Julia Allison is Horrific

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Jesus, Donks is boring right now. I could not care less that Julia Allison, calamity, insane, is racking up frequent flyer miles in Husband Hunt 2010, where she criss-crosses the country as the trouba-whore she is.

So let’s look ahead to what is no doubt the craziest time of year in Donkey Land: Halloween. She has already frantically tweeted requests for costume ideas. I’d say let’s give her suggestions, but no matter what slutty costume she puts on, people will only think that she’s going as an over the hill prostitute whore. So let’s take a different approach to celebrating gay Christmas.

Yes, it’s reader interactivity time! All through the month of October, I’ll be posting horror movie posters inspired by Julia Allison. Feel free to submit yours. I’ll be highlighting the best ones periodically between now and Halloween. Here is my first creation:

93 COMMENTS

  1. hahaha I love this poster so so much!!!!! so blessed!!!!

    ps – does anyone still get dressed at this age for halloween? I am 28 in 2 months & the last I wore a costume, I was 24-25

    • I usually dress up a BIT for the trick or treaters. Usually, I just wear a witch’s hat, but I have a giant pair of footie pajamas that I wear some years. With pig tails and a teddy bear, it’s kind of cute.

      • Oh, excuse Missy Melissy, what you do with costume when done wearing it? Especially any…uh…delicate things? Heh heh? Many Japanese men would want to know.

        Thanking you,
        Sam Suzuki

      • One year, I wore my authenticity costume: no makeup and sweat pants.

        It’s also known as “Melissa worked late, forgot it was Halloween, and this is what I happened to throw on.”

    • Um, yes, the only party i EVER go to anymore is my BIL’s party which I pretty much start planning for every November 1. I looooooooooove halloween.

    • I’m 25, I still dress up if the opportunity arises. Last year we did a fancy mask party. Everyone was instructed to wear their finest clothes and whatever mask they wanted. That was a huge load of fun and super easy.

      • That’s an awesome idea. Where I currently live they throw costume parties all the time. It’s expensive and a pain in the ass. I like wearing a suit and mask, easy, but still festive.

    • we are boring olds who love to decorate the house, watch scary movies & pass out candy. no joke. every time the doorbell rings, we jump up and run to the door. then we completely embarrass ourselves by ‘oohing’ and ‘aahing’ over the kid’s costumes.

    • No, and I never have, because this is CONTINENTAL EUROPE.

      BUT! Believe it or not, bunnies, there is a pretty recent picture of me dressed quite a LOT like the mythical creature known as Donkey Baugher. Pleated checked miniskirt – check. Bright pink cardigan – check. Hooker boots – check. As this thing you call Halloween approaches, and if I get drunk enough, I might post the incriminating evidence sometime.

      • Originally, I just wanted to go with “Europe,” or, more like, “EUROPE,” but then I realized thay do recognize Halloween in the UK.

        Don’t get me wrong, there have been tendencies to make Czechs convert to Halloween over the past 10 years or so, but the whole thing gives off a distinctly “foreign” and “commercial” vibe here, much like Valentine’s Day. Well, to anyone who is, say, older than 25, anyway.

      • well, don’t force it, let it unfold!!!

        Do you have a holiday where people dress up and act crazy/greedy/slutty ?

      • Hmm, I can think of holidays involving a) greedy or b) slutty, but not of one that would combine the two. Crazy is a frequent factor in (for example) most holidays.

      • Oh come on now., everywhere has a holiday where people dress up and act crazy/greedy/slutty, it’s called Saturday Night.

      • Yay SD! You validate my womanhood! But realize, for my internet fans, we’re going to have to take dozens of pictures where I do kissy face and your face is replaced with a giant hot pink smiley from hell because I’m respectful of your privacy like that.

        Thanks for the flattering comments, but honestly, it’s not that hard to look non-horrific in the context of most pics that get posted here. Basically, as long as you aren’t wearing pelts and a tutu and you’re lucky enough to have humanly shaped legs, you’re good.

