Attention Dadsers: Apparently “Peer” Pressure Works!

Peer pressure from my Dad almost always works.

Is that so? “Peer” pressure (is it peer pressure, by the way, if it’s coming from the guy who pays your rent and essentially supports you?) from Dadsers almost always works?

If that’s true, then Dadsers needs to exert the following “peer” pressure immediately by ordering Donkey to:

1. Get an actual paying job that doesn’t involve fauxto shoots, pulling all-nighters Googling herself and flying around the country for no reason.
2. Pay rent for the OMG OMG downtown condo.
3. Grow the fuck up.
4. Get some longterm, intensive therapy to deal with the NPD.
5. Stop looking to men to fill her gaping maw of a soul.
6. Stop harassing exes.
7. Stop being an utter douche in all regards.
8. Give Jordo back her tiara.
9. Stop licking cakes.
10. Stop kissing Zuckerberg ass — Mark has a girlfriend, for God’s sake, and she could crush you like an insect.

Add your own!

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115 Responses to Attention Dadsers: Apparently “Peer” Pressure Works!

  1. Our Lady of Bray says:

    “Stop licking cakes” – that gave me the lollies before bed time. Nighty night cat ladies.

  2. darling mrs. melissa sue [drops phone] says:

    What a complete loser. Why does she still vote in Chicago, anyway? Isn’t her hometown New York, NY?

    Also, why didn’t she just absentee ballot like any normal person who flies all over the country aimlessly without any job or other commitments to attend to? You can still be a patriot while being a homeless bag lady!

    • My nostrils are TOTALLY symmetrical! says:

      I brought up the same thing in the last post, Jacy and “Calfidelphia” said she probably never switched it over to vote in NYC.

      Not only could she have filled an absentee ballot, she could have voted early in IL. I voted at some random library last Wednesday.

    • She gives me Shills! says:

      make that Wilmette, IL—registered at childhood home.

      • EinsteinJulia says:

        I’m so ashamed of my generation. Yes, hard times happen, but in general, 30 is TOO DAMN OLD to have your parents as your permanent address. They should also not be paying your cell phone bill, your car insurance, or taking you grocery shopping. Learn to live on your fucking own, asswipes.

      • darling mrs. melissa sue [drops phone] says:

        Shit! My mother insists on paying my cell phone bill, and I’m 27. I am ashamed.

    • New York says:

      I take umbrage to that! have disowned her (add multiple exclamation marks)

  3. I’m pretty sure she won’t find the time to actually vote.

    • Disgusted by the Donkey says:

      Eh, I’m sure she will vote. She’ll probably even be classless enough to take a picture of her ballot with her red/white/blue nails AND her red/white/blue outfit just so she can tweet about it.

  4. UM WTF?

    “Peer pressure from Facebook & my father? I *HAD* to vote!! RT @fastcompany: Facebook On A Mission to Make Sure You Vote – http://is.gd/gC9nh

    Oh she HAD to vote because Facebook told her? Not because she cares about being involved civically and giving a shit about this fucked up country of ours?

  5. SA says:

    Worrisome texts…why the desperate approval-seeking? True validation comes from within, Julia. Namaste.

    • little birdies dress me says:

      Why the insistence about pressure from her Dad when he doesn’t seem to answer her between the two texts? Where’s the pressure?

  6. Prolific Commenter says:

    All the 30 year olds I know are flying to their parents suburban home to vote today, tots normal. I think part of the reason she still acts like a petulant teenager is because her parents still treat her like one, but of course they treat her like one because she is so umemployable, aimless, and generally unsuccessful and incapable of being independent. Oh, the paradox.

    Has everyone seen the picture of her “boy”? The child would have the biggest nose known to mankind. Woof.

    • Disgusted by the Donkey says:

      That would be the case if the boy actually impregnates her. Surely he will wake up sooner if not later and rapidly backtrack?! SURELY??

  7. Ineffable says:

    Does anyone really want her dumbass to bother voting? Enough to keep flying across the country? She is a true douchebag

  8. SFish says:

    I love how his contact name is “Dad!” with an exclamation point. My father and I are very, very close and love each other very much, but that’s just…odd.

  9. diluted brain says:

    If I paint my nails red, white, and blue, does that make me a true American?

  10. It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

    I submit the following revision:

    PEER PRESSURE
    Peering through my fingers at a public display of Donkalypse Now resulted in such painful pressure on my eyes, I was rendered speechless beyond ‘Bitch, please!’

