Avid Mac Consumer Interviews for PC Magazine

I’ve had an exhausting past few weeks running errands, so I will just throw this article from PC Magazine at you cat ladies and let you go to town.

12 Online Rules You Should Follow Before Your Next Date

A recent survey found that around 80 percent of people conduct a Facebook or Google search of someone before their first date.

The practice is so common that means that how you present yourself online could actually be more important than what you wear or say IRL (in real life)—at least when it comes to nabbing a first date, or even a job interview.

“Everything you post about yourself online may be the only thing someone sees or knows about you,” says dating columnist and media personality, Julia Allison (pictured).

So how do you put your best face forward in the virtual world without overselling yourself? In light of Valentine’s Day, PCMag spoke to several dating experts about how to present your best online self in top Google search results: Facebook and Twitter. We also asked eHarmony and OKCupid how to give your online dating profile a makeover too.

Facebook:

Rule #1: Don’t post photos that you’ve obviously taken of yourself.

Whether you took a photo of yourself in the mirror, or your arms expose you holding the camera in front of you, keep such photos out of your profile.

“That just sends the message that you’re A) clueless to social norms, B) have no friends to take a photo of you, and C) are narcissistic,” Allison says.

There’s really no excuse not to have at least one quasi-professional photo of yourself, she says. Ask a photographer friend of yours, borrow a nice camera, or spend $100 on a set of professional headshots. “You’ll use these shots over and over again.”

And maybe we’re a bit biased, being a tech magazine and all, but we know of plenty of apps out there that can blot out the giant pimple on your chin or crop out the ex standing next to you.

Rule #2: Don’t humblebrag.

Humblebragging is just boasting couched in self-depracation. It’s when you pretend to be humble in a post, but you’re clearly bragging about something; like the skinny model who takes to Facebook to complain about not being able to find jeans long enough to fit her legs.

So how can you prevent yourself from being a humblebraggart? “Ask yourself, ‘Why am I posting this? is it to look cool? Or is it to entertain and inform—that should be your motivation. Post tasteful jokes, compliments, nice, supportive things,” Allison says.

Rule #3: Near-zero tolerance policy on drugs or alcohol.

Unless you’re a liquor store owner or celebrity bartender, in which case alcohol actually represents you, never refer to drugs or alcohol in your social networks. Assume your profile will be discovered by someone in human resources. The one exception, Allison notes, is if you’re toasting a major event with a glass of champagne.

Rule #4: Think ‘fun’ in your profile picture

If you’re at a loss, Allison also suggests tying your photos to a season or celebration. Wear green for St. Patrick’s Day, or pose against a Valentine’s Day backdrop. Or post a photo of yourself having fun (without a bong, see rule #3).

And change up your profile pic every few months, she suggests. “It’s really boring when people keep the same photo for three years,” Allison says. “Every few months think about the coolest thing you’ve done and you can make that your profile pic.”

Twitter:

Rule #5: Remember who you’re tweeting to: the world

Unlike Facebook, your Twitter account is either completely public or completely private to pre-approved followers. Most of us, however, use public settings, and therefore more thought and self-control are required to not sound like a trainwreck online. We’ve seen our share.

Keep your audience in mind. “I have trouble deciding what to tweet when I’m dating multiple people,” she says. After all, even if only your family officially follows you, anyone could be reading your tweets. So when in doubt, keep it off your Twitter page.

Rule #6: Give yourself a cute avatar.

Find that one flattering pic that really shows off your face and smile, Allison says. Avoid “I think I’m so sexy looks” she adds.

Rule #7: A 140-character limit is no excuse for juvenile abbreviations.

“I know a lot of people are going to disagree on this one, but I think abbreviating makes you look uneducated,” Allison says. “I’m not talking about common ones like ‘LOL’ or ‘Thurs’ for Thursday, I’m talking about ‘l8tr’ for ‘later.’ Use full, complete words with proper caps and punctuation or just don’t say it!”

Rule #8: Don’t make your baby or pet schnauzer your avatar

If you’re a new parent to a baby or animal, Allison says you have a two week grace period during which you can use photos of your baby or pet as your main profile pic. Outside of that, “it’s just weird,” she says.

Dating Sites:

Rule #9: Choose a nice close-up for your main photo.

Unlike on Facebook, your main profile picture should be a good close-up of your face rather than a distant shot of yourself having a great time on vacation.

“You want your main photo to focus in on your face and smile and not, for example, your vacation, so your matches can get a good feel for who you are,” says an eHarmony spokeswoman. “Matches have a hard time getting a good first impression if the main photo shows someone in a crowd.”

