Julia Allison: Someone Fucking Marry Her Already

whatisshedoing

Julia Allison, who is currently on the Julia Allison Find-A-Man Roadshow 2009 (TM Shamoolia), is sick of your shit, you penis havers who don’t pay her the utmost attention at all times.

Dear various guys who “forget” to return texts promptly, You suck, suck, suckity suck. Xoxo, all of the deeply frustrated ladies

Jesus, fuck! How is she supposed to move in with someone in a new city after one date if guys keep pulling this shit. Fucking inconsiderate is what that is.

Wasn’t she the one who had the rule to not answer a text until after a certain period of time?

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48 Responses to Julia Allison: Someone Fucking Marry Her Already

  1. partypants says:

    I JUST saw this. Uh, hey Kevin, might want to txt her back before she goes all apeshit.

  2. Drive-by Commenter says:

    So he owes her a text. Meaning, she texted first. Meaning, HE’S GOT HAND!!!!!

    Dumbshit. How can someone who plays games all the time not know the basic rules?

  3. Squirrelbait says:

    Wow, calm down, dipshit. He’s probably AT WORK.

  4. Records Custodian says:

    This is Letterman-level extortion, dude.

    Text her back or she will tell EVERYONE who you are and about your hookup, and you don’t need that on your google rap sheet.

  5. Auntie Meme says:

    May I suggest “accidentally” texting his girlfriend instead? Try something like this: “Did you happen to find a pair of lavender Victoria’s Secret panties in your S5?”

    It’s always worked for me.

  6. shamoolia says:

    Maybe he was just busy trying to get your girl smell out of his musty British sweater.

    • partypants says:

      Maybe he’s busy wiping your desperation off his chucks. You know that shit is so thick he had to call Egon Spengler to come help him remove it.

  7. What Julia REALLY thinks says:

    Jesus Christ – I tried swearing off of her, but I can’t … isn’t this the same girl who wanted a feature in which women send responses to men’s texts within a 45 minute-1 hour time frame?

    • Squirrelbait says:

      Apparently, women are supposed to delay the responses, but men aren’t. Player is getting played, and I LOOOOOOOVE it.

      I can’t believe that just yesterday, I thought she was too boring to follow any more. I’ve got a feeling we ain’t seen nothin’ yet…

      • juliaspublicist says:

        We have a move coming up. I am very interested to see where she finally ends up. Something tells me it will NOT be NYC.

      • shamoolia says:

        Just wait until the Julia Allison Find-A-Man Roadshow 2009 (thank for the HT!) ends without her finding a man, her dwindling supply of cash runs out and the owner of her apartment sells it out from under her, rendering her homeless. It’s about to get reeeeeal fun ’round these parts…

        PS- the blog’s sidebar isn’t showing up on the page anymore… anyone else having this problem?

      • juliaspublicist says:

        Yes. I noticed that. I don’t know what’s wrong. PP, help a homo out here?

      • Good Thoughts says:

        it seems to be way down at the bottom

      • juliaspublicist says:

        OK I’ve done some investigating only to find out that I have no idea what’s going on.

      • juliaspublicist says:

        I broke the sight/site/cite. I feel like Meghan. 🙁

      • partypants says:

        I fixed it. I feel like Julia. First female wordpress user ever.

  8. fuck camping! says:

    games beget more games.

  9. Coral Stomper with Straw Hair says:

    I just want to say thank you for the new iPhone-optimized version of this site. Makes keeping up with the comments here much easier on the go!

  10. BunnyBingo says:

    Ok, wasn’t she “knife-in-the-guts” heartbroken over TK just a week ago? Oh yes, she was, but let’s not mention that because in Julia-Lala land, the past cannot be mentioned until she chooses to dredge it up in one of her sentimental, make Julia look good trips down memory lane:

    “Just landed in SF. One of the worst flights of my life. I feel like someone knifed my stomach. I’m so sad and angry and confused.
    Sunday from Twitter”

    Ever hear of just taking some time out to get over your romantic disappointment Julia Allison? All this manic activity can only lead to one thing: yet another breakdown/late night authenticity video combo..

    • shamoolia says:

      I think the breakdown is happening. She’s flying all over the country like a maniac when it’s very obvious she’s broke and about to be homeless. I have a feeling things are about to get veeeeery interesting.

      • partypants says:

        Nothing will happen. Her folks will make sure she’s not homeless, get real guys. She’ll be at H&M buying another too small button shirt while mom and dad go arrange her a new apartment.

