If Donk even shows up at SXSW, and I am beginning to doubt it, she’s going to pull out the violins at her little session and weep about “online bullying” and how she has been a terrible, innocent victim of this dreadful plague and she intends to devote her life to stamping it out.
Here’s what she won’t mention.
The BoltBus girl.
Remember her? That bitch who had the gall not to obey Donkey’s orders and stop talking on her cellphone on a bus ride from D.C. to New York two years ago? And for that disobedience, Donkey posted the woman’s photo on her blog, called her an asshole, a wench, and said she wanted to physically assault her.
Just another example of how nice Princess Pelts is. Everyone knows it! We’d know it too if we’d only get to know her! She is awesome, beautiful, smart and sexy! What, you don’t think so? THEN YOU ARE A BULLY.
Other things Donk will fail to mention:
— The time she Tweeted about Rosie O’Donnell’s fight with her wife. Gossip doesn’t interest her, bunnies! Except when it does! (p.s. Thanks, commenters, for reminding me about this one).
— The time she publicly threatened to kick the ass of a New York Post reporter who called it a “con” that Eater Guy had once dated her.
— The time she shit all over a Google party on her blog. If you can’t say anything nice online, bunnies, step away from your laptops! Unless, of course, you’re Julie Albertson and you’ve attended a shitty party!
— The fact that she has relentlessly solicited Twitter and Facebook friends and followers, and directed them to her “lifecast,” for years. Positive feedback only, bunnies!
— That she has Tweeted 8,000 times in less than three years, including intimate details of her personal life while frequently invading the privacy of the poor fools stupid enough to spend time with her.
— That she has amassed hundreds of Facebook fans and friends, and frequently regales them with stomach-churning “look at me, I’m hot” photos from her latest pointless fauxto shoot.
— That instead of ignoring the relatively small crowd of Tumblr users and Facebook friends and various other associates who have had to deal with her lunacies in real life and have gathered at Reblogging Nonsociety and now, Reblogging Donk, she has been consumed with destroying them. So consumed that she arranged for at least four people to be personally contacted and threatened (if she didn’t do it herself). One was even called at work by someone claiming to be “Jack McCain’s lawyer.” Another is someone she has accused of being behind RBNS, and he wasn’t, isn’t, and never has been. But she’s anti-bullying, y’all!
— That she pretended an ex’s e-mail “wasn’t working,” and so sent his bride-to-be a cunty little message alleging that years ago, he banged a Donkey while he was also banging her. To add insult to injury, she recently defended that act of Monstrous Cuntitude by saying the fiancee had a right to know she was marrying a cheat. OK then. Does Pancakes have a right to know that he’s involved with a chronic one, according to Donk’s own online confessions over the years? Wait, I’d better stop right there! I AM BULLYING!
— That she endlessly uses her blog to settle personal scores. Like when she called Mary a cranky bitch and published their e-mail exchange without Mary’s permission. And when she also trash-talked Mary for “pulling a dress” that was not pink and did not showcase Donkey’s tits for a TMI Weakly segment. And when she started to spread the rumor, via anonymous e-mails to various interested parties, that Mary, her “sister,” was an alcoholic. So! Nice!
— That she publicly cuckolded Prom King more than once. Weeks before they broke up and she went right off her nut, she posted that she didn’t love him. She also suggested, while “practically living with PK,” that she was still hung up on REDACTED2 when she posted this bullshit:
What if, indeed …
So for Donkey to present herself as an innocent victim of a mob of demented loons who despise her for no reason at all is rich. Her problem is this: She’s so utterly enthralled with herself that she simply cannot fathom that the rest of the world doesn’t feel the same way. Her issue is not that she’s being bullied, it’s that she’s not being adored. Because she is dumb and demented herself, she is confusing criticism with bullying. No, Donkey. You are not the victim of online bullying. It is abhorrent for you to compare yourself to some poor gay kid who gets the shit kicked out of him every day at school.
You are the victim of your own public stage show — one you invited THOUSANDS of people to watch — and you just can’t handle it that the reviews are scathing. It’s called critical comment, dingbat, not bullying.