At Last, A Realistic Photo Shoot

Donkey posed for a series of extremely flattering photos last night at some poor clown’s book launch party. And by extremely flattering, I mean fucking horrifying.

Here are some choice shots:

Ahhh yes, it’s the old “pretend to be about to perform oral sex on an inanimate object” pose. Classy, as ever, especially when dressed in an ugly party dress with some sort of underwire sticking out the side while wearing dirty, suede, taupe-coloured Barbie shoes.

Now let’s move on:

Once again, we scholars of Donkology are reminded why she only wants the right side of her face photographed.

Moving right along …

This is truly frightening. I think I can see her esophagus. Is Lilly in there?

I Kant even post the kissy-face. It’s just too inane, and I feel sorry for the poor fools in the shot with her.

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93 Responses to At Last, A Realistic Photo Shoot

    • Har-Har says:

      NY1? Try again, Donkey.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      “On the runway, Internet personality Julia Allison (I believe that’s her official title) was filming segments for NY1, by the look of her microphone, which she initially forgot to turn on. I couldn’t hear what she was saying but she did multiple takes, clearly unsatisfied with each and every one.”

      HAHAHAHAHA!

      • little birdies dress me says:

        Good Lord. Can you imagine doing hundreds of takes of something that will never see the light of day? It is like taking hundreds of “headshots” for a nonexistent portofolio. Strange.

  1. jpa says:

    Also, I love that she’s posting shots of her manicure with the statement “for those who hated my fake nails”…US. Also, your real nails don’t look any better, so I wouldn’t brag about that.

    • Peltergeist says:

      stop with the pointed nails already!!!

      • The Julia Principle says:

        What’s wrong with pointed nails? I like my own nails pointy too. They’re useful when I want to stick my fingers in my butt crack to scratch my ass, my fingers go further up my nose when I’m picking it and it’s easier to pop zits too. I say keep the pointy nails Julie.

    • convertible leather scarf says:

      She always chooses the most unfortunate colours too imo.

    • diluted brain says:

      HAHA seriously! We’re the only ones who comment on her nails and they still suck even though they’re real. Shorter looks better, not pointly and long like grandma. The color choices should be for pedicures only, not manicures. When will she ever learn?!

      • jpa says:

        I will defend some of her color choices and say that they COULD look better if she had shorter nails. The yellow was just horrible but some of the others had potential. Alas, she doesn’t know what works for her.

  2. New Year New You says:

    I would really like to draw a big HAHAHAHAHEEHAW coming out of her gapemaw.

  3. wonkeye says:

    Look how frightened Nick looks in that photo. I’m sure she was rubbing up against him all night. Naturally, he’s married. Cunt.

  4. Har-Har says:

    “The straightforward presentation of clothes at NY Fashion Week suggests that fashion is merely a business & clothes simply commodities.”
    about 1 hour ago via web

    “Setting aside the garments themselves, one New York fashion show is very much like the next. Sets are minimal.” Umm … huh?!
    about 1 hour ago via web

    It’s *FASHION* – you don’t “set aside” the garments! The show IS the garments!!!!!
    about 1 hour ago via web

    Donkey… you are so dumb. You are really dumb, for real. I’ve never been to Fashion Week, but even I know that fashion shows often include elaborate sets (like Chanel usually does) or even more understated ones (like Zac Posen’s piano in the middle of the runway a few seasons ago).

    • Pelterina says:

      The straightforward presentation of clothes at NY Fashion Week suggests that fashion is merely a business & clothes simply commodities.”
      about 1 hour ago via web

      I don’t even understand her issue with this. It’s the fucking truth. Fashion is a business. Clothes are commodities. I hate having her talk about fashion. It gives me brayge because I fucking study fashion. She knows shit about the industry. And it pisses me off that Fashion Week has become this bullshit showing for celebs. I’d much rather go to Market Week, where you actually see what WILL be in stores and it’s much more relevant to consumers. Seeing Julia front row just symbolizes everything that pisses me off about the industry.

    • MinnietheMoocher, Inc says:

      Welcome to the WORLD, Donkey! Jebus she’s so stupid.

  5. Jacy says:

    I love the moral indignation she’s currently Tweeting because the New York Times criticized Fashion Week.

    Maybe you didn’t hear, Mr. New York Times!! Max Azria told Julie Albertson she was pretty! It was therefore the most AWESOME Fashion Week ever!!! And also, that bitch Rambin wasn’t there, and so Julie Albertson is going to bray that this was the BEST FASHION WEEK EVER for months to come!! Stop raining on her parade!!!

    • Actually, I really hesitate to do this, but I um. . . err. . . agree with her:

      “”The straightforward presentation of clothes at NY Fashion Week suggests that fashion is merely a business & clothes simply commodities.”

      Um, yes, New York Times theater critic, it is. Quit being such a theater queen.

      • It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

        LOL

        AdrienField:
        “Finally, an insightful article on Fashion Week in the New York Times: http://nyti.ms/9rToFu Couldn’t agree more with the author.” about 3 hours ago via web

        I would venture a guess that Adrien could defend his opinion, whereas Donkey, well … what Jacy said.

