Who Would Have Guessed It? Donkey Is After A Musician

I just laughed harder than I have laughed at Donkey in a long time. Because we have recently learned that she is “dating” a musician in San Francisco, one who just happens to be a notorious man slut, so this should end well. Lock your phone, Music Man!!!

But look at her latest Facebook profile shot:

Sorry …. just a minute …. I have to take a moment because I am laughing too hard to type. Subtle, Donkey, real subtle. (Also, the leg placement in that shot ……… I weep of laughter ……)

She’s a PIANIST, everyone!! She loves The Music!! And musical instruments!! LOVES THEM!!! Just like she was so concerned about the plight of the men and women serving in the military less than a year ago, she is now  a full-fledged, serenade-loving, piano-playing music afficionado! And so of COURSE she should live happily ever after with a musician!! It was meant to be!!

(Who wants to bet, by the way, that the guy likes Soul Asylum and/or performs Soul Asylum songs given she recently listened to Runaway Train about 500 times, according to her Spotify updates.)

This explains all her recent Tweets and Facebook posts about her sudden need to be serenaded and her “interest” in musicians. In hindsight, it seems even Flusher Price was attempting to warn her off this dude and musicians in general. Oh honey.

Anyway, Donkey attended an event in San Francisco over the weekend and was spotted in the wild. And it was not pretty. First off, she showed up three hours late for the event with a chick, not Flusher, who wore her sunglasses the entire time even though it was a late-night, indoors event.

She was rude, spending the entire time on her phone until her victim took the stage to perform. And then she beamed up at him adoringly as though she’d discovered him. She “looked 49,” one tipster tells us. She was wearing a party dress with nude hose. And she was frequently spotted giving other women the serious up-and-down. Oh dear, Music Man. Don’t just lock your phone, hide it.

And hey, Donkey, it’s not creepy AT ALL when you change your Facebook profile shot to a photo of you pretending to play the piano because you’ve got a working musician in your sights. Not at all!

 

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484 Responses to Who Would Have Guessed It? Donkey Is After A Musician

  1. Worrisome Pelts #ad says:

    No, Donkey. No.

    • Worrisome Pelts #ad says:

      I can’t wait for the drama when he misses the birthcray bash because he got a non-paying gig at the Kiwanis Club Dance and needs to take it for “the exposure.”

      • Worrisome Pelts #ad says:

        “Non-paying” was originally mistyped as “nom-paying,” which is my new name for a gig where your payment is dinner/booze.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Imagine the bind Flusher Price is in now. Donkey must have met this dude through her. She’s watching Donkey’s madness emerge, and she already must know what went down with Pancakes and the phone-hacking. She knows it’s going to end badly; it always does, and that she’s going to be stuck in the middle as a braying, sobbing lunatic orders her to call him, email him, do her bidding, find out why he doesn’t want to see her anymore. No wonder Flusher’s trying to discourage it.

        • LTL says:

          Sorry, if you don’t mind my ignorance, where did Flusher come from? I’ve been away for a bit and haven’t been studying my Donk-memes 🙁

          • I Was Inside says:

            Someone coined it as a pun on “Fisher Price” because Toilet Julia’s last name is Price.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            She was photographed on the toilet at a club by one of friends. So funny! So gross!

            She has since been known as either Toilet Julia or Flusher Price.

        • mcakez says:

          Who would have told her about Pancakes Run Away Shame? In Julia’s version it would be Guam that foiled their great romance.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            It is known.

          • mcakez says:

            Thanks, Jacy. That is what I was wondering.

            😉

          • Princess WideStance says:

            Whaa? So Flusher knows about JA’s antics with Pancakes and she’s still willing to be BFFs with her? Does not compute. Flusher must not be too bright. Or desperate for some Bravo luv.

          • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

            It’s all about the Bravo show. Notice Shira Lazar is coming around more? They allllll want to be on the TVs, every one of them is a user.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            Hell w/ BFF’s … why’s Flusher Price willing to room w/ a pathological liar & known snoop?

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            She wrote a column essentially defending her hacking behavior. Many of her friends know the real story, and were appalled.

          • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

            Fame Brayella, we can’t understand it but this crazies will do anything to be OMGFamous!

  2. Donkeycam Now! says:

    Did she photoshop her ass two sizes up?

    And don’t even get me started on the smug look on Donkey’s restylaned face.

  3. Scooby Don't says:

    Changing her persona for a new catch?

    I’m reminded of the lyrics to a song from another set of timeless musicians, Slade:
    See chameleon
    Lying there in the sun
    All things to everyone
    Run run away

    Run, run away Music Man. Run run away.

  4. flaggedbythelab says:

    Wow. Can’t she hire a stylist intern? Those two colors remind me of the 80s. Dress is too tight, in fact maybe that’s why she thought she had stomach issues, she probably gets the worst gas from all the tight clothing.

    • Fashion Girl says:

      Also: the satin, rhinestone escort shoes live to see another day.

      • flaggedbythelab says:

        Bridesmaid shoes.
        Always a bridesmaid…

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Seriously, when were those in style? 2004? Jesus.

        • Dyspeptic says:

          I think that is her only pair of REAL Manolos, so they can never be retired.

          • Shamoo£ia says:

            I think they’re fake. That style is the most ripped off style of Manolo. She posted a close up picture of them during the wedding madness and the details looked off.

            Sniffing out donkey’s fake designer goods is my favorite pastime. SAY NO TO RIP OFF DESIGNER GOODS DONKEY! DO IT FOR ALL THE GIRLS!

  5. Lilly's Long Island Sitter says:

    I believe “Runaway Train” was Soul Asylum, not Soundgarden…

  6. Wonkeye says:

    What a comfortable, natural-looking pose!

    • Ex Spurt says:

      Such poise. She could have been a ballerina, you know!

      • Jack the Squinty Eyed, Irrepressible Blonde says:

        And Obama’s speech writer and a pianist and a contender–anything other than being a bum, which she is.

  7. Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

    I woke up this morning to a gigantic wolf spider running across my chest and down my arm. I can still feel it, even though I killed that ho with frantic zeal. I thought I was ruined for the rest of my life BUT THEN I READ THIS POST! Now I am so happy and I don’t even care! Thank you, Jacy!

    • Sausage Snappers says:

      OMG *secondhand fear*

    • flaggedbythelab says:

      Do you think it’s bad luck to kill spiders too?

      *Crazy superstitous here…

      • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

        Yes. I’d rather have spiders in my house than the bugs spiders eat in my house. I never kill spiders. *smug face*

        • mcakez says:

          My students scream like banshees and bumrush the far corner of the room any time an insect (especially spiders) appears.

          They practically have seizures when I catch the offending insect in my hand and carry it out the door.

          These are kids who are ‘thugs’ and gang bangers, but tiny little creatures the size of their pinkie nails terrify them. I need to start carrying tarantulas on my person, just in case I ever get mugged.

          • nikki says:

            The comment about your students risking their lives walking out into traffic made me laugh out loud because it is so true. I’m also a teacher of what seems like a similar demographic of kiddos. They, too, live in a dangerous neighborhood, but the real danger comes when they sprint out in front of moving traffic on a busy street because they cannot wait five seconds for the walk sign. I’m also well-versed in the pandemonium that ensues at the sight of a tiny bug in the classroom. My favorite thing is the synchronized, mass screaming that happens when the power goes out, though. I still cannot figure out why screaming at the top of one’s lungs is the automatic reaction of every single child in the building.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          I refuse to kill a spider. I will remove them to the outdoors — even the big fuckers — but I won’t kill them. We are bigger than them, and they eat bad bugs.

          • mcakez says:

            Also, the vast majority of them (wolf spiders being one of the unfortunate exceptions, if I recall correctly) are harmless to us. Even ones that get a bad name (like Black Widows) are usually so terrified of us and reclusive that they are a very minor threat.

            My students risk their lives much more in their daily walk home (not because of gang violence, but because they walk out in traffic like idiots expecting everyone sees them and will stop) every day than they ever would with any of the tiny spiders they encounter in a lifetime.

          • mule on rouge says:

            Just had to comment that TWICE TODAY, yes, TWICE, I almost got hit by a car when I stepped off the curb after dutifully waiting for the Walk sign to come on. It happens all the freaking time. Do these assholes really think they can turn the corner faster than I can step out into the road?

            The last one was close enough for me to bang on the side of his car with my fist, so that was fun.

          • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

            I woud normally agree (ok, maybe not), but I live in Brown Recluse Spider territory (black widows. too), and those things are deadly. But a Brown Recluse looks like a wolf spider. So basically if I see anything with 8 legs, I’m grabbing the Lysol and spraying that shit until kingdom come. I’m not even going to risk squashing it. That would mean contact. No way.

