Julie Albertson Is A Riddle Wrapped in a Mystery Inside an Enigma — And Also, Schizo

So Lilly has mysteriously returned. With no explanation. Just a photo of Donkey almost strangling the poor thing, who looks as though she’s trying to silently mouth “HELP ME,” but no details on when, where, how, who, what the hell has been going on with “Marshmallow” and who the fuck has her??

Also, this ridiculous boo-hoo-fest:

Going through Fashion Week photos to find some that are fit for publication … and I can’t stop wondering when this whole “peace with one’s appearance” thing starts.  Because I’m certainly not happy with mine, and I’m frustrated with my feelings about it.  I’m tired of feeling insecure, tired of feeling “not quite …” enough. Not quite pretty enough, not quite thin enough, not quite _[fill in the blank]_ enough.

My college roommate called me up the other day, and commented that she thought I had lost weight, per some of my most recent photos.  And I laughed, because I felt like a fraud.  Maybe I’ve lost three or four pounds, I don’t know. I don’t really weigh myself.  But I also take dozens and dozens of photos – and I post only a handful, maybe less.  Plus, I’m wearing makeup, hair extensions, six-inch heels which elongate my legs, on which I’ve smeared bronzer.  I have on expensive jewelry, a borrowed designer dress and – probably – a push-up bra.  I’m standing at the most flattering angle and I’ve probably fiddled with the exposure on the camera so the flash blows out any other flaws.  If I knew how to photoshop, I’d probably do that too. In other words: IT’S NOT REAL.

I just point this out because … I don’t know why.  I suppose it makes me feel slightly guilty, all these carefully curated photos.  Are they me?  I don’t know.  Sometimes I wish we lived in a world without cameras.  (Yes, I realize the irony of me saying that.)  It might eliminate the whole “self-scrutiny” problem.  Probably.  😉


Yeah, dumbass, here’s a tip: Stop posting bullshit, faux-to shoot pictures of your fucking self to the Internet day after day after day. And oh my goodness, that was a good laugh, that insistence that you don’t know how to Photoshop. OK, Julie.

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138 Responses to Julie Albertson Is A Riddle Wrapped in a Mystery Inside an Enigma — And Also, Schizo

  1. Feria says:

    If only Julia could see that acceptance comes from w/in. A photo has nothing do to w/ one’s self-worth. Also, she, like many of us, might be better off focusing on something more ephemeral than looks.

    I suspect that she would take the Dorian Gray route if she could.

    • sympathetic says:

      she sounds like she may be getting there. I hope so. I have to say that this year’s fashionweek was better than last year for her. I see improvement

    • Katrina's Groundbreaking Thesis says:

      Yes. Acceptance of yourself and your body comes when you choose it.

      I have never been one of the prettiest girls or one of those who attract a lot of attention, but you know what? The minute I decided to stop worrying about that and just relaxed, I also started to get a lot of compliments. Even now, as in just a few days ago, I was on a date, and this (by the way, incredibly sexy) catman tells me how attractive he thinks I am. For a split second, I think, oh come on. I am so not the prettiest girl in this room. But instead, I realized, I was having an awesome time, laughing and feeling really comfortable, and hell yes, I probably was looking attractive to him. Beauty comes in millions of packages, not just the OMG tiny, cute, perfect skin, chicklet teeth one.

      • Mini Driver says:

        W00T W00T! I loved this comment, and your catman sounds like a winner. Wear a Herve Leger dress until you get a collar!

  2. Undeniably Average, Surgically Enhanced, Totally Worse for Wear says:

    Ugh, another moron using ‘curated’ incorrectly. Julie, you EDITED your photos. Curation deals with organizing actual intellectual and aesthetic content / formal relationships either in a historical or contemporary context. Your Barbie get-ups do not equal intellectual or aesthetic anything!

    • nosrsly says:

      Meh, her word choice usually drives me up the wall, but the way she used curate here sounds okay to me. She carefully selected and presented the photos to convey a certain aesthetic idea – “curate” describes that just fine.

      I’m sure that’s just dumb luck though. Use enough SAT words that you don’t fully understand, and eventually you’re bound to get one right.

      • Undeniably Average, Surgically Enhanced, Totally Worse for Wear says:

        Actually, curation is organize images, objects, content, etc., to create greater meaning beyond that which is contained in the single unit. Selecting the photos of yourself where you look the thinnest and putting them on your tumblr, sorry, business, isn’t curating.

