How Shocking. A Cuckoo Who Spews Her Life Online Gets Stood Up

That’s right, one of those dates she was braying about the other day stood her up. Just didn’t show. Go read her Twitter stream, it goes on and on and on about it. She’s fragile from the breakup, bunnies, and didn’t need this!!

I wonder what he saw on her blog/Twitter stream/the Interwebs that scared him straight.

The last vendetta TMS column? The whinging endlessly about Pancakes until quite recently, until Donkey got her Marquardt on? The photo above? Share your theories in the comments!

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

256 Responses to How Shocking. A Cuckoo Who Spews Her Life Online Gets Stood Up

  1. Du says:

    Ashton, I got standed urp! Help

  2. Ashton, how can I help her potential blind dates?

    • Boomerang Slam says:

      Ashton, don’t they know that avioding her doesn’t work?? She is a stalker and has nothing but ample free time!

  3. Rosalie says:

    Ashton, WTF? Don’t they know who I am? I am not random!

    (I’m aware I’m not first)

  4. Rebecca of Donkeybrook Ashram says:

    Imagine how bitchy her text back was? He probably saw it and was like, fuck that bitch.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Good theory!

      And the texts asking where he was probably got progressively more hostile and aggressive.

      • Pelt-a-Polozza says:

        THIS! x 1,000,000!

      • monster says:

        no kidding, the guy is probably in the air, delayed plane and this bitch is aggressively texting his phone the whole time he is in the air – and you know that she was probably already an hour late.

  5. monster says:

    at least we can anticipate the topic of her new column: text etiquette – when you get stood up.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      Oh yes! Imagine the brayge!

    • Dyspeptic says:

      I think that’s a shoo-in for the column after the last in the interminable wedding series. He’ll get his, bunnies!

    • blame it on the bray says:

      if (slash when) there is a fake “Dear Julia, I got stood up AND SOCIAL MEDIA WAS INVOLVED” question in an upcoming column, I’m going to stab myself in the eye.

      • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

        this is tots gonna happen, but it could also go the other way: Dear Julia, I recently stood up a blind date. HUGE mistake, I know I know, haha! What can I do to make it up to her? Dozens of roses, fawning Facebook messages, a free spa day, a wedding ring?
        From: Missed the greatest opportunity of my life!

      • monster says:

        except texting is not social media – it’s straight up communication.

  6. Barking Mad says:

    Probs all those sassy texts! All 75 of them.

  7. Pelt-a-Polozza says:

    This really gives me the case of the brayage. She’s so obviously over Pancakes, except when she can use it to garner sympathy. Also, whereever she is from LAX is a 45 minute drive – who goes on a date at 11:15pm other than to bone? Does Taryn work? Isn’t it in bad form to come clomping in from your date at 3:00am?

    My 2 cents is her date got one look at her LIVE TWEETING!!!! her last date and wanted NOTHING to do with that. (LOL, I love how she thinks maybe his phone lost its charge – is she 14???? She is such a special snowflake she could NEVER get stood up).

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      Yeah, I can’t figure out why someone just getting off a plane at night, coming from a place that is hours ahead, would agree to a blind date. He must’ve been told she’d put out.

      Meanwhile, inconsiderate Julia demanding a date from someone just getting off a plane at night, coming from a place hours ahead? You don’t say!

  8. awkwardposer says:

    Here’s the thing HERE’S THE THING: she kept braying about it being Blind Date #2, but then she noted that it was “out of character” for him to not text. Methinks the date is not so blind after all.

  9. D says:

    If she’s not over pancakes, why is she dating? I just don’t understand this method of “recovery.” Do lots of women do this? Go out on several different dates to get over someone. Mend a broken heart only by falling in love again?

    I honestly don’t think she’s over ‘cakes. Not because of any meaningful connection or loss of love, but most definitely the loss of potential fame, exposure, plastic surgery funds, and access to henchmen to do her twisted bidding of both the domestic variety (watching lily) and the sinister variety (shutting down the cat ladies).

    There’s a desperation now for someone, anyone to put a ring on it. I felt the same way with prom king but the closer Julie gets to 31 and 32…I really don’t think we’ve seen anything yet. Sad? Scary? Excited???

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      It’s possible. Sometimes it’s a lot of random and extremely meaningless sex. She is NOT over flapjack jr. Every single thing she’s doing right down to the “LOOK HOW MUCH FUN I’M HAVING” live date tweeting is for pancakes, who never reads her blog. That is why it’s so sad (and slightly schadenfreude-ish) to observe. Pancakes is probably battering and syruping all over town, has closed down his twitter, decided having a facebook is unnecessary, and Guam is in the cards. JA is posting up anything and everything to show ole ‘cakes she’s over him and is totally living it up as a desirable single lady. Except not, at all, and he doesn’t care, and she is giving everyone freakin’ canklehausen with her desperate and manic behavior. The craziness she’s displaying lately kind of hints to me that she’s making a lot of drunk and teary phone calls, kinda like with PK. If she’s playing this breakup in ANY way like she did with PK, pancakes is ~*never the donkey-ing*~ EVER AGAIN because he’s now on the receiving end of the crazy. Since she thought she was better than PK, his ability to spew cash and indulge her ridiculous behavior was something she missed when she got dumped. I can’t even imagine how amplified this is with potential McCain money and last name “status”. He donkeyed, so I can’t feel TOO bad for him, but I kind of do because bish be cray.

    • High Status Markers says:

      I dated a lot of guys to try to get over my ex. It didn’t work, but hey it kept me busy. I also learned a lot, so it wasn’t a total wash. It was a stupid and embarrassing time in my life but I was 25.

    • Sausage Snappers says:

      Nah, she’s just husband hunting. She never cared about McCain, it’s so obvious. I don’t think she’s been upset about a breakup since Jakob, honestly.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Yes, a lot of people do this. Sometimes it can help if you’re just having lighthearted, low-stakes rebound sex with no expectations.

