The Runaway Pancake, A 2011 Year-in-Review. Part Two: More Lunacy

Thank God we prevailed to find a new home on our own domain, because the rest of 2011 was an Epic Nutbar Donkey Cuckoo Weasel Scheme Juices Year.

The battle-weary Julia Allison had a lot at stake at the beginning of the year. She was hellbent on conning Jack McCain into marrying her, so it was completely understandable that she would attempt to scrub the internet of any evidence that she was a psychotic, boner-killing, face-messing weirdo.

She wanted the McCains to be sure that she was a responsible adult, capable of supporting herself. She also wanted them to know that despite being a super-successful tech founder and entrepreneur at the Magical Fantasy Corporation, she could also be an impeccable homemaker.

Indeed, Julia spent the beginning of the year desperately latching onto the McCain family. She visited the McCain home in Arizona and went skydiving. . .

Took a ride in a helicopter. . .

And she attended the ceremony in Pensacola where Jack got his wings. (Apparently somebody somewhere clapped three times.) It was during that weekend in Pensacola when our stupid, desperate donkey posted intimate videos to prove that she sat next to Cindy McCain and posted picture after picture that basically said: “I’m gonna suck on this tit until it runs out of milk.”

Oh, she was smug, so smug, and so proud of herself that she could not stop herself from blogging and Tweeting that shit to high heaven. Yes, despite dating poor Pancakes up there for mere weeks, Julia Allison was pretending that she was basically part of the familyrewriting her history to prove that she was deeply in love with him, so in love that it brought her to tears.

Indeed, the beginning of the year was a time of joy for a donkey. She had destroyed RBNS, temporarily at least, deviously injected herself into an OMG FAMOUS OMG political family, and her internationally syndicated column was about to be internationally syndicated to over 100+ newspapers around the world, and by 100+, we man about three or four. But still — employment!

Yes, Julia Allison’s social media column “Social Studies” was set to debut. Nonetheless, the Tribune Media Services column seemed dimly regarded by the  Chicago Tribune itself.  Just read the opening line of the article written by Melissa Harris:

Julia Allison’s star power fizzled in New York. And now Chicago, her hometown, which she has mocked on occasion, is giving her a fresh start.

Me-ow! Now that’s the type of girl-on-girl that I like to see! Julia Allison, of course, wasn’t pleased.

“Social Studies” also provide Julia Allison with a great vehicle to show off her perfectly symmetrical tits.

Because nothing says “take me seriously as a journalist” more than cutlet cleavage and posing with your severely depressed dog.

In the run-up to the Greatly Anticipated By No One debut of Julia Allison’s attempt to be a serious column lady, our now employed donkey went on  a local media blitz, arranging unapproved photo shoots and appearing on all (read: one) of the local television channels.

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYGw1upGu68']

Her PR angle was to brand herself as the local girl who came home to Chicago after taking New York by storm. Telling the truth and admitting that you’re the laughing stock of the New York media scene, namely because of your ineptitude when it comes to social media, might not have worked as well.

It appeared that she was taking this gig seriously. (Mind you, the column hadn’t actually debuted yet.) She wrote this annoying piece of drivel on her blog in anticipation of the hundreds of millions of new readers she expected to visit NonSociety. She opened up comments on her horizontal shit show and immediately got pissed off about it. LET ME BE CRYSTAL CLEAR: she wasn’t pleased that her readers weren’t fawning all over her in the comments, so she scolded them.

But even before Julia Allison published her first column, it was clear that this new venture was going to be a miserable failure. Why? Because despite only having to write a 700-word column once a week, Julia Allison felt that she needed not one, but two, illegal interns to essentially write the column for her.

She couldn’t possibly write the column herself. She was too busy pretending to cover Fashion Week, where she stole Minnie Mouse’s shoes and wore a dress that smashed her breasts into tacky cow patties.

And when our donkey wasn’t clomping around Lincoln Center, she was arranging self-indulgent fauxto shoots to  appear no where, and being a muse for a no-name designer.

 

Yes, in all of this clusterfuck that we call “January” and “February,” I forgot to mention that Julia Allison was rapidly nearing her self-proclaimed expiration date, and she chose to celebrate by taking fancy pictures of herself that prove she has busted her face beyond repair.

“Cyberbullying,” as defined by Julia Allison, means “people calling me out publicly for showing my ass publicly several times a day.” Totally OK, however, was for her to attempt to destroy an ex-boyfriend’s relationship with his fiancee.

Her column, and the platform it afforded her, was also a great vehicle for her to champion a cause that she would soon forget about just as quickly she did the plight of military spouses as soon as Pancakes dumped her ass: cyberbullying. And that’s when things got incredibly annoying, but we’ll get to that soon enough.

To be continued!

This entry was posted in Best of RBNS, Custodian of Her Memories. Bookmark the permalink.

244 Responses to The Runaway Pancake, A 2011 Year-in-Review. Part Two: More Lunacy

  1. Little Orphan Lilly says:

    OMG! Either Christmas 2011 came super late or Christmas 2012 is super early!

  2. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    Annnnnd that’s as far as I got. Thanks to my lover Jacy for playing Momsers and editing my columns.

    • Can-Swiss says:

      You need to get a few interns. Do you have any old Halloween costumes to pay them with?

    • mule on rouge says:

      What, no lame excuse (completely fabricated) for why you’re not done writing? WHO DOES THAT? Also, I love you like a zombie loves brains. BRAAAIIIINS!!!

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      We get it, bunny. It’s in the queue.

    • Barking Mad says:

      Well worth the wait, JP and Jacy!

      Best to take it slow. JP’s sweet, kind nature might be damaged by too much concentrated exposure to the cray!

  3. Albie Quirky says:

    Holy shit, she looks 60 years old in that last photo.

  4. brayniac says:

    JP YOU HAVE TEN MORE MONTHS TO GO. I am so excited. The huscat and I actually just sat together on the couch we read it out loud.

    I can’t believe all that happened in the first two months of the year!

    • Can-Swiss says:

      I was about to open a bottle of wine then I noticed we were not even out of the winter yet. I will save the GOOD box for part 3.

  5. Donkey of Perdition says:

    MOAR!

  6. Scooby Don't says:

    Reading over the recaps so far, I’m going to say one of Donkey’s few talents is ability to pack the maximum amount of crazy into the smallest amount of time. Tim Ferris must have rubbed off on her (don’t think about that image too hard).
    Donkey does the 5 Hour Maniac Week using her patented Insanity Optimization techniques.

  7. zandra says:

    I will never the donkey!!

  8. pearipathetic donkey says:

    Oh yes, that time she was a MUSE! She honestly thinks someone would believe she was some fashion designer’s muse? A muse the way a supermodel like Kate Moss was probably a muse in the fashion scene…who are you kidding Donks?

  9. Our Lady of Revisionism says:

    Hi mcakez! Sorry if I creeped you out over there. Small internet, etc.

    • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

      It was YOU! It’s cool. It is a very small internet, but even then I am surprised at the encounter in such a small thread. Especially since I rarely post there, and I never think to look at people’s usernames.

      That was awesome, though.

  10. Random Snowflake says:

    Damn, that’s alotta crazy for just 2 months..