      • nosrsly says:

        Not in the literal sense, no, but it’s got the right connotation.

  3. Bepelted Barnyard Animal with NPD says:

    FIRST!

    She’s kind of honest, because although she *uses* Photoshop, she’s not very *good* at it because it’s always obvious. So, ya, she really doesn’t know how to use Photoshop.

    Legalese, bunnies!!!

      • Bepelted Barnyard Animal with NPD says:

        Sorry, I love the “FIRST!!!!” thing in an ironic way. Especially when someone else posts a comment and I end up being 3rd or 5th or whatnot. FIRST!! reminds me of the internet circa 2000.

      • Jacy says:

        I know, I love it too, very Perez Hilton circa 2005. I always laugh when I see it.

      • Bepelted Barnyard Animal with NPD says:

        oh ya, i haven’t read perez in a while. d-listed is so much funnier and tmz gets original documents, which i find interesting as a lawyer. perez just seems to want attention for himself, whereas other sites feature a unique viewpoint or writing style (WWTDD is funny too)

  4. Whamspackle glam says:

    Jacy, I think you are just being mean. JP is funny, and I crack up reading his posts.

  5. fuck camping! says:

    so i guess julie didn’t make it to MIT today to see her BFF david karp at EmTech. sad.com 🙁

    • Yes, I was wondering if her invitation to attend as a journalist was rescinded. On another note: That lego dude needs to cut it the fuck out. If he is going to act all creepy on twitter he needs to stop linking back to this blog.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        Poor @jason_pontin got quite the smack down on Twitter yesterday. Wouldn’t be surprised if he decided/was pressured to rescind.

      • bitchface says:

        jason can take care of himself…. he didn’t rescind (I asked) but he doesn’t give a shit about any of it

      • Jack the Bulldog says:

        Of course Cue Ball wouldn’t rescind his invite to the harmless girl–his words–who just wants to be loved. Why else take all those fauxtos and then scream to the heavens that no one understands her and is it all worth it?! Come to think of it, our donkey does sound rather like a teenage girl.

  6. flotsam says:

    Maybe you felt like a fraud….because you’re a fraud?

  7. Ah, beat me to it, so I’ll add my commentary here: And just like that an entire thesis is blown. Donkey ruins EVERYTHING!

    • Jacy says:

      I know! Why would she post that today, of all days.

      It’s basically an “I ASK FOR IT!!” post.

      • Undeniably Average, Surgically Enhanced, Totally Worse for Wear says:

        1) She is not very smart;

        2) The word subtle is entirely foreign to her vocabulary (it’s not an SAT word);

        3) She’s been doing nothing but reading here all day, so it felt timely? Even though, um, it just makes her look ridiculous and phoney and probably embarrassing to the Dr who wrote about her…

        But hey! That’s our Julie then, isn’t it.

  8. IamLA says:

    “Sometimes I wish we lived in a world without cameras.”

    See you guys, she HAS to stage all those photoshoots, because cameras exist. It’s not her fault. She’s a victim of the military-industrial photography complex.

    And stop blaming her for other things she can’t control, like the fake hair she glues to her scalp. It’s not her fault that exists either. Don’t you see what a battered woman she is?!

  9. mcakez says:

    I’ve said it before, and I will say it again:

    Julie, we don’t hate you because you’re ugly; you’re ugly because we hate you.

    Conversely, in a complete experience of self-gratification in the Greek tragedy catharsis way (that is to say, “purged on pity and terror”):

    We don’t hate you because you’re beautiful; you’re beautiful because we hate you.

    All of which is appropriate because she defines herself not on the quality of her being, but on how it is perceived by others.

  10. But I’ll give her some advice. You know how one finds peace about their appearence? They go to bed early, quit wolfing down all the carbs and get on a fucking treadmill, you ugly busted up beast!

    • Dr. Gary says:

      LOL!

    • tots mcgots says:

      hahaah ah jp you kill me. always.

    • Jacy says:

      Hey! That’s mean!

      Here’s another bit o’ advice to go along with yours — stop bitching about your Donk-misery and change your behavior. You don’t like being critiqued, then stop Tweeting your every breakdown. Don’t like the way you look in photos, then STOP POSING FOR PHOTOS all your life!

