Oh Honey

Sometimes I wish I could sneak a look at God’s plan, just for a second …

Oh honey. God has nothing to do with your loser life and your inability to snag a rich husband. Neither do horoscopes, ashrams and Burning Man fraud artists. If you want to change your life, it’s pretty simple: Stop being a lying, man-hungry weasel fuelled entirely by scheme juices. Acknowledge aforementioned insanity. Get lifelong therapy. Get off the Internet. Get a job. Grow up.

Then “God’s plan” might be amenable to you. He doesn’t generally like do-nothing assholes.

p.s. Hey haters. Tipsters have confirmed it’s Elle where Donkey’s faux advice columnist blurb will appear. IT’S MONOGRAMMED!

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180 Responses to Oh Honey

  1. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

    (fueled)

    Remember when Donkey didn’t believe in God?

    • idiotbox says:

      That was when she was dating Lodwick. Feel free to relax. She now realizes that JL-esque guys would never marry her, so she’s going for WASPs.

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        I love a person (sarcasm) who so truly has no sense of self that she will subscribe and unsubscribe to God based on who she’s dating.

        Truly pathetic.

  2. Cowboys & Brayliens says:

    I wonder if God’s plan includes staying up and sending tweets at 4am EST. You know, treat your body as a temple and all that, Donk.

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      God just wanted to take a little break after miraculously curing her of a kidney infection. Jeez Julie, give God a break, will ya?

  3. Rosalie says:

    Scheme juices? Ew!

  4. ShesJustStupid says:

    She re-wrote this one. The original:

    Sometimes I wish I could sneak a look at God’s plan, just for a second … just to understand why.
    9 hours ago from Twitter – Comment – Like – Share

    • ks says:

      Of course. Because julia fucking allison is SO FUCKING SMART she could understand the “Why” of gawd’s plan. Bitch, just because your brother goes to MIT doesn’t mean YOU are smart. He ain’t that smart either, leaving those wedding videos up on the web where a person could just google his name and find them.

      The last time I heard people bitching about god’s plan, it was on tv and they were parents struggling to understand why the ALMIGHTY and LOVING god would let their child get abducted, raped, and murdered. What’s your beef? Why won’t Jebus let you into some retarded fashion show?

      Oh shit.. I feel the power. The glory. God is speaking through me Julia… Listen Close! NNNnuuuuhhhhhhhGGggghHHHSaaaAaffdaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
      The… reason… I… nugh.. didn’t…. let… aaaaarrRRggg… you… in… is.. because.. you… are… taaaaaaaaaackyyyyyyyyyyy… … .

      I’m spent. Place your cash in the basket and GTFO.

      • stalker is the new fat says:

        I placed my hand on my monitor whist reading this and all my warts are gone! THANKS KS!

      • Perpetual Donk of Shame says:

        ks , I just have to say- you are godlike amongst the posters. Once I finished imagining zombie god was speaking through you, I then relived my youth in the south replete with bible thumpers and those who speak in tongues.
        Now that I would pay to see- Julia dear heart hitting up a good old fashioned boondocks church.

        • ks says:

          I may have to trot God out every now and then. I miss having characters to write through.

          I think it’s pretty funny that as a frothy, raging atheist I could write the Bible on What Julia Doesn’t Understand About Christianity. Sample books include:
          * Why miniskirts in church don’t please Jesus
          * Prayer: It’s not for your financial gain.
          * The 10 commandments. Yes, they DO apply to you.
          * God is not your personal concierge.
          * God’s plan revealed: You are going to Hell for being a cunt.

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            Julia’s not the only one who doesn’t understand about Christianity. Except the miniskirt thing; I’m pretty sure God dgaf about what anyone wears.

          • ¿Qué? says:

            “* God’s plan revealed: You are going to Hell for being a cunt.”

            That one should be inscribed in stone outside a court house somewhere.

          • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

            I don’t know stalker, I think gods of all faiths have been pretty clear about wanting both women and men to keep their sex organs covered in public.

      • dd says:

        All of this.

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      “Just to understand why” – why what? what everything sooooooo bad happens to her? You don’t have fucking cancer Julia. What you do have is the results of your own actions. Oh, and all the Karma that is coming your way.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Sounds like she got rejected again by a dude. Why? See above, you dumb donkey!