  11. solidarity cat says:

    Not to distract from any of the brilliance going on here, but I just wanted to point out that the mystery of what car is donk driving? has been solved, predictably:

    Julia Allison @JuliaAllison
    Just visited @MidwayCarRental to get a new tire. Love them. I do not want to ever return my Mercedes E350 convertible! Ever!!!!!!

    • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

      Shill! Shill shill shill shill shill shill shill shill!!! Undisclosed!!! ;)

    • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

      So wait, she’s basically renting a car for a the long term? How did she pull that off? I’m continually amazed how she pulls any of this off.

      • Solidarity cat says:

        So it seems. And yes, it baughles.

      • Shamoolia says:

        Definitely a Bravo deal. Reality show characters are always driving loaner cars

        • BJ KELLEY'S FISTED ASSHOLE says:

          Definitely this. That’s why everyone takes limos everywhere, too. It’s also why you rarely see anyone wearing the same thing twice, though that’s more of a c/o Messica sort of deal than loaning and renting.

          I mean, Julie’s condo is a loaner, too.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Is this to say that even Isuzu (Trooper) has standards, i.e. doesn’t want Donkey Kryptonite negating their brand?

      • Dyspeptic says:

        Urk, isn’t Midway the outfit she and megs did that awful video for–the one that most assuredly did NOT go viral? Shill begets shill, to the last shilling syllable of recorded time.

        • SchiapWTF says:

          Indeed. Just like with ex-boyfriends, with ex companies she’s still a stage five clinger.
          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7CsuKvo72Y

        • BJ KELLEY'S FISTED ASSHOLE says:

          shyllable

        • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

          Are the laws different for ‘celebrities’/reality show folk, than they are for ‘journalists’ and ‘bloggers’?

          Meaning, we know she has often ignored and violated disclosure laws. Does she get a free-pass now that she isn’t a ‘blogger’ but a *gag* ‘TV star’?

          Also, what’s up with the fucking Gaga painting ads? Desperate much?

          • Albie Quirky says:

            The producers have to disclose all the c/o they get for the cast; the cast members don’t have to disclose individually.

    • Random Snowflake says:

      Her car is a product placement.. Next she’ll be taking a big swig of a Coca Cola® before her confessional/interviews on the T.V. show.

    • juliajane says:

      She’s driving an effing Mercedes? Her sense of entitlement, it burns. She is so embarrassing. Get a job (and a life), Donkey.

    • Donkey of Perdition says:

      [img]http://www.flixya.com/files-photo/b/e/r/berrechidi502849.jpg[/img]

  12. mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

    Homegirl has mad lazy-eye in the dishwashing picture. Actually (albeit to a lesser degree) in the shopped tits-out ‘professional journalist lady’ picture, too.

    Is this the true reason for the right-face-only posing?

  13. Dr. Gary says:

    So good! I forgot how much cray happened in the beginning of 2011.

    • Wonkeye says:

      There is more cray-cray packed into those two months than most of will commit over the course of a lifetime.

    • BJ KELLEY'S FISTED ASSHOLE says:

      I was reading this thinking it was March or April and then I remembered when Fashion Week was and I freaked out that she pulled this much in two months.

    • Barking Mad says:

      She is so smug in all these photos. She had it all.

  14. Princess WideStance says:

    That last photo… “It’s like two pigs fightin’ under a blanket.”

  15. CUNTBunnies! says:

    [img]http://i.imgur.com/MXr1U.jpg[/img]

    Seriously, people! We only have a couple entries! Surely someone can come up with a handbag stuffed with plastic hair, or an emotionally healthy julia in a straitjacket or some condoms floating on lake michigan.

    YOU CAN DO IT!

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

      imma let you finish, but Donkey had one of the best cray years of all time! ALL TIME!
      we can at least give everyone until the end of thursday, non?

      (and if you want a throwback to the best of 2009, scroll to 0:50 in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZpf3wflu3E )

    • juliajane says:

      I would have entered but am on holiday and my internet connection is dodgy. Will enter next time.

      • CDB says:

        Dear CB…. I am only good at googling gifs and sometimes adding sparkly text….That’s the extent of my photoshopping talents . I wish I knew how to do more but its not a lack of interest. Maybe you could do an internet course on photoshopping?

      • donkey mnenomic says:

        tots me too, on a touchpad on holiday! Can you extend?

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Yeah, an extension wouldn’t hurt my feelings either.

          I have been so busy googling myself, now I can’t meat yet another deadline feel a little something (cold? sore throat?) coming on. How do you stave off Getting Sick, Ashton?

    • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

      CB, I am technically illiterate, for which I am ashamed. But how about a donkey with bows all over it (get it — ass baughers syndrome)? So fat, so lame.

    • Donkey of Perdition says:

      Was it extended?

      • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

        i’m unilaterally extending it, at least until end of friday.

        • mule on rouge says:

          Whew, thanks! Got a couple attempts in process but workload has been poofy all week. Will definitely get ‘em submitted before the clock strikes 12.

  16. JFA says:

    I’m tired and going to sleep soon so all I can muster is goddamn, she is such a terrific cunt. Please keep doing the lord’s work here, JP and Jacy. Because this bitch deserves it in spades. Sociopathic asshole.

    • Donkey Ho-Tay says:

      Julia’s takeaway from this comment: “OMG, someone thinks I’m terrific! Call me, bunny! Let’s be besties!”

  17. Ineffably protracted cankle says:

    I forgot that was all this year. How time flies…

    Also, I thought my year had been busy? I’ve got nothing on this!

  18. Rosalie says:

    I’m sooo happy these were posted! Great work!

  19. Shamoo£ia says:

    This certainly was when she was at her most smug and obnoxious, wasn’t it? I luuuuurve it when she’s on a high because then she crashes so, so hard. Bunnies, it isn’t going to be pretty when the reality show wraps. I think she’s wanted that even longer and more desperately than a semi-famous yet ugly boyfriend.

    • Effervescent Suppositories says:

      When the reality show wraps she can wait with bated breath until a national audience judge and sneer and laugh at her at much as we do! Her dream bunnies! It’s all she’s ever wanted, to be judged and sneered and laughed at by a wider audience.

      • flatface says:

        Does she not know that there are two separate distinct reality shows about people who tow/ repo cars? That there are like five different reality cooking shows? Two about house-flippers? At least two tattoo shows? And one about an exterminator guy?

        I think she’s a little late to the party.

        Even Bravo who has agreed to air her show has way too much for her to compete with. They have their own celebrity shrink show – a la Dr. Drew – and a s how called Most Eligible which follows hot single people. In Dallas.

        What does she thik she will bring to this genre? It’s the same thinking that led her to launch a fashion/dating/lifestyle site (nonsociety) whose direct competitors would be – oh, I don’t know, established brands like Glamour, Elle Vogue and countless others. An undying, unshakeable – completely unfounded – belief in herself as a riveting person.

        Somehow she thinks she will come across as sooo fascinating people will dump their Real Housewives and Jersey Shores for her.

        Because god knows she didn’t sign on to be mocked – like 99% of reality show participants. She thinks she’s gonna end up being aspirationl/inspirational.

        • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

          She has limited watercress experience, if you will.

        • stalker is the new fat says:

          Let us not forget the Turtle Man.

          [img]http://kobreguide.com/public/IMGlargephototurtleman.jpg[/img]

        • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

          My friend works in a bookstore in LA that specializes in rare books. Some production company did a pilot about it and was shopping it around for a while there.

          They really will make a show about ANYTHING.

        • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

          Also, I sort of think she ultimately doesn’t really care how successful the show is. Sure, she would love it to be a breakout success, but she probably knows that just won’t happen.

          What she wants is a little more recognition, a new way to jam her hoof in some new doors, and to be high profile enough to snag a rich, good-looking founder/celebrity husband.

          For real.

          • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

            Also, one more thing to bundle into her inflated bio. “Julia Allison was the star of Bravo’s Miss Advised a short-lived reality show that was cancelled after a record episode and a half. before moving on amicably to pursue her first love: money.”

          • Norse Horse, Task Ass says:

            Ha, I love the “and a half” part. Like, it’s so terrible and she’s so heinous, Bravo is bombarded with complaints, and they just yank it halfway through an episode. That would be golden and hilarious.

        • mule on rouge says:

          I have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that there’s MORE THAN ONE show about people who hunt wild hogs, fer chrissakes. And at least TWO shows about people who buy the contents of storage lockers. All of these are on A&E, and Storage Wars is their NUMBER ONE SHOW. Sometimes I think I can’t be from this planet.

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      Just came here to post something about that. Why you so dumb, donkey?

    • Toolbag says:

      I wish she’d included white girls doing gang signs.

      • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

        Seriously. I wonder how many of those ‘things white girls say…’ are things that Donkey would say if she didn’t do her best to pretend that ‘those people’ don’t exist.

        Seriously, has she EVER even known a ‘minority’ other than Allie?

      • chesca says:

        I ALMOST DID. I’m so pissed I didn’t. but I did actually throw some gang signs, they just didn’t make it in the final cut. Honestly, my head is spinning over this. I just can’t.

        • 1x1 says:

          Franchesca, as a fellow black stand up comedian that has briefly crossed paths with you a few times over the last few years, I know that you have intelligence. You are much better than doing stuff like this video where you are pandering to the bottom barrel lowest common denominator jokes. You were at your best on the mic when you were not doing the hacky racial stuff that unfortunately plagues many of us blacks do to get cheap laughs. At the end of the day, what you are doing and saying does not raise awareness. Ignorant white people will continue to be ignorant. You should set an example. You are smart. You can be funny both on stage and through youtube without resorting to the lowest denominator factor. Hope you will reconsider and put more thought into your future work.

          • chesca says:

            i’m sorry you feel that way, but i disagree with you. i’ve been fortunate to have had many news outlets and even a national tv show contact me about this video because of the message and the way it has opened discussion between people of all backgrounds. the show i’ll be appearing on is creating a segment about talking to your friends when they’ve said something that’s offended you. it’s quite awesome. i’ve also gotten some really amazing emails from white people who have seen themselves in my video and have thanked me for opening their eyes.

            if you want to talk further, you’re welcome to email me or actually speak to me in person (if we’ve crossed paths a few times) to discuss. i’m all about dialogue. i’m just sorry you felt you had to comment anonymously instead to speaking to me straight up. i hope you’d know that i wouldn’t take it personally because constructive criticism is the best way to grow as a person and a comic. thanks.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            You should set an example.

            Do it, Chescaleigh. For ALL THE GIRLS.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            psst! I was being facetious, I hope you know. Love your stuff, btw. Keep on keeping on.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Question: What did you think of the Dave Chappelle skit, The Black White Supremacist? Because I thought that was one the smartest things I’ve ever seen in comedy, but I have a black friend who really hated it for the same types of reasons that you just cited here. I really like Chesca’s video because I have actually heard whiteys say that shit, particularly “not to be racist, but …” and I have cringed at the cluelessness.

          • Effervescent Suppositories says:

            Rubbish. How is Chesaleigh’s video hacky? There isn’t a deluge of black female comedians approximating white face. When Whoopee Goldberg did it they gave her a Tony. Is there a single comedian who’s so high minded that his or her repertoire does not involve some appeals to the lowest common denominator? If there are show them to me. Give the girl a break you hypercritical tit.

        • chesca says:

          @Brayella *le sigh*

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      It’s kind of funny, if you think about it …
      * Chescaleigh participates in teh Donkey snark
      * Chescaleigh doesn’t munge her identity
      * Donkey’s ‘anti-bullying’ rant never sought out the easily ID’d
      * Donkey *cough* never *cough* reads here
      * Donkey is now directing hits towards an RBD regular :-)

      Shamoo£ia says it best: Why you so dumb, Donkey?

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      It’s just her way of co-opting and trying to win over her enemies. She does this all the time. “Let’s have a cup of coffee together. You’ll love me!”

    • chesca says:

      here’s the thing, (see what I did there?) I LEARNED how to craft an online career by watching Julia’s repeated missteps. If you guys remember a few years ago I even emailed her and the TMI cast to offer some ways they could improve the show and turn it around because at first I thought it could succeed. I have had numerous email interactions with Julia and she has been very rude to me, even though I have NEVER been rude to her nor even gone so far as to say something malicious about her here or anywhere else. I don’t agree with many of the things she’s done and said online, but if anything she’s taught me more about the do’s and dont’s of online entrepreneurship than any OMG Ivy ever could.

      *drops the mic*

      • Dr. Gary says:

        GIRL. I just went to youtube to re-watch your video (cause it’s SO good) and you have almost 2 million views!!!! In ONE DAY???

        HOLLA!

      • Dr. Gary says:

        p.s. Please do a part 2.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        p.p.s. You are so dang funny. You seriously need your own t.v. show. Like a ‘Whitney’ type show.

      • solidarity cat says:

        I love you but not in a creepy way…

        [img]http://lolmart.com/files/2010/11/say-anything-squirrel.jpg[/img]

      • CDB says:

        But I love you in a very creepy way

      • Very Proud of the Heart I Drew says:

        Chescaleigh! You are a very funny, attractive, and charismatic woman. Keep working hard and you’re going to be a super successful one too. Congrats!

      • Dr. Gary says:

        ZOMG! Was reading the Daily Mail (don’t you bitches judge me) and saw that they’d posted an article about your video:

        http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2082462/S–White-Girls-Say–Black-Girls.html

        #soproud

        • chesca says:

          thanks Gary :) did you see the comment above? i can’t figure out who it is for the life of me. but it’s kind of blowing my mind that people are calling me racist and ignorant for making that video. even worse when it’s someone that claims they know me. i just can’t understand how people are missing the message :P

          • Some of my best friends says:

            The video is awesome. I am white/Jewish.

            My black best friend and I had a routine

            Me: What do black people think about salad?
            MBBF: Salad? That’s racist. What do Jewish people think about salad?
            Me: That’s anti-Semitic

          • idiotbox says:

            As a whitey who contemplated the best way to ask if I can feel my black friend’s hair: I thank you for making me rethink that. I don’t think she would’ve been offended by it, but we’re new friends and she’s fantastic and brilliant and now I think this might have driven a wedge between us.

