UPDATE — Breaking: It Appears Someone Got a “Job!”

Just got the final draft of the contract for my new job – which I was approached for back on May 13, 2009. It only took a year & a half!


Official announcement will come in the next month. Sort of can’t believe it’s real …

Thoughts:

By next month, does she mean “never?” Sort of like the Davos coverage, vertical scrolling, her thoughts on the ashram and the John Mayer concert review?

She is also now referring to the OMG OMG downtown condo OMG OMG as “my apartment.” By that logic, “my new job” could mean anything.

UPDATE:

In our inbox, bunnies!

Julia Allison

to me

show details Dec 3 (3 days ago)

I’m familiar with the FCC guidelines, so trust me when I say it’s a waste of your time to post anything that says I violated them.

I paid $500, including tip.

Unless I explicitly say I was comp’d something, that means I paid for it.  I’m pretty careful about these things, thanks to my ever-vigilant readers like you guys. 🙂

Happy holidays!

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0 Responses to UPDATE — Breaking: It Appears Someone Got a “Job!”

  1. HaHaHa says:

    Is she going to be a syndicated columnist??

  2. for serious??? says:

    Did you see that she tweeted that she hopes to be going back to Davos – WEF in January?

    Will that be part of her “job”?

    Or…..did Randi finally get her a marketing job at facebook?

    • Our Lady of Bray says:

      Please don’t let this bitch get into marketing. Please.

      • for serious??? says:

        Apparently, Randi floated the idea around the time of the ol’ Bicoastal, Bipolar Birthday bash 2009.

        Their birthdays are in late Feb. So, it could be this.

      • for serious??? says:

        Plus, Randi has to plan for her own maternity leave.

      • fantastic, nuanced says:

        I’m try to imagine Donk working in an office, showing up to meetings prepared & on time, contributing sound strategic ideas, creativity, effort, and a positive attitude, and then I laugh & laugh & laugh.

    • juliajane says:

      That’s what I was thinking too.

    • wonkeye says:

      No way would she take some job that requires things like, eww, actual attendance and accountability. And why should she with dadsers and momsers footing the bill.

  3. Wonder Kind says:

    Nose jobs don’t count

  4. “By the transitive property, that could mean anything.” Fixed that for you, Jacy.

    • One Fat Melman says:

      This.

      Also, I have a hilarious JA related story for you catladies.

      So, this past weekend a boy I just started seeing was at my place hanging out with my roommate and me. We began having girl talk about how someone was “cray cray” and he looked at us like we had three heads each. Here’s the conversation that ensued when I tried to explain the term to him:

      Me: So, there’s this blogger who I used to like because I thought she was normal and cool, but then I realized that she wasn’t so awesome.

      Him: How’d you realize that?

      Me: Well, it was obvious that she was constantly contradicting herself and she was always namedropping.

      Him: Oh, I see.

      Me: Last spring she went to an ashram, like “Eat, Pray, Love” style, and spent the week after talking about how changed she was and how at peace the world felt et cetera, but then a month or two later blogged about how angry she’d been after leaving the ashram and how much she hated the world, blah, blah, blah. And then she went back. For Thanksgiving. Instead of spending it with her family.

      Him: This bitch is nuts.

      Me: I believe the proper term is “cray.”

      And….scene.

      I love how he gathered that much from hearing all of two facts about her. Donksanity for the win.

  5. Afghani Facebook Friend says:

    FIRST!!!!!!!!!!11

    “Sort of can’t believe it’s real”
    ——————————-

    Neither can we. Probably bc it’s not.

    • Dyspeptic2 says:

      Snort. Remember the pseudo-cryptic life-changing tweets about the whole Oprah non-starter. Been there. Done that. Donkey style.

  6. Ridonkulous says:

    Donkey on the Tumblr outage:

    “As a Tumblr user for over 3 years, let me say: I not only didn’t notice it was down – but I really didn’t care. How things have changed! ;)”

    OK, everybody else at NonSociety, let me translate that one for you: Julia would like to cordially invite you all to go fuck yourselves! She doesn’t care about you or your joint venture because things have changed!

