Donk-Free Week Begins

So now that we have watched ChatGate 2: The Underwhelming Sequel, it’s clear that Donks is up to something, and I really don’t want any part of it. So the next week will be donkey free for me. Work is actually really busy right now, but if I do manage to post, it won’t be about that stupid cunt, because right now she is craving the attention, and I’m not going to give it to her. So let’s talk about other things.

A little personal thing about me, Julia’s Publicist. I really like pork in it’s myriad forms. As I’ve said before, this cookbook is awesome, and so is bacon, and pancetta and prosciutto, and right now I’m experimenting with a pork tenderloin with a stout citrus glaze for an upcoming dinner party. (I’m pairing it with chocolate risotto and my famed Brussels sprouts.) But here’s the problem: I also love baby pigs. I mean they are so god damn adorable. It’s a shame I have to eat them.

So while I work out my guilt with Jesus, I invite you to look at the adorable baby pigs and talk amongst yourselves.

Also, formal congratulations are in order for Darling Melissa Sue, who got married recently. Before Donks. Shame on you, Melissa Sue, for winning.


  1. Awwww JP….you’re almost as darling as Darling Melissa Sue! Posting her testicle-purse avatar is the darlingest thing I’ve ever seen. And the piglets are darling, too.

  2. JP. I would tots love to come to your dinner party. Might have to post my favorite Aussie swine recipe just for you.

    Nice one Melissa-Sue.

  3. Yay for weddings, but more yay for what comes after the party! Being with someone you love and starting a life together.
    Congrats Melissa Sue.

    Also, I love pork, but my catboyfriend doesn’t eat it. I was planning on making red beans and rice next week. I found some amazing chicken andouille sausage, but I can’t think of a good pork free substitute for hamhocks. Any suggestions?

    • I used to have that problem with my Muslim ex. (Yes, I am not just a Type A Hater, but a Muslim-Loving Type A Hater. Hot, tall, sexy Muslims who went to OMG Ivies and buy you expensive jewelry.) The only thing I ever found that works is smoked turkey leg. But it’s an intensive process to make them. I know that they are popular in some parts of the country, so maybe they are readily available elsewhere, but in NYC, it becomes another part of the cooking process.

      Honestly, you’d probably be okay without them – although it is a bummer to lose that nice smokey flavor. (Someone who works for me in a conservative Jew, and he told me that you can buy “smoke” flavoring. Not sure how I feel about that, but might be worth checking out.)

      I really wanted to make cassoulet tonight in my still-unused Le Creuset dutch oven, but the catman won’t eat beans. Bah. Let me know how yours turns out.

      • Thanks! I’ve heard of liquid smoke. I’ll try to get some and I’ll let you know how it turns out!

        One day when I am out of my entry level post-Uni job and making fuck you money I too will have le creuset cookware. Right now I just spend my lunchtimes in front of Williams Sonoma dreaming and drooling. Use that dutch oven woman! Do it for me.

    • I use that smoked Spanish paprika in lots of stew and soup dishes. It’s really good where beans are involved. There are several brands and most have a hot version and a mild version.

      Here’s an article from the Times about it. If the link doesn’t work, search the archives for the article; it’s by John Willoughby and is called “Power Ingredients: It’s Spanish for Better than Paprika”

  4. jp, I think this is a brilliant line of action to take. It occurred to me today that the ultimate up-yours & final nail in the coffin of Julia’s sham career would be if you abruptly pulled the plug on RBNS altogether. And you sort of have. I’m going to enjoy a week thinking about pleasant things–not what’s-her-name.

  5. Congrats, darling Melissa Sue! JP, Having cared for a pot bellied pig named Marie who was more affectionate than my childhood black lab, I well understand the pork is delicious/pigs are adorable dilemma. My darling RBNSers, Talk about this DICHOTOMY amongst yourselves. All week. Donk free.

  6. I’m really into this donk-free week.

    It’s like watching someone bang their head against a wall over and over, for hours. At first you can’t believe it’s really happening, then you figure it can’t go on much longer so you’ll just watch a bit, then you start to wonder what kind of person could possibly spend their day just doing that, banging their head against a wall. And then you wonder what the fuck kind of pathology leads to this relentless, destructive, and really annoying behavior. You want to say, “Stop banging your fucking head against the goddamn wall,” especially since it’s starting to give you a headache (and possibly tinnitus), but she responds, between self-inflicted blows to the head,”You’re just a jealous hater,” and keeps doing it. Every once in a while there’s a pause, and you think something might be different, that this is it, this is when she finally gives it up and realizes that banging her head against the wall is pretty dumb, but just as she seems to get that flicker of clarity, she starts up again. And you realize that she’s only really doing it because you and everyone else is watching, even though it’s with disgust, amusement, and horror.

  7. Congrats Darling Mrs. Melissa Sue! May you always have the joy of doing things of which you should be ashamed.

    That Brussels sprouts recipe is fabulous. I don’t eat them any other way now.

  8. A Donk-free week? Brillz-ballz.

    JP, after you’ve completed your experiments, please do share the tenderloin/glaze recipe! *drool*

    Melissa Sue, hope you had a lovely ceremony with cat ushers and everything.

    • my favors were little baggies of kitty litter. we were serving catnip at the bar, but we had to shut it down … thinks were getting to crazy on the dance floor.

