World's Oldest 7 Year Olds Celebrate In Style

1. Matching outfits for you and your sister’s bday party – only ‘preppy’ if you are 6.

2. Neither of them is 6.

3. Chat room is open.

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75 Responses to World's Oldest 7 Year Olds Celebrate In Style

  1. Grimace says:

    Those dresses are in no way preppy. They couldn’t even get the costume for their own party right? Retards.

  2. Eggnog DeepDish says:

    Those dresses aren’t even good enough for a high-school production of Oklahoma.

    • Horrifyingballerina says:

      the high school where i teach is about to mount oklahoma. i’ll let you know if the costumes are better than these monstrosities. something tells me they will be.

  3. cupcakes n beer diet 4 evar says:

    As for the dresses…

    For Julia, she’ll give anything for a BJ…

    even if that BJ is Betsey Johnson

  4. bitchface says:

    Julia looks better than Randi (as difficult as that is to write) so why would Randi agree to wear matching outfits?
    and, those dresses must smell by now

  5. melissa sue says:

    those dresses are INSANE. i think they’re actually wearing HOOPS under there. it’s too delish.

  6. twankle toes says:

    Omg omg omg. Awesome! Dying. Have a great night kids.

  7. Russian Girl says:

    I feel sorry for Randi. I did not know she had the retardashe.

  8. Birthbray Princess says:

    I had that dress when I was 8. No, really:

    http://i45.tinypic.com/312wqwg.jpg

  9. Ba Donka DONK says:

    Two things:
    1. Chat room link no worky for me 🙁
    2. Are they wearing lucite heals adorned with tin-foil bows????

  10. holy fucking shit dude.

  11. DirtyLakeMichigan says:

    Nooooooooooooo…

  12. SunflowerSeed says:

    They look like one of those Mexican dolls that are also lamps.

  13. Eeyore Milne says:

    “Where bon bons play / On the sunny side of peppermint bay . . . “

  14. reformed says:

    FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU

    I am filled with such intense hate and rage right now. “They’ve been coming to my birthday parties for decades” THERE IS SO MUCH FUCKING WRONG WITH THAT JULIA. SO FUCKING MUCH.

    You are NOT p diddy for fucks sake, no one CARES that you are turning 29. If you insist on having these ~blowouts~ have them every five years, or on major markers. 29 is completely insigfuckingnificant.

    I know you read here you stupid Donkey, so read this: you want to know the REAL reason why RBNS matched your blowout person for person in the chat last night? It’s because the same way Sex and the City appeals to women because those four ladies reflect a heightened part of themselves (slut, good girl, cynical bitch, and nutcase), you reflect EVERY single personality flaw that we have within us, except instead of just reflecting one thing or another (narcissism, bitchiness) you are an ENTIRE PERSON made up of ONLY those things. AND I AM SO FUCKING MYSTIFIED BY THAT. How did that happen? How are you such a clusterfuck of bad person? How is it, Donkey, that you are find time to be all bad things? You’re mean, immature, narcissistic, impatient, lazy, unintelligent, ugly, without a single redeeming quality. HOW FUCK DOES THAT HAPPEN?

    I have been rooting for you in the back of my mind since the beginning. Before I realized what a tool you are, I thought you were fun and spunky and just living your life and having a gas. But you are NOT. You laugh at yourself so you can claim you laughed first. You’re not having a gas, you’re absolutely miserable. You stay up until 5am in a zombie state so you can numb yourself out of reality and have an excuse to sleep all day, which means your only waking hours don’t involve actual humans. There is not a thing about you that is authentic and for SOME reason, you are terrified of turning off the lights. It’s Kate Gosselin syndrome, you turned this shit show on but you are petrified of turning it off. Here’s a little piece of advice, GET A FUCKING LIVEJOURNAL, TURN IT ON FRIENDS ONLY, AND DOCUMENT YOUR LIFE FOR THE ONLY PERSON WHO CARES (YOU). Turn the show OFF. It’s February 27th and Kate Gosselin has sunk back into obscurity in the two months since she shut her fucking trap, you could do that too.

    Until that magical day arrives, we will continue to flock here and point and laugh at the person who is a total embodiment of our collective flaws, but who is completely obtuse and unaware and refuses to actually do a thing about it… and then FAILS at the one and only thing they are supposed to be doing with their time.

    How fuck, indeed.

    • reformed says:

      i’m sorry, i know there are a million and one typos but spell check has never really gotten along with overwhelming rage.

    • Grimace says:

      Sheryl Spencer is that you?

      That was beautiful. Seconded on all points.

    • Tess McGill's Corner Office says:

      reformed, this is brilliant.

      And those dresses are so horriffic. I’m sorry but they’re so bad I can’t even think of anything funny to write about them. They have taken the snark right out of me. Donkey really does ruin everything.

    • Eeyore Milne says:

      Now this I like. A lot.

    • Donkey+Lasagna=Secret Love says:

      THEORY ALERT

      Dadsers is in San Fran bc the little ladies need to answer to Poppa Parikh about where all of the money has gone…

      thoughts??