Rule #10: Avoid clichés in your profile.

One of the most boring things you can write in your profile is “I enjoy living life to the fullest.” This may be true, but it doesn’t say much to attention-deficit online daters. Give specifics. “Ask yourself what that means to you and expand on that thought so your matches have a clear idea of what you’re thinking,” eHarmony says.

Rule #11: Be a grammar and spell-check nazi.

The eHarmony spokeswoman says one of the top complaints on the site was bad spelling and grammar, which is usually associated with a lack of intelligence.

“Good grammar is the netiquette equivalent of brushing your teeth!” declared Sam Yagan, co-founder of OKCupid.com.

Rule #12: Sound positive and honest, Yagan says.

Leave the Debbie Downer attitude offline (then again if you’re a real pessimist, you probably wouldn’t be fishing for partners online anyway.) “Don’t diss people online,” says Allison. “Post things that are supportive and nice.”

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80 Responses to Avid Mac Consumer Interviews for PC Magazine

  1. Tribune Slingbacks (formerly Har-Har) says:

    Stunned silence.

    • crazytrain says:

      *drops the phone*

    • LEFOOLIEH says:

      *voms in the shower* and notes she has violated (and still does) everything she advises against. Well spun, Donkey, well spun.

    • Julia's Fat Ass says:

      She’s joking right? This whole thing is a big “haha!”

      That’s the only explanation. Either that or, oh wait, she’s fucking BONKERS.

      FUCKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. Seriously, fuck this bitch already. I’ve HAD IT.

    • Stop Staring says:

      Wait, is this a fucking joke?! It’s a fucking joke, right? I mean, it’s stupid to even state the obvious that she breaks every single rule of advice proffered here. What. A. Sick. Fuck.

      • Bouncing Little Burro says:

        Uh seriously. I’m speechless.

      • Bouncing Little Burro says:

        Eharmony disagrees with you Julia:

        Female profile no-no’s: http://advice.eharmony.com/dating/date-tips/terrible-profile-photos-and-women-who-post-them-slideshow (pretty much shoots down Julia’s entire modus operandi. Except her advice about booze and no self-taken photos).

        Male: http://advice.eharmony.com/dating/date-tips/terrible-profile-photos-and-men-who-post-them-slideshow

        Anyway, I know she’s talking about social networks, not dating sites, but I think they intersect a lot. Her take on social media is so narrow and shallow. For example, I get the no booze pics when you’re looking for a job, but when you already have a job, are well respected in your field, and hell…go out with your co-workers and bosses for cocktails after work, I don’t see why you can’t put them up (unless they’re from the end of the night when everyone is excessively wasted). It’s life – people go out and have fun…isn’t that what social networks are there for – to share little pieces of your life with friends and family? What’s the basis for her “zero tolerance at all aspects of your life booze policy?”

        Next, what is her source for the 2 (month/week, can’t be bothered to go up to check) statute of limitations on putting pics of your dogs/babies as your profile pic. I don’t even know how to properly comment on this. It’s just so asinine. You shouldn’t do that because Julia thinks it’s weird? Well, Julia, I think you’re really fucking weird, so please remove yourself from the Internet ASAP.

        Finally, glam shots? Oy. Ok, so it’s zero tolerance for booze because you never know if HR will stumble upon you knocking back whiskey sours (and umm…WHAT exactly will HR do upon discovering those pics?), but it’s totally acceptable (and encouraged!) to have HR looking at glamour pictures of you online. I think that for anyone who has an office job, THOSE kind of photos (glam, airbrushed, rolling around in a too-shirt skirt) would raise a lot more eyebrows and start up hushed-up convos during quarterly meetings than a bunch of photos of you drinking vino at that swanky bar down the street from your work.

        She is entirely clueless. She has NO credibility, and NOTHING to back up her claims and “advice.”

        Btw, while I was searching for those eharmony links, I noticed they had an entire section dedicated to all aspects of relationships, and an active message board. This is a freaking industry, Julie. I am completely perplexed as to what you think you have to offer to the over-saturated “dating advice” market. You’re a joke.

  2. Dadser Can't Quit You says:

    I feel like we hit the mother lode with this article. So… many… lies…. SO. BLESSED.

    • Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

      i know, right? “avoid cliches!” “no juvenile abbreviations!”
      Is if this is real? the cray train just keeps on rolling!

  3. Liable for Libel says:

    I just kant.

  4. Brianna says:

    Is. She. Serious.

    So many contradictions!