        I confess I do have love for those boots, but I’ve only worn them in public two or three times in total. Here’s a better pic, in the unlikely case anyone really cares:
        http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e200/olovo/vita/Obraz120.jpg

    • Donkey won’t be dressing up for Halloween this year, like you commoners. She will go to a “fancy dress party”. Possibly in a frock from the shoppe.

  2. This poster is a work of true genius. Maybe B-movie scream queen is her best bet right now.

    Also, any Halloween fan worth their salt has their costume idea planned either November 1st or months in advance. This year I’m dressing up as my cat (yes I am. Totally serious).

    • I had a hard time this year thinking of what to be and settled on gangster-robot (pin-striped jacket, computer chip glued to my neck, etc). I am not sure why I had so much difficulty.

      Going as your cat sounds RAD, baby! I presume your cat is distinctive in some way?

      • Well he was a feral kitten before I scooped him up and took him home, and his tendencies come out at times. So I’m going as a feral cat, all black spandex, fur accents, crazy hair, maybe some ripped up leggings and punky accessories. Huge ears. Oh and dead animal in my mouth. My cat told me he wants to be a bat so I have to make a wee pair of batwings for him (god I’m such a loser but this is so fun for me).

      • I think that sounds super awesome 🙂 Although the dead animal in your mouth might interfere with yer liquor consumption.

      • “I had a hard time this year thinking of what to be and settled on gangster-robot (pin-striped jacket, computer chip glued to my neck, etc). I am not sure why I had so much difficulty.”

        I approve this idea intensely.

  3. OT – just saw Julia’s upcoming travel schedule. All I can say is:

    Let It Impose

    (did someone already coin that one?)

  4. It really is time for an RBNS store, if this work of fauxtoshoppe genius was a postcard or poster I would buy it. I mean I would get someone to buy it for me, or ask for one for free.

    • Whew! I almost believed you were willing to pay for it with your own money, NYNY! Shoppin’ in a Donk-themed store, payin’ for stuff: ur doin it wrong.

  5. most pathetic tweet ever?

    Less friends is the new more friends.
    8 minutes ago via web

    I almost created a twitter account simply to comment on that. . .oh honey no, that’s only something friendless people say.

  6. Also, the meeting she is going to dressed like an 80’s Barbie has been demoted from “a very important meeting” to “an important meeting.” But why?

  7. Why are we using such old photos of donk?? Did I miss something? She looks NOTHING like that photo in real life. Just askin.

    • Just works better with the concept – the pose, the expression!

      I’m sure recent pictures will later be used to equally amusing affect. (effect? I have a fever, don’t judge me!)

  8. In case you were wondering, NICK DENTON talks to Donkey! And he wants her to just have some fun and relax!

    Nick Denton (@NickNotNed) just told me to “Stop and live a little!” Exclamation point his, not mine. Currently paralyzed by shock/confusion. 26 minutes ago via web

    • it sounds less like Nick “talks to her” than Nick giving her advice on how to stop being a crazy, braying lunatic.

      instead of traveling and couch surfing and husband-hunting, he’s saying to stop acting out and start living. stop pretending and start thinking.

      if someone in my life was acting like julia, i’d say the same thing–live up to your failure and move on. go home, have some pancakes with granny (and DONT tweet it), talk to your parents (but DONT keep up your false front), and start thinking about what you can really do with your life so you can do something with it. stop wasting your life!!! duh, julia.

    • Translation: Your travel schedule? Sorry Julia, I don’t really see an angle there. You had pictures taken with the FaceBook founders? Uh huh, yes we did get your emails about that … in 2009 I believe it was, or was it 2008? How time flies. Listen, why don’t you give it a rest for awhile, Julia. Stop and live a little! And please don’t call me again today. Toodle-oo.

    • I also like “Exclamation point his, not mine.” Make no mistake, he just gets so EXCITED over her, yo!

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