Julia Allison Threatens National Security

During a weekend where AMERICA ALMOST DIED with the threats of parcel bombs exploding on planes, Julia Allison, asshat furry fetishist, decided it would be cute to waste everyone’s fucking time.

Photo Credit: Asshole in her asshat garb who makes me nervous when she boards a plane.


Getting “wanded” by TSA in Vegas. HA

Yes, ha, indeed, you fucktard. She could’ve been Obama’s speechwriter. Now she’s on Obama’s terror watch list.

And let me get this straight. This abhorrent, revolting tool who is incapable of growing the fuck up, as is evident from this stupid ass costume she is wearing, went to Vegas over the Halloween weekend to attend a conference on personal growth? And even though her supposed venture-capitalist boyfriend and her OMGBEST Randi Fuckingturd are in San Francisco, she celebrates Halloween by going to a strip club with, not a friend, but the brother of a long-lost high school friend who won’t answer her texts? And she is insulted when the cab driver thinks she is a stripper? Despite the fact that she is dressed, like, well, that up there? And she spends her Halloween evening pestering airport security and fellow airline passengers with her OMGI’MSOCUTENESS because she slaughtered and skinned a Muppet and wore it on her head?

I don’t know what has happened, whether it’s her or me. Perhaps it’s because I’ve now passed my expiration date, but Julia Allison has very quickly gone from hilarious to laugh at to just plain infuriating. The fact that this unemployed, horse-toothed vagabond continues on with her empty meaningless existence without any awareness of the world around her, well, it’s not funny anymore. For some reason, it insults me. She is just a complete and total waste of a human being. She contributes absolutely nothing to society, unless society is in the market for some used, greasy polyester pelts or the pungent anal effluence of kale and nut juice.

Last time I checked it wasn’t.

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63 Responses to Julia Allison Threatens National Security

  1. Our Lady of Bray says:

    She makes me sick to my stomach – I think JP said it before – it’s just not funny anymore. She really needs some help.

    • juliajane says:

      Yeah, she’s insulting and I am incredulous that her parents continue to support her revolting antics. What the hell are they thinking?!

      I agree that she needs help, but I also think she needs a bloody big kick up the arse.

  2. ethel egg says:


    And why is she getting “wanded”? Is being “wanded” not a real thing? Hopefully some time when I go to a pub sometime soon, I’ll be getting fucking “wanded” too. With a “cock”.

  3. ethel egg says:

    I’ve just been “thinking about it”, and I like being “wanded” with “cocks” around my “mouth” and “vagina”.

    “Sorry” “kids”, I “also like being” “uncouth”.

  4. nuanced stabbies says:

    pungent anal effluence – now *there* is a handle

  5. loves it says:

    Very well said JP!

  6. Fred Grott says:

    so Julia has become a Plushie Escort?

    Is there much use for such a thing or service?

    • Fred Grott says:

      Wait, well of course the new TSA pat down rules!

      Hey Julia it appears that TSA needs yo after all ..so dress up like that and go to the next airport..and make sure to state that you opt out of the backscatter scanner.. shh waiting for Julia’s arrest after slapping TSA agent during the aggressive pat-down

  7. ShesJustStupid says:

    This whole thing was orchestrated for Greasy PE. She wanted to make a sexy entrance to SF on Sunday night so she needed an excuse to wear a costume. Twatting about the guy and the strip club was an effort to make him think she’s desirable. She wanted to arrive in that costume and she made up a reason to do it. One has to assume that Greasy PE had to work on Monday morning–it didn’t look from his clothes like he was out at a party–so there was no reason for her to be wearing that get-up except to titillate (ugh) him.

  8. Stalker is the new Empurpled Pity Polyp ♪ ♫ says:

    Senor Greasy has deleted his facebook page, it seems.

  9. shamoolia says:

    “Tots” agree JP. She is just so fucking depressing and pathetic. And that costume isn’t even sexy or slutty. She wore yoga pants underneath so her fat ass wouldn’t hang out. That’s less sexy or slutty and more too old and busted for that shit. I doubt the cab driver mistook her for a Vegas stripper.

  10. DirtyLakeMichigan says:

    Yes JP, welcome to the dark side. Wait until you get waaaaaaaay past your expiration date and another stupider, more self-absorbed, clueless, 20-something bursts on to the scene thinking they’re doing anything different than any other selfish, fame-whore before them.
    Makes me want to go all Michael Douglas in “Falling Down”.

  11. Naansociety says:

    What in the world happened to that nationally syndicated column she was going to write? (Instead she should do a cartoon based on Peanuts called Totally Nuts.) And what about the book her agent begged her to write? Or any or all of those meetings? At least when she had Time Out, or even the TMI show (as silly and fake as that was) it was SOMETHING; she is now truly adrift, wasteful, purposeless.

