Honey? Your expiration date is showing.
Dear God. Her Miss Havisham is showing too.
I love your handle!
God still that photo! I could stare it all day, I think. The puffy moonface. The bloated corpse arms. The hoofclaws grabbing at the dress. It’s mesmerizing in its awfulness.
I love how she’s hunching her shoulders, trying to pop her clavicle so that she’ll look thin.
Donkey looks like the guy’s crazy old spinster aunt.
Now it just like she’s someone with a clavicle and really bad posture.
a clavicle made out of rebar.
And a face approaching bulldog proportions and perkiness.
Time goes on and youth is gone, and you can’t straighten up when you bend.
Her clavicle could double as a necklace. That thing is freaky.
Who the fuck is that dude that willingly showed up to participate in this joke, and why on earth will Pancakes be ok with JABA posing for some ridiculous photos with random strange men? I mean after, he stops laughing hysterically, of course. I can’t see a dude like Pancakes thinking this is in anyway a worthwhile use of time and resources.
Pancakes is just in the game for the poontang.
I know right? This is genius on Donkey’s part. As soon as Pancakes sees this picture you just know he is going to fly his Navy helicopter out to New York, parachute onto that dude in the middle of the street and beat the FUCK out of him for trying to marry Julia before he got a chance to propose!
Well done Julie, well done.
“I can’t see a dude like Pancakes thinking this is in anyway a worthwhile use of time and resources.”
LOL @ you thinking that Pancakes has any respect for worthwhile uses of time/resources.
You realize Pancakes only got into USNA because his dad is a Senator, right? And he didn’t even get into USNA the first time he applied–they required him to attend NAPS for a year to remediate his math. Even still, he finished something like 1005th in a graduating class of ~1080. And that’s after having all the advantages in life such as going to Brophy Prep (fairly prestigious AZ private HS), uber-rich parents, and currying the favor of USNA upper classmen who probably gave him better makes for “performance” than he deserved. (According to my brothers, this is commonplace–if your dad can pull strings, you get treated with kid gloves. Lots of admirals and retired officers have kids @ USNA)
Pancakes got into chopper school even though his grades were horrible and he seems like a douchebag. (Thank god they apparently rejected him for flying jet fighters–no one picks helicopters over jets, because its universally seen as the lowest rung. **Especially bc he’s flying a transport chopper doing routine resupply trips, not flying one of the Navy’s better helicopters.** He’s gotten away with everything–being dumb, having no discipline, blowing money on flying random fucks in from Chicago, etc. His Dadster is every bit as crazy as Julia’s. His idea of “worthwhile use of time/resources” is probably similar to Julia’s. So LOL @ anyone thinking her fauxtoshoots bother Senor Yack McCain. He’s just as snotty as she is. Wake up and smell the coffee.
eh, while he may be incredibly stupid and lazy and only got where he is because of his family connections, at least he is doing something with his life. he is working, he is being productive, he is serving his country. and, while they may go ‘easy’ on him because of his family, I don’t think jack mccain can hire an intern to pilot the helicopters for him.
meanwhile, julia stews in her week-old juicy sweats in ‘her’ condo…
This. Even as McCain, I doubt military life is a bed of rose petals, and at least Jack isn’t a life-sapping cancer on society like Donkey.
I think he sees drinking beer and slipping dollars into gstrings as a more worthwhile use of time than….whatever she’s doing.
But that’s just how I read that.
is she his beard? does yack have any substantiated ex girlfriends?
To quote the great Baugher, every little thing she does is tragic.
Every little thing she does turns me off!
Even though her life before was magic, now I know my scorn for her grows on.
you’re on fire with the song lyrics today, Ms. LaRue.
she takes fauxtos of herself a thousand times a day
brays “won’t someone marry me before my expiry-date?”
But the ceiling cat has gripped her
long before she drops the phone
and she’s vomming in the shower
she will always be alooooooooone.
First time commenting, but I am in love with you people.
A co-worker just showed me facebook photos of a friend of hers from Staten Island. She’s 50. Remarkable resemblance to Jackles up there, except it’s possible that Julia is wearing more makeup.
Sorry to have kinderwhore sensibilities, but can someone steal that beautiful dress off of that shriveled middle aged escort and give it to me? I really like it and she’s tarnishing its prettiness.
