that.

  28. bitchface says:

    Does Jack McCain know his nickname is Pancakes?

    • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

      He must, I would think. Otherwise where would all that “CLEAN THE INTERNETS” and “CYBERBULLYING VICTIM” crap come from right after they started dating. They all must have known.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Yes.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      There’s no way in hell his buddies aren’t reading here some of the time, unless he has no buddies whatsoever.

      FlapJack knows.
      Mrs. Nutterworth knows.
      Yimmy knows.
      Megatits knows.

      • Donksers says:

        To me, Megatits is the big mystery. After all the shit Donkey pulled, all the lying and calling the McCain’s condo the home she and Jack shared, and refusing to leave even when it was way past time to do so, WHY does Megatits still gush over her on Twitter from time to time? It is to shower vom. I would think Mega would want to put as much distance as possible between her family and the overly-aggressive, deranged Julia Allison.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          I have never got an answer on that except for a vague suggestion that she and Pancakes aren’t very close. But I don’t know if that’s true or not.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            Heh. I suggested way back when that Megatits must hate FlapJack, if she intentionally made the introductions, & then when Megatits twatted that she approved of the *ahem* ‘relationship’, that only strengthened my suspicion that she’s trying to get him written out of the will.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Or else it’s a clever strategy from a media-savvy family to defuse the Donkey — that’s another strong possibility, and something that was suggested to me by someone close to the family. If all this idiot needs to be mollified is some mushy Tweet that not many people will read since Donkey is a nobody, maybe it’s a small price to pay. God knows the kind of rifling she likely did through the Coronado condo when Jack was at work, right?

          • Donksers says:

            “God knows the kind of rifling she likely did through the Coronado condo when Jack was at work, right?”

            That’s a scary thought, considering all the snooping she did on his computer and cell phone when he was right in the next room! Psycho bitch.

          • mcakez says:

            See, I’ve always suspected that Julia was using legalese when she said Meghan introduced them. Obviously she introduced them — they were both at her birthday party. Julia surely hovered around Mega’s ass like a mosquito all night, and since she and Jack didn’t know each other, they would have to be introduced through Mega.

            As for the “I approve of the relationship,” that does sound sort of humorously backhanded, if Mega hates her brother. However, I also think that we have little evidence that Julia and Mega ever spent any quality time together other than a lunch meeting here or there, and we have plenty of evidence that Julia is not only a complete sycophant, but also happy to badger the fuck out of someone to get what she wants.

            Like, “PLEASE confirm that you INTRODUCED us and that you love me and approve! Thanks bunny!”
            “Hey Megs, sweetie, still waiting for you to tweet! Love and miss you!!!”
            “Megs! Hey! Now would be a great time, for the sake of your family name, to make it clear that this relationship is NOT a fraud. Love you!!!”
            “Megs, TWEET THE FUCKING CONFIRMATION YOU SHITHEAD!!! LOLZ! Love you honey bunny!!!”

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            LOL, mcakez — now I’m imagining the movers giving serious consideration to tweeting:
            “Blog that testimonial for our company,
            YOU GRIFTING SHITHEAD!”

          • JFA - Still no one cares jackasshole says:

            I imagine she’s so heavily into motorboating herself that she probably doesn’t even notice that JA is a tremendous asshole. They remind me a lot of each other.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        We have heard via those close to him that he thinks it’s pretty funny. The nickname, the site, Chapters One and Two of the year in review.

        She must be so proud knowing that many of her exes read and cheer her snark blog. I even suspect some of them have tipped us.

      • bitchface says:

        do you think that Cindy and Meghan know they are Mrs. Nutterworth and Megatits as well?

        I don’t know why I find that so funny but I do!!!!

  29. AFGHANI says:

    twitter.com/tbanion24

    The son of the guy who gave A Donkey the free move to California keeps @-tweeting her. So sad.

    • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

      I find this particularly awful. Some small family business she screwed? Nice. I bet she didn’t even tip the movers.

    • bitchface says:

      account is locked?

      • Donkey of Perdition says:

        I noticed that too.

        Afghani twit friends with a random son of a mover who coincidentally helped JA move? Made it up? Simpler answer?

        https://support.twitter.com/articles/14016
        Why would I protect my Tweets?

