Hello there … so if any of you check my twitter, you would have seen this tweet, from a few days ago. Jack has asked me to move in with him, here in Coronado (the island off of San Diego, where the Naval base is located), until he leaves for Guam later this year (maybe October, could be November, even possibly December). [Side note: He has also told me he would love for me to move to Guam with him, but he knows that’s a discussion we’ll need to have closer to that date. It seems more likely that we will try a creative long distance option, where I visit him every two or so months, for about a month.]
He actually asked me over the phone, when I was at SXSW a few weeks ago, and I tentatively said yes, but because we haven’t been dating all that long, I suggested we take a trial run. Then I flew back, spent a few days with him, and promptly departed for three other cities (SF, then Chicago, then Sweden, then back to Chicago). I had planned to head from there to New York, then DC, then New York again, and finally back to San Diego, but at some point during Sweden, he texted me – in the kindest possible way – and asked me to come home. Home meaning Coronado.
Honestly, it’s a funny thing, transitioning to being part of a couple (and considering someone else’s needs). It seems like it would be automatic, but it really isn’t. Especially after you’ve been single for quite some time, you forget about basic couple-type things – like, uh … checking in with another person. I haven’t had to do this since I was dating Alex, quite a few years ago now (I purposely don’t count my numerous 3-6 month relationships, as we rarely achieved this level of commitment so early).
This isn’t exactly a revelation, but it has occurred to me that a successful relationship means (besides never having to say you’re sorry) breaking the habit of only considering your own career, family and friendships. With this in mind, I canceled my appearance at the Dressed to Kilt event, canceled the DC trip, and moved the second portion of my New York trip (to do press & meetings for my new column) to next week, so Jack and I could have two uninterrupted weeks in the same physical location.
It was a good plan.
Many times over the past few weeks, I’ve thought that dating through your twenties does little to properly equip you for the sacrifices of a serious, committed relationship. Sometimes I feel completely unprepared in a way that’s altogether embarrassing, given my age. Shouldn’t I know how to do all this by now?
She is so wise, this one. And generous! And tiny and cute!
I’m in a successful relationship, and I’ve said I’m sorry many times when it was justified.
It is the dumbest adage ever, basically giving a free pass for being an asshole. Only a narcissistic tool would believe it. I hope it was another lame attempt at humor.
hahah. a perfect line for ryan o’neal… for sane healthy people? not so much…
Yeah if there’s one thing I’ve learned from years 2-6 of dating it’s that sorry is extremely powerful and your ass better learn how to use it if you ever want someone to love you. So the adage should go, “Love means you want to say sorry when you know you’re a dick and want to be forgiven.”
IMO- Love means when someone says their sorry, you accept it without reservation or condition (unless its the 100th time they’ve fucked up the same way and refuse to change and fail to realize how it hurts you then you can kick their raft ass to the curb imo)
Yes! Saying your sorry when you hurt the other person/fucked up is kind of key to remaining in a successful relationship. And it’s such a useful component in moving towards forgiveness.
So fucking dumb, our Julie.
I think this statement reveals alot about her internal thinking and her arrested emotional development, even in the parental/child context this isn’t true. Someone said this earlier; she is a child with an adults body.
Lucille’s self-involvement and looks paired with Rita’s intelligence: that’s our Donkey!
Win!!
I just can’t get over how she uses words like “sacrifice” , or “having to check in” with someone you allegedly love. She makes it sound like such a drag, a pain and a “sacrifice” to stop running all over the world like a loon for no reason.
Yeah, so in love with Flapjacks is this one. Has she ever shared one good sweet personal detail about him, a deet that shows why she loves him so? Watching war movies together? No, it seems all cold logistics, or what a macho manly man he is. She doesn’t love this guy. And I can’t wait for the wedding, it will be amazing, by which I mean fascinatingly dreadful.
To answer your last question Julia, yes. Yes you should know about having an adult relationship by 30.
“the sacrifices of a serious, committed relationship.” — wtf??????????????
Great handle, btw
Is she serious? Why does she sound like she’s getting married?
She sounds like that because she really wants to marry him. She wants everything that comes with being a McCain the money, the prestige, oh and the money. she is a trifling friend indeed, she is a gold digger and jack McCain likes how she digs on him. He better scream he wants a pre nup,
yes, everyone else started doing this in college while you were going on fake dates for your column.
If what she writes is true (about him calling her in Sweden and asking her to “come home”), I’m actually nervous for her.
Jack is relatively young and in a career that involves a lot of instability. He’s probably (she wrote, from her armchair) looking for something he sees as stable to anchor him while the rest of his life is in flux. I don’t think Julia can provide that and this wouldn’t be fair to someone who has a different long-term plan. That said, Julia has been known to utterly disrupt the lives (/relationships) of others, so. Maybe we all get more or less what we deserve.
I don’t know what their relationship looks like from the inside, despite Julia’s constant, forced depictions of their shared little bliss bubble, so maybe they actually are completely in tune and in sync, but they don’t seem, to an outsider, to have something that will prove strong and lasting.
I don’t like you, Julia, but I think you should move on. There are other Senators’ sons out there for you to poach.
I agree – if it’s true, then I’m surprised that Jack is so clingy at this age and stage of the relationship. Maybe that’s why mom visits so often?
I’m actually okay with her coming to and talking about the realizations of what it means to be in a serious relationship – at least she’s giving it thought and hopefully internalizing it – but don’t think for a second it’s because you’ve been a single gal. It’s because you’re a selfish gal. Even those 3-6 month relationships (Hi Prom King!) would’ve required some degree of commitment and considerate behavior.
Still, like the rest of us, I’m most troubled about how little she emotes about him. She is stuck on what you’d usually find in the early stages of youthful dating, bragging about what the guys does and what he does for her. What does this relationship mean to her, besides bagging a Senator’s son? How did she decide that moving in together was the right next step, right now?
None of us is buying that she’s in this for the long haul, and that’s a shame for Jack, who, inexplicably, seems genuinely invested in this relationship.
He seems like a classic poor little rich boy; all the money in the world but no love
he basically had a dad on the road doing political stuff and his mom dealing with her own substance use disorder, etc… not much of a surprise that he is preoccupied with closeness (if julia’s perception of the relationship is accurate, but she’s got her own issues of wanting to be needed, so who the hell knows how far her own views of the state of things depart from reality). i’m more convinced of at least an engagement at this point…
If he is really that clingy it’s because he has a helicopter mom. I have seen this in interns, they are allowed to leave the nest but mom is always there. I had parents call me directly before. It’s not good. The kid has never really been on his own even at boarding school. Mom is probably a text away and always a short flight. Never allowed to make his own mistakes, learn from anything or really fail. Guam is going to be an eye opener.
maybe her previous relationships didn’t last because she wasn’t considerate. maybe she finally hit the learn button?
Funny that the one she manages to snag comes with a Guam contingency. Not exactly what you pictured, huh?
You rang?
I think we need to take her version of events with an enormous grain of salt. We have no idea what manipulative tricks she pulled to get herself into the OMG Coronado condo.
“… at some point during Sweden, he texted me [...] and asked me to come home.”
I dare say, FlapJack sounds even more selfish than Donkey, not to mention quite the petulant mama’s boy. Is there anything about their time together that gives the impression of them doing what she wants to do? If so, I haven’t noticed or have forgotten.
She definitely needs a crash course in acquiescing to others needs, so kudos to the little twerp for schooling her, but whoa, what a twisted web they’re weaving. Oh well; I do hope they hit their stride & grow (the fuck) up & old together, cuz it would just be mean to wish them on anyone but each other.
I agree that they seem to be doing all “his” things. Starting with the skydiving, airplane museum, the trip to the naval base, the movies, helping him with his homework, etc. She has managed to get a few dinners out. She really needs him to come through for her OMG three weddings this summer, though. Wonder if he will?
She has managed to get a few dinners out
Nah, doubtful that eating out is any great coup on her part — remember, Donkey thinks a kitchen is for tampon strg — you can bet that eating out has more to do w/ FlapJack wanting a decent meal independent of having to also shop for the groceries, cook the grub & pull a stint of KP duty too.
You’re probably right, since eating…and sipping… clearly stresses her out. At least it gives her a chance to put on some titty thrust ensemble.
I think she wants to live in Palo Alto or San Francisco. It’s the one area I don’t think she’s ever dissed.
I don’t think he is the needy emasculated manbitch that she makes him out to be. Have you ever met a guy that asked a girl he was dating to “come home” from an international trip because he needed her or be okay with cancelling two weeks worth of commitments to be with him? Who the hell announces this type of shit to the world?
Please everyone gather round, I have a magic trick to preform: you see my boyfriend’s balls? Well now you don’t. Coming soon to your local Navy tough-guy shop: the Castrated Dwarf Motherboy.
Seriously come on, the only one that crazy in Donkey’s world is Donkey. This blog entry reads like an alibi/explanation for her most recent cray of bailing on a charity and her other commitments; i.e. Jack made me do it but I really didn’t want to, I was sacrificing for him. Bullshit. Grab your popcorn catladies because the real cray is about to start.