          • Dr. Gary says:

            We get all kinds of crazy spiders up in here. Super scary ones. Little harmless looking ones. Black ones. Brown ones. The weird skinny ones with long legs that you know only want to kill other bugs and have no interest in you, but they are still in the spider category, so HELL NO.

            But we rarely see spiders in the house since we have 3 cats. I actually feel kind of sorry for the spiders because the second the cats corners one of them, it turns into Guantanamo Bay. The joy those cats get from torturing spiders makes me feel bad for the spiders. AND I SHOULDN’T BE FEELING BAD FOR SPIDERS.

    • stalkerIsTheNew says:

      PROBLEMS CITY PEOPLE NEVER HAVE. ahem.

      • flaggedbythelab says:

        City people have tiny spiders. But we have roaches. EWEWEWEWEW!

        • stalkerIsTheNew says:

          and rats. And we saw a snake in our basement once. Actually, I’ma stop frontin’, we have spiders too.

          • flaggedbythelab says:

            I heard on the radio last night that the MTA is trying to put a ban on eating in the subway because they think it contributes to the rat population.

          • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

            Everyone has rats. City. Country. Doesn’t matter.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          There’s a park behind my house & thanks to urban sprawl, we have coyotes. Sleeping w/ windows open goes from pleasant to blood-curdling in a heartbeat 🙁

          • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

            I live sort of smack in the middle of hundreds of acres of woods, half-a-mile above a river, and we have packs of coyotes howling on the banks every night. If one of them walks across my chest and down my arm some morning, say goodbye to Handbag because that will be the end of what’s left of my mind.

          • Worrisome Pelts #ad says:

            Driving through that park at night is one big game of “chicken” with suicidal racoons.

    • bitchface says:

      EWWWWWWWWWW that made my nipples hurt

      • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

        Bitchface, my arm was vibrating for at least two hours. I kept checking to see if it had bitten me, but no. ALL HORROR.

        • zandra says:

          I just googled ‘wolf spider’.

          OH DEAR GOD WHY DID I DO THAT?!?!

          • CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

            I saw it a few years ago and am still not over it. Handbag is going to need therapy, I tell ya. Those things are dog size, hairy and have faces. There’s one in Lord of the Rings, the size of a small plane.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      DEAR GOD.

      I also made the mistake of doing a google search for ‘wolf spider’. Why? WHY???

      *whispers* So many eyes. SOoooooo. MANYYYYY.

      • LEFOOLIEH says:

        Can you and Zandra scoot over on the couch, please? WHY MUST I BE SO DAMN CURIOUS? I’m shuddering right now.

        • Dr. Gary says:

          *passes LeFool a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos. asks mom to bring extra blankets down to the basement. turns on Reno 911 to take our minds off of horrible spiders*

      • CurlingIronsAtDawn says:

        I could’ve told you not to do that. It’s been years since I did it and I still see it as if it were yesterday.

      • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

        It’s now been 24 hours since the dread event, and the first thing I said to Mr. Handbag this morning was, “Remember about the SPIDER? Running over my body??” He said, “Ugh, let’s don’t talk about it.” We’re both giving our bed the side-eye now.

  8. Fashion Girl says:

    Trained pianists often wear rings that bind two fingers together. Beethoven, like, totally started that trend.

    Also, as someone with deep experience in dating musicians (and who eventually married one, God help me), I can say that the whole “driving 2.5 hours for a date” thing is even more pathetic in light of this new development. There is nothing sadder than acting like a groupie – especially while wearing nude control-tops.

    • Admiral of the Burro Fleet says:

      HAHAHAHA I COMPLETELY MISSED THE RING

      HER BRAINBOX IS A GRAIN OF SAND FLOATING IN AN OCEAN OF SCHEME JUICES

    • JFA says:

      Also I’m sure your husbo is great so no hate but…being this super excited to date musicians is something most of us got over when we were 21.

      • Fashion Girl says:

        For real? That sounds pretty hateful to me. Not sure what I’ve ever said to you to provoke that, but, yeah sure.

        • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

          • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

            Ha!

          • Fashion Girl says:

            You know it, bitch. I am feeling punchy today – probably because I just had a brownie for lunch and now my pulse is racing. It is ON – pumps and hoop earrings are coming OFF!

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          Shoulda had the gluten free vegan soy bacon pot brownie.

        • JFA says:

          OMG. I totally didnt’ mean it like that. I’ve dated many musicians. I love musicians. The only thing I meant was that most of us go through a phase of being like OMG MUSICIANS! and sorta fetishize them when we are younger. Jeez. I would date a musician now. Not saying there is anything wrong with it.

          I’m gonna continue to comment here and I don’t mean anyone ill will. If people want to read that into my comments or give me shit I’m just gonna ignore. Christ on a bike.

          • JFA says:

            Seriously did anyone else read it like that? That is completely not how I meant it. I woudln’t snark on people’s husbands, that is ridiculous.

          • Fashion Girl says:

            You can have my husband if you’d like him. He snores and spends too much money on guitars, but on the upside, he contributes half the rent and cleans the litter box.

          • JFA says:

            I mean it more as a dig on JA for getting all wet in the panties for finally dating one. Most guys I have dated have played music in the past or on the side and I find it very attractive.

            Anyway I give up today.

          • Fashion Girl says:

            Take a lemon square. I was trying to make a joke and defuse this situation, which I totally started as a result of being hyped up on chocolate and disregarding my personal mantra of “Assume Positive Intent”.

  9. Ex Spurt says:

    [img]http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lymo7tl47z1rnk89go1_500.jpg[/img]
    happy donk

  10. Political Science Major says:

    OMG PEARS

    The unfortunate happenstance of one size upstairs and another size downstairs, attemptedly fixed by extending the foot to make it appear to be part of the leg is just so … unfortunate

  11. virgil reid says:

    what is obsession with nude hose? i wore them in high school with my school uniform because we werent allowed to wear pants. granted, it is the least of her problems…

    • Fashion Girl says:

      She thinks because the Middleton girls wear them, it’s classy. Also: control top.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        If she feels she has to wear something on her bare legs, then why not nude fishnets? They look so much better than nude glittery hose.

        • Fashion Girl says:

          Totally agreed. I was just thinking that I’ve never owned a pair of nude hose in my life, and then I remembered that I do indeed have nude fishnets. They are pretty sexy.

    • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

      I spent a good deal of high school behaving as if I weren’t allowed to wear pants, too.

    • flaggedbythelab says:

      The hose make your legs look smoother and tighter. I’m just so surprised that for someone who is not fat, she only has visible calf muscles, and only when she wears heels. The mind boggles.

    • Sausage Snappers says:

      Yeah, they even out skin-tone in the legs and make them look awesome, but nowadays it’s not an everyday item unless for special occasions. They used to be a luxury item; in WWII women had to give up their nylons for the war effort, so they used gravy to stain their legs and drew a fake seam up the back to mimic the look.

      • Dyspeptic says:

        Gravy? Damn. The things you learn on RBD.

      • bitchface says:

        they were the Snooki’s of the 30’s! awesome

        I have scars on my legs and am very sensitive about showing them so I miss out on a lot of cute dresses because no one has worn pantyhose /tights for the past 5 years. I will be so. blessed. if they are truly coming back in.

        • Prof. F Camping says:

          no one has worn pantyhose /tights for the past 5 years.

          i tots did not know this. i’ve been wearing them.
          #ForeverNotCool

          • Donksers says:

            I’m #ForeverNotCool, too, Prof. Camping. I honestly did not know that pantyhose had gone out of style. I like pantyhose because they camouflage my awful looking bare legs.

        • Natasha says:

          what is this even. People wear tights all. the. time. IDK if we’re like Anna Wintour now and tights are so over, darling, but — what? come on now.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Nude hose are deeply uncool in fashionable circles. Opaque tights are fine except when you are A Donkey and wear opaque black tights with a strapless prom dress.

          • bitchface says:

            I grew up saying “tights” for pantyhose, not those opaque things that only look good in black or unless you’re tall and thin (or maybe short and petite) but not-s0-good on me.

            ‘Panty’ was a no-no word in my house. I still don’t like that word. Don’t ask.

            But I meant HOSIERY – been out of fashion for a while now and I love my nude PANTYHOSES

          • basementdoor says:

            Is it really that uncool to wear pantyhose? I’m a pretty unfashionable catlady in general but I thought they looked good 🙁 they keep my legs warm in the winter! and cover my feet when I wear flats so I don’t have to wear those awkward flat sock things!

          • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

            Ahem…you rang?

