UPDATED: Bray, Though I Walk Through the Shadow of Donkey

last-supper-in-cols

God, you people are so! Blessed! With Talent! Some of these submissions had titles, which makes them, like, art!

Here are your Bible Julia submissions:

From Arl, who gets points for utilizing one of my favorite sculptures, which is magnificent in person, I just say:

ecstacy

From Squirrelbait, who deifies Denton:

Creation of a Fameball

Creation of a Fameball

From Princess Widestance:

Are You There God

From someone, I’m not sure who (sorry!)

And God Created Donkey

And God Created Donkey

From Don’t be a Cupcake ~ Eat a Hater:

Donkey God

From Ranjit Ramajamapoontang:

JuliaAndFriend

From Good Thoughts, again, points for Bernini:

ecstasy of st. donkey

From Auntie Meme:

samson-and-donkey

From Bitchface:

jesus_brb

From Julia Jane:

angelico_orvieto_christ_julia

From Odoya (?):

Nathan_Martha_and_Mary and Julie

From Fauxga Party:

try1

From Driveby Commenter, Who Wins:

nativity_OBO

From For Sale, Julia’s Brain, Never Used, who also wins:

shillvelations

And finally a couple from me, Julia’s Publicist:

Julia and the Whale

These creations make me want to put on my sluttiest outfit and go to church. God bless you all.

UPDATE: A last minute addition from the always lovely Fashion Girl:

Jesus-Christ2

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83 Responses to UPDATED: Bray, Though I Walk Through the Shadow of Donkey

  1. Judge Julia says:

    Driveby Commenter…. i actually don’t know what to say.
    I might have to name my next cat after you.

    • Judge Julia says:

      on second thought, my next 10 cats will be named after all of you.
      these were awesome!

    • Squirrelbait says:

      We must! We must! We must increase our bust!

      Thanks, Princess W, I’ll have this stuck in my head ALL DAY 😉

      • Squirrelbait says:

        Uh, don’t know how my comment ended up as a reply up here — that’s what happens when you laugh and type at the same time, I guess.

    • diluted brain says:

      I am loving the last supper one

    • Normal Healthy Julia That I Am Today says:

      Driveby, That. Is. Extraordinary. You are literally the first human being to win this contest. You deserve to make fuck-you money as a performance artist, you’re tiny and cute, you’ve got great stems, you’re like sister, you’re obscenely talented…

  2. The Freeloading Musketeers says:

    Squirrelbait’s “Creation of a Fameball” is a masterpiece. But they were all literally amazing and ineffable.

    • Snorting Caviar in Aspen says:

      TOO FUNNY!

      This has been well worth the wait this morning. I don’t know how you guys narrowed it down to just ONE winner ~ these are great!

      (from the artist formerly known as:
      “Be a Cupcake ~ Eat a Hater”)

  3. Bunsy says:

    It is Friday. I am on deadline (and will be all weekend).

    THANK YOU for making me laugh — your creativity astounds.

    (Still, the snow IS pretty…)

  4. bitchface says:

    all going to hell…..

    • bitchface says:

      it’s the little things you all did that keep cracking me up each time I re-look at them – julia’s gloved hands in @squirrel bait, Lilly on the white table in the last supper, the sausage curl yiddles, the condom earrings, the rosary on the belt, etc – you guys are awesome

    • DirtyLakeMichigan says:

      I thought the same thing through my maniacal laughing.
      Ahhhh… well.
      I’ll be waitin’ for y’all. How do you take your coffee?

    • Dyspeptic2 says:

      Wonderful stuff. A-game content. Felicitations. Happy birth-cray. And so forth.

  5. fuck camping! says:

    For Sale, Julia’s Brain, Never Used: you are so ineffably talented!
    all of these creations… SO. BLESSED.

  6. Sorry Julia, I got your invitation to the Bash but I wont be able to attend. Flights from Downunder will not arrive in time for the festivities. Wish you every success with the fundraising. So many cats – I might have to stop being vegetarian and eat a pussy or two. Cheap Air Travel

  7. "Pilot" is the new "keynote" says:

    HOLY SHIT, this is the most solid collection yet! I did big “HAAAAAAAA!” laughs several times. You guys rock!

  8. IGotzSumptinToSay says:

    Soooooo funny! I suspect even Julia would laugh at these!

  9. juliaspublicist says:

    I’m surprised no one used the picture of Jesus from Dogma, pasted Julia in the foreground with the caption, “God says, ‘sup!”

  10. Postcoital Kleenex Pelts says:

    Oh my gahhhh, you guys. I love that Platinum Seamless Pelts got a credit on Samson and the Donk. Also: Blueprint abominations! You slay me, I am slayed, I have been slayed.

  11. Pink Ruffled Cheese says:

    The image of poor little PKJesus murmuring “BRB” made me laugh out loud.

    Great job, everyone!

  12. TackyCow says:

    Too fraking funny. I look forward to being the chat room during the braying. I am with my cats fully stocked on franzia. I checked my FB for shits and giggles and was also invited to the shit. They must be spamming FB in desperation.

  13. juliaspublicist says:

    If you click on The Last Supper one you can fully appreciate its amazingness.