FTW guffaw on the magic trick analogy.
It also reminds me of the PK post about not being in love with each other and fighting all the time after she “basically moved in” to his place, followed two weeks later by the complete fucking freakout and sudden assertion that she LOVED him so very much when he dumped her ass. That all went down barely over a year ago, I might add.
Donkey: Incapable of learning.
Good point, DoP. I was taking her at her word but, like Donkey, I never seem to learn either.
If find myself wondering if Jack texted something more like, please come home and take care of your dog, Julia. She misses you and it’s not good for her to be alone in the condo all day while I’m at work.
I believe nothing this asshole says. I highly doubt some 24-year-old soldier boy whined for her to come back.
At best, he’s controlling in her version.
Right. Which is just one narrative version.
Aspergers.
aka AssBaugher’s
Srsly though, Donkey definitely doesn’t have Asperger’s, and her father almost certainly doesn’t, either.
Yeah they REALLY don’t have Asperger’s. I have family members who have it and they are way less self absorbed than JA. NPD, however I will get behind.
You rang?
Maybe there’s a race on between the McCain siblings to produce the first grandchild for Cindy.
Um, yes. You should know how to do this by now. And you should know not to write about such personal details on your blog.
I am less than two years older than her, have a husband of 2 years and a 6 month old, a career teaching at a major university, and own a house – all commitments to others besides myself. The most I ever post about these things are a few baby pictures on Facebook.
DISGUSTING.
You’re the same age as my daughter, Skirt Pull, and except for the baby part (oh LORD that’s going to be soon, and then I shall be a Granny Handbag) you’ve described her life. I have bottomless admiration for my girl, and I hope your mother does, too. Or your dad. Apologies if you were raised by monks or wolves.
lol
you sound like an amazing parent, my parents are also nothing but supportive. very cool that i have a life-doppelganger out there. i also really respect what you talked about with your daughter and the eating disorders discussion group. hope i can do that someday with my baby girl.
ps. my parents say there’s nothing better than being grandparents now. and seeing my baby girl with them and the BOTTOMLESS quantities of love they have for her is pretty much the best thing ever.
*ovary twitch*
Also, why is it a “sacrifice” to spend time with the one you love? It should be the “blessings” of a committed relationship.
SHE MAKES ME WANT TO END MY LIFE SOMETIMES.
Made me laugh.
Don’t take it so seriously! Feel free to relax!
!!! Perfect.
It would be a fucking sacrifice to spend an hour with Flapjacks. Fortunately for Donkerina, she doesn’t listen, so he doesn’t have a chance to bore her.
Notice how all the ex’s she was OMGINLOVEWITH no longer count, including the one whose engagement she tried to break up last year.
I haven’t had to do this since I was dating Alex, quite a few years ago now (I purposely don’t count my numerous 3-6 month relationships, as we rarely achieved this level of commitment so early).
um… what about when she moved in with PK?
She has basically erased that one from her resume.
And what about Redacted who was next?! She was going to marry him? And then tried to break up his relationship for years after. But now he was just a non-serious 3-6 month fling. She rewrites history like no one else.
And that’s the only writing she’s capable of doing.
Wait. She had the fiancé in CA on whom she cheat & dumped for the dude she then moved in w/ in NYC (& squatted in his apt for more than a year+ while also sneaking his expensive car out & driving w/out permission, in case you didn’t know, Mrs. Nutterworth!) ….
Which one was Alex & which one was Michael isn’t the point so much as the fact that she’s publicly acknowledging (probably not intentionally though) that she couldn’t be bothered w/ the needs of that one dude who was supporting her couch-surfing raft-ass.
Let me guess though — Alex is the one who tried to put a ring on it & Michael is the one whose fiancée Donkey stalked & harassed so the only one she’s going to name is the one she wants FlapJack to try & top. IE: PUT A RING ON IT ?
She said a number of times that she and Michael used to “talk about marriage” and look at rings and all that crap and Michael clearly is “the one who got away”, but I think she wants to underplay the fact that she’s been engaged to and thinking about marrying dudes before boning Jack the magic Pancake because she wants this to be her “This is IT! Soulmates!!! So blessed!!!1!!”-story.
I just think she has been lying for so long that she has lost track of it all. So when she says that there hasn’t been anything serious since X date or X time she forgets that she claimed to be on the verge of marriage with someone then. Also, she uses the “we were so very in love” posts to try and ruin current and future relationships of people that didn’t want her or now don’t humor her.
She had a fiance, a guy from Georgetown, who moved to California with her after graduation. She left him for Alex, who’s been her longest relationship and allowed her to live in his condo after their breakup. Michael was after that. He is “five dresses guy” and the one Julia harassed following his engagement last year.
Read up now, Jack!
Good fucking grief. How did all these guys actually fall for her and her shit? Yes I know she was younger, thinner, hotter (well, as hot as she could’ve been) then, but still. Her personality rots, and that’s not something new. In fact, in certain ways, it was probably worse then, because she thought she was hot and going to be famous.
Maybe I don’t understand because I’m a young’un and have never lived with a sig other, but isn’t it supposed to be a HUGE FUCKING RED FLAG when someone asks you to move in after a few months of dating?
Yeah-I see this ending well.
meh, depends on the couple. my wifecat and i moved in pretty quickly, but we are both stable in careers and it just made sense for us. blanket rules don’t usually work when it comes to relationships. obviously good to keep your wits about you when it comes to those kind of steps, but when you know you know…
I agree blanket statements don’t work, but honestly, it can be a red flag more often than not, and in this case, there are other factors supporting this being yet another red flag.
She has no home of her own, for example. There is a power inequity. She is living in a retirement community now.
The red flags are blocking out the sky in this instance.
oh i agree completely in this case. ja’s life is one big red flag!
Same here, now engaged 5 years later.
When they ask you to move into their mom’s condo for the little while before they go to Guam? Yep.
Ha!
She doesn’t want to spend loads of time with him because it’s not that fun for her. The end game is worth only so much sacrifice in her mind.
And what the fuck does this mean? “It seems more likely that we will try a creative long distance option, where I visit him every two or so months, for about a month.”
That’s hilarious. What does that look like? She lives rent free in his condo and jets out EVERY TWO MONTHS to Guam? Some people called this, but I didn’t believe she would do it. What if Cindy needs the condo? She really is optionless at this point.
She hates living in Coronado. There’s nothing showy for her to do or cool friends to leech off of. Notice she never says anything about how beautiful the beach is, or sunsets or whatever. How great it is to walk Lily in the sunshine or similar bullshit that she would normally tweet?
Also…doing “press” for her column? In New York? I’m sure that’s what the Chronicle visit in SF was all about. Why she thinks actual social media savvy cities would run her fool column is beyond me.
She hates living everywhere, though. She ditched NYC as soon as the invitations to the hipster/media parties stopped coming. She was only in Chicago because her parents gave her a free (excuse me, “subsidized”) stall. She’s never actually been happy.
She wants to “live” in Stanford….
To say that she “hates” living somewhere seems nonsensical … Seriously, where has she “loved” living?
Up until now, hasn’t she always lived in cities that have great & varied attractions, none of which she can be bothered w/ (unless there’s a fauxtoshoot underway)?
Julia Allison is a culturally-stunted individual whose domicile needs consist of little more than four walls on which to hang mirrors & fauxtos of herself + an internet connection so she can google herself until daybreak.
I guess you could say she’s never really LIVED anywhere– just OBOed.
Perfect description!
“Also…doing “press” for her column? In New York?”
I loved that bit. First, the idea anyone cares, and second, a syndicated column, no matter how desparately scanty in distribution, technically is press itself. She’s an amazingly fanciful liar, imagining all her press and meetings about her dismal sad column. Uh, who? What press?
“My single, “My Single Is Dropping”, is dropping.” Donks is just as deluded as Angie Jordan on 30 Rock there. Promotion of promotion is a thing, people!
Riiiiiiiightttttt!
Because it’s not the actual *content* of her column that gets the damn thing picked up by more than 100+ papers, it’s
her legsthe *press* she spreads far & wide.#AKA: The_PRESS(ure)_of_her_tit_thrusts
This isn’t really related to anything, other than I’ve amassed quite the collection of donk-burro-mule signage:
http://tinypic.com/r/8vow0k/7 (if it loads huge again like the pic last nite)
IS THAT A LYNX AT THE BOTTOM? I’m ruined. I wish you lived near, CB, because I would definitely buy you a drink or seven.
love the Mule Shoe Recreation area!
that’s where Julia can keep her YSL Tribunes.
Hysterical! [as Donk would say], except for the “I am just a donkey” one at the bottom; the part I could read is making me cry. I am glad the stretchy cat is obscuring the rest of it.
bare burro 5k at the nudist resort! ROFL!
I had a Moscow Mule last night. Fairly enjoyable, and my pleasure was only slightly hoofed upon by the thought that it was half Moscow Donkey.
