Julia Allison Realized She Forgot About The Black People

My, has Julia had a busy day! Julia Allison, fresh off commenting on the beautifully emaciated Duchess of Cambridge, spent the entire day subtly bragging all over her kingdom of fructose and tears. First, she coyly mentioned her having the need to join the Screen Actors Guild by publicly posing a question that could easily have been answered privately by her agent or her failed actor friend — looking forward to Final Destination 5, Miles! Then she spent some time bragging that she signed up for what essentially amounts to a continuing education course. Then, I assume, she clomped her way over here — presumably to see what we called her knees today, and, well, just for shits and giggles, I’m going to call them “husky” — and saw that we not so astutely pointed out that, by essentially remarking on the somewhat unnerving litheness of some chick who bagged a balding rich dude, she essentially called our much more accomplished and awesome First Lady a slovenly fat ass to whom no one should aspire.

The oversight and inadvertent insult can be forgiven. Michelle Obama is BLACK after all, in case you haven’t noticed, and Julia Allison is completely unaware that black people exist unless they have a congressional seat or are serving her corn. And while we can forgive her, Julia Allison can barely forgive herself for allowing her insane food and body image issues make her a little bit racist, so she posted this odd entry which stuck out on her blog like her weiner when it’s hard.

Whoa. These two power couples look pretty striking here, don’t they!?

“Striking”? I’d be more inclined to describe this photograph as “staged.” I’m more amused that she described Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip and President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama as power couples. Sure the president and his wife are powerful people, but this isn’t Us Magazine, it’s the president of the UNITEDFUCKINGSTATES. What amazes me even more is that, while Julia Allison is twiddling her tweeter over Kate Middleton, she really can’t muster no more than a mundane compliment about Michelle Obama, who looks beautiful here, as always. Why? Because Michelle Obama has a realistic body and doesn’t fit into Julia Allison’s fairy tale princess fantasy on the account of having her own career and accomplishments.

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190 Responses to Julia Allison Realized She Forgot About The Black People

  1. solidarity cat says:

    Ashton!

  2. ks says:

    Ashton, how can we all just get along?

  3. Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

    Why are people still being brown? Aren’t they exhausted?

  4. F-List Red Carpet says:

    I’m glad Julia is taking improv classes, but but “get in” she means “signed up.”

    You have to audition for the Second City’s conservatory program, which is competitive and the program comedians you’ve heard of came out of.

    Because Second City is a business, they’re happy to take money from random people who want to try improv. You don’t “get in.” You simply sign up. The audition process is your credit card clearing.

    So again, there’s a lie built in to show off. Even for something this small. She. Is. Fucking. Crazy.

    • Pink Palatian says:

      On her blergh, she claimed that she meant that she got in off the waiting list, not that she applied. But whatever. You know that she was hoping people would think the latter.

    • Dyspeptic says:

      “The audition process is your credit card clearing.”

      Or, in this case, Dad$ers credit card clearing.

      • AFGHANI says:

        Dad$ter’s CC has been clearing a lot lately. Donkey’s union membership (so she can get health insurance), Donkey’s improv classes, Donkey back living a the omgdowntowncondo and using dadster’s spare car, etc, etc.

        • Ridonkulous says:

          Is she actually back at the OMGdowntown condo? Based on what she’s shared so far (Iphone weather reports for Wilmette, doggy beach walks, dadsers mowing the lawn, etc.) it looks as though she’s moved back to the lakeside manse.

          Back in the home she grew up in and probably sleeping down the hall from gramps, who also needs special attention and care. Patheti-sad.com.

          • Pink Palatian says:

            She mentioned that she was “visiting” Wilmette for the weekend.

          • A-Game Content says:

            But… but… it’s Wednesday!? Oh, to live in such a bubble that mid-week lazing at the ‘sers’ home could be considered a weekend visit.

          • Albie Quirky says:

            Yes, she said she was “heading out to her parents’ place” as though she wasn’t already living with her parents in the Down(low)town Condo.

          • Theraplease says:

            @Albie Quirky
            Well she doesn’t live WITH them in the condo. She rents it (subsidized, so let’s call it $1/mo) from her dad.

            $100 says the only reason she went home for some facetime is to bat her eyes and ask for money. It just doesn’t work the same over the phone, does it Julai?

          • Albie Quirky says:

            That’s right, I had forgotten about the pretendy rent deal for the condo!

    • 4chan is my internet hugbox says:

      Her “getting in” to Second City reminded me of a joke I heard recently, but I can’t remember the source:

      – My son just got into DeVry University.

      – What’d he have to do? Open the door?

      🙂

      • EinsteinJulia says:

        Re: Devry – My younger brother was good with computers in the late 90s, decided he was content making $20/hr and wouldn’t go to college. I convinced him to go to Devry (since it’s only 2.5 years) so maybe he’d make $35/hr. Fast forward to now, he’s RAKING in the cash working for a major search engine and my prestigious 4 year degree has gotten me… um, far less than half his salary.

        I will never, ever joke about Devry.

  5. Tinkle says:

    the queen is a midget

    • Albie Quirky says:

      She’s about 100 years old; she’s probably a good four inches shorter than she was when she took the throne.