  9. JP, I LOVE when you post about more personal stuff, or the TJ disaster, or your love for swine. So keep doing it.

    Have you cat bitches ever tried Spam? Spam is like, a delicacy in Korea. People go nuts over it. But IDK, the texture and the idea of it being all canned and spongy just grosses me out.

    • They love Spam in Hawaii, too (an island thing, I guess). They even make “sushi”rolls out of it there.

      • I love spam musubi. I was initially disgusted by the idea but tried it once and fell in love. TRY IT!

      • spam musubi. OMG . first had it in kauai. SO. GOOD. I had to buy a musubi press thing so i could make it at home.

    • Spam grosses me out too.

      Unless I’m really stoned & a fried SpamSammie makes its way into my paws, then I’m pretty much okay w/ it.

    • I looooooove spam. It’s gross but so delicious. If you want a really sort of yucky but yummy meal, fry up some cubed pieces of Spam and then throw it in some boxed mac & cheese. It’s trashy, but so good.

      Also, any scrapple fans in the house? As long as we’re talking about pork…

  10. The over and under on what’s her name having a fit about not being paid attention to are..

    Over a week
    Under a weekend

    place your bets!

    • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues

      By the end of Sunday.

      • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues

        And that should be ignored.

  11. Week free is perfect esp bc it will drive jabba crazy! Your pic selection had double meaning for me. We’re going jabba free and making a Clik purse out of a sow’s ear…

  12. Steel Magnolias has been on the television lately [demonstrably I *never* watch television nor have any tendencies toward enjoying what one would consider popular culture but I may have *seen* a TV recently or TV Guide whilst purchasing OMGanic vegetables at a food shoppe and so forth] and I have been inexplicably drawn to this phrase uttered by the ineffable Shirley MacLaine as Ouiser: You are a pig from Hell.

    I look forward to your posts from the Pelt Free Zone!

    • One of my favorite lines from that movie is at the grave-yard;
      “M’Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o’ Chiquapin Parish’d give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!”

      • I love this too: “Clairee: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time. Ouiser: I’m pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch ‘fore I couldn’t help myself.”

  13. I am pretty sure RBNS drives at least 50% or more of the traffic to her site. Let’s all try and avoid even going to JABs ego-blog.

  14. My guess is it will take a maximum of 48 hours for her to e-mail you guys out of desperation.

  15. Bravo, Melissa Sue! It’s always great to hear that a sad, angry loser has found love before an OMG PROLIFIC E-MAILER!

    Just dropped the Cat-man off at the airport. The morning sun was so bright. I should really never leave the basement. It hurts my eyes. As for me, I will be spending this Donk Free week(end) by trying not to procrastinate on studying for a huge test at work on Monday. Ugh. I have at least 30 pages of notes that just highlight the material. While I know it pretty well, there’s nothing worse than spending a weekend alone studying.

  16. JP have you ever been to Spain and had jamon pata-negra ? sweet and oily—delissioso! Plus they are all organic b/c they are free-range & only eat acorns.
    If you would like to get GayMarried (even temporarily) to an Iberian stud in Espana, I’ll throw a little fiesta and invite the Principe de Asturias.

  17. Lets take her picture off the banner for a week.

    Also, I would love a post where we can discuss all the other narcissists we know who are NOT julia.

      • JP & Jacy deserve a break from entertaining everyone on RBNS anyway ~ going to GOMI for what GOMI’s already designed for makes the most sense ~ let’s don’t try to change the scope of RBNS in & for a single week.

      • Well, GOMI is about internet peoples. I was talking more about sharing personal NPD stories. From, you know, real life. 🙂

    • I love this. Best narcissist story from each thread gets a post.

      (Also, I would like to direct attention back to my frenemies “Your costume is unoriginal, P.S., I’m wearing the exact same thing you wore four years ago” post.

    • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues

      Who cares?

    • I think it’s been established that if it were possible to retrieve the transcript, it would not be posted.

      I told Julia math is hard and she said ‘Math IS hard’… and i was like.. *stunned silence* we’re not friends. 😐
      awkward all-round.

    • There is no transcript. And nothing major was revealed, except the fact that Julia claims to know my identity, which wasn’t revealed, even though people begged her to do so.

      Oh and she said that she was motivated to engage the haters because she had chocolate. Why does she act like chocolate is like cat nip for her?

  18. I so support the donk free week. We really need to be disciplined. I think we should designate one person to check in. Then the rest of us abstain. Religiously.

    We will see her and quantcast numbers plummet.
    Ive always wanted to do this!

  19. JP: Seriously I love me some carnitas! And being located in a border city with Mexico it is a wonderful place to get it along with fresh limes, and avocados! Oh and the poors eat so cheaply here. You should come visit, I have an extra couch! 😉

  20. If it were appropriate to keep baby pigs as pets, i would get rid of my cat (JK!).

    I don’t eat meat that much is my solution to the problem of eating animals being kind of a shit thing to do. But i don’t get all self-righteous and lie about it either (cough, Julie, cough), because in actual fact, as usual, my ethics here are not exactly something to bray about (cough, Julie, cough).

    I eat meat maybe 1 or 2 times a week and it is always organic/free run (as are the eggs, cheese, milk and butter i buy). Though cheese is one area that i happily go factory and don’t care — just because to experience the full spectrum of cheese awesomeness, morals would be cumbersome, as your best triple creams or ashen cheeses aren’t organically grown.

