Julia Allison Hates Traveling

misspiggyseyelashesaremoresubtle

Julia Allison, who has nothing better to do, deigns to criss-cross the country for no apparent reason other than the fact that she desperately wants to change locales because no one in New York likes her any more and sitting around in her penis-softener of an apartment is BOOOORING, y’all.

Ugh.  Non-stops were $400 so I had to go with the “let’s spend all day flying” option.

Oh well.  Seeing my parents & grandmother (along with my Thurs night date) = worth it.

PS. Rachel, I didn’t forget you.  You’re worth it, too.  😉

Things which make me irrationally angry: $25 bag charges from bullshit airlines. This is one reason I like flying Jetblue. No extra $$! Grr

Yes, it’s a travel day here at NonSociety. Which means we get to hear Julia bitch about the world not bending over backwards and bending spacetime just to make her journey easier. It also means she’s not doing much, which gives me ample reason to post these.

thepigisprettier

cowinmumu

thebigsthighsaresmaller

closeyourdamnmouth

thepiglookslessplastic

thepighassmallerhips

thepigmakesbetterart

christthisisugly

confessionpig

spanishjulia

thepiglookslessstupid

aerobics

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51 Responses to Julia Allison Hates Traveling

  1. shamoolia says:

    BEST POST EVER!! I love the similarities, right down to the pearls!! HAHAHHAHA!

    And Julia? Please stop pretending like you’re some rich, glamorous party girl who flies around the country on a whim. People like that usually don’t complain about $25 baggage fees or have to take multi-leg flights because they can’t afford a $400 plane ticket. Those people are also usually flying to international destinations a little more glamorous than Chicago and actually purchase the clothes at Bergdorf’s, as opposed to taking pictures of themselves trying things on.

    We all know you’re broke as a joke, Princess Plastic Pelts.

  2. Records Custodian says:

    This is fucking hilarious. Well done.

  3. shamoolia says:

    Here’s another one: Miss Piggy in the classic JA wide stance – hands on hips – gaping maw pose:

    http://images.chron.com/blogs/txpotomac/Miss%20Piggy.jpg

  4. Sideshow Bob says:

    Again, how hard is it for her to understand that booking last min tickets raises the price???

    • shamoolia says:

      The Julia Allison Find-A-Man Roadshow 2009 can’t be planned that far in advance, Sideshow Bob! DUH! She’s just going to the next city based on the quality of the sloppy drunk hook up in the last city. Did he buy her breakfast the next day? Swear her to secrecy? Never text her back? Make her drive herself home from her date? Was he worthy of a smiley or winky emoticon? Did he invite her back for another visit…errr.. incentive? Does he wear clear plastic shoes?

      There are SOOO many factors in play! You can’t expect her to plan it in advance. She just has to LET IT UNFOLD, YO.

      • Eleven Dates says:

        “The Julia Alison Find-A-Man Roadshow 2009” just made snapple come out of my nose I laughed so hard. brilliant post and great comments!!

      • Auntie Meme says:

        My philosophy has always been that the treasure doesn’t do the hunting.

        Carry on, Miss Julia. Carry on.

      • Sideshow Bob says:

        What guy would wear clear plastic– Ohhhhh.

        Love the Find-a-Man Roadshow!

    • Hamburgers says:

      Reason: She was hoping one of her Facebook friends would offer her the services of their private jet.

      I have a sneaking suspicion that someone offered to pay for half of her ticket out to CA for that guy’s birthday party (maybe Randi or that guy himself) because she was whining about it. Instead of just buying the other half of the ticket at the time of purchase, Julia decided that she would wing it, cozy up to all the rich young men in Silicon Valley (who already have cute asian gfs who went to Stanford) in the hopes that they will rescue our damsel and fly her to Chicago. Didn’t happen.

      I imagine that Julia thinks of herself as the poor-ish but sparkly personality spice to her rich friends’ lives and that they would always take the opportunity to pay for her needs. Like she is their muse or something. Only problem is, aside from self-esteem sad sack Randi, no one likes her.

  5. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    “We’re kind of taking a little bit of a break. We’re not so romantically involved as people thought we were at one time.”

    –Miss Piggy

  6. awkward.com says:

    Question: Why not put a pic of her in that horrendous lavender frock from “Dave Morin’s birthday fete” below the pic of Miss Piggy in the purple dress? That’s what I was expecting for sure! And I kind of love Miss Piggy and even Jankles can’t ruin that for me.

  7. i like julia but seriously, girlfriend needs to stop egoblogging and get a real job says:

    hi-fucking-larious

  8. Dirty Lake Michigan says:

    GUFFAWING!
    Boogers coming out my nose! Snorting. Tearing eyes.
    My child thinks I’m insane.
    It’s the last pics of the legwarmers that put me over.

  9. i like julia but seriously, girlfriend needs to stop egoblogging and get a real job says:

    btw, this one kind of matches the late night confessions pics..

    http://studentpages.scad.edu/~csimmo23/myspace/myspace%20sidebar/Miss%20Piggy.jpg

    and whoever posted the wide stance one, that was awesome & i think it should be added.

  10. Dirty Lake Michigan says:

    Oh, by the way, didn’t she just wear a purple dress much like Ms. Piggy’s photo up there? Just recently? To a birthday party? On the west coast?

