OK, Seriously, What About Lilly?


Blissed out after intensely relaxing 90 min massage over at the gorgeous Spa Merge on 57th. Therapist: “Why so tight, this butt muscle?” HA! less than a minute ago via Echofon

She’s been in town, what, a week? She moved away in August? She was lying on some never-before-heard-of friend’s Tribeca couch this morning, then managed to drag herself to a spa for a massage because Fashion Week is such an ordeal!!

Not one mention of her poor dog? The one she trots out for faux-to shoots when it suits her?

Where the fuck is she? Has Donkey even seen her? Does she care?

For years we’ve been reading blog posts about little “Marshmallow” and how much Donkey loves her. And yet she’s just left her with Lasagna and makes no mention of her? Is she taking her back home to Chicago now that she’s sponging off Momsers and Dadsers? Or is going to Boston to get laid taking precedence, once again, over her poor dog?

I say the tightness in her ass, by the way, is because she’s such a tight-ass. Get a hotel room next time, you miserly hick.


  1. Why do people think she’s in Long Island? I missed that. I kind of think she’s dunzo. Hope not though!

    And only Julia could take a tight ‘muscle’ as some sort of compliment. Flabby fool.

    • If she’d died, Donk would have gone completely mental. The histrionics and hysterics would have been off the charts. No, I am pretty sure Lasagna’s got her, but nobody’s saying.

      • To me it seems like she would have had some crazy self-love post about how hard it was to leave her ‘Monster’ but how with her busy life of flying off to univited places she can’t care for her. Also seems like mr and mrs bogger would have gladly taken her and then Julia could still see her?

        Idk – entirely plausible that LI Meghan took her, just seems very odd to me is all.

        I kind of think she like packed her in a box for the movers or something sad.

      • Lilly being with Lasagna makes the most sense, but I can’t shake the image of Julia accidentally sitting on her (like Christopher in the Sopranos sits on Adriana’s dog) and then just being too embarrassed to say anything.

      • But why can’t Lily and Langdon be together? The dog belongs on that huge property in suburban Chicago.

      • The poor little mutt may have finally succumbed to heat exhaustion in a monogrammed bag or was forcibly removed ~ seems apparent that Donkey has neglected & accessorized Lilly for the last time & I’d be willing to bet that whomever knows sordid details has said in no uncertain terms is Donkey to milk one iota of sympathy or they’ll come here & spill.

      • i thought we had confirmation that lilly was abandoned with lasagna through a facebook wall post from lasagna about how lilly missed julia?

      • Lasagna ALWAYS had lilly, sometimes for a week or more AFTER julia returned to NYC. as for the question of why lilly didnt go to momser and dadster in willamette, the only reason i can think of is: giving lilly to her parents isn’t a way of saying “im busy OMGtraveling and OMGindemand” but it would be an admission of defeat on some level. as in, julia isn’t situated, she can’t care for her pet, even after her parents took the dogs from her. even though it would be the logical and right thing to do, theres a barrier there and part of the barrier is that she’s already given her parents the dogs once. doing so again would be admitting defeat, which psychopaths don’t do!

      • I think they were both hers, but her parents took both away for awhile because she was incapable of being responsible. At some point they stupidly decided to give her Lilly back.

      • yes, langdon was julia’s too. i know this is tldr, but this pretty much explains it

        “When I first moved to New York, Lilly was only a year and a half old, and my building didn’t allow dogs. I smuggled her in and out for months, but she hated it, and I hated that she hated it. So she went to live with my mom for a year, and she just flourished. My mom is incredibly good with animals, and just adores her dog Langdon (adopted from my ex-fiance, when we broke up). By the time I moved into an apartment which allowed pets, Lilly was a happy little camper.”

      • Hmm, thanks. Wild stuff, I didn’t know that! Two little gems from that post: the reader’s (“reader’s”?) question includes the sentence “I am so impressed by your dog raising skills” (wow…. even *I* know that shi-tzus are typically mellow, so if Lilly’s desperation never led her to attack anyone, it’s hardly a sign of the Donk’s “dog raising skills”), and Julia’s “I don’t know what I’d do without her.” Well, I guess that we all know by now, ay?

        Pelt-A-Porter, I love your handle. 🙂

    • You know, at some point, the dog is going to get old (she’s gotta be up there now, didn’t she get her in college?), and no one is going to want to care for her anymore. Old dogs are sometime incontinent, blind, deaf, etc. Guaranteed, when this happens, and Fatty Lasagna is no longer around to be Julia’s human shit scooper, Julia will dump the dog on her parents to take care of. Mark my words.