Moscow Donkey = Julia Allison + Russian Girl
Moscow Mule = Moscow Donkey + 350 sips of vodka
lawl
YAY! My ‘Bray Village’ sign is there, I am now famous.
[I] tentatively said yes…
…while fist-pumping like a frat boy who’s won his tenth beer pong game in a row.
I love how she tries to come off as chin-strokey and contemplative about this, like “Is this where I want to be at this point in my life? Shacking up with this rich guy?”
me, too. the tone is quite delicious for a dedicated scholar of donkology. I actually felt a flicker of renewed interest after weeks of boredom and losing my will to even check in.
Yeah, she “tentativly said yes” after having sent two boxes of clothes and changed her magazines subscriptions to SD.
Ugh. I can’t even snark about this. Clearly he’s as bat shit crazy as she is. They’re perfect for each other. I hope they’ll be very happy. In Guam.
Has anybody told her about Guam’s snake problem? Unfortunately everyone looks chunky next to a writhing mass of brown snakes. (NOT a euphemism)
Does this snake make my pelts look fake?
I think she expects Guam to be like St. Barts or the Canary Islands but its really a shithole. There is nothing to do there, has extreme poverty, pollution, and high crime rate. Good luck with trying not to scratch your eyes out after staying a month there.
Young, dumb, and full of Guam.
I daresay it isn’t much of a sacrifice for Julia to “to break the habit of considering her own career” when she seems hell bent on doing as little work as possible. Maybe her relationship with Pancakes is lovely and healthy, but this wordy justification smacks of her relentless desire to appear impressive for appearances sake. Honestly she doesn’t have much going on and obviously is unable to put in solid effort and work to be accepted and respected as any sort of professional. This relationship status update has much gravity as her Volvo Sweden coverage.
It’s the perfect situation for her. Once she gets a ring on that finger and gives up any pretense to having a career, she can claim “OMG Sliding Doors moment!!!!” like she did about being Obama’s speechwriter whenever she sees successful columnists/shillers/whatever it is she allegedly does for a living.
this may all be moving in her direction right now, but like other comments, I think this is all going to ONE-DAY blowup. She’s going to meet someone taller & richer, and she’ll dump l’il Pancakes McCain……sad.com, but probs gonna happen. Her past actions are an indicator of future fuck-ups.
I would agree if I thought she could do any better than him. But what would a taller, richer guy want with a donkey? My money’s on him dumping her.
Exactly. There are young, hotter, thinner, saner gold diggers all over the place.
It is really obvious she is only into his name and money.
His face is okay, but there is something creepy about it. He has a beak for a nose and fucking him would be like fucking a young John McCain. [SHUDDER!!!]
He is wee, and really does have the appearance of a little boy. There is no way around that.
He is obviously not all that bright or cultured. Watching these war movies is about the extent of his culture interest. I bet he even listens to shit music / has no other cultural interests.
All of these items expressly go against her dating proclivities. She likes good looking men with brains and cultural connections, which is how she sees herself.
A case in point is how Prom King was not good enough for her. He was not good looking or cultural enough and she felt she was better than him. The only thing she liked about him was his wallet and apartment.
If Pancakes was not a McCain — forget about it. She would even look twice. And now she’s riding that??
This is doomed to fail spectacularly at some point.
I am also of the mind that she should run. He can’t make her happy long term and she should know better.
I think she expected to be taken to alot of campaign fundraisers, knocking elbows with the Shrivers and Schwarzenegger. However, after being dragged to them his whole life I bet Jackie hates them and as a military member is actively discouraged from going to them.
His choice of movies made me laugh (not that I don’t like them) but I can see him thinking: after she see’s these movies she’s gonna think I’m tots hot, maybe I’ll get a another bj.
Totally. She’s a lot of things, but she’s seen the big world, got a taste for it. Gotta give it to her, she tried to put herself out there. She’s completely dumb and insensitive about art and culture, incurious about any city she’s in, but at least she’s dimly aware of how much other people enjoy such things.
He’s a teenaged rich boy, end of. Equally dumb and incurious, suspended in adolescence- it seems from his interests, anyway. You’d think it would work? But she’s going to regret this, they don’t have a lot in common at all.
I read it as “He asked me to come home…because he was tired of taking care of my dog.”
YES
Exactly! God she is so dumb! Fo real!
this.
SHE DID NOT SAY LOVE IS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU’RE SORRY OH NO SHE DID NOT.
She is clueless, and it is, how you say, hysterical. The adventures of a moron in an adult’s world are too delicious to turn away from.
Other people have mentioned how bloodless her description of this relationship is, and that’s what strikes me even more than how quickly they’re moving. During the 3-6 month period aren’t most people sort of wrecked by passion and the accompanying insecurity? My tomcat and I have been together 15 years but I swear the first two are a haze of sex and conversation and longing. We couldn’t stand to be apart. To this day the sight of him walking across the front field — sometimes just his voice on the phone — makes me feel like I’ve been punched in the chest, and he feels the same way about me. But those first months? I’m blushing, children. Maybe JABs and MiniCain have that; I sure don’t see it in anything she posts.
She should be hoovering him like a cupcake, is that what you’re saying? I do find it strange but not for her. She never acts like she really enjoys anything, despite the wideness of her gaping mouth. If she ever gave the impression that she really got down and dirty in bed she’d be much more tolerable.
Yep, that’s what I’m saying — and that is a damn fine point, that she never really enjoys anything. I’ve long thought she experiences rejection REALLY strongly, it’s her one powerful emotion, so when relationships are over they seem huge and passionate to her in retrospect. She probably genuinely doesn’t know that the good stuff out to weigh the most.
*ought* to weigh the most.
I read this correction first and thought you were parroting the old trope: “never date a girl who weighs more than you do.” That line is slightly better relationship advice than Julia’s actively relationship-destroying brays, but it’s still ineffably dumb. I’ve broken both “rules” more than once or twice.
really interesting comment, Handbag. about rejection being the thing she experiences most powerfully. perhaps along with the adrenaline rush of being looked at “when I’m all dressed up.”
I think it all goes back to a strong suspicion more than a few people have that she prefers women.
I love this comment.
Who else won’t be surprised by Mrs.Nutterworth making a stealth visit to her Coronado crib w/in hours of FlapJack being deployed to the IHOP of Guam?
Be it a confidentiality agreement getting signed or a clomp-off into-the-sunset check getting written, having a Come To Jesus chat w/ Donkey should be at the top of her to-do list.
I ran Mrs. Nutterworth’s twitter feed through you know what and got:
Jack’s soft patch. Almost there. Jack’s soft patch. Almost there. Jack’s soft patch!! Great flick!
Off to be back in a think tank. Not a manicure and moving around the most beautiful woman ever!!
I was the “older woman” at 30 with a guy in his earlier 20s. He also had an absent dad and a substance abusing mom. And he also texted me when I was in another country for (legitimate) work asking me to come home to his place. It seemed fun/passionate at the time but a few months later I finally realized the neediness/clinginess/crazy that it was all about.
Exactly, when a young boy made from pancake batter says something like “come home” whilst you are in another country and have plans, it means “please come round, I would like to get laid” and subconsciously demonstrates a power move.
Stupid Donkey, don’t take things that men you don’t know say literally.
How could Donkey misunderstand men? She makes two-item lists reading: colors (bright), rainbows!
I’m wondering if maybe the ‘come home’ was couched in some sort of sext-like message. like “oh baby, I miss you so much. if you were here I’d have you bent over my mom’s couch while
youyour dog barked furiously.” julia became concerned about all of the skinny, tanned, toned, younger, more attractive meat floating under flapjacks horny nose, so she thought she should get back there ASAP before someone else moved in on her mealticket.I know I read someone’s comment somewhere about what the hell Julia does with herself there on Coronado, why she doesn’t post anything about enjoying the sun, walking on the beach, but I can’t find it now. Anyway, suddenly, we find this latest post “Every morning Lilly & I go for a walk on the path near the beach here in Coronado, and we pass this extraordinary garden … I’ve never seen anything quite like it!!!” Take that, haters!
I just found it above… ShesJustStupid said “She hates living in Coronado. There’s nothing showy for her to do or cool friends to leech off of. Notice she never says anything about how beautiful the beach is, or sunsets or whatever. How great it is to walk Lily in the sunshine or similar bullshit that she would normally tweet?”
cowynkidink? I think not.
She’s comment stalking. I feel creepy.
You rrrrrang?
OT, but what’s w/ your name change? Mine is infected like a JABa ex, is why I ask …
i recommend downloading and installing MalwareBytes (do it now, everyone!), it’s a great cleaner and use it in conjunction with something like McAfee and SpyBot.
Yeah, MalWareBytes found 233 infected files on my machine
I downloaded it following a suggestion from the Norton Guru in the Norton Help Forum after I paid for Norton because Norton had more bang for the buck than McAfee (so I thought).
I’m currently looking for resolution to the geedee Windows SrvcHost error I now get about 97 kajillion X a day
WTF? Those smiles were meant to be sadfaces!
someone needs to stay away from the pr0n, ahem ahem.