    Don’t be narcissistic, yet spend $100 on headshots! Or just bug friends to take pictures of you, you, you! That’s totally less narcissistic than taking a picture of yourself!

    No humblebragging! Yet Julia is the most prolific humblebragger on Twitter.

    Also….THEMED PROFILE PICTURES. That is much less weird than a pic of your pet. Yup.

    • Julia's Fat Ass says:

      She also has no fucking idea what she is quacking about. No pictures of your kids after a few weeks? Most new-ish parents I know do this for months or longer. People are proud of their kids, you dick. They are typically less interested in showing the world how OMG FABULOUS they are, because they aren’t narcissistic douchebags.

      I can’t. I really just cannot.

      • Julia's Fat Ass says:

        Of course she wouldn’t notice this. Because she doesn’t look at ANYONE’S Facebook profile, beyond her own. She really has no clue.

      • Admiral of the Burro Fleet says:

        It’s redundant to have pictures of your kids as your own profile pic after a few weeks, because all GOOD parents would have already set up separate Facebook, Twitter, and Vimeo accounts for their child by then. And a domain name.

        Anything else is child bullying.

        • Helena (Wooly Bully) says:

          Heh!

          One of my best friends is expecting her first (and really, the first in my “close” social circle) in three weeks. It’s high time I let her know that she needs to go set up that FB etc. accounts ASAP. Surely she doesn’t want to be a baby hater and bully her firstborn since his / her birth, does she?

      • DarlingIsTheNewPrecious says:

        It’s not okay to have pictures of your kid up past two weeks of birth, but it is tots acceptable to post pictures of yourself as a kid, as well as your brother, well into your 30s. And if you’ve got headshots of yourself as a kid, even better. Two birds.

        Julie is so new media. The problem is the world hasn’t caught up, so get with the program folks. Without headshots, you iz nobody. And pink, scented resume paper and headshots, which you change every two weeks, preferably.

  5. Wonkeye says:

    Head explodes.

  6. LEFOOLIEH says:

    There’s also this:

    “RT @juliaallison: @ishteevee @hirschorn – can’t wait for “Approval Matrix” although I’m thinking it’s lowbrow despicable I wasn’t asked to be on it 😉 //we’ll make it up to you. promise”

    http://ish.tv/shows/the-approval-matrix/

  7. Rage, Rage Against the Dying of the Light (Barking Mad) says:

    I can’t even think of anything to say …

  8. Prof. F Camping, Doctor of Donkology says:

    “I have trouble deciding what to tweet when I’m dating multiple people,” she says (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
    note to social media expert: don’t say dumbass stuff in interview! someone might read it online!

    • wonkeye says:

      Winky face! Winky face! That’s what you Tweet when YOU’re dating multiple people, Julie Albertson. Anytime you let a weenus pass through the meat curtains, out comes the winky face.

  9. Ba Donka DONK says:

    This is parody, right?! Hilarious, ironic satire??? Otherwise: drops phone, voms in shower, slits wrists. Who was it who said Darling Julsie was the most un-self-aware person in earth? Yeah, that.

  10. Fuck You, Fashion Week says:

    omg. she just posted some pics of her from tonight and she is SO TIGHTLY squeezed into that years-old red dress… SHE even looks uncomfortable. ouch. can someone comment and tell her to size-up?

  11. Dyspeptic says:

    Those shoes with the opaque black tights. Aiiieeeeeeeeeeee! And that fabulous Little Red Riding Hood shot the poor intern had to shoot….my Valentine’s cup runneth over.

    • Big Head Fraud & the Blondsters says:

      There’s no excuse for pairing those shoes with …well… anything!, but to do so w/ black tights ? No. No. NOOOOOOOOO

    • Brianna says:

      Seriously – if the reds don’t match, DO NOT DO IT LIKE THAT.

      Those shoes have that neon washed-out look of something that has been neglected for a while or improperly stored in direct sunlight.

  12. cupcake cray cray says:

    is her intern the chick who’s in the pics with her at betsey johnson? or do we have any idea who she is?

  13. Andy Whorehol says:

    Is that random Asian alien-looking chick she’s hanging out with in several shots the “poor intern” in question? I just find it odd that she’s pictured with that girl several times on her blog and yet there’s no explanation of who in the Hell she actually is. Seems like if she were actually famous or important Jules would’ve trotted out her usual “ineffable” bullshit explanations, which makes me believe these are some snaps she just caught with the latest intern/victim. To which I say, any female dumb enough to “intern” with Julia Allison deserves all the bad luck she gets. Dumbasses, all of ’em.