      • Onocentaur says:

        yeah my breakup was in September, and it’s only now that I feel like I am ready for another relationship. The time since has been spent Not Having Emotions about dudes.

      • D says:

        I understand rebound sex. That’s going out with your girlfriends, dancing at a dive bar, or bad rock and roll karaoke joint (I’m so not speaking from experience here. Except I am) picking up some dude here and there and banging him to get your mind off a breakup. I think going out on planned, set up dates is different.

        I just don’t know anyone who went through the trouble of actual dates to get over someone. Shameless banging, sure. But having someone go through the trouble of setting me up on blind dates, with set times and restaurants where the dude pays (knowing julia), and getting dressed up, knowing (b/c I broadcast it on my twatter/liecast) that I’m ‘not over’ moneyed and statused pancakes, sounds bizarre?

        “Hey, wanna go out with my friend? She’s crazy, and not over her ex. Wait, do you have an ivy league education? Okay, good. Now take her somewhere expensive, because she likes money.”

        What kind of shitty friend sets up a dude with some chick that is not only crazy, but crazy and emotionally unavailable and still pining over losing the status of the ex?

    • Vomming tots says:

      A wise person once told me the only way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

      • little birdies dress me says:

        I was just about to say that. It sure helped me out. The best way to get over a guy is to get under a guy. It even applies to donkeys.

  10. Dear Heart says:

    She looks like freaking Teresa Giudice from the Real Housewives of New Jersey in the new pics she posted on her retarded sideways blerg. Is that how she was dressed for this date? Christ she’s going full on “prostitute.”

    Speaking of which, who the hell flies from New York to the West Coast for a “date.” Is she letting old men pay to fuck her now?

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      I said it in the previous thread, but she deliberately makes it sound like he flew in for the date, but doesn’t exactly say that. “He flew in from New York.” Sounds to me like he’s in LA for business so flew in the night before. She’s just trying to sound special.

    • awkwardposer says:

      Yeah I do not understand what’s going on with her face in those pictures. Or her hair. Or her skin color.

  11. is this the guy?

    yogurteur Michael Farah
    Sorry, I got cold feet RT @JuliaAllison: So … I got stood up tonight. Ouch.

  12. The Manta says:

    Did this dude fly into LA from NY specifically for a blind date?

    If not, ew.
    If so, ew.

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      Soooooo much wrong with this. Sooooooo much. MIND BAUGHLING!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      If it is the Funny or Die guy, then he probably had meetings (actual meetings, not meetings with his manager a la Donkerina).

  13. LEFOOLIEH says:

    But look at all her pictures with the behbeh! She looks totally materNO! I feel bad for that Gerber-material (her words) behbeh having to be used as a prop for a JA fauxto. Also, please Julie, do not sully Cat D. or SYTYCD by attempting to throw yourself in there. Gwurl, saying he reps her (and doing so mainly to imply that he is somewhat responsible for her success and ability to pull as steady host for the wildly successful show for many seasons now) diminishes whatever success he might have had, because you already scream to the world that he reps you and you haven’t been doing jack shit. It’s very much Cat D. – AWESOME! Julia A. – Eh. Really? Why? Also, GUIZ, whatever happened to George R. or has he totz “bitch, boo, bye”d already?

  14. Boomerang Slam says:

    Theory: I know if I got asked out by a guy and then read his twitter and he was saying “I am going out with a different girl every night of this week!” that I would cancel. I know that when someone asks me out on a first date they may go out with someone else around that time. But don’t rub it in or make it seem like a sport. It just sounded like she was doing those dates to be able to say – look how desirable I am! Not that she actually wanted to go on a date with any of them in particular.

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      So much this-ery. She always expresses surprise when someone knows her name, and can or has already googled her, but will still opt to go on a date with her. Never mind that after all that it means they’re either equally douchey, in it for the lulz or in it for the possibility of clam dungeon penetration, which… #vominshower. Take note Donkzilla, this is what happens when someone sane and “surprisingly normal” (or was that another date…. the one that found her omgmarried friend cute and she found this out pre-date? It all just melds together.) comes across your psycho internet antics and decides they don’t want to bother putting up with your bullshit. Not even for the potential of ass scorage. That last bit is probably the part that bothers her the most.

    • BJ KELLY says:

      ugh there’s this dude that i talk to and we like to text each other about dates that we go on or whatever and he is always like “yeah my two dates last night”. Like, what? You’re doing it wrong. Either fuck them and go or date them.

    • Shrug Bitch says:

      That happened to me once. I was giving OKCupid a shot and went on (what I thought) was a good first date with the guy. I do a little online searching in prep for our (what I hoped would be) second date….and found some blog he’d started detailing his online dating experience, complete with girls per night and RATINGS. I’d only been given a 6, so when he called again I told him I was surprised seeing as our first time was only average. Never heard from him again (thank god).

      • New Year New You says:

        ????? Was this blog under his real name?

        • Shrug Bitch says:

          No it was under the username he also used as a Twitter handle (which I didn’t see until he friended me on FB after the first date), so I googled that username to see if anything popped up and…voila.

  15. Dear Heart says:

    The time stamps on her blog show she didn’t so much “go to sleep” as have a “melt to dawn cray cray fest.”

    Fuck her. She deserves it.

  16. Boomerang Slam says:

    Different theory: karma is real.

  17. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    I wonder what he saw on her blog/Twitter stream/the Interwebs that scared him straight.

    He probably saw batshit crazy sasshole Donkey in all her pink glory & got scared gay.

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      Between “Is Julia feral?” and “got scared gay”, I am loving the commenting A-game y’all are bringing.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Crap! ::need moar caffeine:: I’d gone to smoke a cig & when I came back, I only half-ass remembered where I was going to go w/ this …

      I wonder what he saw on her blog/Twitter stream/the Interwebs that scared him straight.
      Could be what he saw was Donkey on Airplane Seatback TV that scared him gay.

    • solidarity cat says:

      “sasshole.” heh heh heh.