LOL, no Pr0n, I promise!
I’m pretty sure I know precisely which online retailer to blame though (it started w/ the Google hijack I’d mentioned circa beginning of the month). Stay the eff away from Beall’s.
That’s the worst.
Hey, Julia! Get a life! Get your boules on, get to know the neighbours or whatever, but step away from the internet for at least 24 hours.
I caught a virus this morning and had to switch computers. I can’t remember the name of the virus but it claims to be a windows virus cleaner and it takes over your entire system. IT is hosing down my hard drive now. It is difficult to eradicate since you can’t even boot into safe mode. Best bet is nuke & start over. Back up regularly, y’all!!
that was in reply to BIG HEAD FRAUD
BTW, all the trojan virii Norton found on my machine were embedded in Adobe .pdf files, one of which I KNOW FOR A FACT came to me via a Fecebook email alert (sadsheep was the name of that one).
FUCKING ADOBE. A virus recently took over or emulated the adobe updater. My husband was shitting water until he got it fixed.
MAKE BACKUPS EVERYONE! Pretend your computer is going to die today and back up everything!!
http://www.idrive.com or amazon cloud drive
Any chance you can point me in the direction of the Adobe fix he found? I already had my doubts about proceeding w/ another Adobe update, because something I can’t yet put my finger on strikes me hinkey about it now …
I saw this as: “A virus recently took over or emasculated the adobe updater.”
OH NO!!!! It’s the Julia Allison Dates Adobe Virus! Back up immediately, and give your computer all the protection you can: McAfee, Valtrex, etc.
BigHead, i think he ran malwarebytes and then updated from teh adobe website instead of through the updater.
and Tremendous, i would LOL if I were not being a srs bznz laydee here in the cube farm.
I had this! I was marathon watching How I Met Your Mother online and it came from one of those sites. I had to start in safe mode (hitting F8 repeatedly until it loads the safe/reg mode screen) and it fixed my compy. I didn’t have anything important saved in the three days since it saved itself (or whatever it does) so I was good. Then run anti-virus after it starts and everything should be great.
Also…enjoy the garden. And don’t forget to reserve a ticket to the Coronado flower show! Biggest game in town! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..
SHE NEVER READS HERE. man. she can’t even creep subtly.
Donkey hooves don’t exactly pitter-patter …
Sweden is a lovely country you should visit…
Donkey’s personal “never having to bray you’re sorry” meme reveals not only her stupidity, but her ugly selfishness. What does she want out of a relationship? She wants a partner whom she can treat however she pleases without them speaking up for themselves. She wants to control them, portray them unflatteringly on the Internet, use them for their money, and generally treat them however the whim strikes, and she wants to do all this without any negative feedback from anyone, especially her boyfriend.
Donkey succubus.
Julia Allison, as your Afghani Twitter and FB followers say, I LOVE U!
seriously, this chick is so delusional, so mental, I seriously just. kannot. look. away.
Lord knows I’ve tried. #wheresthegoddamnedpopcorn
She’s a Poisson distribution of crazy. Rewards come in unpredictable intervals and that’s why we’re addicted to pushing that refresh button over and over.
FTW! gotta go take a Laplacian of my Gaussian now…
Intermittent positive reinforcement: it works, y’all, both for us and for Donkey. Donkey’s life is 90% very justified criticism and mockery and 10% FREE SWEDEN TRIP!
PS if I had “shacked up” with as many men as she has, my parents would sit me down fro a friendly chat
PPS shacking up is a sin in republican eyes
PPSS I hope they don’t procreate. I really don’t. We’ll have to start a Save Sir Princess Houndstooth Duck Pants fund soon too.
PPS shacking up is a sin in republican eyes
Nah, it’s like abortion and pot–only a sin for the poors, browns, and Democrats.
I think she is a big, fat liar. As we all know, she does have a history of being Liar Liar McPants On Fire.
Where is the LOVE??? She’s talking about this guy like it’s a job obligation. NOT like the man she is madly in love with and wants to spend the rest of her life. Where is the blinded by love, lust, happiness, it must be biology! dopamine and all the other crazy feelings you get in the beginning? Honestly, does this read like a woman in love? HELLS NO.
I think she made up the whole, ‘Oh, I had to cancel all my commitments and run home to my boyfriend because he begged me to come home and you have to make sacrifices for love’ blah, blah, BLAH.
BULL. SHIT.
More likely scenario is bits and pieces of lies and truth, intertwined into the twisted Julie Albertsons Burger side of the story.
Señor Yack doesn’t strike me as the whiny, needy boyfriend type. Not to mention he must be hella busy with his military training and learning to fly friggin’ helicopters. Even though he’s a McCain, he still has to train and learn. Being a McCain isn’t giving him some easy ‘out’ of training. No way he is texting and calling her to ‘come home!’ NO. WAY. Not buying it.
I’d say it’s 100% the other way around. Projection much, Julie? She thought this was her Golden Ticket out of the OMG! Downtown Condo. She had it planned for months. Shipped clothes to Yack’s place. Changed magazine subscriptions, etc. Slowly set it up to be practically moved in, and then ‘oh, Yack, it would be so great to spend some time together. It’s not like I’m really moving in, since I’m so, SO busy and always traveling.’ And he bought it.
She thought she’d scoot on into his place, then once he leaves for Guam, she gets to stay at the Coronado condo and live rent-free (per her usual m.o.). She’ll do 1, maybe 2 trips to Guam to keep Yack happy. She’ll also have to keep up the charade for Señora Cindy.
But before you know it, she’ll OBO Yack for some SF *founder*. Or maybe even run back to Greasy because they have ‘chemistry’ and it was there right in front of her the whole time!
This is your fucking CHANCE, girl. Do you have any idea how MAD Dad$ers is gonna be when you fuck this up and have to move back home and into the OMG! downtown condo? How much longer can Dad$ers put up with supporting your fat ass, and, ONCE AGAIN, losing quality *alone* time with his *good friend* Raul?
Time to take Golddigger Lessons from Michael K. ‘Cause girrrrrrl? This *relationship* is about to be blown into a million bajillion, teeny + tiny + cute little bits, BY YOU.
Keep your mouth shut, keep your head down and FOCUS. Focus on getting knocked up and that ring on your finger. Never forget: by any means necessary.
He probably texted that he couldn’t really take care of the dog because he was too busy and she was probably like “don’t worry about it, she’ll be fine, she’s used to neglect!” Then she found out she couldn’t crash a couch in nyc for the Kilts Up conference or whatever and decided to go back to Coronado.
FF
“As we all know, she does have a history of being Liar Liar McPants On Fire.”
Julia said something that wasn’t true? When was this?
And if you’re thinking of the “Planned Parenthood is 90% abortions” lie, that was her family-in-not-law friend Jon Kyl.
is raul an actual person in the baugher circles or are you just coming up with a pool boy-esque name? I’m genuinely curious.
I really think this whole explanation is a lie. I have a feeling “he texted me asking me to come home” was more like her texting “how much do you miss me? a lot? are you sure you don’t need me to come home? if you just ask i can come home. Are you sure? Are you sure?” and he was like “uh sure come if you want” and the rest is history.
I mean, he never reads her blog, right? she can say as much bull shit about him as she wants.
She just posted a photo with Dan at her prom. He asked her to be IN HIS WEDDING you guys! People LIKE her. #selfsoothing
Dan’s getting married? and not to a donkey, good for him. you go,
CancerDan!I’ll bet if dan’s fiancee ever took a look at julie’s liecast, she’d be annoyed at how dan is referred to as julia’s ‘high school beau.’ he may have been her boyfriend for a time in high school, but she’s been out of high school for ELEVEN YEARS now, and dan has just been her ‘good friend’ for that period of time. why hasn’t his identification shifted from ‘high school boyfriend’ to ‘best friend’ or ‘close friend’ or ‘oldest friend’ or something like that?
or is this just another way for julia to assert ownership? “I dated him first!” yep, you may have dated him over a decade ago, but he’s not marrying you, he didn’t want to marry you, you were only good enough to be his friend for all this time…and nothing more than a friend.
Donkey only makes these repetitive declarations for the sake of the legions of new readers that she gets on a daily basis.
This! Just like licking food, [redacted], jack’s pants, txting Cindy while in bed, etc this is Julia’s attempt to spray her donkey piss all over Dan and mark her territory.
She could of picked any picture of her and Dan but picked their junior prom picture, might as well said “Dear Dan’s fiancee, this night is when Dan became a man and I became a Donkey, I had him first, you well never measure up. Toodles and Cupcakes: Julia. ”
p.s. I am groomsmaid so when you get married I’ll be standing right there, braying, stomping and ruining the most special moment of your life, you can count on it.
pps He’ll be thinking of me when you kiss.
I hope she seriously doesn’t go, its really poor form. Q: So how do you know the bride and groom? A: Ohh I use to fuck the groom.
I Kant anymore.
But how can you say that – she is SO NICE! Remember? She told you how NICE she is. And how if you just met her you would understand how ineffibly NICE she is.