All I could think was “OH MY GOD GET THE DRESS OUT OF THE STREET YOU AREN’T PICKING IT UP ENOUGH YOU ARE GOING TO RUIN IT”.
does she think this obvious attempt to be like YOOOHOOO I WANT TO GET MARRIED ASAP? will go unnoticed by the Pancakes family? i mean they’re a load of morons but girl is in a white dress with some dude in a tux. any normal dude would run for the hills if their girlfriend did this a few months into a relationship.
i just can’t wait to see her fall on her face, fellow catladies. when the donkey is riding this high (SO TINY! SO CUTE! SO IMPORTANT! TRIBUNE COLUMN! SO CLOSE TO GETTING MY FAMOUS HUUUURRRSSBAND SO THAT I CAN FINALLY STOP TRYING!) its bound to be a brilliant fall.
Why do you want Donkey to stop? I’m enjoying the freakshow, especially knowing that the epic craycray climax is yet to come!
You’re killing me with the Judge Judy gifs. Love her. She’s such a NY bitch.
who’s playing her son in this shot?
Kyle MacLachlan, circa 1986. Sooo vintage!!! With Julia typecast as much older, batshit insane Isabella Rossellini. Pity poor Flapjacks with what is about to unfold.
Yeah, when I think about who will play Donkey in my forthcoming biopic (my inspirations are Grey Gardens and Sunset Boulevard), I think either Helena Bonham Carter or Isabella Rossellini. HBC still looks a bit too youthful, but I think IR could pull it off since she’s nearly 60.
Isabella is NEARLY old enough for the lead in the Donk biopic. However, I looked at that blood chilling fauxto again and thought HAMMER HORROR!!! Seriously. Is Christoper Lee around the corner? And is Julie being played by the late Ingrid Pitt as she transforms into bloodthirsty, rapidly aging countess Elisabeth Bathory?
How can you ignore JACKIE STALLONE? And JACKIE COLLINS? Also, Kirstie Alley.
donkey must be acting like a super-bitch on this fauxtoshoot, because fromme has to REALLY hate her to post this picture on twitpic.
Always too much effing makeup.
The tranny gun was set to tsunami!
I think the “For rent” in the background makes a very nice commentary on the picture.
Beat me to it. Best part for sure.
I’m concerned because that expression makes her look like she’s about to hurl, yet she’s nowhere near a shower.
Tony Stark was able to build that necklace better in a cave… with a box of scraps.
Got, that Pancakes? Do you get the message, dummy? If you like it better put a ring on it!
Got, that Pancakes? Do you get the message, dummy? If you don’t put a ring on that hoof before she expires, some younger, richer, more suave Mr. Big is going to do it and set her up in an UES townhouse.
That’s only a few blocks from my apartment… I REALLY wish I stumbled across this.
She’s in the middle of the fucking street. Is that safe without a clearly visible DONKEY CROSSING sign up?[img]http://www.hawaiihighways.com/pelletier-donkey-crossing.jpg[/img]
Anyone have contact info for the photographer? I wish to preemptively purchase these photos for a very large sum of money before a bidding war erupts between Vogue and Vanity Fair.
Anyone have contact info for the photographer? I wish to preemptively purchase these photos for a very large sum of money before a bidding war erupts between Vogue and Vanity Fair.
So many things wrong with this. The dress is sort of fug. Her face looks like a mask. That necklace. Her posture. The “apartments for ret” sign. It’s just all sorts of fail.
F for ballgowns. F- for bling.
As a picture, there’s nothing good about it at all, everything’s pretty wrong. Facial expression, dress, blocking the guy completely, “for rent”.. yeah, it’s a lot of fail. And so, so pointless.
Slightly OT, but Vie from Vie Society has NYFW coverage that’s ten times better than the Donkey’s and she wasn’t even AT Fashion Week.
She has scores of photos of dresses and even put up a makeup tutorial from the Kors show. Whereas Donks, who was there all day all week, has a litany of photos of herself. Nothing about the shows, nothing about the backstage craziness, just photos of her own freaky face.
You just know that Donk’s is pissed that Jamie blew up her tired routine of the so important suspense build-up. Showing the OMFG gowns and Rajamamamamading-dong-bling and OMFG candids! Jules, it is not just your twenties that are slipping away, you seem to have lost your touch…”always in control of what you put out there.” Hard to make the usual diva demands of a pro bono photog, huh?
Wow. She looks so old with all that makeup out in the natural light. And I am seriously not just saying that to snark. If I didn’t know she was about to turn 30 (aka expire), I’d say she was mid-40s. No joke.
Julie, you want to snag a husband? Take off all the friggin’ makeup, put on some jeans + a t-shirt and stop acting like such a cunt. Just be cool. I have a lot of sexy dresses, heels, a train case full of makeup. But I almost never wear/use any of it. I usually wear jeans, t-shirts and sneakers. #1. more comfy #2. every time I leave the house dressed like that? My cathus always says, ‘hey hun, you look really sexy in your sneakers today.’ Get it? Guys like a down to earth girl. Not some batshit crazy princess fairy psycho who thinks she’s in a Taylor Swift video.