  14. Snorting Caviar in Aspen says:

    If I follow attribution correctly, Julia Jane’s 2nd one, w/ the ringlet pelts … I’m LMAO repeatedly at those skank coils!

  15. Driveby Commenter says:

    This theme really brought out the crazy, I’m dying!! I might wear out my laugh organ before the birthcray even begins. Fauxga Party, yours made me fall off my chair — I think it was the rosary beads hanging off her belt!

  16. AnnaPelt Is Happy at 138 says:

    I love them all; they are true works of all.

    My favorite is “Creation of a Fameball.”

    • Dyspeptic2 says:

      Especially because of Denton’s pancake crown–forgot that lovely incident–given our Lady’s fondness for pancakes. Nothing like a good working motif.

  17. fat man in a little coat says:

    Holy motherfucking shit these “artists renderings” and this site are too sweet for words. I love you all so very much and wish that I knew you in real life.

  18. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    All of these make me grin, but the Revelations/Brick Testament by For Sale Julia’s Brain is infused with a comedic madness I love.

  19. Frumplepeltskin says:

    Oh christ (HA!) these are funny. “Shills are alive” had me cackling so loud I woke my cats. This is the best site in the world.

  20. Sausage Snappers says:

    The Denton one is amazing.

  21. Eggnog DeepDish says:

    OMG I’m sitting here at my desk trying to contain my snorts and the HR lady keeps walking by and I’m probably going to get in trouble but oh! So! Worth it! All of them make me hallelujah, but I think “Creation of a Fameball” might be my doing in.

  22. Lars Von New Trier says:

    My favorite, just because it’s so elegant and simple, is the Last Supper one. And what I think is great is that the people who made those put more effort into them than JA’s put into her “business” in the past month.

  23. idiotbox says:

    this whole gallery is way fun to look at if you are a jew! seriously! try it!
    (although, i’m an atheist, but still!)

  24. Dyspeptic2 says:

    I pray ye take note of the donkey hooves splayed beneath the Last Supper table.

  25. bitchface says:

    @squirrel bait – thank you again 🙂

  26. Dyspeptic2 says:

    A handful of my prized Oregon hazelnuts to Squirrelbait!! Hell, hazelnuts all around.

  27. diluted brain says:

    my favorite is the last supper one!
    for some reason that commented above as a reply, sorry!

  28. fuck camping! says:

    rbillow tweets: @FloreatMagdalen I’ll be wearing light pink pants, a white cable-knit cardigan, & pearls. Not much of a costume but it goes w/ the theme…

    @FloreatMagdalen HA, yes but if I make the flight you’ll get tweets about Julia’s wedding–I mean birthday party!

    @FloreatMagdalen @juliaallison HA, I love how many synonyms they came up with for Former P.K. Good find, N. 🙂

  29. TackyCow says:

    The birthday braying begins

    Plus, @rbillow also flew in, her 1st flight was cancelled – but prevailed w the very last non-cancelled United flight this morning at 6am.
    39 minutes ago via Echofon
    Reply Retweet

    My entire family came in for the party! My parents flew from New York and Britt & Allie drove – in the snow – from Boston this morning. 🙂
    42 minutes ago via Echofon

    Today is the big New York kick off to my 2nd annual Bicoastal Birthday Bash with @randizuckerberg!!! Snow was not on my Wish List.
    about 1 hours ago via Echofon

    The perfect birthday brunch at Ino in the Village with my mom, brother and future sister-in-law! http://twitpic.com/15hka3
    about 1 hours ago via Echofon

    She may say she only eats fish but she will never pass up a carb you place in front of her gaping maw.

    • fuck camping! says:

      syntax error: My parents flew from New York
      chicago, does not compute.

      why wasn’t dadsers at brunch??

    • She's just stupid says:

      Why is she making such a big deal about her 29th birthday? It seems weird–with the famly stuff, etc.– even for her.

      Her birthday always reminds me of that oh-so-cute story Momsers told for the original NY Mag article about how they grounded her for her 11th birthday, or cancelled her party or something and she rode her bike to the country club and arranged a party for herself. Think about this. These parents had ceded control by the time she was ELEVEN.

    • Julia's Old Nose says:

      There has to be a term for the feeling you get when Donkey is in your neighborhood. Ino is one of my favorite spots, and now it has been RUINED for me by her Donkness. Get out of the West Village and stay in Midtown!

    • Jacy says:

      PEOPLE LIKE ME!!! THEY LIKE ME!!! THEY CAME HERE FOR MY PARTY DESPITE THE SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • She's just stupid says:

        The thing is–there isn’t THAT much snow in Manhattan. The sidewalks where I live are clear. If anyone living here uses the snow as an excuse, they’re just avoiding the party. I holding on to my fantasy that some inivited guests show up after storm-drinking for 5 hours in their best snow boots, jeans and black sweaters.

  30. Snorting Caviar in Aspen says:

    OT as all get out, geez, I just don’t get it …

    Jordan “I don’t know how to justify the decision to go bare-legged in a blizzard” Reid Berkow, Harvard graduate; business partner.

