Nice Purse

[vimeo 13668394]

Here she is in her toddler dress and her Hello Kitty giant purse. What do you know? She’s wearing pink. And Dadsers delivers another scathingly OMG AMAZEBALLS witticism that is like a live-action Family Circus cartoon.

The more interesting one for me is the video she took of the first dance. It’s pretty telling that she switches the camera off just as Britt is in a position to be looking straight at her. Also — the forlorn little donkey moan when Britton and Alexandra kiss … so creepy.

And she posted a video of them exchanging vows? Holy shit, that is a violation of privacy. There are just no boundaries with this loon.

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128 Responses to Nice Purse

  1. Adderall Beget This says:

    “I always pass things out.”

    What could that possibly mean?

  2. Stalker is the new Empurpled Fat ♪ ♫ says:

    what did dadsers say, please?

    • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

      Julia: “Are you excited about the toast?”

      Dadsers: “Yeah, actually, the bread, and the butter, more than the toast.”


      • Stalker is the new Empurpled Fat ♪ ♫ says:

        coping mechanism. If they give a straight answer it lets her continue her pestering questioning. If they make a quip it shuts her down because she’s not smart enough to be witty back.

        Imagine he says “Yes!” then she’ll be all, “BUT ARE YOU REALLY REALLY EXCITED??????” and if he said, “No.” she’d be able to be all , “AWW WHY NOT, YOU SHOULD BE EXCITED.” blah blah.

      • cupcake cray cray says:

        SitnEF: great point! that never occurred to me but totally makes sense.

      • Unchill Vibes says:

        Yes, and one also wonders why cut there!? Did he finally say to her, “For fuck sake Julia, stop being such a vain pig and help your mother.”???

        It’s very curious!

        Also, you can’t photoshop/edit around extreme dejection, Sweetie.

      • Jacy says:

        The cut was pretty abrupt.

      • Unchill Vibes says:

        @ Jacy: One with think with her expertise in video editing (well, let’s not go crazy here!) that she would know these abrupt cuts are tres bizarre. Like the dance. Why cut just as the crowd is cooing over the (saccharine to my eyes) choreographed kiss to the lyric?

        She is a real weirdo.

        Because why put this shit on display in the first place???

      • LLFOOLJ says:

        A winner is YOU SitnEF! See also: Britt in ANY “family conversation”, most notably his responses to the recent “Langdon accompanying BIG sister down the aisle” foolishness.

      • Stalker is the new Empurpled Fat ♪ ♫ says:

        ~takes a bow~

        What do I win? Oh! a half full bottle of Blueprint Cleanse and some foot-funky suede heels!

        SO BLESSED.

      • LLFOOLJ says:

        I can throw in some matted pelts, if you’d like. They’re kind of heavy and stained with what looks an entire MAC counter set permanently by “I’m expired” tears, though. We ran out of Herve umbrellas and $2 griftcards (yours for $10!!! A steal!) already! Um, er, oops. Don’t take it so seriously!

      • MinnietheMoocher, Inc. says:

        You’d think as someone who’s been editing video since high school (she said it not me) she’d know to throw a fader on the end of her videos so it doesn’t end so abruptly.

  3. The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

    Who, pray tell, does Julia imagine her audience is for such a video?

    -Why would a general audience care her brother is getting married?
    -Why would a general audience care to know the details of her and Mega’s hideous-ballz OMG pink outfits?
    – How fuck does it occur to anyone to film themselves preening about in overgrown Osh Kosh BGosh rejects at a family wedding when they could be actually, IDK, helping out and attending the bride?
    -Does Julia keep a picture of herself progressively growing younger and more beautiful in that heart-shaped purse?

    • virgil defensive read says:

      not that i have an iota of sympathy for her, but she has to live vicariously through brit’s relationship. in some warped capacity, she needs his intimate moments because she lost all ability to have that in her own life. she doesnt have anything else in her life.

    • Julia's Fat Ass says:


  4. shamoolia says:

    Watching those other videos, it’s clear Britt and Allie don’t like/merely tolerate her and she’s the least self aware person in the universe to not realize that.

    I’d be mortified if some random friend of my sister was sitting in the front row of my wedding and taping/photographing the entire thing. What a bunch of tacky trash.

    • PinkDenofIniquity says:

      Did you watch the one of them in the limo? Julia prompts them like fucking 5 year olds, saying “what happened today?” Allie and Britt look at each other like WTF and don’t really deign to answer the stupid stupid question because they are sitting there in their wedding gear like, oh brother. I can’t believe they let the donkey in the limo on the way from the church. I’d hate to have that special time ruined.