  18. Who do you think you are? says:

    So many tweets about this – here’s a tip Julia, shut your mouth! (Er, your thumbs, whatever.) Take your obsessing over why he bailed to your girlfriends, unless you don’t have any left. And if you don’t, still not appropriate to bray all over Twitter! Shouldn’t you know that, what with your social media etiquette expertise and whatnot?


    • Dear Heart says:

      It’s pathological for her at this point. Donkey really needs help, but her parents, Robin and Peter Baugher, are such dog shit assholes, that they’d rather:

      – Keep letting her live in their condo
      – justify her batshit behavior
      – bail her out with favors from Dad, who DID get her into Georgetown and ABSOLUTELY pulled the strings to get her the column that will shortly be pulled from TMS (I HEARD A RUMOR, BUNNIES!).

  19. Pink Ruffled Cheese says:

    I took the opportunity to look at Julia’s Tweets (haha, ew) for the first time in… months?… and, Jesus, all but like two of her favorited Tweets are things she’s written. I’d never noticed that before, but I think it’s turned my annoyance into sadness.

    She’s always going to be like this, isn’t she? Poor everyone else, ever.

    • Dear Heart says:

      She’ll never get help. Seriously…she’s damned lucky her parents are rich. Left to her own devices, I think she’d be a schizo bag woman on the streets by 40.

      • Live Dependently says:

        If her parents weren’t rich they might not have been able to continue enabling her for so long. She might have taken them for all they had or they might have cut her off realizing they just didn’t have any more to give, and then maybe she would have found a way to be a functioning adult.

      • JFA says:

        You know if her parents weren’t rich she might be more normal. she would probably just me a midwestern housewife somewheres. Instead, she grew up thinking she deserves more, is elite in some way, and is special, when none of those are true. She thinks she’s too good to lead a normal, boring life.

  20. Scooby Don't says:

    Those who live by the Twitter, die by the Twitter.

    Count down to Julia blaming unspecified haters for sullying her online reputation and ruining her chances to find true love.

    After all she’s just a girl, spewing her every mental bowel movement to the world, asking it to love her.

  21. Andy Whorehol says:

    Karma is a bitch and so is she. Think about all the many times in the past that she’s left people waiting for her, showing up for meetings and dates and interviews one to two hours late. Or think about all the dates that *she* has likely stood up in her past. It’s payback time!
    (Gee, it doesn’t feel good to be left waiting and/or stood up, does it, Julia?)

  22. Subsidized Donk Den says:

    I found this tweet curious:

    @silverpeanut – You may have a point. Something might have happened. Especially as this seems completely out of character for him, actually.

    So it’s a first date but she knows his character well enough to make this judgment? Huh.

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      Desperate. First she got stood up… the outrage! Nobody stands her up! But wait, something MUST have happened to him, her totally blind date just doesn’t do this regularly… because nobody stands Julie Albertson up! It’ll be funny if nothing happened and he just stood her up point blank – because even if he missed the date, he could still have explained why he didn’t show or tossed a cover-up lie and reschedule, though from the looks of things hasn’t taken any of those options. Watching Julia attempt to inform her public that she is not random and doesn’t get stood up right after a breakup with someone with a famous name will always remain amusing.

      • solidarity cat says:

        I also think that it’s sort of funny that her implication here is that it would be better if something happened to him than if he actually stood her up. Summarizes her world view pretty well.

  23. My nostrils are TOTALLY symmetrical Oo says:

    She’s not over her break up so she feels shitty because she got stood up on a blind date. Getting over someone/being broken hearted, you’re doing it wrong.

  24. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    OT: Weiner resigned.

  25. JFA says:

    Um, my theory is she’s batshit insane. Men don’t like that.

    Seriously, men don’t want to talk about/read about on twitter your “date” constantly before you even know them. Nothing will cause balls to recede faster than someone who won’t fucking shut up about dating. Meet someone for a drink and STFU up about it beforehand. This is not rocket science.

    God, I get embarrassed when things go sour with dates when I only tell like, two friends about it. She’s posting this shit all over Twatter with thousands of followers? It’s just sad at this point.

    • Boner Killer says:

      you rang?

    • 4chan is my personal army says:

      I honestly don’t think she’s capable of feeling embarrassment (or shame, for that matter.) If I bragged to the whole freakin’ world I was going on a date (which I, as a wise old cat, would never do), you can bet your whiskers I’d keep the whole being-stood-up thing to myself. Forever.

      Since I love reading here, I appreciate Donkey letting us know every time she gets humiliated, even though she’s not aware that’s what she’s doing.

  26. Some Girl says:

    He probably saw her blog about her last date where she wrote,“While I don’t think I found my future husband, I did make a friend.”

    Because that’s just what every guy wants a first date to be – a husband audition!

    • Jacy says:

      My jaw dropped when I read that. Jesus fuck, lady. You head into a first date wanting him to be your future husband?

      You need help.

      • JFA says:

        She’s like the definition of desperate. Seriously, she’s “what not to do while dating.” Anyone out there single? Look to her, and do the opposite.

        She probably sizes guys up in an hour too, based on where they went to school and how much money they are willing to spend on her.

  27. Some Girl says:

    In other news, the transformation is nearly complete!


    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:


    • neverbotoxed says:

      I don’t understand her nose. I swear it’s made out of playdoh. In most of her pictures it looks like a pig snout, but in random photos and these baby ones it looks super pointy (and witch-like).

    • Real-life "Cathy" Cartoon says:

      The pelts are a particular horror here. Too dark, Julia!

    • Dr. Gary says:

      She looks absolutely, 100% batshit insane in this pic. Like the type of girl who’d break into a guy’s apartment and wait for him to get home so they could *have a talk* about why he stood her up.


      p.s. Does the nose look different? Or am I imagining that?

      • solidarity cat says:

        Are we discussing the top picture? What I find funny and sad about the series of photos mit baby that she posted last night is that she looks like hell, BUT! She looks skinny. And I think that’s all that matters to her.