            No hair touching. Got it.

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            jesus fuck, yes she would have been offended. Would you be offended if one of your male friends asked to touch your tits? She might have been nice about it but she would have written you off forever as a hopeless case.

          • idiotbox says:

            @stalker I have very thin, fine hair and people touch it all the time without asking. In fact, the girl in question touched them too, we were talking about how my hair CAN’T HOLD A FUCKING CURL FOR THE LIFE OF IT. Still, I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable and that’s why I never actually asked her.

            If a guy *friend* *asked me* to feel my tits, *I* wouldn’t be offended.

          • idiotbox says:

            To be fair though, I am a safe-sex educator and talk about sex all the time.

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            really? People touch your hair all the time? Huh. Well, nobody ever tries to touch mine and I would find that weird. I never had strangers touch me when I was pregnant either. I guess I have mad bitchface skillz.

            My hair cannot hold a curl either, fine & thin, gah. I alllllllllways wanted pincurls but nooooooooo.

          • bitchface says:

            *rung*

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            Can you just squeeze a couple of oranges and make me an orange smoothie?

          • Effervescent Suppositories says:

            Some people have to knee jerk whenever they see “impersonation” because they like to believe it’s implicitly racist and sexist and can’t understand the humor or the affection behind it. Having laughed at a lot of drag queens over my life, there’s no end to the material to be plumbed from impersonating white women and in this instance Chesca has done it better than most. I think the last line of Chesca’s video says it all: Black woman impersonating white woman thinks black man impersonating black woman crosses the line. It’s an excellent commentary on the bewilderment caused by what people think is “political correctness”.

            +1

          • Dr. Gary says:

            I did read some of the negative comments. Also saw them on youtube. Some people are just really dumb and don’t *get* sophisticated comedy or satire. Those are the people who like Carrot Top or Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Or people like Julie.

            Maybe take it as a compliment that the dumbs don’t get it?

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I’m a blonde and I was in Africa a few years ago and I got asked all the time by people if they could touch my hair. I understand it’s not AT ALL the same thing because these people had never seen a blonde woman before and wanted to feel my hair, but I wasn’t offended. One woman told me it was very “fluffy” and wondered how I did anything with it.

        • ugh says:

          I would never judge! Especially considering I read it every day and was so excited that they now have an iphone app.

      • Effervescent Suppositories says:

        OMG Chescaleigh – what a star you are!
        I’m so delighted I just want to grope your hair.

  20. stalker is the new fat says:

    JP, this is masterful. No wonder it takes you so long to do it. Thanks for doing this much and no pressure.

  21. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    FROM SHE WHO SURVEILS BOYFRIENDS EMAILS & CELL PHONES:

    JuliaAllison Donkey Extraordinare
    I always ask permission to call via text before I ring someone on the phone now. Oh, modernity.
    11 hours ago

    Cocina_Marie Marie H. Saba
    “@JuliaAllison: I always ask permission to call via text before I ring someone on the phone now.” Even dudes you’re dating? @benleventhal
    8 hours ago

    JuliaAllison Donkey Extraordinare
    @Cocina_Marie – ESPECIALLY dudes I’m dating. They’re like wild animals. You never want to startle them. Right @benleventhal?
    7 hours ago

    Cocina_Marie Marie H. Saba
    @JuliaAllison Just wait til you get married … still confusing but less fucking.
    48 minutes ago

    • darling dearest says:

      I hope I’m misunderstanding this — is kitchen marie saying that being married is confusing just like when you’re dating someone? thats sad.

      • stalker is the new fat says:

        I agree.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        I want to think that Kitchen Mary has Donkey’s #, that she’s saying even after Donkey slams the clam dungeon trap door shut on whomever she (Donkey) gallops down the aisle w/, she (Donkey) will still be phone-blocked to some extent by he who has a real job to do.

        #talk_about_reading_too_much_into_it!

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          p.s.
          I like how @benleventhal has ignored ‘em both.

          • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

            I thought adding the @benleventhal was a weird move on Mary’s part. Made me wonder if she wasn’t sort of secretly snickering at Julia to Ben?

    • crackedopenthebasementdoor says:

      why would she brag about a man she’s dating wanting warning before you call him? if he’s at work or seeing an old friend, I understand, but the way she words it makes it sound like receiving a call from your girlfriend is STARTLING.

      also didn’t she date ben leventhal years ago? why is she tagging this poor guy in tweets

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Yes,wtf? Anyone who wants you to ask permission to call is a douchebag extraordinaire.

      • Random Snowflake says:

        I can totally understand why someone might want some forewarning before Donk calls them..

      • Mini Driver says:

        She’s trying not to scare off any current/future men by avoiding the behaviors she believes have alienated men in the past and made her appear to be overbearing, verbose and needy. It’s not entirely stupid; this is how everyone solves problems (screw up a task, perform it again and again, eliminating/adding steps until it’s done right.) She just doesn’t understand that it’s the very core of her personality that prevents her romantic ventures from ever bearing diamond-ring fruit. It’s like she keeps picking fleas off a cat and offering it to people who are allergic to cats. The problem wasn’t the fleas, although they were plenty irritating. It’s the cat that can’t be tolerated.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

      weird how bad luck seems to find those who associate with the donk. case and point, kitchen mary’s house just got broken into. wonder if she owned a tiara?

      • Random Snowflake says:

        She probably doesn’t own one anymore :)

      • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

        My current theory re: JP’s laptop is that Donkey finally figured out where he lived and dumped a cup of tears over the keyboard.

  22. stalker is the new fat says:

    OT: I started reading “We need to talk about Kevin” and I have gotten up to the birth/newborn stage. And so far, I find the mom extremely believable and relatable. I cringe at her middle class casual racism and snobbery and don’t particularly like her.

    • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

      I ordered a copy from Amazon and it should be here Thursday. So excited, though I have to say I would NEVER have ordered it if it wasn’t recommended by RBDers… something about the way they wrote the description and designed the title makes it look like one of those stupid Jodi Picoult novels or something of its ilk.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      It’s a good read, but I still feel like it’s only really good if it’s a true story. And it isn’t. A kid could never be as totally evil as that one. Come on. In the end, I kind of felt like I did after reading “A Million Little Pieces” (I knew it was fabricated at the time).

      • stalker is the new fat says:

        Oh that book! You want to talk about smug! (I read it “after” too). He’s all oh I’m such a wanted criminal, I am such a bad ass oh look at me look at me. Whatever.

        • ShesJustStupid says:

          I read it before the scandal, but knew that parts of it were made up because I actually know members of his family. I was reading it like “oh, here’s the exaggerated part” etc.

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            Do they all hate him? He comes off as such a prick.

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            No, of course not. He wanted to publish it as fiction originally and I think they bought into his “art” despite the controversy. They are a wealthy family. He himself completely buys his own bs and on a certain level you can’t argue with his success. He has managed to get the attention of important people. Loathsome personality, I agree.

      • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

        I haven’t even read it yet and I already feel like I will be agreeing with this comment. I may give it a more generous assessment, though, because I have a weird fascination with books about parenting (I am not a parent).

      • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

        He isn’t “totally evil.”

        The narrator is flawed and unreliable, and she kind of hates her son. You’re reading her take on her son. Granted, he DID do something godawful, but there are hints that she is very biased and angry, and has been since the moment he was born.

        • ShesJustStupid says:

          What I’m saying are that the actions and speech of the kid are unrealistic. Especially in the younger years. I never read it as being open to that much interpretation, unreliable narrator or not.

          • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

            Interesting. The one thing I kept telling dudebrah as I read the book was that I felt like the mother was TOO specific in her recantations of conversations and actions, which to me showed she was kind of constructing this web of memories partially founded on truth, and partially founded on her anger and hindsight. (For example, I was annoyed at her insistence that Kevin would seem to wait til the perfect moment when he knew he would be ‘caught’ doing something bad. That’s just stretching it, woman.)

            I mentioned it in a previous thread, but the author says that we ARE intended to distrust the narrator’s version of events, and realize she paints Kevin in an exceptionally harsh light.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I don’t know how you’d have a first-person book, though, looking back on what happened if the narrator didn’t have specifics. Maybe she should have written it in the third-person. I do remember reading somewhere that the author was hostile to the mother and blamed her for Kevin — in which case, she failed, because I didn’t dislike/blame the mother at all.

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            Are we supposed to doubt that events recounted actually happened? That doesn’t make for a very good book! :) Did he take a girl into the bathroom and scrape her eczema skin off or not? Did he wear diapers to first grade or whatever? Did he try to put his sister’s eye out or not? You know what I’m saying? I know the way you’re reading it is more subtle than that, but if you’re having to second guess the narrator all the time, that’s one annoying read! I still maintain that the actual actions this child took are unrealistic as is the behavior of the adults. I still ripped through it. I just felt cheated in the end. I’m clearly in the minority!

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            I mean, not so much “cheated” as “taken in.” Kind of the same way I felt when I cried at the end of “Bridges of Madison County.” Such a bad movie.

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Then why not with the girl? Not sure I buy that. She was ambivalent about pregnancy, and had trouble bonding with him, but I don’t think she was biased and angry at him just due to ambivalence (because ambivalence during pregnancy and the newborn weeks is really, really common). And she really tried to love him; she stopped working to stay home with him and “bond.” I don’t think someone who irrationally hated the kid would do that.

        • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

          She is the most intensely unreliable narrator I’ve read in a long time. She compares to the best close first-person in Patrick McGrath, who is a master (I’m thinking of specifically of ‘Asylum,’ in which the narrative intelligence is very reasonable, very measured: a rational man).

          • Kissy Face to a Crowd of Crickets says:

            Oooh, I love “Kevin” discussion! Nobody in my “real” life has read this book, so I love when y’all discuss it here. I kind of hear what you are saying, ShesJustStupid….I felt like a lot of it was a bit of a stretch, especially the baby Kevin. But I liked that the narrator was unreliable and you couldn’t really figure out what was truth. I didn’t hate the mom, though.

          • Helena (Simultaneously Equal Parts) says:

            Exactly, Kissy Face. A couple weeks old baby is “pretending” shit just to make his mother look awful?? Srsly?

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            I didn’t read that he was being calculating from birth. I think he had a visceral aversion to his mother from the moment he was born, and I have seen that happen in real life — a new baby and a parent just not bonding, uncomfortable with one another, never finding a fit. The baby responded negatively to her scent, her touch, the sound of her voice, etc., and she reacted to his distaste negatively and took it personally. And the whole book, really, springs from that immediate aversion, and there would be no book without it, because she’s trying to figure out why — why he reacted that way to her, why she reacted that way to him, why he did what he did and what it had to do with her.

            Some people are just born assholes. And some people just instinctively do not like one another. I love my siblings passionately, and two of them have not spoken in 20 years and really detest one another, and they are both great people but have simply viscerally disliked one another since early childhood. If they were my friends and not my siblings, I would have imagined they could be fast friends — but no.

            Sometimes the dynamic between two people just does not work, it’s rotten, and it can be that way for no reason that makes any sense to people trying to understand it. And that is what this book delved into. But seriously, how much of an unreliable narrator could she have been given what the kid did at the end of the book? She’s not in prison, he is. I don’t think he gets a pass, and that she totally exaggerated what an evil prick he is, just because she bitched about her house and was an elitist, as much as her writing voice annoyed the shit out of me too.

            That’s why I found the book so enthralling. Yes, she was an asshole in many ways — but not the type of asshole who created a monster. And that’s the whole point of the book. How much of an asshole do you have to be to create a Kevin?

          • Helena (Simultaneously Equal Parts) says:

            Oh, and I liked the fact that the narrator is unreliable, too, and I didn’t hate Eva either. I just wasn’t too crazy about her, nor did I hate Franklin. Not that I was crazy about him, far from it. As I said earlier though, I felt sorry for him because he’s so clueless.

          • bitchface says:

            handbag & she’s just stupid – I bought it (based on rec’s here) for a plane ride and got annoyed and had to pace the aisles like an asshole b/c it annoyed me.

            I think – if I hear you right – is that if it were a true memoir, it’d be forgivable for being pedantic and her being too rough.

            Maybe it’s because it’s in first person. I don’t really know but an example – the whole description of the house; it sounded lovely but for someone a MODERN style/taste but she had to go off on them like there was something wrong with the builders for not having her tastes. She pretty much hates everyone and everything with long, specific (tho’ not poorly constructed) arguments about why, justifying her disgust etc. and while she’s not totally unsympathetic something in it rings unbelievable. As if it were true, it’d be easier to swallow and forgive the journey into the past to explore.

            It still takes a good writer overall to make us think these things but still annoying.

            ****
            OHHHHH but very very important. “Christ. What an asshole.” is IN THE BOOK!!! I even folded down the page to mark it… LOL

          • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

            Jacy — I feel like this is one of those things where we are going to have to agree to disagree. That being said, let me disagree with two more small points.

            When I say she is an ‘unreliable narrator’ I am not saying she is an outright liar. She isn’t fabricating things whole cloth. Kevin surely was colicky, did act like a little asshole with his spray gun and destroy the walls of her office, probably injured his sister’s eye, and definitely shot up his school. However, the level of cruelty, premeditation and maliciousness she attributes to his action — from the time he was an INFANT — are her unreliable quality. She simply does not like him, and he simply does not like her (though I think he begrudgingly wants her acceptance, maybe even approval. I am still trying to wrap my head around the method and message of the murders.) She admits herself that sometimes she was too quick to act as judge and executioner — as when she overheard him railing against Lenny for throwing rocks off the overpass.

            The second thing is that he has an aversion to her — but she had that aversion to him first. She didn’t want him! She resented him for taking Franklin’s love and attention, for changing him, for getting in the way of her career. Before he ever shied from her breast, she had a great deal of antipathy built up to the child she brought into the world. You are correct that this is the meat of the book, but that initial dislike and resentment. I simply think that there is something to be said for her coldness playing a role in his evolution as a person.

            Like I mentioned in another thread — the author confirmed this in an interview, which made me feel a little less crazy.