      • I was just thinking when I read that post kindly linked to by FC, Lilly must be getting quite old already. Eight years, maybe? I don’t know how long shi-tzus can live, but that’s quite an old age for a small dog, isn’t it?

      • Small dogs can live 12-15 years (my dogs are 10 and still going strong, though a little less energetic than they used to be). Of course, that’s only if they’re kept healthy and happy, walked regularly, etc. Um, er, oops?

      • Ah. So is it the other way, big dogs have a shorter life expectancy than small ones? I’ve known two very big dogs who lived till 14 or 15 and I remember that was generally considered quite remarkable, but for some reason I always thought that smaller dogs had shorter lives.

      • Ok, you guys have now successfully made me hysterical thinking about our dog’s lifespan. My boycat thanks you for the tears and anxiety, and the dog thanks you for the fact that he is being clutched against his will.

      • Fashiongirl…. I know NOTHING about dogs or how long they live. I never had a dog. Whatever I say on the subject of dogs is pure and utter bullshit with a side of extra-strength dumb. Please don’t let it upset you, your boycat or your dogcat.

      • @fashiongirl I get the same way. My little doggie (a lot like Lilly) is 13 and I have to LITERALLY force myself not to think about it. She’s strong and good and an angel. And a butthead.

    • ok…why the fuck is she publishing this on the internet??? WHY! For what purpose? God ignore this shit is what I sayl Seriously, why give it the time of dya?

  2. Is it typical for masseuses to massage the butt? I’ve only had one professional massage in my life, and they went nowhere near the ass region.

      • Interesting. It was supposed to be a full body massage. Whatever, I hated it anyway, and a butt massage probably would have made it worse.

      • Jacy, I just didn’t find it to be all that relaxing. I was just so aware of everything the masseuse was doing, so I never really shut my brain off. And it did nothing for my shoulder and lower back pain.

      • I hate being touched by strangers, so yes, I’m quite sure I’d hate a (professional) massage too. Pretty sure I’m never going to give it a try, though. I’m not even too crazy about having my hair / nails done for this reason, although I bravely suffer through that now and again.

      • Not a massage fan, either, and also because I don’t like being touched by strangers. I once got a gift certificate for a series of massages at a very fancy spa here in San Francisco, and I kept trying to motivate myself to go, but I never did and it eventually expired. Looking back, I should have cashed it in for another spa service…but come to think of it, I don’t like spas in general. And I have never had a professional manicure or pedicure. I do my own (and they always look better than Donkey’s, but that is probably because my hands and feet are not deformed.)

      • “I do my own (and they always look better than Donkey’s, but that is probably because my hands and feet are not deformed.)”

        That probably is a factor, yes. 🙂 I assume you aren’t a great fan of eggplant diarrhea colored nail polish, either.

        But yeah, I also *normally* do my own nails. I’m just not completely opposed to the idea of having them done by a professional once in a while. I love my hairstylist (little Donkese here…. next thing you know, I’ll be talking about my management team) and they have an awesome talking parrot at the salon so I’m always glad to see them both, but I still only go there every couple of months, sometimes just twice a year. I have friends who say they LOVE the feeling of having their hair touched by another person, but that’s just never been the case with me.

      • I’m with the non-massage lovers! I have “service person” guilt and overtip on any service as it is. But, paying someone to squish all over my almost naked body takes it to a whole nother level– AKA Prostitution Whore! But that’s just crazy- old- Catlady me.

      • Can we stop with the Midwestern hick stuff on here? I really don’t think JA being a piece of shit has anything to do with her being from the Midwest. I’m sure there are plenty of people on here from the Midwest and don’t appreciate the Midwest/hick association. Not everyone had the “privilege” of being born and raised in NYC.

      • Sorry HT, B but there are hicks in the midwest and she is one of them. This doesn’t mean that everyone from the midwest is a hick. This doesn’t mean you are a hick. Julia is a hick and she is from the midwest.

      • i’m with “I like Colors” on this one. the term midwestern does describe a certain kind of hick who comes to NYC and acts like a damn tourist. it’s not a TERRIBLE thing to be, it’s just shorthand for a certain type of person. julia acted like a tourist even though NYC was “home” for 5 or 6 yrs. you have to agree that’s freaking tacky

      • I was born and raised in Chicago, live in the Midwest, and Julia’s fashion violations and cultural illiteracy often indeed remind me of a Midwestern rube. Tots. Sorry.