    I guess moderation in all things? (Except in varieties of cheese consumed.)

    • Since I’m currently at the mercy of a university dining hall, I tend to avoid meat (though we do have free-range eggs!). My policy is to eat very little meat, and to make sure that the meat is ethically raised. That said, if someone invites me for dinner and asks if I’m a vegetarian, I generally say no, because “I only eat ethically raised meat” makes me sound like a douche.

      Confession: I love Kraft Singles, though those are very far from actual dairy. I put one in the microwave the other day, and it melted like plastic, not like cheese.

      Why are we discussing this, again?

      • My roommate in college used to take Kraft Singles and heat them up in the microwave and they turn into these massive cheez its. Its delish.

      • Because of this post, I tried this….good work!! You need to add salsa tho so it does not end up like hot glue when it cools. Thank You!!

    • Agreed. After years of being a vegetarian, it just didn’t work for me. So I only buy meat to cook from my CSA (luckily it’s a big co-op with lots of ethical farmers involved) and try to frequent restaurants who practice this (thanks to the “eat local” movement, lots of options in my city.) But I also get drunk and eat wings sometimes.

      Agree with you EG, I don’t make a big douchey deal about it b/c it’s not always possible.

    • I never take the douchey road and eat what i am given at friends houses. But most of my friends are light meat eaters or if they are inviting me for dinner ask what i’d like (!!!). That one friend usually then does what he wants, but makes sure there is lots of salad / choice. He’s a champion at BBQ, so that’s a factor.

      No one likes a dietary douche. Um, er, oops, Julie?? Sucks to be Julie.

      • Confession time – I used to be a non-meat eater for a loooooong time. Years ago, after a night of drinking too much and smoking too much and laughing too much, I went back to my friend’s house where a bunch of us were getting set to raid the fridge. My friend’s brother was taking some leftover roast out along w/ a bunch of other edibles and asked me if I wanted some. In my drunken-stupor I said, “Ummm. No. Sorry. The only meat I eat comes out of a zipper.”
        I STILL haven’t lived it down.

      • Ugh. Like my time in a bar when I got handed a mug that was all foam, no beer, & I said: “I like head, but not in a glass!”


    • Midget Wrestler Legs, Thundercalves, She Are Drink, Delusions of Bradshaw, Mad Yoga Skillz, Super Saggers & Creepy Daddy Issues

      What’s the point? It’s not like she has anything interesting to say. Or even honest.

      She only showed up here for some specific purpose that she believes beneficial to her, so to perpetuate the shitshow only feeds her monstrous ego.

      Don’t document it, and don’t analyze it.

  21. Congrats Mrs. Melissa! I would love to see how you trained your bride’s cats to walk down the aisle with the groom’s cats! And their darling little cat dresses!

    And I love the idea of a Donk-free week.

  22. All the best, Darling Mrs. Melissa Sue! Hope you enjoyed the festivities.

    And as far as I’m concerned, we could go donkey free for a much longer period – it’s not like people here haven’t enough to talk about 🙂

  23. i made scones this morning and put coconut, pecans, and craisins in them. NOM NOM. cake later or maybe cookies.

    Cat stood on his hind legs and made delicious baked chicken and did something even more amazing than usual with potatoes. Yeah. It’s righteous in this here basement.

    • oh and he just told me he is thinking of making Alfredo tonight & left to get cheese & pasta.

      I eat the shit out of pork and I like cute pictures as much as the next misanthrope.

      • stalker, i love you. you seem like a kindred spirit (i believe you’re an “old” like me….i’m 7 years past my expirty date). guffawed OUT LOUD about the cat standing on his hind legs and making chicken.

  24. Sooooo… since it’s donk-free, can I talk about just finding out that one of my friends is having an affair with one of my other friend’s husband??? And, it’s been going on a YEAR!!!!!!!!!! WTF???
    What would you crazy catpeople do?? I’m leaning towards just sticking my fingers in my ears and going, nananananananananananana, I can’t hear you. Because the skankasaurus didn’t tell me, she told someone else.

    • Go as log as you can w/out saying anything, cuz once you do, you can’t ever undo what got set in motion as a result.

    • I’d want to know. It’s going to be enough of a betrayal when she finds out her husband is fucking her friend. When she finds out that other people know about it, she’s going to feel completely isolated, in addition to being hurt and humiliated. I’ve been there and so wish someone had been kind and brave enough to tell me.

      • Wonkeye, I understand that you’d want to know, we all would. Who wants to be the deceived spouse in this? But it’s the husband’s job to tell his wife (or not). Not the mistresses’, and not the wife’s friends. And if he doesn’t, who knows? It may even work out. He may decide his marriage is worth saving and he’ll try to find a way to make that happen, whether he eventually confesses to his wife or not. It’s impossible to know the whole story. Maybe the wife has her own suspicions, her own plan. Maybe their marriage really sucks and she’ll be relieved to have an easy out. But ultimately, it’s between her and her husband. Sounds like he’s being a major jerk right now, but it’s up to him to deal with it. And it’s up to the wife to figure out how she wants to deal with it when or if she finds out. She can take the bitter victim route and make his life a living hell (if it isn’t already, who knows?), she can can say “good riddance doofus, I’m better off without you”, and walk away with dignity and her head held high (this might take some time, even therapy) or …. she might want to try to restore her marriage even knowing that her husband has had an affair. It’s her choice. And it really is no-one else’s business. At the most, if someone feels compelled to interfere or expose the situation, I’d suggest an anonymous message to the husband, NOT the wife. Along the lines of “We know about this affair. If your wife doesn’t, you’re looking like a major douche here and your wife deserves better.” No threat that you’ll tell her if he doesn’t confess. Just “We know.” But I honestly don’t think getting messed up in someone else’s marriage is helpful to anyone … unless you’re their marriage counsellor. It’s impossible to know what’s really going on. Same goes for the mistress and HER marriage. Quelle mess.