      I love the Queen because she looks exactly like one of my grandmothers. Down to her giant handbags and frumpy frumpy shoes that showcase her thick-stockinged cankles.

      Prince Philip, on the other hand, looks like Dracula at this point.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Also love that he is ogling the FLOTUS boobage in that photo. He was pretty renowned in his day for being a player, is all I’m saying.

        • It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

          If there was a cartoon cloud over his head, we’d see however it is that motorboat sounds are spelled out.

  6. AFGHANI says:

    OT, but a run-down of the non-activity at the non-business:

    – TJ hasn’t blogged at NS in almost 6 weeks
    – Brant hasn’t blogged in well over 6 months
    – Brant’s bitchy bride blogs mostly just to plug her other endeavors
    – Crystal hasn’t blogged in 3 weeks. She was blogging once or twice a week, 90%+ about her OMGwedding and random stuff she wanted to buy
    – Melissa has blogged once since February (she blogged a quote, that’s it)
    – Meghan (scarf designer) has blogged once since February (a quote)
    – Arax makes Julia, Meghan, Mary, and Jordan look deep and insightful. Seriously, reading her blog lowers your IQ almost instantly.
    – Lindsay, 4 posts in last 20 days, absolutely no content, just pictures/links/reblogs. This makes her a social media mama, right?

    Also, the cheerleader who was supposed to join NS never arrived. Ummm errrr, oops?

    Anyone else inspired to LIVE DIFFERENTLY now? I know I am.

    • Katrina's Groundbreaking Thesis says:

      That amounts to some serious F-U money!!! Hee haw all the way to the bank!

      • AFF says:

        Hee haw, indeed.

        http://bigthink.com/juliaallison#!video_idea_id=5897
        (The “fuck you money” clip)

        • Stage5clinger says:

          I cannot watch that clip without hysterically belly laughing – I think it might be her most embarrassing clip ever and that is saying a lot. You could string a bunch of random unrelated sentences together and it would make more sense. I was really trying to follow but it was just a frightening look into her seriously addled brain. Thank god for this video because it gave birth to so many RBNS/RBD memes. Please never leave the internet, Julia, I beg of you.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey of Repugnance says:

      Hopes for NS went from “fuck you money” to “fuck you, money”

      • F. Scott Bitchgerald says:

        You win.

      • Jacy says:

        Hilarious.

      • Lilly's Long Island Sitter says:

        Or:

        “Julia, fuck you”
        — money

        • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

          *dead*

        • Bouncing Little Burro says:

          win!

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey of Repugnance says:

          Hilarious.

          Quick rant on Donkey education:
          So many Donk gems in that 90 second clip. Especially like how she admits that she wants to go to Harvard pretty much exclusively so she can tether their prestige to her name, because “her industry” is “all about perception and presentation,” and by implication she’s saying it’s not about content, merit, or expertise. Donkey, it isn’t Harvard’s insufferable elitism that makes them good and prestigious; it’s the fact that despite their insufferable elitism they’re really passionate about what they do and they’re really fucking good at it. No wonder they told Donkey to go fuck herself.

          Where does this “fuck you credential”-grubbing Donkey fit in? At a for-profit diploma mill.

  7. Albie Quirky says:

    First, she coyly mentioned her having the need to join the Screen Actors Guild

    Such a transparent humblebrag. She didn’t even need to join AFTRA to do occasional commentaries on a local newsmagazine show! Does she think that everyone in the world is as clueless about how actual professional media work as she is?

  8. JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

    Now that she doesn’t have to toe the McCain company line she’s back to loving the geighs! Just in time for San Fran and Greasy Bear!

    • solidarity cat says:

      She is so hilariously offensive.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey of Repugnance says:

      Are her political views going back to “very liberal” on Facebook, or will she finally accept her true political beliefs and list “fascism”

      • Dr. Gary says:

        ‘will she finally accept her true political beliefs and list “fascism”

        LOL

        (thank God my fellow cat ladies still make me laugh)

  9. Princess WideStance says:

    Day-yum, Mrs. O. You have more elegance in one gloved hand than in our entire donkey.

  10. neverbotoxed says:

    She’s talking about the gays in addition to the black people:

    “YAY!!!!!! Chicago’s first same sex weddings! I wish I were here that day – I would attend and cheer, loudly, in rainbow colors.”

    Seriously, Julia? Fuck off. It’s not like you give a shit beyond tacky costumes.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey of Repugnance says:

      IMO, Julia’s sexual orientation stereotypes are much worse and further from the norm than her comparatively mild racism.

    • Tremendous Liar; Donkey of Repugnance says:

      Julia, good thing you weren’t there. One glance at any drag queen in attendance would shatter your fragile psyche. She’d be prettier, and people would be commenting on how you aren’t passing too well.

    • Tinkle says:

      don’t u have 2b invited 2 go 2 a wedding, even a gay one?

      • Pancakes with a side of Pancakes with a side of of cray cray says:

        NO! All the gays love rainbows ALLLLL THE TIMMMMMMEEE!!

        God, she is so awful.