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        Let me take a stab at this… Hmmmm, a Donkey badgered Andrew Bancroft to follow her on Twitter. He finally relented and read some of her BAT SHIT INSANE TWEETS. He was stunned into a state of insomnia because he wondered when Julia was coming around the corner with a hatchet. Against all sense of sanity he clicked her Tumblr and saw her latest post: Charlotte from SATC bemoaning that a white knight is never coming for her.

        He shart himself and swore he would Never a Donkey.

        I suppose.

      • ks says:

        Jacy, that was my thought too once I saw she tried to delete the “why” part. Wasn’t she just tweeting about “DERP I WANTED TO WRITE I MISS YOU BUT I WAS AFRAID THE DUDE DIDN’T MISS ME DERP”.

        She wants to know God’s plan guys. So she can ask why a dude would reject her. Not like, where did the universe come from or “why” reality exists, but how come a dude didn’t find her freshly fucked up face attractive.

        Donkey, when Jacy says “See Above” she means every word written on RBD, ever.

  5. ShesJustStupid says:

    So the Meghann couch that she’s on this trip is not the one in Tribeca, correct? It’s the one on the UWS.

  6. Jordache and the Pelts says:

    Next shell be tweeting about footprints in the sand…

  7. Scooby Don't says:

    Always ask yourselves WWDD?, then do the complete opposite.

  8. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    Canceling subscription. I am rally, really shocked by Elle. What about E. Jean? Maybe a Donkey is just going to be on their website? I don’t care, tell Joe Zee I’m done with him.

    • It makes sense. Elle in the US is published by Hearst, which also happens to own A&E. I imagine the “column” will only appear online while the show airs, if it does.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Oh, I really hope that E. Jean will go off on A Donkey. I love her.

    • New Year New You says:

      Yup, Elle goes on the boycott list. I will never stand in a store and flick through your dirty, donkey soiled pages ever again Elle Magazine. I would stop buying you but that happened a long time ago.

      • Prof. F Camping says:

        NEVER THE ELLE!

        [img]http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/gallery/x-all-the-things/x-all-the-things-template.jpg[/img]

  9. ¿Qué? says:

    Another day another bridge to burn.

    • solidarity cat says:

      This is a good way to look at it. Like every professional relationship she’s had, odds are this one won’t end well.

  10. bitchface says:

    awesome, thanks tipster

    Cancelling my subscription immediately. With prejudice.

  11. Reader Becky says:

    IT IS ALL HAPPENING! I knew that all of my emails and calls and certified letters and PRAYERS asking Julia to please please please let The Lord and Pastor Danny into her Heart would someday lead to this! I cannot wait to tell the Youth Group!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Donkey ain’t gonna let Pastor Danny in for no freakin’ Jesus sandals …

    • ks says:

      Reader Becky! I hardly recognized you without your avatar. Couple questions because I know you have free time..

      Does Jesus forgive Julia for the Easter Whore outfit? She has no shame about it.

      When will Christians stop worrying about the sins of non-believers and spend their time helping others?

      • Reader Becky says:

        Pastor Danny said that my Attachment to hair spray was a Sin, so I burned all of the old pictures of myself in the Hellfire display at the Pre-Rapture Expo in the church basement. I hope that some of you were Raptured, too, although I really shouldn’t say that. It’s a Lie because I know all of you are Evildoers. (And: yes you read that correctly, the Rapture did occur. You can’t even See it with your Shameful eyes.)

        Thank you for your Questions. I do appreciate the chance to Educate and possibly Save some of you.

        1. Pastor Danny says that One must Adorn oneself in Finery so the The Lord knows you yearn to be His Bride. (Although apparently Hairspray is not among those Adornments.) Since Julia is Desperate to be married, it would only make Sense that she would want to communicate her Availability. I believe that Our Lord as well as all of the Parishioners at her House of Worship are now Aware not only of her Openness to Marriage but also the exact configuration of her bikini wax on that Fateful Day.

        2. I worry about your Sins because I am Generous of Spirit. Like Julia, I provide gently used copies of Periodicals such as “Christian Cooking” and “Youth Group Weekly” to Charity. I Pray for you so that your Devil Cats do not Steal Your Souls in the Night.

        • Jesus Haploid Christ (of the Nazareth Christs) says:

          Reader Becky, I love you.

          But I’m not in love with you.