“Batshit Crazy Princess Fairy Psycho” kind of sums her right up. Brilliant.
This! Men like women not covered in pancake. The more natural the better. If you are comfortable with yourself, they will be comfortable with you. If you are insane and crazy, watch them run.
“If you are comfortable with yourself, they will be comfortable with you.”
I think this is the key bit for me. I often wear bright red lipstick or do obnoxious cat’s-eye things (so appropriate!) with my eyeliner, but I really like it, so my cathusband has stupid pet names for when my eyeliner is particulary flick-y and we move on. I never feel like Julia is wearing spackle makeup because she just likes wearing a shitload of makeup; it’s because she thinks this will make her look young and thin and sexually attractive to men. For someone who basically lives on the internet, I have no sense of her actual personality. Besides the sociopathic cuntiness, of course.
Yes. I agree with this completely. She is spackling that shit on to ‘cover up’ her perceived problems, not to express herself stylistically. For we all know she is as aesthetically bereft as she is intellectually bereft.
I totally agree with this. It’s like a mask. She never changes it up AT ALL. You think one day she’d bust out some purple or green eyeshadow or bright pink lips and have some fun with it. I like spackle-ing it on sometimes but I actually get artsy with it. She looks like a Jersey housewife on “date night.”
How fuck? Does she have a Segway under there?
Best comment EVER.
LOL. COTD. As soon as I scrolled up to the pic, I laughed (giggled? chortled? gurgled?)
Invisible Segway! I’m ruined. So perfect.
I crazy laughed at this comment.
I’m hearing the Wicked Witch of the West’s bicycle music.
That is, when I’m not hearing classic Looney Tunes “zipping away” sound effects.
Sandra Bullock is near her mid-40′s, has less facial plastic surgery than Donk, and looks younger than Julia Bitchface Allison:
Yes. She is probably wearing less make up to attend the Oscars than Julie is wearing for her Expiration Date Photo Shoot.
I recently saw The Proposal, where SB plays an excruciatingly selfish and annoying character, and all, ALL I could think of was how Donksterish she was.
She’s saying goodbye to her 20s by saying goodbye to her 30s, too.
Mother of fuck that is WAAAAAAY too much pancake on her face.
By the looks of it, no one answered her call for a hairstylist who can do vintage looks WELL, on one day’s notice.
I don’t get it. So the hag likes photoshoots. So the hag loves her fug face. So the hag has an odd habit of collecting excessive photos of herself.
So WHAT is the point of these fauxtoshoots beyond smug bragging material on her blog and Facebook?! And for all that trouble to do them, what actually becomes of these endless pics?
This will be yet another mysterious fauxtoshoot that goes nowhere but her sick little maturbation museum, I assume. Just like all those pointless early NS photoshoots. Or the NS photoshoot with them in ballgowns and on a jet. Or her in fug ballgowns clomping around in the public library. Or the Monica de Moaner photoshoot.
As we all can see, bitch ain’t all that, so I don’t get it. I *sorta* got the point of her early photoshoots for TONY back when she was remotely hot for a hot sec, but what gives now with this constant fauxtoshoot shit? Just to feed her freaky ego??
Ugh. Bitch be crazy.
(Then again, so is Mary. Talk about yet another old-faced hag delusionally in love with herself enough to regularly stage these goofy-assed fauxtoshoots.)
Non-Society seems to breed old faced hags because I saw a photo of Crystal Ingotoya or whatever the one is who claims to be a Fabulous Foodie and she looked like a woman in her forties. You pay for hooking up with Julia, you pay with yo’ face.
“You pay for hooking up with Julia, you pay with yo’ face.”
This may be in part because I can’t stop reading this in the voice of Omar off “The Wire,” but I can’t. stop. laughing.
I can’t stop laughing, either! Don’t pal with Big Edie and for God’s sake, don’t screw her, or “You pay with yo’ face!”
This recent obsession with posting non-stop pics of herself (not that it is new, but it has been EXCEPTIONALLY bad an noticeable during this most recent FW) and the back-to-back ‘photo shoots’ of herself just makes it clear that as much as she fucking loves looking at herself, she is pathetically insecure deep inside. She needs to see a million pictures of herself looking gorgeous (in her mind) so she can convince herself she isn’t an ug. She is vainly insecure.
Honestly, is it OK to drag loaned dresses in the street? I mean, I would be sooo careful!
