Julia: The Makeup Artist is To Blame

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VALENTINE’S DAY 2006. OH YES. THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

I HAVE NO ONE BUT MYSELF, THE SPRAY TANNER AND THE MAKEUP ARTISTS AT [REDACTED] WHO TURNED ME INTO A CUPID’S-BOW-WIELDING TRANSVESTITE TO BLAME.

Jackles once again felt the need to post old photos of herself last night, looking slender and untouched by large quantities of cupcakes, the misery of relentless rejections from wealthy men and Dr. Bobby’s repeated chemical injections. I will play armchair psychologist here and suggest, since she seems to be posting fewer and fewer full-body shots of herself and is clearly unhappy with how she looks right now (despite another fraudulent proclamation recently that she has. never. been. so. happy. with. her. body. ever. before. not. ever!), that this is another cry for people to e-mail her to tell her how hot she is. The “OMG!! HOT!! SKINNY!!!” photos emerged again last night and this one is by far the best.

Hey, Jules? Look, we know how much you love to blame others for your troubles, but Jackles, your makeup in this photo is the least of your problems. How about the sparkly, control-top panty-hose? The leg-warmers? Or, I don’t know, THE WINGS ATTACHED TO YOUR SLUTTY VALENTINE’S DAY OUTFIT?

This was only three years ago, people. She was supposedly 25. Who DOES this? Who goes out in public this way? This is the woman who got into a huge IM brawl with Rachel Sklar about Obama Girl, by the way, and how demeaning she was to women. Uhhhhh ……. OK.

1 COMMENT

  1. Every time she intentionally wears a costume (as opposed to her daily costumey wear), it is ALWAYS “slutty [fill in the blank].”

  2. JA does not look like a cute Hooters Girl, who would have thought..you would think with al that dad revenue she would be able to hire a wardrobe person or was she dating her Daddies for other reasons?

  3. Wow, I’d never read that IM brawl you just linked. She is so blind to her own hypocrisy! I love that she gets called out on it so forcefully, but it didn’t even make a dent in her rock-hard head.

  4. How jolly to awake and find that last night’s typo of “dad revenue” has already made it into the RBNS Julia Allison Lexicon (TM).

    Dad revenue. It still makes me laugh in the sober light of day.

  5. I am going to be a bitch about her body. Even at age 25, she is still a sausage ass.

    Again, i would never comment on this aspect, ahem, if the person were non-famewhoring and dressed respectably.

    But she has to dress like a hooker in every conceivable way (NO DISRESPECT TO HOOKERS) as if to say, look at me, i am so hott here.

    Well it’s not hott!

    Part of the celebrity culture that Jackles aspires to really is about owning that kind of physical perfection or passing for it. But Jackles does not do this! She is not even close to passing.

    She is a deluded little bitch and it annoys that she then just calls people who point this out jealous and haters.

    Wrong! On so many levels.

  6. I am going to be a bitch about her body. Even at age 25, she is still a sausage ass.

    Again, i would never comment on this aspect, ahem, if the person were non-famewhoring and dressed respectably.

    But she has to dress like a hooker in every conceivable way (NO DISRESPECT TO HOOKERS) as if to say, look at me, i am so hott here.

    Well it’s not hott!

    Part of the celebrity culture that Jackles aspires to really is about owning that kind of physical perfection or passing for it. But Jackles does not do this! She is not even close to passing.

    She is a deluded little bitch and it annoys that she then just calls people who point this out jealous and haters.

    Wrong! On so many levels.

  7. And funny that she’s calling out the makeup artist — or, whatever, the MAC counter in all likelihood — for making her look like a tranny when she applies the makeup with a trowel these days and looks far more like a tranny by her own hand than she does here.

    Something has changed drastically about her face, though, and I can’t figure out exactly what it is. The lips?

  8. And funny that she’s calling out the makeup artist — or, whatever, the MAC counter in all likelihood — for making her look like a tranny when she applies the makeup with a trowel these days and looks far more like a tranny by her own hand than she does here.

    Something has changed drastically about her face, though, and I can’t figure out exactly what it is. The lips?

  9. Jankles has posted those photos as evidence of her imagined hottness, despite knowing that she will gets tons of criticism. This is because she knows from experience that one or two of the comments will be complimentary. Those are the comments she will choose to believe.

  10. OMG i had never seen that IM brawl. LOVING Sklar calling out Julia. But dismayed to see that Julia did not waver…in the end, she still thought she was in the right.

  11. How are Rachel and Julia still friends? Rachel seems like she can barely stand Julia and calls her out all the time, i.e. announcing to the world that Julia had snuck into a party in DC during the inauguration, that she wasn’t actually invited.

  12. I’ve been to the new site, and it is a hot holy mess. Horizontal for their stuff, vertical when you click on the “more” icon. Ridic. By the way, she is in no way fat. Vapid, insincere, fake, yes, but not fat. It borders on the insane that is what she’s called here.

  13. I don’t think she’s fat, Fluffy. I think SHE thinks she’s fat. And she’s always going on about the cupcakes, how she eats too many and then feels sick afterwards.

  14. I don’t think she’s fat, Fluffy. I think SHE thinks she’s fat. And she’s always going on about the cupcakes, how she eats too many and then feels sick afterwards.

  15. In no way is Jackles fat. She’s the one who squeezes herself like a sausage into too tight clothing. Hence the sausage ass. But if she just owned it instead of obsessing like a freak, it *would* be hott.

    Perhaps this is because she is afraid to actually pick the correct size and shape for her body? This is because she needs to be a 2 or something? I don’t get it.

    Amongst her myriad mental health issues, i suppose OCD fits in there somewhere between her NPD and insomnia (sorry Jackles, you have to sleep to have sleep apnea — which is actually maladjusted breathing pattern DURING sleep, kthanx).

  16. JA isn't fat, but she IS slightly demented for not being able to discern the IRONY in the Obama Girl vs. Giuliani Girl vid. Um, hello… they're talking about politics (albeit superficially), which is being juxtaposed against skimpy outfits at some point and pillow fights with brief interludes of very appreciative slow-mo "vanity shots" during that very scene. They're attempting to poke fun/make more interesting the political situation while CLEARLY calling out those very BS stereotypes that would entice visually-inclined men (who don't really care about anything but T&A) to such a video. It's like JA, except they're actually saying something relevant aside from the obvious production-related fluff – her angst comes from these facts rather than any feminist perspective. No matter how much she tries to argue that POV, she is no feminist. Not now, not ever.