Jessica Simpson Called. She Wants Her Hair Back.


Honestly, the hair looks like a full-fledged wig now — not just pelts, but an entire wig, as though she’s bald underneath. She also looks like she’s about to burst out into a rendition of  “Stand By Your Man.” Is she fucking serious???? Is she truly out of her mind? How crazy does a person have to be to make Jessica Simpson’s hair look stylish and demure by comparison?

p.s. Nice shoes, Meghan. Dear God.

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45 Responses to Jessica Simpson Called. She Wants Her Hair Back.

  1. FakeSkin Booties says:

    Is the grab her head so it looks like she’s pulling her hair out frustration her new signature pose? Or is she just trying to pat her weave because she’s got an itch?

  2. Anony Mouse says:

    How does she expect people to take her seriously when she looks like a former coke whore stripper who finally growed up, got some kids, and moved out to the burbs?

    Seriously. Someone mentioned in a previous thread that she’s angling for a reality show. I can only imagine her in a Real Housewives of Chicago scenario. *Shudder*

    • Dahling says:

      Please. The Real Housewives of Chicago (yes, they are casting now) will be wealthy traders’ wives. Julia is, well, nobody’s wife. And certainly not glam in any kind of sense — not even a Jersey sense.

  3. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    Looks like an episode of Sex and No-Tell Motel.

  4. totaljing says:

    It’s almost like she has two balls of yarn hanging down from her hair.

    Also, those shoes? Horrible!!! Those are formal shoes. They’re black satin. That dress is casual. I love mixing night/day but, honey, an undershirt inspired sun dress with a color blocked, tiered summer 08′ skirt bottom is super casual.

    Also, I own a black satin sandal. I know from experience that the satin needs a spot cleaning and cannot handle every day wear. I can only imagine what they smell like. In julia lingo, AK!

    • Jacy says:

      They’re not formal shoes, they’re the same stinking over-worn suede Zappos shoes she wears with every outfit. Hurl.

  5. BunnyBingo says:

    Two hookers in an alley. Very nice.

  6. diluted brain says:

    wow she stole jessica simpson’s body too!

    • melissa0sue00rbns says:

      oh, ouch! julia’s waist is way better defined than simpson’s!!

      • Dahling says:

        Julia, poofy skirts do not hide the fat thighs beneath. No wonder why you never give it up in the bedroom: you’re too scared for them to see what’s underneath.

      • melissa0sue00rbns says:

        hah I didn’t say she was thin or fit, but our lady at least has an hourglass figure. simpson looks like a pig in that photo. we all know julia is a pig …

        oh who am i kidding?

      • Julia Bartlett says:

        Hourglass? More like excessively pear-shaped, with a lousy attempt at camouflage with yet another poufy skirt.

  7. Dahling says:

    Meghan, it must be said, looks especially retarded.

    • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

      Meghan looks like the old joke that ends: “Who gave you the nickel?” “All of them!”

      • anon says:

        i had no idea what you were talking about until i googled “Who gave you the nickel?” “All of them!”

        the only response was on a umass-amherst publication.

        will you tell me what it meant?

        also, i’m high.

      • Sacred Scrapbooks says:

        A hooker returns with $100.05.

    • Modulate that Voice says:

      Yes, true she looks awkward—-not the Model that she was,
      and often mentions….
      She needs some coaching too.

  8. narcissistheadband says:

    Can’t she ever wear a pair of ballet flats? or flip-flops in fucking summer in NYC?!?!?
    Oh wait, I just remembered in another thread there was a pic of her in ballet flats. But I know I have seen these black monstrosities and those white horrors too many times this summer.

  9. CupcakeOfDelusion says:

    Fierce. Work it. Not.

  10. High School Debate Partner says:

    I can hear the second picture. (shudder)

  11. Anon. says:

    What is with this pose where she is constantly clawing at her head?

  12. Har-Har says:

    Oh, I get the red hair now. It doesn’t matter to her if it looks shitty, as long as she stands out more than naturally pretty Meghan in photos. Stand out she does, like a tacky sore thumb in bad shoes.

  13. What Julia REALLY thinks says:

    Why do these girls need freaking photo shoots for every possible new business idea/venture?

    There’s more to a business plan than smiling pretty for a camera. For example, if you’re angling for a reality TV show, how about getting a personality first – or in the case of Julia, one that isn’t so instantly dislikable. A helpful hint: if you keep on needing to remind the audience of your various personality traits (i.e., I’m so nice, so smart, so wonderful, really, I swear!), you probably aren’t doing the best job of conveying such.

    • Web20Morons says:

      I’ll go out on a limb and say there there isn’t any deal at MTV other than a potential for a pilot. If it’s her and Dum Dum Parikh, I can’t see it getting green lighted for anything more.

  14. WTF??? says:

    where did this pic come from?

  15. sad :( says:

    Gawd, that red hair is screaming I AM FAKE, BORN IN A LAB, MOVE ALONG – NOTHING NATURAL TO SEE HERE. Who goes for a primary color unless they are the lead singer of an 80s new wave tribute band?

  16. juliaspublicist says:

    If those pictures mean that they turned into prostitutes, at least Julia can finally say that she has a real job.

  17. Anony says:

    Ok, well re: this photo. OMG eww! Right? Like I never thought flabby McSuburbs was attractive in ’07 but she looks straight up busted in these pictures. Waist the same size as the titties with thighs/hips over twice as big. 36/34/46 measurements, not hot. And the hair is just not working g sweetie. We’ve covered this by a. U her of people in a number of posts and several hundred comments but you look like a spaha hooker who can’t make rent.

    Also, like, I have no idea what the fuchlj dumb and dumber/ugly and fatter do and maybe there are old men who pay them for it but most business ideas don’t require pictures of a fat chick and her friend who doesn’t speak the English jumping around SoHo

    So kill yourselves please. You’re washed up and ugly and in your works that is,in fact, the end of the line.

  18. anon says:

    ok … i’m thinking julia got her shoes here

    i know she’s SO not a diy-er, but georgina (and maybe mary, i can’t remember) had a post about this on their blogs. maybe she’s just so unbelievably proud of herself for doing something on her own that she has a need to show them to the world every fucking day.

  19. Sacred Scrapbooks says:

    Pictures of our trip to that big crazy New York City for the St. Alphonzo’s bingo newsletter. Look at us! We had such fun! See ya at IHOP!

  20. Big Muff says:

    actually that dress is cute and looks good on jules, but the shoes and hair kill it. and i’m glad to see that meghan isn’t wearing a tent like she usually does.

  21. Big Muff says:

    but i wish she would stop that wide-legged stance. SO UNATTRACTIVE. it’s okay if your legs touch, really, it is.

  22. NewToLife! says:

    Please don’t insult Jessica Simpson this way. Poor girl has had enough troubles.

  23. Anna says:

    God, the shoes. THE SHOES AGAIN. I don’t think she’s ever spent over $60 for a pair of shoes in her life. And we can tell.

  24. sPELT Cupcake says:

    I hope to hell this was taken in an alley alongside the New Yorker hotel and not the New Yorker magazine (see the sign behind them).

    • High School Debate Partner says:

      Not sure where this is, but it’s nowhere near the Conde Nast building, where TNY is published.

  25. partypants says:

    Ok, I’m about to go rip those damn shoes off her feet and set them on fire.


  26. Anon says:

    They are both such huge jackasses.

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