Julia: Might As Well Jump

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76 Responses to Julia: Might As Well Jump

  1. These Ah Mah Chinz says:

    There is something wrong with this girl.

  2. Fauxga Party! says:

    I forgot about that birthday photo shoot with the LOVE statue. Who does that?!

    • Familial Hairy Time says:

      Carrie Bradshaw 2.0 does!! You gotta have love, yo. St. Louise from St. Louis told y’all that MMMM HHMMMMM yes she did and if you hold on to love you too can marry an emotionally unstable man who left you at the altar after years of jerking you around. HAPPY ENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. shamoolia says:

    I can really tell she used to be a DANCER. Great foot and hand placement. So graceful. /snort

  4. Web20Morons says:

    Those must be some strong gams to get that heft airborne. For realz.

  5. lol wut? says:

    i love you Jacy.

    • Jacy says:

      I love you for suggesting it.

      Also, who TOOK that first shot?

      “OK, I’m going to jump, and you shoot me in mid-air, OK??? Come on, it’ll be great!! Here I go!! Take a picture of me jumping in mid-air!!! Just do it!!”

      There are about a half-dozen on her FB. It is so embarrassing. Who are the legion of toolbags who enable her this way?

  6. shamoolia says:

    For anyone who doubted this manic travel was not the Julia Finds a Man to Sink Her Pink Plastic Nails Into Roadshow 2009:

    “So far I’ve determined I’m happiest in SF. Already plotting my return – possibly before Thanksgiving! We’ll see what incentives I get 😉
    20 minutes ago from Echofon”

    Incentives = ?????

    • Jacy says:

      Grimace totally called that one, before she was even on the ground in SF. Nice call, Grimace!

    • Peltskatarian Yard Mule says:

      I wonder what Jumpin’ Jackles Flesh measures on the Richter scale in SF?

    • sanfranciscotreat says:

      I wonder when she talks about loving and being comfortable in SF if Julia really does mean SF. Or is she actually referring to Palo Alto and Silicon Valley, which seem to be where she stays and spends most of her time on her visits. I just don’t see her as being much of a San Franciso type. Maybe kind of like how she equates whatever suburb she’s from with Chicago she sees all of the bay area as being San Francisco, even though SF obviously has very different demographics, characteristics, size, and vibe from Palo Alto and surrounding areas.

      • Unfortunate Face says:

        Indeed. Palo Alto and the Valley suck. So it’s really no wonder she feels comfers-cozers there. She would not make it in SF.

    • partypants says:

      Incentives = “Kevin Rose asking me to move out here/in with him”

  7. Feria says:

    Well, at least her outfit in the first photo is age appropriate.

    • juliaspublicist says:

      Really? I think she looks like she’s trying to be a “cool” mom.

      • shamoolia says:

        Yeah. I’m not sure business wear is really what one wears to business school. I think she was confused. It looks like her “business” costume. And she totally looks like a mom visiting their kid on campus.

      • anonymous says:

        The only people I know who show up to class in business wear are ones who have to wear that to work (I go to a part time evening program at my business school). Monday night I showed up in Lululemon pants and a hooded sweatshirt since I went home in between work and class. Today I’m going straight from work and i’m in jeans and a sweater.

    • Jacy says:

      I don’t want to be the one to say it, because I don’t think Chicky is fat, but she looks a little … how shall I say it?? … PADDED in that photo.

  8. juliaspublicist says:

    Jesus Mary mother of fuck. She didn’t go to either of those schools where two of those pictures were taken. Settle down, you damn donkey?

  9. Jacy says:

    Is she angling for a job at Facebook?

    If so, good luck, Randi OMG OMG Zuckerberg. Princess Pelts doesn’t get up before noon and considers a day of lunching and acupuncture to be SO. EXHAUSTING.

    • lol wut? says:

      i’m sure she’d be great at blogging all about facebook from her twitter account.

    • shamoolia says:

      Julia has been been angling for a job there ever since she first met Randi. After she figured out she couldn’t get to Mark by befriending Randi, she figured a job was the second best thing. Her intentions are about as transparent as her cheap polyester clothes.