Just fixin’ me name.
that’s the first thing that popped into my head. or maybe it was “what is glenn close doing on here?”.
does she have no respect? oh, wait..
Donkey has never had a problem destroying property or letting Lilly shit on the floor of public places where she’s not even supposed to be, so I’m sure that dragging this dress all over the dirty street wouldn’t bother her in the least. She is entitled to do whatever she pleases because she’s Momser’s and Dadser’s special Julia!
If anyone says boo Donkey will just set Dasder, Attorney at LOL on them.
The hem of that dress is no doubt a filthy soiled mess now. I don’t understand stupid bitches who insist on wearing these long-ass dresses in NYC.
Like Camille Grammer on the RHoBH, wearing that red thing just to spite Kelsey, who told her it’d be destroyed in the pissing rain and filth of the gutter between the limo and the red carpet. Some people just don’t care, not their problem. Ugh, disgusting.
You know what she reminds me of here? All of those art projects that seemed to appear at the same time in the last few years: Old Superheroes in Nursing Homes. The Rest of the Fairy Tale (Snow White with seven midgets and seven toddlers, looking ready to eat her own face). What happened AFTER the story ended and spared us the misery and decay, except here is the misery and decay. I’m quite certain she thinks she looks like Cinderella running from the ball because the clock is striking midnight, and SOMEONE SOMEWHERE has that enormous glass hoof-clopper she left behind. Oh my god, if she only knew how terribly those stories always end — or, if not in terror, at least in crushing banality. Poor, poor melting sociopath. Poor Princess.
Just thought you catpeeps would like to see what just popped up in my Twitter feed while I was running ye olde errands at my desk:
@randizuckerberg: Looking for someone in NYC to be a social media advocate within the journalist community http://on.fb.me/gRtOet
Now that has gotta chap Miss Julia’s much-fautographed ass.
oops, left off the RT that indicates this was a retweet of Miss Randi’s crowdsourcing.
Key words “within the journalist community” which Donkey will never be, in any town, anywhere.
The woman is seriously disturbed. The Princess obsession with princesses is creepy, though completely captures JA’s mentality on life and love. “If I can just capture my prince, everything will be fine.” with absolutely no thought to everything that comes afterward.
I checked her photog’s twitter stream. HOW MANY DRESSES is she trying on in this photoshoot? What is she going to do with all of these pictures?
She’s really off the charts this year. It’s just…mortifying. Really pathetic. Well done, Jules, well done.
that intern’s got buns, hun.
Meanwhile, Donkey’s got a dancer’s bun. So flattering.
Hot damn. Intern has long, ratty, split-end hair down to her ass. Shiny blue leggings. And a classic blue blazer? Holy fuckballs.
P.S. Adjusting your boss’s earrings and spending all day at a fauxto shoot is not real intern work, Donks. How exactly is this going to be a stellar opportunity to break into the world of new media?
Oh. My. God. She looks like some Russian oligarch’s second trophy wife who’s about to be exchanged for a newer model.
oh my god. THIS.
So I’d like to know what part of the internship laws apply to working on Julie’s vanity fauxtoshoot?
She’s graduated to evil step-mother.
“I said TRANNY, not TRAINWRECK!”
But … Donkey IS a tranwreck!
OH MY GOD. She looks like my mother there. 100%. I’ll admit it, my mom’s kind of intense and scary looking. Sorry, mom. She’s also 52.
From @nicolejames: Is that Leighton Meester’s Mom? She looks familiar! Too much makeup though…way too much.
I just saw that this is the ‘cinderella’ shoot, but I would actually call it the ‘ugly stepsister #2′ shoot.
The one on the left looks like Julia in that infamous video… you know, the one with the red hair and the red eyebrow arches of doom, where she keeps making the frighten-the-children faces.
You win at the internet today, or at least *my* internetz.
I can’t believe that the shoot has an effing Princess theme. That’s so creepy. Now, I think it’s creepy when grown adults honeymoon at Disney World. I think it’s creepy when grown women festoon themselves in Hello Kitty (a la Kimora Lee Simmons). I think it’s extra creepy when Julia, for her 30th birthday, has a Princess-themed photo shoot. Honey, you’re thirty. The Disney Princesses were all supposed to be teenagers/young adults. Professor Fuck Camping could probs write a whole thesis on the psychological meaning behind Julia having a Princess Fauxtoshoot for her 30th birthday.
The comments in this thread have been gold star. I am killing myself.
Julia thinks you and the rest of America should do just that!
Haha! I forgot about that. Why did she want america to kill themselves? Because they were reading trash?
