Six Words, Endless Opportunities for Snark

So Carrie Bradshaw Julia Allison is on a quest to find six words to put together to make it look like this thing called a “sentence” so they can put it in this thing that is full of paper and other words by other people. She’s a writer, y’all, but writing is hard!

She’s working at it, though. Everyone knows that great literary masterpieces go through multiple drafts. Let’s take a look at what she’s come up with so far.

  • “Sex and the City. Without sex.”
  • “Carrie Bradshaw bought laptop, started blog.”
  • Tumblr. Twitter. Facebook. I need sleep.”

Nevermind the fact that she thinks the Carrie Bradshaw thing is played out (It is!). It’s very telling that this is the fictional identity she still clings to. A deep psychoanalysis of how these “memoirs” are a stunning representation of her intense narcissism and delusion are forthcoming, trust me.

It should be repeated that Julia is going around the twitterverse and Facebook and her blerg implying that she was asked to contribute to the book as if it were an exclusive, high-profile gig. Just so you know: ANYONE can submit their memoir for consideration.

But far be it for me to kick a donkey while it’s down. Right now Julia needs help, and she is the queen of crowd-sourcing and unoriginal ideas (see Carrie Bradshaw above).

Fortunately, the compassionate commenters of RBNS have come to the rescue! Here are the 10 best memoirs (in no particular order) that best reflect our dear Julia Allison, our little cupcake of delusion.

  • “it’s always about me, not you.” – jubba-fat
  • “Legs never open, mouth never closes.” – Reality Stripe
  • “Just keep sending me free shit.” – partypants
  • “I LOVE BLACKS–mainly successful ones!!” – Julia’sButtSweat
  • “Ridonkulously nice; I’ll cut a bitch.” – sad:(
  • “About to expire, please love me.” –
  • “You’d like me if we met.” – Dyspeptic2
  • “One time I saw black guy” – NewToLife!

These last two were my personal favorites!

  • “Here I am, World. Now gimme.” – Reality Stripe
  • “Where’s the bridge? I brought matches.” – Going, going, back, back to Wilmette, Wilmette

UPDATE: This one is too good not to get recognized:

  • “Carrie got Big. Julia got Poofy” – pink bunny wabbit

Wonderful job, everyone! It was way too difficult to single out just ten eleven!

On another note: Julia the Journalist is claiming that this idea stems from a six-word story Ernest Hemingway wrote. “For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.”

While this activity is a whole lot of fun and Hemingway’s “story” is quite haunting, the fact that Hemingway actually wrote the story himself is highly disputed. Here’s some career coaching from your publicist, Julia: Journalists check facts and do research.

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58 Responses to Six Words, Endless Opportunities for Snark

  1. sad :( says:

    Just the name Julia’s Buttsweat makes me LOL. Cheers, you sad, pathetic, angry, jealous haters! Oh, and you’re ugly, too.

  2. says:

    I just feel so.ineffably.BLESSED that one of my tokens made the list. this is my best day ever!
    Thank you to everyone who loves me. If you are currently my Facebook friend, please note that you will be converted to a fan now that I am so.incomparably.talented!
    Have a nice day! XOXO

  3. CupcakeOfDelusion says:

    The Raymond Carver story about the birthday cake is brutal

  4. Blerg says:

    New TMI is up, not that any of the three would blog about it though.

  5. pink bunny wabbit says:

    oh dear the new tmi oh dear -the bray, the pointing, the bitter bitter rage also-is Mary wearing a swim suit? a least she looks clean and sane.
    If the mens talk about sexy things its bad yet in the last tmi talking about sexy things was gud. I so confuzzled. Help me smart laydees!
    Wants to be Oprah
    Needs Dr Phil

  6. NewToLife! says:

    Wow! I made the top 10! I just want to thank all you sad, angry adults for this prestigious honor. I honestly couldn’t have done it without you. I hope that if you’re all lucky enough to marry before you expire, you will not let yourselves go, and you will stay as ineffable, incomparable, insolent, and incontinent as you are today!

    Sniffle! Thank you.

    PS. If you were fighting with your girlfriend and I could hear you, I would never twitter about it, promise. But if you were being all ghetto on the Bolt Bus that shit would be all over the Internet, sorry.