      • Jacy says:

        How can she listen to her voice in that video and not realize she sounds like a loud, vulgar hick-donkey of the type you might see in a sports bar at the end of the night, still chugging back the Long Island Iced Teas and hoping some drunk jock might pick her up and take her home.

        Can she not do something about her fucking voice and her way of speaking? Holy shit.

      • MinnietheMoocher, Inc. says:

        I loved Britt’s answer. “We got dressed up.”

    • Amazing says:

      WHY ARE THEY LETTING HER POST THESE THINGS!!!!!???? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • shamoolia says:

        I don’t think they are “letting” her post anything. Much like an annoying or hyperactive child, they probably just let her do what she wants and mostly ignore her. Personally, I’d be pissed knowing that so many details of a very special day were farted all over the internet, but they probably don’t care enough to raise a stink or press the issue. This is why I sometimes think she might be a little bit mentally challenged or something – it’s like they just let her do what she wants to keep her happy and let her entertain herself.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        I don’t see how they can stop her from doing it short of actually saying “don’t do this, please.” And I suspect neither of them has the time or energy to devote to the resulting shit-storm.

      • ShesJustStupid says:

        Not so sure about not letting her do it. She was told by her cousin not to post stuff from her wedding and she didn’t, outside of a photo of the Familysers.

      • AnnaPelt is Happy at 138 says:


    • ecw says:

      For god’s sake, I feel like I was at this disaster of a wedding weekend, right down to the creepily uncomfortable feeling of watching the overly-enthusiastic but dejected sibling in the corner, practically wetting her pants and waving her arms around, screaming for attention.

  5. ShesJustStupid says:

    I’m still getting over the fact that donkey described Mega as “the best wedding date ever” because she took a gazillion photos of…donkey.

    • MinnietheMoocher, Inc. says:

      Seriously, she invited Mega to be her personal photographer.

    • It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

      Meghannaise was able to point
      AND click, +, she wore OMFG PINK!

      Best. Date. EVER.

  6. scammy wow says:

    Wow, I’m not even interested enough in my own life to film it.

    • Unchill Vibes says:

      This! But maybe it’s the reverse. I am too interested in living to stop and take photos of every damn thing i do / see. Why leave the moment to document it?

      Her addiction to photographing herself/everything is a real sickness and she truly does need help for it.

      But she isn’t the only one, maybe just the loudest one? Gah.

      • scammy wow says:

        You’re right. I remember seeing some show (Dateline or 20/20) about a man who documented in writing everything he ever did. I always thought it was a conundrum: how can you do anything if you’re so busy writing. Are you writing, “I wrote today.” Then, “I wrote today about writing.” Where does it end???

      • Helena says:

        You both make great points about this pathological “meta-living” she has instead of a real life.

  7. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    The Vimeo froze and I couldn’t resist a screengrab of Dadster:

  8. shamoolia says:

    This constant stream of intimate videos, photos, tagged PUBLIC FB photos, etc. is interesting from someone who says on their wiki page:

    “My birth name is Julia Allison Baugher, but I would greatly appreciate if my former last name was kept off of my wikipedia. I dropped it after college (five years ago), for a reason – to give my family privacy. They didn’t ask for the attention, and it’s not fair to them. It also isn’t my name anymore. I can’t help that it’s out there, but wikipedia is the first source many turn to, and I would appreciate if it were not easily accessible”

    • Unchill Vibes says:

      One word, plagiarism. Point final. It has nothing to do with ‘privacy.’

      And don’t forget her coming out as a lover 4chan and anonymity on the internet, chasing the coattails of Gawker’s latest project du jour.

      What a transparent little nitwit she is.

      • MinnietheMoocher, Inc. says:

        True. Also, Bogger is such an ugly name and Allison is so tiny and cute! Or something. She changed her name because she didn’t like her name. No big, people do it all the time. No one would care if she didn’t keep talking about it.

    • Jacy says:

      “They didn’t ask for the attention”

      No, they didn’t, you ridiculous hypocritical sociopath.

      • Unchill Vibes says:

        But they have 5 pages of her life cast dedicated to giving away every detail about their lives, including home address.

    • Truly Insecure says:

      Question: did she legally change her name to Julia Allison? Or is it her stage name?

      • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

        Not sure if it’s legal, but she thinks it’s such an amazeballz idea she also counseled Land O’ Lakes girl to drop the ‘Parikh’ from her moniker.

      • The Freeloading Musketeers says:

        I always assumed la Donk got Meghan to change it so she sounded less “ethnic.”

      • LLFOOLJ says:

        Stage, as Julie Albertson Burger is a celebrity. Allison is the middle name and it’s not so much a legal change as legalese. SHE “dropped it” and it’s “no longer her name”, thanks to that damn plagiarism thing, eye-opening mediabistro expose and WaPo grapefruit scandal trailing her as Baugher – it’s about privacy for her family, after all. Julie Albertson Burger always tells the truth except when she lies, which oddly enough seems to occur every time she speaks.

      • Eight Dollar Grapefruit says:

        The grapefruit thing really got the ball rolling for JABa. It was the beginning of all that came later…..

    • New Yorker says:

      Wait, is her last name actually pronounced to rhyme with Bogger? For all this time I thought that was a thing people said here to make fun of her. I always guessed it would rhyme with “Bower.”

      • fuck camping! says:

        so i’ve never actually heard someone pronounce it, except loren feldman in his videos, and he says “bower” (bauer), but in my mind i always thought it was “bogger”.

    • LLFOOLJ says:

      I. don’t. even. Is cake kissing the new cake licking? Flower girl was all smiley due to the presence of Allie. Then “this bish” and what I am choosing to interpret as a shank-eye towards the overly made up one. Poor child, being exposed to a waxy face at such close range. 🙁

      • It's Trajectory says:

        There’s no way I’d eat cake that has had dirty pelts hanging so close to it. Vom in the confessional.

    • Stalker is the new Empurpled Fat ♪ ♫ says:

      HOLY CRAZY CATS. The last one.

      • FaFail Waldorf says:

        Yeah. I couldn’t even make it to the shower in time, had to vom all over my desk.

    • Julia's Fat Ass says:

      ZOMG. The shoes one. The shoes one.

      She’s so fucking demented.

      • Darling Peltskank says:

        Seriously! Who does this??? And was this picture taken before or after people sat down at that very people to eat?

      • Princess WideStance says:


      • Julia's Fat Ass says:


        SATC ended years ago you fucking idiot.

      • fuck camping! says:

        and the shoes weren’t even visible under the dress. guess that’s why she needed to show them off another way.

      • MinnietheMoocher, Inc. says:

        Hey, she screwed some random guy to get those shoes. Damn straight she’s going to make sure everyone knows they’re real Manolos.

    • Ba Donka DONK says:

      Those are a whole mess of crazy, but the first one made me laugh the hardest. That bish made her own fake version of the classic wedding photo “program, bouquet and rings” with her stupid shoes (omg, they ARE TOO real Monolos, cat ladiez!) on a reception table! She shot it on her effing phone! That is so so so so crazy to me.

      • Stalker is the new Empurpled Fat ♪ ♫ says:

        YOU GUYS. When I came back from my PROM I put the program and the flowers and the dress on my bed and ARTfully arranged them and took a photo because, YOU GUYS I AM CREATIVE! I still have that photo in my ~senior book~.

    • The Freeloading Musketeers says:

      Oh I love the photo with accessories and the program. She’s aping standard wedding photographer set-up, but you know, done with the bride’s accessories. Because, dear dumb Julia, usually the bride wears special, meaningful jewelry or shoes, and it’s nice to have that documented. I’ve got a series of them from my wedding photographer. But you just wanted to highlight the Manolos. Like anyone gives a fuck about what you were wearing.

    • The Freeloading Musketeers says:

      I’m dying over here. She tagged the shoe photo with Manolo Blahnik and Rodrigo Otazu, although that has me slightly confused because I though her necklace was that Rajanananawhatever person?

    • Jacy says:

      HOLY SHIT re: the cake-kissing.

      How does that conversation go?

      “Come on, Momsers, let’s pretend to be kissing the cake!!”

      “Really, darling? Kissing the cake?”

      “Yes, come on, let’s do it! It’ll be our special thing! Do it! I SAID DO IT!!! I WILL CRY!!! DO IT!”

      “Oh, don’t cry, darling. It’s Britt’s wedding.”


      Also, what the FUCK with the Manolos on the table? For fuck’s sake, what a label whore. Who gives a shit, you stupid donkey?

    • Dr. Gary says:

      Air kissing THE WEDDING CAKE? And it’s not YOUR wedding cake? No. Words.

