Julia Allison, of the emasculating Allisons, didn’t watch the Oscars because she can’t afford cable. Which is weird, since the Oscars weren’t on cable, but whatever.
I would watch the Oscars, but I don’t have a television with cable. I guess I’m stuck with replays on … Hulu? Will they have those??
She did watch clips online. And cried. Yes, cried.
I cried (of course I cried). Now THAT is an acceptance speech. (Sandra Bullock’s moving Best Actress award: http://tinyurl.com/y856k8j)
God, quit being such a GIRL!
And of course, she had opinions about the clothes, like Jordan. And just like Jordan, her opinion sucked. I mean, come on. She liked this:
All the fashion critics hated this.
I, of course, loved it. (Except maybe the bodice. But the bottom bit is so freaking awesome I forgive the top.) It’s creative and whimsical and colorful and – more than anything – FUN! Which is really what dressing up should be, don’t you think?
BRING ON THE PURPLE POOFS, GIRL!
OK, you stupid bitch — may I call you “stupid bitch,” Julia — you are off your nutter. That dress is horrendous, and if I were to give it a compliment, I would say the only redeeming thing about the dress is the top, not the bottom, which. . . gah! It looks like Prince’s shower poof collection. And I love “Controversy” as much as the next person — actually, I love it a lot — but Jesus Christ!
Somewhere in Houston, Mary is having her morning Kale juice and Ketel One and laughing her ass off because she is the better person here. And Mary fucking sucks.