        • mcakez says:

          I have tattoos on my calves and feet, so pantyhose have long been out for me, too, because it looks tee-rarded and isn’t fooling anyone.

          Thankfully, I never leave the basement.

    • anon says:

      Her legs are pale and lacking in muscle tone. Just can’t with that outfit above, she looks like a sausage in a shiny casing (face included).

    • Albie Quirky says:

      It’s typical of her utter lack of grasp of style and trend, despite thinking she’s an OMG FASHION JOURNALIST.

      Kate Middleton has to wear them because she has to be super-formal at all times as part of her job. A Donkey wearing them is either frumpy or stupid and frumpy.

  12. ShesJustStupid says:

    So she drove all the way to San Francisco to see this guy perform a gig? I guess he didn’t pony up for a plane ticket, huh? And now she’s WHINING up a storm about her temperature on Twitter looking for some sympathy. I dearly hope that this guy is the one she wants to show up for Birthcray because I don’t know many musicians who are into dress up balls and high-maintenance tiara bitches.

  13. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot. says:

    Wardrobe change! She’s got to get hip rock star girlfriend outfits now. That will be fun to watch.

    • flaggedbythelab says:

      [img]http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l789go1YZA1qz6dlko1_400.jpg[/img]

      How quickly you forget!

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      That will be funny. I guess it depends on what kind of musician he is. Will be hilarious if it’s folk, and we’ll see her break out the prairie dresses and weave daisies into her hair.

      Assignment, haters: Figure out who he is. He’s based in SF, and she probably either friended or followed him recently if he’s on Twitter. No need for us to do a post on him, but we can discuss him in the comments. All I know is that he’s a manwhore.

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        I love that he’s a manwhore. To her, that will be the challenge, to tame him to only want her. But in the end, it will so blow up in her face.

  14. ShesJustStupid says:

    Her twitter is hilarious right now:

    timpatterson Tim Patterson ♫
    @juliaallison The HuffPo column is a copy/paste from last year.. are you gonna write new columns for them?
    8 hours ago
    in reply to ↑

    @JuliaAllison
    Julia Allison
    @timpatterson – not until we’ve posted all of the old ones! Thrilled to be able to get them in front of new eyes, especially at Huff Po.
    7 hours ago via Echofon

    And then there’s this response to her tweeting about her fever temp:

    @JuliaAllison
    Julia Allison
    Edging to 101.9. I bet no one’s live tweeted their fever, right?? Oh, who am I kidding?! It’s 2012. People live tweet their colonoscopies.
    7 hours ago via Echofon
    replies ↓

    Sc0rPi0n42O Jeremy Miller
    @
    @JuliaAllison It’d be more entertaining if you live-tweeted a masturbation/orgasm session after your fever levels off do_Ob
    7 hours ago

  15. Subsidized Donk Den says:

    Haha, god, Donkey reposted what I think is her first Social Studies column (“Netiquette 101”) to HuffPo and didn’t bother to update any of the references (“The wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton this April 29 has inspired stern commandments”) and she makes a reference to a “parental dictum for 2011.”

    • Subsidized Donk Den says:

      oops, sorry She’sJustStupid, looks like I need CDB’s AK-cat to punish me for not refreshing before posting. The hilarious thing is that she really did just straight up cut and paste without bothering to update any of the “topical” references. Such a cutting edge social-media princess.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      HuffPo doesn’t pay for content; anyone, even a hack like Julia Allison, can submit any shite & have it posted in HuffPo.

      • LEFOOLIEH says:

        Which is precisely why she was advising as much during her Learning Shamex presentation. Provocatively stretch and massage the truth, that’s the way to succeed!

      • mcakez says:

        So this is how she is going to pretend to be a working columnist for her stupid show? By re-running stuff in a free online paper?

      • Subsidized Donk Den says:

        Yep, I didn’t assume she was getting paid for it but somehow her utter shamelessness in not even re-reading the content and updating (or even excising) the outdated references surprised me. I don’t know why, because that is such a Donk thing to do, but here we are.

    • neverbotoxed says:

      Can someone explain how newspapers work? I was under the assumption that because her articles were published under Tribune Media Services, she would not be able to re-publish them anywhere else.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        Yeah, Tribune Media Services paid Julia Allison Baugher for the content & therefore ‘own’ it, no? Not to mention. that another media outlet didn’t have to pay the going rate of $7 for her article(s) seems like an unfair trade for those 2-3 papers who occasionally did run her tripe …

        • Albie Quirky says:

          I am surprised TMS hasn’t ripped her a new asshole, but maybe she’s paying the syndication fee for the HuffPo reprint (HuffPo would never pay for anything in a katrillion years).

  16. Princess WideStance says:

    MAJOR pet peeve of mine: when she lifts her arm wayyyyy up and out so that no arm fat shows. Wouldn’t you rather have a slightly larger looking arm and look like a somewhat intelligent human being? Arrrrrgh.

  17. Sausage Snappers says:

    Finding a lifelong partner, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

  18. Circumstantial Celiac Sass says:

    My mom just texted me that she got her Burning Man tickets through the lottery system. I’m imagining all sorts of scenarios right now…

    • Sausage Snappers says:

      Your mom sounds awesome.

      • Circumstantial Celiac Sass says:

        She is totally awesome. She said something about an art car?

        So if you see a 50yr old blond woman with 3′ long pigtail braids and a lot of ink under her nails doing yoga like a 20yr old, you’ve probably just seen my mom.

        She would eat JA alive.

  19. Diabetic Feet says:

    This chick really thinks she’s got a whoppingly fantastic pair of stems.

    DONKEY! YOUR LEGS ARE HEINOUS! COVER THEM UP. YOU ARE NOT TEH SEXXAY.

  20. Diabetic Feet says:

    Also she’s got the same rotten, smug, entitled look on her face she always has…even in pictures from when she was a little kid.

    Julia Baugher is just a spoiled, nasty little (not that little) thing. Unredeemable. Beyond help. Sociopathic. Fat.

    • JFA says:

      I don’t understand how anyone besides Afghanis who speak little english can stand being her FB friend. Honestly.

  21. dd says:

    She looks so stumpy and smug here! I started to laugh but then I realized she somehow stole my dead grandmother’s necklace and earrings!

  22. pearipathetic donkey says:

    So, at 31 years old. Our Donkey actually thinks they contrived themed pictures are what get guys interested in her? Like posting that picture of her grandfather in a military uniform is really what made Pancakes want to date her. Just like this piano pic will make the musician fall madly in love with her? She is hopeless … and stupid.

  23. JFA says:

    First of all, she’s a moron. “Runaway Train” is awful and if she knew dick about music she would be listening to “Hang Time.” But haha! Her taste sucks!

    Also, those shoes are like 7 year old Manolos. She is so trashy and ridiculous. I can’t even. He must be a trust fund musician or she would NEVER date him – we know what a money grubbing whore she is.

    Stop trying to be a hipster. You will never be remotely cool.

    • flaggedbythelab says:

      So glad you said that because I HATE HATE HATE that song. It sounds so damn whiny and annoying.

  24. Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

    Why has no one figured out who the musician is yet?!? I’ve put off going to the library and the bookstore hoping this would be solved!

    p.s. Also liquor store.

    • Flyingdonkeycopter says:

      What about this guy. He was also at Burning Man and I think he was in her photos.
      https://twitter.com/#!/dan

      • Frequent Liar Miles says:

        But Matty, besides being an OMG musician, is a social media whiz and WRITES CODE, just the combination to get Donkey into a lather of lust.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          Oh yeah, Donkey wishes the likes of him (OMG! Founder!) would pay the slightest bit of ATTN to her. I’m reasonably sure that Matt Mullenweg is into intelligent & successful women, not cupcake-hoovering shilldebeast donkeys w/ plastic hair & green skin tags.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            p.s

            FLM — I’d never heard of Matt Mullenweg before last night, when I happened onto this old blog article & of course thought of our gold-digging donkey as soon as I saw the title: http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/04/16/gold-digging-web-20-style/

          • bitchface says:

            For the record: MATT MUTTENBAG is a DOUCHEEEE of epic proportions – like Mark Zuckerberg stratosphere full of himself dick

          • stalkerIsTheNew says:

            can i just say how much i hate penelope fucking trunk.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

            Yeah, Stalker – her blog is pretty much the suck.

          • stalkerIsTheNew says:

            every time i remember she exists i hate her all over again. She’s the worst.

          • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

            I have been known to pray that GOMI would pick up on Penelope Trunk. I’m not a GOMI regular anymore, but still. Good lord, that woman.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Jumping on the Penelope Trunk Hate Train. So many reasons to hate her, from the “Tweeting my miscarriage” to her many humblebrags of using her sex appeal (???) to get ahead in business to her generally shitty career advice.

          • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

            Albie, have you been following the latest? The Farmer allegedly beating her? Oh laws.

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        The biggest problem Donkey has in the dating world is she thinks she’s hot shit. She thinks her looks are smokin’ and she has a personality to match. This is why she’ll be chasing 28 year old musicians and OMGfounders – guys who can pull any amount of pussy.

        These guys are not going to put up with a braying, needy hosebeast. She needs to get real and start dating accordingly. If she wants someone rich, she needs to get with someone way older than her with bad vision and perhaps bordering on being deaf.

  25. JFA says:

    Oh oh oh. Sorry if this has been said (bad day, dismal) but…isn’t it obvious any musician is dating her to get exposure? Then she brags about it like it’s true love. Haha. This is her life now.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      How is it obvious?

      • JFA says:

        I mean it’s not obvious but…I just figured most of her dating now is probably geared towards the show. And it’s hard for me to believe any guy would date her for legitimate reasons. Maybe “obvious” wasn’t the right word. But I suspect…

      • Albie Quirky says:

        I think that if she is dating this Andrew Bancroft guy, it probably is connected to the show, because he’s trying to position himself as a relationship guru as well as a rapping jelly donut.

        • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

          Funniest sentence ever:

          “… because he’s trying to position himself as a relationship guru as well as a rapping jelly donut.”

        • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

          Oh god, not THE rapping jelly doughnut? I saw that guy at one of those horrible Digg parties a couple of years ago at Mighty (when Digg almost was something). He wears a jelly doughnut costume while he raps. No joke. It’s not a metaphor. It was horrible and stupid and I wanted to kill myself for being there.

  26. DirtyLakeMichigan says:

    OT alert – Just HAD to come here to say, (Jacy and fellow recommenders of “We Need to Talk about Kevin”), OMG!!! Celia. Drano. Eye.
    Cannotputthisdownandhavesomuchtodo…

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      UM. . . SPOILER ALERT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        I thought these discussions were being relegated to the Forum just so people could avoid the spoilers … no?

      • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

        Is it????? I DON’T know… it’s just getting really good so I don’t/didn’t know!
        Oh… and Franklin is asshole.

        • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

          Now I feel like Alice during Stairway to Heaven…

        • bitchface says:

          see I Thought Franklin was an asshole until I read the interview by the author and thought OMG no wonder ! Who could live with that????

          • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

            Finished. Now I need to read that interview because I’m not sure how I feel about him now.

          • bitchface says:

            i’ve prob hyped it up too much and you’ll be expecting wicked witch of the west, but she really is racist, classist, whatever-ist and full of herself, so you can see the narrator in her as a real person and I tried to imagine being married to that and – ugh. He was dense, sure, but she was a biotch…

          • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

            I think she’s cold and obviously has her issues, but I kept wanting to smack Franklin in the head and say, “Hellloooooooo??? So.Many.Things.Franklin”

        • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

          Last night I stopped at the part when it was obvious that object would play a larger role. And I just read the chapter you reference at lunch. I’m powering through so we can talk about how much I hate this lady.

  27. BeepBeepBoopBeepBeep. I Am A Robot. says:

    I’m pretty sure you catladies have photos in your arsenal which documents her attempts to assimilate into her latest “love interest’s” interests with a complementary wardrobe change.

    Jake/Paradigm Shifting Hipster photos
    Prom King/Young Collegiate Studying for her GRE’s
    Pancakes/The Perfect Republican outfit
    That married multimillionaire with the plane who was into yoga/LuLuLemon Yoga outfits

    There are probably others I’m missing out on, but I hope you catch my drift.

    • Nickelodeon Chic says:

      How sad must it be to literally have no identity of your own. To be a shapeshifter, becoming whatever you think will cause others to love you because you do not love yourself.

    • Sad Rat In Sidewalk says:

      Harvard Harley/red hair and hipstery oversize blazers

      • flaggedbythelab says:

        TK and s’mores/camping on the beach.

        Remember when she was doing the casual (HA!) sex thing and she was making it seem like she was still going on dates and she made out with some writer on every corner before going to the radio show?

    • Albie Quirky says:

      I will yet again link to the Chekhov story that foretold the emergence of A Donkey.

      Fuck Nostradamus, Chekhov’s the real psychic genius.

      • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

        Thank you for this link, Albie. Seriously. It’s a gold-mine. Especially since one of my kids thinks “Handyman” magazine and “Diary of a Whimpy Kid”, is fine reading.

      • Prof. F Camping says:

        read it last night (happily found it was included in russian short story collection on my e-reader). i wish there had been more exposition of WHY olenka (or a donkey) was so dependent on others for her personality and opinions.

    • mcakez says:

      In my circle we call this ‘relationship tofu’ — no real flavor of its own, until paired with something else. The JAMyL is ‘relationship tofu’ as well (last year she had a minute where she started saying she was a ‘moderate liberal conservative’ which is hilarious because she had always bragged about being a hardcore liberal hippie before. Now she is with an extremely liberal anthropologist and she is taking a few weeks off later this year to go do Habitat for Humanity or something in Chile. Anyway, I really ought to just start a JAMyLs thread in the forum so we can all vent.)

      Julia is relationship tofu because she is squishy and lacks taste, but pair her with someone and she takes on the exact flavor he does. She probably considers this as being versatile and multifaceted, except that she completely contradicts herself in each incarnation, showing that there are no facets involved. Just a bland, impressionable lump that is disgusting all on its own.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        Being so malleable would explain why Donkey always looks so … lumpy

  28. Lilly's Long Island Sitter says:

    You guys need to stop the hate on this site. I bet none of you have anything approaching Julia Allison’s accomplishments:

    1. Julia Allison has covered both NY fashion week AND ComiCon exclusively for Vimeo

    2. Julia Allison is a syndicated journalist for various prestigious media outlets, including Tumblr and HuffingtonPost. In 2012, Julia Allison accomplished the Triple Lindy of journalism — 1) outsource writing of entire article, 2) publish in Calcutta, 3) plagiarize self by reposting on free website

    3. Julia Allison has been a brand ambassador for a fish-themed rollercoaster, non-shampoo, discount prescription cards, Swedish hotubs, a local beauty parlor and a costume/car rental company.

    4. Julia Allison went to Harvard, Princeton, Stanford and MIT — at least ten times in the last few years.

    You guys should find a better use of your pathetic time.

  29. Shamoo£ia says:

    My god, those tacky ass rhinestone “Manolos.” I just kant. They might be worse than the “YSLs.” Donkey, next time you shop for fake designer rip offs, please pick something besides THE MOST COMMON AND RIPPED OFF STYLE.

    Just say no to counterfeits donkey!

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      Even if they’re real, they’re: 1) horribly dated, 2) busted-looking, and 3) barely able to contain her nasty hooves.

      • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

        Yeah, her feet look too wide for the shoe! I can’t imagine the spillage of footy flesh when she stands up… ew

  30. bitchface says:

    the only person she’s friended recently on FB appears to be married (or at least has a young child and pics with a woman who looks like an SO).

    Also her piano man pose was liked by the following peeps:
    Vase Londza, Montmartre
    Moe Jackson, Vanderbilt University
    Kanon Ar, British Columbia Institute of Technology
    Pablo Roca, Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, Mexico
    Ahmad Badali, Tehran at Big bazar
    Baki Istorija, Works at History Teacher
    Abhay Joshi
    Michel Arrieta
    Nafaà Barça Barça, Usto oran
    Daniel Garces Zuleta
    Ahmet Hatem, İzmir, Turkey
    Rashid Araali, University of the Punjab
    Saadettin Arslan
    Kelvin J Cyrus SAE Nashville, TN
    Ahsan MaGsi. Foundation Public School
    Martin Mc Guckin
    Mohammed Mahfoudh

    Looks like Afghan FF is being replaced by Pakistani Facebook friends (not quite the same ring to it)

    Also she didn’t bother to reply to “Ali Shanti” (Alexis McNeely) about attending an event for some hippie love in thing http://www.GateCommunity.org/

    Also Shira Lazar is all up in Julia Allison’s ass lately

    and finally, nice bra!!!
    [img]http://i42.tinypic.com/mineoy.jpg[/img]

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      Eww, is that when she was at Dolores Park in SF, “laying [sic] in the sun” last weekend? I am sure that outfit garnered many a bitch-please side-eye in SF.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      HOW UNCOMFORTABLE IS SHE?????

      Also..ugly face. She’s toast.

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      Her face is sooooooooooo bloated. Whoa!!!!