      The last pic – Jesus. Britt and Allie look SO uncomfortable. Seeing this really makes me think Julie has some form of Asperger’s Syndrome.

    • dd says:

      In the last photo you can barely see Allie! Julia is taking over the whole picture. I guess that’s ok, Allie is only the bride.

      Seriously Julia? you really need to be the center of attention at your brother’s wedding? You can’t let the bride have her day? What do you think will happen to you if you are not the focus of every picture? Even during someone else’s wedding you can’t pull back. This is why you are not invited to weddings in general. And this is why you get dumped all of the time.

      • flotsam says:

        Julia’s head is moving across Allie’s like a lunatic eclipse, it’s kind of amazing.

      • It's Always Shitty in Donkadelphia says:

        As a screen name, I think:
        Lunatic Eclipse of Julia’s Head
        would be fucking awesome.

    • Julia's Fat Ass says:

      Also, her mother needs to stop enabling her with those stupid fucking poses. My mother is an individual with a life and some sass as well as a very sensitive bullshit detector and if I told her to pose like a complete moron all the time she’d be like bitch please. I’m beginning to think there is somethign special about Momsers.

      • Stalker is the new Empurpled Fat ♪ ♫ says:

        Momsers RAISED HER. She made sure everything matched and did her hair and taught her that she ain’t shit without a man and lets her spend money on poofy pink skirts to decorate the sterile walls of her studio apartment. She doesn’t enable her. She ACTIVELY ENCOURAGES HER.

      • Records Custodian says:

        Robin Baugher is just a creepy, creepy woman and mother.

        She is a stage mother who just can’t stop, even when her little girl is pushing 30. That is exactly what she is.

      • Jacy says:

        RC: Bang on. A stage mom who can’t stop. The whole editing of the sex column thing was a big indicator that this woman is a goddamned loon. If it’s true she ever stopped speaking to Donk, it’s likely because Donk didn’t talk her up enough in an interview or some such thing.

    • There can be no argument now that her Britt, Allie, Momsers or Dadsers ‘merely tolerate’ this behavior. This is straight up enabling.

  9. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    Oh, Julia.

    It’s been a long bleak trip, our parting of ways. I actually thought you were tolerable once and didn’t get the negativity you inspire. Hell, I even defended you inasmuch as I knew anything about you. No more.

    I think the video of Britt and Allie in the car with her asking them questions would be Freudian gold regardless of whether or not it was kept as part of the family’s private video album. But Julia–ask yourself this question–are Britt and Allie acting diffident simply because you are a deranged bimbo obviously on the verge of whatever “break” happens when “down” is no longer an option? Or is there an extra element of ewwwwwwwwww because they know damn well that you will post this tit-invertingly heinous interview to your excuse for a website and thus expose them to the ridicule of hundreds of whatever the opposite of loyal fans are?

    Thankfully Jacy and JP actually do have tact and therefor have not dog-piled on your new in-law. You should be thankful as well that they run this website and I don’t. I’m not as nice.

    I still hate Loren Feldman worse than I hate you, though. Feel free to kick his punk ass straight into the wall any old day.

    • cupcake cray cray says:

      britt and allie are so lucky, in that I think most of us here on this site feel very protective of any of those who have to navigate through dealings with the donkey on a daily basis. I’m pretty sure britt and allie could be Very Bad People, but we headstrong rbns’ers would feel very sorry for them, because, no matter how bad they are, julia is so, so, SO, SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much worse. god knows no one wants to be familially (new word? awesome!) required to invite a tactless, pelted twit to our own wedding, but britt and allie have been there, seen that, and lived to tell the tale. so we all salute them!*

      *this comment brought to you by ketel one, orangecello and real lemon lemon juice. because it’s not tuesday night if there aren’t lemon drop martinis involved!

    • Helena says:

      May I ask why you hate that Feldman guy? Mind you, I have no idea who he is; I only just stumbled upon his name last week for the first time in my life, at this site. And I couldn’t find much about him on the net. I love your comments, so I’m inclined to believe that you must have a solid reason to get your hate on.

  10. RollsRoyceRevenge says:

    I have to say that I think her family is very good-looking. And none of them seem to have used a trowel to get dressed.

    • The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby says:

      They can’t use the trowel – it’s what they’re using to dig up Julia’s hay.