        • NorseHorse, Literally. says:

          I am a geigh who is not fond of rainbow flags, just for aesthetic reasons. As David Sedaris said, “I must have been out of the country when we took the vote on that one”.

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      I would attend (for no other reason but being wedding-obsessed, and then LITERALLY tear up, hysterically) and cheer, loudly, (because I need the attention since the event in and of itself would be a huge deal and everyone should focus on meeee) in rainbow colors (because I support my gays! All of them! Ryan Duhryus and A-List *WhereDidHeGo* TJ!).”

      She’s an idiot. Is this just another ploy to get Pancake’s attention, since nothing else she’s doing seems to be working? I don’t think she’d even bother mentioning it otherwise.

    • Brianna says:

      Yes, this is exactly what you want at the lovely wedding you’ve fought long and hard to be legally able to have, the wedding you’ve invited your friends and family and all those who’ve supported you during the long hard battle for equality, the wedding you’ve dreamed about for years, where you can finally freely be in the spotlight during a ceremony that has been legally denied you for far too long – a total stranger braying loudly, in garish bright stereotypical ‘gay pride’ clothing, waving her hands about and causing a spectacle!

      Yes, that is exactly what you’d want at your landmark, hard fought for wedding.

    • 4chan is my internet hugbox says:

      How does she get it so effing wrong Every. Damn. Time? Her obsequious comment and pathetic attempt at humor just HAD to include a stereotype about The Gays.

      Typical of the Donkey to hijack attention from a wedding — any wedding — to get all eyes on her.

      Hey, look, it’s Rainbow Jesus!

      [img]http://i56.tinypic.com/x29tsy.jpg[/img]

  11. Dr. Gary says:

    I am officially bored by Julie.

    You know what’s worse than offending people, or pissing them off? Boring them. I’ve watched The Julie Show since season one. And sadly? I think it’s jumped the shark. Time to fire the writers and come up with some fresh material. ‘Cause mama is b-o-r-e-d.

    Although, I will pay $20 to anyone who can provide a video of Julie performing in an improv class. It would be *pure comedy gold*.

    *yawns. wanders away to see if there are any Cheetos left.*

    p.s. Michelle Obama looks absolutely gorgeous in that photo.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      Seriously, we are in reruns. Didn’t she go to the ashram last season around this time?

      • Ashram Andy says:

        ix-nay. IX-NAY! Our lawyers have instructed us, as you well know by now, to DENY this ever happened!! So stop bringing it up already!

        Namaste,
        Brother Andrew

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        Why did she delete the mention of the ashram do you think?

        • Ashram Andy says:

          We use Reputation Defender.

        • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

          Oh she did, didn’t she?

        • Big Head Fraud & the Blondsters says:

          Maybe it was make-jealous-bait directed at FlapJack?

          Didn’t Donkey supposedly spend Thanksgiving at the ashram instead of w/ her fami£y, which was probably code for a bangfest w/ him?

          • ShesJustStupid says:

            Maybe she goes to the ashram because she can’t crash for a week straight on anyone’s couch? but she doesn’t want her readers to know that. Also, I think she’s learned her lesson about tweeting these travel things (theynever disappear on friendfeed) and blogs them so she can edit.

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      Me too. I can’t even muster the faux outrage anymore.

    • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

      Yes, but if my memory is correct doesn’t she always do this a hot-second before she goes completely nuts? Like over the top? I just can not see her letting this whole McCain love story drift into oblivion.
      I think there’s a big ole’ cray-cake in the making.

      • KashMoney says:

        i think the isolation of the ashram ramps up the craziness. no distractions from the inner loon.

        • Tremendous Liar; Donkey of Repugnance says:

          Yes! If you’re just not an introspective person, courting solitude won’t help you reflect; it will drive you insane (in Donk’s case, moar insane).

  12. watch your back tina fey says:

    Long time lurker, first time commenter.
    I just wanted to say that I’m 19 years old and I’m kind of grateful the Donk exists. How else would I know exactly what to not do in my twenties to make sure I end up a stable (for the most part) 30 year old.

    • F. Scott Bitchgerald says:

      Just remember to never the donkey in your 20s.

    • Jacy says:

      My niece is 20 and she and all her friends watch The Donk Show and howl with both delight and contempt. She represents everything they don’t want to be. Their favorite JA moment, by the way, was the head-to-toe in Germany when she wore the red sausage casings and boasted about her freshwater pearls and said she couldn’t wear the same thing twice because she was a “media personality.” They laugh and laugh and laugh about that.

      • Shamoo£ia says:

        Awesome. I’m glad The Youngs aren’t all impressionable idiots. I felt sorry for Fatty Greer, Scary Mandolph, Megan’s sister and all the other pitiful “interns” that were so easily impressed with Julie’s bullshit back in the day.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      Never, ever, ever the donk.

      If I could send a back-in-time message to my 19 year old self, the one thing I would tell her would be to do what you want to do, not what other people think you should do (or worst of all, what you think other people think you should do). I tied myself up in knots for a long time trying to be someone else and hating myself when I failed, which was always.