      And that hat looks like it’s so small for her head and is just going to POP right off!

      • Peltergeist says:

        That hat totally doesn’t fit, and she bent the brim too much. Also…. totally wrong outfit for sitting around in the sun, dipshit. Suede? Turtleneck? Come on. She’s like a suburban mom who just can’t help herself.

    • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

      Goddamn, if I was the fauxtographer here I’d be ducking and covering. That button on those jeans is about to rocket off at lethal velocity. Size up, JAB.

      Also, that whole… what the fuck ever it is… is so un-SF it’s funny.

    • Lilly's Long Island Sitter says:

      “Julia Allison, proud participant of the prestigious MIT C.A.P program”

      • Kissy Face to a Crowd of Crickets says:

        LOLZ!

      • DSM V: JFA Edition says:

        i always wonder how she handles that conversation when an alum sees her rocking the hat and says, oh what year? or something… and she says, my little brother goes there? and i stood by a podium once.

    • She's a cruel and strange bitch says:

      Again, that hat appears to be floating an inch above her head. She used to wear hats like a somewhat normal person. Has her head literally gotten larger? Did she also get Juvederme to the scalp? I don’t understand.

    • stalkerIsTheNew says:

      We love Julia Allison!!!!!!!!

      signed,

      Facebook Friends

      [img]http://i.imgur.com/Fj5WN.gif[/img]

  31. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    I cannot wait for him to ask her who is her favorite musician and she answers, “Ariel.”

  32. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    And I’m sure his interest in a 49 year old looking Donkey has nothing to do with him trying to get on a Bravo show. Alrighty then.

  33. Dr. Gary says:

    What about this guy? She recently started following him on twitter. He lives in the ‘Bay Area’

    http://twitter.com/jellyd

    @jellyd
    andrew bancroft
    thanks, @AdamCSmith ! beyond comedy stuff, i’m actually working on a more serious folky album now. stuff in this vein: bit.ly/ySLvju

  34. Dr. Gary says:

    OT: Julie posted some new Comic Con videos. Super Cringe-y!

    http://vimeo.com/35903787

    Dead Eyes? Check!
    Spider Pelt Eyelashes? Check!
    Lots of nodding and blinking? Check!
    Talking over people? Double check!
    Wonder Woman headband upside down? Checkity Check!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      @ 1:02 looks to be a sketch of Donkey …
      @ 1:05 Donkey can’t tear her eyes off the sketch …

    • Subsidized Donk Den says:

      She interviews Grant Morrison. Grant fucking Morrison. HOW DOES SHE GET THESE OPPORTUNITIES? What was this even for??

    • Princess WideStance says:

      She can hardly. Move. Her face.

    • Can-Swiss says:

      That linked story would be great if you remove Julia Allison. Her voice, her in the shots, her talking, everything.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Why is the fucking music so much louder than their voices? Jesus, great editing.

    • JFA says:

      Of course she had them draw herself. The story is always about her. Love how absolutely no one else is dressed in costume.

  35. Exhausted Drag Hag says:

    Oh, shit. I know that guy. Ummmmm……

  36. Prof. F Camping says:

    I am Donkey, hear me plink!

    [img]http://www.tumblr.com/photo/1280/juliaallison/128308651/1/NB8YioMLip182d4t8TuqLTl2[/img]

  37. Prof. F Camping says:

    also, who the fuck uses a mercury thermometer anymore (cf. her recent tweets)? oh right, dumb donkeys…

  38. Real-life "Cathy" Cartoon says:

    The nose! So chopped and tiny. Did she go to the “ashram” yet again?

  39. Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

    I’ve just started Freedom. Should I go on with it? I’m not very far into it but Patty isn’t appealing to me much.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      hated it.

    • Fashion Girl says:

      I loved it, but I think with Franzen, it’s either love or hate. I know very few people who are “meh” on him. Kind of like Jonathan Lethem. “Chronic City” made me want to self-harm, other people thought it was amazing.

      I think Patty gets a little more sympathetic later on, but she is never not annoying.

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        I loved “The Corrections” Thought this one was boring.

        • Fashion Girl says:

          My theory, it is disproved! Oh well.

          I am reading “Game of Thrones” right now (*shame spiral*) so: what do I know?

          • stalkerIsTheNew says:

            I thought “Game of Thrones” was really fun & i liked the female characters (a rarity in sf/fantasy). I haven’t read any of the others.

          • Fashion Girl says:

            This is my first ever sci-fi/fantasy series. Still not my genre of choice, but GoT is a nice palate cleanser.

      • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

        Oh my god, Chronic City is one of my favorite novels of the past few years. Please don’t hate me, Fashion Girl! And my husband (a former professional musician! which I am totally over) loved it so much he finished it and started it all over again. I’m just a Lethem fan in general, from Motherless Brooklyn to As She Climbed Across The Table to Fortress of Solitude. I don’t feel that way about Franzen, however. I’ll stick with Freedom; would LURVE it if someone else was also reading it. RBD folk, I mean.

        • stalkerIsTheNew says:

          we need an amazon gift certificate fund and all the lurkers can contribute to us witty readers.

        • Fashion Girl says:

          It’s not you, it’s me. I’m just missing the “Chronic City” gene, apparently.

          Here’s another divisive one: “Middlesex”. I loved it, while other smart, well-read people I know wanted to find Jeff Eugenides and smack him. Have heard similar mixed reviews of “The Marriage Plot”.

          • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

            I adored Middlesex and found The Marriage Plot abhorrent. Like I actually wanted to hit when I finished it, and also all the way through. Terrible. But Middlesex is amazing.

          • Jordache and the Pelts says:

            Enjoyed Middlesex (and Virgin Suicides) and looking forward to the new one even though folks are saying its meh. Cannot stand Franzen, abhorred The Corrections and that awful family so am reluctant to dive into Freedom. I also really enjoyed A Visit From The Goon Squad, which is apparently also very decisive. I, looking forward to how they treat it in the HBO show – certainly there’s room to expand the characters.
            I just caught the Game of Thrones (tv) bug- I was reluctant because I don’t care for elves and dragons. I got HOOKED and watch the whole season within two days (a luxury of semester break which is now over). Il read the books at some point. right now I barely have time to get brought The New Yorker each week.

          • K_Swizz (is a Narcissistic Sparklefart ) says:

            Hated Middlesex, mainly because I get easily distracted and the constant shift in narrator and timeline really threw me off.

        • Kissy Face to a Crowd of Crickets says:

          I read it over the summer (Freedom, I mean) and LOVED it. Trying to get through Corrections right now but it’s not gripping me the way Freedom did.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Patty is one of my favorite fictional female characters in years. I can’t say she was always likeable, but she was hilarious and real and I totally related to her in 100 different ways.

    • Can-Swiss says:

      You won’t really like any of them, as it’s a very real book. I enjoyed it. I think he’s a good writer. Overrated, yes. But that doesn’t mean I think it’s not a good read.

    • Leigh says:

      Stick with it! By the midpoint, you won’t be able to put it down. “Walnut Surprise” is my new go-to alias…just wait til you meet Richard!

    • Restylame says:

      I would stick with it. Patty is totally unappealing, yes, but it’s a good read.

      #CatLadyStampOfApproval

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      My favorite book of the year, and Patty is an amazing character in the end if you just stick with her. Loved loved loved that book.

      • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

        OK… so can we have a side-bar or something with good book recommendations? Also viewing favorites? I for one, view this basement as an amazing cultural touchstone.

      • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

        Thanks, all. Will definitely stick with it. I’ve been on a huge LDS kick lately, starting with Under The Banner of Heaven, then Leaving the Saints. Now I’m reading The Prophet’s Prey by a private detective named Sam Bower (I think), about his seven year investigation into the shenanigans of Warren Jeffs. EEEK.

        • sec says:

          Delurking to comment on books, not JA! I read that Sam Bower book too and it drove me nuts. Well – he drove me nuts. Are the other books better?

          • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

            I just started the Sam Bower book. Under the Banner of Heaven is AMAZING (but I’ve enjoyed all of Jon Krakauer’s books). Leaving the Saints is a memoir by one of the Jessop women — big, big name in the FLDS — and I found it compelling but very icky.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          I thought Brent Jeffs’s book Lost Boy (he is Warren Jeffs’s nephew) was very good. He co-wrote it with Maia Szalavits, whose book about abusive “boot camp” programs for teens I adored.

    • Kate Middlebrow says:

      Hated this book with a passion. :-/

      • mule on rouge says:

        Has anybody read A Geography of Secrets by Frederick Reuss? The reviews are really good, and I saw a nearly-new hardback of it at the local college bookstore for a sweet price. Thinking about picking it up tomorrow.

