Anthropomorphic donkey Julia Allison has once again changed her Facebook profile picture, for, like, the 5,285,728,284th time this year. I know I’m supposed to like buttholes and all, but I seriously don’t get the sexiness appeal of making your maw look like puckering asshole.
It’s like she’s trying to tell everyone, “Look, guys, I’m LITERALLY an asshole.”
Honey, we already knew that.
BLESS HER HEART
Nothing says classy like poorly attempted sexyface while holding a grody chocolate fountain marshmallow on a stick.
Jesus fuck, even standing next to a completely uggums and ill-groomed hipster douchebag doesn’t make her look good. She is just going to have to go dig up Hitler’s rotting corpse for photo opportunities if she wants a flattering contrast.
Pol Pot’s posthumous PR rep has a proposal for Donks.
Poooetry.
a completely uggums and ill-groomed hipster douchebag
That’s Judah Freidlander, C-list (lower?) comedian/celebrity.
I think Donk’s is trying to show us how she mingles with celebs on the Left Coast.
Yes, I recognized him after Worrisome Pelts used his initials! I don’t get his stand-up, though he can be funny on 30 Rock.
Still, “uggums, ill-groomed hipster douchebag” is accurate, even if he’s only doing it as a shtick. He still comes off looking lik a million bucks next to A Donkey.
Oh. Didn’t realize that he’s the 30Rock guy (yeah, I could have googled him, but obvs didn’t have a fuck to give.)
How in hell did their paths cross?
She’s making Glossy Anus at JF.
Even Sassy Gay Friend just can’t with A Donkey.
I feel like this is some serious false advertising. She is putting her face out there from a time before she fucked it up with fillers, botox and surgery. Then when a guy sees her, it’s like, “GAH!”
It’s like posting a photo from 40 pounds ago on a dating profile. Deceptive donkey is deceptive.
Right. Isn’t it sort of bad form to put up photos from years ago on fb, unless they’re funny old high school pictures or similar nostalgic scans? She’s been manic with the posting of photos from five years ago lately.
Back when she still had eyes.
This is obviously pointed at Andrew Bancroft to let him know she is down with the hip comedians, yo! (Gang signs) She is mad tight with NBC stars, bro!
Interestingly enough, he is not following her on the Twitters. Maybe he’s just not that into a Donkey?
she recently uploaded a picture of Flusher Price with the caption “GANGSTA WIT A TRUMPET, YO.”
holy fuck. “wit”?! i’m embarrassed for her.
When ever she is talking “yo” or throwing gang signs, the pic I see of her is that tragic “stroke face” Julia at the Cee Lo concert. LOL. Anyone have it?
LOL!!! Yes!!! Whenever she says, “yo” this is the face I see.
I just sharted
Chicken wing cheeks and Bingo arms!
UNFOLD IT, YO!!
In that picture, she looks like she’ll be gumming her next heap o’ gluten-ous pancakes …
#drumstickcheeksftw
Every time this has me in stitches… God this picture sums her entire manufactured existence and the life that is passing her by as she poses her less bad side of her face for the camera… So fucking tragic.
Nothing like an entitled twat appropriating minority culture in a hopeless attempt at hipness. It’s been a long week and I just kant with this smug asshole.
#howDAREyou! All of this donkey appropriation is in honor of Black History Month, naturally. JA is down with the browns, yo! Qualifications of association include: rich and/or famous and/or influential and/or in a position of power.
I think pancakes is dating a brown person now.
Shamoolia, really?
Certainly in the brown family and quite cute.
God, she’s ridiculous. Profile photo changed to hipster comedian and uploaded fb photo of friend with musical instrument. Does Jelly Bean use a lot of gang talk in his routine?
Yes. It’s all straight out of Malibu’s Most Wanted. My cringe reflex may become permanently damaged by this whole foofaraw.
Ugh, you mean he might actually be amused at her appropriation?
What it seems he values (according to who he follows) is someone funny, which a Donkey is not.
This is true what you say, DYandDT. He seems hipster-funny, which has its own issues, but A Donkey is never funny ha-ha in any way.
That was like four faces ago. GAWD. How does anyone on her FB stand her ass???
I don’t know. I can’t believe they haven’t kicked her off yet.
How annoying must it be if you were one of her irl friends ad commented on a picture, only to be followed with 50 notifications that all of her fraud afghani friends also commented.