      • I was about to suggest the same thing as IBray. At least then you did something. If that doesn’t work, it would depend on how close you are to your friend. Close, I would say something. Not close, I would shut up.

    • First ask yourself why the “friend” of a “friend” told you this in the first place. Then ask yourself if you even know that it’s true. Next, maybe bring up a broader related issue with your friend: “Do you ever worry that he might cheat on you?”, etc. I don’t know if I’d go right out and drop the bomb because: 1. it seems you might be being manipulated into doing just this for some reason; 2. you don’t know it’s true; and 3. she might perversely be more angry at you for suggesting such a thing than at him for allegedly doing it.

    • Conventional wisdom says stay out of it. Especially regarding the two that are married to each other. If your (mistress) friend brings up the topic you could tell her that you are fond of both her and the wife and don’t want to see either of them hurt, even though you now understand that’s the likely outcome however it plays out. Chances are she hasn’t said anything to you because she knows you are friends with the wife too. She might want to avoid being judged; she might want to spare your feelings or not get you in the middle of it. I’d say stay silent. And that means forever. When the shit hits the fan, telling the wife or your other friend that you knew about it isn’t going to accomplish anything but a bunch more hurt feelings. It sucks to feel like you’re being dishonest by omission but it isn’t your responsibility to be transparent and honest here, the husband & his fling are thw two who are being dishonest, and they’re the ones who are burdened with the responsibility for this, and its consequences, not you. Personally, I would distance myself from the whole lot of them for awhile. It’s their mess, not yours and there is nothing you can do to fix it.

      • This. This is what I meant by sticking my fingers in my ears. Thing is the ‘friend’ (who’s having the affair), has been acting funny towards me for the past year or so. So much so that I actually expressed my concern and wondered if I did something. She swore it was just my imagination and I was obvisouly under stress because of what’s going on w/ the catband’s business. OK. Time goes on but that thing in my gut kept coming up that “I” did something wrong. The wife, whom I adore, I met through the mistress a few years ago. I REALLY like this person, probably moreso than the mistress who introduced us. Thing is, the mistress and the wife were also very good friends. The mistress started working for the wife’s husband and they ‘travel’ a lot. Some of us even joked about it and I have asked her if she thinks something is going on. This was before I knew. The mistress and I had an odd sort of falling out. Not a knockdown, drag-out, but just something that made me walk away and not look back. Our mutual friend happens to be a very good friend of mine. This was revealed to me in not a gossipy way, but rather as an explanation of why we had this ‘falling out’. I’m very fond of the wife. Very. And when I found out, I swore I wouldn’t say a word. Even IF the wife found out, I wouldn’t say. a. word. Yes, the husband is just as guilty however, the mistress has expressed for years that she feels she’s married beneath her, feels like she deserves more, blah, blah, blah. Trust. This man can NOT provide it. So I don’t get it. So yes he’s guilty but I guess because I know the mistress more than the husband, I have no expectations from him. I did have expectations from someone who is supposed to be her ‘friend’. Unwritten rules and all… does that make sense. So yes. I plan on keeping quiet when and if the shit hits the fan and I haven’t told a soul. Except you guys because I’m anonymous (I hope). It’s nice to ‘tell’ someone since I just act like I know nothing.

      • Yep, my vote goes to “stay out of it,” too. Sorry to hear that you have to go through this, DLM, I’m sure it must be very very difficult. It never happened in my social circle, but I’ve wondered what I’d do in this situation. Doubly sorry for your friend, but maybe it’ll all work out without her having to learn about it at all. You can be there for her IF she finds out, but I recommend you don’t push the button.

        One thing that REALLY baffles me in this is that the mistress is, as you say, very good friends with the wife. I’m no saint, but there’s no way in hell I’d feel the slightest temptation regarding any of my friends’ catfriends / catbands. It’s such a shitty thing to do, especially when you’ve been friends for a long time. That, and it has always seemed to me that male cats are so much easier to come by than real friends, and I have yet to meet a man that would be worth the potential loss of a friendship AND the horrible guilt I’d feel if I “stole” him from a good friend. Maybe I’m just lucky in that all of my friends tend to associate with male cats who aren’t “my type” in the slightest, though!