      • i live in the midwest and i think that term is hilarious. i use it on myself from time to time, as well….when i’m being particularly hick-ish (e.g. tweeting when i’m standing next to ryan phillipe in LAX airport)

      • When I read “Midwestern hick” I always think of the parents in “The Corrections”, bopping around with their cruise ship bags.

  3. tight butt muscle is squeezing in the farts, duh.

    maybe that last faux-to shoot with lily was julia’s way of saying ‘goodbye’?

  4. You know as soon as she reads this post, there will be a blog post or twitter about the whereabouts of Lily… since you know… she doesn’t read here.

    • You know there will be.

      “Some readers have e-mailed me recently to ask about Lilly. Don’t worry, bunnies, she’s been staying at her aunt Megan’s house and having the time of her life! I am going to take her back to Chicago soon, but I just thought with my hectic travel schedule — I am SO busy!! — Marshmallow would be happier with her beloved Auntie Megan until my life settles down a bit! And she is really happy! Hahaha!”

      • “Today is Responsible Pet Owner’s Day! As you know, I am currently bi-coastal (and quad-city hahahaha), which is not exactly the best way to care for my darling Monster. Until I find a place to stay where there is someone else to walk her, pick up her pee and poop and generally provide basic care, I am generously allowing her to stay with my former assistant, Miss Megan Lasagna. Yay me!”

  5. When I really stop to think about this, it enrages me almost more than Jordan’s pet store dogs.

    I would never DREAM of leaving my pet so casually. It’s cruel. Dogs are creatures of habit and pack animals. It was bad enough that Julia paraded her around to all kinds of non-dog places but now she’s dumped her. It just shows how cold and dumb and selfish she really is.

    And seriously, what’s the deal with Lily vs. Langdon. Do they not get along? Why can’t they both be at the Holiday Inn Lake House.

    • Couldn’t agree MORE. The other crap about her is just stupid and funny. This is just downright Michael Vick of her.

      • Plus the licking the walls, the pooing everywhere…these are signs of a stressed and unwell dog.

    • I have been wondering about this Lilly thing for weeks. And I was completely appalled that there was no mention of her in these two weeks of fashion week fuckery. this whole story is disturbing. i still don’t get why the parents didn’t DEMAND that the dog come back to them…we know that the two dogs were originally together, and that momsers once forcibly took back both dogs from julia because she couldn’t take care of them. so what the fuck is going on!??! and why no post about it…she could have spun it in her favor. something is up.

  6. We’re dealing with a self-centered person here, of course, but doesn’t it seem that ALL the living creatures in JAB’s life are merely interchangeable parts, taken on and then discarded according to her whims of the moment?

  7. It enrages me how she always holds that dog up by the front legs. Dogs are not meant to be held unsupported like that. Her mistreatment and neglect of that dog is disgusting. Remember when she dressed it in a Halloween costume meant for a baby? Hideous.

    • There was a video on Donkey’s website that was some kind of promotional ad for something. Julia was in it as part of the crowd, and she had Lily with her. She was up towards the front, throwing that poor little dog up in the air. It was so disgusting, it made my stomach turn. Someone as sick and selfish as Julia Allison does not deserve to have a gold fish, much less a dog.

      • That’s it, FC! I remembered the Lily part as “throwing” when actually it was bouncing her up in the air. It just looks disgusting to me and demonstrates so perfectly the way Julia has always thought of Lily as a prop or an accessory…more like a stuffed animal than a real dog.

      • There’s also a lip-dub video (Donkey, alone in her pink padded cell) where Lilly squirms one time too many & gets lobbed onto the bed.

      • This vimeo made me do a double take. I thought it was a joke that someone had posted making fun of her….but SHE posted this trash! Who would post something this inane! Oh, Donkey would, that’s who.

  8. I have the flu, and last night I had a fever dream that we had taken in Lilly and I was reporting into RBNS that she was safe and happy. (We also lived in a hideous townhouse complex with a dumpster in the middle of the parking lot in the fever dream.)

  9. “Hick” is the first word that comes to mind when I picture Julia Allison. I always pictured her as the token rube from the midwest who shows up in NYC and never quite “gets it”. Even when she was “on the cusp” (i.e. right around her Wired cover) that’s how I saw her. So I can say pretty reliably that she’s going to fail in her quest for a successful/rich husband, since I’m in that demo and I can’t imagine myself or any of my friends (from OMGPrinceton) dating such a tacky hick.

    • I am looking for a rich man to take care of me. Please advise what my next steps for fooling you into loving me should be.