  11. Dictionary says:

    peer1    
    [peer] Show IPA
    –noun
    1. a person of the same legal status: a jury of one’s peers.
    2. a person who is equal to another in abilities, qualifications, age, background, and social status.
    3. something of equal worth or quality: a sky-scraper without peer.
    4. a nobleman.
    5. a member of any of the five degrees of the nobility in Great Britain and Ireland (duke, marquis, earl, viscount, and baron).
    6. Archaic . a companion.

    Pray tell, HOW does Dadsers! qualify as a peer? Or Facebook, for that matter?

  12. The Manta says:

    You know she’s voting Republican.

    • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues says:

      How do you know? Two years ago, she posted her absentee ballot showing that she voted for Obama.

      Just because the overwhelming majority here are on the left and dislike Donkey, that doesn’t automatically mean that she’s a Republican.

      • bitchface says:

        We don’t, but she’s supporting @Kirk4senate

      • Worrisome Pelts says:

        Shhhhhh! We’re not allowed to point that out! #dontletthedoorofthespeaker’sofficehityouonthewayoutPelosi

      • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues says:

        bf: she supported Obama 2 years ago.

      • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues says:

        Also, I’ve voted for a Dem because I know him personally. Even though I disagreed with just about all of his votes and policies, I know he’s a good person.

      • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues says:

        (Sorry to keep adding, but I’m not feeling well and keep forgetting that I have shit to add)

        I can definitely see Donkey supporting Kirk because he’s a friend of her father and that if he wins, she’ll somehow get some reflected glory off of it and use that connection in some crass manner.

      • XX says:

        You’ve seriously voted for someone whose policies you completely disagreed with? Yikes!

      • It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

        Lesser of two evils, maybe? I’ve voted that way many a time, rather than be altogether apathetic about voting when no candidate is worth a shit.

      • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues says:

        XX: He was going to win anyway. I knew nothing about the other candidate (it was token opposition) and I refuse to vote for candidates for significant office if I don’t know at least something about them (we’ve had some real loons run for Congress as Repubs, because the Dem incumbent is insurmountable), and I knew this guy at least is genuinely sincere in his desire to help his constituents.

        It also helps to have a friend in an influential position.

  13. wonkeye says:

    She’s gotta go home and vote for her homey, Mark Kirk. Maybe try to intimidate an African-American voter or two:

    http://www.tnr.com/blog/jonathan-cohn/78392/voter-fraud-republicans-kirk-minority

    • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues says:

      Where’s this racism thing coming from?

      Seriously, Donkey is a lot of things and there are few things I enjoy more than mocking the shit out of her, but racism is a pretty heavy charge. Do we have proof, other than the Bolt Bus incident?

    • XX says:

      Wonkeye didn’t say “racism.” She said “intimidate an African-American voter or two,” which is exactly what Mark Kirk’s plan is.

      • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues says:

        How do you know that is Kirk’s plan? Because a leftwing publication says so?

        While Wonkeye didn’t specifically use the word “racist” or “racism,” it was implied. Also, that term has been tossed around here before, regarding Donkey.

  14. ShesJustStupid says:

    The fact that she considers her father a “peer” and not a “parent” really says it all.

  15. It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

    The “Inpatient Treatment” Google ad on this post is cracking me up …

  16. Donksers says:

    “Another morning, another 6 am flight – so hard to leave my sweet SF boy sleeping in bed! Headed to Chicago for Election Day, baby.”

    GAG. Just total fucking gag.

    • At least she didn’t say “snuggled.”

      *vomits on dropped phone*

    • diluted brain says:

      It’s Wilmette!!!!! Not Chicago!!!! If I had a twitter, I would not say I was going to NYC all the time if I was really going to SI or Bklyn. Jesus!

      • bitchface says:

        🙂 I live in the east bay SF but i always say “SF” or “The Bay Area” or “Silicon Valley” depending on who I’m talking to even though I’m a good 25-30 miles from either city.

      • Fred Grott says:

        Technically O’Hare was not Chicago city limits until recently..even

      • FaFail Waldorf says:

        Lol, this bugs me too, but it seems like 99% of the population likes to refer to wherever they’re from/going as its closest metropolitan center. They use the excuse “Otherwise, people don’t know where it is I’m talking about!”