      • Dyspeptic2 says:

        very well could be. A summit meeting on Sunday? Perhaps why Jordansky is all nerves and so forth? Come to Jesus time?

      • Donkey+Lasagna=Secret Love says:

        exactly, dyspeptic. she has to play along with the cons that these girls are used to playingon their daddies. the mutually accepted delusion they’ve all grown accustomed to. and it sickens her. but she has this new platform where all of these people follow her, it’s seductive, the fame she’s always craved, what will she do?

    • Pink Ruffled Cheese says:

      180

    • Julia's Fat Ass says:

      Yes.

    • Carrie Bradshaw Waldorf Charlotte Tinsley McCain says:

      “How did that happen?”

      That’s what I’m sticking around to find out. The fact that the commenters here won the intarwibs is icing on the cupcake.

  15. Mini Driver says:

    Observe: Julia’s fingertips hit the skirt at the second-to-last tier from the bottom. She is not bunching or lifting the dress. Okay, look at the picture again, starting from her feet, and raise your eyes to where that tier hits her leg. It’s about at her calf, right? IT’S LIKE A ESCHER, MY BRAIN CANNOT MAKE SENSE OF IT. Are they four feet tall? Is the photographer standing on a box?

    • Dyspeptic2 says:

      They represent the Lollipop Guild.

    • Mini Driver says:

      After looking at the rest of the fifteen brazillion photos taken within the same ten-minute period, this one was, the proportions become comprehensible. The birthday girls’ (shod in spike heels) feet are on the velvet bench of a banquette, and their derrieres are perched on the back of it. Ergo, under the skirts their legs are slightly bent, creating the illusion of foreshortening.

      Sidle out. Willows, you take over from here. I’ll be at home lighting a candle for Warrick.

  16. reformed says:

    Oh, and my criticism of the party itself (dearest interns, please read):
    ONE theme. Not a clusterfuck theme. 80s prepster pink and white = THREE themes. Chose one, 80s, prepster, or pink and white. Welcome to marketing 101 (and I’m a fucking English major)

  17. alex says:

    What the hell, I was just kicked out of the chat when someone accused me of being someone I’d never even heard of! I didn’t do anything inappropriate, so annoying. What kind of tyranny is this! Jeez.

    • Mini Driver says:

      Your right to participate in GOMI’s Le Chat Room is guaranteed by the Eleventeenth Amendment! Quick, call the ACLU and sobbingly report this egregious violation.

  18. Friend of Julia's HS Debate Partner says:

    Is it an 1880s party? These wenches are fucking hideous. Who would choose to look this ugly at their birthday party? Also… Randi’s arms must be really fat unless Julia airbrushed her own. Sorry Randi. You might be very nice but your family needs to have an intervention w/ you b/c you’re acting like you’re on Sally Jesse Raphael or some show about how you were a loser in hs but “look at me now” I have/bought friends. Also.. has anyone noticed that Julia’s “gang” is composed of mostly ppl she met within the past yr or maybe 2 and who work w/her? So sad.

    • Mini Driver says:

      RE: Randi’s arms:

      In many of the shots from that evening, you can see evidence of pincushion distortion, which is the result of using a a lens with an incorrect focal length, or using bad judgment in camera-to-subject distance. You can see an even better example of the phenomenon in the first image on this later post, where the outer edges of Jordan and Julia’s faces appear to be pulled like taffy. It’s a pretty amateurish mistake, which makes me think that the photog was inexperienced and probably working for free to get more practice.

      Well, lots of things make me think the photog was working for free, such as NS’s aversion to paying market price for anything.

  19. rld says:

    Last night I watched Zach and Mira Make a Porno on cable. The best line of the movie had me yelling “donkey!” – when describing a 28 year old in a betsy johnson style prom dress a character said “in LA we call that Nickalodeon Chic”. Infantile.

  20. Pink Ruffled Cheese says:

    ARGH. HOW DOES SHE NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT “PREPPY” MEANS?!

    • Donkey+Lasagna=Secret Love says:

      I believe she means to say WASPy 50’s housewife because it is something she seeks but will never be, but can’t say it bc she’s half and Randi’s full Jew, so instead they cling to preppy. Her dream in life would be to be the most popular girl in high school in 1955, then on to radcliffe with a cadre of beaus asking her to wear their fraternity pins. She wants to live Grandmother’s life, but never will, because she does not have a modicum of class in her braying, tacky, bargain basement botulized body.

  21. Julia's Fat Ass says:

    Oh. My fucking god.

  22. Expert Gay says:

    OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS INSANE I ACTUALLY BURST OUT LAUGHING AND IT SOUNDED DISTURBINGLY LIKE BRAYING

    My friend and her sister both grew up in an Alabama town that has coming-out parties en masse for its most promising high-school seniors, and the girls all dress like this. It is a little weird even on teenagers, but I don’t judge.

    Julia and Randi, though? Not teenagers. Not from Alabama. I will judge the shit out of them.

    Carry on, folks.

  23. shellyshell says:

    Did anyone catch the funny Gawker comment with the picture of the twins from “The Shinning”?

  24. FaFail Waldorf says:

    What, no parasols? For shame.

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