      • pursue a rewarding career (doesn’t have to be lucrative), have some friends and hobbies you care about, show a strong proclivity for mental and physical health, tell the truth where possible, be considerate of others.

        basically be a fairly normal person — look at julia’s example and do the opposite. or, better yet, look at allie’s example and FOLLOW it. why would “tricks” be involved?

      • Sorry, I only attend the Julie Albertson School of Dating. I should ask for my money back, that much she taught me.

    • Not to rain on your parade but I know a lot of omg ivy grads who are dating or married to tacky openly gold digging hicks. Julia’s actual problem is that she is not attractive enough. She’d have to marry the type of guy who was also interested in personality, and hers sucks.

      • it’s actually not the gold digging that’s her problem–it’s that she’s TACKY despite spending money. she lacks the innate ability to be gracious or at least sexy (if not able to be gracious). she’s loud, abrasive, and has a reflexive tendency to lie. about. everything.

        i think you folks are reading my post wrong, i’m not saying that there is a certain “type” of girl that the “successful” “boys” like, i’m saying that there is a range of girls and she doesn’t fit any of them because she screams “hick” in every way possible. there’s a wide range of girls that guys like and she’s none of them, unless there are masochists who want to date painfully dumb and disgusting tools.

      • Well that I can agree with. It did sound like you were saying there was a certain woman all men want to marry and as someone who had to attend more than 10 weddings this summer, that’s obviously unture. Ugly, loud, tacky, fake, smart, dumb, kind, bitchy – they all get hitched. But, I agree, it will be very hard indeed for Julia to land a decent man. She’s scary crazy, not fun crazy.

      • There’s something so classist about the “hick” thing. Are women with working class backgrounds beneath you? Do you require three generations of membership in a Greenwich garden club before you deign to give a woman the pleasure of your patronizing company?

      • I don’t see ‘working-class background’ as having anything at all to do w/ it ~ hicks are found in all walks of life, & rich or poor, are universally exemplified as being ‘culturally unsophisticated’ &/or ‘socially awkward’.

      • what do you mean by working class? i’m dating a teacher, FWIW. a very adorable, kind, intelligent woman who works with 1st graders and loves it. i don’t care about the profession, i don’t even REALLY care about the education (except that, c’mon, it’s hot when a girl is intellectually curious). i do care about somewhat of a future time orientation (highly correlated with education), so that might exclude some “working class” women, but i’m not sure what you mean by that. the broader point i was making was, julia SQUANDERS resources–education, money, time, people. yes, there are a lot of waitresses and retail workers who do that. but that overlap is coincidental. my point goes beyond careers, although someone with no interests or ambition wouldn’t be attractive to most guys

      • by the way, there are well-to-do hicks, and i’d have to say that julia is one of them. momsers and dadster strike me as pretty hick-like as well. i can’t decide whether britt is a hick. on one hand, he dresses poorly, but on the other he’s a scientist. on one hand, his parents and julia are nuts, but on the other hand, he has excellent taste in a wife. on one hand, he’s going to be a physics professor, but on the other hand he appears to believe in god and jesus and all that and flies into chicago to have church on the baugher lawn. so britt is really a toss up. but he’s married to allie and has a good education so he’s 2 steps up on julia in my book.

      • So, a “hick” is a person who doesn’t dress well? Is that really how you judge people?

        What do you mean by ‘shows up in NYC and never quite “gets it”’?
        Gets what? That she’s beneath you because your clothes are fancy?

        P.S. Teachers are not working class. Didn’t run across any Engels at Princeton?

      • I cannot force myself to go to Emily Rose’s lifecast but when there’s a link posted here, I always (unwisely) click on it. She gives me the brayge…not as much as Donkey but she is absolutely headed in that direction. Her little re-enactments of conversations are always stupid and pointless and remind me so much of Julia. Emily doesn’t want to live a real life, she wants to live a Rom-Com life!

    • I also think that most guys, successful or not, get a whiff of her NPD or NPD and run. I actually think her narcissism has gotten worse over the years and that’s why she could get a boyfriend in the past and not now. Her most serious relationships with successful guys were back in 2006-07 before she became known. Once she got attention the HPD/NPD shot the the roof and made her unbearable to be around.

      • julie’s the one with a narrow target demographic, not the guys. most guys (except weirdo fetishists) are pretty open minded, but in NYC or any big city, there are so many dating options, you can’t possibly take a narcissist seriously unless you *are* a narcissist.

  10. thnx for this post: i’ve been worried about the poor unsocialized untrained neglected overlooked little creature. there are no bad dogs, just bad owners

    dog with today’s newspaper, or not believing she is among the living

  11. I think Cupcake the Personified Bike has replaced Lilly as the photo opp accessory of choice. And just like Lilly, her bike also gets neglected and dumped on friends when not in use.