I agree. I am friends with a significant ex from that time in my life and we classify ourselves and ‘best friends’ without putting any other added emphasis on it anywhere. We are ‘friends’ now, that’s it.
PS. why the hell does it say (in that post) “(Taken with Instagram at Chicago 1998)”??? is she using some auto-uploader that just appends that text, because there sure as hell was no instagram in 1998. that was clearly taken with a film camera.
#DonkeyTechFail
I was wondering that, too. I figured she probably used the instagram app on her iphone to take a picture of the original, printed picture.
And what is with “at Chicago” and “during Sweden?” Prepositions are hard!
P.S.: Good for Dan, though (and his gal, who is no doubt tiny and cute!)
In that prom photo Dan looks like HER DAD. SRSLY.
Could it be?! Hipster lawyer before hipster lawyer was known to have existed?!?!
There are photos of REDACTED #1 who look exactly exactly like her dad. Seriously.
She’s going to spend one month out of every three in Guam? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Hey, it’s the starting point for touring Micronesia! You know she wants to strap on a backpack and go all “Survivor” out there. YES SHE DOES!
Ok, so the kid “whispered” I love you to her like, what – 2 months into the relationship? Then it was moving in. And, now the whole come home from your free international trip…
wtf is wrong with this kid? He needs to grow a pair. If I was dating him I would find this extremely off-putting.
AGREED. It’s weird that they’re all about the milestones at this breakneck pace. My catboyfriend of two months called me “baby” this morning and I was like, uh, are we up to pet names already? My theory is he’s just as needy as she is.
This is so obviously one of those awful codependent relationships between two people who don’t want to grow up. I know Julia has brayed about how mature Jack is, but in comparison to her 10-year-old mentality, everyone is mature! Donkey’s going to love spending her life watching mega-macho war movies with a pitiful kid who keeps begging Mommy Julia not to leave his side. It makes me feel trapped just thinking about it.
my guess is that she equates strong willed with the upper hand (rich and higher social status) with “mature”
Yes, indifference does not equal maturity.
Okay, before this relationship goes any further, can we start a RBD collection to get Julia’s tubes tied? Like most donkeys, she’s uninsured, so it won’t be free, people.
Cindy can afford to foot the bill.
fellow catladies, for the past few years, I have been DYING to ask my sister-in-law if she knew ms. allison. my SIL is originally from chicago. my cousin married a chick from chicago, who is friends with julia on facebook. when my SIL and cousin’s wife met, they seemed to know a lot of the same people. I find my cousin’s wife to be a bitch of the highest order (the ‘looking over your shoulder for a better person to talk to’ is her patented move; the phrase ‘thank you’ also seems to not be part of her vocabulary), and so I was afraid to ask my SIL if she knew the donkey, because I do actually really like my SIL and would hate for my opinion of her to be diminished.
this weekend, I finally got the nerve up to ask, and my SIL had no clue who julia allison is. and I had a really hard time explaining her, so I kind of quickly ended the conversation and moved on to something else. but I’m glad I finally got my question answered, and I also am resolved to never let the name ‘julia allison’ slip from my mouth again.
Honestly, knowing who Julia Allison is feels like a shameful secret to me. My boyfriend (sorry, my cat) threw a little party recently, and one of his friends mentioned something about Julia Allison to the group which, except for me and one other chick, were all guys who don’t really know / care about NY media. No one else said anything, but I felt instantly embarrassed for looking up and meeting his eyes with a look of recognition.
I swear it was like we were two furries, locking eyes after someone mentioned “yiffing.” I felt so dirty.
I’ve cautiously mentioned her name, in passing, to a few people in NYC media and society circles, and nobody will admit to even knowing who she is. Even one guy who was at an infamous party with her a few years ago. I had a feeling he knows who she is, but didn’t want anyone to know.
I love your analogy. so much.
So precious.
Yikes! The second i heard my cat in the basement meow her name from looking over my shoulder when i was looking at this website was enough to make me never click on any JABs related links again.
Obviously i got over that! But still, i encourage him to NEVER say her name. I still want to get seksy with him, after all!
I know people who know the Donk… but I’d never make them talk about it. They themselves have already been through too much scorn and ridicule and JA had a front row seat through their situation. It was sick.
I am crazy busy and haven’t had time to follow donkey shenanigans for the past couple of weeks, but just had to pop in and say OH MY GOD SHE IS FUCKING CRAZY.
ok. that is all.
Get unbusy soon Shamz!!
You can actually never check up on her shenanigans and just pop in every few weeks with that comment and, without fail, make an entirely accurate assessment.
it’s almost like watching ‘days of our lives’…you can not watch for weeks, months, even years at a time, and when you tune back in, nothing has really changed, the storylines are exactly the same, except maybe one or two players has changed.
Except for the occasional murder, amnesia, pregnancy, abortion, mental illness, etc.
pregancy, abortion, amnesia, and murder may still be in the queue*, bunny! as for mental illness, well…
* i’m sure no one HOPES anything unfortunate will happen, but then again, we here at RBD are not writing the reality show script.
I’m a little confused by what you’re saying. I didn’t mean that julia’s life is like the storyline of ‘days of our lives.’ I meant that nothing much ever really changes in julia’s life, because she just keeps spinning out the exact same story. you can not watch for awhile and when you tune back in, you won’t really have missed anything. that’s exactly how I feel about DOOL, and the reason why I stopped watching after a solid decade of keeping up with the storylines online and watching episodes as often as I could.
I love how her OMG proclamation has 0 comments (yet she had time to write this drivel, but not for the free trip to Sweden).
Julia Allison, the Rewind & Retell Story. Can’t wait for the Life Channel to produce a movie of their Love, just like Kate & William.
None of her shit EVER gets comments!! That’s the best part. It’s a gigantic 000 all around. Add to that her only comments (when they do finally arrive) seem to be from Catladies or that single male freak John somebody or something.
I love it! The failure is extremely pronounced.
She is so immature, I can’t help but laugh.
Is she really so selfish, self-centered and in-her-own-head that sharing her life with someone is difficult?
If she really truly loved this man, she would WANT to be with him, want to check in with him, want to know what he’s thinking.
Having a successful relationship mean ALWAYS having to say you’re sorry.
Having a successful relationship is literally all about keeping his thoughts and feelings at the forefront of your mind … and WANTING those thoughts and feelings to be there.
Adult relationship. YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.
Exactly. Didn’t she used to bitch about Jakob never checking in with her? He just wasn’t that into her. Same situation.
Ask her exfriends, exboyfriends and exemployers. Yes she is really that selfish.
Oh, Melissa Sue, you think you know everything because you’re married! And probably tiny and cute.
/retreats to corner with Cheetos bag
I just want to note that as of now, Julia’s last seven posts have a combined total of zero comments. Yeah, that’s 0+0+0+0+0+0+0=0.
http://www.hark.com/clips/xrblhncttt-mr-blutarsky-0-dot-0
You can trust my math; I have a penis.
Another precious comment. I like this Thursday night crowd.
I know!
!!!! WIN !!!!
I have a feeling he’s more psycho than she is. I wouldn’t be surprised if he were one of those spoiled, manipulative, slightly sociopathic people and Julia is ignoring it or not admitting to it because he’s an OMG!!! McCain. What guy asks a woman he’s been dating for couple of months to move in with him, and asks her to “come home”. He’s going to totally control her and she will accept it for that sweet divorce money and McCain last name (which I am sure she’ll keep forevahhh).
Speaking of which, (this has been a good donkey day)
Blog comment:
“Eee, it seems like it’s all happening so fast! I guess you’ve known his intentions way longer than we have.
He must have wanted you by his side pretty bad to suggest you bail on the Dressed to Kilt thing. Wasn’t that to help amputee veterans? As the son of a veteran and a soldier himself I’m surprised he couldn’t let you keep that commitment.
Ugh, speaking of wounded vets, have you ever read the David Foster Wallace profile of his dad? It gave me so much respect for the guy. (Not that I didn’t vote for Obama, there was no way I was going to let Palin get a heartbeat away from running the country… had he chosen a different running mate I would’ve been pretty conflicted”
Her repy:
“I don’t know if it’s really “happening so fast” as much as we want to be together, and we’re both willing to do what it takes to make that happen.
The Dressed to Kilt thing WAS for Wounded Warriors, which is a charity Jack supports, but ultimately it was my decision to skip it – not his. He had asked me to come home, and I couldn’t if I went to that event. But frankly, my obligation is to him, first and foremost, and the event would go on, with or without my attendance. I did agree to try to do it next year, if I am available.
I haven’t read the profile about his dad, but I know that if Jack is any indication, he’s a morally upstanding, loyal, courageous and honest human being. “
I love DFW. Where is that profile?
Oh jesus, I am dumb. You meant McCain. One of my favorite DFW essays.
How has Jack shown courage? Did he enter the clam dungeon without protection? That’d be some great courage right there.
Also, the comment on the blog is clearly from a cat lady.
The stupids, Toolia has them.