    The queen of burning bridges seems to be striking once again. Just when you think she couldn’t become more narcissistic or self absorbed, she plumbs new depths…

    • New Year New You says:

      “I really didn’t care that my Fuck You Money Business disappeared!”

      “When people on the Teevees refer to me as the FOUNDER of nonsociety.com, I will correct them because I ain’t even got no blog anymore! HA!”

  7. New Year New You says:

    New job like moving to LA? Didn’t she allegedly send her stuff to LA? Why has she just got ANOTHER macbook air, how many computers does one person need? Who is paying for these computers? Who paid for the ashram? Who is paying for all these flights? Who pays for the botox?

    What happened to the women’s shelter she said she was going to try and help earlier in the year? Remember she moaned to Jeff Jarvis that us haters even hated her for that.

    What about The Boy?

    So many unanswered questions. So many lies.

    Where are the tipsters?

  8. JuLIAR Allison says:

    I feel strangely underwhelmed by this announcement.

    Wait, let me try for some enthusiasm…

    Yay !!!….

    Nope. Even most of the exclamation marks couldn’t be bothered turning up to celebrate Donkey’s tentative step towards being a normal human being.

  9. Helena (Billy Idol Buys Me Bracelets) says:

    Lawl. The mysterious “what a weekend! SO.REWARDED.” tweet didn’t work, so she had to up the ante and promise a mysterious job-related “official announcement” for the next month. Such an expert tease. I’m so curious about your new “job” I’ll be hyperventilating till 2011, Julezie, except by “curious” I mean “apathetic” and by “hyperventilating” I mean “living a normal satisfied life and dressing in a sane, non-repulsive fashion.”

  10. SFish says:

    Why would the Federal Communications Commission care about what Julia Allison posts on her blog?

  11. It’s merely a waste of your time?!! Not actionable?!! Have lawyers become evitable somehow?!!

  12. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    Let’s see…

    — She was “approached for” this job a year and a half ago. She’s not banging on any doors, bunnies!
    — She can’t give any details, except to Brittany Bohnet. It’s a special non-disclosure clause that permits her to have something to talk about with her successful friends.
    — The contract has gone through multiple drafts. She must be a hot property!
    — Perhaps this “official announcement” was postponed until next year, so as not to conflict with the other “official announcement” that was due in mid-November.
    — Apparently that draconian contract that forced her to return to blogging after flouncing from the net has expired! Yay!

    Julia always seems to get amaze-ballz news just before she flies to SF. How lucky for her!

    • bitchface says:

      don’t forget dropping that she paid $500 for that hair too

      (seriously? 5 smackers for… that? eesh)

  13. here's the thing says:

    how does she have $500 to spend on HER HAIR!? how how how?????

  14. Julia's 4th Nose says:

    Really? She got the offer on May 13, 2009? I looked at her liecast, and all she did on May 13, 2009 was post (literally!) nine times about weddings, including this gem, “Dear Future JA Bridesmaids: You do realize you’ll be wearing huge bright pink gowns, right? Just checking. Five years in advance. xoxo, JA.”

    She also had a breakdown (she calls it a “quarterlife crisis”) and wrote maybe her longest post yet. (See here: http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/107099635)

    • The Pelterina says:

      Ok about that post.

      She says “But the truth is, I’m starting to feel like trying to make other people happy is a pretty sure recipe for my own unhappiness.” This single quote sums up her existence to me so perfectly. Why? Because I find that I’m happiest when I’m making someone else happy. One of the many things my mom has reiterated throughout my life, we’re not here just for ourselves. We’re here to make a contribution to society. And Julia’s perspective is the polar opposite of that. It’s why she has so many issues. Because Julia focuses on Julia instead of trying to make the world a better place. This one statement sums her up so perfectly as a complete narcissist, although we already knew that.