      Jesus, it’s not that difficult!

  11. bitchface says:

    oh my. how vain, shallow and full of one’s self can one person be?

    PS she’s going to effing lose it when she’s post expiration date isn’t she….

  12. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    And yet, just a few hours earlier she posted this:

    “One of my life goals: to somehow attain legs like Tamara Mellon’s.

    DAMN.”

    • wonkeye says:

      The only way she’ll Tamara Mellon’s legs is if she hacks them off the woman and pins them to her “Secret” board, next to Jordache’s tiara.

      And for all the people who think this latest navel gaze shows real progress on the self-awareness front—stick around. This shit is like clockwork.

  13. AnnaPelt Is Happy at 183 says:

    Huh. I think she looks really cute — and ten years younger — in this pic, with her glasses on, hair up, no makeup, etc.

    • bitchface says:

      Is that Julia? really? she looks like Sammi Sweetheart.

      • Bepelted Barnyard Animal with NPD says:

        ouch, you’re mean (to sammi sweetheart). sammi is a lot younger and actually like does stuff (tv show, played varsity soccer in college, actually dates boys)

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Agree. She looks much better without the kabuki mask and teen pageant outfits.

  14. Scooby Don't says:

    Another bitch and moan session about how empty and horrible her life is.
    A life she created for herself.
    Don’t like the life you’re living then stop, Julia. Stop with the photoshoots, the maniac twitters and the freakshow of an online performance. Unplug.
    But you can’t and you won’t. Because this is all you have. And no matter how ‘horrible’ you might claim this life to be, you have nothing else to fall back on.
    And so the sadly sparkled, pathetically pink JAB three ring circus train of sadness will pull up stakes and chug off into the night surrounded by a faint whiff of extinguished dreams, Blueprint Cleanse and flopsweat, heading for its next tawdry grasp at fame.
    All aboard … next stop Wilmette.

  15. Grawr says:

    Hi Jules! *waves*

    6 inch heels do NOT elongate your legs, hun. They just make your legs look more bowed and weird.

    That picture of you with glass, hair pulled back, and minimal make up is way cuter.

  16. Weekend at Lily's says:

    Ah yes, if only there were no cameras no one would know what they looked like. Self reflection, both physical and emotional, would be obsolete. But unforch cameras and makeup and plastic hair like totally do exist and so we all must take hundreds of photos of ourselves, post the best online, and brace for any negative feedback despite that be our good side and most slimming angle. The doctors, lawyers, and world leaders are lucky these ‘cameras’ have not yet been brought to their villages and they are still free to pursue a life of substance.

  17. Weekend at Lily's says:

    And come on Julsey, I realize you probably don’t read the paper but put a date stamped carton of today’s BPC shipment next to Lily or I’m not buying it.

  18. Julia's Too Small Tutu says:

    Julia typed this whole thing and still doesn’t know where peace with one’s appearance comes from? She just wrote a fairly good treatise on a few things that are wrong with her life (the ridiculous contortions to look thin, the fake looking pelts, the need to post endless pictures of herself) and she can’t even see them staring back at her.

    Sad.com

  19. jpa says:

    Wow, this is like clockwork. How many of these have we read, in context to whatever her “haters” are saying. Anyone recall the this is what 138 looks like. Same thing, slightly different criticism.

  20. J says:

    Eh. I liked this. I mean she’s owning up to the insanity and at least putting it out there. Also, who doesn’t do this to some extent? I sent her a positive email and she promptly wrote back. I’m not saying I’m a fan but…CREDIT WHERE IT’S DUE, HATERZ.

    • Eh, she is bitching about have to dress up like this and take pictures of herself as if someone were holding a gun to her head. It’s false modesty and she is looking for pity.

      • New Year New You says:

        This. Please, “I hate the way I look so much I post pictures of myself in swimwear. Here’s another close up at my face. I’m so insecure about how I look I want to be filmed all the time.” Bidge, shut it.

        When I’m not happy with my appearance I put on my most stained tracksuit and lock the door to the basement.

        What she means is that after Fashion Week she’s yet again realized she is not the prettiest or the hottest, and that she needs to get more cosmetic work done. How can she “make peace with her appearance”? There’s nothing real of her left.