I was just coming over here to post this pic and all I could think to add was, “oh, dear.”
Great cat ladiez think alike!
The corpse is aliveeeeeee!
She’d make a good zombie extra.
or THIS (but tots without the coolness factor):
If this dress is borrowed, it is being destroyed so that she can run around on the dirty gravel streets. Through the spit and gum and snow sledge of others feet. She treats it like it’s her personal wedding dress. SICK.
yeah right; her wedding dress will be enshrined and taxidermied and every.single.person. who visits her house will be dragged to “view” it
can you imagine? how Bride/God/Drac/Hitler/Jason/Kreuger/Joker/DarthVader-zilla she will be if she marries Pancakes??
Your comment made me realize Julia will be one of those types of married broads that is always pulling out the photo album and making you look at it or doing the whole “Remember when….?” boring 1-sided conversation loop about how great they were.
Julia thought she had to clean up and censor her past in order to bag a McCain, but truth be told, she is going to have trouble landing ANY man willing to put up with her selfish attitude and who will never, ever Google her. Better set your sights on someone elderly and invalid, Jules. And just to be safe, already dead.
You know, it’s not the end of the world to never get married. My partner and I are very content to just be together as long as we make each other happy. You could really reinvent yourself as an ACTUAL feminist who doesn’t need an elaborate, expensive, and gaudy wedding to feel like a desirable woman.
But no. You will latch on to the first dude that comes along after your 30th birthday, your family will pray to the Money God you don’t fuck it up before he proposes, and you will have a rotten, loveless marriage that eventually ends in a messy divorce where you attack with such vigor to squeeze every last drop of alimony that the poor guy commits suicide just so you don’t get squat.
And we will laugh. We will laugh even though it’s sad because you brought it all upon yourself and deserve every last bit of what is to come. That’s why this doesn’t get old for me, Julia. Your story arc is finally coming to a satisfying conclusion. When you jumped off that building called “Fame” and tried to convince everyone you were flying? You were falling. Shedding weight or grabbing a husband to cushion the impact isn’t going to prevent the inevitable SPLUT.
This is a lovely and apt description. It amazes me that her shallow, spiteful, selfish product can produce such an artistic, compassionate and insightful blacklash. Her ultimate burn is going to be that we give the profound last words when this chicken little trips on her own shadow and breaks her neck.
I know a woman that has her wedding dress on a dress form on display in her dining room. She has three small children. It is dirty and food stained. Gross.
on display? that is horrifying.
Yes, on display. Someone told me about it, but I wasn’t truly horrified until I saw it in person. I just cannot express how gross it was.
I don’t understand why someone who hates her body so much takes so many pictures of it.
One of life’s deep, ineffable mysteries.
Her eyes are getting all squinty-like and her face looks like it is pumped full of jello.
Self-funded vanity photo shoots are sad.com .
this is even sadder than casey culture(less)’s vanity photo shoot. or that racist tatiana girl from love/life/lace
so wait, this photo shoot is for her bday? is she using the photos for the invites to her bday party? i get that 30 is a big milestone or whatever for her, but how exactly is this photoshoot a representation of herself at this time in her life? what the fuck kind of a theme is BALLGOWNS AND BLING? maybe for a sweet sixteen then okay you get a pass for being a self-centered asshole.
i wonder what she’s going to wear to her bday party. if i were having a joint bday party with someone who was pregnant i’d turn it into a surprise baby shower. or at the very least i would suggest that our MANDATORY MATCHING OUTFITS included a pair of flats for the mama-to-be and not some fug kitten heels like last year’s.
I wonder if Randi will be using a photo from a red carpet event that she attended and so Julia, of course, needed to host a photo shoot to have her own ball gown shot.
I don’t know guys. I think these pics will be better than the infamous green dress/NY Public Library shoot. If she has to actually interact with the male model? These are gonna be PRICELESS.
Wow. She’s such a moron-athon.
I really cannot wait to see her “wistful stare off into the distance.”
I am so with you on this. Hoping for epic.
We never saw the library pics but we will definitely see these. Cannot. Wait.
Julia’s “intern” like Julia looks to be homeless: http://twitter.com/JoeyNg
and likes cupcakes: http://joeyng.com/
Who the fuck is taking pictures of the intern doing shit for JA? Is she fucking passing her camera off to people saying, “Get a picture of Joey primping me!”
WHO DOES THIS?
Our darling Julia, that’s who!
I scanned her site….look at that fucking hipster.
Oh GAWD! Not another “I live in four different cities” chick.
The intern also has a made-up internet persona blog
These people scare me. The crazies are everywhere.