    • I'MMMMELTING says:

      Dear lord, she looks like the Wicked Witch of the West. POST-bucket of water at that.

  28. Pancakes with a side of Pancakes with a side of of cray cray says:

    I just looked at her twitter feed. Good GOD woman! Get the eff over it! So he never texted back, and you got stood up. Kind of shitty, but at least you found out before the date that he’s a douche! I just had the guy who I’ve been dating for a month just stop texting me one day and now I have to assume we are done. How many times did I text him? Once. How many times did I twitter about it? Zero. How over it am I? Completely! Who wants a dude like that? GET THE EFF OVER IT DONKEY.

    • Some Girl says:

      Yup, I once had a guy who I’d been dating kind of seriously for THREE months just stop texting/calling one day. I sent him one last text just in case, spent a day feeling sorry for myself, and then said OH WELL, FUCK HIM and moved on. I can’t believe she’s all depressed over a blind date that didn’t even happen!

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      He’s a douche? I dunno … maybe probably not. Look at it this way: He didn’t the Donkey, & that’s one hella ebullet dodged right there.

      • Pancakes with a side of Pancakes with a side of of cray cray says:

        yes. you are right. In this situation, he probably isn’t a douche, but he googled her and realized that he could never the donkey. He’s a smart one.

        I’m projecting my own issues with my own douches.

      • JFA says:

        It’s still douchey to stand someone up, I don’t care who the victim is. It wouldn’t kill anyone to send a text that they can no longer make it. I mean you don’t even have to call anymore! Just send a text and be done with it.

        • solidarity cat says:

          True dat.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Yeah, but don’t forget:
          Of the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the truth, Julia (Allison) Baugher only tells the ho truth.

    • JFA says:

      Amen, sister.

      This is also a cautionary tale to SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IMMINENT EVENTS IN YOUR LIFE on twitter. Because then you look like a stupid asshole when they don’t work out. Really, her life’s work is basically being a cautionary tale about how not to act in any given situation.

      • blame it on the bray says:

        “Really, her life’s work is basically being a cautionary tale about how not to act in any given situation.”


      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey of Repugnance says:

        Donkey, talking about recent personal events is seldom a good idea. I know you think “lifecasting” makes you the best memoirist evar, but take note on how it’s done by a real pro: Mark Twain and his 100 year delay.

    • KingKiang says:

      The woman specializes in truth massage. I don’t know if it was a “real” date, or a case of the guy happened to be flying in from NY and said something like, Yeah, maybe we can get together at [X restaurant] if I don’t get in too late, I’ll let you know. Then she went there. Then he was like, eh, I’m going to bed/picked up a hot chick at baggage.

      • Tribune Slingbacks says:

        Agreed. It sounds like his flight got in late, too. Donks: not everyone texts while in the air.

      • Worrisome Pelts is applying to a PhD program in Knitting And Robotics! says:

        Now if he’d wanted a chick *with* baggage he couldn’t have done better (worse?) than Our Donk.

  29. Jacy says:

    This guy’s apologizing on Twitter. Could it be him? He’s semi-cute and from NYC.!/PhilippeKeb

    • Who do you think you are? says:

      I think it’s a solidarity sorry. Like, ‘I’m sorry your cat died’.

    • sad lilly says:

      After reading some of his tweets, this guy seems like a real douche. I like how he encourages JAB to remain her immature/user self in this one.

      @JuliaAllison – Regain sass by staying childish, refusing to age, not taking things seriously – sass stems from innocence and freedom

      • 4chan is my personal army says:

        When I was a kid, sass was rewarded with a Lifebuoy sandwich.

      • blame it on the bray says:

        I think the word he’s searching for is childlike. If the route to sass is through being childish, then I’m pretty sure Julia is already there.

      • Tremendous Liar; Donkey of Repugnance says:

        That’s not even dimestore wisdom.

    • BJ KELLY says:

      I mean, this would explain why she considered it a “blind” date yet knew his character already: THE INTERNET.

  30. amazeballzrealzmoves says:

    Just a little tidbit –
    Julia is no longer on P’cake’s Facebook friends list. The End.

  31. Subsidized Donk Den says:

    JA updated her Facebook status last night, just in case anyone missed her tweet(s) being stood up.

    Dan (I don’t like calling him “Cancer Dan” but w/e) commented: “Maybe he was just 2 hours late to dinner… the jerk.” Now, I tend to veer away from conspiracy theories, esp about how her close friends/family really loathe her because that always seems false to me but….was this a dig at her? For being notoriously late? It seems weird that he’d know exactly how late to dinner the guy was, so it seems more like a sly jab like “oh yeah, Julia, you should be complaining, you showed up to dinner 2 hours late last time!”

    • Subsidized Donk Den says:

      Ack, “tweets about being stood up,” that should say.

    • solidarity cat says:

      That’s definitely how I read it! And good for Dan.

    • Subsidized Donk Den says:


      Julia Allison I was only AN HOUR AND A HALF LATE to that dinner, D. And I kept in touch via text! LOL.
      36 minutes ago

      Wow, unfuckinbelievable.

      • Scooby Don't says:

        And they put her in their wedding party why again?

        Good luck stopping her from ruining that day!

      • Subsidized Donk Den says:

        Just because I still can’t believe this asshole:[img][/img]

        • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

          that Dan, he’s got her number. yet, to reiterate what Scooby Don’t said: And they put her in their wedding party why again?

      • Dyspeptic says:

        Whoa, now the social media stood-up vs. extreme lateness column is inevitable. Like lawyers.

      • Sausage Snappers says:

        Ah, so SHE was the one who stood him up. What a fucking bitch.

        • Subsidized Donk Den says:

          No, I get the impression that Dan was addressing her distaste at being stood up by reminding her of a previous time she was 2 hours late to dinner with him. At which point our Donk reminded him that she was ONLY (only!) and hour and a half late to that previous dinner.