        I mean, really. If someone doesn’t know what New Hampshire is, I think they have bigger problems and you really don’t need to pacify them by telling them you’re from “Boston”.

      • bitchface says:

        my favorite is when I travel overseas and say “I’m from California” and they say something like “Oh you are! Maybe you know my friend Joe….”

        Or my other favorite – when my foreign friends tell me they’re coming for a vacation to the US and want to see Florida, New York, the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, California and if they have time, Hawaii – all in two weeks. Even Jabs couldn’t pull that off.

      • Helena (Don't Hare) says:

        Still beats getting asked if the place you’re from is part of Russia or Yugoslavia or another one of those subpar countries.

        Okay, that never actually happened to me personally(although I’ve heard it second-hand many times), but once I was asked by a college educated American whether food was rationed in my country. It was probably one of the funniest and definitely the most offensive question anyone ever asked me.

      • FaFail Waldorf says:

        I hear you, Helena. I think we’ve talked about this? Yeah, getting grilled about Communism is always a fun one. It’s right up there with “so you can probably speak Russian, right?” No. I can’t.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      GROOSSSSSSS

    • SO. BLESSED. (VH1? You're My Boo. Don't Ask Me What It Means) says:

      My catman would projectile vom (figuratively, not literally) if referred to as “boy.” What is tots “tiny and cute” for a few months is rarely cute #inthelongrun when there’s no substance.

      • fuck camping! says:

        #whilst she is engaged in her manic phase, and he is enamored with her clam dungeon, “the boy” is tots acceptable, though. 😛 #NotGonnaPutARingOnIt

      • SO. BLESSED. (VH1? You're My Boo. Don't Ask Me What It Means) says:

        I disagree with you, ol’ fc, ol’ chum. I don’t think “manic” as much terribly yoked to the past.

    • FaFail Waldorf says:

      The “boy” thing is not getting any cuter, Julie.

  17. It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

    Of course Julia Allison is voting for Mark Kirk ~ he overstates his military honors just like Donkey overstates her Facebook & Twitter fan base (over 100,000 strong)

    MATH IS HARD! but uhm, er, oops …
    58,270+ 21,421 = 79,691, asshat.

  18. FU Money says:

    Hate to be the realist, but I suspect that Dadsers is pumping out less now for JULIANUS than before if you assume that he was the sole source of revenue for her.

    If her rent was a total of 2500 a month (being generous here) then that’s a 30k nut to crack. But Dadser being the smart, but enabling Dadser, prolly realized that it’s cheaper for JULIANUS to fly 4 times a month at 500 a ticket (+/-) than have her BPC spewing anus renting in NYC (not libel, factually correct!).

    So… This Carnival of Crazy will keep going. As long as Dadser believes his special snowflake has a shot to snag a married man … He is smart enough top realize her commercial value is zero.

  19. ShesJustStupid says:

    So Greasy PE started working for Credit Suisse in 2006. Is that the year he graduated? Making him…26?

    • It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

      ’04 Princeton grad.

    • FU Money says:

      assuming it is typical track.. Graduates at 22 …. CSFB for 3 yeas… PE for c.2 or 3 years …26 is a good guess …. he’s prolly told her he wants the Stanford MBA making her Donkey Dream … most likely he’s impressed he went to a Rand party, but is figuring out all of JULIANUS’ lies …. I bet he is reading this site today …

    • FaFail Waldorf says:

      He’d be 28 then, right? An ’04 grad.

    • Helena (Don't Hare) says:

      Clueless: is he the same “boy” she posed with at that bierfest or whatever that atrocity a while back was?

  20. Belle says:

    And thus begins my terror countdown…

    If Mark Kirk wins his Senate race, what are the odds Dadsers asks the new Senator to give his leech of a daughter a job. Then she moves to DC, into an office a few hundred feet from mine.

    And the heart palpitations begin…

    • The Dopamine of Possibility says:

      I hope the odds of that are terrible, but I’m concerned since this is the same guy she interned for several years back. The fact that I actually got angry when she posted pictures of herself at my Metro station during the Inauguration doesn’t bode well for how I would handle her living here full time again. Don’t even think about coming to DC, Donks!

    • Ridonkulous says:

      It’s a real possibility, no doubt about it. But look on the bright side… Kirk is not stupid, and he has enough skeletons in his closet already. He knows Donk’s history and would think long and hard before dragging a two-bit Lewinski wannabe back to DC with him.

