Julia Allison’s “Social Studies” Column Held Up By The Most Complicated Typo Ever

Julia Allison, future star of the Ashley Tisdale-produced “Miss Advised,” and word-stringer of “Social Studies,” a column distributed by Tribune Media services that was recently dropped from the Chicago Tribune, appears to not have a “Social Studies” column distributed by Tribune Media Services anymore, if the growing amount of circumstantial evidence is to be believed.

Since the column’s “rough launch,” when it debuted in over 100+ newspapers around the globe (Ed Note: NOT BY A LONGSHOT), we’ve been hearing whispers that the syndicate was unhappy to sign her on (Thanks Dadsers!) and was even more eager to get rid of her. Now Tuesday, the day her latest column is released, has come and gone, and there is absolutely no new incoherent jibberjabber disguised as this week’s column. While few papers picked up the column, and by “few” I mean look at your hand (just ONE hand, silly!) and count your fingers, even fewer papers seem to continue to publish it as of last week. In fact, it appears that after the Chicago Tribune took the time to painstakingly scrub out the donkey’s dung from their online archives, only that Citylink paper in Florida continues to waste column inches on Julia Allison’s wildly fantastic weekly failure, publishing a column that Tucker Max basically “wrote” himself, considering that about 70% of that reacharound was direct quotes from the tiny-dicked, date-raping douchetard.

Now it is conceivable that Julia Allison may be taking another “working vacation.” But the last time she neglected her column duties — Burning Man changes lives, people — TMS published a vastly superior column written by a comedian in its place. Today, with no Donkey-penned drivel to pour over, it appears the effort to find a substitute was never made.

I, for one, am completely shocked that her column seems to be unceremoniously petering out. Prior to its worldwide launch, Julia Allison was hailed as a massively successful social media expert, and she flaunted her tits and everything to prove it. Plus the column itself was a beacon for responsible journalism, that is, if journalism has devolved into printing error-ridden entries from your pretty pink pony diary. She used her column to dive into pool of sad, sad pity, to brand herself as a martyr for ALL THE GIRLS, to suck up to more successful friends and to justify her heinously invasive behavior to Navy helicopter pilots.

That is, of course, when she wasn’t settling personal scores after she was prohibited from being an obnoxiously rude twat or publishing masturbation fodder for her unhealthy wedding and princess fantasies. All the while, since the time that her column began, social media has played a role in populist uprisings across the Arab world and the dissemination of information regarding the killing of Osama bin Laden, Google+ has debuted, Facebook has faced even greater scrutiny over online privacy, and, even now, social media is playing a role in the growing Occupy Wall Street movement that is spreading across the country.

You’d think these would be worthy topics for a measly 700 word column, but, no, Julia Allison wants to write about teaching your grandmother how to log onto fucking Facebook.

Yet another professional opportunity squandered? Who knows? As of yet, nothing official has been announced, but you can’t expect to continue being a weekly syndicated columnist when your column writing skills and work ethic are so weak.

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55 Responses to Julia Allison’s “Social Studies” Column Held Up By The Most Complicated Typo Ever

  1. Pelts O' Glory says:

    My first “first”…it was so special. tear.

  2. AFGHANI WAS INSIDE says:

    FIRST!!!1

  3. Dog-Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

    APPLAUSE!!!!! This is a tour de force!

  4. Tremendous Liar; Donkey of Repugnance says:

    This is fantastic. And I think the “typo” was a line editorially inserted after last week’s column saying, “this is Julia Allison’s last column.” She thought “last” was a huge typo and assumed they tots meant to write “best ever.”

  5. Aggressively Stupid (Does that help?) says:

    I guess the Chicago Tribune wanted to get off the merry-go-round.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey of Repugnance says:

      Yes. Her dead silence makes me think that this breakup must be grim. She’s not even trying to spin it (no pun intended).

  6. Princess Widestance says:

    And I’m spent.

    Great post. If the column is indeed dead, we’ll consider it a triumph for hard-working journalists everywhere.

  7. Tremendous Liar; Donkey of Repugnance says:

    Can’t make this shit up. Donkey’s latest Twitter follow? RAINN. Posturing bitch.

    • Dog-Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

      She did that because she was so afraid she was going to get called out by them…

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey of Repugnance says:

        Ha. On a related note, after looking through who Julia follows on Twitter, she’s gotta be in contention for most boring feed ever.

    • Edward R. Burro says:

      Wow. What a huge coincidence that has nothing whatsoever to do with Belle’s terrific posts last week calling her out on being a rape apologist AND asking for donations to that same organization!

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      Ugh. Does she ever just apologize? Like, “Hey guys, I’m sorry if my tweet implied that I support Tucker’s comment. I don’t. It was a lapse in judgment and I never intended to downplay rape, which is never okay.” Would she really rather internet-argue with people than simply take the high road? What? Is Wrong With Her?

      See also: Macbook Air, snooping in Pancakes’ phone/email, email to ex & financee, etc.

      Is there any evidence of of apology/shame in the Donkey chronology? Records Custodian?