  11. BunnyBingo says:

    I don’t think Julia will ever know the cold fear of potential homelessness. Dadsers and Momsers are wrapped pretty tight around her little finger. There’s the trust for constant $$ and the lake house and the condo in Chicago for her to crash at. It does seem like she’s mentally pretty far gone at this point though.

    • shamoolia says:

      I didn’t mean literally homeless, although Julia homeless would be a reality show I would definitely watch. I just don’t think her parent’s are going to keep paying for the pink padded cell or $4,000 a month NYC apartments when she hasn’t worked in MONTHS. I think she’s going to either have to move back home/into the parent’s condo if her Desperation Roadshow doesn’t pay off and she isn’t moving in with some guy after six weeks “JUST LIKE JORDAN.” I just think she’s running from herself/her problems with all this manic traveling and she has no idea where she’s going to be in a month.

      • BunnyBingo says:

        Yes, the $4000 rent has me most curious. I would die to know how she affords that and what kind of conversations she has with the parents about justifying the cost of that apartment. The manic traveling is crazy – I wouldn’t be zipping round the country when I had a lease about to expire/no job/various personal issues etc.

      • Sideshow Bob says:

        ZOMG, what if she has to get a… roommate?

      • shamoolia says:

        According to her blog, she pays $2,500 a month for the shoebox she currently rents (which is crazy stupid) but she was looking for apartments in the $4,000/month range during her manic apartment search/dropping hints to TK about moving to LA. I think looking at those expensive apartments was just a bunch of posing and posturing, but for what I have no idea. She then seemed to drop the search very quickly and never brought it up again.

      • fuck camping! says:

        krystal k. is waiting in the wings to step into her old roommate role.

      • theoriesabound says:

        In her defense, she might have thought Tiny Knob would split the $4000 with her…when he moved to NY…after one night of sake bombs…nevermind, I take back the defense.

  12. Sideshow Bob says:

    Is that Ashley Dupre?

  13. pink bunny wabbit says:

    when she gets back to nyc -“i’m just so happy & blessed. Here’s the thing -HERES THE THING -i have no house no relationship no friends no job but i just feel so free & i’m letting it unfold- i’m shifting paradigms and just you know growing and ontraprenuraputting. i’m so crazy and free -lets have conversationalisims about architechitureicalettes. Its about young girls and being proud about things. I know boys from Yarvaton (Yale/Princeton/Harvard) so its like i went there. I’m just julia in my sweats & ponytail. Doing my laundry. Who does that?
    I’m a manic pixie faairy princess. Everything about me says high end living. I’m so “upscale” yet gangsta”
    Is this whole thing a really bad stealth perfume ad? it reminds me of candace bergin cie is me in the 70s? where she is in some sort of halston gown grabbing a ball from a pool table -how quirky & adorbs!

  14. Dr. Gary says:

    Do I spy with my little eye…The Old Nose???

  15. Scooby Don't says:

    Three words
    Mail Order Groom.
    Best investment Mr and Mrs Baugher could make and the only chance JAB has at this rate to prance down the aisle.

  16. Hamburgers says:

    Julia: If you wanted an immediate response you could have used the “phone” feature of your, uh, phone and CALLED HIM.

    Signed,
    Your Digital Dating Expert

  17. Hamburgers says:

    I also have to say that I love how Jackles thinks everything revolves around her. People aren’t IMMEDIATELY responding to texts not because they might have a job, be in a meeting, having dinner, getting drinks with some friends, cooking, at a movie, at some event but because they are purposefully playing with *her* emotions.

    Not everyone lives in a fluffy candy land with no responsibilities, friends, social life or job, Jackles. Some of us have a life.

  18. Lilly Loves The Lasagna says:

    Growl ruff arf! Arf woof woof growl!

    Translation: Julio can no have forever-man! Forever-man = no slut-slut! Julio love to slut-slut!

  19. A says:

    and why isn’t this picture on antiduckface.com? because it would be too hard to choose between this one and the 10913402384 others?

  20. AVOCADOS! says:

    Julia Allison Find-A-Man Roadshow 2009!!!!!!! LAWL!lll

  21. Johnny Optional says:

    hilarious 🙂

    http://antiduckface.com/

  22. Bunsy says:

    Oh god, “return texts promptly”, so she is one of those boring gals…

    If I was dating someone and he/she sent me a missive like that: OVER. Too dull for words.

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