      • Jacy says:

        OK, that ties with cheapness for me as being the absolute most vile social sin. You show up 90 minutes late for a dinner party? FUCK. YOU. The work and prep that goes into a dinner party? To have some braying princess breeze in almost two hours late? I doubt I’d let her in the door.

        Bravo Dan. Great call putting her in your wedding party, though, you tool. That oughta be fun for everyone.

  32. Subsidized Donk Den says:

    Oh jesus:

    @jessie_scrunch – I wouldn’t say us getting back together eventually is an impossibility. (

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Well, Donkey, I wouldn’t say the door is open if the facebook view is closed …

    • neverbotoxed says:

      Don’t take it so seriously! She’s friends with all her exes, didn’t you know?!

    • Scooby Don't says:

      Stage 5 Clinger alert!

    • Industrial-Sized Cunt says:

      I’d say it’s about as possible as someone falling in love with you for your warm, caring personality. If I didn’t know she was just an delusional retard, I would read that comment as some serious Fatal Attraction shit. I think I just heard the sound of Pancake’s left nut recede into his body, Cindy chewing up 78 Darvocets like Mentos, Megatits saying “Uhmmmmmmmmmm”, and Daddy Tortureface soiling himself.

  33. Pancakes, The Return: This time It's Personal says:

    @jessie_scrunch- I wouldn’t say us getting back together eventually is an impossibility.

    15 minutes ago

    • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

      nice username.

      • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

        LOL! That username … could it be Donkey’s girlfriend Jack’s friend who sent the (not an AK) “EX-GIRLFRIEND when you break up be nice about it” image?

    • Ridonkulous says:

      “Professional writer” uses double negative. LOL.

  34. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Cunt really irks me.

    JuliaAllison Julia (Allison) Baugher
    Now I’m Runyon Canyon hike bound, then heading up to Glendale to have lunch with my mom, who is in town bc my grandpa is in the hospital.

    Runyon Canyon! Earth Bar! Toph, where are you – I’m here!
    Couch-surfing! Blind dates! Fauxto-opps w/ babies! My ovaries!
    Lunch w/ Mom$er! She knows my best angle (stupid waiters)!

    Useless, selfish Donkey has no purpose for even being in CA & yet while there, she wont’ be bothered to go to the hospital & visit sick Gramps herself? She’s despicable.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      Julia (Allison) Baugher shouldn’t even be allowed to refer to the man as ‘my grandpa’, she’s so inconsiderate of him & only makes reference to him if she thinks it will garner her some attn &/or sympathy. ‘Mom$er’s dad’ or nada.

      • Headband Whore says:

        I find her lack of real affection/love toward her family one of the sadness things about her. Maybe her family isn’t that out and out loving to one another, so she’s not the only one, but as someone who grew up being SUPER close to her grandmother (who basically helped raise me), I just kant understand how blase she is about her sick grandfather.

        Ugh, she’s just a horrible person. With a stupid face.

        • Industrial-Sized Cunt says:

          Well if your family was the only thing standing between you and millions of dollars in Fuck-You inheritance money, you’d be callous too! right? wait..

          Honestly, today has been kinda boring so far but the way she just casually drops the fact that her grandfather was flown from Chicago to a specialty hospital in the same town she is in of all places and she hasn’t seen him, mentioned him or anything? And she’s just dating/berating fucking losers and running on a hill for 5 hours like it’s So Fucking Special And No I Don’t Have A Disorder and twatting out shouts to cream-filled “SAINTS” and doing me-eatings that’s nothing more than some throw-back SITC fantasy you are still trying to make happen, except of talking about sex & men you talk about weddings THAT WILL NEVER FUCKING HAPPEN TO YOU CUZ WHAT MAN WILL WANT YOU IN HIS LIFE MORE THAN A MONTH?

          Well you are just the king of all cunts lately Julie. You are feral and should be put down.

          • Pelt-a-Polozza says:

            Agree! What an evil person. Her mom is VISITING Grandpa, Julia is just going to have lunch with her Mom. What a cow. Wouldn’t it make her Mom feel great if she could pull herself away from husband hunting to visit her sick Grandpa?

            She is so selfish. The psycho is off the charts.

          • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

            she really is a monster.

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            & back when Mom$er was packing up Gramps house, when she had to do that all alone & was sad, WhereTF was Donkey? No srsly, I don’t recall. I know it was discussed here RE: the gaping wide-stance cunt being her usual selfish poseur that she had important fauxtoshoots or some shit …

          • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

            truly an asshole. why is gramps in a hospital in LA, when last summer and fall he was living with the baughers, and they apparently sold the glendale house?

            don’t remember what julia was doing in NY in september, but i’m sure it was something pointless and selfish (“covering” fashion week perhaps?)

          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            When I left for college, my grandparents moved back to LA, to a house in Glendale, where my grandfather still lives, a block away from my Uncle & Aunt.’

            MORE shitty writing by Julia (Allison) Baugher: Failing to make ANY connection between the timing of those two events. Their move from one CA locale to another CA locale has zip, zilch, nada to do w/ the lost year at Indiana before Dad$er bought her a degree from that other joint. She’s GOT to make it about her. Always. But I digress …

            So Gramps is 93-years-old! And hospitalized! And Donkey has galloped around the base of Runyon Canyon 1-2 X a day every day this week in hopes of spotting Toph, but she hasn’t been to see Gramps, who may not be much longer for this world. She’ll go muzzle in on a free meal w/ Mom$er, who she has already spent what, about 30-45 days of this year with, but she doesn’t have the good grace & compassion to go to him?

            No amount of plastic surgery will ever undo the ugly that is Julia (Allison) Baugher; she’s a fucking cockroach.

    • My nostrils are TOTALLY symmetrical Oo says:

      For some reason this reminds me of when Becky Ann Lehman shows up to the hospital with chocolates to give to the bulimic Mt Rose queen in Drop Dead Gorgeous. Personally motivated hospital visits/grasping for sympathy. She wants someone to text/tweet/email “OMG your gpa is sick!?”.

      Spoiler: They won’t.