  11. idiotbox says:

    why is my previous comment awaiting moderation? 🙁

  12. Truly Insecure says:

    I like how quickly she pans away from Mega to Dadsers. Mega is still talking when Julia suddenly jerks over to Dad to start asking inane questions.

  13. Julia's Fat Ass says:

    I say this as a short, pear-shaped gal who loves my own figure – she absolutely cannot pull off short dresses. Neither can I, which is why I dno’t fucking wear them.

    I’m also just wondering who the fuck she thinks would want to watch these shitty videos, besides us to make fun of her. You are not a celebrity you dingbat, no one cares where you are or what you are wearing.

    • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

      This. And I have never wanted to watch a wedding video, period. I don’t care if it’s Angelina Jolie marrying Prince Harry and it ends with the two of them fucking on the altar. I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH WEDDING VIDEOS. THEY ARE NOTORIOUSLY BORING.

      • Truly Insecure says:

        Uh, if it ends with them fucking on the alter, I’d sit through the rest of it. I just say.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        The shitty photography and legions of nervously coughing aunts in stupid hats would totally kill the horny for me.

      • I think Prince Harry is hot too.

      • Julia's Fat Ass says:

        For real yo. I had to watch my own brother’s, which I saw already because I WAS THERE IN PERSON, and EVERYONE in my family secretly avoided him for weeks because no one wanted to watch it. Because WE ARE NORMAL.

        If I barely want to sit through a ceremony I actually attended for someone I love, you can bet for shit sure that I don’t fucking wanna see JA drone on about her darling little brother’s nuptuals. IT”S OVER, MOVE THE FUCK ON NO ONE CARES GAH!!!!!!

      • bf says:

        I’d buy the popcorn for Prince Ginger and Santa Angelina doing it on the altar stairs…. totes

      • FaFail Waldorf says:

        No, I would definitely suffer a wedding ceremony to see that. Absolutely.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:


        Just imagine Julia giving the video a voice-over.

        “And here’s where li’l Prince Harry comes his brains out…awwww…I’m tearing up….”

      • Jacy says:

        Prince Harry is smoking hot.

      • The Freeloading Musketeers says:

        Yeah, all those years when William was the dreamy one, and Harry looked like he would turn out looking like his dad, and now look who the hot one is.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        Prince Hot Ginge (tm

      • Jacy says:

        I thought he was an adorable little boy, very Christopher Robin-ish. I knew he was going to turn out to be a ginger Adonis.

  14. Donksers says:

    That’s not even a Hello Kitty purse. That’s Hello Kitty luggage. I cannot imagine any man (unless it’s a repulsive man) wanting to have a relationship with Julia Allison, even if it’s just for sex. She’s SO GROSS.

    • I’m offended at associating the precious Hello Kitty with the donkey.

      • RollsRoyceRevenge says:

        Perhaps it should be “Goodbye Pussy” because considering the boner-kill I imagine it engenders, she may as well wave a final farewell at her crotch.

    • Eight Dollar Grapefruit says:

      judging from her fb and twitter, the only men who lust after julia are a) fucking with her, e.g. euan rellie b) middle eastern/south asian purchased facebook “friends” or c) 45 yr old divorced accountants with kids living in the midwest or south

  15. shamoolia says:

    “My dad went to the Pancake House this morning & picked up 49er flapjacks to wish everyone goodbye! I’m leaving for New York today, and Allie & Britt are off to their two week honeymoon in Paris!”

    This was just posted to her blog along with a picture of a table set for four. Who got left out? Poor old gramps? Julia? The happy honeymooning couple? Leaving for New York = flying back to the pink padded cell alone for more post wedding meltdown. No more living vicariously through the brother – time to pack up the dorm room and flail around some more! But trying to make the send off about her was a nice try and really kind of made me feel sad for her.

    • ShesJustStupid says:

      She’s pathetic. Like she’s part of some big send off when she’s home every other month. The breakfast was for your brother, donks. You attended.

    • Julia's Fat Ass says:

      Yeah, she needs to fucking get sent off in style, because she ony sees her parents once every two weeks.

      Fuck you!

    • Riiiiiiight..... says:

      I know how snarky this will come off, but I loathe all Baughers for their inability to press their donkey family member into inpatient mental health care and/or restrict her INSANE behavior at the wedding, but…

      Hope Britt and Allie enjoy their first few days in Paris because it’s all going to come to a screeching halt over the weekend. MUCH of Paris closes up in August. Seriously dumb time to spend 2 weeks there. They’d be wise to head south and enjoy Provence and the coast. I just bray

      • Eight Dollar Grapefruit says:

        its doubtful they’re spending the full 2 weeks in paris. more likely, a week in paris and a week somewhere else. or a few days in paris and 10 days on the mediterranean. something like that.