  7. Massaging the Truth, or just dumb says:

    Julia’s an idiot. The 6 word Hemingway story isn’t “”For sale: baby shoes, never used” It’s “For sale: baby shoes, never worn”

    That’s one word, but it’s one word of a total of 6 words. An easy google will correct that. If she calls herself a journalist, she should learn to factcheck.

    • NewToLife! says:

      I knew there was something about the way she wrote it that ruined the whole fucking thing. I was like, wait…why isn’t that as intriguing as it usually is? But I guess I am also a dodo bird too. Either that or I don’t really actually pay attention to the tripe she writes.

  8. pink bunny wabbit says:

    new rule for my self -will only post if i can close with 6 word memoir referring to Our Lady of Introspection.

    Pride and Predjudice
    Living it Literally.

  9. Anonymous says:

    House of Mirth, now with girth!

  10. totaljing says:

    Julia Allison has deleted the 6 word post. HMMMMMMM!!!!!

    • Blerg says:

      From her twitter?

    • totaljing says:

      From her lifestream. From NS.

      • Dyspeptic2 says:

        I still see it.

      • totaljing says:

        I really don’t. I feel insane, now. Odd.

      • Dyspeptic2 says:

        Maybe she’s figured out a way to block you, specifically, from her liecast!!!! That would be a triumph of technology. Paradigms would shift, jing, paradigms would shift.

      • totaljing says:

        Is it the newest post on her lifecast, for you? I’m loling here.

      • Dyspeptic2 says:

        yeah, it’s the newest one. I actually paid a rare visit and watched the vid. She bears an eerie resemblance in to that actress who played the stripper in that Earl Long movie….dum de dum…anyone remember her? Name escaping me.

      • melissa0sue00rbns says:

        I can still see it. And when I went over to check, I actually watched the video.

        She looks REALLY weird. Not fat so much as swollen. It is not a good look.

      • Dyspeptic2 says:

        OK: It’s Lolita Davidovitch in the unforgettable “Blaze” (as in Starr, La. Gov. Earl Long’s stripper love interest), 1989. Check her out:

      • partypants says:

        DANGIT. I was gonna say it’s that BLAZE movie. Blaze starr or something. I remember the gripping scene of her first striptease…she ran off stage crying until she realized they loved her! She was a star now! Blaze Starr!!!

        Julia, new career, hint.

    • NewToLife! says:


      • totaljing says:

        Thank god. I saw the post. Viewed the video and then it disappeared an hour later. Still not there.

      • totaljing says:

        I figured it out. I was using Explore (by accident) and it’ no “there” on explorer but it is there on firefox.

  11. Dyspeptic2 says:

    NonSociety: as nonsensical as it sounds.

    • Dyspeptic2 says:

      OK, that is lame and I officially retire from the 6-word memoir hijinks for the night.

      I promise.

      • Reality Stripe says:

        Is that a real promise, or a Julia Allison promise?

      • Dyspeptic2 says:

        Well, you notice the way I phrased it I COULD technically come back on at 1 minute past midnight and post again, because that would be morning!

  12. Reality Stripe says:

    How to monetize my newfound fame??

  13. NewToLife! says:

    My personal fave was whoever said “Gotta go! Here, take my dog.”

  14. says:

    Er, oops, I did it again

  15. pink bunny wabbit says:

    where is Jordache?
    where is Harvard Harley ?
    i keep thinking he won a golden ticket to her “lady place” and he has fallen into it never to be seen again like Augustus Gloop.

    Its sad

  16. Jacy says:

    “Where’s the bridge, I brought matches.” I have been laughing for 10 minutes.

    Oh my God these were all brilliant, there were really NO DUDS among any of them. Can we please start Twittering them in response to her?

  17. lily'sspleen says:

    Swollen face, itchy pelts, shriveled soul.
    Don’t take it so seriously, ineffably.
    How strange to not quite exist.

  18. Emma says:

    Julia: endlessly hatable, no longer fuckable.

  19. jubba-fat says:

    first post on this site and you like me, you really like me…

    here’s another jubba fat memoir: oh no’sers! where my fame go?

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