      • FU Money says:

        Doubtful Dadser donated enough to be that influential, even if he held fundraisers…. GOPers not exactly the dominant fundraising team group in Chicago.

    • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues says:

      Isn’t she a bit long in the tooth to be an intern? And it’s not as if she’s even remotely qualified to do anything else.

      In this Internet Age, Kirk isn’t going to want to ruin his reputation right out of the gate by having a media-whoring Donkey on his staff, anyway. First thing opponents do is research staffers, and we all know how even a basic donkey check will go.

      • It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

        we all know how even a basic donkey check will go

        ^ definitely = more RBNS followers

      • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues says:

        And an immediate recall vote for Kirk.

        We all know that if she somehow got a menial job on Kirk’s staff (and what other kind of job would an under qualified donkey with no experience or skills get, even from an old family friend?), she would wind up embarrassing him and becoming a HUGE liability.

      • Belle says:

        She was already an LC. So she technically has Hill experience. I know some of the Kirk alumni don’t like her, but the problem is Senate office’s are huge! Finding people to fill all the mid-level communications and leg spots can be hard in the early days.

        I pray it doesn’t happen. But if she’s not thinking that, then why all the Kirk preening today?

      • Dr. Gary says:

        @Belle

        All the election/voting hoopla and Kirk ass-kissing is to make Dadsers happy. Happy Dadsers = Open Wallet = Happy Julie.

      • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues says:

        Belle: Just because she may want it doesn’t mean that she’s going to get it.

  21. Adderall Beget This says:

    I’m amazed she learned how to take an iPhone screenshot.

  22. fuck camping! says:

    never reads here, yep, mmhhmm…
    @DBCin140 – DECONSTRUCT – yes!!!!!! That’s it! (also DESTIGMATIZE)

    • Julia Allison the Cockroach says:

      JA frenemies, I will glady pay one hundreds lols for a picture of Jabbs reading RBNS. ONE HUNDRED LOLS.

    • Bunburying says:

      I fucking knew it. I hate her more and more each day. Never using that word again. She has no idea what it means.

    • Helena (Don't Hare) says:

      Is the bitch trying to say that the words “deconstruct” and “destigmatize” mean the same thing? Do you know what I’ll do if that is what she’s trying to say? All kinds of unnatural shit, that’s what.

  23. The Dopamine of Possibility says:

    Her latest Tweet – “Landed in Chicago, headed to change into red, white & blue to vote!! What, you don’t wear theme colors to do your civic duty?!”

    No, I don’t. For starters, I’m not a lunatic who has to turn everything in her life into a chance to dress like she’s attending a fucking costume party. Also, I have a job where I am expected to dress like a professional. Translation: that’s a no to dressing like two year old at a Fourth of July picnic. Don’t even get me started on your manicure, Donks. I would probably get sent home from work if I pulled a stunt like that.

    • darling mrs. melissa sue [drops phone] says:

      i wore my pjs. because i went at 6am.

    • SO. BLESSED. (VH1? You're My Boo. Don't Ask Me What It Means) says:

      I’d plus 1 if she dresses up as Uncle Sam, complete with paper-mache head and stilts. She obviously has a talent for wearing foreign objects on her head and hookah heels so I’m sure she can improve upon that.

    • IBrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

      Another sad attempt to make herself the center of attention.
      My 11-year-old son volunteered at the local campaign office, showed up, and was out pulling votes on election day for his favorite candidate in a recent mayoral election. Never once did he feel the need to dress-up in a costume. He went as himself.
      Wearing costumes and posing for pictures does not equal patriotism or civic duty, donkey. You’re doing it wrong!!

      And rage? I have it.

      • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

        Beautifully said.

      • MinnietheMoocher, Inc says:

        He has a favorite candidate at 11? Awesome!

      • IBrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

        Yes Minnie, in the lead-up to elections, my son always comes to the door with me when candidates or their reps show up, asks questions, reads the literature. Based on that, he decided on a guy that wasn’t even the person I put up yard sign for! (My son’s candidate won, not mine!) He’s been doing this for years, he goes to city council meetings with his dad, runs petitions at his school, etc. A young politico in the making (but of his own volition, this isn’t something I’ve encouraged him to do, it’s what he’s interested in and I just support him.)