  12. dd says:

    Just four years ago she dressed up in a condom dress and paraded around at a Gawker party. Gawker sucks now, but four years ago, it was kind of a big deal, and she got the attention she wanted. Now, she has to dress up as a furry and parade around airports for attention. I guess if she squints hard enough she can pretend this guy with the wand is Nick Denton. Sad and pathetic.

  13. Bitch says:

    I hear what you’re saying, but don’t you think she is also just representative of so many of the self-absorbed, entitled ass-hats of the internet/world, who care more about creating some public image than the world around them?

    I mean, her total lack of awareness – as indicated by her willingness to go through security with this costume on a weekend during which bombs were mailed to us via airplane – is just one example. She’s been unemployed, and could be volunteering at polling booths, could be encouraging her “readers” to volunteer, could somehow be giving back to society, given how rich and spoiled she is. But she doesn’t, because apathy is apparently the new cool.

    I don’t really care about JA, because I don’t really think she has a readership other than this site. She’s obviously sick and delusional. She will continue along this path until she self-destructs, since she’s clearly shown she’s unwilling to get help.

    I care more about the Emily Gould’s and Meaghan O’Connell’s, who seem to have some unfathomable following by young people, and yet it’s all me me me because that’s what’s “cool”: Validation. Caring about others is no longer cool. Being self-aware is no longer cool, though pretending to be self-aware via long-winded, poorly written blog posts is. Considering the hypocrite you are is no longer cool. Thinking about how your actions affect others is no longer cool. It’s more symptomatic of our culture, if anything. And that’s what’s scary to me.

    Sorry, it’s election day and I’m feeling quite cynical (but also realistic, I think). Please vote today.

    • Stalker is the new Empurpled Pity Polyp ♪ ♫ says:

      already did 🙂 Voted on my way to work. Relatively long line too.

    • My nostrils are TOTALLY symmetrical! says:

      Yes vote! I voted last week (early voting rulesss)!

    • Jacy says:

      I have always found there is something about JA that is very representative of the whole Facebook “LOOK AT ME!!” generation. She takes it to the extreme, but the reason I find her fascinating is that she is somewhat typical of the worst parts of that generation, but mutated and exaggerated. I do find her interesting from a sociological standpoint, even though I realize that makes me sound like an undeniably ineffable retard.

      • Precious in the New Darling says:

        It was all predicted in Jennifer Egan’s best seller Look At Me. I wonder why there are not more people talking about it.

    • Donksers says:

      I couldn’t agree with you more, Bitch. Absolute self-absorption is the new cool, and it’s really disheartening to see how widespread it is. The Julia Allisons of this world don’t feel like self-absorption is something they need to overcome; they feel like it’s something they need to aspire to. Donkey could be the poster child for this awful trend.

  14. It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

    Where? Has that costume been?
    * Stratoshpere Donkey Launch
    * Vegas Casino
    * CGW Seminar
    * Taxi Cab
    * Strip Club / Crashed Bachelor Party
    * Vegas Airport Security Check-In
    * Airplane
    * SFO Airport

    Mr. Khaki Pants gagging in fauxto background says it all …

    • JABa the Butt says:

      Ugh. A few hours in the casino and I feel like I need to burn my clothes. No WAY would I wear them on a plane the next day, for the sake of my nose and the noses of everyone around me.

  15. It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

    Flying to Chicago to vote for Mark @Kirk4senate, (maybe)* work the phones at Election HQ & god willing, celebrate his victory!!! less than a minute ago via Echofon

    *LEGALESE: No way asshat would literally to lift a red, white or blue patriotic hoof & actually do volunteer work when she’s tots above doing any work of the real kind.

    • My nostrils are TOTALLY symmetrical! says:

      Wait, she’s already registered to vote in Chicago? That was surprisingly quick.

    • The Dopamine of Possibility says:

      That tweet made me particularly ragey this morning. Probably because I’m stuck at work all day and it’ll be a miracle if I make it to the polls before closing. Meanwhile, Donks will fly into town, clomp her way to the polls and spend the rest of the day lying around the OMGLAKEHOUSE like she’s suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning.

      If I worked or volunteered for Kirk’s campaign, I would be fucking pissed to have this Donkey clomp in at the very last minute to answer phones and claim victory like she was some tireless supporter. It’s the same way she became this big Giants fan after never so much as mentioning baseball on her blergh.

    • Ridonkulous says:

      Yet another vocabulary puzzler form Donks: On her blergh, she says she’s flying to Chicago to cast her vote because “Peer pressure from my Dad almost always works.” A “peer’ is someone who is equal in abilities, qualifications, age or background as another person. Does she really think of her father as a “peer?” Or does that fact that she’s now banging a Princeton alum change her status somehow? Once again, our vaunted journalist leaves us with so many questions about how she uses the English language!

      • little birdies dress me says:

        I am sure her Dad peers at her quizzically often and then pressures her to do stuff. Peer pressure. Voila!

    • bettedavis says:

      I love that Little Miss Liberal Julie is bragging about voting for Kirk, aka her dad’s BFF who gave her a job in D.C. after her disastrous, forgotten semester at Indiana University. Is Miss Baugher officially a Republican now?