      Donkerina is a great public object lesson in why that is a thankless and crazysauce path to follow. This is how she is helping All The Girls.

  13. ShesJustStupid says:

    So it looks like she spent most of yesterday trying to feel better about herself and attempting to impress her “audience.” ACTOR’S UNION, ADMISSION TO CLASSES! TRAVEL! This kind of stuff usually means she feels like shit.

    Her statements about gays are offensive and really show how clueless she is about anything outside of her experience. She’s so insecure, she has to put everything in its neat little box so she can deal with it. Gays = rainbows/glitter.

    In other news, I also find it really stupid that she’s going back to that ashram in upstate new york (if this is true). Is this the only ashram in the US? She couldn’t branch out a little and find a retreat somewhere else? GOD, she’s so uncreative it hurts.

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      Did her plans change because the asshram isn’t listed in her itinerary anymore.

      You nailed it – pulling an all nighter humblebragging usually means she’s self soothing and feeling shitty. Next up: posting her online shopping sprees!

      This bitch is getting boooooring.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      There are some amazing retreat centers in the Chicago area. All my Chicago peeps are very spiritual types and always going to these cool meditation centers/Zen monasteries/yoga camps/whatevs.

      The Donk is such a creature of habit. Hub51, bunnies!

    • 4chan is my internet hugbox says:

      Holy cats, doesn’t the clown car of crazy she calls a brain have a neutral gear? One minute she’s weeping and making a donkey-shaped perma-dent in her parents’ couch. The next, she’s maniacally scheduling cross-country flights, ashram visits, comedy classes, and TV appearances.

      You just know she’ll donk out on 75% of all that shit to which she’s just committed herself. She should commit herself to a psych ward, instead.

  14. ShesJustStupid says:

    Also? She’s been up all night. Blog post at 4:30 AM, last tweet about 10 minutes ago.

  15. Jacy says:

    Brilliant post, JP. Is it SO HARD to point out that Michelle Obama, six feet tall and normally sized, is stunning? She is the only person I truly saw when I looked at all those photos yesterday, she stood out so beautifully.

    If she were a six-foot tall whitey with long flowing brunette (pelty) hair wearing the same Kate Spade-ish styles that she favours so much, do you suppose Donk would be utterly silent about her in favour of Duchess Bonerack?

    I really don’t think so.

  16. Lilly's Long Island Sitter says:

    I give Julia a pass on the racist thing.

    She doesn’t see race. She only sees money and status.

    • juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

      Oh, I think she is a little bit racist, and that that racism is tied to status. But really, if you want to argue status in this situation, shouldn’t we argue that the President of the United States has more status than some chick who married into an antiquated, increasingly irrelevant system (when one speaks of power)?

      • Lilly's Long Island Sitter says:

        JP, I had to go back and check my work. Here’s the updated formula for how Julia Allison sees the world:

        (money x status) / BMI = OMG!!!

        I forgot to account for the “tiny and cute” factor. Michelle Obama has money and status, sure, but it’s unfortunately dwarfed by an unfavorable BMI in Julia’s warped mind.

        Also, Julia’s not at all impressed by Obama’s status since she’s basically his speech writer.

  17. diluted brain says:

    “Julia Allison: It’s amazing the little things that sting like hell post-breakup … like filling out a Change of Address form for your mag subscriptions.”

    I cannot believe she changed her magazine subscriptions. I also cannot believe she posts this publicly to twitter. I move in 2 weeks and haven’t even changed my magazine subscriptions yet.

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      I don’t even think she changed her magazine subscriptions the first time – I think she just went out and giddily bought a bunch of new subscriptions because it probably gave her some kind of sick high to fill out his address as hers. She crowsourced about it a while back. It sure came back to bite her in the raft ass though.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        Some brilliant catlady suggested on the last post that she had ordered all the bride mags. I cannot stop laughing at my mental image of Pancakes opening the door and being avalanched by a pile of wedding porn taller than he is.

    • Big Head Fraud & the Blondsters says:

      So why is a social media tech expert subscribing to print mags anyway? Wasn’t she recently braying that all print material is destined to go by the wayside? Does she need someone to Google URL’s of her mags online sites for her so that this address-change BS no longer interferes w/ her peripatetic couch-surfing & all night cyber-stalking?

      • LEFOOLIEH says:

        Doesn’t she also have a kindle, an ipad, an iphone, and web subscriptions galore that none of this is even necessary? If she did it at all, I think it’d be just like her to “forget” to cancel one or two so Jack can keep getting magazines with her name on them in the mail – TO REMIND HIM OF WHAT WAS – and to mark her territory should any new ladyfriend come to frequent the Coronado condo. Instead, he’ll be relieved to have dodged a bullet and dump that mess in the trash. Although, if he does that, she’ll have a reason to contact him! “Sorry to bother you (not), but did you receive my Vanity Fair? I could’ve SWORN I changed the address with all my other subscriptions but it hasn’t been arriving lately.” Anything to get him talking and reopen the communication channels so she can segue into “how have you been” and “I miss you”. I feel like I’ve really figured out the donkosis.

        • Bouncing Little Burro says:

          bingo!