GOMI needs to start writing about this chick…
“New York, Los Angeles, Toronto, and Saskatoon.”
ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER.
Ha ha, yes!
Is she being funny here?
Saskatoon *is* the Paris of the Prairies, but still!
Where wheat kings keep all their treasures buried.
body issues as well:
joeyng: I can’t believe that @itschrisreed is a foot and 6 inches taller than I am but only 12 lbs. heavier. #fattymcfatfat
Her face! HER FACE! It looks so old and haggard and plastic-y. She seriously looks like a different person from when I first met her many moons ago. It’s almost sad. (Nah…not really.)
See Julesie, the problem with getting down to OMG SKINNY proportions, is that now your face looks even worse and older. Any fat you had in your face is gone and your skin is just hanging there. Better call Dr. Bobby STAT!
Wow, I take off for a week (to OMG!Princeton) and Donkey gets even more insufferable. Every time I think I’m getting tired of her and want to move on she gives me even more reason to hate her. Ugh.
You have all been witty and intelligent, per usu. Kisses. So happy to be home.
Pro tip: You should have some flapjacks at PJ’s Pancake House on Nassau Street next time you’re in Princeton. I used to love that place. Never took my grandma, though (Lahiere’s on Witherspoon was more my grandma’s taste, bless her heart).
Lahiere’s closed recently. RIP.
Well at least they have PJ’s so Dadster and Julia can get their omgpancakes. Julia must be sad that USNA doesn’t have cheesy reunions (not on campus, at least).
I’ve been. Meh. I guess I’m just not a pancakes girl. (Not even with a side of pancakes.) I’d much rather get an egg and cheese bagel from Olives and a coffee from Small World.
So there’s this:
AMAZING shoot, incredible team: Jamie Beck @_FromMeToYou photography, @MariaMaio makeup, @KerryLouB hair, @JoeyNg & @ItsChrisReed assisting!
Being driven around midtown in a Cadillac with $10,000 worth of clothes in the trunk blasting Drake. #thatswhatsup #nobigdeal
about 6 hours ago via Mobile Web
Ballin with @joeyng in a cadi #thuglife http://plixi.com/p/78382539
about 10 hours ago via ÜberTwitter
didn’t even bother to get the model’s name. i guess props don’t deserve an identity in her world.
I have to say, the levels of inspired silliness today have moved me deeply. Well, semi-deeply. Well done, h8trz, well done.
random but just a hunch- did julia get the idea for the cease & desist letters from watching the social network?
Her desperation is sticking out further than her clavicle.
You do realize that if any one of us did something like this, somebody or a few somebodies would have us committed. My fam will get after you if you take more than one professional family photo a year cause it’s wasteful, stupid and you’re embarrassing yourself and them by association. If I ever pulled a stunt like this involving all these people, wearing expensive borrowed clothes, blocking streets, posting about it on the internet and asking for free handouts, I had better be marrying the Duke of fucking York and these pictures be required to satisfy some tradition or to raise money for some cause. And even then, I’d get grief about it. If it got out that I arranged it and was behind it for my own personal interests, I prolly can’t count on two hands the number of people who would tell me what for and likely not speak to me for a long time if ever. This is just that abnormal. Just put yourself in her shoes and imagine how your friends and family would react. My kid alone would ask, “Why are you doing that, mom?” If I responded, “Because it’s my birthday,” he’d say, “But, you’re grown up?” And my kid is 9. That would put her somewhere between 6-8 given her utter inability to recognize how abnormal this behavior is. She is a really sick girl and will likely never recover.
THIS. I have a few mommy-blogger internet friends take like ten thousand profesh photo shoots of them and their kids.
Pregnant with Baby 1 Photoshoot! Nine Months Pregnant with Baby 1 Photoshoot! Baby 1 is a newborn Photoshoot! Baby 1 is 6m. Old Photoshoot! Baby 1 Year 1 Photoshoot! Now I’m pregnant with Baby 2! Start the cycle all over again! I think it’s ragingly retarded and if someone in my family pulled it I’d roll my eyes so much they’d fall out. But at least these people have babies they’re taking photos of… I couldn’t imagine if it were themselves. So desperate.