        • CDB says:

          I am lusting after Reader Becky in my heart and in my loins.

        • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

          Becky, you mean Basement Cat.

          [img]http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/funny-pictures-basement-cat-vs-ceiling-cat.jpg[/img]

  12. Worrisome Pelts #ad says:

    How has this tard not yet drowned in her own slobber?

  13. JFA says:

    I can’t fucking STAND her faux spiritualism. She’s so damn corny.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Indeed. There are only one kind of person/donkey who God at you with Julia’s particular style: unbelievably shallow people dealing with silly problems and trying to sound deep.

      • Powerful Moms with Fantastic Sons says:

        I’m getting Alexis from the Real Housewives of Orange County and her creepy husband vibes from Julia with this shit.

  14. Scooby Don't says:

    God’s still in shock from the outfit you wore to his place 3 Easters okay.
    I also understand he’s a little pissed that you tweet when he’s trying to talk to you through his bff.

    • Scooby Don't says:

      *ago not okay

      • mcakez says:

        To be fair, I don’t think she made the mistake of head-to-hoofing her last two outfits after the Easterwhore debacle. She probably did wear such atrocities for (at least) three Easters.

        • Jesus Haploid Christ (of the Nazareth Christs) says:

          It’s just embarrassing; My (powerful) mom doesn’t know where to look.

  15. Shamoo£ia says:

    Julia: DAMN IT, GOD! I SANG “AMAZING GRACE” 38 TIMES IN A ROW AND YOU WON’T REVEAL YOUR PLAN FOR MY LIFE?!?!?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!!

    God: Feel free to relax.

  16. Prof. F Camping says:

    [img]http://i.imgur.com/FE25D.png[/img]

  17. God says:

    What makes you think I’ve got a plan foo?

    And don’t try to break into my emails either.

    • Julia Allison, Supplicant says:

      Hi there!

      I heard you were a big founder of, like, everything! I usually love your product, but lately it’s had some trouble with delivering everything I want in life. 🙁

      Can we meet for dinner sometime soon? I’m really interested in you, as you can see from all my tweets about you!!! 🙂 I’m willing to come to where you are. I can foresee us spending LOTS of time together.

      I heard you were intimate with some girl “Mary”. I hope you stay away from her. One of my best friends is named Mary and you wouldn’t want to make me do anything crazy, would you??? 🙂 🙂 🙂

      Looking forward to our permanent union,
      Julia

  18. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

    Donkey, God can’t help you because he no longer recognizes you …

    • Scooby Don't says:

      So true. Given the work she’s had done and continues to have done, she obviously doesn’t believe the old saw “God doesn’t make any mistakes”.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        Come on, be fair. Donkey pretty much just is the counterexample to that bromide. She’s being a little perspicacious for once–nearly everything about her begs for extreme change–but unfortunately she’s chosen to change one of the only things about her that justifies that “nearly”.

  19. Peltergeist says:

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but Elle will be the biggest outlet she’s ever been published in. And she got this big opportunity purely because she got fired from her last job for being a bad writer — the job she used to get her current “job,” which is to be on some reality tv show that hand picks boyfriends for her.

    It is UNREAL how this stupid bitch keeps failing upwards. Ignoring the unspectacular specifics, she’s gotten to several levels of “success” that other people spend years trying for, just by being a liar and failure at everything else she does. It’s so frustrating to see her constantly get rewarded.

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      Yeah and she will be using the PUBLISHED IN “ELLE” for many Donkey years to come. So incredibly gross. Her face is still busted beyond repair and she has zero chance of ever snagging a man so there’s that.

      • Prof. F Camping says:

        she’s already been published in “Elle Japan” (this may be a complete fabrication, who knows?)

        and here she is in Elle UK; check out rambo squatting in the back of this photo: http://whatiwore.tumblr.com/post/57744736/jessica-schroeder-design-in-elle-uk

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          Good Gawd! Right-click that image for the blow-up version & getchoo a gander at Donkey’s blown-up calves cows, then, if you can stand it, look up at the mis-matched pelts.

          That entire pictorial consists of homeless-looking bagwomen & a homely donkey. Dig that purple / blue / black combo get-up she’s sporting … is that why Rambo is trying to hide?

      • mcakez says:

        This was my first thought as I registered disappointment over the publication.