        • juliaspublicist says:

          You can’t underline and write psychotic margin notes on an iPad, silly!

          • LEFOOLIEH says:

            Another idea, she only did a change of address for suggestive titles: wedding magazines, military-focused stuff, things he would’ve been into (proof positive that she was really invested, and also HINT HINT). She needs all the “I am intelligent, worldly, well-read, deep-thinking” material within reach so she can mark it up in the silly way she does and take pics of her *art* to post on the liecast. For ALL THE ALIENATED! I’m waiting on another airplane ride “Fast Company” cover/article shot; I feel like it’s coming because she’s been slobbering in their general direction quite a bit lately.

        • Dr. Gary says:

          miss you, bish!

  18. Natasha says:

    Julia ran out to buy this product immediately.

    http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llr84ktNdh1qbqekao1_400.jpg

    I have no qualms at all about calling her a racist. She is that, and a classist, and more.

    • Another Donkey, Another Stall says:

      Wow, I’m a little ashamed of Dove for that ad. After all the Donk Racism talk, I clicked that link and was trying to figure out what the product was. At first glance it appeared that the “Before” was a curvy black woman, and the “After” was a skinny blonde. My brain screamed, WHY OH WHY would Dove be selling a skin lightening product.

    • darling dearest says:

      I don’t see that the dove product is lightening…it looks like the after photo is less ashy.

      • Albie Quirky says:

        It isn’t a lightening product. The thing is that having the models stand in front of the “before” and “after” captions makes it look like it is at first glance (if you look at the models + captions, rather than focusing on the enlargements of skin in the background).

  19. juliaspublicist cried his rhinestone off juliaspublicist says:

    I never get why she posts her inane travel schedule. It is never followed accordingly.

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      I think it’s a self soothing technique, similar to her online shopping addiction. She makes big exciting travel for the future to avoid her shitty reality.

      • LEFOOLIEH says:

        It’s also for the teeny audience she so stupidly continues alienating in her inability to curtail her braaaaayge over the breakup and her life ~*trajectory*~. She keeps doing the “important bizness laydee! many meetings! travel for work! so busy! up in the air a la George Clooney! verypathetic lifestyle!” song and dance, while everyone watching just shakes their head solemnly #whilst uttering a “chile, please”. Bless her heart.

      • Onehundredcats says:

        Exactly what I meant.

    • Albie Quirky says:

      ::coff::HUMBLEBRAG!::coff::

      I have this one friend who does this on her Facebook with that app that puts a little suitcase up in your status, and it makes me laugh a bit. Even though she actually does do a lot of glamorous work-related travel, plus has friends who love her.

      • Pink Palatian says:

        If she were really worried about her “haters,” she wouldn’t do this. I mean, people seriously being threatened (as she has claimed) wouldn’t let the entire world know their travel plans.

        I personally use the travel plug-in on LinkedIn, because I’m jobless and it’s been helpful to let business connections know when I’ll be certain places. I’ve landed a couple freelance jobs that way. But regularly posting crap like Julia does baffles me…unless you’re writing a year-end retrospective post, I’m not sure how it’s relevant. I guess she sees it as evidence of how fabulous she is, whereas I’m still slightly suspicious she’s, uh, providing “services” in all these places.

    • Onehundredcats says:

      She’s trying to prove she has a life and possibly there are people who want to spend time with her.
      I feel bad for her and the fact she has to make up a busy travel schedule to reassure herself she does have something to do. I used to do this when I was younger and had more energy- every weekend I had to be going somewhere or doing something. No more! I’m more than happy sitting in my basement for 48 hours straight.

    • Theraplease says:

      For the first time I looked at her travel schedule and of course, had a laff. Julia, frequent flier and person-without-a-real-job flies in and out of her destinations on the most expensive (and non-business-related) days: thurs-sunday. When I was working my 40hr/week job and flying to see my lady on weekends, this was the only option. But Julia, who supposedly is flying for business meetings, goes on friday? What business meeting is taking place on a weekend? I am noting in particular this upcoming LA trip, june 10 to 18. I don’t think there is anything in LA besides a single possible TV meating and her walking around crowdsourcing twitter on where she can get her nails done for free. Am I reading too much into this? Probably, but hey, when you post your fucking travel schedule on the internet, people might analyze it.

      Being a Professional Bidness Lady: UR Doing it Wrong
      Saving Money in a tough economy: UR Doing it Wrong
      Hiding the fact you are probably an escort: UR Doing it Wrong

      • Big Head Fraud & the Blondsters says:

        That *escort* speculation sure seems plausible …

        [img]http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kx56imu6O21qz6dlko1_400.jpg[/img]

        & THIS does nothing to dispel the rumor.

        • Big Head Fraud & the Blondsters says:

          BTW, just noticed that Donkey fauxto-chopped (out) the snags in her fishnet stockings (look at her cankles) but left in her peen.

          • LEFOOLIEH says:

            She also missed the telltale “ur doin it rong” seam right by the vamp of her lie-SLs.

        • Kitler says:

          ACH!! I flashed on der madam at zer House uf Joy in old Berlin! She vielded un saucy little riding crop. Ja! Gut times.