      • Stalker is the new Empurpled Pity Polyp ♪ ♫ says:

        yes. When I’m not happy about the way I look I get my ass to the gym. Always helps. Works 100% of the time. Everyone is skinnier & prettier at the gym, trufax.

    • flotsam says:

      When you’re a fraud, you’re a fraud all the way
      From your tit-popping-est pose to your last sniveled bray.

  21. Scooby Don't says:

    She only gets credit when she makes a positive lasting change.
    This is the umpteenth time she’s published a variation of the “Woe is me” email. The video late night confessions were the best.
    These musings are always followed by posts from people like yourself, saying that this time it’s different. This time she sounds so sincere, so sad, so forlorn. She must be coming to a change,a realization.
    And still she hasn’t.
    Actions speak louder than words in my book. And drivel tapped out on a Macbook by Julia is just ‘WAWAWAWAWA’ like the adults in the old Charlie Brown cartoons.
    This is Donkey crying wolf, yet again.

    • J says:

      Yeah. I get it. But I guess that’s why I found it less nauseating. Making a meaningless vow to change is irritating. I didn’t see her doing that here. She’s just stating what she does and acknowledging how shitty it feels to be that person.

      • JuLIAR Allison says:

        She’s been doing that for years. It’s always the same. “Wah, poor me”. But nothing ever comes of it. It’s like she’s *just* self-aware enough to see why she’s feeling shitty. But she doesn’t want to do anything about it. Society needs to change, not Julia.

      • Jacy says:

        You are a kind-hearted person, but I am pretty sure that within days she will do something spectacularly asshole-ish and you will feel bad for buying into her latest pity party.

        I think the “e-mail to the one who got away’s girlfriend” episode followed one of these pity parties.

        The pattern is generally one of depression, then losing a pound or eating sugar or consuming Adderrall (or, in this case, having a fashion designer call you a “beauty,”) followed by days of manic “I LOVE ME AND I AM SO HOT AND FAMOUS AND BUSY” behavior, then being rejected in some undisclosed way by either a “boy” or a potential employment opportunity, which leads to a new depression because “GODDAMMIT I WAS FEELING HOT AND PEOPLE LOVE ME WHY DON’T YOU??” which then causes her to turn to her only friends, strangers on the Internet, to seek validation, as in “I DON’T FEEL SO PRETTY NOW PLEASE TELL ME I’M PRETTY!!” and when she doesn’t get enough of that online, she will do something crazy related to an ex or an ex’s new girlfriend because “GODDAMMIT IF I’M GOING TO SUFFER SOMEONE ELSE WILL SUFFER TOO,” which is generally followed by a haughty, unapologetic streak of arrogance, more sugar and/or Adderall or attention from a man, and the pattern starts all over again.

        Lather, rinse, repeat.

    • JuLIAR Allison says:

      Preach it.

      She always seems to be on the cusp of reaching her (as Oprah would call it) Aha! moment. But then her laziness pulls her back to her selfish, self-indulgent ways. It would take too much effort for her to turn her life around, so she remains, and ever will remain, a DONKEY!

    • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

      Ever since chat-gate, I’ve come to the conclusion that nothing she says has any soul or feeling. She’s just copying/pasting what gets said here and adds a few SAT words, some adverbs, and tries to spin something that sounds like she has a soul.
      Forked. Tongue.

  22. HaHaHa says:

    I thought she was wearing extensions in her NY Nonstop videos. She needs to chill out on her insecurity. If she were ugly, she wouldn’t be hosting Fashion Week videos.

  23. JuLIAR Allison says:

    Sigh. This is all a reaction to the Dr of Donkology post.
    Are we her only readers?

  24. It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

    Fit for publication WHERE, Donkey? You putting together a Look Book? Cuz Max says ‘you’re pretty’ to EVERYONE wearing his dresses…

    DON’T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY!

  25. zandra says:

    It makes me sad to think someone this age still hasn’t accepted their body. I’ve heard women saying they feel much more at peace with their appearance in their 30s than they did in their 20s.. sounds like Julia will always hate herself.

    *Confession: I liked that floral dress she wore at FW.

  26. Failure To Staunch says:

    A “handful” of pics? I knew she had large hands but they must be Shrek-sized.