      Sorry this is so long.

      • Afghani Facebook Friend says:

        “Because I find that I’m happiest when I’m making someone else happy.”
        ——————————

        Same here. But not making random ppl on the internet happy (“readers”, “fans”, etc.)… making actual people in my life happy/proud/fulfilled. And you can’t do that by doing one thing here, another thing there, etc. You do it over a period of time with sustained effort and thoughtfulness.

      • MinnietheMoocher, Inc says:

        When was Julia ever trying to make other people happy?

      • zandra - edibles lover! says:

        The time her intern spent waiting in JA’s lobby was the HAPPIEST time of her life, bunnies!

  15. darling mrs. melissa sue [drops phone] says:

    On March 13, 2009, she was at SXSW. She was photographed with Caro, the wine guy.

    That morning, she was blogging favorably about CurrentTV. The next day she was blogging obsessively about Zappos. It was also the day NonSociety 2.o launched. Yuk.

  16. glutenfreecookies says:

    why doesn’t this post show up on the home page of rbns? i keep refreshing, but i only find this post in the “recent comments” sidebar.

  17. obese says:

    Let’s see. Her rent should be around $4000/month
    travel & entertainment, $1500/month
    electronics and other sundries (like new MacBook Air, plastic hair, ye olde froques), another $2000/month
    Damn! Julia’s clearing around $100k/year as a homeless, jobless person! (And this is why she is a to’al pig, always & forever more.)

  18. It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

    That collar bone freaks me out!

  19. Ridonkulous says:

    A new tweet:

    “Okay, I admit it. I sort of want a Pillow Pet.”

    Body: 29, bumping up against 30.

    Mind: 12 bumping up against 13.

    God, this woman is an idiot

  20. New Year New You says:

    NONDISCLOSURE

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGjCAxIeBnE

    With her fake microphone and the Ryan Pelt-R-Us logo at the end of the video. Did you pay for your pelts Julia? No you didn’t and you never disclose anything you big fat donkey liar.

    • It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

      Wow. Just like her delusions about the pelts, Donkey The Label Whore really thinks that the purple DVF wrap dress is flattering on her & she keeps wearing it, over & over, in videos. I love how she continually gets it so hideously wrong.

      • whydidyoupayforthose? says:

        so… she did, in fact, pay for those pelts. i know this because she found the lovely ryan and tj via my blog! i remember sitting there when her “assistant” called in to make an appointment. they informed me that they were going to charge her for the “hair.”

        ryan and tj are both (much to your chagrin) lovely people. ryan gave me my own set of “pelts’ gratis because we are actually friends. however, mine did not look like a dead animal stuck to my head. perhaps ja just has shitty hair and not even sticking in some extensions can hide that. how she pays for such things is beyond me.

        i’m happy that tj has started his own venture and will be leaving good ol nonsociety for his own blog. another one bites the dust. xx

      • New Year New You says:

        She paid for the hair. But does she pay for the services EVERY SIX WEEKS? Come on now, she ain’t making videos and putting logos on her blahg out of the kindness of her heart.

      • It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

        Link to your blog, whydidyoupayforthose? TIA.

      • It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

        Page doesn’t load (for me).

    • for serious??? says:

      she feels like Kim Kardashian? Ewww.

      • diluted brain says:

        Well because you know… she has an ass like her too.

        Seriously the donkey is the worst person I’ve seen with a microphone in their hand.. Bad, bad, camera presence so I am hoping her job is in print.

    • Actual Shower Vommer says:

      brb, going to lol 4eva.

      http://oi51.tinypic.com/fe02gk.jpg

  21. It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:
  22. Jacy says:

    HOLY SHIT

    He’s almost as bad as she is on camera but FUCK is she bad on camera. And lordsamercy, does she ever look rough in this shoot. Dress two sizes too small, hair looks like hell before and after the extensions, the blinking, the claw.

    For laughs, go to 2:25 and freeze it. Nice snorting, Donkey.