        Expect that her bio on future re-submissions of her ‘Elle dating column’ to HuffPo will forever read “Julia Allison is a columnist for Elle Magazine and reality TV star on Bravo’s ‘Miss Advised'” ten years from its cancellation after one season.

        And no one will bother to fact-check it or correct it, she will forever blame a lost password (although I would bet on it magically reappearing after her show and column go live), and she will probably continue to fail-up.

        I hate it when our society rewards shitty people. It is disappoint.

        • Prof. F Camping says:

          seriously.

          [img]http://h.images.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/14343631.jpg[/img]

          • mcakez says:

            Do you suppose Emily and, uhh, other chick (Amy?), resent her presence on the show for the fact that they have legit love-advice careers they brought to the table, while Julia Allison had to have a career fabricated for her?

          • Prof. F Camping says:

            i guess you could see it that way; then again, julia may be their best connection to bravo, seeing as she has dealings and pilots with them before. maybe julia is the reason they are even in a show, so all they can do is be grateful instead of resentful of a freeloading donkey.

    • stalker is the new fat says:

      i agree. It’s enough to make ya turn to drink.

      • Peltergeist says:

        It really is. I’m currently a freelance writer after being laid off from my editorial job, and let me tell you it is tough to get enough freelance work these days. I’ve never gotten fired, I haven’t burned any bridges, I’ve gone out of my way to be professional and establish great contacts… and someone like Julia gets a job at a respectable publication just because, even with her terrible reputation. I’m not a relationship columnist and don’t want to be, but this is such an insult to the career I’ve spent years working on. Nobody has the money to hire staff (or even brand new freelancers) these days and it’s such a slap in the face to see totally unqualified people like her waltz in.

        • solidarity cat says:

          Hopefully they’re not paying her squat? Not that that makes it much better…

        • ks says:

          Aww, don’t let it bother you. It’s not a comment on your talent, it’s just the industry trying to profit off the occasional cheap freak. It’s not like anyone respects her and she isn’t going to parley this into anything like a career or fame. She probably isn’t going to get any money for it! I don’t care if Julia is Editor-at-Large for the Wall Street Journal, if she isn’t supporting herself it’s all just one big Sweet Sixteen vanity birthday gift from her father.

          I am happy to see her get more exposure because it always, ALWAYS means more lulz for us. The higher she climbs, the more spectacular and satisfying the inevitable fall.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Yes, the celebrity/freakshow ringers aren’t competing directly with the folks who actually know what they’re doing. That’s sort of a separate budget line.

          Except in the larger sense that there are only so many dollars and column inches to go around, and they’re choosing to waste some on these stunt columns. Which sucks, but it has always been thus.

          My guess is that they will run three or four “columns” by A Donkey just to scratch Bravo’s back and then quietly drop the whole thing. I bet they’re not paying her, either.

          • mcakez says:

            If they ARE paying her, she will be sure to tell us how much (plus a zero or two, because she lies about literally everything.)

    • SchadenfreudianSlip says:

      I agree. I wish it didn’t frustrate me but it does. And my immediate reaction is Fuck Elle. Mrs. SS will probably wonder why I suddenly canceled her subscription to a magazine I’ve never so much as glanced at since she knows me. And losing our puny subscription fee won’t make a difference to Elle or its publisher.

      But its the only recourse I/we have. They don’t get to enable the Donkey and still cash my check.

      I guess the only solace we can take is that there is a 100% chance that she will fail miserably and the journey from here to there will provide hours and hours of entertainment.

      I guess there’s also the solace of knowing that she’s miserable in her own skin and will never ever find the happiness and true success she thinks she deserves.

      Sociopath. Donkey.

      • iblow4shoes (formerly sad lilly) says:

        You’ve got bigger balls then I do. I wouldn’t cancel anything my wife signed up for.

  20. The Manta says:

    I assume Elle is going along with this for the publicity. Like when those skanks on “The Hills” were “interns” at Teen Vogue?

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Yes, almost certainly. Ha ha, the joke’s on them, as A Donkey is the original brand-tarnisher.

    • New Year New You says:

      Right, like when Olivia Palermo was “working” at Elle on The City. Hopefully Erin is still there for eye rolls and bitch face.

      Seriously, could you imagine the face pulls from Elle staff if Julie walked into their offices in her romper stomper outfits?