      • It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

        Wait, JP …

        I think you mistakenly attributed the quote to Donkey …
        [By CHARLES ISHERWOOD]

      • No I know it was the NY Times critic, but I agree with her opinion for once. I think the critic is the one who’s full of shit.

      • I actually take that back, I read Julia’s tweets too quickly. I disagree with both of them.

      • Pelterina says:

        I agree and disagree with him. Clothing is a commodity–Fashion Week wasn’t created to be theatrical but it was for buyers and editors. I’ve been to Fashion Week and in my experience, the sets were mostly basic. While some like Betsey Johnson go above and beyond, based on what I saw, it was rare. The clothes are supposed to make the show.

      • The Devil Wears TJ Maxx says:

        Frankly, fashion right now is a business built on frivolity. It’s probably better to have subdued shows during a time when most people can’t even dream of afford one piece of a collection. And if you’re looking at it from a wearable art angle, the garments should speak for themselves.

        It can’t all be barbie fashion shows, Julia.

    • Limited Watercress Experience says:

      She’s so so so annoying, Julia Allison, wearer of 6 inch white plastic stilettos knows more about fashion than anyone. Max told her she looked nice! She is in the know and you are not Mr. NYTimes. STFU Julia. The article was just fashion week from a different perspective, in this case theatrical. It was a little pointless, but certainly not offensive. She’s such a one dimensional twat.

  6. cara says:

    When she poses like this, does she make a sound? Does she actually bray or does she just pose with her mouth open?

    Either she’s barking like a Tourettes victim, or she’s imitating a large-mouth bass gasping for air.

  7. Regarding the photos, how is it that, in front of that pattern, Julia is still the one who comes across louder?

  8. It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

    About that book …

    Excerpt at: http://www.scribd.com/doc/36753132/I-Live-in-the-Future-and-Here-s-How-It-Works-by-Nick-Bilton-Excerpt

    Hardly cutting edge ~ if I didn’t know that this book *just* launched, I’d think it was 3-4 years old, at least.

    Even Megatits may outsell him w/ her clunker.

  9. Has anyone seen this?

    http://twitter.com/juliaallison/friends/members

    Where’s Teej, Lasagna, Meghan? Her girls Shannon Elisabeth and Meghan McCain?

  10. OMGevanston says:

    convinced she brought the tornadoes to NYC.

  11. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    OT: Remember that “private concert” that Randi gave in the Baugher salon? Julia was kind enough to post a snippet of Shubert being assassinated by a dying swan:

    http://www.vimeo.com/15031219

    She braces herself against the bookcase and raises her leg like she has to pee, but still her pitch wanders away, leaving her to her onanistic joy.

    If Randi were less delusional about her talents than, say, Marget Truman, she would want to ring Julia’s neck for posting this.

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Thank you for reminding me of this:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnJ_T5ldXw8

      • Handbag Stuffed With Hair says:

        My littermate and I just saw this a few nights ago and both laughed so hard we made complete fools of ourselves. I don’t dare think about it much or I’ll start all over again.

      • zandra says:

        i like the quote from this ep where claire says gloria is wearing a “wildly inappropriate dress.” i laughed and though it summed up donk’s entire wardrobe.

    • Jacy says:

      Wow, those are so painful to watch. Really difficult.

    • flotsam says:

      Also OT, but prompted by looking down the list of videos:

      Julia, your family + your new inlaws ≠ a “blended” family. Blended families are ones made up of partners who already have children “blending” the children from previous partnerships together into one nuclear family. You just have new inlaws, like everyone else whose sibling gets married to someone who is not another sibling.

      • It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

        Donkey has an inlaw. Period.

        Britt & Allie have new inlaws.

        WHAT? Is wrong with her?

      • Dyspeptic2 says:

        To Julie Albertson, the family is “blended” because there is now Filipino DNA in the gene pool!!!

      • Afghani Facebook "Friend" says:

        I have no doubt that Julie Albertson is a joke amongst Allie’s family. They def don’t consider her family, even if she considers them family.

    • It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

      Couldn’t watch Randi’s video all the way through ~ she was working that bookshelf though ~ does she eventually get the stick out of her ass?

    • Failure To Staunch says:

      Impressive Margaret Truman reference, SS!

  12. Rogen says:

    I hate this woman very much.

  13. DirtyLakeMichigan says:

    In the first pic, blow it up and look at the boning poking her. Is that blood?? Ouch!
    I do like her bracelet though.

    • MinnietheMoocher, Inc says:

      Yes, it appears that her heavy duty undergarments have broken skin. Watch out, Author Guy! Who knows what blood borne illnesses Donks is carrying!

      • flotsam says:

        I’m inclined to believe the people in the last thread that it looks like a price tag barb (it’s a “loan”!). I bet we never see her in this again.

  14. I demand to sleep on your sofa, for free, for weeks, whenever says:

    How does she never tire of these hideous poses.