I know. Caroline Rocco, her most dedicated/prolific commenter, is a catlady. How sad is that?
I think, at this point, she knows that people are catladies. She just thinks she can use their comments–because they’re not nasty–to clear things up, which never happens.
Can we just all collectively vom at “morally upstanding?”
I just read that comment and HOWLED. It is always hilarious to me when she takes on the school marm tone, as if she has a clue what it means to be morally upstanding or anything similar to morally upstanding. Rich coming from the chick who’s only with this dude because of his last name and his mother’s riches.
She’s totally stepford wife-ing herself. O I’m putting aside my obligations for my husband (in her case boyfriend of maybe 4 months). Except for the fact that she has 0 obligations. Seriously, what does she have to do that’s so freaking important. So if she has a charity event ONE day, what is stopping her from doing it? She has the rest of the year to do zip sh*t!
She’s so manipulative and dishonest, it’s almost scary. She’s always pulling shit like this. She’ll do something bad (like skipping out on the charity event) and then try to flip the whole thing on its head so she comes out looking like an honorable person instead of the scum she really is. In this incident, she’s trying to make people see what an unselfish and beautiful human being she is because she denied herself the joy of helping others just so she could put Pancakes’ needs before her own. Sacrifice, that’s what Julia Allison is all about. In reality, she has ZERO interest in helping others and jumped at the first possible opportunity to get out of the Wounded Warriors event.
She did this exact same kind of thing when she became enraged with Michael for ignoring her and ended up sending that nasty email to his fiance. That was a psycho, despicable act but she turned it all around, claiming credit for being such a stand-up girl, warning the poor unsuspecting fiance that her soon-to-be husband cheated on her with a donkey. She was just trying to help because, well, that’s the kind of wonderful person she is! It’s mind-boggling when you think about what a huge role lying plays in her life.
This is a far better definition of her personality disorder than anything from the DSM-IV. Perfect.
I think she skipped out on the fashion show when she found out there were going to be judges and it was some kind of contest – someone tweeted here that they were a judge and she was like .. whaaaa? Judges??
It’s lose-lose, either way the story spins. If she’s telling the truth she reveals herself to be immature and selfish and he comes off as needy and controlling. If she’s lying then she looks like an asshole for skipping out on her obligations (and, also, lying) and he is revealed to be the boyfriend who literally pays no attention to his girlfriend’s liecast/startup/hobby.
In neither version do I believe that she loves him.
I agree with you. I think she WANTS to love him and that she’s probably trying pretty damn hard to talk herself into loving him, but nah…she’s not in love with Jackie. They seem like two clueless little kids playing house.
It’s the notoriety of the “McCain” name. It’s fame seeking. She loves that she can hitch her wagon to this. I have to wonder though, if she believes all the good traits about McCain senior apply to the spawn, would she not also have in the back of her head some of the questionable decisions/actions too. (I’m specifically thinking of dad’s first marriage)
“Divorce money.” Heh. We need to search the Donkey files for a screen grab of the refrigerator magnet she had in her NYC apt. about marrying well for the FU $ divorce.
If only he didn’t want to do the poke poke every morning
I’m sure I’m repeating what’s already been said but Julia has really pissed me off on this one.
“…it has occurred to me that a successful relationship means (besides never having to say you’re sorry) breaking the habit of only considering your own career, family and friendships. With this in mind, I canceled my appearance at the Dressed to Kilt event, canceled the DC trip, and moved the second portion of my New York trip (to do press & meetings for my new column) to next week, so Jack and I could have two uninterrupted weeks in the same physical location.”
Give me a fucking break. Breaking commitments you’ve already made is NOT okay – certainly not in the name of “balancing my career and personal responsibilities.” Want to put less emphasis on your career? Honor the commitments you’ve made, then make fewer commitments in the future. If I were the organizer of Dressed to Kilt or one of the people Julia has meetings with and learned this was her justification, I wouldn’t consider her for anything again.
Unless Julia’s commitments weren’t really commitments to begin with – she was just going to *attend* Dressed to Kilt and her NY meetings weren’t going to be scheduled until she got there.
Any way you slice it, she looks like an asshole.
And this:
“But frankly, my obligation is to him, first and foremost, and the event would go on, with or without my attendance. I did agree to try to do it next year, if I am available.”
Of course it would “go on,” Julia – but again, you made a commitment, right? Or *was* it truly just ‘attendance’?
“I did agree to try… if I’m available” – meaningless, insulting statement (“agree to TRY?”)
Hypocritical too – I’ll bet certain “celebrities” said they’d show up to her birthday parties and didn’t (“Julia’s party will go on without us…”), and you know she must have had a shit fit about it.
Yeah, “canceled my appearance” enraged me, as well. That is her typical self-aggrandizing Donkle-ese meant to evoke visions of clamoring fans awaiting their idol “walking the runway” for Dressed to Kilt “event.” Oh, well, they can keep their fingers crossed for next year!
But frankly, my obligation is to him, first and foremost…
What is exactly the problem with Jack McCain that he “needed” her so bad, that it would override her commitment to Wounded Warriors? What couldn’t wait? She acts like she is the nursemaid to a sickly child but Jack McCain is a grown man, in the Navy no less! He’s suppose to have a Warface and be all H is for Hardcore but can’t get along w/o his omg girlfriend longer than few days?
Did he need a shoulder to cry on, someone to wipe his bum or blow his nose, or cut the fucking crust off his PBJ? This makes absolutely no sense to me.
This! It makes both of them look like selfish little babies. I’m thinking that Jack is probably on the same level of “asshole” as Julia. They deserve each other.
It doesn’t make any sense because she is a fucking liar. She wanted to blow off her commitments and used Yack as an excuse. It’s one thing to blow off plans with a friend, but a charity event? Fuck you, Julie. You are a lying, disgusting sociopath. Have fun in Guam!
Blowing off charities because Pancakes is needy is the new blowing off Fashion Week because Cancer Dan has cancer.
Did he have cancer? I’d blow it off too if I was dating him and he just found out.
Dan was Julia’s jr prom date in HS. He did have cancer, but that’s not why Julia really bailed on Fashion Week.
win! and actually, afghani, dan’s cancer IS the reason julia bailed on fashion week (in addition to the fact that she’s super lazy/can never keep her commitments).
http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/79181298
Don’t worry Julia, they won’t ask you next year.
Hey, Jack needs her just as much as those blind Iraqi veterans with prosthetic limbs do. He is just as disadvantaged as they are.
… especially since Jack’s father was among those voting for and pushing to send those guys to Iraq and Afghanistan.
Yay McCains!
I’m assuming your military brothers support the war effort … they voluntarily enlisted, right?
They went to Annapolis. I’m not sure of their views on the war. My dad went to West Point, served 25 yrs (including Iraq when I was in college) and was *against* the war, for what it’s worth.
My one brother has been to Afghan 2x and Iraq 1x. I really don’t know his political views, but I’d respect them. My other brother was on a destroyer in the Gulf for a year, I don’t know his views either. Most military officers I know don’t talk politics. Generally frowned upon. However, it’s a fallacy to assume that they all agree with the war. My bros definitely don’t hold racist views like the McCains, though. No enthusiasm for “killing towel heads” like Julia’s wittle boy Jackie.
They also went to USNA before there was a war. I’m not seeing what agreeing or disagreeing with the war has to do with deciding to attend an academy? If you didn’t agree with aggression or war or military spending in general, I guess that’s why you wouldn’t go. However, a lot of people that go to the academies disagree with American spreading “regime change” or fighting “proactive wars”.
Some people at that go to the academies are dumb and deserve to be mocked for it–John and John Jack McCain are fucking dumb. Sorry, there, I said it. These are legacy admissions, pure and simple–the USNA selection committee didn’t have a choice in their cases because of powerful fathers. It wouldn’t matter what field they were in–they lack intellectual curiosity, culture, and logical thinking skills. John McCain makes George W Bush look like a genius. Seriously–have you heard McCain speak publicly lately? An atrocity, to be sure. What a fucking moron.
“I’m not sure of their views on the war.”
See, I just don’t get that …
You speak in absolutes about people who you went to school w/ or who your bros went to school w/ (as if you have a direct pipeline to their every thought & M.O. — I don’t think I’m the only one who finds this grating), but you don’t know how passionate or blasé your own bro’s are about the war(s) they’ve just spent a total of what, four tours of duty fighting?
Pipeline to what? Jack McCain blogged that he wanted to kill “rag heads” (or was it “towel heads”?). John McCain has a speaking and voting record you can look at; he is a civilian. For that matter, Jack and John are also on the record as being against ending DADT.
On the other hand, most military officers won’t discuss these things with you, unless you push the issue. They’re actually not supposed to do that, and most hold true to that. If I had to guess based on conversations, I’d say that my brothers supported going into Afghanistan but probably not Iraq, and not in favor of staying in either place now for the reason that trying to force democracy or change their way of life is extremely costly and not very effective. Their opinion is a lot more nuanced than “Yay, go USA!” which is probably why they weren’t in the USNA “century club” (bottom 10% of class) like both John and Jackass McCain. (“Let’s go get those ragheads! But make sure none of them there homosexuals can serve! Go USA! Pass the Budweiser!”)