            To bitchface — I share your sentiments. She was terribly narrow-minded while patting herself on the back for being such a deep-thinker. She was judgmental and smug, but no, not entirely unsympathetic. She was just rather annoying and — dare I think it? — a bit of a narcissist. Which I ultimately wound up enjoying because I think that Kevin turned out to be a great deal like her than she ever realized.

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            What is interesting about this discussion is that the mothers among us seem sympathetic to Eva, the non-mothers don’t. Not that we know better, but I just wonder, as mothers, if we’ve seen the dark side and know the weird way they come out with their personalities almost fully formed, with very little you can do, one way or another, to change who they are. That was a shock to me when I had kids; wouldn’t have believed it until I had them. Not that I birthed a demon, thankfully, but there was a whole “there but for the grace of God” thing I experienced when I read this book.

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        I disagree. Read about the one Columbine kid. Totally normal family, by all accounts, and the kid was fucked up almost from birth. There are several notable situations of that ilk. I think Ted Bundy’s family too was pretty normal. I am not saying it’s common, but it isn’t unheard of that relatively normal families spawn evil dickheads. I know a family like that — the “bad seed” isn’t a killer, but he’s an awful human being disliked by all and his parents and siblings are lovely and at a complete loss.

        Undiagnosed mental problems are at the root of it, I’d imagine. But if one parent is in denial and the kid is really intelligent about covering up his issues and the other parent won’t support you in your efforts to get him to counselling, what do you do?

        I wonder if one parent in the Baugher household is in denial, while the other knows.

        • Ass Baughers Syndrome says:

          Jacy, this is spot-on. I can not read this book because I’m dealing with my own “Kevin” who has just dropped out of college and can’t understand why I’m unhappy about it. But I am hooked on Downton Abbey thanks to the cat ladies.

        • ShesJustStupid says:

          I wonder if it’s harder for non-moms, like me, to believe in Evil Kid than it is for moms.

          • Helena (Simultaneously Equal Parts) says:

            Interesting take, SJS. It would sort of work in my circle, because I’ve spent hours discussing it with childless friends (although one of them, the one who seemed even more obsessed with the book than myself, gave birth last year, so her perspective might have changed, heh) and we all agreed that there’s NO WAY a newborn or even a toddler can be a calculating enemy of his or her mom; BUT one of those friends also lent the book to a woman I don’t know who’s over 40 and has three kids, and this lady totally believes that the Evil Kid is a possibility because apparently her youngest is one. On a much smaller scale than Kevin, thankfully, but he lies, steals, hurts people, is getting into drugs, has no interest in school whatsoever, there’s no way of talking to him, etc. etc., and he’s 13 years old (or was when I heard this story, that was over a year ago), and he’s a total opposite of his two older siblings, likeable well adjusted individuals.

            On the other hand, my mom is a mom and she also believes that Eva’s version of Kevin’s first years is heavily exaggerated to say the least. I know she (my mom) also lent the book to one of HER friends who’s also a mom of grown boys, but I don’t know how this one feels about the Evil Kid issue.

            Honestly, I have no idea why I’ve spent so much time thinking and talking about this book, it’s almost like I have no old bills to pay or anything.

        • Who do you think you are? says:

          Yes, Columbine (the book by that title) provides a pretty thorough explanation of psychopathy and the likelihood that Eric Harris was a psychopath (Dylan Klebold, on the other hand, suffered from depression). I feel bad for Eric’s and Dylan’s families.

          It’s a terrific book, though it requires revisiting the event in grim detail.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        It’s a good read, but I still feel like it’s only really good if it’s a true story

        Perhaps novels aren’t for you, then.

        As for “no child is that evil” I beg to differ. Lots of children of seemingly well-adjusted middle-class parents are exactly that evil, and worse.

        • ShesJustStupid says:

          I love novels. I give up.

          • Orwell-Style Cyberpolice Force says:

            I haven’t read it yet, but I get the feeling that I know what you’re saying. Also, I own more books than anybody I know and I majored in English, so… it’s not an issue with disliking fiction. But there are some tales that are inherently uninteresting or less interesting if fictional. I don’t know that this is one of them, but I’m going to give the book a shot based on rave reviews here.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Then I have no idea what you meant by “it isn’t good unless it’s a true story.”

            Seemingly well-adjusted middle-class kids really do commit worse crimes than Kevin. Maybe Shriver just didn’t sell you on his evil and cray? That’s certainly a reasonable criticism, and you wouldn’t be the first person I’d heard it from.

            I just thought the “true story” business came out of left field. Sorry to be Cranky Writer Lady about that.

          • ShesJust Stupid says:

            I’m saying a few things: 1) I thought the crazy was over the top when he was little. 2) I don’t think I LOVE novels that are written so memoir-ically about subjects that are harrowing enough in non-fiction. Addiction would be another subject. The book was basically a fictionalized memoir. Just not my thing in retrospect although I did tear through it.

        • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

          Agreed Albie. Thing is, you can kind of pick them out at a young age. Then when you read about them in the paper, you’re not surprised.

          • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

            I can no longer figure out where to reply on this thread so I’m just going to confirm here the quality of ‘Columbine.’ Fabulous book.

  23. Petey Teabaugher says:

    So blessed! So thankful!

    The older she gets, the more she fails. You’d feel sad for anybody else.

  24. DirtyLakeMichigan says:

    I love yearly round ups. I’m looking forward to the 3rd installment.

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      And the fourth, fifth and sixth installment… and more! I can’t believe how long these are and we’ve only covered two freakin months.

  25. Effervescent Suppositories says:

    A true labor of snark! Thank you JP for this huge piece of work on that huge piece of work.

  26. JFA says:

    I literally cannot deal with what a cuntrag she is…esp with that tirade about commenting negatively. I just cannot deal with it. She is such a nasty piece of work. “Who are you to judge me!!!! Shut up!!!” Seriously? I can’t even comment intelligently or humorously. Her writing just irritates me so much that I really feel like I’m breaking out in internal hives sometimes.

  27. SchadenfreudianSlip says:

    Wanted to get in a quick THANK YOU to JP for this awesomeness. The creativity and writing ability of our beloved hosts and many of the commenters here, as contrasted against Donkey and her assorted “journalistic” endeavors, never ceases to amaze me.

    This was fantastic. Can’t wait for more.

  28. juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

    OK, so OT time. The Apple Store got my MacBook Pro back. Here’s the situation: My laptop is only 9 months old and is still under warranty. Everything was working fine, then it just all of a sudden crapped out on me on New Year’s Day. It wouldn’t boot and the computer beeped 3 times. I googled that and all the Mac Forums said it was a known issues that dealt with the RAM either being damaged or coming loose and the way to fix it was to open up the laptop and uninstall and reinstall the RAM.

    So I took it to the Apple store because of the warranty and like hell and I doing that myself. They agreed that was the most likely issue and said it would be a couple of days. I was all, like, no biggie, and went home.

    So anyway, an hour later they called and told me it wasn’t the RAM and there was liquid in the laptop. Fun facts! I have never, NEVER spilt anything on this laptop. Also I didn’t get Apple care. Damage from liquid is not covered by Apple’s warranty.