      • OMGPeltskank says:

        I don’t read Elle (not because I’m too “cool”, but because I’m too poor and too behind on my PhD reading/writing/everything anyway), but they are probably too posh to have a “makeover”/”before” and “after” section? Because if they did, I’m pretty sure there would be several awkward “Oh, so you’re not here for this, then.” moments. As in, every time she clomped in their offices. At least there’ll be some serious side-eyeing going on, I hope.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        Luckily for Julia she probably won’t have to “go into the office”. All those magazines women, especially on reality tv, are skinny and young. Or maybe she did see her “coworkers” and that’s what prompted the most recent visit to Dr. Bobby.

      • Delurked says:

        OMG, not that it would ever happen, but I would dieeeeeeee to see the bitchface Erin would give to Julia. THAT is a show I would turn into every week. I always loved Erin.

  21. ks says:

    [img]http://img824.imageshack.us/img824/2912/churchsignbi.jpg[/img]

  22. Jesus Haploid Christ (of the Nazareth Christs) says:

    For Me sakes, Donkey, I sent you rich parents and a college education and gigs with real publications! But you pissed everything away with your narcissism and entitlement.

    Leave your face alone, stop being such a fucking cunt, and take care of that adorable dog, or Dad is going to smite the shit out of you. How’s that for a plan, Princess?

    • Julia Allison, Supplicant says:

      I really need you to reconsider that whole “meek will inherit the earth” thing. The economy is really bad right now so my web empire isn’t doing so great, so I could really use some of that inheritance, too. I’m only asking for a 5% share of the earth and for everyone to love me. Come on, 5% is only like 1/50th. People with those desk errand thingys can keep the rest! Since this is all I want, I’m genuinely curious about why you won’t grant it to me, God. I really don’t understand your Plan.

      • Random Snowflake says:

        More like 1/20th.. But, in reality, the meek shall inherit shit.

        • Julia Allison, Supplicant says:

          Why don’t you pay some bills or read a newspaper or something? I think you’re wrong about the 1/20 being the same as 5% thing. You might want to check and see if you’re a girl.

  23. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    Dear God,

    You may not know this, but I have over 20,000+ twitter followers and I’d love to tell them how great you are!!! Let me help you get your message out there!!! All I ask in return is maybe a peak at your plans for me (could they maybe include a marriage to Prince Harry — you know I love him! — and, well, this isn’t very nice, but maybe some terrible accident could put Harry first in line for the throne?).

    xoxo Julia

  24. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    At the ACE for a 2nd date with a wily British gentleman … Almost exactly 6 months after our 1st. Can’t say that’s ever happened before!
    19 minutes ago

    Donkey is trying to make a Jelly Donut jealous. PS, if you can’t find a man in your hometown (LA) with the assistance of Bravo working as your daily matchmaker, there is no hope for you.

    PS DONKEY!

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      Also, British guys in NYC are the biggest whores only second to British guys in LA. They fuck everything!

      • dd says:

        I don’t know what you’re talking about. A second date SIX MONTHS after the first date surely means that it true love. I expect a proposal in the near future.

        BAHAHAHA. You know….. this is getting too easy.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          Hold up a minute … w/ Donkey, an interview nine months ago really means a non-interview six months ago, so how can we be sure that she’s really not just tit-flashing some pimply kid at McDonalds whose testicles only dropped three months ago?

      • Donksers says:

        “Also, British guys in NYC are the biggest whores only second to British guys in LA. They fuck everything!”

        Huh, sounds just like Julia.

    • Prof. F Camping says:

      it’s this guy, right?
      [img]http://cdn.buzznet.com/media-cdn/jj1/headlines/2011/06/sacha-baron-cohen-camel.jpg[/img]

      god, (G-O-D, wassup?) i wish sacha baron cohen would punk her for his next movie.

    • ShesJust Stupid says:

      “Wily?” What does that even mean? He’s been dodging her for six months?

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        Yeah, it’s really saying that huh? “A guy who can’t be bothered with me, except when I fly into town with my fake microphone for NBC and my fake press pass for NYFW. True love, Bunnies!!!!”

        • Stripper Shoes For Blowjobs at Burning Man says:

          OR….he’s abs lawyer. And by “abs lawyer”, I mean “a figment of her braymagination”.

          • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

            She never has any dates until she is dating some guy out of town and trying to (laughingly) play The Rules on him. She is so pathetic.