        “If the idea of strangers reading your Twitter updates makes you feel a little weird, try protecting your Tweets at first. You can always change your mind later! When you protect your Tweets, the following restrictions are put in place:

        People will have to request to follow you and each follow request will need approval
        Your Tweets will only be visible to users you’ve approved, meaning that other users will not be able to retweet your Tweets
        Protected Tweets will not appear in Twitter search
        @replies you send to people who aren’t following you will not be seen by those users (because you have not given them permission to see your Tweets)
        You cannot share permanent links to your Tweets with anyone other than your approved followers
        Please note: t.co links, even those shared via DM, are neither private nor public. Anyone with the link will be able to view the content.

        • AFGHANI says:

          I’m not friends with him, I just added him to bookmarks because I think it would be funny if she got called out on the grifting. I follow a few others too.

      • The Final Rose says:

        Did the donkey get to him? :(

      • AFGHANI says:

        wow. he locked down his account right after i posted this.

        HILARIOUS.

        @tbanion24′s account is protected.
        Only confirmed followers have access to @tbanion24′s Tweets and complete profile. Click the “Follow” button to send a follow request.

        • AFGHANI says:

          And as far as I’ve seen, this guy’s account has always been public ever since he first tweeted @ julia. I have it bookmarked and I check it probably once a week, just like I check to see what some of Julia’s other grifting victims tweet @ her.

          I’m LOL-ing about this… I wonder if a) he reads here or b) JuLiar emailed him to tell him to lock his account down bc of haterzzz?

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            Here’s my dream: JABs told him to lock it up because she would SOON be using her services publicly to MOVE AGAIN. Right back to Chicago….

            Second choice: she told him to hold his horses until the reality show premiered because his company would be featured.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            2nd sounds about right & somehow she convinced him that *we* are the enemy, not *her * lying ass.

            I look forward to welcoming him aboard RBD as the credits of the last episode of Miss Advised roll off screen …

          • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

            How sad that he so believes his father will finally get credit as a mover that he is willing to do anything for a Donkey.

            If Donkey was going to take care of this manner in the right way she would not have to have him lock up anything. She knows she is going to blow him off and she doesn’t want the proof out there.

            I only care as it pertains to the father getting what he promised. She is a USDA certified cunt. Some people don’t have Momsers and Dadsers cutting them checks every week Donkey.

            PS, when you are alone and crying at night wondering why no man wants you, remember: KARMA, dear

  30. Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping says:

    one of my favorite parts of the year (and of course, there were SO.MANY.GOOD. PARTS) was when she brayed about having SO.MANY.WEDDINGS. to go to WITH JACK, and how will they schedule all of it?! and then…she attended all those weddings FOREVER ALONE!

    “Jack & I are having trouble keeping track of our weddings/events/travel schedule, but don’t want to use Google calendar. Suggestions?”

    another fave is the girl scout cookie fiasco parts 1 and 2 (part one where she posed with the cookie (above in the post) and tweeted about her favorite cookie, and part two where she threw cindy’s GS cookies in the trash so she “wouldn’t be tempted”).

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      Threw cookies you can only obtain once a year, THAT BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE, name;y, your boyfriend’s mother – IN THE TRASH.

      Psycho-koo-koo-hose-beast!

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        I love how Donkey thought she’d get away w/ hiking her back leg all over Cindy’s condo & possessions.

        She’s one demented cunt, our Donkey.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          Technically they weren’t his, they were his mom’s

          THEY WEREN’T YOURS EITHER, YOU STUPID ASS-FUCKER!

          • Donksers says:

            The cookie incident represents the way Julia lives her entire life. She does whatever she damn well pleases no matter how many toes she steps on, how many people she pisses off, or how many rules (both written and unwritten) she breaks. I know that blaming her parents is frowned upon by some, but they must have done a thing or two wrong to have turned out such an all-around nasty entitled brat.

    • JFA - Still no one cares jackasshole says:

      LOL. FC, that is a good one. “HI! THis is totally a tweet about shit I can easily google and not a humblebrag about how important my life is with my boyfriend Jack McCain. Can someone help find a calendar or something?”

    • JFA - Still no one cares jackasshole says:

      Also AS IF he were planning and sharing his planning with her. She’s a goddamn lunatic. MARRIED PEOPLE don’t even share calendars, do they? It’s called use your iphone and STFU.

  31. Worrisome Pelts says:

    OT: I’m giving up RBD and Facebook for Presbyterian Quasi-Lent (which exists only in the mind of its inventor, much like JA’s fame). When I planned this, I didn’t factor in missing the Bi-Polar Burro Crash. You catsluts better be on the ball so I have something awesome to catch up on when I reset my bookmarks.