    • DLM, it’s a standard technique of cheaters (and sadly, cheatees, too) to try to deflect/project the problem onto “the witness”. The cheater’s friends (and spouses) are “imagining things”, it’s all in their head etc. It’s a shitty thing to do but they’re already up to their necks in “shitty” so I guess they don’t even think about the damage they’re doing in this respect. And the cheated on? It’s very possible that they aren’t really going to thank you for telling them either. They might (maybe even subconsciously) tar you with the same brush of “deceiver” simply because you knew about it before they did and they might just never really feel comfortable being around you again. And that will be “your fault”. It’s awful. Let them come to you for comfort in the aftermath (or not). Don’t be all up in their marriage with your glaring light of “truth” … maybe they want to live a lie! And if they do, go ahead and judge them if you want, but stay out of it … unless they come to you for advice or a confessional. No-one on the outside really has any business in anyone’s marriage and certainly will probably never know the whole story. Leave it to a paid professional, neutral third party … be it marriage counsellor, lawyer, or priest! Being a friend means being there when needed/invited. No judgement, just support. Sure, if they ask for your advice, be honest, be yourself; that’s why they love you, afterall … but don’t expect them to take it!

    • I wouldn’t consider you a friend if you kept something like this from me. I would always wonder why you didn’t tell me- presuming I found out you knew.

      • Well, if we were friends, you wouldn’t have to wonder, I’d tell you. 1. I didn’t know (or didn’t believe) it was true. 2. If it was true; I thought it was your husband’s job to come clean, not mine to pass on gossip. Etc.
        The thing is, friends get fucked around with here too. You lose if you pass on the gossip; you lose if you don’t. That’s why my best advice is keep your mouth shut forever. Be there for your friend but for your sake and hers, don’t interfere. It seems wrong, I know, but I truly believe it is in the best interest of the (innocent) people who really matter here, DLM and the wife.

      • On the flipside of that, I told a friend that her then-boyfriend was cheating on her with one of my other friends — and some other girls — and she just called me jealous and stopped being my friend. Which is fine, because she gradually became as much of a vain, self-absorbed asshole as he was, then they got married and years later she actually caught him cheating on her and they broke up. She still doesn’t talk to me, but that’s more out of embarrassment.

        So I don’t know. If she is dicks before chicks…

    • If she is telling people and you heard about it second hand … it’s already out there. There’ll be heartache soon, no doubt. Once it’s out there, it’ll get around.

      YOU, though, are under no obligation to share the information, especially because you can’t really confirm the veracity of the rumor.

    • Thanks to all you basement dwellers. Deep down, I too am on the majority side of just keeping my mouth shut. Forever. And I mean like if/when the shit flys I will absolutely never, ever admit I knew anything. It was second-hand info, I believe it, and looking back the past year now makes sense. Yet, there’s that part that says I’d want to know no matter how much it hurt. Blech. I suppose I’ve already picked a side, that being the wife, and that’s where I don’t rest easy. The ‘falling’ out with the mistress and me has kept me a safe distance from the wife and I now see that may be the plan. As soon as the cheating was confirmed, it made sense.
      I hope with all I have that she bores of this guy and she moves on to another victim.

    • one strategy i learned from jwow and snooki would be to leave your friend a note in her bedside table.

      • Yeah, and then who got in a fistfight with Sammi? Not poonhound Ronnie; Jwoww, the one who revealed Ronnie’s poonhoundedness. Never be the bearer of bad news in these situations. If the couple decides to stay together you will be persona non grata for “interfering.” And reviled as a jellis h8r.

        Oh, also, never fall in love on the Jersey Shore, but that should go without saying.

      • Depending on how good a friend we’re talking about, I would want to know too. Although I’m not exactly mad at the friend anymore who didn’t tell me that the guy I was seeing was having a little something on the side at that time, I also will never fully trust him again.

      • No I’m with you guys. I have been that cheated on person where mutual friends knew what was going on, but said nothing to anyone. And it pretty much destroys all those friendships too when you realize that you can’t trust or rely on a single person around you.

      • I see where you all are coming from.

        I think, for me, I don’t have very many people in my life that I count on. People are shady and shitty, and when it comes down to it, I don’t trust them.

        Honestly, if my husband was cheating on me, there are only three people in my life I would trust to tell me: HIM, one of my sisters and one of my friends. That’s it. I don’t even expect that my own mother to tell me.

        There just aren’t many people in my life that I trust to really give things to me straight.

      • Yeah, I’m with you guys. I would be humiliated and upset if I found out my friends knew and didn’t tell me. I’d also feel compelled to tell a friend (assuming it were a good friend and not just an acquaintance) if I knew for an absolute fact that her husband were cheating. But then again, I’ve sort of established myself as the “tough love / difficult truths” friend, which I think makes my friends somewhat afraid, but they also respect me and know that they can count on me because I am always looking out for their best interests, and as a result they are more like that with me. If you’re not close with the woman, it’s probably not worth it, but if you care about the friendship, you may want to speak up.