      • batshitbonkersdonkerscrazy says:

        I will never the donkey. She literally turns my stomach. Just like this girl in my office who is very needy for attention. Yesterday was her birthday and she was having Baugher moments all day. She is almost 40, how the hell one acts like a tween and needs to be showered with attention 24/7 is beyond me. I literally pulled one of my co-workers aside and said “you see that there (points to JAB wannabe), all of that mess.. it is EXHAUSTING to watch, the person doing it has got to be exhausted too.. no?”
        she tied a pink balloon to her wrist and left it there all day so no one would not miss the “opportunity” to wish her happy birthday.


      • Powerful Moms and Fantastic Sons (aka Cindy McCain's Medicine Cabinet) says:

        I thought her grandfather lived with them in Chicago? I don’t even have my bachelors yet in donkology, so I could be totally wrong though.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          He did for while, & then mysteriously, he hasn’t been mentioned again until today … I wonder if he requested to be in the home of another relative? Staying at the Baugherville Holibray Inn must be comparable to an insane asylum …

      • Psycho Shiller Qu'est-ce que Bray says:

        Please tell me someone else sees the resemblance between Rambo and the anorexic beauty queen. I’m not even being snarky about her body issues. Furreal.

    • ICrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

      Wonder where her mom is staying? Presumably not on someone’s couch. Maybe, just maybe, grandpa once called JABa out as the spoiled and disrespectful cretin that she is and FORBIDS HER FROM EVER DARKENING HIS DOOR AGAIN! So? Momsers comfortable in the her family’s home, JABa on a couch elsewhere?

    • Jacy says:

      What The Fuck. She’s in L.A. for no reason at all but can’t be bothered to go see her grandfather in the hospital? I will never the Donkey.

      • Jacy says:

        You take that back!! She saw him, she cried in her mother’s arms, she’s heading to Randi’s and feeling grateful.

        • Dr. Gary says:


          @JuliaAllison: Driving to LAX to fly to San Francisco. Still thinking about everything my mom said. Grateful I got to say goodbye. Grateful for everything.

          Cuntia Cuntison Cunter!

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          She *saw* him?
          Color Me Doubtful.

          After Donkey read here & realized what the powerful moms of the Kenilworth Union Deballage Fashion Show or the Deballed Sons Kennel Row or the WTFever who use Google will find out soon enough that Julia (Allison) Baugher has a muzzle seven X the size of her cold little black black heart, she had Mom$er call the hospital (Donkey sure as hell doesn’t know Gramps rm#) after she (Momser, natch) paid the lunch tab so that Donkey could bray at him for 11.5 seconds before she had to run off to OMG! Randi!’s house.

        • Sausage Snappers says:

          It’s all about Julia and her tears, not her DYING GRANDFATHER!

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Julie NEVER READS HERE…but she just twatted this:

      @JuliaAllison: Just said goodbye to my grandpa for what will likely be the last time. Cried in my mom’s arms. She said, “Ends are what make life precious.”

      I. Just. Kant.

      Your grandpa is in LA, sick + possibly dying in the hospital? And your mom is out here, too? You should be supporting your family. Helping your mom deal with her sick dad. Going to the hospital every day, spending time with grandpa before he’s gone.

      THAT should be the ONLY reason you’re in LA.

      What you SHOULDN’T BE DOING? Running around worrying only about yourself, per usual. Hooking up blind dates, couch surfing, hiking, sucking up to anyone you think can do something for you.

      You disgust me, Jackal Abalone Baboon.

      THIS is why people hate you.

  35. Scooby Don't says:

    From the Julia archives:
    June 27, 2006 Breaking Up Is Hard to Do – Especially if You Still Have to Use the Same Toilet
    Lots of interesting bits of Julia’s version in there but given her present situation, the icing on the cake for me is contained in the last lines:


    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      You stop that right now! Julia (Allison) Baugher is friends w/ ALL THE EXES!

      friend / frend / n.
      Someone who doesn’t send orders of protection in the form of legal injunctions by which a court prohibits an individual from harassing, threatening, or even approaching, accosting, calling, e-mailing, texting …

  36. Industrial-Sized Cunt says:

    Continuing the over the top cuntitude…..

    …..Picture of the broken umbrella from the bachelorette party…..
    seaofteeth 3 days ago
    why would you publish this? it seems so tacky and passive aggressive.

    juliaallison [Moderator] 3 days ago in reply to seaofteeth
    Lol – that just goes to show that you see what you want. I actually thought the view was nice! You’re reading into it, babe.

    • 4chan is my personal army says:

      If her coverage of the bachelorette weekend is any indication of how she would handle being Tweeter of Honor, I think we can safely assume she will NEVER EVER be asked to provide her services.

      She would make a great Twit of Honor, but who the hell wants that at their wedding?

  37. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    I got to playing w/ That can be
    my next tweet!
    since Donkey has provided so much maniacal material of late (highlights are my emphasis on funnier bits) & FFS, I ran ’em all together.

    The Voice. Anyone know WHERE I haven’t had I cried earlier today? Time for Pisces Gemini rising then. I have morality clauses for office this month? Because: I’m not the best wedding season this weekend! Meeting w my rental car. Three hour drive to be better re: my life. Flight just voted! In 2009, more time: No one of the odd part – Dr. Kralj at people’s faces. – um … perplexing. So whats new book with Two Julias the next Chairman of Psychology Today. Mom: Langdon is in decisions he needs to Runyon Canyon hike! You know WHERE I said it. Courage is hosting a hotel near LAX for Me. Just landed in bikinis. Advice from A friend of me. – Maureen Dowd on file. The text silence. WTF?! So whats new in politics who wear different hued heels? – One of the breakup yet. Sort of shitty. Welcome back together eventually is cracking me just emailed me. Yesterday it exceptionally difficult to be a TEENY bit more thrilling. Headed me to the hospital. Also, gentlemen? No one gets over to 3:17 on the Miss Just Arrived back on S Michigan Ave in those ads!!! Advice from A big thank you would assume he DROVE IT IN THERE! Don’t know how much better re: my column -! That’s the cowboy hat of the name of just stopped by the bride: Why do the lovely Miss this year? Landed in the hospital. Woke up Cupcake The text didn’t cancel! If people will be in the odd part, – Hugo? Landed in Chicago from A big thank you should definitely do? I have happened. First date karaoke can hang! Battling insomnia. Losing. I know which you there an hour drive to? – if you were awesome! This is the motley crew of the blind date. He thought of you! And when planning a green juice my people automatically got the Fashion Week comes out, because! Look what you hear is the other Julia being stood up – I was in bikinis. Advice from Audible. First date every month be gravely, gravely disappointed. They are easy. It had a point. Definitive proof obtained tonight: I really skeevy. Guy: No, it’s deadlocked.

    • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

      First date karaoke can help spread the WHAT?! – this morning. It’s ballsy!

      • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

        – my new DVF romper. Borderline inappropriate ; I think we decided it is!

        – Julia Allison is in LA, now tweet the beach? It is in from Squadron 25. Oy.

        First date. It’s … perplexing. So … Brunch with beautiful, intelligent, amazing interior designer in!

        I are easy. It had this month is so ridiculously brilliant, I are easy. It has become another piece of?

        Woke up neigh-dog?! Nobody wants to be greeted by the ashram in Chicago.

        Where is bi-polar / certifiably insane. Leaving for STANDBY. That just a first date.

        Happy Memorial Day weekend to the war zones of fear, moving walkway. Oh, yes, I need to the name now!!

        Definitive proof obtained tonight: I know you’re right there? That’s a place to the amaze-ballz digital?

        (love this game; can’t stop!)

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          It IS addicting!

          Mom: Langdon that requires dressing as men. I can’t wait for the day I just landed the bike here in.

          Weinergate breaks new month : We solved the same luggage cut off!!! Ughh Missed my dating life, but it’s?

          – You may have character it isn’t my friend. cc Grab your blog for bed. AMAZE-BALLS WHERE.


          Good luck! Combat Vet from Boston! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL POWERFUL MEN OUT THERE: Please just stop by.

  38. Barking Mad says:

    And for today’s sympathy grab:

    juliaallison: Just said goodbye to my grandpa for what will likely be the last time. Cried in my mom’s arms. She said, “Ends are what make life precious.”

    But she doesn’t care enough to stick around and spend some time with him, or support her mother who is LOSING HER FATHER. Of course not.

    juliaallison: Driving to LAX to fly to San Francisco. Still thinking about everything my mom said. Grateful I got to say goodbye. Grateful for everything.

    She can’t miss her date with OMGRandi! And whatever other important events she has planned.

    I will never the donkey.

    • Effervescent Suppositories says:

      The unspeakably callous egotism of this reminds me of : “I was inside”

    • Princess WideStance says:

      That’s it. I officially hate this bitch. He’s your fucking GRANDFATHER, you idiot. Show some respect. Oh, you CRIED? Really?? Am I supposed to feel oh so sad for you??

      When the going gets tough, the donkeys get going to lick the taint of Facebook’s sister. “OK bunny, I mean grandpa, sorry about the dying and everything, OMG can you believe I’m going to hang out with Randi Zuckerberg? We’re totally good friends. Well, you’d know who that was if you weren’t so old. K, byeee!”

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Seriously, out of all the horrible, despicable, cunty things Julie has ever done? This has got to be one of the worst.

      REALLY BISH? You’re going to leave your mom all alone when she’s about to lose her father? HOW FUCKING SELFISH ARE YOU? I don’t care if you hate your grandpa with the fires of 1000 suns. You stay for YOUR MOM. Just think of your mom, crying and grief-stricken. You wouldn’t want to be there to comfort and console her? It’s more important to run off to SF and kiss Randi’s ass?


      • Sausage Snappers says:

        I mean I just can’t fucking imagine. I spent so many hours with my mom by my grandmother’s bed as she slowly, God so slowly, was taken from us, mostly for my mom’s sake. It was devastating but that’s what you fucking do. It’s fucking family. They are what is most important. I just kant with this bitch.

        • Ijaveo says:

          When my grandmother died, I spent three days in the hospital. I didn’t go home. The entire family slept there in one room. We were tired and sore and hungry but it didn’t matter because we are FAMILY.

          She is vile, utterly vile.

      • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

        They’re her memories too.

    • Sausage Snappers says:

      How fuck would Julia Allison feel if she one day had a daughter who OBO’d on supporting her next to Dadsers’ death bed? I just kant.

      • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

        this really is the ultimate OBO. jula allison baugher, you are a horrible person.

    • Jordache and the Pelts says:

      I’ve always found Julia’s cavalier attitude towards her grandfather disturbing. (i also don’t appreciate how she minstrelizes her grandmother) I’m actually finding today’s stuff upsetting as I was very close with grandparents and miss them every day. If her grandfather indeed passes away and Julia milks it online she is truly shameless.

      • Jordache and the Pelts says:

        I should amend and say, yeah, Julia has always proven herself to be shameless. But this would be shameless in a cruel, not “sassy” or ignorant way.

    • New Year New You says:

      Eh, Robin Baugher is from whence it stems. If I acted like Donkey in that situation I would be grabbed by the pelts and thrown out of the house. That her parentals allow, excuse and reward her behavior says it all.

      • Jacy says:

        This is what I don’t get. Condolences to Momsers, but why is she having to comfort her histrionic daughter?? Donkey should be comforting her! And why would she be OK with Donk jetting off instead of staying to help her deal with the impending death and ensuing arrangements that are going to have to be made?

        Is this WHY Donk is the way she is, because they have always coddled her this way?

        Or do they coddle her because it’s the only way to get rid of her, and in times of crisis, Donk is the last person Momsers wants around? Has she been a headcase since birth and this is the way they have learned to deal with her?