    Namaste.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Worrisome, we will miss you! (And holy crap, Ash Wednesday is coming up; I really haven’t been paying attention.)

    • Donksers says:

      That’s a brave thing to do, Pelts! Just make sure when you return to RBD that you bring the glorious pig snout with you!

    • darling dearest says:

      I gave up the internet after 7pm for one lent, and I remember being so bummed I was missing out on birthcray fun in realtime.

    • Delurkin says:

      Prebyterians unite! Damn few of us left in the PCUSA clan.
      Might I suggest giving up soda for Lent instead of RBD.

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        My body gave up soda on my behalf a while back. RBD is he viciest vice I have left, so I’m challenging myself to let it go.

        The prospect of going without the fellowship of my catladies and gentlemen is far worse than any regret I might have about missing Donkey’s hijinx.

    • CDB says:

      if you promise to stay, i will give up the AK 47 cat for lent.

  32. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    Jacy, this is hilarious. I can’t believe you finished the whole thing!

    There is something QUITE ridiculous about this cunt threatening to get people fired, calling their workplaces, posing as “Jack McCain’s lawyer” to bully people who have nothing to do with this blog … and then going on the anti-cyber bullying campaign trail. How on earth do some of her less odious friends justify maintaining their ties to her? I always wonder about that, and since I know many of them read here, I’d love to hear any rationalizations they may have come up with. Better the devil you know?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Now we can move onto the BirthCray retrospective!

      • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

        You sure know how to turn a girl on, Miss Jacy.

        LOLing at her turning a dinner last week into her “BEST BIRTHDAY DINNER EVER” – even though it was a group and had nothing to do with her. Looks like she did the same on Valentine’s Day. What a fucking lunatic.

        • Donksers says:

          “THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER” almost had me feeling sorry for her, and that has never happened. I am always wondering if she actually believes all of her bullshit (which would mean she’s literally mentally ill) or she knows it’s bullshit and just wants everyone else to believe it. Either way, she’s in need of professional help. Unfortunately, her idea of ‘professional help’ is going to the ashram and taking pictures of the sky or prancing around Burning Man flashing her ass.

          • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

            I think “THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!!!!” is a cover b/c she knows she has no real friends and she knows a Birthday Ball ain’t happening. Now that Randi is out of the picture, none of those users are going to show up for just a Donkey.

            Hee Haw! So she wants to pretend a random dinner party with 5 kinds of chocolate bars is the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!! Take that, Haters!

            Donkey 1/Haters 0

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Well, she cleverly misspelled Meagan Marks’s name in the @ Tweet…

  33. Stramash says:

    Gah! Finally watching the Downton Abbey Christmas special. Are we discussing in forum?

  34. Diabetic Feet says:

    Hmm, what’s she up to now? She only show interest in charitable organizations and the like to impress a man (remember her interest in military families?). On her own she’s a 100% selfish bitch.

    JuliaAllison:
    @AthletesatNSN – I would love to help out! How can I donate?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      “How can we help, Ashton?”

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Julia Allison Baugher is the least self-sufficient asshat ever — anyone else would go to the twitter profile of @AthletesatNSN, click their website link, then from the website click the CHARITIES TAB & go from there, but no, “PEOPLE HELPING PEOPLE” is completely lost on on a self-serving donkey when it comes to Page One &/or Page Two of options to serve &/or donate …

      #Shes’sadickwad

      • Donksers says:

        She won’t donate a damn thing, not only because she’s cheap but because she’s too flighty to follow through on anything. She’s already moved on to something else, like posting more pictures of herself on facebook.

      • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

        She doesn’t really want to donate. She wants to get attention for appearing to want to donate. It’s like when she crowd sources for shit just to get attention for it, when anyone else would google like a normal person.

        This is more attempted #humblebragging.

        • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

          Bingo (wings!)

        • Scooby Don't says:

          I truly believe that Donkey thinks that by tweeting about charities and exposing them to all her Twitter followers, she’s done her bit for them.
          “I called attention to them on Twitter and all my AFF’s know about them now, what more do they want? Free publicity from a star like me is gold for them. They should be grateful I took the time out of my husband hunt and mentioned them at all”

          • Julie Booger's Crown Is Upside Down says:

            Exactly. This person thought faking up Q&As about such important topics as choosing a wedding tweeter and icky cell reception at concerts was all it took to keep a grown ass job as a TMS columnist. She is stupid, lazy, entitled, and insane, and in Booger World (population 1) that plus breathing is all that is required of her.