  23. ;) says:

    She’s obviously been practicing her interview skills because she has at least stopped interrupting all her interviews by talking about herself! But she is still *so* freaking bad.

  24. Bitch says:

    “The things that really matter never change. It’s about finding your purpose, helping each other, making a life with another person.” – mom

    So, getting married…

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      She’s the encyclopedia of bromides.

    • It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

      It’s freaking late to be pestering
      Mom$ser about being a $pin$ter.

    • take me with you, mom says:

      Funny, when I make late-night phone calls to my mom, it’s never about whether or not I’m ever going to land a man. I don’t sit with my family and pontificate about how cute it will be when I make a little life with someone else. My mother, who works with third grade special education students, and I (I work with high school students from low income, first generation college-going families) talk about how we will help our students live better lives than their parents, or better lives than they expected. So you know what? Fuck you, Baugher family. Because living some beautiful Winnetka life never really comes into it. And that’s where I grew up.

      • Peltface says:

        No shit. This drives me crazy, this emphasis from mom to donk about finding a man. What fucked-up advice to give your already fucked-up daughter.

    • diluted brain says:

      That’s what I hate about her momsters enabling her also. Life isn’t about finding a man. My mom(sters) would say this if I were inquiring like her — First you need to find happiness in yourself before you allow someone else to make you happy.

      Not for anything as a newlywed (May 2010, bitch), marriage didn’t change me or give me a purpose. I was happy with hubscat before and still am just now we have it official.

  25. fc says:

    FCC (Fuck Camping Commission) guidelines state that no matter what julia says, she is still a dumbass.

  26. Sounds like she paid $500 too much.

  27. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    $500 for the Keratin Complex Express Blow Out?

    OK, but lots of salons seem to charge in the $150 range. It’s being marketed as the cheaper version of their full treatment.

    Ryan, you sly dog you.

  28. so she is admitting that RBNS readers are her only NS readers?

    Jacy, JP can we give her a job editing Mary Rambin’s shit?

    Its about as real as Julia actually being hired..

  29. pretty pink pony says:

    BUT WHAT ABOUT THE MORE THAN 100+ NEWSPAPERS THAT ARE WAITING FOR HER COLUMN

  30. Naansociety says:

    What kind of “job” takes a year and a half to “negotiate”? Whoever’s hiring her must not be terribly interested in getting her on board. And I think that we and she think of jobs as being different things. To all of us, a job is something you do every day and that you get paid for with an annual salary. Whereas she thinks of things like that Sony ad campaign as a job, where she showed up for two days, walked around a blue screen, and made goo-goo eyes at the quarterback. So I don’t think her “job” is anything in marketing or anything, really, normal at all. I think it’s some reality show thing (her and the cast of the first season of The Real World alone in a haunted house?) or else she snookered some other company into paying her to be a spokesperson (Candies, maybe?). But I highly doubt it’s a 9-to-5 thing. Even if it’s a weekly or monthly dating column, that only barely qualifies as a job.

  31. My Bald Runyon Canyon says:

    Sadly, I think the syndicated columnist job is probably real. It’ll focus on something unoriginal like “how the internet is changing dating and society” and will have a stupid name like “SOCIAL MEDIA-TATIONS” by Julia Allison.

  32. Sylvia says:

    Maybe her job is to be a full-time wife? And it took the matchmaking agency since May 2009 to find a willing participant to put up with that?

  33. Brianna says:

    How is posting anything here ever more of a ‘waste of time’ than anything else?

    This is entertainment. How can you ‘waste your time’ being highly entertained by probable speculation?

    Hell, let’s ‘waste our time’ every time she glowingly slobbers all over something in a review-y way without mentioning whether or not it is a review! Most ‘professional bloggers’ make sure to put a little ‘not a comped review, I paid full price for this product’ at the end of their posts just to be sure everyone is clear on things – no need to act like a smug bitch, Julie, just because you can’t be bothered to lift the barest finger.