“frankly” is always a tell for lying
As is “honestly,” which she also asserts in this neverending screed.
and don’t forget “literally”.
“The way they’ve labelled their flora is quite charming.”
Who fuck talks like this?
Donkeys who buy their frocks from shoppes.
And is “who fuck” a variation of “how fuck?” I like it.
Along with what fuck, where fuck, when fuck, and why fuck.
CAT LADIES! Ahem.
(tl;dr)
I’m going to be all freakishly sincere for a minute here because I am all lovey-dovey and got the catman to put a ring on it this week (JAB would hate it cause it isn’t a bling-y cocktail rock, but my tiny&cute hand only wanted a sparkly band, sorry – I mean, it came with an engagement trip to Ponza, so…am I HUMBLEBRAGGING?!).
This is seriously sad. SHE is seriously sad. This expired wax figure spent her entire youth aspiring to exactly what she’s seemingly wound up with (yeah, she imagined him taller and hotter, but one assumes she also imagined her face holding up past 30 as well) and now she’s delivering some stale manifesto that most 22-year-old sorority girls wail into their vodka-and-sodas on the eve of graduation when their b-school bound dudes head for 80-hour-weeks but they just really aren’t suuuuuuuuure if they should follow them, not to mention peppering it with the most false, antiquated adage of all time? She’s a shell of a real person. I am actually sorry for her.
Love is begging for forgiveness when you fuck up because you can’t bear the thought of losing what you have, Julia. In the beginning, it’s being so excited by the person you’re with that you just want to stare at his face all day, every day (that’s one of the best parts!) The beginning is also lots and lots of sex. Dammit, lady, if you were into this dude at all your entire Twitter stream would just be the winky face. HAVE SOME SEX ALREADY.
And fuck her previous distance makes the heart grow fonder crap. When my OMGFIANCE! and I figured out we were in love, our priority was how we could get our crazy work schedules to let us be in the same metropolis more of the time. It was not all, “yes, him working in London for the next 12 months is spectacular, because I can visit but also do my own thing!” It was awful! Realizing things like this is not sacrificing your happiness for his, it’s realizing that you are happier with him and determining how to make it work, not chalking it up to some life lesson on giving everything up because you’re 30 or whatever.
This is the first time I’ve actually pitied her.
Yeah, Julia. This revelation is altogether embarrassing considering your age. Of course, I don’t believe for a second that you had this revelation at all, but rather pieced it together believing it to be some deep, intellectual screed. What’s sad is how very not in love you are, nor have you ever been. I’ll even be nice and say 30 isn’t too old! It could still happen! Let it unfold, Julie! Just fall in love for real, instead of with what you think it’s supposed to be.
In love with $$$ counts, doesn’t it?
Congratulations on your engagement to your cat!
This.
It’s obvious she’s never been in love, because whenever she goes on and on about her exes, it’s about the things they bought her (Five Dresses, trips abroad, shoes) or their fuck you money/fame status (Tim Ferriss, Toph, Jakob). Like it’s a game and she’s racking up points. If she ever really loved any of them, she’d keep her mouth shut, because love isn’t never having to say your sorry– it’s not exploiting each other.
Whoops, my inner Meghannaise got loose. *you’re.
Also, cong-catulations!
Congrats, FaFail! You must feel so. blessed. that your opinions are now officially valid and you will soon UNDERSTAND!
Allow me to echo the con-cat-ulations!!
Everything you said here is so perfect and wonderful that I have nothing to add. Which makes sense, because you are in the process of wife-ing your catman, and I am not so much. Your existence is therefore more legitimate than mine.
Aww congrats!
Congratulations on your engagement!
Congrats!
Congratulations!
And your points are dead on. She’s so desperate to have a boring marriage like her parents already that she’s forgetting that you’re supposed to fall in love first.
This women used to make money giving other people dating advice.
Also, her track record when it comes to recounting what the men in her life have said to her is pretty fucking bleak. I think she’s lying. Again. Some more.
This makes sense to me. He’s living in a new state, totally alone. Obviously he’s lonely, bored, etc.
obviously he’s lonely, bored…
… which is why it’s great he’s in the Navy and has a built-in group of friends/comrades. and he’s in SoCal, so he could ummmm go to the beach and have fun and meet girls on his down time.
There’s something really weird about him glomming onto a failed fameball, especially if he really did ask her to “come home”.
IS it a new state? He’s living in a family-owned residence …
Yes, but he was in Florida and Maryland the last 6 years, so it kind of is a new state for him. Still doesn’t explain anything, because he’s a Navy guy and those guys usually hang around with each other a lot unless they’re weirdos. And SoCal beaches >>>> spending time with a braying “expired” failbot.
He’s the the son John McCain, fly’s a helo, wealthy and is in the Navy; he must have a really tough time making friends.
That’s why I’m saying there’s something wrong with this kid. He wasn’t that popular at the academy, he was basically a lump on a log, and I can’t figure out why, but the fact he wants Julia in his life really speaks volumes.
Well now…
This scenario kind of / sort of starts to make me feel a sadz for him. Like maybe, just maybe despite the whole McCain legacy and rich mom thing, maybe he’s a lost soul (????).
How do you know he was unpopular at the academy? I mean, i can totally see it being the case, i would just like some more information is all!
Do not question the Afghani. Afghani knows all.
first, how is jack going to survive in guam for months at a time without this dumbass if he can’t handle a week without her before he demands she return? sounds really stable.
second, he sounds like the most boring boyfriend ever. ALL of their actvities revolve around the navy. Date to navy museum! visit naval academy! Watch military movies! wow, sounds like he has some really broad interests. When do you get to do things JULIA likes? like, pose for muse photos and look at bright colors?!?!
I think it’s all done in the spirit in “sacrificing” and dedicating herself to putting him first, yadda-yadda because she’s stockpiling brownie points right now to be redeemed at some point in the near future when she’s bored with playing the good girlfriend and gets to “what have you done for me lately?”
“… promptly departed for three other cities (SF, then Chicago, then Sweden, then back to Chicago)”
Glad you caught that. It made me want to gouge my eyes out.
Does she think her “readers” are so fucking clueless that she could not just say “Gothenberg*” and trust that her “followers” would recall where fuck (see what I did there?) last week?
* can’t be bothered to check spelling. WOULD be so inclined if I were a blogger of influence hosted by Volvo and West Sweden Tourism Council. Ahem.
it’s obvs all those new followers her internationally syndicated column is bringing in.
You couldn’t possibly understand, having never ventured outside the confines of your basement, but there is no difference between cities and countries for perpetual motion machines such as Donk who are at home nowhere and yet everywhere. It’s a strange, seemingly mutually exclusive product of a peripatetic life.
Now she wants recipes. Shouldn’t she go to Jordan’s blog for help? I mean, reals.
“It has come to my attention that after six years dining out in Manhattan, I am not a skilled chef. Er … oops?
….
Does anyone know of a great beginner’s-I-really-don’t-want-to-spend-five-hours-in-the-kitchen-making-this blog or website?”
i just don’t understand adults who don’t know their way around google and amazon….
I just kant with this one.
It’s not that she doesn’t understand Google & Amazon; it’s that they just don’t fawn over her like her obedient Scary Sadshaws and Kazakhstani Facebook friends do.
Interesting: Fatty Kate responded!
Fatty Kate has suggested something with carbs, gluten, dairy and meat. Hahahahaha. To which Julie has responded something like OMGthankssohelpful xoxo!!!!!!
So obviously she will just be cooking this for Mr Pancakes, and will sit and watch him eat whilst taking her daily allotted sips of tequila.
Hot.
How dare you Fatty Kate. As a woman, Julia can’t have pasta.
I was wrong, sorry. It’s “Katie Greer” – someone else (see the photo). When Julia said “Kate” I assumed it was Fatty Kate. I wonder if *Julia* thought it was Fatty Kate too.
I would LOVE to see her try some of Jordan’s janked out recipes!
I looooooveee this! playing house with Julier! fantastic turn of events.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592576079/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_2?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1567615236&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1MXSPNNY2XYF0CWM9V1F
What? Is she withholding the cranberry guacamole recipe for when she gets an engagement ring?
[arrested_development_geekery]Here, Buster, have a candy bar. No, wait. I’m withholding it. Look at me, getting off![/arrested_development_geekery]
Funny how that works, things ‘coming to Donkey’s ATTN’ shortly after coincidentally being mentioned on RBD.
Shuddup, Donkey. Just STFU & dance faster, you co-dependent spaz.
my takeaway from this was: I-really-don’t-want-to-spend-five-hours-
in-the-kitchen-making-this blog.Something about this ‘tee hee its so cute that I can’t cook’ bullshit makes me see RED. Maybe because since I’ve been cooking since I was 9. She is a supertool.