I get the mommy/baby, mommy/preggers, baby, baby, baby overload. I’ve got a friend on FB I keep defriending because since she procreated, I can’t for the life of me recognize what I ever had in common with her. I get daily updates on what restaurant mommy/baby is at or park and what menu mommy/baby is having and play mommy/baby is engaging in, how mommy’s feet hurt and baby is spitting up. This woman used to practice law. Now, however, it seems she defines herself by that baby and being so stay at home and housewifey and one-uppy at it. So, I defriend her cause I can’t take it as I don’t have endless time and can’t define my day around what restaurant serves the best brunch for my “34 month old”. Yet, she always finds me, again, and sends me another request. I feel bad, and I accept. While I have a lot of friends with babies and kids, the difference is that this one is only about her kid and seems completely unaware that there is a world going on around her.
On the other hand, the majority of my other friends seem to have a bigger perspective on not just their own lives, but how they relate with the world around them. I love friends’ updates and comments on how some new thing they noticed about their kid or parenting took them by surprise. It feels like we’re navigating this new experience together as we age into being parents and the responsible ones personally and professionally. Even when a friend remarks on say how wonderful it is to get to see their kid in the middle of the day for lunch, I can relate as it’s something I’ve experienced. The difference is that these people are juggling their lives and responsibilities. Home and family is a priority and something they love, but they’ve also got to earn a living and most enjoy what they do.
But Donks is light years behind all these folks, even the mommy blogger because she never emotionally matured beyond the me, me, me stage. Even the new stay at home mom is focused on something besides herself. It’s all about baby and family and husband and home. Yet, Donk can’t even have relationships like that where something beyond herself is the focus of her attention as she can’t see beyond herself. Everyone in her life is defined in her mind as an extension of herself, “Julia’s mom,” “my family,” “my boyfriend,” blah, blah, blah. That’s why she reads so many self-help books and is so interested in “dating”. She needs that pop-culture input on how to act because she honestly has no clue. She can’t see, much less relate to, anyone besides herself. This is also why she has no friends. She can’t be a friend to anyone when there’s no one home in there, just a giant aching void of need. She doesn’t find anyone fascinating or have any insight or perspective on people that goes beyond the generic, hence the reason she uses the same words to describe people over and over. She recognizes that flattery and positivity gets her attention at least initially, so she constantly drags out the same compliments for everyone, “ineffable,” etc. Lasagna was right about here. She needs a lot of love everything.
It’s also why she writes such inane articles with such dated and superficial recommendations on how to act in certain situations, like her social media rules. She really likes and needs those stupid points, as without them, she flounders on how to relate in day to day life because exercising insight and perception subjectively in a case by case basis is beyond her. One cannot perceive and react appropriately to other people if one cannot comprehend others experiences. So, she continually reverts to her script and her costumes and her role-playing in order to navigate life. But, she constantly fails at even maintaining consistency in her scripts and is always being called out for being a hypocrite and liar. The truth is she can’t help it. She’s the emotional and psychological version of the foreign Dell call rep. She has to refer to her flip chart to converse, puts you on endless hold when the conversation goes off script (“still processing [xyz]“) and hangs up (demands you “say no more”) when her call control is lost.
She’s essentially a broken Speak N Spell. A few years ago, she was a Nintendo DS, new, shiny, interesting. Now, she’s old because everyone knows what she does and has grown tired of it when there aren’t any new games being put out. Dude, they even stopped making Guitar Hero last week, the biggest selling game ever a few years ago. She is such a cautionary tale but doesn’t even realize it.
Ugh, I’ve been procrastinating desk errands for two weeks by coming back to gawk at the trainwreck. Too morbidly fascinating.
This is the perfect psychological summary of our Donkey. Props.
Love your analogy. Also wanted to say, instead of defriending annoying friend, just hide her feed. That way you no longer see her annoying what the baby ate today, but she still sees you are a friend and nobody feels bad!
The word “amazing” is so over-used (To Julia, everyone is AMAZING!) but this really is amazing, CurlingIronsAtDawn. I don’t know if Julia reads here or not, but I do hope she stumbles upon this post you’ve written. Someone in her life needs to say “Hey asshole, here’s what’s wrong with you. Get professional help!” Okay, maybe a caring friend shouldn’t say “Hey asshole” but close friends (if there are any) and family members need to stop enabling and encouraging her. Whatever her disorder is, it’s getting worse.
Like that dearbaby Melissa chick. Narcissist like whoa. Am still hoping she gets written up on GOMI but she’s so damn nice it’s doubtful.
She’s like those tragic famous people who are surrounded by “yes” people, except those yes people are generally on payroll. Miss Albertson just keeps cutting out any “no” people. I don’t know why the yes’s stay around. Because she sure as shit is too cheap to pay them.
So long as the world is unequal and there is suffering in it, it will produce broken people willing to be play her sidekick and prop-up her fantasy world in order to be a part in it. The ones I think everyone worries about are the unsuspecting.