        Either way it’s fucked up. It’s no-brainer that if one of your grandparents is in the throes and your mother is dealing with it on her own, and you happen to be in the same city, you change your plans and you help out.

        The fact that she didn’t and Momsers doesn’t seem to care is very, very telling.

        • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

          Well said.

          You know what would happen if Allie went out there to comfort & help her mother-in-law? Not to be outdone, Donkey would be up in there a-hand-holding in a NY minute.

    • Sausage Snappers says:

      And you know what is really rich? She’ll see these comments and be like “UGH THAT IS SO NOT THE SITUATION THEY HAVE NO IDEA THE NUANCES OF MUH LIFE” but she just does not understand that we wouldn’t be speculating or talking shit in the first place if she kept this OFFLINE like most people.

  39. K_Swizz says:

    OT and nonsensical but I’m daydrunk so fuck it-

    There is a hole in the window screen in my apartment and bees keep getting in. All I can think of when I look at that pic is “CLOSE YOUR DAMN MOUTH A FREAKING BEE IS GOING TO FLY DOWN YOUR THROAT AND KILL YOU.”

    How many bugs do you think she has swallowed from walking around with her damn jaw unhinged all the time?

  40. Dr. Gary says:


    (thanks to @Industrial-Sized Cunt for the inspiration)

  41. Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

    @JuliasGrandpa: So … I got stood up tonight. Ouch.

    @JuliasGrandpa: Last date. She flew in from Chicago, plane was supposed to land last weekend. She texted at 10:30 from security – she was already on her next flight to SF. Then … text silence. WTF?!

    @JuliasGrandpa: She didn’t even text to say “I’m sorry, I can’t make it tonight.” Nothing.

    @JuliasGrandpa: Normally something like this wouldn’t bug me as much, but I’m kind of dying here. Sort of feels like getting kicked while you’re down.

  42. How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

    Julia (Allison) Baugher can’t be bothered to go see her own grandfather, in the hospital & likely on his deathbed because WHY? Because there isn’t a make-up artist & a whoredrobe person & fauxtographer or three there waiting for HER.

    But hey …
    Donkey has all the time in the world to straddle any ol’ random geezer for a publicity stunt! That makes you a hated Publicity Cunt, Julia (Allison) Baugher. You fucker.

    • Vomming tots says:

      She looks like Gina Gershon’s doppelganger. Like that episode of friend where there was Ross and Russ. She’s Russ.

  43. Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

    Nice to see she’s worrying about some iPhone technical issue now that she’s said good-bye to Grand-dad and left Momsers on her own to deal.

    She did this when her maternal grandmother died too, does anyone remember? She had one sobby Tweet about having just hung up from Momsers, who’d given her the bad news, then within an hour was bitching about how cold it was in Boston, which is where she was at the time, I believe.

    I cannot find mention of it in the archives, yet I remember it pretty clearly and thought I did a post on it. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

    • Donktor Idiotbox says:

      You KNOW that Momsers parents aren’t flushed with cash. If it were the Baugher grandma she wouldn’t leave her side.

      I am truly speechless about how hideous she is.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      It was in the fall of ’08, so pre-dated RBNS, so I guess I am remembering someone noticing it in the Gawker comments.

      • featherbrained says:

        Yup. I remember. Her entire family was in Boston, I think?, for the funeral and she couldn’t make it and she posted a long justification on her former blerg about it (I believe).

        • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

          Here’s how I remember it: I think she was in Boston for some pointless thing but Momsers was definitely in California for her death, the funeral, etc. And Donk blogged — think this was before she was Tweeting — some stupid melodramatic thing and then less than an hour later was bitching about something so trivial, the mind boggled. I wish I could dig it out and find it but I think the Gawker commenters went to town on her so she went back and deleted the posts.

          I can always count on you, TJ! You have your Masters in Donkology!

    • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

      you’re right, she was in Boston the day after her grandmother died, celebrating Dadser’s 60th. but there couldn’t have been an RBNS post about it, because this was in Oct. 2008.
      but here’s baugher from Dec of that year… and how little has changed (in julia’s world at least).

  44. featherbrained says:

    Guys, she’s a “Gop-er with a liberal attitude.” ROFL. I die! I truly just…Donkey Kant even with this one.


    • Donktor Idiotbox says:

      all i see is felon’s claw all over

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      My paternal grandmother is the Last Republican Standing.

      Nov 17, 08 2:15am
      Me: I think grandmother is aghast at most of what I’ve done.
      Cousin: Well, keep in mind this is the woman who said she’d disown any grandchild (or child) who voted for Obama.
      Me: HAHAH. She’s going to have to disown all of us, I’m guessing.

    • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

      I just noticed the contrived date on that letter …

      Sure, Donkey. Suuuurrrre

      • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

        eh, she says that is her friend’s birthday (this was written in a book she gave him that year). but with donks, the assumption is that everything is a lie.

        also, i feel like her handwriting used to be different (based on the above).

        • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:



          • How Brayella Got Her Hoove Back says:

            Funny you mention the handwriting being different … I coincidentally thought just the opposite when I saw the book annotation w/ those “y”s that have the molehill riser at the very bottom. Then you posted the post-it, which obviously doesn’t have those.

            I see what’s going on & I do that; I write differently between cursive & printing. Also, the same letters I take more time w/ in printing I will do the fancier way on them in cursive if & when they’re the capital letter. I am just now realizing this, BTW.

  45. Dear Heart says:

    Julia Allison is a disgusting, evil witch.

    Her justification for not staying is that there isn’t a bedroom? Her parents are fucking loaded. Get a hotel room. They’ll pay for it.

    If it were a matter of smothering her grandfather with a pillow herself or not seeing Facebook’s sister (Who I PROMISE she only maintains a friendship with because she fantasizes about having an affair with Mark).

    Just because your Mom says, “Oh, go be with your friends” doesn’t mean she could use the support of her daughter right now.

    Julia, you are an awful, selfish and loveless person who deserves every bit of the considerable unhappiness in your fraudulent life. Go to hell.

Comments are closed.