  8. I Bray for Pay says:

    Oh please, this is Julia we are talking about. Even though she may no longer have a Social Studies column, that will not stop her from billing herself as an “Internationally Syndicated Columnist” for the next five years.

    Did her refusal to erase “Time Out New York Columnist” from her bio for *YEARS* after she was let go teach us nothing?

  9. LEFOOLIEH says:

    Even Calcutta had nary a fuck to give that day.

  10. Meow_Mix says:

    It’s so delicious that when someone called her out for her column not being run last week, she did the bold-faced “typo” lie. Really, Julia? You thought no one would notice? Well, since no one actually reads your columns, you DID think no one would notice but I digress.

    This column would have been such a great opportunity for someone with a fucking brain. As much as I hate the term “social media,” almost as much as I hate “personal branding,” there is SO much fodder for a good writer to write a very compelling column on social media around the world. Yet Julia squandered it away to settle personal scores with her boyfriend, friends, and haters. If she wasn’t doing that, she would email one of her acquaintances, say “Tell me about your new OMGTech startup,” and quote that person verbatim throughout the article.

    In fact, I think I’ll have to go back and read the “It’s Totes Cool to Snoop in your BF’s phone!” column, now that we know what was going on behind the scenes with Pancakes. I love a little schadenfreude with my coffee!

    • Effervescent Suppositories says:

      In the light of what we know now about the Jack affair – it makes these statements even more INSANE.

      But I haven’t felt this steady and solid in a relationship, perhaps ever. I feel like I have a – yes, I’m going to use this word – teammate for the first time since Alex – someone who really has my back, who is unwaveringly supportive, who LOVES me.

      And so I think back to my original belief, and I wonder if that’s true, or if maybe we’re just wired (like practically every socio-biology article I read claims) to exist in tightly-knit communities of layered relationships, with primary partnerships at the focal point. So when we disrupt that natural balance by becoming too solitary or even independent (of social ties), we feel a little empty, or unmoored.

      I don’t know. I’m a bit overtired right now, so perhaps this makes no sense, but I’m just struggling to understand why I feel so calm and strong and peaceful. I truly believe that is due to my relationship with Jack. That said, I can’t help but notice that a part of me is embarrassed to admit that’s most likely the reason I feel so great … it almost seems … like a cop out, or something. Like we’ve told ourselves (or I’ve told myself) that garnering joy from a relationship is … what’s the term I’m looking for … cheating? (I know that’s a loaded term, but it’s the only one I could come up with!)

      • Dog-Yapping & Donkey Tears says:

        She’s “struggling with why she feels so clam” – so gifted with words this one.

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      It’s true, MM – this could have been a really cool gig. By “cool”, I mean an easy-to-do (and from anywhere!) job that could, with the right talent & work ethic, springboard her to being a well-respected and widely-known columnist. Think of the book deals and speaking engagements she could command if she took this job seriously.

      The words lazy, dumb, selfish, and clueless just don’t even begin to scratch the surface with her. If she’s looking at this reality series as a means to be adored (which as Jacy has pointed out, is all she wants) while doing absolutely nothing with her life–because even this column that any one of us could barf out in a half hour clearly was too much for her–she’s in for a rude awakening.

    • itsjustme says:

      Can someone link me to or explain the typo thing?

      I was out all last week having lots of…root canals.

  11. Meow_Mix says:

    Ooh, now onto the twitter stream of crazy!

    1) Someone named “Male Call Advice” responded to JABA’s made up Let’s Get off the Merry Go Round quote with “Confused. Did he mean ‘Let’s slow down and enjoy what we seem to have going here.’? or, ‘I need some space, doll.’?” JABA’s response? “neither! He was referring to my insane travel schedule (not ab us at all)”
    -hahahahaaaa. Riiiiiiight. OK, your “insane travel schedule” that you unnecessarily perpetuate. She really does wish she were some C-level executive jetting around the world on important meetings. Julia, you fly off to SF to couch surf. Then to LA to attend a Z-list party. Back to NY for a date! Chicago, for Dadser’s birthday! SF to see Facebook’s sister! Your insane travel schedule is just that… insane. And seriously, take a fucking social cue. If that guy really did say to get off the merry go round, which he didn’t because normal people don’t talk like that, he’s telling you to slow your roll and back the fuck off.

    2) Bragging about getting a Lincoln Escalade from Hertz. ????! “Just landed in LA & picked up my rental car to find @Hertz upgraded me TO A @Lincoln ESCALADE! I feel like a pimp. Now I just need a posse.” She tagged Lincoln! Ha! It’s a Cadillac Escalade, you fucking empty-headed Donkey. Of course when someone calls her out on her stupidity, she says, “The rental car guy said he was giving me a Lincoln Escalade! Oops?” OK, blame your stupidity on the poor Hertz employee. Also, for someone who cares about ALL THE GIRLS, perhaps using the word “pimp” in such a flippant tone would be a bad idea. Getting a Lincoln (sic) Escalade makes you feel like a man who exploits, enslaves, and sexually abuses girls and women? Oooookay.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      RE: 1) She wants us to believe that some guy really said that? Okay then …
      READ BETWEEN THE FICTIONAL LINES, Donkey!