Cooking is hard! There are measurements and stuff that you have to do when you follow recipes and we all know that girls can’t do math because it is hard! Tee hee!
Yeah, but in all seriousness, my parents threw a chicken at me when I was about 9 and told me to cook it for dinner. Sorry, but not being able to cook isn’t a badge of honor.
So i am an old and was kind of a woman child at 30 (not even close to Julie in fuckedupness) and i could cook LOTS of different meals. Very healthy meals too.
My abilities are better now (8 years later), but fuck, i could certainly make more than salad. How could i do this? Cooking meals for friends/lovers. So! I guess this confirms Julie’s lack of friends?
Here’s where I confess to keeping take-out menus in my refridgerator while I was single. (I live in New York where there are numerous options.) Sure, I could make about 5 (not necessarily healthy) things well, but cooking just wasn’t an interest of mine.
I’m not proud of it and I don’t think I was cute because of it.
Fortunately, I’m now living with a cat who loves to cook and my overall health has improved because of him.
I-really-don’t-want-to-spend-five-hours-in-the-kitchen-making-this.
She is staying at his place rent free, he just watched her dog for a week, and he just flew his nontraining helo for the first time after years of training and studying (imagine a doctor’s first solo surgery or an attorneys first day in court). Most people would want to celebrate and make a special dinner to match their mate’s generosity and professional milestone. On the other hand, Julia just complains she doesn’t want to invest tots of time in it.
well, in her defense, her plastic pelts really can’t take being around sustained heat for that long.
FlapJack ought to re-think the whole domesticated donkey concept — does he really want her melty face dripping near his food?
Considering how much free time she has on her hooves, she should be happy to immerse herself in a cooking project. Also, it’s nauseating that she’s 30 years old and still calling attention to the fact that she can’t cook. Give me a break. Pick a recipe and follow the directions. Not that hard.
“…it has occurred to me that a successful relationship means (besides never having to say you’re sorry) breaking the habit of only considering your own career, family and friendships. With this in mind, I canceled my appearance at the Dressed to Kilt event, canceled the DC trip, and moved the second portion of my New York trip (to do press & meetings for my new column) to next week, so Jack and I could have two uninterrupted weeks in the same physical location.”
She’s so screwed. She’s totally giving him all the power in this relationship, so naturally it’s always going to be lopsided, and she’s never going to be happy. There’s no balance here, no give and take, no compromise. The statement about considering your partner’s needs and not just your own blows my mind. That’s step 1, sweetie. She’s got a long way to go. Can she tell the difference between being manipulated and being wanted? I think not. Any attention is good attention to her.
Being in love means having to say you’re sorry all the time. Being in love with the right person makes you want to be a better version of yourself, for them. So when I’m acting like a complete ASS to my fiance because I’m stressed, or tired, or hungover, I realize it, stop, and apologize. It’s not that hard, Julia! Nobody wants to marry a selfish, needy asshole, and they both sound like selfish, needy assholes. Is she just some elaborate joke? Am I being trolled? I just don’t understand how she exists.
Agreed. And …
‘With this in mind, I canceled my appearance at the Dressed to Kilt event, canceled the DC trip, and moved the second portion of my New York trip (to do press & meetings for my new column) to next week, so Jack and I could have two uninterrupted weeks in the same physical location.”
THIS IS THE MOST ANNOYING HUMBLEBRAG EVER!!!! ‘Jack and I ‘ ,
‘ Cancelled my appearance! ‘ With this in mind’ Blah blah blah! ASSHOLE!
Maybe her mother did this? Gave up her career? Put family first? Like so many women of that generation?
“I just don’t understand how she exists.”
FTW
Professional writer Julia Allison: “I don’t feel Jack eats very well”
Er…oops?
It’s been said above, but that comment about her first obligation being to Jack is just unreal.
This has been a good Donk day!!
I love that she feels as though she has some sort of authority on “eating well.” Turkey and yogurt isn’t that bad, sure it’s processed but still, her version of healthy includes what? Cans of chili, cupcakes, chocolate bars and Blueprint Cleanse?
The couple that cleanses together stays together? Somehow I don’t think so.
Just get help already.
making lists for him, nagging, monitoring his diet – it’s all so weird and matronly. I get this image of her licking her thumb and leaning down to wipe a little schmutz off his face. Maybe there’s some kinky role play going on involving a diaper and a pacifier… ew-ew-ewww! Must. Get. Back. To my Happy Place…
Julie, YOU do not eat very well.
I would love, love, love it if, in response to her plea for easy recipe websites, someone suggested Ramshackle Glam. I would die, in fact.
They did. Twice. And she posted the responses.
I think it’s interesting that we’re all looking at the same data set, yet two camps of catladies have developed two diametrically opposed viewpoints on young Flapjacks. One thinks he is domineering and controlling because he wheedled her into altering his schedule for him, and all their activities have involved war movies and naval events rather than… I don’t know, romantic comedies and pedicures. The other catladies just as fervently believe that he is a simpering dog-sitting mama’s boy.
I don’t have a theory one way or another — I don’t think I have enough information to confidently defend either side. But I definitely have noticed that I tend to see reflected in Julia whatever personal faults are driving me crazy in the people closest to me.
Should be: altering HER schedule for him. Ugh, why do I write anything after ten p.m.
Hell, Mini, I’m onto a brand new theory now!
Megatits knows Donkey is a whackjob, no doubt, but she’s wholeheartedly endorsing this shit show — maybe it’s an elaborate plan to get wide-stance Donkey to foal a burro whom FlapJack can ultimately gain sole custody of, because, as anyone knows, Donkey isn’t even mentally fit to own a dog?
(of course I’m being facetious; it’s almost 1:00 a.m., I’m loopy)
I don’t have an opinion of him because there is not sufficient data really.
I judge their relationship as false because Julie is a gold digger and he does not seem to possess the qualities that usually attract her (beyond name and money that is).
So can there be a third camp, or is everyone pretty much in this camp??
Can I be in your camp? Do you have hot chocolate with marshmallows and a lake with a canoe? And some lanyards?
A pink tent?
Is one of the counsellors named Bolt Bus Bitch?
I agree almost everything we know about Jack is processed through the Julia’s pink eyes, addled brain, and self serving blog (i.e. she throws him under the bus whenever it serves a purpose).
I’d rather trust a blind sherpa in the Sahara than Julia’s ability to accurately relate information and people’s interactions with her.
He might be completely normal, an introvert, a castrated dwarf motherboy, or a cocky domineering asshole, etc. The only semi-reliable 3rd party information on his personality is that expose on him pre-USNA.
However, regardless of its accuracy, the picture that Julia paints of him is not a pleasant one; she makes him look like a dependent needy spoiled crybaby.
BTW gtfo out my tent, I was here first and my dog does not like cats
* I agree. Almost everything we know about Jack is processed through Julia’s pink eyes, addled brain, and self serving blog (i.e. she throws him under the bus whenever it serves a purpose).
This is seriously becoming embarrassing.
Oh, I wasn’t saying there were only two schools of thought (or camps of opinion, or strip malls of theory) or that everyone fell into one or the other. These were just the two that stood out, both for their conviction and their incredible divergence.
Is Matt Dillon at the boy’s camp across the lake? Does he smoke and walk around with his shirt unbuttoned? Does he hook up with Kristy McNichol?
FUCK YEAH!
Oh Dr. Gary, I love those dark 70′s teen movies. I grew up on them and I miss them. ( and I just wrote a dark teen movie partly inspired by that feeling).
I don’t really have an opinion of Pancakes. I don’t think it matters to her whether he is a nice guy or not. Julia is a braying hurricane of desperation and delusion and wants what she wants when she wants it. He’s just a vapid high status marker like everything else in her life.
Pancakes, cupcakes, downtown condo, business school, Ivy League, tiny and cute = same thing.
I can’t figure it out either. All *I* have to go on is the public reputation of his father, JA’s presentation, and all that is put out there for public consumption. It just doesn’t fit together perfectly. She sold her soul a long time ago for micro-fame so I think the only thing she sees is !!!!!!!McCAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!
If this romance presented itself with a nobody, every day, salt-of-the-earth guy, it would be over.
You guys, she explained to Volvo that she’ll try to write about her trip to Sweden next year, if she’s available.
Seriously?
Slain! Hilareballz, it seems like something she would really do.
haha, no. because she said she would try to go to that charity event next year, if she’s available. which she won’t be.
Dr. Bobby is the NYC Groupon today. Just putting that out there.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
THIS MUST BE STOPPED!
Today’s NYC Groupon is for Dr. Bobby. Uh, PASS!
yeah, only 15 people have bought, 35 more needed to make it happen. looks like it’s not gonna.
Amazing and appropriate.
Holy shit, so MANY of those are greatly JAB-appropriate outside of the perfect one you have selected. Experiments in Dating? The IKEA (and meatballs, but Sweden has so much more to offer) Effect? The Truth Behind Your Facebook? Monkey See, Monkey Buy? Why Guys Give (five dresses and let you choose which one you love best)? Overcoming Overconfidence?
Awesome find.