  40. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    I wonder if a Donkey is pretending to be sick so she doesn’t have to accept Ali Shati’s invite to hang this weekend. Hmmmm….?

  41. Diabetic Feet says:

    She is 100% not sick. She boiled the thermometer.

  42. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    If you have a fever of 102, the last fucking thing that would occur to you would be to take photos of yourself and post them to the Internet. You’d be shivering or burning up and just want to be left alone in your misery. Jesus, this fucking donkey. Why is she such a gigantic lying man-hungry fraud-face stewing in scheme juices?

    RUN ANDREW BANCROFT RUN

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      She is a liar. I had a fever that I can only guess was 100 or 101 – I don’t have a prop thermometer to use to take pics with so I can’t be sure – my body ached, my head hurt and I buried under the covers.

      Not only does her whining make me sick — but this isn’t a reason to need your Mom. I’ve had friends younger than her lose their homes, go through serious illnesses and watched parents get sick/pass away. They all nutted up. They didn’t cry when they got a mild fever or didn’t get Burning Man tickets.

      This is why no man will ever put up with her. She is a needy psycho.

      • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

        Because I feel like venting… three years ago (a year after her mother died) one of my best friends was diagnosed with a rare type of cervical cancer that went undiagnosed due to the type and location. It was finally detected while she was pregnant with her first and only child. With multiple appointments a week — hemorrhaging profusely the whole time — she managed to carry her son to 31 weeks, at which point doctors did an emergency c-section and swept her straight from the birthing table to the operating room, where they pulled out her uterus and started her on intensive chemo and radiation. Her son spent two months in the NICU while everyone held their breath that he would live. Eventually her cancer went into remission and stayed there … for a while.

        A month ago it was determined that that same cancer is now in both of her LUNGS.

        Is she crying? Probably — inside. Outwardly, since she is a fucking champ, she is all smiles and talking of kicking cancer’s ass a second time. All while hugging US, and talking to US, and telling US to chill when we are in hysterics sobbing about it.

        Julia is the epitome of ‘first world problems.’ Not only that, but she mostly causes them herself! I hate to think of her ever enduring any real hardship — not because I wish her well, but because she would be even more self-involved, insufferable, attention-hoarding and pathetic because of it.

        YOUR PROBLEMS ARE PATHETIC AND TRITE, YOU STUPID BITCH. GET OVER YOURSELF.

        God. I am so disgusted with her right now.

        • Prof. F Camping says:

          cakez, i wish the best for your friend.
          what is bizarre is that this reminded me of an identical case i know of that happened to someone who is three degrees removed from me (mr. meow’s sister’s old boss): cervical cancer detected during pregnancy. i think she survived it, as did the kid.
          just weird, that’s all.

        • Albie Quirky says:

          Your friend sounds like an amazing person. Stories about people with that kind of strength just highlight the endless abyss of Donkeyfail.

          I wish your friend the very best care and the best possible outcomes. Sounds like she has lots of love in her corner!

        • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

          Oh, Cakez, I am so so sorry to hear this. I lost one of my oldest friends in a similar way (liver cancer detected during her first pregnancy) when she was 29. She had to begin horrible, radical chemotherapy WHILE pregnant just to live long enough to deliver the baby at 32 weeks, I think, and then die when he was three months old. I hope never to see that kind of suffering again. I really feel for your friend and her family and all of you who love her.

    • mcakez says:

      Because cooking up funny theories if part of what makes this place amusing, this is mine: They probably canoodled, and she is doing this as some sort of cutesy, “You got me sick, Jelly Dognuts! This is what I get for being such a vixeny vixen and swapping spit with a dangerously sexy musically musical musician!!!”

      Seriously, though, if it is A. Bankrupt, I hope he gave her the herps.

  43. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    Looks like deathly ill Donkey is up and reading here because she changed her profile pic 10 minutes ago. The third time in less than 24 hours that she’s changed it; guess she’s trying to find the photo that will most impress her new victim. Oh honey. So very ill, in more ways than one.

    • mcakez says:

      Seriously, I have been running her piano photo choice over in my head, and I just KANT. Does she honestly, consciously, think that posting such a picture makes her look ‘musical’ and attractive to a musician? Does she not see how that could send up Stage 5 Clinger signs to a dude if that is the case? Also, who the fuck actually cycles through hella old pictures of themselves on Facebook with such regularity? I don’t tend to seek out celebrity facebooks, but a few ‘well known’ people who I’ve stumbled on tend to actually have pictures that obscure who they are, or look very downplayed and candid. Not glossy fauxto shoot pictures that scream, “I AM SOOOO FAMOOSE!!”

      What. Is. WRONG with her?! (Alternate: “WHO DOES THAT?!?!?”)

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      I think the only serenade she’s likely to hear is “yeah, baby, just like that”, but anyway, I googled the dude, and in addition to the music thing, Mr. Doughnut happens to be a hotshot copywriter at a major agency. So, good looks, high income, and the kind of industry contacts the former Sony sweetheart craves. I’m betting he’ll flee faster than current record holder, TK.

    • JFA says:

      OMG three times in a day. Holy fuck. She is deranged.

    • mule on rouge says:

      What was she planning to do when Jelly Nutz asked her to play something for him on the piano?

  44. mcakez says:

    re: her claims that she didn’t get Burning Man tickets in the lottery, which just shittily shittified her already shitty day (WAAAH). The best I can explain is this: there is a new system, which is tiered. First they sold a bunch of pre-sale tickets at $420. After that, you could apply for the lottery and put your card number in, and there are three different price levels. If you apply your card is supposed to be charged automatically when the lottery is done. There were 40k tickets sold at this level, so the likelihood that she didn’t get selected is basically non-existent. Now, there are another 10k tickets that will go on sale later this year.

    Either she was hoping to get one of the cheaper level tickets, and didn’t, and is therefore claiming she lost the lottery, or she didn’t sign up at all.

    Excuses, dude.

    (Also, I won’t be going — yet again — this year, for completely unrelated reasons. Since everyone totally cares, right?)

    • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

      I care! Everyone on RBD should do things what make them happy. This is my new rule.

    • bitchface says:

      $420? that is so lame…. (not just the price the lame reference)

      I don’t know why, but I can’t stand aging pot smoking wannabe hippies

      • stalkerIsTheNew says:

        it’s the culture of making money off the bro-tarded. And the winkywinky-ness of it all. Pretending to be equal and living simply while still being classist and racist. Like fucking Eva and her fucking travel books (not a spoiler!)

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

        Hey now …

      • bitchface says:

        fair enough – if they’re TRUE hippies, fine. If they truly and genuinely live like Ali Shanti and dig 18 eggs out of the dumpster and grow their own tomotoes in the bumper of their RVwreck, more power to them.

        But Ali Shanti is a fake and a grifter and that sort of person who would be “soooo cool, man” smoking pot and chuckling at the 420 ref

        Lame to Ali Shantis/ Julia Allison Baughter/ Justine Musks of the world.

      • mule on rouge says:

        OMG, 420. I didn’t get it until you pointed it out. Soooooo lame.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        Uhhh.

        • bitchface says:

          Jacy, do you go to burning man and act like Ali Shanti? No. Those are the fakesters I can’t stand. True hippies – they rock it out. They wouldn’t care what anyone thinks of them. People like Ali Shanti and Justine Musk (and Julia Allison) only care about what people think about them.

  45. bear says:

    She is so predictable. Remember this tweet?

    @JuliaAllison Julia Allison
    A lovely brunch (risotto with accompanying guitar duet!) followed by hanging in Dolores Park, hipster watching with @Lillydog. Classic SF.

    Well Jelly Donut’s vimeo linked him to this video (http://vimeo.com/35052592), Dolores Park Hipsters, which he was in. He commented on his presence in it. She is such a creep.

    Also? I listened to part of that awful relationship show that he was a “relationship expert” on and found what he said funny:

    Woman Interviewer: What inspires you about women?

    Jelly: What inspires me about women is almost just the innate fact that they’re female, you know, it’s a very natural, who is THIS? This person is different than I am in some really fundamental ways and it’s fascinating and it’s instantly the spark is already there because it’s ingrained in our DNA and our minds and our history as a species anyway to be like hey women, men, you know?

    WI: (laughs) So it doesn’t take much? Andrew’s easy.

    Jelly: And then I like a smile and maybe that’s the quickest way of saying what they’re saying. I like when people are smiling and joyful and not putting on a face. When people are doing what they need to be doing to be happy. I want to experience joy. It’s already in her favor for a straight man that she’s female and if she’s being herself, that’s a bonus.