  14. jpa says:

    She’s not even wearing Betsey Johnson to the show? She couldn’t even get a loan from there? Oh how the mighty have fallen. Also, it’s good to see Julia’s schooling her intern in the wearing underwear as clothes business.

  15. Meow_Mix says:

    I’ll be up doing stuff for work for at least two more hours, so RBD is my little break tonight.
    After perusing nonsociety.vom, it made me sad for Julia. Whereas she used to hoist up the tits to find a rich man and she looked like an escort, now she hoists them up and looks like such a Scary Sadshaw. People used to roll their eyes at her tit-hoisting/kiss-blowing/attention-whoring, but she could get away with it at some extent from 2004-2007 because she was thin, young, and relatively cute. Now, people give her looks of pity, annoyance, and disgust because she’s way too old and washed up to be acting like that. It’s just sad.

    Exhibit A: http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/3306020302
    She looks ridiculous. The people in the background are giving her the side-eye, because they’re working and she’s prancing around and blowing kisses to photographers. Have you ever seen a real journo act like that? Ugh.

    • Meow_Mix says:

      Plus, learn how to style for Christ sakes! I spend my winters going around in jeans, winter boots, and a parka and I could style that monstrosity better than her.

      Julia, if you insist on wearing a silk Chloe & Reese tit-hoister and going super-femme for Valentine’s Day, go up a size or two. Put a belt on the fuggers dress, but not a pink one with a bow. Throw a light cashmere cardigan over it. Do something other than matchy-matching and theme dressing ALL. *snap* THE *snap* TIME *snap*!

    • neverbotoxed says:

      She looks like a total nutjob. There’s obviously no one else dancing around her, so what would possess her to “dance” backstage? And what is going on with that facial expression?

    • Big Head Fraud & the Blondsters says:

      Did Donkey just moon them? Is this fauxto THE record-holder for BITCH PLEASE faces? Not sure I’ve ever seen three at once. Maybe RBD should feature the current BP place holder in the wiki at all times 🙂

      • Dyspeptic says:

        Well, this Valentine’s Day by Julia Allison (TM) sure didn’t disappoint. Yes, Juliar, that’s how a real journalist covering Fashion Week behaves. Attention on MEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I’m the story!!! Lordy.

  16. Pescachickenarian says:

    I normally love your parodies JP, but c’mon, you need to make it slightly believable.

    OH. Really? Oh. Sorry JP.

  17. Valentine's Cray says:

    Hi,

    Sorry if this has been posted, should be getting ready for work instead of playing with cat nip. But this…..The looks she’s getting, the black hose and red shoes. Black hose CAN go w/ other colors, just not like this. Quelle horreur.

    http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/3306020302

    • DarlingIsTheNewPrecious says:

      That set of pictures is a whole new level of awful. The dress. Dear Lord, the dress. It’s painted on up top. It must have been so uncomfortable for people to look her in the face with her chest just hanging out like that. The waist of the dress is at her ribcage. The length looks like it’s her younger sister’s or was hers as a child, as it looks about four sizes too small. The way she stands in it, too, like her hips are dislocated. It’s not cute. It’s bizarre. The thick tights. The red shoes. The hair and the weird waxy face with bright red lipstick. The strange posing and hamming it up as if she’s an escaped mental patient. It all screams desperate narcissist “pay attention to me”. I just can’t look at them. They burn the eyes and scar the soul. I feel like I’m looking at gruesome accident scene photos. The ugly is showing all over.

      • chesca says:

        i wonder if any of the other journalists were dancing and posing for photos backstage while the hairstylists, makeup artists and models were “running errands”.

        • DarlingIsTheNewPrecious says:

          It seems from the pictures that the “other” journalists actually wore clothes and did not do whippits from the cupcake icing.

    • Big Head Fraud & the Blondsters says:

      “Black hose CAN go w/ other colors”

      Pictures or it didn’t happen.

  18. A Bit of Moxie says:

    Oh, the cray. 22 new posts on her blerg in a matter of hours? Up until 3:30am doing so? On Valentine’s Day? Honestly, it’s as if she wants everyone to know just how tragically sad and lonely her evening was. “Feel sorry for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

  19. A Bit of Moxie says:

    Oh wait, it’s even worse than I thought — responding to comments ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Oy vey.

  20. Ineffably Adverbial says:

    According to the blerg, Pancakes took Mama McCain to Disneyland for V-Day.
    I’m sure Cindy was super impressed by the constant stream of texts from the ineffably cray-cray girlfriend. Can you imagine?