      If she decides to move, there, San Francisco will not be kind to her. The people she gloms onto have actual day jobs where they contribute to actual innovations in tech (well, except for Paultato Head). Her “I’m a tech founder!!” schtick will get her laughed out of town, reeeeal fast.

      • Good Thoughts says:

        Her wardrobe will get laughed out of town even faster.

      • Familial Hairy Time says:

        that’s what really irks me about her. She gloms on to the people that create, rather than creating. Navel-gazing at it’s finest. Not to mention she truly believes that getting someone to code over your Tumblr and then buying a url to mask it = tech founder. Think about that in contrast to, let’s say, Google’s Marissa Mayer (you can google her, Julia!).

    • scobie says:

      Ha, I’d love to see her get a REAL job. It’d be the best/worst thing that could happen to her.

    • She's just stupid says:

      I can’t believe she wants an actual JOB at facebook. More like some kind of thing where they pay her for just being her.

      • DullBlackPeltsOfDon't says:

        Ya, it would have to be something where Randi does all the work and Julia just latches onto her coattails as a “brand ambassador” – all photoshoots and name dropping while tweet-whining about almost being late … again!!! and omgz, so exhausting but we’re keynoting in Milan and I haven’t even started to pack. Sigh.

      • shamoolia says:

        She would not even be able to hold down a job as Randi’s assistant. It would require her to … you know… actually show up for work on time and get there before noon every day.

  10. totaljing says:

    The only thing worse than these jump for joy photos, is the fact that WMMARC thinks he’s a good photographer.

    Honestly, the Stanford shot, taken probably by Randi’s hubby or some undergrad, is a better composition than that LOVE SHOT.

    • DullBlackPeltsOfDon't says:

      Every single one of her enablers should be a permanent member of PartyPants’ “GOMI” rollcall, maybe slightly modified to GOMP (Get Off My Planet).

      • juliaspublicist says:

        I need to write for GOMI more often, especially since I’ve been so pissy lately.

      • shamoolia says:

        Enablers: (I am counting people who actually seem to indulge her, not people that I am pretty sure let her crash parties but are laughing behind her back the entire time)

        Momsers
        Dadsers
        Grandma Moneypants
        Rachel Billow
        Megan Lasagna
        Megannaise
        William Marc
        Pickett
        Maria Maio (makeup artist of choice for fauxto shoots)
        Paultato Head
        Sarah Lacy
        Randi Suckerberg
        About a dozen twitter creeps who constantly tell her how pretty and awesome and funny she is, even going so far as to ask her on dates. While the normal person would find this creepy, she probably thinks it’s flattering.

    • Jacy says:

      Those shots were the worst. They were totally out of focus. They looked like some 13-year-old kid took them with their cellphone.

      • Squirrelbait says:

        Well, to be fair, he was probably hung over and had a stiff back from sleeping on a park bench all night. No doubt he was hungry, as well. And had a massive case of blue balls from all Julia’s teasing (how else to get him to do this redonkulous photo shoot for free?)

        Poor broke-ass old letch.

  11. scobie says:

    Where are weak ankles when you need them? I’d love for there to be a *SNAP* when we she lands.

    • Good Thoughts says:

      No, The Sequoias (so named by an astute RBNS observer) are as sturdy as they look.

      • juliaspublicist says:

        They really are tree stumps, aren’t they. I fucking hate those wide pants. Embrace your ass, Julia, ’cause when you wear pants you look like a power lesbian.

      • Sideshow Bob says:

        Still, how does she land in heels? She must have landed wrong and fallen on her ass in at least a few of these.

      • Good Thoughts says:

        Well, she certainly has in the figurative sense, at any rate

  12. scobie says:

    And I think her inspiration for this behavior is the old sitcom “That Girl”; that’s how she sees herself: a modern spunky bachelorette whose lovably kooky behavior is downright adorable (instead of what it really is: fucking annoying). Problem is, whether it’s “That Girl” or “Sex and the City,” she’s modeling herself after a fictional character rather than trying to exist in the real world.

    • dutchpeltedcow says:

      That was similar to my first impression. Like, is that whole “jumping in the air” nonsense supposed to give off a whimsical impression? If so – fail – more like terribly contrived.