      • bettedavis says:

        *Not to mention that Kirk lied about his military service. Or is that libel? I mean he deliberately mislead voters into thinking he was a combat veteran when he wasn’t. Not that Donk the Wonk knows anything about that.

  16. Ca Ca Nails says:

    What most chaps my ass about this is that I firmly believe the TSA should mandate that if you just HAVE to wear your adorable Halloween costume to the airport, holding up screening lines and leading everyone to believe you’re batshit, you should be TREATED like you are batshit and be fully prepared for an adorable full cavity search.

    From what I’ve heard, the full strip searches are pretty degrading and traumatic, nothing to “tee hee” over on a blog–our Lady of Bray would get outraged, scream for inevitable lawyers who would just shrug and say “sorry, moron, don’t fuck around in airports,” but most important, she would finally be reprimanded for her stupidity instead of rewarded.

    • Our Lady of Bray says:

      You rang?

    • Cupcake-the-Commenter says:

      Yeah, well, she’s white and ostensibly cute, so things like that don’t happen to her. And she knows it.

    • It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

      “From what I’ve heard, the full strip searches are pretty degrading and traumatic, nothing to “tee hee” over”

      Hearing a man sob while telling of his wheelchair-bound, in-a-coma wife being subjected to the full-on body search (yes, cavities too) … I don’t have words to describe the genuine pain & humiliation felt for those folks being singled out.

  17. Jordache and the Pelts says:

    I find this year’s tricks more tragic than Julia crying in her tutu at that douchey actor’s party last year.
    Julia is “literally” like one of those methed out schizos, talking to an imagined audience, and aimlessly and ineffectively stirring up shit that I see on the streets of Baltimore. I think all hope has been abndoned at this point. Is all.
    Surely her folks must realize she can’t go on like this, but they don’t seem to be following through with reining her in. Her folks could certainly line her up with work or an internship in Chicago while she gets treatment and lives somewhat independently in the downtown condo facility, but at this point I think she needs to be committed.

  18. FU Money says:

    Nice monologue JP – well said.

  19. Julia's Fat Ass says:

    I really don’t understand why her parents don’t squash this shit already. She’s almost 30 years old. Instead of telling her to grow the fuck up, stop being an entitled asshole, and GET A FUCKING JOB, they instead offer her a free place to crash between her insane trips around the country for no real reason whatsoever. It’s their fault entirely, they created this mess. The least they could too is stop enabling her bullshit.

    • Our Lady of Bray says:

      EXACTLY – shut this shit down parental unit. Tout de suit.

    • diluted brain says:

      I was laid off from my last job. My parents ask me almost daily about how the search is going and if I found anything good to apply to. My hubscat and I aren’t affected at the moment with me not working but of course my parents know it’s better to be busy, working for my well being then sitting on the couch watch Rachael Ray. I’m surprised her parents don’t push her to work or be active in the community atleast.

  20. diluted brain says:

    Could you imagine her arriving at the airport to be greeted by TayTay. She probably prances towards him in his costume while he looks at her like WTF. Strangers probably pointing and laughing at the crazy lady dressed as a fox in the airport. Then before kissing him hello, she goes, wait, let’s take a photo of us and post it on facebook.

    • She gives me Shills! says:

      How does she always manipulate people into Picking-Her-UP-at-various Aeroports??? Don’t most people take a cab/public transit??? worrisome.

  21. Disgusted by the Donkey says:

    I saw this and just had to share. Cat mocks Donkey:


  22. bitchface says:

    OMG no wonder Chicago politics are such a disaster. She’d rather paint her nails “for election day” but didn’t want to vote until dadsers threatened her. So now she’s voting, although she most likely has NO clue about the candidates or issues.

    “Oh HIS name is cute. I wonder if he’s rich? I’ll vote for him.”
    “tee hee- I’ll put little smiley faces by this one cuz’ that funny looking pointy leaf reminds me of Christmas which reminds me of Santa which reminds of a slutty elf costume I wore…”
    “I’ll vote for HER because I’m all feminist-like AND she’s a Democrat so I can tell Randi-with-an-i Z.!”
    “And then I’ll vote for him because I’m secretly a Republican who wants daddy to keep his money from the big bad socialists like Megatits McCain says.”

    Exhibit A as to why our country has peaked.

  23. Erica says:

    OK hold on. Last time I checked airport security was no joke. No joke like, taking photographs in security areas was not allowed?!? or did I make that rule up?

    Next question..WHO THE FUCK TAKES ALL THESE PHOTOS OF HER? Is she just constantly asking strangers around her to document her life? How fucking awkward is that?

    • Cupcake-the-Commenter says:

      You have to ask nice & show your boobs

    • cupcake cray cray says:

      I thought that there were ‘no photography’ signs all over the place in the security area at the airport, but rules don’t apply to the tacky, pelted donkey, apparently.

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