    • “…their two week honeymoon in Paris!” What a bitter, bitter gall for poor Donkey to swallow, because you know, once (only once!) she was taken* to Paris.

      *like a piece of luggage, I guess

  16. partypants says:

    OMG Julia the wedding was like 3 days ago. Stop pretending to be a bride! Nobody cares anymore!

  17. madame tussaud says:

    Little brother & sister-in-law driving me to the airport for my flight home to New York. 🙁 Goodbye Chicago! I’ll be back in August. about 1 hour ago via Echofon

    Back in August? Like permanently? Is it OMGDOWNTOWNCONDO time?? Also, WTF? August is a week away, so enough with the frowny face. This bitch sees her parents more often than I see my own and I only live 40 minutes away from my mom and dad.

    Between this and her downright disturbing behavior at Brit and Allie’s wedding, she’s giving me bad case of the ragies this afternoon. FUCK YOU, JULIA.

    • Eight Dollar Grapefruit says:

      maybe she is coming back for the komen walk? that is sometime in august, like the 2nd weekend in august.

    • FaFail Waldorf says:

      LOL @ the sadface goodbye and “I’ll be back in August.” Okay, Julie. See you like tomorrow. Wtf.

    • The_Manta says:

      August is four freaking days away

    • Julia's Fat Ass says:

      ZOMG GOODBYE! Goodbye!!!! I’ll be back in two weeks! Au revoir! Hasta luego! I’ll miss you! See ya! Buh bye! Hello?! Is anyone listening? HELLO?!??????? Wait, i’m not gone yet…okay, you’re watching now?? Goodbye! No for real this time, bye!!!!!! I’ll miss you please miss me!!!!!! i’m gone now!!!!!!!

      I hate her ass.

  18. Donksers says:

    The “little brother” crap is so annoying. She’s been talking about him non-stop for weeks, and I’ve never seen one instance where she’s done the adult thing and called him “my brother.” I wonder if it ever registers in her pea-sized brain that, although both Britt and Allie are younger than she is, they’re light years ahead of her in personal development. And they don’t ride around on bikes named Cupcake.

    • braytarded says:

      It’s part of her creepy “look at me, im a widdle girl” Baby Jane shtick – the obsession with froofy dresses and pink and glitter, the horrid skirt-lift pose that is only appropriate for 5 year olds at piano recitals, the stuffing her face with sweets, etc.

      • Helena says:

        Yeah, that’s the vibe I’m getting as well. So it’s no wonder that she has to constantly refer to this adult, tall, accomplished and now married guy working on his PhD as if he was a helpless toddler looking up admiringly at his “big” yet so OMG tiny and cute sister.

    • cupcake cray cray says:

      thank god he’s not her older brother, or we’d be treated to stories of “when I was little britt was my hero, there’s nothing like the way an older brother protects his little sister” and various other fake sentiments.

      my brother is three years older than me. the ONLY time that I call him ‘my OLDER brother’ is when I’m teasing him because he’s in his 30s and I’m still in my 20s. and I haven’t called him ‘my big brother’ since I was about 8. this ‘the little brother’ shit over and over and over and over and over and over again is SO FUCKING GRATING.

      but keep using it, julia, since it’s the only thing you’ve got over britt, and that’s not even something you had anything to do with, it’s just an accident of genetics. you keep condescending to your little brother, and he’ll be laughing all the way back to his life in boston, as he completes his fucking PhD in PHYSICS (do you have ANY IDEA how much smarter than you he is?) at motherfucking MIT, spends his free time with the great friends who were happy to travel to chicago to stand up for him at his wedding, and, every night before he goes to sleep, wraps his arms around his tiny, cute, sweet, GORGEOUS, pelts-less, botox-less, YOUNG WIFE, who is free to take a photo from any angle because she doesn’t have a right side that looks like something gollum threw up.

      • cupcake cray cray says:

        err, left side, sorry. though, post-botox, her treasured right side is also looking like gollum-puke.

      • Dr. Gary says:

        This was awesome.

        But this:

        “because she doesn’t have a right side that looks like something gollum threw up”

        …gave me my first LOLLIES of the day.

      • shamoolia says:

        looks like something gollum threw up

        Oh my god you people are funny.

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