Holy shit, that’s right. So effectively she has ensured that no one whose comments she values will ever again comment on a single thing she posts to Facebook. The stupid tool.
But that’s the thing, Julia doesn’t value anyone (we know that by how she treats her friends) – none of her friends ever commented on any of the nearly 3,000 photos she has of herself so Donkey got an idea, to use all the subscribers Randi Zuckerberg got for her.
Now she can feel loved by people she doesn’t even know. To her, 50 likes from people she doesn’t know or care about is the same thing as 50 likes from her “friends.”
Still not as deceptive as her Twitter avatar. She currently looks about as similar to that picture as that picture looks to her new idol Zooey. (Sorry Kate, you’ve been denthroned from the Donkey pantheon now that she has temporarily given up the dream of being a politician’s wife.)
I know Donkey’s dream is to be a prominent politician’s or businessman’s wife who hosts dignified parties for intellectuals, trendsetters, and the powerful. I guarantee that she has had multiple conversations with friends about how perfect she is for this role, during which the phrase, “I know, right???” was employed liberally. She aspires to be a bit like Elena Bezuhov, except less pretty and unable to fool anyone. (War and Peace shoutout)
Oh my god, look at those eyes. Does she have a SOUL?
Considering how trashed her shoes are, she may be 0/3 on soles/soul.
Don’t worry, she’s had so much work done to her face since she took this photo that you can no longer see her eyes anymore, so you’re safe.
Don’t be too hard on her about the soul thing, though. Experts in such things tend to agree that donkeys don’t have them.
I’m not firmly behind Aquinas, but I might fall back on his wisdom in this case.
Her head is bigger than Judah Friedlander’s!?!?!? How is this possible!?
Maybe it’s because the picture is a few years old, but that doesn’t even look like the real Judah Friedlander to me. It looks like the two of them are at a costume party where some dude is dressed as Judah and Donk came as Marilyn in The Seven Year Itch but couldn’t find a wig big enough to cram all her pelts into.
Mistake Donkey made was that Marilyn stood over the subway grate.
She didn’t slam her face in to it. Over and over again.
that was way harsh tai.
True. Craptastic day and I took it out on the Donkey.
Oh Scooby, do! Marry me?
Sorry Catladies, I have neither a Twitter or a Facebook account. What is the proper protocol? Should someone let Judah know ( I’d love to hear what he and Jelly Donut thinks of this) or would that be poking the Donkey?
P.S. Is Donkey sick cause she didn’t get any invitations to Fashion Week? She blew off her insightfully inaffable discourse on “Couture” … Again.
Whoa, that’s right NYFW starts on the 9th, is that what all this “I’m so sick” fuckery is about? Donkey is laying it on a little thick… she really should only start getting sick on the 6th to make it believable.
it’s like clockwork people!
Now I’m waiting for a repeat of the “not being able to fly” Donkey ailment. Fake Doctor’s note please.
Isn’t he one of those “all publicity is good publicity” guys (Friedlander, I mean?) I don’t get his shtick anyway. I didn’t laugh when Kaufman and Zmuda did it, and I don’t laugh now.
And yet, Gregg Turkington’s Neil Hamburger shtick makes me laugh really hard. I am a mass of contradictions, apparently.
ooooooh I love Neil Hamburger! My profile picture was of me with Neil Hamburger for a while.
I seriously think she is actually retarded. That has to be it.
Covers it well with a relatively high verbal capacity, but yeah, her cognitive processes are most definitely fucked.
It’s sad. This is a website that makes fun of the daily struggles of a mentally handicapped sociopath.
It’s sad. This is a website that makes fun of the daily struggles of a mentally handicapped sociopath.
Well, if PettiFogger hadn’t sold his donkey to the circus …
She is so fucking lucky she’s got family money. The poor thing would be in a world of trouble without that guaranteed, comfortable safety net.
I really feel bad for her sometimes.
I really do not understand how you have a father smart enough to be a successful lawyer and go to Princeton, a mother smart enough to go to Stanford, an obviously brilliant brother getting a PhD at MIT – and then there is Julia. She really is the family moron.
Mr. Doughnut seems to be a sensitive soul:
@jellyd andrew bancroft
really shouldn’t have watched this before bed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDEfSKHHIxc
(“Haters Gonna Hate” by Tonite Only)
Michael Kelley died yesterday, so maybe as an homage Donut can bring Julia out on stage in the role of Baby Ikki.
i can’t remember why i went looking for this, but anyway, i dug up julia’s facebook comment from last year about “good old college ball!”