    The MacBook Pro was $2,200 and they now tell me that the repairs will cost $1,200. I feel like I am being scammed because I didn’t get the warranty. My computer is ready and need some advice on how to get them to come down on the price or figure out if they are scamming me. I just don’t know what I could have possibly done to my laptop that costs half the price of the computer when it hasn’t moved from my desk.

    • stalker is the new fat says:

      can you get the computer back without the repairs? Maybe you can get a different apple place to do it? I agree, it sounds totally fishy.

    • Prof. F Camping Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

      what if you just took it back from the apple store (without them doing anything to it or having to pay for anything; is that possible?), and just take out the RAM and put it back in yourself? this would at least confirm that the RAM (what you and they both thought was the likely cause) is or isn’t faulty. liquid sounds like something they should have noticed when you brought it in, no? maybe they effed up and spilled something on it and are blaming you?

    • Wonkeye says:

      You can buy applecare within one year:

      http://www.apple.com/support/products/faqs.html

      • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

        Even if the repairs are already done?

      • juliaspublicist's rococo pile of polyester juliaspublicist says:

        Liquid contact is not covered by Apple Care.

        • stalker is the new fat says:

          can you ask them to prove the liquid damage? I know for phones, etc, there is often a label under the battery that changes color. If they can show you the signs of damage.. and you’ve already had them fix it.. i think you’re fucked.

          • juliaspublicist says:

            Well here’s the thing. I signed a work order for something that was free. I asked them to take pictures of the damage, but haven’t seen them yet. That was over the phone. I was really confused when they called. Because I didn’t spill anything on the computer, certainly not when it broke.

          • stalker is the new fat says:

            If you didn’t authorize $1200 worth of repairs, I don’t see how you can be charged for them. Can you go down there? I think you should go and flirt like mad and devastate them into giving you a deal.

          • Live Dependently says:

            Tell them you can’t afford $1200, would not have approved any work to be done if you were aware of the cost ahead of time, and would like your property back. They should have called you after they discovered the damage was due to liquid and before they did the repairs.

            Channel the donkey and demand it back! (Or try being calm and persistent and speak nicely to the manager).

          • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

            Exactly. They can’t charge you $1,200 without approving the work with you first. This makes me glad I have never gone Mac. What crooks. Eff you, Jobs.

    • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

      UGH that sucks!

      I found this – http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=384351 – which suggests perhaps condensation could be to blame. But they need to show you proof of this supposed damage, and they also can’t charge you for repairs you didn’t authorize.

    • Random Snowflake says:

      This guy had the same problem. A claim of liquid damage when he had never spilled anything on his MacBook. He had purchased AppleCare, but Apple told him to go to hell, and that they did not mind if he switched to another brand of laptop either.

      He made a little video (bottom of the page) to express his feelings on this to Apple. I love the video. :)

      http://appleliquiddamage.blogspot.com/

      I gave up on Apple machines after having to replace hard drives in a iBook, a PowerBook, then the whole top of the iBook when the trackpad stopped working.. And just last week I unpacked my old G5 iMac after moving a while back to find that it simply will no longer boot up.

      From now on I’ll just stick with my trust $400 PC laptop running Linux, at least this machine has lasted for 3 years now and I’ve not once had to open it up and replace anything. Some of the damn keys are starting to go now though, so it’s almost time for another cheap disposable laptop.

    • ThreeBlondesDown says:

      Apple has been more lenient with its water damage policy in the past year. Ask to speak to a manager and express that there is no way you have water damage to your computer. This isn’t about computers, but is an example: http://www.tuaw.com/2011/02/01/apples-softened-water-damage-policy-gains-notice/

  29. KT says:

    OT: But I just wanted to thank all you catladies for the recommendations. I’ve jumped on the We Need To Talk About Kevin train… and have it on hold at my library waiting to be picked up. I’m busy this weekend, but plan on immersing myself as much as possible so I can finally read the discussion on here!

    I also caught Downton Abbey as it was replayed on PBS, and LOVED LOVED LOVED it. I never would have caught it if it wasn’t for you cool cats. Since none of my non-catladies have watched this show, I hope I can ask a question about it here. I’ve tried a quick google, but haven’t found any answers on there.

    ***SPOILERS***

    Does anyone know if anyone, or more specifically Thomas, poisoned Pumook, the Turkish guy? The first time I watched the season I had a suspicion that was what happened, so I recently re-watched looking for clues. The only other clue I saw was when Bates and the Lord were speaking about the incident, and Bates assured him that noone would be able to poison him without getting past the cook
    (can’t think of her name). I recently read that there were some deleted scenes on PBS, such as Thomas tried to frame Bates for stealing. Anyone know if there were any deleted scenes regarding a possible poisoning? While I know its not impossible, he just seemed to young and fit to die from a heart attack. I’m very much looking forward to watching season 2 unfold on PBS beginning Sunday, so if there are details regarding this in season 2 then please don’t spoil!

    • stalker is the new fat says:

      PBS does not have deleted scenes. The Netflix streaming version has the complete version and the PBS was a little cut. There was a small subplot about a snuffbox. I have seen people speculating that Pamuk was poisoned but it is just a guess as there is nothing about it that I picked up on when I watched it.

    • stalker is the new fat says:

      Tom & Lorenzo talk about the deleted scenes myth here: http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/2011/12/downton-abbey-s1e2-a-question-of-class.html

      Their writeups are really good.

      • KT says:

        Thanks for the link, Stalker. I’m off to go read, guess I won’t be getting any more work done today! :)

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      I never got the idea that Thomas poisoned Pamuk. I read somewhere that Julian Fellowes got that storyline from the actual diaries of someone who lived during that era (maybe an aunt or former resident of Highclere or something?) Keep watching season two – the Pamuk death might seem random now, but it plays heavily into the storyline next season! Yay! So excited more people are watching this show! Maybe we can have discussions on Mondays?

  30. JFA says:

    His body language in every one of those pictures tells all. Also just a TAD overdressed for his winging ceremony. Jesus Christ you are not in a wedding party. Embarrassing.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      The shoes. Dear God.

      • Princess WideStance says:

        Weren’t those the pretend “Manolos”? Haahaaaa.

        • Shamoo£ia says:

          Yes. Not as bad as the pretend YSLs though. She claimed to have bought the Manolos to wear in Britt and Allie’s wedding and took some tacky picture of them on a table, arranged with her bouquet and jewelry, like some awful cliche “bridal accessories still life” rip off picture.

    • Kissy Face to a Crowd of Crickets says:

      She looks like his crazy cousin, or worse, crazy aunt.

  31. Peltergeist says:

    I’ve been here through all of this, and I’m STILL shocked that it happened. How can anyone, anywhere, at any time, even think about hiring this lunatic for any job? Baughling.

  32. Bouncing Little Burro says:

    OT: While browsing around, I found this blog post: http://www.greatjakes.com/blog/please-don%E2%80%99t-hire-a-%E2%80%9Cdirector-of-social-media%E2%80%9D/ It’s titled “Please, don’t hire a ‘Director of Social Media.’” It’s for a niche market, but it’s still applicable to a lot of industries.