      • Oh, I get it. Believe me. I’ve too have had boyfriends who got a little somethin’ on the side and people ‘knew’. I’d want to know too. Hence, why this makes my brain twist up and think the world’s gone mad. The mistress *was* the type of friend to the wife where she could be the one to at least lead her on the path to have her investigate. I do not know why mistress has taken up with this woman’s husband. That’s what makes it vile.
        I, on the other hand, am a peripheral friend. I’ve hung out w/ the wife, we call each other every so often, we have mutual friends. Not besties, but I genuinely like this woman. She’s a good soul, honest, salt-of-the-earth AND makes me laugh till I cry.
        Reading all you fabs cats advice and thoughts, evaluating the depth of my friendship w/ the wife, knowing how I ‘heard’ about it and my suspicions all along, I’m not the one to spread a rumor. I believe it’s true and only because I know the mistress, but many of you are right – I don’t *know* it’s true. What I’m going to do is keep my mouth closed no matter what. Period. Even if/when, (and I really believe it will be ‘when’), hits the fan. I will never, ever say I heard the rumor. I think the wife would be in touch w/ me when/if she finds out… I would still NEVER say I *heard* a rumor… ever. It will go with me to my grave because I would never want to hurt her and if I can’t tell her now, then I have no business saying I knew before her. I can’t do that. I will however, be supportive of her anger/betrayal/confusion, etc as to why a *good* friend of hers would do this to both of their famililes.
        If this situation were my sister or one of my friends who I’m thisclose to, I believe it would be different. That situation would really present a HUGE issue for me… for anyone I suppose.
        Thanks catladeez… you’re the best. (of course)
        I’ll give an update when/if this ever explodes.

    • When my exdouche was cheating on me, I later found our some of our friends knew and I felt REALLY betrayed. Like, to the point that it took quite a while for me to forgive them.

      Just sayin’.

  25. Unrelated to Donk: how much does TV commercial work pay? It seems like a pretty sweet gig, and I think some of you intelligent cat ladies know the answer to this.

    • I don’t know how much one-off stuff like SONY commercials or the Citybuzz segments pay, but actual shows like the Bravo pilot would NOT have paid any of the cast members much more than 5k/episode, and that’s assuming it gets picked up, actually performs, an entire season is ordered, etc.

      • i was catlady in chat, i can’t figure out how to use it or where to type at, so i was summarily booted but where are the effin instructions..i’ve never ised a chat before except on fb, color me stupid

  26. Here’s one of the many variations of the quintessential Czech pork dish: roast pork, dumplings and cabbage / sauerkraut. I’m not familiar with the concept of using beer in the process, but then I’m biased because I hate beer in all forms.

    I fully support the idea of a JA-free week and am looking forward to talking about non-toxic stuff with you sad lonely haters.

  27. I’m sure Julia is live-tweeting her suicide attempt now, but I wouldn’t know! Julia, I know you’re reading this, please put the gun down! You’re still tiny and cute, really!

  28. So, catladies, maybe you can offer some advice:

    I have a friend who is similar to Julia. We were very close in college, but in the two years since, I’ve kept her at a distance. So far as I can tell, my friend has all the symptoms of borderline personality disorder. Her sense of self is flimsy at best, and she bases her identity on her relationships with men. At her worst, she’s manipulative, histrionic, clingy, and self-destructive (substance abuse, unprotected sex, etc). Her self-esteem is almost nonexistent, and she compensates by trying to dress and act perfectly. She can also be very charming and considerate, but the crazy always seems to return. Two summers ago, she got so bad that I had to cut off contact entirely.

    She’s doing much better now – she has a boyfriend who seems like a good, stable guy, and she’s off most of the drugs. But I still worry about her, because personality disorders don’t just vanish. I want to encourage her to see a psychiatrist, but I can’t do that without offending her. Should I just give up and hope she sorts herself out?

    • one thing I’ve done that works is to lavishly praise and extol how much my therapist does for me. I also drop hints that they are affordable and totally worth the cost both. Sometimes just the stigma alone keeps people who know it most helpful to them can stop them

    • People seek help when things are bad, not when things seem to be going (relatively) well. This is especially true of people with personality disorders, for whom their own culpability is never thought of as a possibility. Why seek therapy if everyone else is the problem?

      Also, and I say this as someone who is still learning this: It’s not your job to fix anyone. If she comes to you and marvels at how together you are and asks if you have any suggestions for her, that’s one thing. But it’s so draining to live in hope like that.

      Good luck!

    • Honestly, in my experience, both in real life and as advised by my therapist about the people in my life with personality disorders, people who have them RARELY seek help. All of them have sought help regarding something that wasn’t really the problem, something that wasn’t about them. Since they don’t think anything is wrong with them, they’re not going to be apt to go to the therapist to analyze THEMSELVES.

      • Okay, that really didn’t make sense. But basically since they don’t think anything is wrong with them, they’re not going to go to therapy. If they do go to therapy, it’s to talk about how people have called them out or loss of those people in their life but not because they’re the source of the problem (if that makes sense).

    • i think you should maybe mention how much your therapist has helped you, and then maybe if she asks you about it, say something about how she seems to have low self esteem (thats sort of a compliment, right?) and a therapist could help. i feel like its something that a person who is knowingly self destructive might want to know about or be open to, especially if its completely messing up her relationships. i feel like it must be a pretty lonely existence for the julia allisons of the world, and if they can get help and are open to it, it could really change someones life. i feel like julia is desperately in denial and knows shes messed up, but doesnt know how to fix it. thats whats kind of depressing about the whole thing. if someone could sit her down and gently suggest she suffers from narcissism/borderline personality disorder, her life would be greatly improved. so you could really help this girl out. its the same for like the lindsay lohan britney spearses of the world- if only someone close to them would try to find them help, i feel like alot of tragedy could be averted. because in the end i truly believe theyre all sweet girls, just deeply, incredibly, beyond fucked up. good luck though- its a really brave thing of you to do.