      • Rosalie says:

        Because she just wants to be on Page Six.

  35. Dr. Gary says:

    Just wanted to say thanks to Mama Jacy for continuing the 2011 retrospectives. Loving it.

    Also want to thank Jacy, and Papa JP, too, for keeping the site/cite/sight up for ALL THE CAT LADIES. You guys are the best for giving us a basement we can call home.

    • Donksers says:

      What Dr. Gary said! The 2011 recaps have been splendiferous, and the time and effort it takes to do it is very much appreciated.

  36. Stripper Shoes at Burning Man says:

    [img]https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/424592_10150554733445458_654695457_9317209_102265798_n.jpg[/img]

    • Stripper Shoes at Burning Man says:

      Been desperate to post this all friggin day. I feel better now.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      [img]http://www.purplemonkey.tv/assets/images/db_images/db_donkeyvalcenis1.jpg[/img]

      • Stripper Shoes for Blowjobs at Burning Man says:

        How did u find me?

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          Simple pimple, Porkpie!

          About the time your brays were heard echoing across the valley, the smell of stinky hooves encased in nasty yellow fake YSL’s came wafting in …

          #DX:_singed_nostril_ hairs_secondary_to_tinnitus

  37. mcakez says:

    Haha! That GM commercial just came on with the “We Are Young” song, and I asked brah, “Know who helped make this commercial?”
    Him: “Ahhggh. Is that why?”
    Me: “You know?”
    Him: “Well, I heard you listening to that video where SHE was going on about it the other day… so, she must be trying to bang some guy who made it?”

    brah doesn’t even read here and he knows her ridiculously transparent logic!

  38. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    Psychotic Bridge Burning Donkey…

    She just linked an article in the New York Observer re: things overheard at NYFW

    “Oh my god, I just had the worst interview with Kristin Cavallari,” moaned NBC Fashion Week correspondent Julia Allison.
    “I didn’t know she was pregnant, and when she told me, I just started laughing.”

    What a cunt. What is that a dig at Kristin Cav? Because a Donkey is yet again a “wife fluffer?” Oh, Donkey… don’t worry no one is ever going to see these interviews anyway.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      “I didn’t know she was pregnant, and when she told me, I just started laughing.”

      It was either laugh or cry …

      Jealous much, Donkey?

      • Dyspeptic says:

        Jealous AND Donkey-authenticating her claim to be an “NBC fashion week correspondent.” Check your facts much, Observer?

    • pearipathetic donkey says:

      She’s just mad that Cavallari has notoriety from reality tv and is knocked-up by/engaged to Jay Cutler.

      • Donksers says:

        Re The night Donkey met Jay Cutler:

        “He was sitting in a banquette and she was standing between his thighs, touching them and facing him. They were all over each other. It was kind of gross. He was drinking beer all night but she stuck to water.”

        Donkey touched Jay Cutler’s thighs so he qualifies as one of her exes!

  39. NonSobriety says:

    “@shiralazar – Randi & I planned a joint bday for Feb 28 in SF, but that is being moved because of a surprise. I’ll send you an email. ;-)”

    Discuss.

    (ting)

    • Scooby Don't says:

      How discrete. She tweets she’ll be sending an email. But has to get the first part mentioning RZ out to the world on Twitter.
      Pathetic.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        E-mail: Yeah, hi. Listen, just keep the Randi stuff quiet, would you? Obviously she would LOVE to do another bicoastal birthday bash but she doesn’t want to be away from her little bunny right now, so we’re not doing it this year. But OF COURSE we will do it again next year. But shhhhhh …. I don’t want anyone to think she isn’t still one of my closest, dearest darlingest friends … she’s like a sister to me!!!

    • supermassive black holes fka mule on rouge says:

      Why didn’t she @ Randi on that one, or at least name drop Zuckerberg? Troubling.

      The surprise is that Randi doesn’t know about any such plans.

  40. Fameless Shamewhore says:

    Gotta take a quick “errands-at-desk” break to add to the catlady chorus congratulating and thanking Jacy for this fabulous post. I truly find it hard to get my head around the fact that this all happened in just one year. And I do remember at the end of last year lots of us though that nothing could surpass 2010 in terms of lulzs. And yet…wow!