  13. Scooby Don't says:

    If she had any cultural awareness I’d say she was doing this in a homage to Philippe Halsman, famous photographer and tongue in cheek father of jumpology.
    http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/indelible-oct06.html?c=y&page=1
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philippe_Halsman
    For those of you who like to analyze Ms JAB this Halsman quote is telling: “When you ask a person to jump, his attention is mostly directed toward the act of jumping and the mask falls so that the real person appears” Parse away.

    PS
    I’ve always loved his picture of Marilyn Monroe jumping.
    http://www.shotaddict.com/tips/article_Philippe+Halsman.html#

    • shamoolia says:

      MORE MISS PIGGY COMPARISONS!! I am dying with laughter!! I think we need a separate post with photographic evidence of all the similarities:

      – the pearls
      – the plastic curls
      – the heavy eye makeup
      – the gaping Muppet mouth
      – the cheap, shiny polyester clothing
      – the nose
      – the fawning attachment to skinny dweebs “OH, KERRRRMIE!!”

  14. Mini Driver says:

    The best part is that each of these shots probably required numerous liftoffs. Most digital cameras have a shutter delay that makes it notoriously difficult to capture action shots like this. I’m picturing Julia running, leaping, chimping, repeating.

    That high-key shot with the red stilettos makes my ankles ache just looking at it.

    • Drive-by Commenter says:

      That one looks like she went airborne after a good swift kick in the keester (it’s my fave). Her facial expression makes her look completely unhinged. Why can’t she see how loony these pics are?!

    • idiotbox says:

      and someone takes those pics. over and over and over again. where the fuck does she finds these people?

      • shamoolia says:

        I’m guessing school groundskeepers or homeless people. Everyone else is, you know, too busy going to work or school or carrying on about their business to stop and take multiple shots of a pig on liftoff.

  15. jimboicecream says:

    what i love is how bad a photographer michael mcdonald was. nice flash use outside, d-bag!

    • totaljing says:

      I know. I know. I can’t get over it. I know that I should but I can’t. He QUIT his job to become a photographer. Basically, he bought 2 expensive cameras which he obviously doesn’t know how to use. He also took no classes on camera use, composition, lighting…and obviously has a bad eye to begin with. Some people have great “eyes” and even though they fuck up their camera use, they can still take interesting photos but he has it ALL WRONG.

  16. fuck camping! says:

    what is it with her leg placement? left always in front, right behind. it’s like she’s a cardboard cut-out that only has one pose.

  17. so blessed says:

    OT but shows how out of touch Jackass is:

    She’s braying about this OMG SO FUTURITIC iphone app (mytaxi) that I remember reading about on ijustine six months ago.

    There is no way this woman can possbly be respected in tech circles.

  18. fuck camping! says:

    OT, but mary’s on the move again, to houston and mexico (again). and she gives a shoutout to RBNS.
    the relevant posts:

    http://morethanmary.com/post/218899958
    http://morethanmary.com/post/218881229

    she’s also shillin’ without disclosin’, per usual (hi julia!).

    and…. she can’t get the basic spelling here right, although it’s right there in the pic she’s posted!
    http://morethanmary.com/post/219121826

    • Peltskatarian Yard Mule says:

      RE: http://morethanmary.com/post/219121826
      I take the italicized (spelling of) ‘soul’ as an intentional play on words …

      • shamoolia says:

        Mary actually learned how to make a pun?? Well give her a green juice lollipop!

      • fuck camping! says:

        hmm, seems unlikely that mary would intentionally try to make a statement like that, but you may be right. (my initial reaction was just that it was italicized for emphasis of the ‘sole, only’ aspect, and that she just got it wrong, as often happens.)

  19. Ineffable says:

    Wait are there two Julia’s in the last picture?

    • shamoolia says:

      I think the girl in the red belt is Brittany Bohnet… you know… the girl “who just happens to be” Dave Morin’s girlfriend.

  20. someproblems says:

    that fauxtographer is the WORST.

    however!

    who the fuck wears a red tutu and red shoes to pose in front of a red ‘statue.’ (lulz).

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