    Jordan “Vintage dress (a gift from Julia)”</i? Reid Berkow, also bare-armed in the blizzard.

    Okay. So, Julia has to be reminded by her mother to breathe & Jordan needs her mother to tell her how to dress for blizzard weather …

    & soon they’ll be in deep snow at high-altitude in Aspen? Unbelievable.

  31. Jackles H. Christ says:

    Inspired new user name! (formerly Normal Healthy Julia That I Am Today)

    OT but here’s what NonCompany alum Mary has been up to.

    From a guest post on her new “destination site”:

    “Many people in today’s society don’t believe that true love exist or is nothing more than an old wives’ tale from our forefathers. Well, I still believe that soul mates aren’t a facade at the end of the relationship tunnel.”
    http://morethanmary.com/lifestyle/inspiration/does-true-love-exist/

    I can barely believe that sentence is real. Is Asha editing this site? It’s like something from the Onion.

    And this:
    “I don’t have anything to say today.

    Is that weird?”
    http://maryrambin.tumblr.com/post/414058135

    THEN DONT WRITE ANYTHING.

    • fuck camping! says:

      “our forefathers”?!!!
      yeah, i have noticed before that the sporadic posts of “brandon, the male model” leave something to be desired. such as coherency. sigh.
      and he quotes “city of angels” at the end. cue the cheese.

      “Last year, one of my best friends, Dr. Neil, called me and asked me to be the best man at his wedding. And my response was, “to who?” ”

      Indeed, brandon, indeed.

    • Dyspeptic2 says:

      A little part of me dies when great user names like Normal Healthy Julia That I Am Today are laid to rest. Sleep in heavenly peeee–eeeeace, sleep in heavenly peace.

      • Ginger Sans Pelts says:

        I brayed.

        sigh.

      • Jackles H. Christ says:

        Yeah this might be just a contest-themed temporary user name.

        I am having a moment of impotent new-media rage. Hear me out. I clicked yesterday on Katrina Sheesh’s “magazine” pink memo. Now, yes this is way more legit that NonCompany, and really not so bad at all. Fine. And I am someone who buys fashion magazines and is sometimes paid to write about such things.

        But most online “magazines” are just so hollow and soulless, PM included. NS, aside, we are having this moment in which people are starting up all sorts of sparkly online *things* that are not just bogs, but trying and succeeding to compete with print and TV for ads. Decent design (shut up, Julia your site sucks it SO hard) is more available than ever, but now there are just thousands of online “magazines” “written” and “edited” by people so unskilled, so vacuous, and so lacking self awareness. They are seriously making Cosmo and Glamour look well-considered.

        Add Rambin’s “writers” to this mix and my head is about to explode. Rambin thinks nothing of blerging about how she needs another skinny-girl margarita after a tough day of editing (I am parsing here) and I somehow feel the need to irrevocably correct the belief that pasting content from some moron you met in a bar in CT is “editing.”

        And yet such people sit on panels, etc! Pull the brakes and turn the world around before all is ruined!

        I’m going to make myself a fat-girl margarita (oh, okay, so it’s a pan of brownies (http://smittenkitchen.com/2010/01/best-cocoa-brownies/), sit back and watch the snow in the window and the shitfest on RBNS.

      • Dyspeptic2 says:

        heh heh, you typed ‘bogs.’ Dr. Freud lives.

    • ExperienceNotComplimentary says:

      This is mary and her restaurant review:

      “Apparently our table was doomed for failure because our experience wasn’t even close to complimentary. I’ll try to summarize. To begin, the waiter served us room temperature chardonnay…twice! Jay, the manager, came over to apologize, so I told him I would be writing a review (thinking this might get them on their game). So I wasn’t surprised when LJ Wiley (the Executive Chef who worked with legends like Jean George) came out with a complimentary appetizer. But I was surprised he would choose raw aged Kobe beef to bestow on guests who ordered all fish. Either way, the cut was mediocre at best.”

      (Full Disclosure: The kobe appetizer, dessert, and warm wine was comped by the restaurant.)

      So she’s pissed she had to pay for her fish.

      BTW, anybody else catch mary telling rocco on camera that she lives in Mexico now? Then she clarified and stated she splits her time between mexico and houston. Another place, no rent.

  32. PKJesus says:

    I love you guys. These are incredible.

  33. Good Thoughts says:

    Love the highlights from Revelations, espesh. the pink shilldebeast!

    • Good Thoughts says:

      Although, JP, perhaps some might find that whale one to be Not Very Sensitive (but it certainly made me chortle).

      • juliaspublicist says:

        That was the point. It was like current events and Julia Shenanigans and Jesus all got married.

  34. Ginger Sans Pelts says:

    You people are absolutely amazing.

  35. Blueprint Abominations says:

    Cup full of blueprint abominations!!!!!
    That really got me.

  36. awkwardposer says:

    The donkey one is pure genius. Seriously. I actually guffawed out loud and woke up my napping roommate. Amaaaaaaazing.

  37. IndianaState says:

    I almost wish I wasn’t going out tonight with my tiny and cute cat friends so I could hang out and watch the craziness unfold.

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