    Oh, my! Blowing a book or the concepts held within! So original! So interesting.

    What a damn fool this Donkey is. A couch surfing, demanding fool.

    She should be ashamed of herself.

  15. She gives me Shills! says:

    We all know she’s going to continue wearing prom/party dresses until she dies. She’s going to be that wierd old lady trying to look HOTT.
    Um…er… maybe she already IS that old lady?

  16. NuttyGrannyMoneybags says:

    Wait, Julia is from the future? Is she the CEO of Brawndo?

  17. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    Where is this book party taking place?

    Inside the broken kaleidoscope I had as a child in 1981?
    In an interdenominational chapel designed by Jane Jetson?
    In front of a Colorforms orgy?
    In the showroom of Mario Bava’s new wallpaper line?
    In the test room of the National Department of Incurring Retinal Occlusions?

  18. Fred Grott says:

    I have a question …

    IS Julia Allison the Modern day Mata Hari?

    If So.. when is the execution?

  19. FaFail Waldorf says:

    Oh hai. I missed all the NYFW cray because I was riding donkeys up cliffs in Santorini and stuff, and guys, donkeys are the fucking greatest little animals. I don’t know if I can refer to this trainwreck as one anymore.

    In other news, I kind of like that dress, but I don’t know what that fuckery of undergarments she’s wearing has got going on.

    • Helena (Sparkles @ German Born Designer) says:

      Welcome back, FFW!

      We talked about how awesome real donkeys are and how offensive to them the nickname really is just the other day (yesterday?). But personally I’ve convinced myself that the word “Donkey” as used here doesn’t actually refer to the animal at all, it just references the “archetypal” “essence” of “an imaginary donkey.” Well, that, and the braying.

      • Fred Grott says:

        or the Poker game meaning..the chump you are taking money from 🙂

      • Helena (Sparkles @ German Born Designer) says:

        I never heard that (I forgot the little I once knew about poker), but that might work too, even though we aren’t taking her money. But, she is a chump, so….

  20. bitchface says:

    Tee Jay and Jordan (aww)
    http://tj.nonsociety.com/post/1144136661/a-really-cute-pic-of-me-and-miss-jordan-reid-it

    and Julia thinks these guys are hot? She’s *tots* angling for a spot on the A-in-some-other-universe-List show
    http://tj.nonsociety.com/post/1139276125/soo-this-is-an-amazing-charity-bachelor-auction-i

    • bitchface says:

      the guy in the middle should cue up the theme from Deliverance.

    • bitchface says:

      and yes I feel like a total bitch for making fun of a worthy cause, but those guys are not very cute and JA saying they are “So hot. Definitely biddable. ;)” means she’s angling for something.

      • Helena (Sparkles @ German Born Designer) says:

        I kind of like both the black guys, but I still wouldn’t call them hot. Of course, I only meet or see maybe three hot guys a year.

      • flotsam says:

        You can’t really even see them through the photoshopped expanses of nothingness spread across the planes of their faces. I’d reserve judgement until I saw the flesh in flesh.

      • Helena (Sparkles @ German Born Designer) says:

        Heh, good point.

      • ff says:

        I think she’s kissing TJ’s ass just in case he rides the coattails of a TV reality show hit

        and as @ badonk says below if you are called “the future worst show on television: by Perez it’s got to be awful

        but why is TJ not listed if he’s featured as one of the most prominent spots in the preview??? I’d demand PAY

    • Helena (Sparkles @ German Born Designer) says:

      And bitchface, I’m sure you’re tots correct about JA’s motives here.

      Also, will she ever stop with the stupid smilies? I’m no longer the emoticon hater I used to be, but FFS.

    • I wouldn’t say none of them are hot, because that’s a matter of personal taste, but I can definitely say that none of these guys are my type.

  21. Julia's 4th Nose says:

    The new video she posted of herself on vh1: http://www.vimeo.com/15056229

    She claims on the show that “a real text [she] received” said: sexxx tonight? yes ot no?

    But it was actually a reader’s text message: http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/68898645

    “An ACTUAL TEXT reader Alexa, 28, from Ohio, received. “Yes ot no?” HAHAHAHHAHA Oh my god. I’m going to start signing all of my email queries with “Yes ot no?” from now on.”

    What a psychopath. Couldn’t she have instead just bent the truth a tiny bit and said “an actual text my friend received”? Why does she have to make everyone know that she is so in demand? What? Is wrong with her?

  22. badonk says:

    HEY EVERYONE! PEREZ HAS A CLIP OF THE TEEJ AND FRIENDS ON HIS AWESOME NEW REALITY SHOW! DONKEY LOVES FAMOUS PEOPLE!

    um. err…. oops?

    if perez is calling your show “the worst future show on tv” — you know you’re failure.

    http://perezhilton.com/2010-09-18-preview_clip_of_the_a_list_new_york_gay_housewives_of_nyc

  23. All I have to say to this pic is this:

    http://tumblr.com/x8aiyroll

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