          • mcakez says:

            DYDT — You hit on a good point, one that has been brought up, but I want to reiterate here: She never has dates in her own area. That is SAD.

            She is funky looking, and obnoxious as all hell, but it shouldn’t be THAT hard to pull dates, right?

            The fact that she brays about every tiny little outing she has is a sad testament to how much reality doesn’t match her own expectations.

      • solidarity cat says:

        LOL.

      • ks says:

        [img]http://i44.tinypic.com/6ye0yb.png[/img]

    • New Year New You says:

      Normal person: “meeting up with a friend who’s in town.”
      Julia Fucking Allison: “meeting up with someone with a penis = a date.”

    • AFGHANI says:

      Euan Rellie gave Donk a shout out on twitter not too long ago… I hope it’s not him, but you never know.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Also, if this date comes a week after she was in SF getting boinked by JellyD and contracting a “kidney infection” — I am sorry, but gross. It doesn’t make it any less gross if she’s trying to make him jealous.

      Ho.

      • pearipathetic donkey says:

        That’s what I don’t get about her. She sleeps around, but according things she’s said in the past she doesn’t seem enjoy sex (i.e., prefers premature ejaculators). If she thinks her special magic sex powers will snag her a guy, doesn’t she have to wonder why her powers have failed her thus far? I mean she is the bold, adventurous, sexy sex girl who sent sex toys to her high school bf (eye roll). Oh Donkey, get a clue!

      • New Year New You says:

        She really is a ho. Imagine if a guy was endlessly tweeting “got another date, got another date” with nary a week in between them, he’d be classed as a douche and avoided like the plague. But our Vaginal Donkey seems to think this makes her hot and desirable.

      • Bravo, Julia! says:

        It pains me to say I know who this guy is. He’s just visiting NY, doesn’t live there. I really hope Donks is exaggerating the whole ‘date’ thing because he’s actually a really decent guy.

      • JFA - Still no one cares jackasshole says:

        Yeah, I guess. I don’t mind sluts. I guess the game playing is gross but I can’t hate on her for getting some. But she is probably just scheming so whatever.

  25. Powerful Moms with Fantastic Sons says:

    I just can’t wait for the pics from Fashion Week. Her outfits are always so amazeballs. For us, it’s truly the mooooooosssst wonderful tiiiiiiiiiiime of the year!

    • Dyspeptic says:

      bring ’em, I say. I’ze ready. Got a nice supply of Cheetos and White Zin laid in.

    • mcakez says:

      Wait, I thought ‘birthcray’ was the most wonderful time of the year? It is so close to FW, though, it might be considered a combined holicray.

      Also, bets on her holding her birthday in SF since Toilet Jewels has connections there, and Greasy is the only person who gives Donkey the time of day?

  26. mcakez says:

    I am thinking her self-publishing to HuffPo is:

    a) An attempt to make it seem like she was a working journalist before she goes on-air/begins releasing columns for Elle.

    And probably more significantly:

    b) An attempt to drown RBD/bad press out of her searches for the months leading up to said airing and release. Searching for her name + ‘this week’ on google leads to a bunch of her re-published TMS tripe. She wants her contributions to seem legit and journalistic-y for the new eyeballs that might roll in. Wonder if RepDefender suggested this, or was it daddy, who has a working relationship with HuffPo?

    • Stripper Shoes For Blowjobs at Burning Man says:

      The way I started blogging at Huff Po was …they saw my blog and liked it and asked. I’m not in any way famous or connected. In her case, no fucking way. This is definitely a Bravo PR stunt.

      And sadly, yes, this stunt WILL result in the Julia Allison google search to come up with Huff Po articles first. If you were to google me, that’s what you would come up with…50-something published “articles” (using that term loosely – it’s blogging, after all), way before you found any dirt on me. Not that there is any. Or much. I mean, any.

      What can be done?

      She is fat.

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        People are going to find out about her. It goes like this – a) no one gives a shirt about her and she fades into absolute obscurity or b) she acts like a giant braying hosebeast and gawker and jesebel start writing about her with contempt and it’s picked up by all the rags. No amount of Huff Po will protect her.

        Here’s a better idea Donkey, stop acting insane!!! Less time cleaning up the internets!

      • mcakez says:

        Welp, as depressing as that was, thank you for confirming what I already suspected.