  27. IndianaState says:

    People, not only can you buy the ineffably infamous zenith of Julia Allison’s life (aka an old Wired Magazine with her on the cover) on eBay, but this exists:

    http://cgi.ebay.com/Julia-Allison-4×6-Color-Photo-Set-/260645030751?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3cafa78b5f

    How fuck? Who could possibly be buying these?

  28. BunnyBingo says:

    Authenticity Costume…

  29. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    The underlying thought here is that Julia deserves to be more beautiful than she is. It’s unfair that she has to worry about her appearance, be hyper-vigilant about camera angles, and employ a ton of cosmetic aids. She shouldn’t have to work so hard. If only life were fair, she would be the Hollywood beauty she wants to be. She would turn every guy’s head. She’s entitled to that, after all.

    Am I missing something? Is she really saying something else? Isn’t this just a pity party that she’s one in a hundred and not one in a million?

    If she spend her energy cultivating herself instead of her looks, she might be somewhere today.

    • My nostrils are TOTALLY symmetrical! says:

      “If she spend her energy cultivating herself instead of her looks, she might be somewhere today.”

      Yep.

    • It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

      Very astute, SS.
      Nail. On. The. (pelty) Head.

      This recent revelation is surely due to Donkey being shamed out of going to the MIT gig ~ she’s realizes that having all that manbait see her IRL is not going to translate the same as when her foot fetish ‘stani fans view blurry fauxtos, & no way is she inclined to go merely in the capacity of a tech blogger who’ll actually ‘report’ on the event…

      It’s hard out here for a fameho.

  30. JABa the Butt says:

    I think most of us make peace with our appearances because we have normal lives. Work, family, friends, hobbies, etc. leave minimal time to stress over looks. Even if we’re having an “ugly” day, we have to suck it up and get on with the more important things in life.

  31. Francesca says:

    With every one of her new posts it becomes more and more apparent that it is really all for us here at RBNS. I almost feel sorry for her.

  32. Naansociety says:

    What’s sad here is the lack of self-awareness; she thinks she doesn’t look good so she piles on makeup, gets hair extensions, dresses like a twelve year-old, and makes silly poses in public, and then she’s upset with the results. If she just toned it down, and acted naturally, and did her thing–actually produced something and worked hard–people wouldn’t have this or any problem with her. The things she does to make herself look good end up making her look worse. She also refuses to plumb any deeper to realize that the photos are merely freeze-frames of her behavior; this has less to do with her measurements and more about her actions. It’s less about wanting a world without cameras; instead, she wants a world without memory. She wants to act like a jackass on the red carpet—making kissy faces—but not have to deal with the aftermath (the fact that it wasn’t adorable, that people didn’t cheer). It’s like, she wants to run the race but she hates that pesky ol’ finish line.

    • Effing Ineffably Un-Effable says:

      Herein lies the problem: Her whole existence is a fabrication, everything is done for “fans” or “readers”or whatever, and she’s trying to live as a post-successful-moment A-lister when she is in fact pre-success and not on any list.

      So acting naturally might force Julia to come to the realization (sooner than she wants to, but it’s inevitable) that she hasn’t actually put in the effort an is drafting off of other people and isn’t bringing anything to the table. The vast majority of people who have been successful (both in a big TV/music/movies sense and in a smaller, just killing at their work and personal life goals) got there via hard work, paying dues, putting the time in, and having a unique point of view.

      Seems that she’s allergic to all of that and for that reason, it’s the path of more resistance than being an idiot, doing wide-stance skirt-pulls, endless fauxto shoots, is what she’ll unleash on the world.

      If she really wanted to do this right, she’d shutter nonsociety, lower the cray by twitter, and just focus on building her career by DOING ACTUAL WORK and sharing less. Because really, WTF is someone like the “social media butterfly” doing in the orbit? Works at a marketing firm but “really knows” social media? Good god, it’s 2010, this is a REALLY STANDARD job set in marketing.

      Shut down everything. Nose to the grindstone. JUST. WORK.

  33. shamoolia says:

    Julia ALWAYS throws these pity parties for herself after fashion week. She’s around beautiful, skinny models all day and it probably wears her down that she’s not the swan she thinks she is when she’s getting fawned on by Afghani Facebook Friends(tm). It’s a wake up call and I think it’s funny / pathetic how shallow and looks obsessed she is.

    I’ve said it before – Julia grew up as a lonely ugly duckling and has spent her entire adult life trying to overcompensate for it. Sadsers.