    Based on his answers, I can really see him pumping and dumping.

    Later on, he talks about his views on commitment and says, “I think it’s just really challenging for two humans to commit themselves to a monogamous relationship…we’re a strange group of monkeys.”

    Sound familiar to anything Donk has said lately?

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Jesus, that out-of-the-blue Tweet the other day about her questioning monogamy. She is a psycho. She compiles as much information as she can about them, then reinvents herself in ways she thinks will attract them and then broadcasts it publicly. Does it not occur to her how obvious it is, and how creepy any normal dude would find it?

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        She is such a stalker!!!!!! What a freak.

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        PS, I watched the old Alex Chung video and then the most recent Today show interview “What if yourself is a stalker?” In both she comes out and says it’s best to hide your craziness and stalkerness for as long as you can. LOL, a Donk will never learn.

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        It’s confirmed – our Donkey is a stalker. On Andrew Bancroft FB page:

        Julia Allison
        I’ve just Facebook stalked a solid 30 of your photographs, and I still have no idea what you look like.
        29 November 2011 at 14:02 near Los Angeles, CA ·

        LOL, oh, LOL. He did not respond.

      • Dyspeptic says:

        not to mention how impossible it will be to keep up the facade for long?

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      MATH MONOGAMY IS HARD!

      • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

        Totally dumb and off-topic (yes, I suck!), but I covered a math teacher’s class today during my prep because she had to go home suddenly. I had no idea what the assignment meant, but as I worked around the room using the answer-key to help students, I was able to work backward and figure out the process. At one point I wound up sitting at the table with the kids having the most trouble, and we began working them through together and comparing our answers together then comparing against the key.

        I know this is silly, but I’ve not taken math in a long time and consider myself a bit of a math idiot. At some point I actually yelled out, “I’m doing math!” which the struggling boys found hilarious and encouraging. It was a great feeling.

        (If you all want to laugh at my math-simplicity, it was multiplying monomials and polynomials, so nothing too exhausting. I still considered it an accomplishment. In a weird way, too, the boys said I actually helped them, just by discovering the process along with them. It was FUN! Maybe I should take more math classes?)

        • Prof. F Camping says:

          high five for learning! (such a donkey thing to say, i know! just don’t underline your books or write dumb notes in the margins!)

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        “Andrew will find monogamy much easier after I’ve used his email to tell every female in his address book that ‘I’ don’t want to ever see them again!”

        -Donkey’s Scheme Juices and/or Weasels

    • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

      Pescatarian Tofu. I am adding it to my name because Donkey is bland and tasteless, except totally rotten fishy.

    • Frequent Liar Miles says:

      “Classic SF.” Who is she to make this pronouncement? She knows nothing of SF and has no concept of “classic.” No concept of anything, actually. And of course no class. Man, I hope this guitar hero “boy” exits stage left quicker than even TK.

  46. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    I’ll just leave this here:

    http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/a8dc1d36f0/chicken-fried-lady-jelly-donut

    Donkey’s new boyfriend really likes friend chicken, y’all.

    • flagged by the lab says:

      So is this guy basically like Daniel Tosh?
      Julia, you’re supposed to eat the Jelly Donut, not date the Jelly Donut.

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      *fried LOL

      • Princess WideStance says:

        Oh, I don’t know. I fancy a little friend chicken every now and then. 🙂

        • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

          Oh, I have a huge crush on this guy. I think he’s hilarious! I want to have ten of his babies. It’s just not going to end well…

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      I think someone’s watched a lot of Flight of the Conchords.

      • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

        Jacy, come back to chat! You came in at the exact moment I was off writing an e-mail. We are all now back and better than ever. (Okay, that ‘better than’ part is a lie, but whatever. Come back!)

  47. helobabe says:

    Could it be anymore apropos that we move from Pancakes into Doughnuts?

    I have a feeling our good karma is blessing us right now giving us so much material with Mr. Donut. His YouTube channel is bananas. So far we’ve done tech founders, businessmen, politician, rapper… What’s next? Maybe the next one will be a circus clown/tarot card reader from Austin named Omelet!

    • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      What is crazy is Jelly is a 180 from Pancakes.

      Jelly Donut used to work at Revision 3 in SF where Shira Lazar’s boyfriend Damon Berger worked at. I wonder if she set this up. This will not end well, this guy is not putting on Bonaboos for any chick.

    • flagged by the lab says:

      A naturopath[img]http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l3h3gr9v4N1qc0y3yo1_500.jpg[/img]

  48. helobabe says:

    I would actually love to hear him serenade Donkey with this melody.

    What Makes You Sad by Jelly Donut:

    Yo, we all go through times when it seems like whole solar system wants to fart in your mouth
    It’s like this huge weight is weighing down and it’s on your dick and you pull and pull
    and it stretches your dick out which seems cool at first and then it’s just all limp and long like fruit by the foot
    Guess we all got shit that makes us sad
    So I don’t really wanna talk about it
    But I will
    You know what makes me sad?
    When I make a perfect sandwich
    Ham and swiss
    Mayonnaise on bran, pickles and chips
    And then my hand slips
    And then I watch as it flips and it falls
    And it hits the planet
    I be like shit, fuck, ass, cock, dick, goddammit
    Why’s this always happen to me i can’t stand it
    I just don’t have enough ingredients to make another
    Oh, brother, I guess I was born to just suffer
    [So sad]
    When I’m sitting all alone by the phone
    Wishing the phone would turn into gold
    But it don’t
    What makes you sad?
    I see homeless guy’s cup, I put a dollar into it
    But the hot girl I’m with doesn’t see me do it
    What makes you sad?
    I think my penis is finished with the pee
    But I zip zip and it and it drip drips on my knee
    What makes you sad?
    For some reason…statues
    Here we go again
    I lost my favorite pen
    It’s like Satan’s taking shots at me every way he can
    Plus uncle sam added another two cents to the price of stamps
    I went swimmin’ after eating, man, and i don’t like these cramps
    Plus I didn’t get a Werther’s original from my Gramps
    I went to Ikea for a pillow and left with lamps
    The electrodes are broken on my favorite nipple clamps
    It’s like my life’s a wheelchair and there ain’t no ramps
    What makes you sad?
    When ET says “ET phone home” but he ends up in the ditch, disgusting and alone
    What makes you sad?
    I’m utterly convinced my life is in the shitter, Mom, stop following me on twitter
    What makes you sad
    Instead of a girl, a man is in my bed and I’ve been getting head for ten minutes
    What makes you sad?
    Farmer’s markets
    Yo, no matter how down you get, lift ya head up, because the music’s always there for you
    I survive because the beat goes on and on and on…wait, where’s the fucking beat?

  49. Dr. Gary says:

    A double dose of *cringe* and *cankleshausen*

    [img]http://i43.tinypic.com/rscwic.png[/img]

    • OMGPearskank says:

      Now will you look at that! Donkey’s quite the seasoned guitarist… But seriously, it looks as if she’s about to maul that poor instrument to death with the donkey claw of doom.
      Oh, and the way she holds the instrument reminds me of a semi-recent photo where she held someone’s (facebook’s sister’s? Don’t remember) baby – just as awkward way, feigning joy and actually knowing what she’s doing, and as if it was somewhat icky.

      • Andy Wintour hacks (up a furball) says:

        If you look closely, she’s strumming it with her pinky finger.

        Is that Jelly’s guitar, anyone?

        • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

          It’s the same Martin model Jelly employs in his youtube assault on “Rocky Raccoon”.

          Dunno about Jelly, but guitarists just love it when non-players grab their expensive instrument and start strumming.

          • flaggedbythelab says:

            Yeah, my bf is a great guitarist and I don’t touch unless he hands them to me. HE probably has about $20K worth of equipment and I cannot afford to pay for repair.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            I can’t imagine picking up one of my huscat’s guitars, and I actually know how to play the guitar properly. They’re his babies.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

          ::~shudder~:: If you look too closely, you’ll see that her middle knuckle looks like what her kneecap should look like.

        • Mini Driver says:

          If you look closely closely, you will see that she’s actually strumming WHILE FLASHING A WHITE-GIRL WEST-COAST GANG SIGN. It’s like she actually said, “I don’t think I’m coming across as obnoxious enough, what else should I do?” and started fielding suggestions from the room.

      • Donk, Donk. Who's There? says:

        She’s bizarre.
        I can’t imagine dating a musician and then being all OOOOH YOUR GUITAR! CAN I TRY? EEEEEE!! TAKE A PICTURE! NO WAIT WRONG SIDE. OK NOW – HEEEEE LOOK AT MEEE WITH MY BOYFRIEND’S GUITAR!!!! ME ME MEEEE HAHAHA HEEEE-HAW!!