    Choice quote: “…[A]n understanding of social media tools and tactics is not the biggest barrier to success in social media marketing. So, what’s the biggest barrier? Content. As I’ve written before, insightful, well-written “thought leadership” content must be at the center of any successful social media marketing effort by law firms. Unfortunately, most candidates for Director of Social Media are unlikely to have an editorial background, which is exactly what is needed to help lawyers craft truly compelling content.”

    Who does that sound like?

    • Bouncing Little Burro says:

      I meant to erase that last sentence. It basically applies to JA and tons of other “social media experts” out there.

    • Princess WideStance says:

      I could not agree with this more. As a marcomm director, social media is but a blip on my radar. It’s about good writing, compelling (and current) content, and multimedia presentation. It’s about having a real strategy and developing the right metrics to measure your success. Donkeys have no idea how to do any of this.

      • SchiapWTF says:

        Exactly, Princess WS! As someone who has worked as a professional blogger for a major corporation, a freelance writer and a social media expert, I’m never sure which of A Donkey’s faux gigs annoys me more. Social media is a real thing when done right, it’s mostly editorial with a slice of marketing and also brand identity. The real social media experts aren’t the ones with thousands of Twitter followers, they are the ones behind the scenes analyzing data and working with marketing, product and technology teams to plan next moves. A Donkey would be very bored by real social media gigs as they don’t involve tweeting “amazeballs” and posting 2,500 self-portraits.

  33. Records Custodian says:

    The first picture. It somehow captures every square inch of her batshit. She doesn’t look hot, she doesn’t look nice. She looks fucking nuts and unstable. She looks the farthest thing from someone remotely qualified to give advice about anything. She looks like she is 30 seconds away from speaking in tongues and twirling obsessively.

    The second to last picture. The red dress with the black tights with the red shoes. This is what people mean when they wonder if she has a host of special needs. She genuinely looks leotarded.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Take another look at the red dress & black lederhosen w/ Minnie Mouse fauxto … notice how it looks like her pelts are behind her rebar clavicle? Freaking weirds me out, that clavicle.

      Also, the obvious touch-up coloring on the cleavage is so … orange-ish.

    • bitchface says:

      leotarded would be a good user name for someone….

  34. Jordache and the Pelts says:

    Bravo JP ! Happy 2012 cat people love and joy and thanks for shits and giggles.

  35. juliaspublicist says:

    OMG, I am finally watching Young Adult and I had to leave the theatre and feta beer because that character is so infuriating!

    Gah!

  36. juliaspublicist says:

    Fucking Diablo Cody. Fuck her!

    • ShesJust Stupid says:

      Haven’t seen it. Didn’t like Juno though. (Cue some movie director on here telling me movies aren’t my thing…)

      • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

        You know what I hate? The last few Woody Allen movies, except for Match Point, which I liked. Is it just me who is really bugged by all the snappy, kvetchy Woody-speak he puts into the mouths of young actors who don’t, and wouldn’t, talk that way? I could barely stand Vickie Cristina Barcelona because he had ScarJo and that other young brunette doing the WoodySpeak. Please, Jesus, man, step away from yourself, and make your characters speak like people their age really speak.

        Just watched Midnight in Paris and the Rachel McAdams character was also such an unrealistic cuntwitch, not an ounce of kindness in her — why would OW even have been with her? I almost found the portrayal misogynist, in addition to the number of times Woody shot her from behind for a good ass shot, the creepy old man.

        And of course Owen Wilson playing a 35-year-old Woody throughout, talking exactly like him.

        Anyway, end rant.

        • Peltergeist says:

          Yes. I have never understood the Woody Allen obsession (and I also didn’t like Juno, ShesJustStupid — so, so contrived). Even before he married his own daughter, I was tired of seeing him work through his various complexes and shtick on screen. Get a therapist already.

          • Kissy Face to a Crowd of Crickets says:

            i was just listening to a rebroadcast of howard stern interviewing mia farrow and she said that woody was seeing multiple therapists SEVEN DAYS A WEEK when she was with him. she hypothesized that without that therapy, he might have been a serial killer or worse, since he was such a fucked up asshole WITH all of it.

          • Peltergeist says:

            Yikes!

        • Shamoo£ia says:

          It was far from a Woody Allen movie, but I didn’t like Friends With Benefits for the same reason – the dialogue was just TOO snappy. No one would talk like that. I wasn’t expecting much from this movie except for a few laughs and some JT abs, but the dialogue annoyed the shit out of me, to the point of ruining the movie for me. The funniest part of the movie was trying to believe a 30 year “art director” would have a job and apartment like that. I know rom com jobs and apartments are ridic anyway, but that took it too far.

        • stalker is the new fat says:

          Fuck woody allen. Fuck Juno. I am still waiting for a genuinely funny movie with women characters I can relate to that doesn’t fucking insult me on a zillion levels somehow.

        • "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

          In Woody’s world, women are either cunt shrews or vacuous, beautiful objects. I hated “Midnight in Paris” and wanted to spit on the people (all 60 years and older) who gave it a standing O when I saw it.

      • juliaspublicist says:

        Can we go back to talking about me and how I hated the movie about the narcissist?

        • stalker is the new fat says:

          I’m sorry, we can’t hear anything you say unless you’re being SASSY.

        • mcakez: Taste the Passion! says:

          I think the problem is that you were one of the only people masochistic enough to go and see it.

          The rest of us know to step aside when we see a steaming turd in the middle of the sidewalk.

          I do have to admit to being jealous that your theater sells beer. I always feel the slightest bit guilty sneaking mine in. (No I don’t.)

  37. Peltergeist says:

    If you step back and forget everything you already know, these photos look like a collection of behind the scenes shots from a really bad, no-budget student film.

  38. stalker is the new fat says:

    OT again, Kevin related:

    I don’t see how she stays if she is getting literally NO reward out of her relationship with her son and husband. Kevin is a shithead from minute one and her husband isn’t being nice to her at all. From a behavioral standpoint, even a rat will stop pushing the lever if it NEVER gets any food. I would find it more realistic if she got a little sugar from Kevin every now and then. I mean, come on, even Julia Allison must have had moments of cuteness as a baby. Once she got confirmation from the nanny that she’s got a demon baby, why not cut your losses? She doesn’t feel a maternal bond, she doesn’t seem to have a “What will people SAY?” issue… why not just bail? After all her ~world travelling~ you would think she’d get a good sense of human nature and how some people just need to be avoided.

    I also don’t understand how the kid’s not been diagnosed with SOMETHING. Is it because it’s in the 80′s? He’s displaying catatonia at the very least, right? He stares off into space and is floppy. That’s gotta be a symptom of something!

  39. ShesJustStupid says:

    Aaaand….Dr. Bobby has made an appearance at JABs’ fake home TV stuido. Why am I not surprised? I still get emails from his office even though I’ve requested they stop sending them. I actually have another mole that needs to be removed and my bf says “Go to SamBuca!” every time he sees it. I’ve tried to explain that the good Dr. is a gross associate of the Donks and I won’t go back to him, but he just gets confused.

  40. Pescachickenarian says:

    Thanks JP!

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