      Maybe it’s time to at least pause the merry-go-round? Not stop it forever, just jump off for a couple of rides.

      … ABS(ent) LOLyer will hit the pause/paws/pas’ button long enough to ride you bareback a couple of times, (just like Tim Ferriss, just like Tucker Max, just like Alex Marquardt) & then he’s done w/ your raftass, he’s never going to call you his girlfriend, he’s never going to be your exclusive boyfriend.

      For a so-called relationship expert, you sure are clueless when it comes to fuck ’em & forget ’em scenarios. Then again, reality was hardly ever your domain.

    • mule on rouge says:

      Maybe the Hertz guy was hoping she’d pull a Tiger Woods.

      [img]http://i52.tinypic.com/k539fa.jpg[/img]

    • DonnieDriveBy says:

      The use of the word Pimp was solely to make the hairs on the back of Ashton’s neck stand up. YOO HOO! WE’RE LIKE NEIGHBORS NOW!

      • Donkey of Perdition says:

        Doesn’t Megatits live in L.A.? Yoooohoooo! Meghan! Jack!
        [img]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-L2tc8AN5il8/TlzesgzlMBI/AAAAAAAAAJg/-x6_tEdhTzI/s1600/im-back.jpg[/img]

    • bitchface says:

      oh no, Male Call is the other author in the Contra Costa Times that retired (one of the reasons that Julia even got her article there or as she says “the bay area” carries her column). The other was the Ethicist column when he retired.

      Too bad they are friendly; he’s nice. Julia Allison Baugher is horrid.

  12. Shamoo£ia says:

    JP, reading your posts is like guzzling from the endless fountain of online donkey commentary and clicking links frantically like a starving lab rat pressing a lever for dumb bitch heroin.

    • mule on rouge says:

      I feel like this post is a fire hydrant and I’m standing in front of it, mouth open, trying to drink….

    • ICrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

      JP, I promise to write a comment soon about how this post literally changed my life — an epiphany AND a major paradigm shift — but I’m still processing.

  13. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    This has to be her worst fauxtoshop job yet. She wanted her ass to look all apple-cheeks but seriously? If this was a 3-D model & you rotated the image to the right a bit, where her back was facing the screen dead-on, her right ass cheek would be sagging several inches lower than her left ass cheek. What? Is wrong with her

  14. Julia's Old Nose says:

    Another Donkey project bites the dust! I have a crapload of desk errands to do today, but I just want to raise my coffee and toast another fantastic #fail by everyone’s favorite sham artist.

    Having an internationally syndicated OMGcolumn! would have been an incredible opportunity to dig into the uprisings in Egypt, #occupywallstreet, Facebook changes, and you write about TUCKER MAX and his advice that “CEO’s are full of shit, why would you follow them?” What a waste of space she is.

    • Effervescent Suppositories says:

      she’s boring – the only interesting thing about her is that she’s an insane tramp

  15. mule on rouge says:

    And nothing of value was lost.

  16. My Bald Runyon Canyon says:

    Dear Colleague:

    As you know I am the founder of mybaldrunyoncanyon@gmail.com, an innovative electronic messaging platform.

    I am interested in having one of our corporate press releases published in more than 100+ papers, keeping in mind that our core strategic focus is on the Fort Lauderdale/Lauderdale-By-The-Sea market.

    My strong preference is that our corporate message be communicated in the voice of a small, easily distracted child.

    Your help is much appreciated.

    Best regards,

    My Bald Runyon Canyon
    Founder, mybaldrunyoncanyon@gmail.com

  17. Actual Shower Vommer says:

    [img]http://oi56.tinypic.com/2j3iqno.jpg[/img]

    • Convenient Feminist says:

      Whenever Julesie has one of her many manic nights, I can just imagine Bethenny screaming “Go to sleep! Just GO TO SLEEP!”

  18. Julia Loserson is $60,000 in the hole says:

    Ashton, how can I sleep with now that you’re getting a divorce? PS I’m in the Lincoln Escalade parked outside. PPS Cheating is okay, so long as I approve.

  19. Albie Quirky says:

    This is grade-A rant right here. It’s like the Federalist Papers of fameballing assholes.

    But can I be a total bitch (actually, a total obsessive) and say that it’s “pore over,” not “pour over,” in that context? Because otherwise, this is perfection itself.

  20. Donksers says:

    That post is a work of art, JP. Thanks so much to both you and Jacy for chronicling The Donkey Show in such a smart and funny way. Julia could learn a lot more from RBD than she’s been able to learn from her endless supply of self-help books, her enabling parents, or her clueless “friends.”

  21. diluted brain says:

    This photo makes me want to gag.

    I highly doubt someone who works at Hertz would not know the make of a car if that’s what they do all day long. She’s so full of it. She can’t even admit her normal mistakes like this, why would she admit a real one.

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