    • Shamoolia says:

      Cindy’s twitter:

      A fabulous day at Disneyland with Jack. Soaring over California our favorite!!
      about 9 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

      What does a new Navy pilot want to do before reporting for duty? Go to Disneyland. Yahooo!!
      6:22 PM Feb 13th via Twitter for BlackBerry®

      • Big Head Fraud & the Blondsters says:

        MOTHERBOY!

      • Rage, Rage Against the Dying of the Light (Barking Mad) says:

        I see now. Mama McC went to San Diego for the airshow to see Pancakes taking part. I heard about the air show from a friend who’s an aviation buff and wondered if this was the cause of the big snit she was in. With all the preparations and several days of events he prob didn’t pay much attention to her constant texting. And of course she wouldn’t clue in that the air show was a big deal for him and for those who care about such things. She wouldn’t spend five minutes on google to educate herself. It’s all about her and her at Fashion Week and her Valentine’s Day entitlement.

        Donkey.

  21. diluted brain says:

    I still am shocked she ever was a dating columnist. She gives the worst advice, EVER! Also, why would someone take advice from a woman who can’t keep a man longer than a few months?

    Also this pic – how did she leave the house? The pelts are atrocious. Whatever salon owner sold them to her, must’ve gotten a nice laugh after. Aside from the color, the pelts are horrible.

  22. rld says:

    There truly are no words.
    But I need to defend my country. Australia. Apropos of her braying that her photo shoot ended up on a magazine cover in another country. No it did not. That was an insert of a sunday tabloid. A junk insert in a trashy newspaper that no one reads. The only reason it got a glossy cover was because after the first 2 pages it is filled with real estate ads and they needed cover bait.

  23. ShesJustStupid says:

    I can just imagine the conversations with Pancake’s friends.

    “My girlfriend takes a lot of pictures of herself”
    “Awesome dude! Naked, right? Let’s see!”
    “Um….”

    Also, how awesome is it that he spend Valentine’s Day with his mom? Can’t wait to see what he gets JABs for her big birthday!

    • Donkadooball says:

      I’m sure the fact that he spent Valentine’s Day with his mom really frosted Donkey’s cupcake. That was probably part of the motivation for those passive aggressive, sushi-for-one pity texts. If this were anyone else but an OMGMCCAIN!!! she would be reading him the riot act for not making a bigger fuss over her on Valentine’s Day. Instead, she’s bottling her rage and “coped” by staying up all night like a fucking loon. My guess is that she’s going to bite her tongue until her stupid birthday party in hopes that he really pulls out all the stops. Ain’t gonna happen. I mean those dense texts and the spa day gift certificate for Christmas? Something tells me there isn’t some wildly creative, cheesy romantic type lurking beneath Pancakes’ surface.

      • A Bit of Moxie says:

        He ain’t no Prom King….

      • KashMoney says:

        i don’t think she was biting her tongue. besides the fact that she seems utterly incapable of doing so, that text she showed was “really” preceded by her bitching and him placating her.

        in her mind, being “in a relationship” on facebook gives her license to bitch since they’ve now reached a certain level of intimacy.

      • Flapjack the Fuckup says:

        Pancakes: “Hey dad, I know you’re busy with government-y stuff over in Washington, but how’s about you and mom wire me some more money. I’ve been dating a really hot tranny the past month or so and I need to make her birthday special. … how much? not much… $20k or so should do the trick…. no? why not? you met her at my winging! …. oh, no, no, she’s not a cougar, she’s a lot younger than you think… what’s that you say? you thought she looked like one of mom’s friends? that’s mean, dad!”

  24. Liable for Libel says:

    http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/3306856204

    Her “AMAZE-BALLZ” cameraman looks as though he’d like to stab her.

    • Shamoolia says:

      Those shoes are AWFUL! I don’t care if they do photograph a different shade of red … the fact that they DO match in person is even worse. Matchy matchy everything is so rednecky and hicktastic. She is such a moran.

    • Julia's Fat Ass says:

      It’s so AWESOME he wore a red checkered shirt. Just totally AWESOME!!!!!!

      My god, she is 12 years old.

  25. Shills says:

    OT- I was invited by a designer to Lincoln Ctr today and am hoping to catch a glimpse of Julia. Does anyone know where to look for her? I want to see la donk in the fashun scrum.

  26. Julie, The Actress says:

    It’s April Fool’s Day already?

  27. Bouncing Little Burro says:

    Crap – I think my comment went into the spam folder because I posted two links to eharmony.

  28. darling mrs. melissa sue [drops phone] says:

    If she could actually define “social norms,” I would die of shock.

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