      • Sorry, but those trying to help self-destructive individuals usually just cushion them from the rock bottom that might make them seek help. These people are in denial – look at Linsday Lohan continuing to deny she’s an addict – and the only thing that gets them out of it is suffering the consequences of their actions. Even that is often not enough.

        jpa above is exactly right.

      • I wouldn’t blanket everyone in the same way. Often – like La Lohan – her enablers around her also are feeding her problems and denial. Having someone else, especially someone who seems to have his/her shit together, who extols the virtues of therapy can be a bridge to the person who might otherwise think they don’t need it.

      • I agree with Jackie on this. There is no afterschool-special resolution for a lot of people with personality disorders, because personality disorders aren’t black and white. There’s no pill to take, no 12 step program to stop being an asshole. Personality disorders in general (borderline in particular) are viewed skeptically in the social work/medical community because they are often a catchall label to apply to someone who presents “difficult” behavior. There’s a reason almost all borderline diagnoses are in women–because the “symptoms” it presents basically describe the stereotype of a “difficult woman.” Borderline personality disorder is a heavily gendered and problematic entry in the DSM.

        That said, I don’t believe it’s Julie’s/your friend’s fault that they’re totally batshit crazy assholes–just that giving them a diagnosis will not help them see the light.

        Your friend could benefit from therapy, but who knows? I had a friend like this, and she hit rock bottom right when we became roommates (for a blessedly brief six months). She had an insane sleep schedule, laid in bed all day, went out and got stoned/did coke at night, and inevitably brought home some random nasty dude (despite having a very loving boyfriend). She never attempted to shield her behavior, but sometimes she would act remorseful, and we would have really long heart-to-hearts about what she could do to get her life back on track, and then the next day it would be like it never happened.

        Short version: Move on. She’ll improve her life when she’s ready.

      • tl; don’t read

        Addicts and self-destructive people are very defensive about their behavior. My flatmate of the past 1.5 years (we had about a dozen mutual colleagues, but we were never friends) moved in and quickly descended into some straight-up active addiction. I have some personal experience in this, which I made clear before she moved in, telling her that I didn’t mind if she drank but to be aware that I don’t. She misrepresented her habits and it turned out she was drinking at least a bottle of wine every night and combining it with sleeping pills. (She started a fire one night in her sleep. Thx, Ambien.)

        I never said a word to her about her using, because I knew that a) she’s be extremely defensive, b) it wouldn’t do any good. She repeatedly lamented her messed up life to me, and marveled at whatever it was she saw I’d done in my life, so I gave her my shrink’s number. She never used it. Thankfully, she moved out a few weekends ago (to be near the married man she’s “engaged” to).

        My point: Even people who claim they know their lives are trashed will not change as long as they’ve got it just good enough to remain the same. Money in the bank, clothes on their back, a home, enabling friends…if they want help, they will seek it out of desperation.

        For sure, be there if someone reaches out. But I do believe that if someone isn’t ready, you can’t say the right thing; if they’re ready, you can’t say the wrong thing. Either way, the onus is on them.

      • Agreed Jackie. Even if they do reach out, frequently it’s I’m in this horrible situation because xyz (all things which are not their fault) If a person has no self awareness or willingness to change their behavior, there’s no way they would benefit from therapy. Honestly, the percentage of people w/personality disorders who seek help are a) very very small and b) of that small percentage, very few actually are helped.

      • My former flatmate liked to tell me, “I know I drink too much* but it’s because I have to deal with frustrating people.” As if anyone can opt-out of dealing with frustrating people.

        These people also thrive on sympathy, so you can bet that if they come crying, it’ll be so they’ll get a pass on something then or later. My former flatmate (an heiress) cried poverty to me in the beginning, what with the costs of administering her father’s estate, so I waived the $60/month pet fee for her cat. She thanked me by ruining a leather chair and trying to stiff me on her rent due. Lesson learned…again!

        *Disclaimer: I don’t think quantity or frequency matters – lots of people drink a crapload every night and it doesn’t hurt their lives.

  29. (I think I posted this in the wrong place the first time.)

    Sklar and Donkey were apparently both in the StartUp School chatroom (tonight’s online event where Mark Zuckerberg was one of the speakers) and Sklar tweeted this to Donkey: “You’re so active in the chatroom!!!”

    HaHa! In other other words, STFU Julia!!! I’m sure no one in that chatroom got a word in edgewise with Donkey’s non-stop braying about her best friend, Mark Zuckerberg, and just generally taking over the entire chatroom conversation. I sometimes wonder how even her own parents can stand her.

    • This is especially odd because, during Chatgate 1, she pretended that she’d basically never been in a chatroom before and didn’t know how to make sense of all of the “noise.” Looks like that was total BS. Not surprising.

      • I think the only surprising thing about Julia is when she DOESN’T lie. She’s not bothered in the least by her own hideously defective character. Call her a lying, scheming, conniving, nasty piece of garbage, and she *literally* doesn’t care. The only thing that gets under her skin are negative comments about her looks.

  30. I think I was ready for a Donk-free existence. It just seems like time for a time out. She is so sad and boring lately, I sorta hated myself for even looking.

    • Honestly, I do too. I’ve been considering lately cutting back on the blog or maybe stop writing about her all together. It’s rinse and repeat with Donk’s and her multi-city life, surfing from couch to couch and traveling cross-country on a husband hunt is really just sad and pathetic. This break for me is only a week, but I may consider doing it longer.