  11. sarahnasp says:

    this one also reminds me of the julia-at-the-inaguration outfit:

    http://www.cherishedfriends.com/MP09piggytakesmanhattan.jpg

  12. Feria says:

    Um yeah…something else that should be kept private….your machinations w/ men who maybe are just not that into you after one date.

    Dear various guys who “forget” to return texts promptly, You suck, suck, suckity suck. Xoxo, all of the deeply frustrated ladies
    41 minutes ago from Echofon

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Like these?

      “Dave I was up all nite thinking of you I mean your S5”
      “You Englishmen shouldn’t have kept that special fun just for schoolboys”
      “I dig the Digger I dig the Digger I dig the Digger”
      “Honey it is work but more than 4 hours a week is OK with me!”

    • Squirrelbait says:

      It’s not that hard to figure out. She suckity-sucks, then they suckity-suck right back. Maybe she should stop already with the drinky-time suckity-suck.

  13. sarahnasp says:

    omg, i’m getting ADDICTED. There has got to be a good julia-talking-head pic to match this:

    http://weblogs.cw11.com/news/local/morningnews/blogs/piggy0212.jpg

  14. i like julia but seriously, girlfriend needs to stop egoblogging and get a real job says:

    omg, i’m getting ADDICTED. There has got to be a good julia-talking-head pic to match this:

    http://weblogs.cw11.com/news/local/morningnews/blogs/piggy0212.jpg

  15. shamoolia says:

    That last one is even funnier if you read the text on the Miss Piggy aerobics album:

    America’s most talented and glamorous superstar shows you how to keep fit and stay slimme and trimme with just a few minutes of daily dance movements so simple you can actually perform some of them in your sleep!

    – No lifting heaving things
    – No boring calisthenics
    – No getting out of breath
    – No messing up your clothes
    – No dippy double-talk from know it alls
    – No smarty pants lectures on “bad foods”
    – No brain-numbifying instructions before you can begin
    – No feeling like a wet noodle after you have finished

    The banana split
    Sitting in place
    Exercising your rights
    The frog

  16. i like julia but seriously, girlfriend needs to stop egoblogging and get a real job says:
  17. randi and me are bff says:

    There is a julia-on-the-bed one like this, isn’t there? i seem to remember from her old web site?

    http://images.allposters.com/images/151/PP0492.jpg

    bodysnarkers will appreciate the play on words…

  18. Jordache and the Pelts says:

    Oh shut the fuck up Julia! All this travel is a luxury, a folly, its not remotely “work” related. stop bitching, lazy ass stupid twat.

  19. randi and me are bff says:

    I wish there was a way to link this to the pink palace…

    http://www.childrens-bedding-direct.co.uk/images/miss-piggy/miss-piggy-double-duvet.jpg

  20. i like julia but seriously, girlfriend needs to stop egoblogging and get a real job says:

    Not nearly as great as yours, but I think this one:

    http://de51gn.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/misspiggy.jpg

    dovetails fairly well with the adventures of our former dating columnist:

    http://21.media.tumblr.com/MdgpxTKKmbbj0w3wSVr3o2Eq_400.png

    evidently, I need to get a real job too 😉

  21. Anono Mouse says:

    OMG OMG!!!

    the best! the best!

    I’ve got one!!!

    Janet Jackson Piggy

    http://derrenbrown.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/MissPiggyIYN.jpg

    and the condom dress:

    c’mon…c’mon…right??!!

    • Drive-by Commenter says:

      Oh my god, I don’t even wanna know what kind of sicko photoshops Miss Piggy with nipple jewelry.

      Unless you happen to have his phone number handy, that is.

      (Also: awesome post, JP!)

  22. ironic slanket says:

    Beautifully done!

  23. Squirrelbait says:

    This post is ridiculously great!!

  24. Dirty Lake Michigan says:

    Holy Crap! These past two posts are right up there with the first RBNS photo-shop picture contest, battle of the banner head pics…
    This place is comedy gold.
    Ya’lls talents are wasted. WASTED I tell ya!!!!

  25. Julia's Old Nose says:

    Best post everrrrr!

  26. Sausage Snappers says:

    That first one just keeps setting me into fits of giggles.

  27. BunnyBingo says:

    Awesome entertainment right here – the workout clothes one is just the icing on the cake. How very sad to dress up like a fool, solely for attention from strangers.
    Miss Piggy = intentional dumb blonde. Success.
    Julia Allison = dum-dum glamor girl when it suits her, alternating with shrill cries of “respect me for my mind!!!” Failure.

  28. Ineffable says:

    Omg I knew she reminded me of someone. Paul Carr looks like kermit.

  29. Julia's Fat Ass says:

    I really love this, although I have to say, I LOVED piggy growing up, and she is way, way cooler than JA.

    It makes too much sense though. JA is a caricature, even of herself at this point.

  30. joelle says:

    i actually was thinking of miss piggy when someone said “they are doe eyes not deer eyes” in reference to her makeup. remember the scene in muppets take manhattan when joan rivers does miss piggy’s makeup???

  31. Alana Joy says:

    ✔ This post is an instant classic.

    …What?

    It is.

  32. To Miss Piggy,
    I just want see if your ok.
    thanks, bye

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