      • Theraplease says:

        Oh I forgot. Some of those trips are for the 3(!) oh-so-important weddings she is attending in June. Obviously such awesomeballz events require a weeks stay. Yes. Because you can’t really get your meddle on and properly destroy a wedding in just a few days.

        Here’s a tip donkey. During the father/bride dance, sit your punk ass down.

      • Dyspeptic says:

        No, no, no, you are forgetting essential LA activities such as brunch, stalking Leven Rambin and hiking in (yoo ho, TK!) Runyon Canyon. There is so much to keep a Donkey busy in Olde Los Angeles.

      • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

        “…single possible TV meating …”

        Hahahahaha *meating* is that a Fruedian slip?? (you know, based on the escort speculation.)
        #I’m13yearsold

        • Big Head Fraud & the Blondsters says:

          A while back it was said that her meetings are “Me Eating” fauxto opss, or something along those lines.

          • Theraplease says:

            That is what I was trying to reference, but I also got it a little mixed up with my nerdy distinctions between Real Life “meatspace” and here.

            #stillstuckinacyberpunknovel

  20. Onehundredcats says:

    O/T and has probably been previously discussed so forgive men.

    When did RBNS begin? I was trying to remember how long I’ve been reading and how the hell I ended up here (meaning this community). I believe it was sometime in 2007 or 08. When I actually used to visit donks blog bc I was in my early 20’s living in NYC and thought her life was awesome (I’ve obviously grown up).
    Maybe gawker brought me here…can’t recall too many joints and drunken nights.

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      It began shortly after Nonsociety launched and their “Question of the Day” feature (the only place you could leave a comment) became a hilarious free for all. You could actually tell exactly when Julia woke up each morning because she’d go in and delete all the negative comments. RBNS started on blogspot, moved over to WP and finally ended up here. I’ve been here since the beginning and have been laughing at this bitch ever since.

      • 4chan is my internet hugbox says:

        QOTD got so bad, they had to get an intern to keep tabs on it. Still, it took months before they realized that their Advice section was rife with garage sale listings, Craigslist-style ads, and hilarious comments on their so-called advice. I used to laugh so hard that my stomach would hurt.

        • Shamoo£ia says:

          Oh my god, I forgot about the “advice” section! That was hilarious!! It was like one big cesspool of Mary’s disordered eating and workout “advice.” Gawd. Good times.

      • bf says:

        I’ve always wondered if Google would have bowed and closed down the RBNS site. Dimes said they wouldn’t have (if nothing else, to leave the bigger fight for someone more worthy)

    • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

      January 2009. before that was baugher (bless her soul).

  21. bitchface says:

    I don’t really look at her FB often, but my gawd bish is crazy

    She changes her profile picture (seasonally?) and has 2,076 pictures – mostly of herself. She has her main album as “headshots”. I am “friends” with a famous model on FB and even she doesn’t have that many goddamned photos of herself ….

    • mcakez is tots hotsy totsy to tie the knotsy says:

      I don’t think MOST celebrities have that many photos. For one thing, they aren’t trying to prove how beautiful and important they are. For that same reason, they know the internet is full of pictures of them, and they don’t need to link every single headshot/paparazzi snap/’I touched a famous person!’ photo. If there is anything that shows what a clueless hick she is, it is her desperate need to post every single snap of her beside anyone even G-list famous.

      • bf says:

        True, and JA doesn’t have 15 fan sites (present company excluded, of course)

        most celeb stuff online is still run by PR flaks anyway

  22. Sweden Is A City In... Oh Wait.... says:

    Agree on the brilliance of this post and am amazed at JP’s encyclopedic memory (The Corn Guy!). Hope it doesn’t keep you up at night.

    With the First Lady’s height and amazing biceps, she could pound JA into the ground like a fence post, and THAT says ‘awesome bod’ to me.

  23. Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

    Then she got fully made up with heels, make up, and a revealing dress. She basically has everything thrown at her for free.

    this sounds very familiar… in fact, i think it could be a direct quote from the nonsociety business plan: 1. be hot 2. be a fameball 3. profit!

    julia calls this “depressing”…orly?!

    • Theraplease says:

      Depressing she didn’t think of it write about it first.

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      It’s twofold. Unsurprising because that used to be her life and modus operandi, depressing because her old schtick – post expiration – isn’t working quite as well as it used to. I mean this is a statement coming from a person who values everyone based on looks, status, wealth and (particularly if lacking in any of the aforementioned categories) what they can do for her. I’m sure if she were in the position where this was still happening to and for her, the response would’ve been a “HAHAHA! SO TRUE!” NOW, however, it’s depressing.

  24. Theraplease says:

    This has gotta be the most racist undoctored photo of Obama I’ve ever seen. Do they make black people wear certain outfits when they visit the Queen so she is more comfortable? Obama looks like one of those lawn jockey statues with his little cape, MC Hammer pants and shit-eating grin. It’s just awful. Then you have the two confused old people. The Queen Mother is trying to remember where she parked her car 25 years ago and the old dude is trying to remember if it’s illegal now to rape a black woman.

    I hope Michelle runs for president next. I like the idea of a beautiful woman who can put other world leaders in a headlock running the country.

    • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

      racist? he’s wearing a tuxedo. it’s what you do. maybe the pants are ill-fitting, but i’m sure the queen (and that is the queen by the way, not the queen mother, who is dead) doesn’t dictate the outfits for foreign dignitaries so she is more “comfortable”. yes, prince phillip is kind of a racist old coot.

    • Jacy "Donk" LaRue Jacy "Donk" LaRue says:

      You lost me. He’s wearing a formal tux with tails, the way most other presidents have when sitting down to a formal dinner with the Queen.

      The Queen Mother has also been dead for several years.

    • Flygirl says:

      It’s not just a tuxedo, but white tie the most formal evening dress code in Western Fashion.

      • Theraplease says:

        Yeesh. No wonder middle eastern dictators take to wearing those gaudy military dress uniforms. Obama looks like a teenage valet in Air Jordans.

        Ok I’m done with this topic. Sorry.

  25. Big Head Fraud & the Blondsters says:

    Anyone catch this exchange? Surely Megatits doesn’t appreciate being drug into Donkey’s twitter fights …

    DatingAndLost | Lost in Translation
    @JuliaAllison I’m so glad you’re back to supporting the gays now that you’re not attached to a public Republican family anymore!

    JuliaAllison | Julia Allison
    @DatingAndLost – I think Meghan (@McCainBlogette) would take issue with that. She’s a huge supporter of gay rights.

    • Theraplease says:

      LOL. Meghan and her mom both did the same “Please don’t bash the gays” publicity thing. You’d think Julia would mention Cindy first. Or like, at all.

      The only thing Meghan is a huge supporter of is her giant rack.

    • 4chan is my internet hugbox says:

      Meghan McCain is a HUGE supporter — and so is her bra.

      • 4chan is my internet hugbox says:

        Whereas I am a TINY AND CUTE supporter… of itty bitty kitty rights.

        [img]http://i55.tinypic.com/2qc2jjs.jpg[/img]

        • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

          Holy adorable cat-man!

        • mcakes is tots mags the maggot says:

          That cannot be real. I helped birth a litter of kitts this summer, and even when first born, the runt wasn’t this tiny! Especially after he was big enough to open his eyes.

          Adorable anyway.

          • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

            The cat’s normal size, it just happens to be Paul Bunyan holding it.

  26. 4chan is my internet hugbox says:

    OT, but I am watching the Casey Anthony and am amazed at the social media component. I’ve got the courtroom on a live feed, with a twitter feed on one side and a chatbox on the other. I especially love that I can use the option to only view official media tweets, and not those of the great unwashed masses of goobers. (Sorry, goobers, but you are only tolerable in small doses.)

  27. 4chan is my internet hugbox says:

    OT, but I am watching the Casey Anthony trial and am amazed at the social media component. I’ve got the courtroom on a live feed, with a twitter feed on one side and a chatbox on the other. I especially love that I can use the option to only view official media tweets, and not those of the great unwashed masses of goobers. (Sorry, goobers, but you are only tolerable in small doses.)

    • 4chan is my internet hugbox says:

      oh shit, double post. It’s a problem using my furry paws on tiny flat laptop keys.

  28. Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

    another shill fail for the donk. protip! it helps to get the twitter handle right (@RosaPaz is not her hair stylist).

    A HUGE thank you to the best Chicago (& LA) hair stylist around, @RosaPaz. If you’re ever in the area & need a cut or extensions, try her!

    • Bouncing Little Burro says:

      haha! Great catch.

    • Theraplease says:

      I think donkey must have a pact with her pelts… As long as she can keep getting them maintained for shills, she’s a-keeping them.

      Shit’s gross, dawg.

    • Yuck Pho says:

      How does the Donkey get around Chicago and to her parents? Does she have her mommy pick her up? Does she ride the train like a Poor? Does she have some mode of transport other than fugly pink beach bikes that are rusting away somewhere, unloved?

  29. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    Michele looks fabulous, but can somebody please get a tailor to adjust a tux that actually fits her husband’s skinny ass? And the Royals look like the two figures stranded on Miss Havisham’s cake. Phil almost seems to be saying “So….is this fat Pip-bashing bitch ever going to get married or what?”

  30. Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

    bunnies, is something rotten in donkmark? or is it just me….?
    http://socialstudiescolumn.com/ was down (seems to be loading now),
    and all column samples are gone from julia’s TMS page.
    q’est-ce que bray?

    • Big Head Fraud & the Blondsters says:

      I see samples there …

      Uhhmmm, about her profile pic …
      Lordy, that HAIR!
      Cracks me UP that Donkey thinks that fake shit looks GOOD!

    • Albie Quirky says:

      They were fucking with the website. Her reign of terror and smarm continues.

    • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

      Best point from the latest column:

      “Limit or eliminate comments. Comments are the cesspool of the Internet, and they can wreak havoc on your young daughter if left unchecked. I would recommend either eliminating them (on YouTube) or using a service like Disqus that allows you to approve them (the comments are sent to your email). Online bullying isn’t a joke, and you have to be careful with a fragile preteen’s self-esteem.”