Gregg and Robert – Oh, but I am! What a close game, eh? Congratulations to both teams, but Cam and the Tigers pulled it out in the end. Incredible offense on Auburn’s side, and a skilled defensive line was Oregon’s strong suit. Good ‘ol college ball!”
/blast from the past
Which of course begs the fauxto comparison found on the old post: Before And After Way Too Many Injections
#HowSoonBeforePinkSweaterSetIsTheNewFecebookProfilePic?
Oh my God! I hadn’t seen that post in a while and I forgot how scary and how accurate the Joyce Wildenstein aka Cat Lady comparisons are! Jaysus Christ. If I were her I would have sued the doctor stupid enough to inject that much sludge into my face. Does she really not get how disfigured she looks now? Also, I thought most fillers went away after 2-6 months? This type of stuff she appears to have had done to her face can’t be injectables because it doesn’t appear to be going anywhere, unless she really does think this makes her look better and she keeps getting it re-done.
I think she cut a deal with Dr. Bobby and is getting the shit for free. I think once he’s gone so far, the only way (in his mind?) is to inject more? Who knows. But yeah, her face: Yikes.
Thank you for this, Professor. I almost forgot about that.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if she met like, a really cute juggler? And she would suddenly do a photo shoot in a hideous yet slutty court jester outfit? Let’s make it interesting, Donks!
better yet, what if every time she met a guy she posted 10,000 photos of wedding gowns to her blog and started musing about divorce rate statistics on her twitter, then when she got dumped postED a 10,000-word press release about “the home they shared” and photos of all the other dudes she has ever loved and lost?! OH WAIT…
That just seems like a recipe for success right there.
If we’re using “recipe” in the HelloBrit sense of “horrible nightmare,” of course.
what has Mrs. Moron been up to lately? i haven’t clicked on over to TardRecipes.com in a while.
Did someone say JESTER OUTFIT?
*ahem*
Comical court jester half doll. Court jesters were hired to tell jokes and provide entertainment in European royal courts. Jesters wore brightly colored clothes and hats in a bicolored pattern. Their floppy hats were interesting, with three points, each with a bell at the end. The three points of the hat represent the donkey’s ears and tail worn by jesters in earlier times. This funny-faced jester has a great face with rosy cheeks, a big nose and an exagerated smiling mouth. Very nice unusual half doll head.
It was meant to be.
That is the fakest fake faking fakery that ever faked.
Good ol’ Donkey!
Omg. Shut the fuck uuuuuuuup about football Julia. Jesus. She’s a moron.
Seriously, who wrote that? She had to have been parroting someone. There is NO WAY that was her commentary. So hilarious.
GOOD OL’ COLLEGE BALL!
She had to have been watching it with Dadsers and was all: “Tell me what to say Daddy I am not even watching but I want Jack to think I pay attention to this stuff and you want me to marry a McCain don’t you so tell me what to say come on tell me what to say.”
Actually it’s ‘ol college ball. The crowning glory on that comment was the misplaced apostrophe. Or maybe the elided letters really are at the beginning of the word, and it translates to something like “good alcohol college ball” or “good Clairol college ball.”
My evening entertainment went like this:
First she said:
Julia Allison
Sometimes I read about friends’ lives on the internet & I think, “That’s not what’s really going on.” I wonder if they think that about me.
And then he said:
Jerrod Melman
They do RT @JuliaAllison: Sometimes I read about friends’ lives on the internet & I think, (cont) tl.gd/fnd5tj
4 hours ago
And then he said:
tonyblacknyc tony
@JuliaAllison no doubt
and then he said:
PhilippeKeb
@JuliaAllison – of course
Wow. Ouch! Ouch!!!!!
Donkey ain’t foolin’ nobody, yo!
yo. they down wit dat shiz.
Julia might see this as a compliment?
“Jerrod Melman thinks of me as a FRIEND!”
I think she means she reads negative things and denies that’s what’s happening.
Well if that’s the case, for a writer, she constantly mangles meaning. You’re probably right, but I read it as her saying her Twitter pals are lying exaggerators. Some projection there!
Yeah, I couldn’t believe that. I wonder which one pissed her off? Pot. Kettle. Black.
@Bitchface I left you a little present on the “Men always find this thing” post
oh you did, ewwwww!!!! well that disproves you’re my papa because his was white (the nipple *really* stood out) LOL
thanks for the memories/nightmares!!!