    • MinnietheMoocher, Inc says:

      You know what I did for my “civic duty”? Since I don’t have a job, I volunteered for my local candidates several times a week for the past month. I didn’t dress up like a freak. Just showed up, made calls and, when my mail-in ballot arrived, I voted. Like an ADULT!

      Donkey!

    • Ridonkulous says:

      OK, she’s dressing up in a red-white-and blue costume for no good reason. She mentioned that she might be at Kirk “election HQ” to work the phones today. This is idle speculation, but —

      If Kirk wins tonight (and the most recent punditry thinks he will) look for a Donkey photo op with the new senator. It would fit her famewhore MO perfectly.

  24. That “peer” designation is classic Donkey. She always references her olders and/or betters in the most belittling, condescending way. “Baby brother” Britt, Momsers-so-cute-at-her-very-first-NY-fashion-show, silly-Dadster-who-doesn’t-get-Facebook, funny, toddling, old Gramps. Ironically (see here for appropriate use of the concept of IRONY, Donkey), they are all so much more intelligent, hardworking and accomplished than she could ever hope to be.

    How they can put up with her I do not know.

    • Helena (Don't Hare) says:

      I think it’s the same motivation that brought us the “silly parents worried I’m going to Vegas to do crack” episode.

      ‘rents = foolishly clueless in regards to This Modern World, always (literally) hysterically trying to protect their adorable Donkey;

      Donkey herself = adorable teenage pretty princess who always gets into wild and wacky adventures, but always ends up even more adorable, gently cluing her oh so silly parents in the realities of This Modern World, which she reigns in her adorable way.

      • Julia's Too Small Tutu says:

        Thing is you are much more likely to find a crack den in Chicago than you are in Vegas where meth is king.

  25. Optimistic Balloons says:

    Maybe this was mentioned on another thread, but I happened to click over to Steve Pavlina’s site (I was curious) and saw that one of his top ten posts is: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/07/10-reasons-you-should-never-get-a-job/

    Explains where Julia gets her inspiration, hmmm?

  26. Small Wonder-Kind says:

    OT, but Arax and her man split up again?

    • fuck camping! says:

      drama in connecticut. back to being a cokehead, artax!

    • It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

      Donkey’s stable is dwindling …

      LAST SEEN ON:
      09-19 Lost in Transition
      09-21 Insatiable Journalist
      10-21 Tech Addict
      10-22 The Human Swiss Army Knife
      10-30 Fabulous Foodie
      10-30 New Media Mama

    • New Year New You says:

      Wow, what a surprise. She seemed like such a wonderfully giving person to be in a relationshit with.

      Who will put her furniture together for her now? Oh no wait, she took great pride knowing that she could do things like that for herself. Okay then, go on with your bad self girl.

  27. IBrayAnAwfulLotLately says:

    This is a prime example of the magnitude of enabling that goes on in the donkey sphere.
    “You are a true American.”
    Oh for fuck sakes. Shut it down dadser. Your daughter is a a g.d. embarrassment to America.

    • New Year New You says:

      “You are a true American”.
      Who wants an English accent.

      Also, do you pay any taxes Julia?

      • Helena (Don't Hare) says:

        She believes that taxes are “donations” to the IRS. True story. That is one donkeyquote I remember too well, because I’ve lost some serious sleep over it.

    • fuck camping! says:

      THIIIIIIIIS. donks should get a fucking clue. china has that awesome guy who can play piano with his feet, and we’ve got Clomping Julie Albertson, prolific emailing queen of the midwest. FYI to donkerina, we don’t manufacture anything in this country anymore. even your famewhoring ways are being outsourced, and your future husband is finding his younger, hotter, more talented wife online at this very moment. but please, continue to represent by sitting on your ass at the nail salon every other day, and clogging up the security line at the airport in your juicy sweats. FEEL FREE!

  28. It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:
    • fuck camping! says:

      wtf is that little THING poking out at the bottom middle of her dress?!
      we have WANG!
      (seriously though, is it a dog’s leg? what is that?)

      • It's Always Shinny in Calfadelphia says:

        I saw that too (after I’d already posted the link),
        ~ is Donkey STILL wearing the fucking fox tail??

    • LLFOOLJ says:

      Brain dead, trite & shrew! FC, your parenthetical had me cackling. 😀

  29. Yay! Go Kirk! Another war-mongering Republican who has a habit of lying (I mean “misremembering”) about his career!

    And he went to Georgetown Law! And has never worked a real job! No wonder Julia loves him.

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