    I mean, damn, my WOOL BLOGS post whether or not samples were comped, and there isn’t a lot of fuck you money in wool these days.

  34. ShesJustStupid says:

    I can’t even see her doing some non-real job, like hosting some obscure show or writing a column. Maybe if the column is once a month or something. That won’t pay the rent, though. Oh wait…

  35. ShesJustStupid says:

    Oh, by the way, there’s an acquaintance of mine on facebook who did something very JABesque yesterday. Posted that she finally had an offer on her apartment and was looking forward to not paying the mortgage anymore, etc., now that she’s living with her fiance in a different city. What a load of crap. Dad bought that apartment, Dad is selling it, Dad is paying the mortgage.

    • Donkadoo Ball says:

      Stuff like that infuriates me. Excuse me while I rant about a former best friend that I haven’t spoken to in a year.

      I spent about 16 years of my life being best friends with an Asian version of Donks. She was a blast to hang out with when we were younger, but sometime during college, I really grew to resent her. It had a lot to do with her pretending to be a poor college student when in reality, her mom and dad were bankrolling EVERYTHING – rent, cars, entertainment, vacations – you name it. Meanwhile, I was going to school full time, working part time, living in a dingy shoebox of an apartment in DC and living off of chips and salsa for weeks at a time.
      After college, she declared that she was “too creative to work in an office” and ended up spending the better part of a year dicking around her parents house and pretending to apply to grad school. When she finally did apply, it was obvious to everyone that she did it to a) have an excuse not to find a job and b) find a husband.
      Also like Donks, she was obsessed with the idea of having a wedding. When I got engaged before she did, she didn’t even pretend to be happy for me. She went into protest mode and found a way to get out of participating in any pre-wedding preparation despite being one of my bridesmaids. A week before the wedding, she claimed that a wrist injury was going to keep her from traveling back to DC for the wedding (WTF??), but at the last minute she just showed up at the rehearsal like she was there to save the day. The real kicker is that when she ended up getting married a year later, she kicked me out of the bridal party because she claimed that I “didn’t seem enthusiastic enough” about her wedding. Maybe I didn’t, but that had a lot to do with the fact that she made weekly threats to call off the wedding, so I wasn’t rushing to book my travel (seven months in advance). We haven’t spoken in two years and I can safely say that my life has improved because of it.

  36. diluted brain says:

    If she is writing a new dating column, whoever hired her should be fired. No one should trust someone’s advice that can’t hold a relationship and has no structure in their life. It’s not like she will have witty tales of dating, it will be just be her brayage version of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Shitttt, maybe I solved the puzzle and that’s the name of her column.

  37. shamoolia says:

    Love how that tacky donkey tells you exactly how much she paid (including tip!!) for her treatment.

    I sort of get the idea she has massive credit card debt. You don’t have to have a “job”, real or fake, to run up massive credit card bills on things like hair treatments, Macbook Airs and ugly clothing. Her spendy habits, total lack of income and utter cheapness (selling used sweatsuits, asking Janis Spindel for her $25 back) leads me to believe this donkey is very, very cash poor/deep in debt.

    • literally ineffable retard says:

      the way she spends money, like cross country trips that last for a couple days at a time, is so irrational that its insane. its befitting of a high paid executive, rather than an unemployed homeless person who makes a few hundred dollars a month doing tv spots. and the fact that she just decided to pursue getting that “gold member” status with the airline, without planning where she would go or how she would get the miles, is just so insane to me. she could have been flying much less expensive airlines, and, like a donkey, she chose to follow this dumb plan in the blind hope that MAYBE it would work out.

    • Donkadoo Ball says:

      I completely agree.

      Remember how she used to brag about always being able to pay the entire balance of her credit cards? I believe it was during her days at Star. You don’t really hear her saying stuff like that anymore. So between not having anywhere to live and crashing on people’s couches, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s using lines of credit to keep up the appearance that she’s thriving.