    I have had a *really* difficult year, professionally and personally, and this sight/cite/site has been a godsend and a comfort to me every single day. Jacy and JP, you have created and nurtured an extraordinary community. Sorry I can’t think of anything funny to say. Just feeling soppy. Lots of love and thanks from overseas xxx

    • supermassive black holes fka mule on rouge says:

      If it helps, Fameless, you’re not alone in the crappy year department. Things will get better! In the meantime, we can all make each other laugh as we comment on the brilliant posts from our fearless leaders.

      Thanks, Jacy, JP, Professor F, Cuntbunnies, and everybody who makes this place so awesomeballz!!!

      [img]http://i39.tinypic.com/16k5qpt.jpg[/img]

  41. Julia's Old Nose says:

    I also wanted to take a minute to thank Jacy and JP for running this basement — I ruv it so much, and even though I don’t get to comment as much as I used to (travel! desk errands!) do know that I read and your efforts on a daily basis are heroic!

  42. The Tortuous and the Hair says:

    JellyD, you better RUN!

    3:04 am PST andrew bancroft @jellyd:
    my drunken cover of “the freshman”… if you were born before 1990, you should know this one!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=nGkwCPAbvMQ

    3:19 am PST Julia Allison (facebook):
    A gorgeous cover by the talented Mister Bancroft.
    Brings me back to high school, too.
    the freshman- cover by jelly d
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=nGkwCPAbvMQ

  43. The Tortuous and the Hair says:

    fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

  44. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    JuliaAllison Is there a way to get out of appearing in court for a California speeding ticket? Can’t I just pay online? Grr.

    DEAR CALIFORNIA,

    YOUR STUPID LAWS DO NOT APPLY TO JULIA ALLISON! GET IT TOGETHER YOU SHIT HEADS!

    XOXOX,
    JACK MCCAIN’S LAWYER

    • mcakez: Taste the Passion! of Relationship Tofu! says:

      She probably didn’t read the fucking ticket that came in the mail. Yes, you can almost always pay online, and also you can usually pay by phone. You almost never actually need to appear. Additionally, if you haven’t had a ticket in years they will let you take a ‘driving class’ to get the point taken off your record, but I doubt that applies to her.

      Idiot.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        Since her stay in CA is only a temporary stint, she probably didn’t chg her license … maybe they don’t make it as easy on out-of-staters? Or donkeys?

        p.s. DONKEY!

        • New Year New You says:

          NO SPEEDING DONKEYS! [img]http://i.pbase.com/o6/93/329493/1/120832090.QbneCv3B.SudanDec093780.jpg[/img]

      • Random Snowflake says:

        I haven’t had a ticket in many years, but last time I did get one it came with an envelope to mail back a check if I wanted. But, mst times it’s best to show up for court because in most of the places I’ve lived if you show up, and the cop doesn’t, it gets dismissed.

        And really, what the fuck else does she have to do these days anyway? She has no job and not much else going on. More fucking special princess laziness.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        Maybe she got a mandatory court appearance summons for driving more than 100+ mph above the speed limit.

        • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

          Knowing a Donkey she has an out of state drivers license, that’s expired and no insurance on the car.

          A Donkey is such a Donkey.

    • New Year New You says:

      PAY ATTENTION TO THE LIGHTS JULIE![img]http://nerdnirvana.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/donkey-race.jpg[/img]

    • Diabetic Feet says:

      Oh I bet she is just the wost driver….smashing her hooves onto the pedals and staring into the pink iPhone…

  45. LetItExplode says:

    Jacy-

    Do you think maybe reading these year-in-reviews gives her pause? Like maybe when she sees everything together like this in sequence she’s actually like HOLY fuck I am crazy?

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      I don’t, LOL.

    • juliaspublicist says:

      This blog celebrated it’s third anniversary in January. What do you think?

      • CDB says:

        [img]http://i706.photobucket.com/albums/ww61/jajang_01/cat_chasing_its_own_tail-9845-12357.gif[/img]
        It goes on and on and on

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        JP – pitch perfect answer

        CDB – amazeballs illustration to a pitch perfect answer

        • Frequent Liar Miles says:

          Awhile ago my son sent me a crazy cat GIF, with the caveat “this doesn’t give you license to flood my inbox with funny cat pictures, though,” which of course I have specifically made it my life’s work to do. You, and your insane kitteh archive, have have saved me untold hours, CDB.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Exactly, my lover.

        It was last year’s Year in Review, too, that really sent her over the edge. She was terrified the McCains were going to see it, and that’s when all the threats and cease-and-desists started.

Comments are closed.