      I see what you did there.

      • Who do you think you are? says:

        I have to say, whether or not that was a made up question, her response was well-thought and useful. Maybe she plagiarized from somewhere, who knows. I still think she’s as dumb as a doorknob but I’ll give her some credit on this one.

  31. Peltcakes says:

    i don’t see samples….

  32. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    Guys, I think Monika DeMeyer got a new client — Real Housewives “star” Alexis Bellino! http://www.alexis-bellino.com — I haven’t seen abuse of Photoshop like that since Donkey’s headshots.

    • Moanika De Mire says:

      You’re lucky I can use that program. Otherwise…well…let’s just say it’s not pretty.

      Oh, and by the way, lawyers. Inevitable. Etc.

      Moany

    • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

      DEAR GOD, somebody needs to teach her how to retouch a little more subtly.

      Here’s a hint, Monika, and this one’s free: The clone stamp has an opacity setting.

      Think about it…

  33. JuLIAR Allison (will never the learn button) says:

    Someone’s been up all night, “researching”.
    Julia Allison: @JoshuaKushner – Congrats! Now it’s just a countdown to a @Vostu IPO. 🙂

    Pancakes < latkes. Target = set.

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      LOL. She is so damn transparent and embarrassing.

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      Uh oh. But he likes The Hangover movies. She better get tweletin’ !

      JoshuaKushner
      @smart Hangover II > Hangover I
      23 May

      JRadloff
      I wasn’t a fan of the original. So over these ‘men-children’! RT @USATODAYlife ‘Hangover II’: Just sleep this one off http://usat.ly/l5rpXG
      8 hours ago

      JuliaAllison
      @JRadloff – ah! You too? I HATED the original! HATE HATE HATED!
      6 hours ago

  34. The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

    ot but i’ve been reading this website about narcissism and this one quote is so Julia:

    Narcissists are totally and inflexibly authoritarian. In other words, they are suck-ups. They want to be authority figures and, short of that, they want to be associated with authority figures. In their hearts, they know they can’t think well, have no judgment about what matters, are not connected with the world they inhabit, so they cling fanatically to the opinions of people they regard as authority figures — such as their parents, teachers, doctors, ministers. Where relevant, this may include scientists or professors or artists, but narcissists stick to people they know personally, since they aren’t engaged enough with the world to get their authoritative opinions from TV, movies, books or dead geniuses/saints/heroes. If they get in trouble over some or another opinion they’ve put forth, they’ll blame the source — “It was okay with Dr. Somebody,” “My father taught me that,” etc. If you’re still thinking of the narcissist as odd-but-normal, this shirking of responsibility will seem dishonest and craven — well, it is but it’s really an admission of weakness: they really mean it: they said what they said because someone they admire or fear said it and they’re trying to borrow that person’s strength. ”

    http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html#critic

  35. Shamoo£ia says:

    Oh Lord. She’s “grieving in public” again.

    “Today I had to reread the breakup post, to remind myself why we ended things.

    Because most days, I honestly cannot remember.

    All I can remember is how much I miss him.

    Why is it that with the ending of a relationship, some people focus on its flaws, but others (me) focus on everything that was right together? I do this EVERY TIME. It seems like it would be easier to view a newly past relationship in a harsh light (maybe of reality, or maybe of pessimism), but I can’t bring myself to do that. It seems disrespectful to what we had. Am I just making things harder on myself?

    Starting on Friday, I’m headed to the ashram (again, yes, again) in upstate New York. Hopefully it will center me, allow me to regain my focus, and perhaps speed the process of moving on. I’m trying so hard … I’ve planned this upcoming trip to New York, then back for a big family celebration (including my brother and his wife) for my mom’s birthday, then a week in LA, and an intensive improv class here in Chicago. I’m throwing myself into work, both with the column and other items (um, I rewrote my entire press kit last night.) I organized my bathroom cabinets. I played with my dog. I watched Gossip Girl & GLEE. I talk to three or four friends every day. I’m trying, but it’s up and down, up and down. Some days are good. Others (like today), not so much.

    I promised myself I wouldn’t grieve publicly, mainly because, while I don’t mind if you see the pain, I don’t really want him to know. So I go back and forth between finding writing/talking about it highly therapeutic and trying to put the whole thing out of my mind, pretend it doesn’t exist and (as my mother suggested) “fake it till I make it.”

    I’m not sure which is the “right” way. Is there one?”

    • Shamoo£ia says:

      Posted at 4:30 a.m. along with more all night manic tweeting to “friends.”

      • Imminent Meltdown says:

        I liked this part –

        Why is it that with the ending of a relationship, some people focus on its flaws, but others (me) focus on everything that was right together?

        And what was so right together?
        OMGMcCain! Pancakes is almost famous and rich!
        Donkey doesn’t have to pay rent, work, cook, clean or take care of Lily.
        She can spend all day shopping, taking tennis lessons, walking on the beach and going to garden shows.
        She wasn’t in a relationship. She was on Vacation.

    • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

      Yes, there IS a right way!!! Don’t make relationships you’ve had for a hot minute seem like the greatest love story ever told.

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