    • Donksers says:

      “I’ve said it before – Julia grew up as a lonely ugly duckling and has spent her entire adult life trying to overcompensate for it. Sadsers.”

      This! But instead of getting professional help and working through it all, she just buys more flouncy dresses, more stripper heels, more dirty-looking pelts, piles on more makeup, hangs more tutus on her wall, and poses for more slutty photos. Momsers and Dadsers are proud of their deranged donkey, and that’s also sad.

  34. Stalker is the new Empurpled Pity Polyp ♪ ♫ says:

    Narcissus: If only that pool weren’t so shiny and reflective! It’s the water’s fault I have to sit here and stare at my reflection!

  35. shamoolia says:

    Dogs generally HATE to be held on their back like that. Lilly looks like she was wiggling and desperate to right herself and Julia is pinning her down. Awful.

    • Mini Driver says:

      As seen in this video.

      I think part of genuine love is being able to give and receive affection in a medium other than your own. Like, if your boycat is a rock-climber, and he gives you rock-climbing gear, you should understand that even if YOU don’t like rock-climbing, this is his way of saying he wants you to join him on his adventures. And you are genuinely touched and warmed by this, instead of getting huffy that he didn’t buy you the font package you’ve been hinting about. It’s the difference between loving an autonomous being and loving a vending machine that always dispenses exactly what you want exactly when you want it.

      Dogs don’t like being rolled onto their backs and squeezed. A non-narcissist would find ways to show her affection for the dog that the dog would enjoy, be perceptive to feedback from the dog. But Julie wants something that she can roll on its back and squeeze, so that is what transpires.

      This is why I can’t flip her shit for surrendering Lilly. I think Lilly is better off with someone who understands that she is not a teddy bear.

  36. shamoolia says:

    “Maybe I’ve lost three or four pounds, I don’t know. I don’t really weigh myself.”

    Ha ha Little Miss This is What 138 Looks Like. You know that bitch was counting off every pound of water weight shed from that stupid cleanse she did recently so she wouldn’t be the dumpiest person at fashion week. Hope she has fun packing it all back on +5-10 lbs when she goes back to sitting on her ass at Mom and Dad’s house.

    She really is dumb.

  37. bettedavis says:

    Grow the fuck up and stop spending all day staring in a mirror. If she knew anyone with facial burns, disfigurement or an amputation, maybe she would shut the fuck up about her appearance. Your soul is far uglier than your face, Julia.

    I really hate this self-absorbed cunt today.

    • shamoolia says:

      If she knew anyone with a life threatening and debilitating illness… oh wait.

    • juliajane says:

      +1000

      Seriously, does she even know how self-obsessed and moronic she sounds in this post? Get a fucking life, Donkey. One that doesn’t include lies, sponging off your parents, and raging narcism.

  38. ShesJustStupid says:

    When is she leaving New York?

  39. monster says:

    her tweets to MTV are so passive aggressive. A million hits come up when you google downtown girls. what a moron.

    • Let us remember that she was up for that show.

      • shamoolia says:

        I don’t get it… is she being some kind of Bitter Betty after getting rejected or doing some research for her latest reality show that she “doesn’t want to do?”

        It’s really sad how she’s still chasing reality show fame at 30 years old.

  40. G-D: her writing is bad in this Guardian piece (http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2010/sep/22/fashion-week-frontline?CMP=twt_gu)! “I had never covered fashion before, and I had absolutely no idea what or how to do so.” Momsers wasn’t available for editing?

    • Stalker is the new Empurpled Pity Polyp ♪ ♫ says:

      Does she really think that Anna Wintour’s job is EASY?

      • Stalker is the new Empurpled Pity Polyp ♪ ♫ says:

        You have to become a liminal figure

        HOLY CATBALLS THAT IS NOT WHAT LIMINAL MEANS.

        *deep breaths*

        this article sucks.

    • Dyspeptic2 says:

      And the pity is that the copy editors at The Guardian were asleep at the wheel. Or, as is more likely in these trying times, they had been laid off.

    • The Devil Wears TJ Maxx says:

      The first paragraph is one sentence with more than 10 commas in it.

    • It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

      “Six years ago…I attended my inaugural fashion show.”