Hi Bunnies. I know it’s late but I was out with my future ex-wife celebrating my expiration date arriving and I came home to the final cover. I went with a simple elegant design.
You gotta add those doggie dentures from the Dentabone commercial because she got veneers.
Classy..I can almost here the bray from here
you should make the S in starring lower case so it would scan better.
otherwise this is perfection.
I didn’t know Jocelyn Wildestein dyed her hair brunette.
She didn’t. This is her mother.
Off Topic, but Sassy Gay Friend has come up in the past on the old RBNS forums, and I know some fellow sad pathetic cat ladies are fans. He’s actually a friend of mine and a lovely person and is nominated for an internet award on Logo TV and it’s super easy to vote — one click. If you can that would be awesome. http://www.logotv.com/events/newnownext_awards/2011/categories/zomg-internet-award/
Back to the totally unfounded, unwarranted and hateful bullying!
Voted. I love Sassy Gay Friend.
I wish sassy gay friend would pop into julia’s life and tell her whats up.
LOVE LOVE LOVE sassy gay friend. so jealz you’re friends with him!
Thanks! I just voted for that stupid, stupid bitch. Now can you get him to slap some sense in to Julia?
Do you think her exes would see this and think thank the good lord I didn’t marry her?
She was kind of cute what like 5+ years ago but now, wow. Words cannot describe how poorly she aged.
At this age, I’d also be so embarassed doing a photo shoot for no reason other than facebook …
You know that hoary old cliche about the one who got away?
Donkey’s never going to be the one who got away. Only the “Thank God I got away”.
it’s not her aging though! it’s the fucking botox/restalyn/other shit that she’s put in her face! she is a poster girl for why NOT to get cosmetic ‘enhancements’ done!
can somebody photoshop that? ‘reason #1 NOT to get that injection of botox’ or something like that?
Hands-down one of the best of the worst photos! A Cinderella-meets-SATC shoot gone SO wrong.
These “I live in four cities” bitches are tots sads. Joey…if you’re going to ‘intern’ for a famewhore, please pick someone who is doing it right.
At least the uglier and more washed up she gets, the dimmer and more “waste of human space-y” the interns get. Not that Emily Rose is the brightest pearl on the strand, but she looks like a Rhodes Scholar next to this girl.
I don’t mean to be mean because bodysnark ain’t fair, but goddamn, that intern has some creepy alien face going on. Also, her blog/s are ridonkulous. Just laughable and embarrassing. “Socialite Porn”? You only wish, Alien Face hipster. Creepy Alien Face interning for Botoxed Old Face makes perfectly good sense, I suppose.
I McLol’d at “alien face hipster”.
From the blaugh:
With my favorite front row companion, Miss Katrina Szish, here in our seats for Nanette Lepore.
*** A special note to Katrina – hello there, lady! I hate to add to your plate post-fashion week, but would love to know what you thought, overall, of the Fall 2011 collections this season … give us all your expert opinion!
Because Donkey, who attended nearly every show and spoke to designers herself, can’t be bothered to write her own opinion (or should I say, her intern’s opinion). Donkey to Szish Please (with echos of Mary): You better write about this on your blog like I tell you to or else you are a total bitch!
Sorry to reply to myself, but I attended a show this week and, even as a non-expert, I couldn’t stop talking about the silhouettes, the mix of fabrics & textures, and interesting use of sequins and beading to anyone who would listen. I also found out more about the seating hierarchy & attendees, how much work goes into a 10-minute show (L.A.M.B., for instance, started loading in about 5 hours before start time), and who was showing their first NY show. See Donkey? Not rocket-science. Just a perspective that you routinely fail to offer.
I attended one also—and while looking for la Donk, trying to figure-out what is so damn speshul about it all—-The Swag Factor is large—thanks Starbucks!, Maybelline!, various make-ups!, Diet Pepsi!, etc. And those were only the most obvs.
Is Donkey capable of synthesizing original opinions? I think not.
Does anyone else feel this should have been sent as an email of some sort, instead of publicly posted on her blog? Kind of gives me the feeling that Szish is not blogging what Donks wants her to blog about so instead of leaving it like a normal person, Donks is publicizing this request to shame and coerce Szish? Very passive-aggressive feeling to it, IMO.
I figured it out:
Oh Donkey. This is who you are.
No she is NOT. YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
I’m sorry, JP. She has none of the talent or charisma or wit. And Donk looks older, that’s for sure.
I can’t stop!
Ha! That is SO Julia!
Uh Joan is GORGEOUS and amazing despite being old enough to be Toolia’s gran. She wishes she looked like that!
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