      • I agree with all of this. Honestly, Julia’s life has gotten so meaningless that making fun of her feels like kicking a puppy.

    • We should do a blog swap, so we’ve got intersting places to visit in place of Miss Albertson’s Virtual Shoppe of Horizontal Horrors. I like the one’s mentioned above.

      • I was considering highlighting blogs I actually like. Another idea was to sort of take each of NonSociety’s beats and do them better since they are are such horrible writers and my watercress experience is not limited.

      • @juliaspublicist

        This is a GREAT idea.

        Honestly, I’m tired of enabling Julie’s raging case of NPD. Let’s close RBNS down, but keep the community going. It could be our take on NS, except with funny, smart, cool people.

      • @ jp – Seriously great idea, redoing nonsociety. Like Dr. Gary said, JA feeds off of any response, and she’s done anyway. She lives at home, she’s got nothing going on, and the only thing she’s got in her life is this site, which undoubtedly proves in her warped mind that she’s still relevant. I only really visit this site for your and Jacy’s writing and some of the comments. Apply it to something else and I’d still be interested.

      • @JP There is so much content out there without Foolia on NonSociety. That would leave the integrity of “ReBlogging NonSociety” title of this site and keep our brilliant commentators together.

      • @cara

        I agree with you. The strengths of this site is the writing by juliaspublicist & jacy, plus the community. The dead weight: Julia herself. I love the idea of shifting our collective attention to something worthwhile. No need to beat a dead donkey…

  31. i wonder how far NS’s page hits would drop if us RBNSers didnt visit at all for a week. i know i’m guilty of the ocassional visit, just to click over and see something for some LULZ. somehow, it’s funnier to see julia (and emily and katrina) in their “native habitat” and see how g-d stupid they are.

    i bet if none of us went there for a week, quantcast would show a steep decline in page views–maybe more than 50%+ of their page views

  32. Totz rand (not really, though) – friend is doing a football Sunday pork tenderloin recipe from this book I believe – Looked AMAZING, he may work in some sort of injection. So if anyone is interested, might be cool! I’m not a huuuuuge pork fan but I try everything. Saw RED last night too – loved it and the cast was/is awesome. Helen Mirren with a machine gun ummmmm cue inappropriate fapfapfap.

    • I went to see Red just for Helen Mirren and that shit totally delivered! The plot barely made sense, but who cares? I was just pissed it took a good hour to introduce her.

    • I’m kinda glad that I’m blocked! and I’m only a type ‘b’ hater….so that goes to show you. Can someone post those numbers from Armenia? I think it’s awesome that she has so many serious FU-money followers in the Caucasus region.
      Hi Julie! you are so transparent. Have a great day! xx

  33. Her cray cray is on full blast because of our silence. She is the worst version of herself right now and it is AWESOME.

      • Honestly. The needle on the desperation meter just hit “epic”.

        Personally, I’d love to see RBNS go zap! without a word of explanation or notice. Except secretly in the background, we regroup the commenters elsewhere in a JABa-free zone.
        If that is possible, sign me up! I hate being part of what is possibly her only remaining gasp and sad claim to internet relevance.
        But I love the community here. Dilemma!

  34. Tots OT non-JA:

    Does anyone know of any non-profit/Association type conferences? Conferences where execs of 501c3’s and 6’s etc would attend – we would like to exhibit at some of them but have no idea where to find them; I’m sure they exist. The only one i know if is Craiglist Bootcamp but that’s more geared for starting up and fundraising at the young stages. Looking for more mature organizational conferences.

    • It kind of depends what aspect of the industry you’re interested in, as non-profits run the gamut from arts and cultural organizations, to advocacy groups, to public service agencies, etc.

      If you are trying to tap into a wide range of non-profits (and especially if you are focused on some aspect of fundraising), the annual AFP conference is the biggie.

      I also seem to remember that the BoardSource annual conference is coming up later this year. It focuses on governance and tends to attract senior-level decision makers.

      I would suggest looking at regional and vertical-focused events as well, since they tend to be smaller and less chaotic.

      I’d be very interested in knowing more about your product – could probably give much better advice if I knew a little more. Understand if you can’t say anything more, though.

      • TY! Very servicey.
        Not fundraising, but everything software, mainly CMS systems. We’ve been getting invited to bid on so many RFP requests from non-profits lately for re-doing their sites into a CMS that we thought we might follow the money trail….

      • Interesting. Yeah, the Craig’s List conference is going to be way too early stage for you – none of them will have any money.

        The American Marketing Association (AMA) has a decent number of nonprofit-focused events. You just missed their big annual conference, but they do lots of regional things. If you can get to Pittsburgh on Tuesday, they have having a cause branding summit…

      • Ugh – I just posted a follow-up but it had links, so WordPress ate it.

        Go look at the American Marketing Association (AMA) website under events. You just missed their big annual nonprofit marketing conference, but they have lots of other nonprofit industry stuff throughout the year. That would probably be your best audience.

    • This is not executive directors, but I would recommend the Association of Fundraising Professionals conference, to reach the development executives. They have a lot of power in nonprofits because they bring in the money.

      • TY JP
        Been noodling on some ideas & marketing to help them too because I get all warm and catlitter-y squishy inside working with non profits (not nonsocieties)

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