      “Four years later…my boss asked me to cover fashion week. I had never covered fashion before…”

      “It’s been seven long seasons since I first stumbled with my microphone into the tents…”

      Her writing is sooooo bad! I think my brain activity flat-lined (literally! for like three minutes!) while trying to parse it. Seven years ago at her 1st FW, she was already carrying a mic, even though it was four years later before she actually ‘covered’ if for the 1st time? Or is she really 34-years-old? What? The Fuck.

      • flotsam says:

        Seasons ≠ years, if that helps.

        But more importantly: who the fuck cares how long you’ve grifted your way into front rows like a scheming whore in a bad French farce?

      • It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

        Mybad, Flotsam, saying seven ‘years’ when seven ‘seasons’ is what I (obviously) was meant to say … my point, rather, was whether or not she was carrying a mic all those seven, long seasons ago, & if so, WHY?, since she wasn’t asked to cover NYFW for the 1st time until four years later.

        Damn! I could only interject a measly eight commas in there!

      • Well done, Juelzie says:

        Thank you! I wish I had read all the comments before posting.

    • flotsam says:

      That is fucking awful, full stop. Every part of it. Not just the commas (which are awful), but the syntax (which doesn’t line up), the pop culture references (which are insipid and unilluminating), and the basic confusion about what she’s trying to say (is it like boot camp or a mosh pit? What does it mean to have a boot camp within a mosh pit? If it’s a boot camp, who is training you?). Just unreadable and embarrassing, and so easy to fix, really.

      Original:

      I’ve never been in combat, but I’ve seen GI Jane, and from the looks of it, fashion weeks like last week in New York, or opening today in Milan, bear more than a passing resemblance to a regimented boot camp, in the middle of a highly organised, unrelenting mosh pit of well-dressed editors, reporters, buyers, models, photographers, press and flaks with competing agendas.

      A little better, at least:

      I’ve never been in boot camp. But from what I remember from GI Jane, New York Fashion Week (and others like it, such as Milan Fashion Week, opening today) offers a comparable experience. But at least boot camp has a certain sense of order to it — Fashion Week puts its players through their paces amid a vast sea of generalized chaos, a mosh pit filled with editors, reporters, buyers, models, photographers, press and flaks with competing agendas. Sometimes it seems like it’s mere skinniness or simple whim that determines who gets treated like five-star general and who ends up with a shaved head cleaning the latrine.

      I mean, right? My version isn’t necessarily great, but at least it follows through on its own conceit, right?

      • flotsam says:

        The second “but” should be a “though” to avoid repetition. And I’m sure there are other problems! But the point is I diddled that out in 15 minutes. Though I guess things might have been more difficult for me if I had been trying to type with hooves instead of fingers.

      • Stalker is the new Empurpled Pity Polyp ♪ ♫ says:

        Yes, your version manages to carry the water from point A to point B[oot camp].

      • Stalker is the new Empurpled Pity Polyp ♪ ♫ says:

        and it would have been harder if you had to stop and crowdsource synonyms for “adaptable” or whatever.

    • “…as the editor-at-large of STAR magazine, my boss asked me to cover fashion week”

      Nice dangling modifier, dumb Donkey. RobinBogger wouldn’t have let that one slip by.

      Apparently the entire time her columns were being edited (by her mother or others), she never paid any attention to any revisions, which is why her writing remains so deplorable today. Learn Button FAIL, Donkey — the story of your life.

    • might as well jump says:

      Her writing oeuvre (for lack of a better word) is also schizo — on the blog it’s very high school and then in the Guardian it’s quite heady and peppered with big words, etc., almost as if she didn’t write it herself. I don’t get it, really, but then again, maybe it’s to remain a mystery.

  41. The Freeloading Musketeers says:

    Ok, I need the help of all you smart, accomplished catladies. I’m applying for my dream job, and I am completely blocked trying to write the cover letter. Too desperate for the job I think. Any recommendations on how to write something that won’t get thrown into the rejection pile immediately? I’m definitely qualified for the job, but everything I write sounds pathetic.

    • flatface says:

      If at all possible, I think it’s cool if you either speak briefly with the perosn you’re sending it to (editor, producer, head chef, whatever) even if just to have them say: send me yo’ stuff.

      Or if you have someone inside the co who reccomended you send Mr./MS. X your stuff.

