Let the Birthcray Commence!

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Enjoy barreling closer and closer to your expiration date, you dumb, stupid donkey!

83 COMMENTS

  1. This cake is not good enough. Everyone who’s anyone (old enough to matter) knows that Julia Allison’s favorite color is OMFG!!! PINK!!!

  2. Wow, the baker got her veneers just right!

    I’ve been looking back at BBB ’09 posts, and I was struck by how much HAPPIER the Donkey pretended to be last year — I’m talking deliriously, repulsively happy. This year, she’s barely making an effort, compared to these old tweets:

    # I am so happy right now. … Uh … I guess I should pack. HAHAH

    # I’m sitting in front of my laptop wearing only an aqua blue tutu, too excited to pack. MEEP! This is what a glass of champagne does to me.

    # @MeghanAsha – car will be at my place at 8 am to pick us up for SAN FRAN! God, life doesn’t get any better than this.

    # well, wow. oh, wow. wow. just, wow. mmm. yay! grin.

    # ONLY 48 HOURS LEFT AS A 27-YEAR-OLD.

    I think last year she was gettin’ some on a regular basis (Booty Call?) Prom King hasn’t gotten her to “grin” yet, has he?

    • Not sad at all. I was invited to the brayfest (FFS why I have no idea) and am not going to San Francisco. I will be in the chat room with franzia, pizza, chocolate, and cats.

    • I feel a little guilty about being on RBNS at 8:30 on a Friday night, but that’s only because Mr. Whiskerface and I both got home from work early, drank a bottle of wine for dinner, did it with our socks still on, and now he’s snoring next to me and I’m still awake…and drunk.

    • I have a nightmarish stomach virus and am stuck in DC (I anticipate being That Sick Person on the plane home tomorrow), so I don’t have any plans beyond nibbling saltines and reading RBNS. Love you all.

  3. 9:00 is such a weird start time for a party. It’s during dinner time and all they’re serving are measly cupcakes? I bet no one shows up. Who’s going to trek in the snow for such a pathetic spread.

    • I enjoy that Megan is not in costume. And Jordan doesn’t know what preppy means. And that Kendrick actually looks pretty cute.

      • I think Meghan’s and Jordan’s outfits say, “I’ll be damned if I’m going to shell out cash for some stupid pink preppy outfit that I will totally never wear again.”

      • Surely she doesn’t have her own album(s) there, so if this is the one she made for him, it seems that Kendrick’s only interest in it would be to see pics of his wife in St Barth’s ~ just speculating.

      • Seriously. White fucking pants? A Christmas sweater? I don’t care if he’s dressing up to humor her – his style is atrocious. WHY DOES HE OWN WHITE PANTS? And if he bought they just for this – wow. PK has no balls. I think I’ve mentioned that already. Seriously, lacking a sack.

      • You’re talking about a guy who bought an entire Christmas tree just so he could serve egg nog to Julia in his apartment. Of course he purchased white pants just for the Preppy Pink and White shindig.

      • I think it’s navy, not black. But regardless, clearly, this clueless crew doesn’t seem to have a handle on what preppy style actually means. I think whatever the crotch-grabbing guy is wearing is probably his normal attire. Not costume. Jordan clearly thinks “preppy’ means ”80s” so she’s doing her Molly Ringwald schtick. Again, sans clue.

      • Shit. The birfday venue is just a few blocks from my apartment. I’d head over there and snap a photo or eight of Prom King but Mr. Whiskers and I haven’t seen each other all week and, you know….

        ALSO: it’s DISGUSTING OUTSIDE. Just think of the usual poor attendance at these birthday bashes and divide by ten.

    • Just do it! It’s honestly not that bad out in Manhattan. Even the sidewalks in Brooklyn are clear. Just wear boots!

  4. I would like to point out that I went to last year’s SF soiree just because I wanted to see what she was like. They are having it at the same, tired location again this year. Rosewood is a bar in Chinatown that allows you to rent out the back of it “privately” for free. You pay nothing – there is no door man for the private portion of the party and anyone can walk back there. They keep the main bar open. I imagine it will be the same this year too. Furthermore, I recall walking in and my friend remarked to me as she saw Julia and Randi on a couch for a “photo shoot” in their matching dresses – “how funny, they are going to post these photos and everyone’s going to think this party was cool and well attended..sad.”

    • Isn’t Randi worth like seventy-five bajillion dollars and fifty-three cents? Why is all their party stuff slapped together so cheaply and shoddily? Why doesn’t she have her own, nice party? So many questions. So little Franzia.

      • Randi’s BROTHER is worth that much. Randi herself, not so much. She couldn’t get a job elsewhere so her brother gave her a fake job.

  5. “At dinner w Prom King, @RandiZuckerberg, her parents, my parents, my brother, his fiancé Allie, @Meghan, @rbillow, @JordanBerkow & Kendrick.”

    So. TWO sets of parents are going to jointly witness their progeny dressed like teen-age prom sluts and are going to be okay with it?

    BTWs? The “sherri hill confection” she wanted to wear but couldn’t get? It’s under their “sweet 16 party dress” section.

    • Jordan Isitfree Berkow: “I felt really bad about going for yet another free meal. But I’ve only been out to dinner four times this week and I wouldn’t normally be able to do this on a Friday too, so Kendrick and I snapped up the opportunity and will be taking doggie bags. For us, not the kids.”

      Jordan Isitfree Berkow
      Domestic Grift Done Differently

    • seriously there is something so fucking fucked up about this. Why are THE ZUCKERBERGS having dinner with their daughter and her schill friend, where is Randi’s husband, and I mean it’s the mother & father of the world’s youngest billionaire. I DON”T GET IT.

    • It’s amazing to me women who are nearly 30 make this much of a big deal about their birthdays. And not just one year, but EVERY YEAR. If you celebrate your bday after you turn 16 with such shenanigans, ugh…I mean seriously this girl sees her parents more than I do and mine live 20 minutes away. Grow the fuck up. Brother Britt flew in for this shit???

    • “At dinner w Prom King, @RandiZuckerberg, her parents, my parents, my brother, his fiancé Allie, @Meghan, @rbillow, @JordanBerkow & Kendrick.”

      In other words, the Bray-dy Bunch.

  6. Julia is a cunt. I’m here and all she is doing is primp in the mirror and pose for pics. She’s been hugging up on Charles Forman – why is he here?!

    Momsers is DERANGED. “Julia works SO HARD! it looks fun but she never stops working!!” They really do buy her bullshit!

    • I don’t know. I’m swept up in conversation with someone who is actually quite nice (dying to make a Velveeta reference!).

  7. from twitter:

    lindsaykap : Julia Allison’s birthday party. Pinker and smaller than expected. That’s what she said. (@ The Gates w/ @blakeley @simplychicpr @nmcglynn)

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