        My huscat is an artist. It would be like me posing with his pencils and sketch book. wtf.

        • flaggedbythelab says:

          Coopting other people’s talents is so sad. And it’s sad that with all that education, grifting is her only talent.

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      My god the buck teeth.

      • fig says:

        I know as a yellow toothed European i should not pass judgment, but the day glow quality of her teeth freaks me out so much!

        • Shamoo£ia says:

          Only her front teeth are veneered/bleached. The rest of her mouth looks quite mossy and gross.

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      Also, I look at her hands and all I see is this:
      [img]http://healthylifecarenews.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Chicken-claw.jpg[/img]

    • Prof. F Camping says:

      bobby pin mullet, and what hell is going on with her ear?
      not to mention, those shoulders… is this some lady gaga-designed shit for extra bony shoulder protrusions?

  50. idiotbox says:

    Jacy, what’s your email address?

  51. Finally Delurking says:

    Uh oh, looks like Donkey maybe has some support in the scientific community.

    http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/la-heb-added-sugar-tax-lustig-20120201,0,5626906.story

  52. Shamoo£ia says:

    Her new profile picture is an ooooold picture of her with Judah Friedlander. WTF? Did Jelly Donut make an offhand comment that he thought 30 Rock was funny? SHE IS A PSYCHO.

    • pattym says:

      Jelly Donut is probably in the comedy scene — he’s friends with Anthony Veneziale, who’s big in the improv scene in SF and NY. AV also just became friends with JA, so she’s using the Judah Friedlander picture to prove how linked in she is with the comedy scene.

    • juliajane says:

      Oh my God, she is the saddest and most pathetic woman in the world. She completely changes herself into the kind of woman she thinks her target wants. She is utterly inauthentic and vapid. How many incarnations have we witnessed in the last couple of years? It’s scary.

  53. bettedavis says:

    Donkey updated her tumblr last night (for the first time in three weeks) with a SATC video of Charlotte freaking out about dating. Has Jelly Donut hit it and quit it already?

    I haven’t see this discussed in the comments yet, I think, but I’m still ducking from CDB in case!

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      I saw that she linked to some SATC video, but I didn’t play it. This whole Donuts thing is killing me. As I type, I’m scanning the various photos that make up the side columns of this page and thinking what a gd lunatic she is. And that’s just with my eye passing over “Wangs in Khakis” and “Pee Pee Pigtails in Hooker Boots.” I would pay to see a filmed (real) interaction between her and any guy she’s stalked. I would also pay to see her tax return.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      *Tries to visualize 30 year old who doesn’t find SATC dated and embarrassing, fails, even though I have studied my Donkology.*

      • Scooby Don't says:

        SATC obsession is the neutron bomb of boner killers.
        Donkey reads relationship cues so poorly she needs her own dating Anne Sullivan.
        Some dating expert.

    • mule on rouge says:

      She always tries to pretend that she’s SO AFRAID to date and SO SCARED of commitment. That’s supposed to make her targets think she’s not spending 24 hours a day trying to get married.

  54. TheDog says:

    her pitch to Bravo should be…

    “THE MOST HATED person ON INTERNET in a reality show house with Courtney Love for 4 weeks”

    Now I would pay to watch that just see who kills who first..

  55. ShesJustStupid says:

    From Donut’s fb wall

    RECENT ACTIVITY
    Andrew and Julia Price Ilowiecki are now friends.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Black says:

      Like the time Donkey’s friends ‘friended’ FlapJack? So that later they can cyberstalk the dude for her when she gets [a] kicked out of ‘the home they shared’ (for 36 hours) & [b] gets FaceBlocked?

    • Albie Quirky says:

      OH would it not be amazing if Jelly Donut and Flusher Price fell madly in love, thus cutting out A Donkey? It would be so telenovelariffic!

      • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        LOL, that’s how I feel. Who would not want Toilet Julia over a donkey? I imagine Toilet Julia is as fame hungry and insufferable but she certainly has more in common with Andrew Bancroft than a Donkey does. She’s tiny and cute, too.

      • Shamoo£ia says:

        I kind of feel like this is what happened between Greasy and Audrey Sabala. It seems like they befriended each other through donk and now they are much closer friends than he and donk.

  56. Jimbo says:

    That’s a pretty hot dress!

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

      Normal body temp for Donkeys: 100-102 degrees F
      Normal body temperature for humans: 98 degrees F

      Add in the information that Donkey says she has a fever, and one can say with certainty: yes, any dress Donkey is wearing is pretty hot.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey Repugnant says:

        On the other hand, think we should tell Julia that if she measures her temp at 102, that doesn’t mean she has a fever, it’s just further proof that she’s a Donkey?

  57. mitftw says:

    [img]http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s720x720/425179_932320185725_1402715_40765623_127188763_n.jpg[/img]

    • Prof. F Camping says:

      fixed that for ya. reminder, simply inserting the URL of a page will not result in a photo getting displayed… the address you insert needs to end with jpg or gif or other common file types to actually point to the photo. (and the way you get that, for example, is by right clicking and selecting ‘view image’)
      /servicey

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      Yuck. She just makes me squirm. From the fake eyelashes, to the burned-out hair to the super-padded bra to the too tight jeans. Too funny how she’s lifting her leg up so the fat won’t spread out. Not that it has anywhere to go in those circulation stoppers.

      Also, she has no eyes.

      • stalkerIsTheNew says:

        diabetes feet.

        And the sad look on the dog’s face. Saddest dog evar. 🙁 (am ringing Sad Lilly).

        • Fashion Girl says:

          I love Lilly(sic.) ‘s face here. She has this look of fierce determination – like, “My kidnapper has become distracted. I have a 5 second window to make a run for it and alert the FBI.”

    • New Year New You says:

      Even Lillysic’s face is starting to look kinda bloated.

      Not sure whether that’s due to fillers, high-dosage anti-depressants, comfort eating, or just general Stockholm Syndrome.

      • Fashion Girl says:

        Do you remember how people used to speculate that Julia would eventually become a “Law & Order” episode, where the oversharing blogger gets murdered? It’s now more like a “Criminal Minds” episode, where a Julia-like has-been dressed in a macabre, tattered pink Forever 21 dress begins serial killing men who she fantasizes will marry her. A Lillysic stand-in eventually snaps out of her Stockholm Syndrome and barks desperately to attract the attention of the authorities (spoiler alert!).

      • OMGPearskank says:

        Aw, come on! She looks like a fluffy little polar bear cub to me and, for the first time in months, remotely animated and as if she had a reason to live. I really think she needs to get out more, so if new boy project is an outdoor-loving type that likes to spend hours in a park, then good on Lilly! Maybe next time she even gets to run around and play for real and then new boytoy finds her a loving home with one of the other hipster dog owners that frequent the park – there were a lot of happy dogs in the video posted upthread, so maybe there’s a space for a lost little shi tzu (spelling?) in one of these hipster dog families…

        • Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

          You are so sweet. But come on, Donkey is going to ruin this with her air of desperation. She’s already admitted to the guy she Facebook stalks him. And when she can’t get him to fly down to LA to visit her or her doesn’t want to play dress up at her Pretty Pink Princess (Bday) Party, she is going to lose her f-ing mind!

          That said, hopefully Toilet Julia will take her on some walks.

          • OMGPearskank says:

            I know, I know, but a hater can hope, right? 🙂

            Ok, new scenario. Toilet Julia snatches up the new piece from under Donk’s snout. Donkey, in return, is so enraged that she completely forgets about leaving Lily-mut with that skinny homewrecker (I’m sure being photographed in front of new boy’s almost empty closet counts as having lived together). Meanwhile Toilet Julia takes the dog with her while she embarks on her whirlwind romance with what’s his face and finds a good and loving home for Lily.
            I insist that this year is the year when Lily’s life has to improve dramatically.

          • Dyspeptic says:

            Birthday Ball, Dog Yappin’. Birthday Ball.

    • Donksers says:

      She looks like she’s now down to 0 hours of sleep per night.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      Those boots look like an article of clothing Buffalo Bill would make.

  58. Dog Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    Interestingly enough – Donkey just took down her desperate, desperate SATC video which has Charlotte crying while she laments that she will never get married. BECAUSE DONKEY NEVER READS HERE.

    She replaced it with a more musician friendly video of Burning Man. So obvious, Donks! I imagined she just rolled out of bed and freaked that her video of wanting to be rescued by a knight in shining armor was just a wee bit desperate/transparent.

    Good move, Donks!

  59. I Was Inside says:

    a commenting record?

Comments are closed.