      That way, you can open the first sentence with: hey jack so-and-so suggested i send my clips/resume along. Then go into how much you admire/respect the co. don’t be overly-effusive, though. Get right into YOU ASAP..

      But having that inside thing always helps. Not to make it seem like you’re all buddy-buddy with them or their co-workers. But just to show you’re not applying blind…

      • The Freeloading Musketeers says:

        Yeah, unfortunately I don’t have any contacts who work there, so I’m out of luck there. It’s a state job that’s being advertised everywhere, so I know I’m going to be just one of hundreds of applicants. So I’m just stumped as to how to stand out without any prior connection to the hiring manager. Although. my biggest fear is that they already have an internal candidate in mind, and are just posting for legal reasons.

      • Stalker is the new Empurpled Pity Polyp ♪ ♫ says:

        If it’s a state job, then yeah, your chances are prrrrrrrrobably slim. In which case your letter will be going through an automated system that picks out keywords. Make sure you hit the keywords in your letter and your resume. Pretend you’re writing the letter for someone else you like a lot, to get over the skeevy feeling of tooting your own horn.

        Are you on LinkedIn? That’s a good way to get contacts.

      • The Freeloading Musketeers says:

        Keywords, get over skeevy feeling, excellent advice, though difficult to follow the second piece. Thanks!

      • Stalker is the new Empurpled Pity Polyp ♪ ♫ says:

        You’re welcome! Good luck! I’ve been through two layoffs and it took me 4 months to find a job last year .. it SUCKED.. I sent out hundreds of applications.. I hated job hunting!!! My sympathies & good wishes to you.

    • Brianna says:

      My method is always

      Write pathetic letter.

      Go do something for a few hours.

      Re-read letter, edit.

      Go do something for a few hours.

      Re-read, edit

      Until you have a cover letter that’s sounding pretty good. Then, leave it for a full day or so (if you have time.) Re-read one last time, make any little changes that pop out, and send.

      Distance from your writing is one of the most important things I learned when writing letters/cover letters/resumes – nothing else gives you the perspective.

    • Brianna says:

      Also, be sure the cover letter lays out what you can do for them. Not what you have done, or would like to do, but how what you have done translates into what they need.

      I vet the resumes for my workplace, and those cover letters are vastly more useful than the ones that read like a list of accomplishments. Also, they show you did your research, which is awesome.

      • The Freeloading Musketeers says:

        ok, so if part of the job involves assisting researchers, would I mention my past experience assisting researchers, making a pointed statement about how my experience will allow me to do that function in this position? Or should it be more subtle than that?

      • Stalker is the new Empurpled Pity Polyp ♪ ♫ says:

        I believe you should be direct. No subtlety. (but I am not in HR.)

      • Sausage Snappers says:

        Do not be subtle. Be completely direct with how your experience will help the employer reach their goals. Do not be afraid to tout your expertise.

  42. Morally and spiritually and LITERALLY bankrupt says:

    Jesus Christ, the writing is bad. Pet peeve: people who think extra commas make them seem smarter. No, they just make you seem like a bad writer.

    “I had absolutely no idea what or how to do so…” So, you had no idea what to do so? What?

    “…can actually make a crowd gasp.” What is the difference between actually making them gasp and just making them gasp?

    Also, this account is so utterly irrelevant. It’s really the account of someone wishing she was important enough to be snubbed.

    The whole point is that the fashion editor of a major publication could easily get snubbed at FW. Julia getting snubbed and pushed out of the way simply doesn’t count.

    • Old Gray Mare She Aint What She Used To Be says:

      I read your comment and was a little self-conscious, since I’ve been told (UM ER OOPS!) a few times to lay off the commas in my own writing and they’re sort of a crutch.

      But then I clicked over to the article and counted 12 FREAKING COMMAS in her lede. 12! What editor lets that sort of shit slide?

    • Old Gray Mare She Aint What She Used To Be says:

      It’s also pretty amusing that her writing style so perfectly matches her fashion sense: “I know, I’ll just wear everything in the jewlery box at once!” = a girl can NEVER lace her writing with too many adjectives and SAT words, bunnies!

      • It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

        “Only front row celebs and total newbies dress like it’s a red carpet” ~Steppann Ree Peet

  43. Peter says:

    Invisible Hair Weave is a long lasting method of attaching commercial hair to the natural hair. Application generally takes about an hour. It will last about 8 weeks.

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