    • Her bike is the size of child’s. She must really, really, vertically challenged.

  12. I”m one of those *so rare* dog owners who feels tremendous guilt over leaving my dog for a week with my parents / friends when I have to, or traveling on planes with her…but most of all, I miss my little angel so damn much when I’m away from her!

    Doesn’t she miss Lily?

    • she’s dead inside, she lacks the capacity to miss lilly. she only shows emotion when she’s sad for herself–or when she’s enraged at being exposed.

    • Yeah, as crazy cat lady as it sounds, when we’re away from our kitties for more than just a day, my huscat and I both miss them terribly, and feel bad for leaving them all alone. I think Julia immediately forgets she even has a pet.

    • Same here. We have 2 cats & were so worried about our cats being without us during our 10 day honeymoon. Granted ILs or my sister would feed them for us. But we worried how they would deal without us. I don’t know how she doesn’t care or have a sense of guilt.
      No wonder she can’t keep a man, she can’t even keep her dog happy.

    • I just posted up above that Donkey thinks of Lily as a stuffed animal, and now here are the pictures to prove it! That poor dog.

      • Tots. Leaving aside the fact that her current headshot looks barely humanoid in the first place, this is the main reason I’m so baffled by the excessive amounts of pleasure she’s obviously getting from those bizarrely altered fauxtos (and we know there are billions of them). Bitch, you look NOTHING like that. No one who looks at you sees anything even remotely CLOSE to that. You might just as well cream your panties browsing through a mannequin factory catalogue.

  13. Maybe @LillyDog is being held for ransom until a certain someone’s tiara is returned … BTW, did you know that [Jordacted] is OMG married?

  14. Also disturbing is that she most likely received that massage for free in a planet bizarro marketing move on the part of the spa (like her blogging and Tweeting about it is going to bring them ANY business? If anything the opposite is likely to occur). The fact that JA gets all this free stuff is completely amazing. PR people are braindead to want to associate with her.

  15. And it looks like she can’t even shill properly anymore. She got this “reminder” tweet from Spaweek about an hour before she got around to ever mentioning the name of the second spa. Tool.

    SpaWeek: Hey @juliaallison… how’s your spa day going? Have Spa Merge and Spa Catchi pampered you into oblivion yet?

  16. I have two dogs, and I would NEVER foist them on anyone for this long. First of all, I am not that rude. Secondly, no one in my life would enable me to be that rude and take care of my animals for this long while I traipse around the country pretending to have a life. And thirdly, I give a shit about my dogs, and I would never leave them for that long with anyone. If I wasn’t able to care for them properly, I would adopt them out to someone who was.

    Julia, you are a fucking dipshit. If you can’t handle having a dog, give her to someone you can, you narcissistic, ugly piece of shit.

    • This. And may I add: Grow the fuck up before you even think about having kids. Seriously.

      I shudder to think how this woman would go about raising a child.

  17. So this is how the Asha sisters have been spending their days (from Scary Cary’s tumblr):

    I spent my Monday afternoon in an empty showroom in Midtown attaching pull tabs to zippers – hundreds of them! Does that make me an official garmento? My dear friends Liz and Meghan are launching a line of convertible leather scarves. (See the invitation for their first trunk show above.) It is so awesome to see them transform their ideas into real wearable art, and I was thrilled to have a (small) hand in the process. (The ballet slippers are by J.Crew.)

    I don’t visit Face Hunter, but it makes me think that Meghan’s recent appearance was a plant: http://facehunter.blogspot.com/2010/09/new-york-fashion-week-ss-11-day-1.html

  18. Whether Lily is dead (which I hope she is not) or romping on Lasagna’s Long Island lawn, she is in a better place. I can’t imagine any living creature being in a worse situation than having to rely on Julie Albertson for care.

  19. My pup is a bichon frise and he was dropped off at the shelter because he “got too big.” Translation, once he grew to be a year old and his full twenty pounds, he’s no longer a purse dog so he was just abandoned. I’m so happy that he’s my dog now but it chills me to think of attitudes like that, the same mentality that keeps puppy mills in business. I despise jabs for her treatment of lilly as an accessory and truly hope the little dog is someplace where she’ll have regular grooming, long walks, and a consistent daily routine.

  20. BTW catladies: This the most eclectic thread. Ever.

    Tots random and jumpy. Just like curious thoughts that bounce around in Julia’s head.

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