        For what it is worth, I am sure you are 100x the blogger/journalist that she is. No, wait, that wouldn’t be much a compliment. 1 MILLION times (does Dr. Evil gestures) the blogger/journalist.

        Julia Allison is trying to hide her sordid and shitty past behind HuffPo results for weddings, relationship trust, airlines, spiders, politeness, haters, umm, I forget what other bullshit topics she wrote about under the pretense of talking about herself.

        Suffice to say # : Elle, Bravo, Bravo, Miss Advised, loud, obnoxious, lying, sad, pathetic, braying, creepy, liar, pants on fire, plagiarism, New York Times corrections, TMS fired, expiration date, Bobby Buka, Restalyme dont’s, gawker, trust fund, boyfriend leaking, mc jelly d, NYFW fail, herpes, urinary tract infection, diabetes feet, wedding obsessed, hypocrite, date rape faking ‘I was INSIDE’, watch what happens, TMI, nonsociety, lifecrapping, potato knees, custodian of her memories, grifter, fraud, liquidgold, zappos, 11th date, Jack McCain, asshole, Elle and Bravo perpetuate fraud.

  27. LetItExplode says:

    We predicted the Elle thing some time ago. They have a relationship with Bravo, made evident when Project Runway was on Bravo and Nina Garcia was at Elle. I know a gal who used to be an editor there. Vom.Com

  28. mcakez says:

    And now headed over to the first of three birthday parties (NY, LA, SF) – the New York dinner thrown by @MeganMarks! Love this girl.

    Does she realize that normal people don’t have to tweet every time someone is willing to hang out with them? Or at least if they did, their Twitters would be ninety times as active as her Shitter feed is?

    • Captain Gary says:

      Or, you know, that normal 31 year-olds don’t need 3 birthday events to feel good about themselves? Generally, once you hit 21, one will do.

      • mcakez says:

        Wait, this is HER birthcray party?

        Wow. How the mighty have fallen.

        Still, bragging about her THREE parties with OMG MEGANMARKS! is still pretty pathetic.

        Donkey: NO ONE CARES. What makes you think this is impressive, or that anyone gives a flying fuck?

        • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

          Did she purposefully not @ The right Megan Marks because a 31 year old Donkey with big hips and a busted face should be embarrassed celebrating her b-day 3 weeks in advance? Like it’s all she has to live for?

      • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

        Most people also don’t refer to dinner with a friend as a “party”. Even if Substitute Megan managed to round up a couple of people who won’t run from the room the minute Donk arrives, I still doubt it will be anything to brag about.

        • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

          No one going knows it’s a birthday party… it’s a birthday party in donkey’s mind. She’s hearing applause, too.

    • Donksers says:

      When she used to be more active on her hobby blog, she’d post text messages from Momsers and Dadsers saying that they loved or missed their J-bear. How insecure does a person have to be to brag about their parents loving them? Fucked-Up-Bear. Also, the “love this girl/love these girls” thing is so overused and obnoxious.

  29. Stripper Shoes For Blowjobs at Burning Man says:

    SHE IS SO FAT.

    FAT.

    FAT.

    FAT.

    Hi Julia. You are fat. And everyone will laugh at you no matter what you do.

    • solidarity cat says:

      You okay there stripper shoes? Not that I don’t understand….

      [img]http://bostonsnark.wikispaces.com/file/view/Tourette_Cat.jpg[/img]

      • Stripper Shoes For Blowjobs at Burning Man says:

        She must be told the truth. This is how we can reach her. She must be told. This is all that matters in the end.

        Julia, you are fat.

        • Perpetual Donk of Shame says:

          Did god say she was fat? Because if god didn’t say she was fat, she’s not listening.
          Also, fat is the least of her worries. Not that she’s self aware enough to worry about being a waste of natural resources but if she were…

    • tonyamichaela says:

      Part of me really enjoys these type of comments, because I picture Julia filming herself reading it while crying, and then watching the video and crying more. And she rewatches and rewatches until she passes out at 4 AM. She’s a social media professional!

  30. So Blessed. says:

    My contribution:
    [img]http://poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/fashion-fail-this-explains-southern-illinois.jpg[/img]

  31. Donkeycam now! says:

    If a man lies with a donkey, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination.

    There. I said it. That’s god’s plan for you, Donks.

Comments are closed.