Remember this bullshit? Oh the melodrama! The star-crossed lovers, so deeply committed to one another but whose sweet, precious love was torn apart by the demands of the military! So tragic! So heartbreaking!
In fact, the Pancakes-Donkey breakup had nothing to do with Guam. There was no grand love story, at least not in Pancakes’ mind. He got involved with a vivacious woman who seemed fun and intelligent and actually cared about her for awhile before he soon realized that, in fact, she was needy, insane and monstrously self-absorbed. Donkey grossly exaggerated the entire relationship for “political” purposes, Pancakes has told mutual friends. In other words, she felt the relationship made her look good and got her publicity, so she couldn’t seem to help herself from ridiculously exaggerating its seriousness and publicly boasting about it. He found it moderately amusing and harmless at first. But then it started to seriously bother him and his famous family.
Here is what JP and I have been able to piece together from multiple sources over the past few days and weeks.
As one source close to both Donk and Pancakes reports, regarding her assertion that she moved in with him after he asked her to come visit for a longer stretch than just a couple of days: “The way he tells it, she came to visit and then just never left. He was so busy anyway and rarely saw her so he just didn’t deal with it.”
But then came the night when Pancakes was sound asleep and a snooping Donkey allegedly read all his texts and e-mails. She discovered that he was friendly with other women — not sexting, mind you, just communicating. The women soon received e-mails from “Jack,” who was actually Julie Albertson pretending to be Jack. The tipsters report she called him on these friendships a few days later, after claiming that some anonymous hacker got into his e-mail and sent her the information. However, after the lunacy he had witnessed a couple of months earlier when she terrorized her “haters,” Pancakes was well aware of her trademark “I WAS HACKED!” excuse whenever she’s done psycho shit. And that was pretty much the end of the relationship, in his mind.
He got out, has never looked back, and is relieved to be out of it relatively unscathed, and in fact texted one friend: “Thank God I am out of this relationship soon” during the week in which she stayed in the San Diego condo after he dumped her. He learned so much about her psycho tendencies towards the end that he has had to warn his new girlfriend and other female friends several times that they might be harassed. And it’s not just Jack who is totally onto the dubious donkey. Apparently, Momma McCain designated someone on the family’s staff to monitor her online donkey dung. It’s amusing knowing someone on the McCain payroll was/is reading us every day, which we suspected anyway given some strange Arizona and Washington, D.C., IP addresses and anonymous tips that came our way.
It certainly puts her whole column about how it’s perfectly acceptable to hack into your significant other’s e-mail and phone into a new light, doesn’t it, particularly after asserting years ago that you should never give your boyfriend access to your e-mail? Once again, Donkey used her column to settle a personal score/save face.
Great hire, TMS!